Don't Rescue Me
by shayla1462
Summary: She's only doing her father a favour, and it's only a few months, but Pittsburgh and hockey is a long way away from LA and movie stars. The question is: can she fulfill her promise to her dad and come out of the season untouched by the Penguin's Captain Sidney Crosby?
1. Chapter 1

I'm really nervous as I wait outside the meeting room. For the hundredth time I smooth down my skirt and wonder if I should have worn something else. They are really casual here and I should have guessed but in LA you always need to be dressed up. My wardrobe consists of only designer labels and the newest styles. It's not because it's how I would dress, although I'm not complaining, it's primarily because of my clients. When you do public relations and marketing for the biggest stars in Hollywood, you need to look the part. I should have remembered that I'm in Pittsburgh and this is a hockey team. For maybe the thousandth time I wonder why I let my dad talk me into coming out here to help with his team. Sure, it's only for a season but it's the dead of winter in Pittsburgh and I was born and raised in LA. I know what the winters out east are like because I went to Harvard and Wharton but that doesn't mean that I like it.

I got in late last night and this is my first introduction to the players. I've barely met my own team. I had an awkward meeting with Tom McMillan the VP of Communications. He is definitely not happy to have a new boss although he was trying to hide it. When your last name is Burkle and you're one of the owners' daughters it can definitely make people suck up. He tried damn hard too. As we walked through the offices to the player's meeting room, I was introduced to the communications staff. We're having a meeting later. Since training camp has been compressed into one week, the players are going to be very busy, so they wanted me to meet the guys during their 'welcome to camp' meeting. We'll be diving into press and events right away so the guys need to know who I am and what I'm doing here. Of course I'm still trying to figure that last part out myself. I don't think I can exactly tell everyone that I'm here because of paternal guilt.

Tom leads me into the room and Ray Shero is addressing the group so we stay at the back. "We've made some changes this year to some key staff members most of whom you've already met." Ray is telling the team. I can tell he's getting ready to introduce me. Ray and I discussed that I would be brief and simply let the guys know what my role is and then we'll figure the rest out over time. "Right now I want to introduce our new Chief Communications Officer Sloan Burkle. She is coming in to help us with a new marketing and communications strategy. She has a vast experience in marketing and public relations and will be a great asset to the Penguins organization. Sloan, would you like to say a few words?" I can't help but rub my hands over my skirt as I walk to the front of the room. I'm suddenly very aware of each click of my heels on the floor and the eyes of over thirty men on me. Oh well, here goes. "Hi everyone and thank you for the warm welcome Ray. I'll be very brief since I know you have a full day ahead of you. With concern about residual resentment from the lockout, we want to be sure that we are focused more than ever on our fans and providing them the best experience possible. We also want to ensure that you are able to focus on your jobs while still feeding the beast that is the media." That earns me a few chuckles. "My team's goal is to do both of those things seamlessly so that everyone's needs are met. It's not an easy job but it's one in which we'll be successful. The last thing I want you to know is that we are again filming our In the Room series so you will see a lot of cameras around filming practices and games. You will also be scheduled for interviews to accompany the video. This will be as unobtrusive as two cameras in your face all the time can be." That earned me more chuckles. "Seriously, we have whetted the appetites of our fans, and they love seeing 'behind the scenes,' so be prepared. It was great to meet you all and we'll be seeing much more of each other." Ray thanks me and I move to the back of the room again but not before hearing "I'd definitely like to see more of her." I keep walking as if I didn't hear it. I suppose I'm going to have to get used to that kind of thing.

Tom and I leave the room and head back upstairs to the offices. Tom shows me to an office and says "they have set you up in here." He says it with a hint of bitterness so I'm guessing that it's a bigger office than his or maybe he wanted it for himself. Either way, it's been an interesting start with Tom. He's not going to like our staff meeting either. I thank Tom and he quickly leaves. Settling behind my desk, I review the agenda for my staff meeting again. Everyone I've spoken with, coaches, administration, owners, all say that the Communications team is complacent. They are having fun and doing the normal things that every other team is doing but there's no innovation and they are not pushing themselves to do or be better. This does not go over well with the members of a pro sports organization who believe in out-working the opponent. I again reconsider the approach I'm going to take with my new team and decide, again, that I'm doing the right thing. They need a huge shake up. I've just shaken up my life – leaving a multi-million dollar PR firm in my partners hands and moving across the country – so why shouldn't there's be shook up too?

I look over the employee files again. There is some real talent here. They're young but they have some good experience and education. Seems like what I heard from my dad is true and these kids just need some leadership and vision. I chuckle at myself calling them kids. At thirty, I'm not that much older than they are but I've packed in a lot of living in my years; maybe too much living. With an overachiever as a dad, you strive to be the best at everything and I was. I graduated with my MBA before I was twenty-two years old and I was already working for dad's company. I was the only one of the three kids who took any interest in the business. When I found that I had a flare for marketing and PR then I went for it. I really wish my brother or sister was here right now instead of me but I promised that I'd help and I'm only here for the season. Hopefully they won't make the playoffs and I can be gone by the end of April. Oh, I need to remember not to say that thought out loud where anyone here could hear me.

"Sloan?" I look up and try to remember the man's name. Ah yes "Hi Sam, what can I do for you?" He smiles and says "today there is a planned presser for the team after practice. Should we still go ahead with that or did you want to do something different?" Oh boy, while I appreciate that he's come to ask my opinion, does he really think it's a good idea to piss off the press on the first day of training camp? Ok, I have to remember that I lead a team now and it's my job to be their coach. "What are your thoughts Sam?" I ask him and the look on his face is priceless. His mouth is actually hanging open like he is so shocked. I wait him out. "Um, well, it's the first day so I think we need to go ahead with it." Hmm, maybe he has some promise. "Sounds good Sam, let's go ahead. What time is that planned for?" He looks at his watch and replies "in an hour." I thank him and he leaves. Dad seems to be right again; Sam seems like a smart guy. I wonder why no one is listening to him.

For the past few weeks, I've been watching the sports news to see what I could learn about sports pressers. It seems like the guys are in a variety of states of undress and they're always sweaty so it must be directly after they get off the ice. I've also been devouring as much video as I can find. The Pens have video going back years and I think I've viewed almost all of it. I've seen a variety of interviews, community events and team fun-clips. It was quite an education for me; however, the basic premise of PR still holds true regardless of whether it's an athlete or a starlit. We need to feed the beast and give press the accessibility they want while ensuring the image projected is what we want. It's a dance and I know enough about it to have brought my very best dancing shoes.

* * *

It felt good being back here. After the concussion and neck injury, then we got bounced in the first round by Philly and finally the lockout, it is fucking great to be back. I hate this first part though. We hear from each of the departments and what they have planned or how they're going to help us. We only have one week for camp; they can help us by leaving and letting us get on the ice. Of course I sit patiently through all the speeches and put my best 'captain' expression on my face. Ray is now introducing some new communications guy named Sloan. I wonder what happened to Tom. I turn to look for Tom in the room and see that Sloan isn't a guy at all. Sloan is a very hot, very blond woman in a short, tight skirt and very high heels. As she walks by me, I can't take my eyes off of her ass. This is Sloan? Fuck me she is hot! Beside me, Tanger makes a lewd comment in French which I don't acknowledge. It wouldn't be appropriate but fuck he's right.

She's talking and I can hear what she's saying but all I can focus on is how her suit clings to every inch of her. Her shirt, which is tailored like a man's, is opened just far enough to show a hint of her breasts. I finally move my gaze up to her face and it doesn't disappoint either. She has full lips and the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen. That's when she smiles and I see that she has a dimple in her left cheek. Damn, I've always been a sucker for dimples. I hear Flower whisper behind us "did Shero say that she's a Burkle, as in Ron?" That catches my attention. Yeah, Ray did say Burkle so she must be Ron's daughter. I hear everyone laughing and see her laughing with them. I didn't catch what was said but I laugh too just in case anyone notices that I'm not paying attention; well, at least not to what she's saying.

As she walks out, I hear Nealer say "I'd definitely like to see more of her." I have to give her credit because she had to have heard him and yet she didn't even break stride. It's the medical staff's turn now. They're new and have some new procedures that we're going to follow. None of this is new to me since I was instrumental in getting the new medical staff. After last year's debacle of misdiagnosis for my concussion, there was no way the existing staff was going to stay. Mario made a deal so that we're affiliated with UPMC now and these guys are the best at what they do. My mind drifts back to Sloan as I pretend to listen. I wonder why I've never met her. I've met his other two kids but she's never come to game or any team event. Even when we won the Cup, Ron's other two kids and their families came for the parade but not Sloan. Maybe Ron's been trying to hide the hot daughter from his players.

The medical staff is done and, thankfully, so is the admin crap. Everyone leaves except the players and the coaches. Dan starts "this camp is going to be very unusual for all of us. It's one week, that's all we've got but that's all everyone's got. This year our focus is defense. We will not let last year happen again nor will be dwell on it. We need to move forward. Those of you fighting for a spot on the roster, you need to fight hard and show us fast that you've got it. For those of you returning, you still need to show us what you've got. There's no room for anyone who isn't following the systems. We play our way, gritty, hard hockey. Ok, we're going to break into groups. Defenders, go with Reirden. Forwards you're with Granato. Goalies, you know where you're going too. We'll come back together on the ice in two hours. Let's put in the work gentleman."

The next two hours fly by. Tony Granato goes through familiar plays and some new ones. He also focuses on defense. As forwards, we can think about scoring as much as we want as long as we don't forget to play defense too. Last year's playoffs taught us that more than any lecture Granato could give us. We scored a shitload of goals but couldn't keep the puck out of our own net. Flower took the brunt of the shit but we hung him out to dry over and over again. Since his wedding, Flower has been working his ass off in Quebec to enter camp in his best form. It's going to be a great season. I have a feeling about this one. Personally, it's been a long time since I was in game shape and could put everything I have into playing. The press keeps asking about symptoms and how I feel but that's just annoying to me. I have no fear of more symptoms. I'm past that now and in the best shape of my life. I've put on more muscle up top than ever before. I'm faster than I think I've ever been too. I've done everything I can to be ready to play and lead this team to the Cup this year.

After the meeting, we all warm up and get ready for practice. The locker room is over flowing with the guys from Wilkes-Barre. They're all hoping to get a spot on this year's roster and some of them may have a chance. A couple really showed what they can do last year when they got called up to cover for injuries. After dressing quickly, I'm the first on the ice. I love it when it's a clean sheet of ice and all you can hear is my skates cutting in, the slap of the puck against my stick and puck soundlessly entering the net. Yeah, we're back and it's going to be a great year.

As I warm continue to warm up, my mind wanders back to Sloan. Usually I go for a more athletic build on a woman but there is no doubting that this one is hot. She has the kind of curves that makes you want to see them for yourself. It was probably the combination of the impossibly long legs, showed off by that short skirt, and the breasts straining to be free of the jacket and tailored shirt. "Sid, you gonna play or stretch all day?" I look up at Duper and see that most of the guys are on the ice and shooting around. Shit, I need to focus. I can't be daydreaming about the new hot chick in Communications all day so I get up and take my place in line. We run drills to warm up and then Dan begins to run through plays. We test our power play against our penalty kill; first unit against first unit and second unit against second unit. We stop, draw up the play and talk about changes then we run it again. Most guys look sharp. Whether they went to play in Europe or not, looks like everyone brought their A game this camp.

After practice, we all head back to the locker room. I down a protein shake and then take my place to wait for the press. As predicted, most flock over to me. The questions are predictable too. They want to know how I feel, what do I think of the shortened season, what do I think of the team, the league blah blah blah. Of course I give them all the right answers. I haven't just trained to play hockey; I trained hard to answer press questions too. I look to my right as another question is fired at me and that's when I see her. Sloan has come into the room. She's still wearing that hot suit and she's leaning against the door jamb watching the room. It's like she's dissecting each of us and filing away all of the details for later. "Sid?" I look back at the reporter and realize that I've missed the whole question. I refocus and hope that this will end soon so I can drown myself in the shower. After seeing Sloan again, it might have to be a cold one.

* * *

I enter the room directly after the media. I lost track of time reading the budget for the season and trying to figure out how creative I'll have to be. The first thing that hits me is the horrible, offense stench. It takes all of my experience at remaining calm and neutral not to make a face, cover my nose or even vomit. Do all athletes smell this bad after playing? Wow, I think my eyes may even start watering. I look around the room trying to take my mind off of the smell. Most of the press has centered themselves around Crosby. That's to be expected and he handles the media well. I wouldn't mind if he showed a little more personality when being interviewed but he handles them well. I watch Sam and, oh crap what's her name, ah Michelle taking video and audio of Sidney's interview. I look around the room and don't see Tom anywhere. Hmm, I thought he would have shown up for the first presser of the season.

The interviews go on much longer than I would have anticipated and I notice that no one is herding the press. They seem to have a free pass to talk to anyone they want for as long as they want. I notice Jennifer off to the side of Crosby's gaggle simply watching everything unfold in front of her. We'll definitely need to talk about how we handle the press in this room. I wonder if this is the way they want to do things or if it's the way they're told to do things. I'm pulled away from my thoughts when I feel a pair of eyes on me. I look straight ahead and see Sidney Crosby staring directly at me. Oh wow, this guy can certainly pack a punch. His hair is wet from sweating and curling over his brow. Although I can't hear him, I can see his full lips talking to the reporters. Periodically he licks those gorgeous lips or purses them together. All objectivity that I'm supposed to have about the 'clients' goes completely out of my head as his stare goes straight to my panties. Ok, I need to maintain and not get so hot over a simple stare.

"Learning anything kid?" I turn with a smile on my face because I know that voice. "Mario, it's so good to see you." I give him a big hug and completely forget that I should have a professional demeanor. I've always adored Mario and his wife Nathalie. Actually, the whole family is pretty special. I'd see Mario every time he'd come to LA to see my dad and it always made my day. He's become like an uncle I guess although now he's my boss too. "How are you doing Sloan? Jumped right in with both feet?" I laugh because he knows me so well. "Yeah, I arrived late last night. I had a prior commitment to a client so I couldn't come earlier but I had to be here for the first day of camp." He chuckles and replies "you're already getting the lingo, huh? What do you think so far?" From anyone else, I would have answered the question with a smile and said that everything was great but I know Mario is asking for more. "I think how you briefed me was spot on. There's a lot of talent and it just needs to be nurtured." He pats my shoulder and says "well, you're the right person for the job then" and walks off. I'm bolstered by the confidence that he's showing in me and hope that I can live up to it.

I turn back to the room and see that the press is still at it only now I see Jennifer trying to break up the gaggle around Crosby. When she finally gets their attention, things break up pretty quickly and the press disperses. The equipment guys are grabbing shirts and towels and that's when I notice that these guys are undressing right here in the middle of everything and everyone. Without conscious thought, my eyes seek out Sidney Crosby and I'm treated to a view of him bending over to pick up his skates. He's wearing these spandex pants and top with weird things on his shoulders but I don't linger long enough to figure out what the shoulder things are; I'm entirely too riveted to his ass. He gets up and turns quickly when someone calls his name. His eyes catch mine and for a split second I think that I see heat in them but then someone calls his name again and he turns away from. Before I can be caught again, I duck out of the locker room and head to my office. This is not how I expected my first day to go.


	2. Chapter 2

As hard as I try, I can't get the image of Sidney Crosby staring out of my head. I'm not sure if his eyes are green or brown but I do know that they're intense. His body is incredible, and that ass – wow, but it's those eyes, that seemed to try and bore a hole in mine, that keeps flashing through my mind. I need to focus. My first team meeting is in ten minutes and it's going to be uncomfortable to say the least. I definitely can't be thinking about a hockey player, at least not in that way, when I'm supposed to be thinking about all of the hockey players. Besides, he can't be more than twenty three, twenty four years old. He's a kid. So why can't I get him out of my mind? I shake my head, as if that would shake my thoughts loose, and gather my notes. I won't have to refer to them but it's better to have them just in case.

I enter the meeting room and everyone but Tom is there. Checking my watch, I see that I'm right on time and Tom is late. This is not a good start but I refuse to wait for him; my meetings always start on time. "Thank you all for coming. I know it's the first week of camp and you're supremely busy so we'll be short today." I look around at the team and they look a little nervous but mostly interested. That's a good sign. "Over the next week, I'll be setting up one on ones with each of you." That's the moment that Tom comes in and doesn't even have the good grace to apologize for being late. I keep going. "So, I'll be setting up one on ones with each of you for this week. There are a few things I'd like you to prepare before our meeting." Everyone but Tom prepares to take notes. "First, I want to know one thing you love about your job. Second, what is one thing that could make your job easier? Lastly, what is one thing, as a communications team, that we could be doing better?" I look around the table and see some surprised faces. "There are going to be changes and things that I want to see happen; however, you have been involved with this team and this organization so I'm sure that you have ideas and I want to hear them." Now I see a few smiles so I think that I can let some air out of that tire.

"I have been spending the last week, since it looked like the lockout was going to end, on conference calls with coaches, office staff, media and the owners of course. The good news is that they all like you and respect your knowledge and abilities." Now there are more smiles so here comes the pin. "They also all agreed that we could be better. We're seen as complacent and without the drive to strive and be the best. I'm sure you're aware that this would not be good for any organization to think of the communications team. It's especially not good when it's from a sports team who pride themselves on being gritty and hard working." I pause a moment and let that sink in and glance around the table. Some faces show concern, some are surprised and Tom looks pissed. I continue "I haven't seen anything first hand so it could be fact or perception. In my experience, it's often a little bit of both. To be candid, I don't care what happened before I got here. What I care about is what we're going to do from today forward. There are a few things that we are going to do right away. Jennifer, I want a recommendation from you on how long the pressers should be. We will have time limits so that our players aren't over burdened by interviews. Be sure to consider how long it really does take to answer pertinent questions and when they start getting repetitive or off topic. Sam and Michelle, the In the Room series has been incredibly popular and we are continuing that series under Tom's direction." I hoped that this would give him an ego stroke but he stays stone faced. Oh well. "I would like you both to think of another behind the scenes idea that can be short and easy to produce by you." I continue and give similar assignments to each of the team members. I give one last thought to them. "I am not hierarchical. I believe that it's important to know who you work for and to take direction and be accountable to them; however, I will always have an open door. I encourage you to make use of that and tell me your ideas. I'm a firm believer that the solutions are here within our team and we just need to develop them. My vision for our group is to treat our clients, the players, like gold while still feeding the media beast. It's a very difficult line to walk but we will walk it well. I look forward to meeting with each of you during this week." With that last thought I dismiss the group.

Tom immediately storms out of the room. A few leave quickly too but tell me that they have deadlines before they head out. A couple want to chat a bit, welcome me and seem quite sincere about it. When I'm alone in the room, I sit down in a chair, collapse actually, and drop my head to my hands on the table. I'm going to have to deal with Tom's shit before it gets out of hand. I'd hoped it would be kept to private moments but he clearly showed in this meeting that he's bitter and doesn't care who knows it. "It hasn't been a full day. Is it that bad already?" I look up at the voice and see one of the coaches standing in the doorway. Shit, what's his name? I run through my mental rolodex and find it. He's Bill Guerin. "Hi Bill, no, everything is great. I think that the jet lag has finally caught up with me." He chuckles and comes in to sit beside me. "Liar" he says. I look at him surprised. I only met him this morning and he's calling me a liar. I arch an eyebrow at him, a move that usually makes men squirm but he just continues to smile at me. Ok, I guess I'll play along. "What makes you call me a liar Bill?" He considers the question and says "I'm only guessing but I'd bet your father talked you into taking this job. You probably made a deal to come in for the season and that's it. The CBA deal happened quickly so you weren't able to get here before training camp and then you swoop in and have to deal with Tom. He's a good guy, don't get me wrong Sloan, but he's also very prideful. Having someone come in to take over his department won't sit well with him."

I look at Bill again and he looks sympathetic. I decide in an instant to trust him; my instincts rarely let me down. "Are you a mind reader Bill?" He chuckles and replies "no. I've been around a while and I know this organization from top to bottom. I hope you'll give us a chance. You may not have wanted to come here but you're here now. This place can be so stressful that you want to shove a fork in your eye sometimes but the people are worth it. You won't find more caring or hard working people around and that includes your team. Like hockey teams, they need leadership and someone to coach them. From what I hear, you're the right person for that job." He pats my arm, stands and makes his way to the door. "Sloan, we will win you over" and with a wink he's out the door. What a character he is and yet oddly comforting too. I look at my watch and see that it's already five o'clock. I have no idea where the day went and yet I have so much more work to do. I gather my things and head out the door to my office. As I round the corner, at a fast clip of course, I run right into a hard body, trip and drop everything in my hands. Thankfully, he grabs my arms and keeps me from falling with my files. As I look at my rescuer, I see that it's none other than Sidney Crosby himself. Oh, and his eyes are green, an absolutely gorgeous green.

* * *

Most of the guys are gone when I get out of the change room. It's training camp so no need for suits yet. I thought I saw Mario here earlier so I head up to the offices to look for him. If you didn't know that the season had started you would know by the buzz in the offices. Phones are ringing constantly and people are moving around quickly and with purpose. Everyone looks to be happy that the season is under way. Mario's office is empty and dark so I guess he left already. Heading back down the hall, I come around the corner and collide with a woman. She's falling so I grab her arms to hold her up. That's when she looks up and I see that it's Sloan. We stare at each other for a moment with me holding her close to me. I can't break away from her incredible blue eyes although I also notice her perfume, how warm she is under my hands and that we're the same height in the impossible high heels that she's wearing.

She breaks contact first and tries to pull back. That snaps me to the situation and I drop my hands quickly. "Sorry about that" she says. "I wasn't looking where I was going" and she bends down to pick up her things. I bend too and end up colliding with her again so that I have to grab her so that she doesn't fall backward. She smiles at me and says "thanks again. Wow, I'm not usually such a klutz." She bends to pick up her things again and I'm transfixed by the way her skirt rides up to reveal an enticing amount of thigh. When she has her things, she straightens and says "we haven't officially met. I'm Sloan" she says and sticks out her hand. Her head tilts and I realize that I haven't said a damn thing the whole time. "Hi, I'm Sidney" I tell her and take her hand which is impossibly small in mine but her grip is strong. She smiles and I see that sexy dimple again. "I sort of figured that out. It's great to meet you Sidney. We'll most likely be spending time together so I was going to ask if I could have a few minutes of your time this week. I don't want to take away from your training but if you could find just a few minutes, I'd really appreciate it. Most of the media demand is going to be for your time and I want to be sure that the disruption to your routine is kept to a minimum." As she finishes, she smiles and that dimple winks. Damn, this woman is hot. "Um, yah, sure we can talk. Whenever is fine." Great Crosby, smooth as silk as usual. Army said it all those years ago and it still holds true six years later; I have no fucking game. "Great" she replies. "I'll look at your schedule and see when we can fit a chat in." I just nod and smile back. "Ok then, I'll see you later Sidney." She looks directly at me so I say "yep, see you later." She doesn't move but says "Sidney, I'm going to need my hand." Oh fuck, I've been holding her hand this whole time. "Sorry" I mumble, turn and almost run the other way.

As I walk to my car, I wonder again what the hell is wrong with me. I've never really been able to talk to women. The few girlfriends I've had, and there have been far less than I'm sure people think, I've met because someone introduced us or we were friends first. When I meet a woman that I'm attracted to and don't know, I simply freeze up and become stupid. Great first introduction to Sloan and she said we're going to spend time together. She must think that I'm an idiot. I cringe when I think of how I kept holding her hand. I'm so preoccupied that I don't even notice the fans looking for autographs until I'm almost past them so I stop abruptly and roll down the window. There are a few kids and I hate that they wait, especially in the cold, so I like to stop for them. With that chore finished, I drive to meet the guys for dinner. A few of us decided to have an unofficial team dinner. There's a few of us who don't have wives or girlfriends and we often go out for dinner together. Sometimes coaches or trainers join us.

After using valet parking, I head into the steak house and am escorted to the table. Most of the guys are already here so I sit in one of the empty spots and listen to the conversation. It centres on the moves in the league, who was injured in Europe and what's going to happen during the rest of camp. This is what I've really missed; being with the guys and having fun. The talk is usually about hockey or they're ripping on each other. I stay out of that fray but do enjoy it. They must have ordered a bunch of appetizers before I got here because food starts coming out and everyone digs in. I join in because I'm starving. Between the workout and practice, I definitely need to replenish some calories. As we talk about the day, it doesn't take long for the conversation to turn to the new staff member. "What about that Sloan? Who knew that Burkle had such a hot daughter? Have you ever met her Sid?" Nealer, who asked the question, and everyone else turn to look at me. I shrug and say "nope" but that's it. The guys go back to discussing her best attributes. It seems that there is a debate between her legs and her ass that begins to get heated. We're all surprised when we hear a throat clear loudly and look to see that it's from Sam Kasan who is also looking a little embarrassed. When we see who he's with then we know where the embarrassment is from; standing beside Sam is Sloan.

Without missing a beat, Sloan steps forward, grabs a piece of celery from TK's plate and says "don't stop on my account boys. A girl takes every compliment she can when she can" and then she sits down next Simon Despres, one of the new guys, and asks him about his season so far in the AHL. It takes a moment but conversation begins again only this time the conversation has gone back to hockey. Sam sits next to me and whispers "maybe I should have told someone that I invited her. It's her first day in town and I thought she shouldn't eat alone." I smile at Sam and say "it's not your fault. It was a nice thing to do Sam, really." He looks a little relieved. I'm sure he's nervous about getting a new boss and, although he really is a nice guy, he was probably hoping for some brownie points too for inviting the boss out. I glance over at Sloan and see her laughing at something Despres says. Her gorgeous blond hair sweeps over her face and she swipes it back once again revealing her beautiful blue eyes. I know that I'm staring and I can't help it. Thankfully the waitress comes to take our order.

As I watch Sloan throughout the evening, trying to do it so that no one notices, I see that she's very at ease. She flirts with Nealer and teases TK. She picks at something off of Tangradi's plate and laughs at a joke Morrow makes. I don't know how she does it. I always feel so awkward when I'm thrown into new situations. If it's about hockey then I'm fine; hockey has been my life since I was two years old. If it's anything else then I'm out of my depth and don't know what to do. Right now, everyone's attention is centred on Sloan. She's telling a story and every guy at the table is hanging on her every word. This makes it easier for me to study her. I notice that she's taken her jacket off and rolled the sleeves on her shirt. It plunges as I thought it did and reveals just enough to make me salivate for more. When she runs her fingers through her hair, I follow every movement. What is it about this woman? She must have finished her story because the guys laugh. "How come we've never met you before Sloan?" TK asks her. "Your brother and sister came out in 2009 when we won the Cup but you didn't." Everyone's eyes go back to her. For a split second I see something come into her eyes. I'm not sure if I'm seeing sadness but there is something there for a flash then it's gone and is replaced by a saucy smile. "Tyler, if you lived in LA, would you want to come to Pittsburgh?" The guys all laugh and then the argument about west coast versus east coast begins and everyone gets involved. I notice that Sloan is quiet now and seems almost detached from the group even though she hasn't physically moved. It's weird but I feel oddly protective of her and want to take away whatever it is that put that look ever so briefly into her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

It was really important to have dinner with Sam and some of the players tonight but I still have so much work to do. Its now ten o'clock and I haven't nearly accomplished everything I needed to do today. Overall, it was a good first day. I shook up my team, which they needed, and set the vision. Hopefully their creative juices will flow now. Sam reached out and asked if I wanted to join some of them going out for dinner. I realize that part of it was his being nice to the new boss but I really believe he was also being genuine so I went. It surprised me that so many of the players were there. Of course HE was too. As I think back to earlier in the day, the encounter with Sid was really weird. For someone who is always polished and practiced with the media, he sure has stunted social skills. He was quiet all night. I had so much fun with the other guys but Sid was remote and distant. It was weird and yet, it's a couple hours later, and I can't stop thinking about him. It's driving me crazy. Hoping to purge my fixation on him, I start with his file and review the past media strategies they've established for Sid. Wow, they rarely did anything proactively with him. Most of the strategy was to meet requests and fit in his corporate sponsorship to the schedule. It's crazy that they didn't strategize better for him.

My strategy to purge my fixation backfires on me as I see picture after picture in his file. They're mostly official team photos; but, those eyes and those lips pull me in. When I go all the way back to his first year, when he was just eighteen, I can't help but think how young he was then. They built this franchise around him and he was just a kid. Wow, he was the youngest captain ever and the youngest captain to ever win the Stanley Cup. He's packed a lot into his years. I look up his birthday and see that he's twenty five. Ok, not as young as I thought but still young. I wonder what it was like for him to shoulder the responsibility of the leading the team and being the key to success at such a young age. It couldn't have been easy. I focus again on the marketing of the captain and it looks like his agent has been dictating what happens, when it happens and how it happens. I realize that we need to work closely with the agents but we need to think of the team as well as the player. I can't be dictated to by agents. I'd have more than twenty of them telling me how to do different things to showcase their player. It's just not possible and may not be in the best interest of the team. I'm going to need some guidance on this one since its Sidney Crosby. We need to handle him with kid gloves. He's the leader of the team and the best player in the world so we need to make sure that he's happy. Of course my mind goes directly into the gutter of what I'd like to do to make sure that he's happy but I give my head a shake again. I really need to focus here. Damnit, I'm not going to get any more work done tonight. I'm too jet lagged and too preoccupied. Maybe I'll be fresher in the morning. I don't remember anything after that until I hear banging.

I wake up to pounding on my hotel room door. I pull the pillow over my head but the pounding keeps going. Resigned to being awake, I get up and go to door forgetting that I'm only wearing a tank top and boy shorts that I find so comfortable to sleep in. I must still be sleepy because I don't think to check out who it is through the peep hole until I'm already opening the door. I'm stunned to see that it's Sidney Crosby.

He pushes me back into the room and then against the wall as the door slams behind him. He doesn't say a word. Instead his lips are on mine taking them in big, greedy bites. It takes me a moment to catch up but, when I do, I nip at his bottom lip like I've wanted to do since I first saw those beautiful, plump lips. I grab onto his shoulders and his hands slip under my tank. I move my hands to feast in his hair and his hands slide up further until his thumbs each find one of my nipples. He plays with them until they are each hard peaks. I gasp into his mouth and he slips his tongue inside to duel with mine. I meet his quickly and play until we're both gasping for breath. He takes this opportunity to kiss down my cheek, jaw and then devours my neck. I arch to give him better access which he quickly takes. His hands have slid back down now and are inside my shorts. He pushes them down until they fall to my ankles. His clever fingers make quick work of slipping between my legs and cupping me. I cry out but his mouth smothers my cry. He slips two fingers to my clit and begins to rub. Like everything else since he came in the door, it's hot and fast and makes me cry out again. I feel myself getting out of control and it pisses me off when I hear a phone. I look around to see where it's coming from and Sidney attacks my neck again with his lips. Oh God, those clever, clever lips.

Damnit, that phone is really annoying and it's getting louder. That's when I open my eyes and realize that I've been dreaming and my cell phone is really ringing. Oh wow, that felt incredibly real. I can actually feel where he was touching me in my dream and I'm definitely soaked between my legs. I sit up on the sofa, grab my phone and answer it. "What do you want?" I say. "Nice mouth on you. You kiss your daddy with that mouth sweetheart?" I want to be pissed at the interruption of that hot dream but I can't be mad at my partner, Jeffery. He always manages to put a smile on my face. "Sorry Jeffery, I was asleep. What time is it anyway?" I look at the clock and it's two in the morning. "Jeffery, it's 2am, why are you calling me?" He chuckles in his carefree way. "Sorry darling, I forgot about the time difference. It's only ten here. How was your first day?" I settle back onto the sofa again. "Good I guess. I think I fell asleep working though. I'm on the sofa. Jeffery, there is so much to do here and my team is so green." "Sloan, I don't care about your team. I want to hear about the players. Are they as hot as I dream they are? When are you going to invite me out to visit the locker room? You know that I'm in between boyfriends at the moment." Jeffery is always in between boyfriends. Sometimes he's underneath them, on top of them, but he's always looking. "Jeffery, you do realize that it's winter here and that means cold. It's not 'put on a cardigan' cold like LA. It's 'freeze vital body parts' cold here. Anyway, I'd have way too much to do to entertain you. Wait a few weeks, ok?" He chuckles and then we chat a little more before hanging up.

I contemplate going back to my work but I'm too damn tired although still really turned on. I hop in the shower and hope that a nice, hot shower will do the trick. When I don't feel myself relaxing, I make use of the vibrating shower head and finish off what Dream Sidney Crosby started. With that taken care of I'm able to relax into the heat of the water. It doesn't take me long to finish getting ready for bed. I grab my phone and take a quick look at my schedule for tomorrow. It's a habit I formed a few years ago. If I look at my schedule before I go to bed then I don't have thoughts swirling there all night because I know that the day is planned. With all of that done, I settle back against the pillows and do quickly fall asleep.

* * *

Driving to Southpointe for practice, I think about everything that happened yesterday. We started training camp which should have felt familiar but everything is different since it's a shortened season. It's really weird not having Jordan Staal here. Sutter is fitting in well but Jordan has been such a huge part of the team that he's definitely missed. I've got Kuni and Duper back on my line and the coaches are looking for a winger for Geno's line. He has Nealer of course but he needs another good winger. One of the WBS guys might work. When I pull into the parking lot I see that the visitor's lot is packed. It's an open practice and it seems that a lot of the fans have taken advantage of it. I wave to the fans waiting outside but don't stop. I never stop on my way in; only on my way out.

After parking, I make my way inside and greet the guys as I pass them. Most of them are eating breakfast. I grab mine quickly and then begin warming up before practice. Even for practice I have my routines. The guys all know to leave me alone when I'm getting ready for a practice or game. Except for when we kick the soccer ball around I'm pretty quiet and keep to myself while warming up. I notice the camera guys from In the Room taking video. That's one of the things that I never get used to; there are always cameras around either taking video or pictures. At least these are Penguins guys and not the media. There's no way that they would show anything unflattering of the players. Tom is with them and comes over to chat. "Hey Sid, great practice yesterday." I've never really liked Tom. I've tried to like him but he's always been difficult for some reason. I had to get Ray involved to get Frank fired last summer because Tom wouldn't do it. Frank was supposed to be my media liaison but was pretty much useless at the job. I told them that I didn't want a new one. It's bad enough that I have to face the media every time I turn around. I definitely don't want a communications guy around all the time too. "Hi Tom, how are you doing?" He smiles and says "great. We're filming again for In the Room and you know that's my baby." This is one of the reasons the guy drives me crazy. He has a huge ego and needs to have it stroked constantly. "Yeah Tom, that's great." One of the camera guys calls him so Tom heads off.

I head into the change room and take my street clothes off and put on my practice clothes that I wear underneath my gear. When I come out to the locker room, I almost run into Sloan. I have to grab her so that I don't run her over. She laughs, fuck she has a sexy laugh, and says "we really need to stop meeting like this Sid." I laugh too and we part. "Sorry" is all I say and walk to my stall. When I sit down, I see that she's followed me. "Sid, can I pick your brain for a minute?" After I nod, she sits down beside me and crosses her legs. Her skirt rides up farther and distracts me for a moment. She says "oh, don't let me stop you from getting ready" so I grab my pads and begin dressing. "Sid, we have the washing in a few days and I've been looking at everything you guys have to do in one day." I chuckle when she says 'washing.' She looks at me when I laugh and I say "it's called the car wash. The media day, we call it the car wash." She laughs now too. "Thanks, clearly I'm still getting used to the hockey lingo. Anyway, is there any way that we can make it easier on you guys? There is so much to do and it's packed into one afternoon. The time is really tight. Would it be better over a couple of days?" I look at her now. No one has ever asked a player what we think of the car wash. We just do what we're told that day. I give some thought to her question. Shrugging a shoulder, I reply "it is a rough day. We all hate it but it has to be done. I think it's better to get it over with at one time than stretching it to more days." I look back at her and she nods. She looks like she wants to say something more but then says "thanks for your help Sid" and walks away. I watch every step she takes, I'm only human, until she turns the corner and is out of the room. Damn, that woman knows how to walk.

"She looks good coming and going, eh?" Duper whispers beside me. I look at him surprised because he never says those kinds of things. "Hey, I'm married Sid, not dead. You on the other hand are very much alive and single. Are you going to let Nealer beat you to her?" I just shrug at him. "Seriously Sid, she's only here for a few months and then she'll be gone. Sure she's the boss's daughter, which makes it a little odd, but she's hot and single. You should make a move." I can't help it; I look at him like he's crazy. "Seriously Sid, how long has it been, huh?" I won't answer that and Duper knows it; but, we both know that it's been a while. "Yeah, I don't know Duper." I go back to putting on my equipment and Duper goes back to his stall. When I'm ready, I go out to the ice and I'm the first one on it. Again, I feel the peace that comes from being the first one out. The scrape of the blades on the ice and the slap of the stick against the puck are so familiar and yet I never take it for granted. After the past two years and playing only intermittently, I savour every moment that I'm on the ice and playing hockey. In less than a week we'll be playing our first game and I can't wait.

* * *

Of course I get lost trying to find Southpointe. I must get a GPS because this city makes no sense to me. I review the decision I've made: I will talk to Sidney Crosby every chance I get to make him real and less of the incredibly hot hockey player he is in my mind. I'm sure once I get to know him then he'll be like most athletes I've met; self-centred, egotistical and always trying to prove themselves. As I enter the locker room, I'm not off to a great start when I walk right into him. I decide to laugh it off and say "we really need to stop meeting like this Sid." He laughs too and simply says "sorry" before moving off to his area. Ok, this is going to be hard if he doesn't say more than one word to me. I follow him and ask him for a moment of his time. I sit down beside him and try not to gag on the smell of the equipment. Do you ever really get used to the stench? I ask him a lame question about the media day coming up. He actually takes a moment and seems to consider it carefully. He answers and then I really have nothing more to say. Looking at him, my mouth goes dry as I see the broad shoulders and muscular arms. It makes me relive some of my dream so I say "thanks for your help Sid" and leave the room as fast as possible. Ok, I really need to start thinking more with my head right now so I seek out Sam and Michelle.

I find them out by the ice. Sam is taking pictures of the crowd and as I look at where his camera is pointed I see that the place is packed full. I can't help but smile when I see all of the kids in the audience, damn it's probably not called an audience. Bleachers? Stands? Oh well, I'll pick this up soon, I hope. "Hi Sam, Michelle. Looks like we have a packed house." They turn and look surprised to see me. Maybe they thought that I'd stay in the office. I look to the ice and watch Sid go out first. He shoots a puck at the boards first and then into the net. After he skates around a bit more, other guys begin to join him on the ice and finally the coaches. The guys begin warm up drills. Sam continues to take pictures and there is the official photographer too. As I look at Michelle's phone, I see that she's Tweeting about the practice. I've seen the data on their Twitter followers and Tweets and it's really impressive. They have the most active followers of any NHL team. I know I should continue to observe them but my eyes are drawn back to Sid again. As they skate up and down the ice, I can't help but appreciate how graceful he is on the ice. Essentially they're gliding on thin pieces steel and he makes it look so easy. There's elegance to him that I've never noticed in hockey players. Of course I've never had erotic dreams about one either.

When he gets back in line to wait for his turn again, his eyes catch mine. I know that I should look away but I can't. What is it about his guy? I keep getting pulled back to him over and over. If my mind isn't betraying me then my body is and I have a primeval reaction to him every time. I focus back on Michelle and Sam occasionally asking questions about the practice, their roles and to get their thoughts on various ideas. As we talk, we are all watching the practice too. That makes it easier for me to watch Sid without it looking like I'm watching him. "Practice is over" I hear Michelle say and both she and Sam quickly leave. I follow them back to the locker room where Jennifer is holding the press until the players are in the room. I head in myself and see the players trickle in a small group at a time. The room is full and, good God, the stench gets worse. When the press is allowed in, I watch most of them make a clear line to Sid. Jennifer doesn't jump in immediately so I say to her "I want to jump in if you don't mind." It's more of a statement than a question but I didn't want to just push her out of the way.

I walk over to where the press has surrounded Sid. There are a couple of cameras, Sam has one of them, and a lot of microphones and recorders in his face. They wait until he takes off his helmet and sits down before they start lobbing questions at him. For a moment, I'm transfixed by the sweaty hair curling onto his forehead. This man is seriously sex on a stick. I shake my head and move closer deciding to try something. Before Sid can answer a question, I loudly say "Mr. Crosby only has a few minutes for questions today. Please be as brief as you can and give your colleagues a chance too." Everyone's eyes snap to me for a moment, including Sid's, and then they turn back to him and start lobbing the questions. I started the stop watch on my phone to see how long the 'good' questions take to run out. These are the thoughtful questions about the game, team or Sid. After six minutes, the first stupid question is asked. A reporter says "how are you feeling Sid? Any concussion symptoms?" Fuck, don't these guys have anything else to ask. When I looked through the footage from the lockout, the poor guy was asked this question almost daily and answered it every time the same; he feels fine and no symptoms. At least I'm here now and can put a stop to it. Before Sid can answer, I jump in and say "I'm sorry but that's all for today. Thank you all very much but Mr. Crosby has other obligations." Everyone just stares at me for a moment and I stare right back. I win this game of chicken every time so they can stare as long as they like. They see that I'm serious and all wander off to talk to other players. As they walk away, I hear someone whisper "I guess they were bound to get someone who knows what they're doing some day." I smile a little at that because it tells me that I'm doing my job right.

Ok, now I need to stroke Sid. I mean verbally of course although physically would be fun too. I sit in the empty spot beside him and whisper so that no one can hear me. "I'm so sorry that I didn't give you a heads up that I'd be managing your presser Sid. It was really a last minute decision and I wanted to see how the press responded. We want to create a policy around pressers and I needed to hear one raw and see their reactions to know what might work." He has been taking off his gear as I'm talking to him and nodding at me. "Thanks Sloan. I don't mind either way." Oh oh, I need to make sure that he really is ok with it. "Would you prefer to handle it yourself?" I ask him. He snorts and laughs which seems so out of character to the quiet Sid I've seen over the past two days. "Definitely no. If you want to stop them every time they ask about concussion symptoms then I wouldn't mind at all." He looks at me and we share a smile. There is a definite moment that happens between us. I feel drawn to him and not just physically this time. Someone calls his name and the moment is gone. I thank him and quickly leave his side. I'm definitely in for more dreams tonight!


	4. Chapter 4

The car wash looks exactly as Sid described it: painful. When I saw the plan for the afternoon, I noticed quite a few holes and if this is really the only time that we get the players all together to record and film things then I want to make the most of it. I added a few photo shoots and a couple extra pieces of video. The biggest change was a 'making of' shooting. This is something the fans never get to see and they love the behind the scenes material; thus began my first argument with Tom. After I reviewed the plan, I went to Tom's office hoping that he would feel more comfortable there than being 'summoned' to mine. After talking to him about the day and a couple of the additions I wanted to see, I decided to approach the behind the scenes. "Tom, the In the Room series has been so popular, I wonder if there's an opportunity to do something at the car wash?" I pause and take a breath but can't go any further because Tom jumps in. "We have a very full afternoon and there is no way that I can supervisor filming and do everything that I have to do for the day." I take a deep breath and put a smile on my face. "I can appreciate that Tom. Why don't we look at what I can be involved in so that you can do some of the filming." This was the comment that made his face turn beet red. "So now you want to take over the whole thing?" I take a mental breath this time because all I want to do is smack him upside the head. "Tom, that's not what I said. I asked if there were some of your activities that I can help with so that you are freed up for the filming." He stands now but I stay seated in his visitor chair. "There is no way that you are taking over this thing. I put my heart and soul in planning it meticulously and building it to a well-run afternoon. I'm not letting you take it over!" He is raising his voice now and getting very aggressive so it's time for me to put an end to this, immediately.

I stand as well but speak softly. "Tom, I understand your point of view and appreciate that you are passionate about doing the best job that you can. This afternoon, I want you working with the cameramen for In the Room and taking as much 'behind the scenes' footage as you can. You can take the next few hours to plan your shots and review it with your filming team. I will take over all of your duties during the event so that you can focus on this activity." He opens his mouth so I glare at him hard and he closes it quickly. "I also want you to take this opportunity to consider how you've approached this meeting, how you spoke to me and how you would like our relationship to move forward. I'm telling you right now that this is the last time you will raise your voice to me and attempt to physically intimidate me. My goal is to help out this season and make it a success. That includes working well with the entire communications team. You have to decide if you want to participate because this" I use two fingers to gesture between us "will never happen again." I pause for a moment to let that sink in and then I turn and leave the room.

I can feel myself begin to shake as I head down the hall. I was able to control it inside Tom's office but I can't control it anymore. I feel my hands start first and cross my arms but I know that won't do any good. My focus is on simply getting to my office, shutting the door and having a minor meltdown. When it's out of my system then I'll be fine. I just need to get it out and then compose myself again. "Sloan?" I hear someone call my name but I keep moving toward my office. The office is my goal now and when I reach it then I know everything will be ok. Just as I'm entering it, I feel a hand on my arm. I can't help it, I flinch and pull my arm away quickly. I see that it's Sid and damn his bad timing. Before I completely break down I say "Sid, can I find you later. I'm late for something." I know it's a lame excuse but can't think of anything else other than being alone. He looks like he's going to leave but then he says "are you ok?" I manage a "yeah" and turn praying that he won't follow me. I hear the door close and sigh in thanks. When I turn around I'm surprised that Sid is still in my office. He shut the door but stayed on this side.

He goes to the small fridge in the corner and grabs two bottles of water. He walks over to me and hands me one and then gestures to the sofa and chair in the corner. I follow him over and sit down. Drinking down half the bottle, I try to calm myself down with some deep breathing. While I wish I was alone, maybe having him here is helping me hold it together better because I need to; it wouldn't be good to break down in front of the star client. I feel my heart rate slowing and the sweat drying up. Thank God the panic attacks come less and less often but, because they do, they catch me off guard and are brutal. I open my eyes and see that Sidney is staring at me thoughtfully. What the hell am I supposed to say to him now? "Our team shrink taught me how to do that deep breathing thing. Mostly before the finals when we won the Cup. I would get anxiety and it really helped." I'm stunned that he's sharing this with me. Aren't players supposed to have extreme bravado and ego? If he's being so candid with me then I guess I need to give him something. "Yeah, it usually helps me. I just had a run in with one of my staff and it got particularly nasty. I had to pull the 'boss' card and tell them what they're doing; which didn't go over very well." Sidney nods, takes a drink of his water and says "sometimes the coach has to make the call. Every player has their role and as a centre, I call the plays on the face off. Occasionally, usually when the game is on the line, coach will take a time out and call the play himself. He's the coach and that's his job. My job is to execute the play he called to the best of my ability." Oh my God, he's intuitive, self-effacing and agreeing with me. I just don't understand him. Of course the altercation with Tom, in and of itself, wasn't the reason that I was shook up but we'll let Sidney think so.

Wanting to change the subject, I ask "were you looking for me?" At my question he turns beet red. Seriously, this is the best hockey player in the world? He's blushing! It isn't often that I'm wrong but I definitely was in thinking this guy would be an arrogant ass. I'm very rarely wrong about people; however, I'm clearly wrong this time. I wait for him to take another drink of his water and then he says "I heard Michelle say that you're going to film some behind the scenes things this afternoon." Oh, he wants to talk about work. Why do I feel slightly disappointed? "Yeah Sid, the fans love it and I thought we'd take advantage of showing behind the scenes of the car wash. Most will never have even heard about it before." He nods and replies "it's a good idea." That's all he says; he doesn't continue at all. I nod and say "thanks" then we simply sit here looking at each other. I guess one of us needs to say something. Why do I feel like this is a first date? "I see that they have you doing some extra promos. I guess you're used to that by now, huh?" He nods at me and replies "yeah, there are usually a few extras for me. I also have some stuff to sign too." I never thought about that; he must always have 'extra stuff' to do that the other guys don't. I've seen his schedule and it's crazy busy. Part of that could be because of the shortened season but I'm getting the feeling that this guy always tries to do the extra things.

"I heard that you're thinking of doing some extra stuff for the fans at games" he says. At first I wonder how he would have heard about it and then I realize it must be from Mario. "Yeah, I think we've decided to offer discounts on merchandise for the first game and then we'll do concession discounts for a few more." He nods then says "I heard that some of the other teams have heard about it and are going to do the same thing." This surprises me. We just finalized it this morning and it's already out there. I guess the hockey world is very, very small. He must notice that I'm surprised because he continues. "They would have told the NHL offices and then it spreads from there very quickly." I nod now and add "and I thought gossip spread fast in Hollywood." We both chuckle a bit. "I think I heard that you trained in LA during the summer, right?" He nods and says "yeah. I love the weather and the beaches. There's a few guys that training out there for a few weeks. We share the same trainer and he puts on a few camps for us where we do both on ice and off ice stuff." Wow, this is the longest thing Sid has said to me. I guess talking about hockey opens him up. I really want to keep him talking and with me so I start asking questions about the team.

For the first time since I met Sid, he's become animated and even smiles when he recounts a particularly spectacular goal that Dupuis made in practice yesterday. He doesn't like to talk about himself but he's eager to give his team mates praise. I can see why they made him captain. I've long since stopped taking in his words because I'm so preoccupied with his eyes, his lips, the way his tongue darts out to moisten his lips. Damn, for not the first time I can't help thinking that this man is sex on a stick.

* * *

I'm so glad that she's smiling. I was really worried at her reaction when I called out to her. It was like she was running away and when she turned to look at me I started getting really worried. She looked like the proverbial deer-in-the-headlights and she was stark white. I'm glad that I didn't listen when she said that she was ok. It took a little while for her to calm down but she did the deep breathing thing that the shrink taught me and it helped. No sooner had that thought entered my head then it was out of my mouth and I tell her about the team shrink. What the fuck is this woman doing to me? She didn't seem to want to chat but she also wasn't in any hurry to get rid of me. When she asked about hockey I almost breathed a sigh of relief. At least I know hockey. I can talk about hockey and for the next ten minutes or so I do just that. I'm not even sure what I'm saying at this point. Regardless of what I'm saying, it allows me to look at her beautiful smile, that sexy dimple and her fathomless eyes.

The knock on her door startles both of us. "Come in" she calls out and stands. Michelle and Sam come in and then Sam says "oh, I'm sorry to interrupt. We can come back." Sloan shakes her head and gestures them in. I know that this is my cue to leave so I get up and walk to the door. "Sid" Sloan calls to me so I turn around. She smiles, pauses and then says "thank you." I hold her gaze for a long moment getting lost in the gorgeous blue of her eyes then I nod and leave her office.

Walking down the hall, I think back to when I saw her almost running down the hall. The moment I saw her, I knew that something was wrong. What made her so scared? She was much more than upset; she was scared. When I saw the fear on her face, I didn't think. I followed her into her office and shut the door. She would have preferred if I was on the other side but I couldn't leave her alone. Finding her bar fridge, I grabbed a couple bottles of water and gestured for her to sit. As we talked, I saw her begin to relax and calm down. She even smiled a few times and I think we were having fun until the knock on her door. Although I searched, I couldn't think of a reason to stay so I left. When she thanked me and gave me a tentative but warm smile, I think my heart was lost in that very small moment.

Now, as I sit in the locker room fully dressed and waiting to be called for pictures, I run our encounter over and over in my mind. I've never had such a short interaction have such an impact. I've been hot for her since I first saw her walk by in that short, tight skirt that I'm happy she's also wearing one today, but today there was more. Fuck, maybe Duper's right and I just need to get laid. It just doesn't feel right thinking about Sloan as a quick fuck. She's Ron's daughter too. That makes it infinitely more complicated. "Sid!" I hear my name called and make my way towards the ice. One of the guys tells me where they want me to skate, stop and when to look into the camera. They make it sound so important like it's a shootout. I skate, like I've been doing since I was two years old, then I stop like I've been doing since I was two and half years old and then I look into the camera. When the director says 'action,' I follow the instructions; skate, stop, look. That's when I see Sloan standing at the edge of the ice. "Cut! Sid, after you've stopped, I need you to look into the camera. It looked like you were looking off to your left in the last shot." Fuck! Yes, I was looking off to the left. I was looking at the most beautiful woman I've ever seen on the ice in impossibly high heels and that short skirt.

I reset and complete the sequence again only this time I look into the camera. They make me do it two more times and then I'm ushered onto the next activity. A few more pictures in full gear and then off to the locker room to change. After a quick shower and change, I leave the change room and find Sloan at my stall. When she sees me, she stands and offers me a clean jersey. She takes a quick look around and then whispers "Sid, thanks for earlier. I'm very sorry that you had to see that but I do appreciate your support." I don't get why she's apologizing to me so I just nod. "You have your team photo and then some stand ups for future video." She gestures for me to follow her so I do. Usually I have one of the interns or temps walk me through this so I'm not sure why Sloan is doing it; not that I'm complaining about it. I follow her and can't help but watch her fine ass in that tight skirt. Yeah, I'll follow Sloan anywhere she wants to go.

We head down the hall and I know we're going to do the player photo first. The make-up person does a few things to my face. I hate it but am too used to it to complain. They do the same thing for sit-down interviews. They know me well by now and don't touch my hair. I'm set up and they take a few test shots to make sure everything works then we start; neutral face, smile now, bigger, smaller. It's crazy and I just try to follow instructions so that I can get it done as fast as possible. God, apparently my smile isn't good enough for the photographer. What the hell does the guy want? I'm a hockey player and not a model. Trying not to roll my eyes, I look away from the photographer because there's no way that I'll be smiling at him and make it genuine; I want to punch him. Looking to his right I see Sloan and that's all I need to smile. It's weird how someone I didn't even know a day ago can instantly make me smile.

As we leave the room, Sloan leans into me and whispers "I don't know how you have the patience. It would drive me crazy to be in front of a camera so much in one day." I feel her breath on my neck and break out in goose bumps. I feel an answering twitch in my dick and pray that it stays at a twitch. At least the jersey's long enough to hide anything for pictures but I will have to take it off at some point. I turn to smile at her and didn't realize that she was still close in to me. I almost catch her lips with mine. Of course the 'almost' part means that our heads knock together. What is it with me lately? I'm either walking into her, catching her when she'd rather be alone or banging my head into hers. Thankfully she's laughing. It's an incredible sound and so infectious that I'm laughing too. "Sid, please don't tell anyone that happened. I don't want it to get out that after only one day here I've injured the franchise player." I follow her again and we go into an office. It's time to do voice overs. As I rhyme off the required script for the various radio stations, I am acutely aware of how small the office is and how close Sloan is sitting next to me. When she tosses her hair back, I catch a whiff of her perfume and flub a line. This is crazy. I am going to have to stay away from her or I'm going to have to man up. The problem is that I don't think that I can do either.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: I hope that you are enjoying the story so far. Would love to know your thoughts.**

* * *

I let it happen for the second night in a row only this time it's Michelle; as I pack up my stuff around 8pm, she pops by my office. "Oh good, you're still here" she says to me. I gesture for her to sit down but she says "no, I was stopping by to ask you to come out with us. A bunch of the guys and some of the back office staff are going to diesel. You have to come with us." She smiles widely at me and I once again feel that I have to say yes. "Sure" I tell her and leave my briefcase beside my desk. I know I'm not getting any work done tonight so I'll just come in really early tomorrow. We both stop at the bathroom to check our hair and make-up. When we're ready, we leave Consol and Michelle drives us there. "Do valet" I tell her. "I'll pay for it." It's so fucking cold right now that there's no way that I'm walking farther than ten feet in this cold. We stop to check our jackets and on a whim I leave my suit jacket too.

I can tell that Michelle has definitely been here before because the bouncers greet her and let us into a VIP area where I see some of the players. Sam's here too so I'm really glad that I came. After greeting him and chatting for a bit, James Neal approaches me and asks what I want to drink then goes to order it for me. The place is filling up but not packed yet. I look around to see if any more of from my team are here but, if I'm honest with myself, I'm really looking for him. I know the instance I find him. He's facing away but I'd know that great ass anywhere, it looks spectacular in jeans and his shoulders seem impossibly broad in a long-sleeved tee shirt. "Here you go" I look beside me and James is back with my dirty martini. As I sip, he makes a lewd comment about it being dirty enough for me. I simply raise one eyebrow at him. He shrugs and says "a guy has to try right?" I smile at him and chuckle; he's definitely harmless. I have to lean in for him to hear me because the music was just turned up. I say "and you tried admirably but it's never going to happen James." He seems to take it philosophically so we chat some more and he has me laughing. Who knew James Neal could be so hilarious. I've noticed that the rest of the guys treat him like a little brother and he's kind of like that but with a great sense of humour.

* * *

It was a great idea to come out with the guys. When we're at diesel they usually rope off a section for so that no one bothers us. At least until TK or one of the other guys starts bringing girls in. "Man, that woman is so fucking hot." TK says to me. I don't even bother to look where he is because he's said it at least a half dozen times since we got here. They're usually not even worth looking and I'm not in the mood tonight anyway. "Seriously Sid, if that's how they make them in LA then I should be playing for the fucking Kings." That catches my attention and I turn to see exactly what's been preoccupying my mind all evening; I guess I should say who. Yep, there she is and TK is right. She took off her suit jacket and is wearing another men's style shirt tucked into her very short skirt. There's a mile of leg to look at too. Nealer joins her and gives her a drink. He leans in and whispers something to her and then she returns in kind. The two of them are whispering and laughing. I feel an instant jealousy and want to stalk over and punch him.

The guys are talking about her but I'm not listening. All of my attention is on her as she sips her drink and flirts with Nealer. There's no way that she could like him. Sure, he's a good guy and women usually laugh and flirt with him but she wouldn't really have any interest in him; would she? TK makes a very crude comment about her and that's about all I can take. "TK stop it. Regardless of what you think of her, that's Ron's daughter and she deserves a little more respect than that, ok?" Both he and Sutter look at me like I've grown two heads and simply nod then go over to talk to Geno and Despres. I'm left standing there alone with my beer and watching Nealer and Sloan together. It's torturous. It should be me with her and not him. Brooding, I continue to watch them until Michelle interrupts them, grabs Sloan and pulls her to the dance floor. As much to watch them as to see how far Nealer got, I go to the railing above the dance floor and stand beside him. "Did you get anywhere?" I ask him as nonchalantly as I can manage. He just shrugs and continues to watch the crowd. I'm really hoping that the shrug means that he got nowhere with her or maybe that's simply wishful thinking on my part.

Nealer and I watch them on the dance floor. There are a lot of people out for so early in the evening and the dance floor is packed. I can't help but follow Sloan's every move. Her blond hair sways around her as she moves her head. Her waist is impossibly small and then her hips flare out. Of course I can't think of anything else when my eyes zero in on her ass in that short, snug skirt. Her hips gyrate and I feel my body begin to respond. This is no good but I can't keep my eyes off of her. I hear a yell behind me and watch Geno, Despres and Tangradi head down to the dance floor. Geno loves to dance and especially if he's had some vodka. We're all in training so I know that no one will overdo it but he's definitely enjoying himself.

The guys meet up with the girls and now they're dancing all together. Seeing his opportunity, Nealer leaves me and heads down too. I don't dance, actually I can't dance, so I stay where I am and just watch. I see rather than hear Geno shouting up to me to join them and then I look over to Sloan and her eyes lock with mine. I never dance but I'm so drawn to her that I finish off my beer and head downstairs. I get a lot of chirping as I join the group because the guys know that I hate this but I give them the "I'm the captain look" that I use when they want me to do something that I hate. It gets around quickly that the players have left the VIP area and in no time girls are on us. I have to say 'no thanks' when I girl whispers something to me about leaving together. I hate it when that happens. Most guys would love it, I'm sure, but I just feel awkward.

Tangradi bumps into me which makes me go sideways a bit and directly into Sloan. The place is so packed that we are flush against each other. In her heels, we are aligned eye to eye along with some of our other parts. Like it's a movie scene, the music slows down and my instinct takes over. I slip my hands around her waist to hold her there and her hands slowly slide up my arms until they are on my shoulders. We never break eye contact. Simply swaying to the music, it's obvious to us both that it's just an excuse to get our hands on each other. I can feel every single place where her body is pressed up against mine. In the shirts she's been wearing, I've only seen a hint of her breasts. Now that they are pressed up against my chest, I can tell l that they are ample and itch to touch them. Her tongue darts out and licks her lip and that one movement is the most erotic thing I've ever seen in my life. I can feel my dick respond and I see the instant that she feels it too. Her big blue eyes widen slightly and then narrow as she smiles. When her dimple appears I almost lose it. Fearing that I'm going to make a fool of myself, I say "excuse me" and head to the washrooms. I know there's a door to the back alley there. Sometimes the bouncers let us slip out that way.

I get out into the cold and feel it immediately snap me out of the sexual haze I've been in for the last hour. Fuck, If I I'm honest, it's been for the last two days and since I first met Sloan. I lean back against the brick and let the cold air cool me down. That is until I hear the door open and glance over to see Sloan follow me out. I stand up straight as she saunters over to me. There is no other way to describe how she's walking other than sauntering. She has a smile on her face like she knows exactly what she's doing to me. My eyes travel down and I can see that her nipples poking through her bra and shirt. It could be the cold or it could be something else. She stops directly in front of me, just shy of us touching. I swallow hard.

"You left pretty quick Sid" she says. I can only nod. She takes a step closer and now we are flush against each other again. My hands naturally go to her waist which I can almost span with my two hands. I feel her hard nipples through the thin tee shirt I'm wearing. Her hands rest on my chest at first and then they slide up until they are at either sides of my neck. Fuck, what is this woman doing to me? I have never had this kind of instant, hard attraction to a woman ever and never one who seemed to return it in spades. She leans her face in and softly presses her lips to mine. It's not even a kiss. It's more like a whisper of a kiss. Just when I'm considering how sweet it is, her tongue darts out and takes a quick lick of my lips. I don't think anymore, I just act and pull her hard against me and take her lips with mine. The kiss is solid and unrelenting. I tilt my head to have better access and my tongues gives chase to hers. We joust and parry back and forth. Neither of us can get enough now.

As we continue to kiss, I feel her hips begin to grind against mine; my dick answers and strains against denim to get closer to her. My hands slide down to her ass and it's as perfect as I thought it would be. It's firm and soft, filling my hands perfectly. Of course this pulls her even closer until I think we may become one person we're so close. Her hands slide into my hair and she guides me down to her neck. I move the collar of her shirt and feast on the delicate skin there. She lets out a low moan that goes right to dick again and I'm growing even harder. As I kiss and lick at her neck, I move slightly away from her and she takes advantage to slide her hands down my chest, over my stomach and then up under my tee shirt. Her fingertips make my muscles jump. She slides them to my hips and then around my back, still under my shirt. I groan when her nails rack across the skin at my back. Fuck this woman is hot.

* * *

I don't know when I threw caution to the wind. It could have been when I saw him after we got to the club. It could have been when he was so kind to me earlier in my office. It was definitely when we bumped together on the dance floor and he took me in his arms. That's when I made the decision. Maybe a quick fuck is exactly what I need after the shitty day I've had and I could definitely do worse than this fine specimen of a man. At first I consider James but he already seems too much like a brother. Besides, this chemistry that I have with Sid just needs the tiniest spark to stoke the flames. I made a split second decision when he left the dance floor to follow him hoping the whole time that I wasn't doing something that I would regret. How could I possibly regret this as he nips at my neck and his hands tighten into my ass? I ignore the part of my brain that reminds me he's the superstar client and I'm the owner's daughter. I've heard all of the stories about professional athletes and the women they have available to them. This way it's mutually beneficial and he knows that there's no strings.

I can't help but moan when his hands slide my skirt up higher so that he can feel my ass under my skirt. Now it's his turn to grown as he feels my bare flesh. I always wear garters because I run my stockings so much and it has side benefits as well. His fingers dig into my bare flesh again and I cry out. He smothers my cry with his mouth and our tongues dual again. I feel the cold air on my ass but I don't care. I've long since forgot that we're outside in the dead of winter in Pittsburgh. I don't care that anyone can see us at any time. I am focused on a single purpose, a release. We hear a door slam and Sid immediately pulls me into the darkness of the ally, away from the light. He holds me close to him as we watch a couple, who just came out of the club, make out against the same wall that Sid and I just vacated. Watching the couple make out with their hands roaming all over each other is a turn on and I lean in to lick Sid's neck. I do it again and his hands come up to hold me still. Putting my lips directly on his ear, I whisper softly "I can be quiet if you can." I don't know what's come over me but I relish in this wanton behaviour. Sid shakes his head and pulls me further down the alley until we're around the corner. I start giggling and can't stop. Sid looks horrified which is surprising to me. I shrug at him and say "oops" but keep laughing. "Would you stop" he says in a low, hard whisper. "Someone could hear us." I look at him with much of the incredulity I feel. "So?" I say. Now he looks at me like I'm crazy but doesn't reply.

Oh well, I'm tired, still jet lagged and clearly not getting laid tonight so it's time to go home. I turn to walk to the front of the club. Sid grabs my arm and asks "where are you going?" I stop and turn to him "to get my things and then go home." He walks with me now and says "I'll take you." Oh God, don't tell me he's going to get clingy. "Sid, I'm a big girl and can find my own way home. Thanks." Luckily, when we near the door, he gets stopped fans and I slip inside. I manage to say good night to everyone, grab my things and get into a cab before ever seeing Sid again.

As I start to think, with my head this time, it was probably ill advised to decide on the captain of the Pens for a quick fuck. Damn, I blame the jet lag and loss of sleep. I also blame Sid because he's so incredibly hot. For the second night in a row I'm going to have a date with my shower massager because of one man: Sidney Crosby.

* * *

As I enter the club, I am scanning constantly looking for her. I see Michelle gathering her stuff to go so I approach her. "Heading out Michelle?" She smiles and says "yeah. We need to get up and into work long before you players do you know?" It's a constant joke at how many hours these guys work during the season versus the players. They do put in longer hours. As nonchalantly as I can, I ask "are you driving Sloan home?" Michelle replies "she left a little while ago. She wanted to take a cab since she's the opposite way than I'm driving." I nod and wish her a good night then make my way back up to the guys. "Where'd you disappear to Sid?" Tangradi asks me so I respond "went out for some air but had to go through the front door to get in." I don't have to say that there were lots of fans, he knows.

Soon after, we all decide to leave. We are in training camp and there's too much on the line to be tired or hung over at practice. Valet has brought my car around so I hope in with Despres and Tangradi. They need a drive to their hotel and it's on my way. They are going on about the hot girls in the club. Tangradi has a girlfriend and, while he is faithful, still loves to look. I basically tune them out and run what happened in the alley over and over in my mind. If that couple hadn't come out the door, there's no doubt in my mind that we would have had sex right in the alley. That is completely out of character for me and I don't know how it happened. Well, I guess I do know how it happened; I started thinking with my dick. I need to remember that this is Ron's daughter and she deserves better than being a quick fuck for some player. I'm going to take a page from Tangradi's book: look but don't touch. I have no idea how I'm going to manage that but I think my hand just became my best friend.

After dropping off the guys at their hotel, I make my way back to my house. At least during the lockout I got it finished. Actually, working on the house is really the only thing that kept me sane. I can't help but wish I was driving home to a family instead of being in that big house by myself. I'm glad I decided not to go the condo route but I didn't really think through how lonely a house can be. It's great when the family visits. I wonder if Sloan would like it. Where the hell did that thought come from? I've known this woman less than forty eight hours and I can't stop thinking about her.

My phone rings as I'm walking in the house. It's my dad so I answer it. We talk about camp and the plan for the beginning the season. I usually talk to him at the end of the day if he's not in town. He likes to hear about how things are going and I like to talk stuff through with someone who understands but isn't directly involved. Of course I always know that I can completely trust my dad too. That's something I was disappointed by a few times; I trusted the wrong person and got burned. Why do I think that Sloan will be different? There I go again. I'm talking about this woman like she's my girlfriend. I know nothing about her but there is one way to find out.

I go into the den and fire up the laptop. With a dad like Burkle, she has to have been in the news a few times. Fuck, there are over a million hits when I search her on Google. I work backwards in dates and learn about her successful PR firm that she just took a hiatus from. She has some really big clients and some I've even met. Before that she worked for her father running marketing and communications for his conglomerate. Everyone thought it was nepotism because she was so young, only 23 when she started, but she quickly proved everyone wrong. Wow, she's got some serious education too. Ok, I am beginning to see why Mario and Ron wanted her here. As I scroll down, the hits become personal although not about her. There are a lot of hits about Ron's divorce from his wife, Sloan's mom. Wow! I had no idea it was this bad. They sued each other for divorce and it went to the California Supreme Court. It got really ugly too and is still the biggest divorce case ever tried in a US court. I find an article in the New Yorker about the divorce and how the kids were caught in the middle. Sloan's brother sided with their dad and her sister with her mom. Sloan was caught in the middle because she didn't want to side with anyone. Hmm, she was interviewed a year ago by Forbes Magazine. They cover her years growing up as a Burkle, school, working for her father's company then that's where it gets weird. They asked her where she went for the year between working for father and starting her own PR company. She simple said that she was "travelling abroad" and wouldn't elaborate for them. What the hell does that mean; travelling abroad? I thought that this would help me understand her better but it's only created more and more questions. I have to get to know this woman better. So much for look but don't touch.


	6. Chapter 6

I had a great night's sleep but I think that was because of the jet lag catching up with me and the exhaustion of two eighteen hour days. As I sit in my office at 7am, I relish the absolute quiet. I saw the equipment staff as I came in and I'm not sure those guys ever go home. Up here in the offices though there is complete quiet and I'm managing to finish up the strategy I've been devising. Over the last two days I've met with each member of the staff and heard their ideas of what's working, what's not working and what they think we should do going forward. This afternoon we're having staff meeting with everyone involved in communications, PR and marketing. We'll have on air talent, the announcers and play by play and back office staff. I had a surprised look when I asked for the interns to be invited too. The only way that this is going to work is if we are all on the same page and moving toward the same vision. We need a common path and a common language. That will only happen if we're all together.

There are just a few more tweaks needed to my presentation. Every detail matters and I don't want to leave anything to chance. This needs to be perfect. I'm surprised when my phone rings and I see that it's an inside extension. "Hello" I say when I pick it up. "Hi Sloan it's Dana" the Pens Equipment manager. "I know that the offices don't come alive for a few hours but I wanted to let you know that we have fresh coffee and breakfast down her if you'd like anything." That is really sweet of him so I say "thanks Dana. I think I will take you up on it. I'll see you in a few minutes." The very mention of the word 'breakfast' and my stomach lets me know that it hasn't eaten yet.

They really designed this facility well. There are common elevators that a lot of people can take but you need a key card to let you onto certain floors. If you're going from the office to the secure player floors the elevator is express and stops nowhere else. I suspect they did it to keep fans away from the players but I appreciate the thought nonetheless. I'm not sure which way I should go but as I get closer to the players area I simply follow my nose. Thankfully the locker room is closed so I only smell coffee.

I arrive in the lounge and see Dana and his team eating. "That didn't take you long" Dana teases me. "The offer of coffee and time to spend with you guys is all I needed to know to fast track my way here." The guys all laugh and I grab a coffee. There is fruit, cereal and baked goods. "The hot breakfast doesn't get here until the players do" Dana tells me. That makes me think and ask "is it ok for me to be down here? Is this supposed to be only for the players?" which makes all of the guys chuckle. "No" Dana replies "we are allowed to eat before the players get here but then it's all theirs at that point." Feeling better, I grab some fruit and a bagel and sit down with the equipment staff. "So what is involved in being equipment staff and don't just tell me that you take care of the equipment. I plead ignorance and have no idea what you guys do." Paul DeFazio, the assistant equipment manager, begins "we do take care of the equipment which includes everything they wear: sweater, socks, protective equipment, under garments, skates. We spend a lot of time on their skates primarily sharpening them. We also replace the blades from time to time. Each player is different and likes their edges and steel a very specific way." Listening to this, I have a much greater appreciation for their job. "You guys also set up the locker room here and away, right?" Paul nods and says "yep. We make sure that everything is laid out exactly as it should be and occasionally exactly as the players want it." That makes me curious so I ask "you mean some players want things a specific way?" They look at each other now so I say "look, if you shouldn't be sharing stuff then I'm ok with that but know that I'm only looking to learn here. This isn't a gossip thing. In fact part of my job is to put an end to gossip." They all laugh at that and Dana picks up the conversation "there are things like Flower wanting his skates in a specific spot. Some guys want their protein drinks in their stalls or Crosby wants his sticks at his stall and no one can touch them once they're taped." So he is as superstitious as I've been hearing. One of the guys looks at his watch and they all excuse themselves to get back to work.

I take an apple and a fresh coffee with me and head back up to the offices. As I get off the elevator, I can hear that a few people are in now. Looking at my watch, I see I have a few more minutes before I meet with Ray Shero. I want him to hear about my vision and strategy before I present it to my team. He may have ideas or concerns that I'll need to incorporate. The most important thing I need from him is support for this strategy so that all of hockey operations is sharing the same vision and going in the same direction. I offered to meet in his office but he wanted to come to mine.

I just finish printing the presentation when Ray walks in the door. After greeting him, I gesture to the seating area I have which is more comfortable to have a conversation. We talk a bit about the last two days and the activities that I've been participating in. It's really a friendly and casual conversation. I immediately change my approach to talking about the communications strategy. "You know Ray, I put together a presentation for us to review and I will give it to you; however, I'd really like to just talk about the direction of the team, how communications, marketing and PR can support that direction and finally some of the new things that we can introduce." He looks slightly surprised but smiles at me. "That's a great idea Sloan, let's talk." And we do just talk. I walk him through the entire strategy and how it relates and supports the vision for the Pens this year. We discuss a few specifics and changes that I want to make which he responds to very favourably. At the end of our meeting, Ray says "before you got here Sloan, I knew that you had skill and Ron would never bring in someone because of nepotism. It's great to see that you are not only living up to expectations but surpassing them. You are definitely going to shake some of your team up and I personally believe that they need it." He stands and offers his hand. As we shake he says "please let me know how I can support you in any way. I'm also going to have my assistant put a meeting in our calendar for every week. This will let us touch base officially; but, please come to me any time you need anything." I thank him and walk him to the door.

As I walk back to my desk, I allow myself a little shimmy and dance I'm so excited that the meeting went so well. "So that's what you suits do up here while we're practicing." I turn around and see that it's Sid at the door. He's will Coach Granato and it was Granato who made the comment. I hide the incredible embarrassment I feel and instead say "coach, if you came up here more than you could partake in the dance." He and I both laugh but Sid just stands there. "What can I do for you Coach?" I gesture for them both to come in and we all sit down. It takes me a few minutes to focus as I stare at Sid. Damn, just being close to him makes me flash back to last night when those hands were all over my body and his lips taking mine. Damnit, I give my head a mental shake and pay attention to Granato as he talks. "So Sid and I have been involved with and sponsored the Little Penguins Program. It's a Learn to Play Hockey program and is funded through the Pens Foundation, Sid and a few sponsors. Boys and girls ages 4-8 enroll and are given head to toe equipment. They are run across the city and we've had over 3,200 participants since it began. I have been involved with the coaching side. I coach the coaches."

I nod as he speaks. When I did my research about the Pens I found out about the Little Penguins Program. It has grown exponentially since its inception. I wait and wonder why they've come to me. "Anyway, we're having some trouble fitting in the visits we usually do with some of the kids and our gruelling schedule in this shortened season seems to make it impossible. It's really important to Sid and all of the kids that they get to spend time with him and we're wondering if you have any ideas." I look at Sid and his face is unreadable. This is the face he uses with the press and I can see why it works so well. Not even by his eyes can I tell what he's thinking or feeling so I address Granato. "Coach, tell me a little bit of what this visit looks like. What do they do etc.?" He tells me that Sid helps coach them. He's right on the ice and teaches them very simple techniques for skating or shooting. I can actually see it in my mind and it's really cute. "Ok Coach, Sid" I guess I need to address him even if he looks like he'd rather be anywhere else but here. "Why don't we invite the kids to watch a practice here at Consol and then let them practice on the ice the pros just left? I bet that in itself would be really exciting. We let them practice for a while so that Sid can do the press thing or whatever else is needed after practice. Then you both can go out on the ice with the kids and spend some time with them. It should only cut into an hour of both of your time which I wouldn't think would impact too much. We'll make sure that it isn't a travel day. Thoughts?" Granato is smiling and talking a mile a minute now about how great my suggestion is; he's very excited. Sid still is stone faced. Oh well, I should hate that he's like this but, unfortunately, it just makes him hotter.

I walk them both to the door and say "I'll have someone on my team look at dates and coordinate with both of your schedules. We'll work with the foundation on this too." Coach thanks me and they both turn to leave. That little devil on my shoulder, or maybe in my panties, makes me say "Sid, since you're here, do you have a few minutes?" Granato heads away and Sid comes back inside my office. I shut the door, push him back against it and attack his lips. I've been staring at them for twenty minutes without tasting them and that's way too long. His hands grab my waist and I can tell that he's surprised and just trying to keep up. I work my lips down his jaw and to his neck. "I wish I didn't have a meeting in ten minutes. We could finish off where we started last night." I look into his eyes now and for a split second see confusion but then it's gone. "But I do have ten minutes" and I attack his lips again. Wow, I could definitely get to use to this and begin thinking of other uses for his lips.

* * *

I pushed it as far as I could trying to get out of going to see Sloan with Granato; but, it was about the Little Pens program and it is a pet project of mine. Also, I just get a kick out of being with the kids. They have so much fun learning the simple things. I was not prepared to see her doing a little dance and shaking her great ass as we walked in the door. Granato made a comment and Sloan turned around. She wasn't even embarrassed. How could someone be caught dancing in their office and not even be embarrassed? All through the conversation, I didn't say a word. Sloan occasionally looked at me and seemed waiting for me to jump in but I let Granato carry on our part of the conversation. I can't get what happened in that ally out of my mind so I don't know what might come out of my mouth if I open it up. Finally we're leaving and just as I think that I've got a safe get-a-way, Sloan asks me to stay for a moment.

I resist rolling my eyes. How can I stay in the same room with this woman when my only thought is to take her in my arms? She shuts the door and then I am unable to string together a cohesive thought. I'm backed against the door and Sloan's lips are firmly on mine. Through pure instinct, my hands come up to her waist and I hold her to me. The kiss is hot and fast just like last night. Her lips work their way down my jaw and to my neck when she says "I wish I didn't have a meeting in ten minutes. We could finish off where we started last night." Really, is that what she wants? I feel confused for a moment but manage to clear it so that I'm just looking straight into her eyes. She must like what she sees because she says "but I do have ten minutes" and attacks my lips again. Instinct takes over and my hands begin to roam over her body. I remember the garters from last night and I pull her skirt up. Finding her bare flesh again, I tease and massage the skin. She moans into my mouth and I feel it all the way down to my dick. A tiny thought forms in my brain that this isn't what I want from her; I want to get to know who she is, but I am only human. Her hands slide under my shirt and she rakes her nails over my back. Until they travel over my hips and to my waist. One of her hands cup me through my jeans and I grow harder. I nip at her bottom lip and she moans. It is the sexiest sound I've ever heard next to her laugh. Using my hands at her ass, I pull her closer to me and her hand moves to my back again. With her skirt at her waist, I'm able to lift one of her legs and grind against her core. We both groan now. It would be nothing now to strip off her panties and undo my jeans. I could be inside her in five seconds flat and my body pushes against her again. It's met with an answering thrust of her own. Oh God, this woman has me turned inside out. I hook my fingers in her panties and pull back to look into her eyes. She gives me smile, her dimple winks and she says "do it." I don't know what I would have done because there is a knock on the door; the door that we are currently leaning on.

"Sloan, are you ready for our meeting?" I think it's Katie or it could be Michelle. I look down and my erection is really obvious. Sloan looked down with me and moves a few feet from the door. "Give me a couple minutes Katie. Just finishing up a meeting." There is an answering 'ok' and then Sloan is on me again this time pushing her hand inside of my jeans. I don't know where I summoned the ability, and I'll later wonder why, but I push her away and whisper "are you kidding me? With her waiting just outside." Sloan says "fine. I have a washroom right over there if you'd like to 'collect' yourself?" I basically run into it, awkwardly, and close the door. I'd have thought almost being caught would have deflated me but it was more of a turn on. With nothing else that I can do, I give myself the fastest hand job ever. With that taken care of, and after splashing some water on my face, I look in the mirror and I think I look ok.

When I come out of the washroom, Sloan is look as perfect as ever and is sitting at her desk. She looks at me and a sly smile comes to her lips. After making her way over to me, she whispers "you know, I was more than willing to take care of that for you." What is it with this woman? I just shake my head and make my way to her door. After a deep breath, I walk out and see Katie waiting. We say 'hi' and she doesn't seem to know what was going on while she was waiting, for which I'm eternally grateful, so I walk toward the elevator and hear Sloan saying "I'm sorry you had to wait." I keep walking toward the elevator and look at my watch. I have just enough time to get ready before practice. I desperately need to work out this frustrated energy and some three on three is just the thing. Even if all I can think about is the one on one that almost happened a moment ago.


	7. Chapter 7

I walk into the conference room and it's filled with everyone on my team: on air talent, communications, marketing, PR, interns. Everyone is here as requested including Tom. I say a silent prayer that he'll behave. Looking around, I experience a brief flutter of nervousness. Good, if there isn't a little bit of nervousness than there would be something wrong. I stand in front of the group and quickly get everyone's attention. I notice that they have already eaten at the buffet I provided for them. Since it's our first team meeting, I wanted to do something a little extra for everyone and I knew that they wouldn't have eaten yet since most of them just finished filing stories and working with the players after practice. The players are now in pre-game mode and there is no media availability.

"Thank you all for coming today. I am also thankful for the time each of you took to talk with me over the past two days. While devising our strategy for the season, I wanted to be sure to know your point of view and hear your ideas. There are some things that we are doing very well and we can't lose those as we supplement in some additional, value-add components." From there, I dive right into the organizational strategy that is set at the most senior level, primarily Mario and dad working with Ray, and then I go down a level and discuss the vision and strategy for the communications team. "Communications encompasses public relations, marketing, media relations, all of the audio/visual/internet presence and community relations which include the charitable activities. This is very broad and is meant to be. We will take full advantage of everything available to us to make this team a success. Our clients are our players. We will do everything we can to make them happy." There's a chuckle in the room so I go with it "not happy. Let's just say up to that point." Every laughs a little easier now and I can't help but flash back to what happened, or almost happened, in my office a few hours ago. Guess I can't take my own advice.

"If the players are our clients then I'd like to explore what our relationship is with the media, the community, and the public including fans. The fans can be considered our clients too. Ultimately, they pay our salaries by coming in the doors, buying merchandise and watching the games on TV. We serve multiple masters so we need to be really good jugglers." I let my mixed metaphor sink in for a few moments and then continue. "Let's break out into three groups and talk about your assigned group, discuss what is our goal or what do we need to accomplish with this group? Determining three things that we are doing well and three things that we can change or add. Push the envelope people. Be creative, build on existing ideas and pull in new ones. There is nothing off the table at this point. I'm ok if it's a crazy idea as long as it will yield the results we need." I separate everyone into groups so that there is a mixture of background and experience in each then assign them players, media or fans. It takes a few minutes for people to get the ball rolling but they do and soon there are excited voices in the room, some arguing and even a group that clapped and cheered. I walk around and listen in to each group providing some guidance and even poking them to push themselves when needed. If we can't come up with our best here then I really need to evaluate the staff and I don't want to do that. I've never shied away from terminating staff that don't perform but I want to give this group every chance to shine first. They haven't had the kind of leadership that support and guide them and they need that before any decisions are even contemplated.

The rest of the meeting goes very, very well. They came up with some ideas for fan appreciation above and beyond what had already been decided. Sam and his team thought of doing quick-hit behind the scenes videos. They can be recorded and cut easily and posted quickly. They even named them 'snapshots.' Everyone loved the idea and the other ideas flowed from there. There was some debate and other ideas thrown around or out but it was really productive. Tom was quiet which I suppose is the best that I could hope for given how confrontational he's been up until now. We wrap up and, as I look around the room, I see a lot of flipchart paper posted on the walls and people are still talking. I've dismissed everyone and many are still here talking. That really speaks to the formation of this team. It's starting to come together.

Sam looks at his watch and says "SHIT!" which brings everyone's attention to him. "Guys, we have to go. The black and gold game is going to start in an hour." Everyone quickly grabs up their things, most thank me for a wonderful afternoon, then run out of the room. When they're all gone I send a quick message to the office manager to have the conference room kept exactly as is until tomorrow when I can gather up all of the work. I need to get to the game too. After leaving my computer and notes in my office, I grab my portfolio and phone and head down to the player's level.

First, I pop my head out into the arena. The place is packed. I got the message that it was standing room only but I had to see it for myself. I think everyone is a jersey of some kind. "It's incredible isn't it" I hear behind me and see Ray as he steps up. "Yeah, it really truly is; actually, it's more than incredible. Look at all of the kids too." I look at him and he's smiling like I'm sure I am. "It never gets old, does it Ray?" He looks at me and, if possible, his grin gets bigger. "Nope, never. Oh, how was your team meeting?" I notice that we're alone so I tell him. "It was great Ray. These guys are so talented. They need equal measures of support and a kick in the ass. When pushed, they raise the bar beyond what they even think that they can do." He nods and replies "but you knew, didn't you?" I look at him now and become serious. "Yeah Ray, I knew. You have great talent here. What you're lacking is the leadership? You know that Mario, Ron and I discussed Tom. One of the things I'm doing is assessing if he can do the job that you need him to do going forward. I can't make that assessment in three days." He looks like he's thinking for a moment and then he says "I can tell you after one practice and one game if a player is going to make it." I consider this and ask him "what are you looking for, at the heart of it, what do you need to see from that player?" He replies "heart and work ethic of course. Skill is another key but we need to see that he can be coached and then implement what he's learned." I smile and say "exactly. The difference is that I need to give Tom time to show that; more time than million dollar athletes deserve." Ray starts laughing, pats my arm and turns to leave. He turns back and looks quizzical. "You called your father 'Ron.'" I nod and say "yeah. Force of habit when I work in his organization." Ray nods and leaves.

I stay for a few minutes and take in the excitement and energy. This is truly incredible. With a sigh, I go back toward the locker room. I have work to do too. When I see Jennifer, I pull her aside. "Ok Jen, let's talk about our game plan after the game. Given everything we discussed this afternoon, how do you want to handle the media after the game?" Her eyes go really wide and I can tell that she feels overwhelmed. "Ok, let's start at the beginning. The guys go into the room and the coaches talk to them. We're outside with the press. What do you say to them?" She answers "we're changing a few things so I need to let them know. I also want to tell them that the changes are so that they all have a chance to talk to the players they want to speak with and get video of before we clear the room. I will give them a two question warning instead of one to give them extra time to jump in if they want." She looks at me now and I smile. She's got it. "Exactly Jen, that's sounds great. Now, where do you want me?" This time she looks very confused. Hmmm, guess the boss has never asked her that before. "Jenn, when the media is in the locker room then it's your room and you call the shots. All other times it belongs to the players and coaches; but, during the scrums, that is your room and you run it." This seems to give her confidence and she nods. "There are a lot of players this time since we're playing ourselves and that's a lot to juggle. If you could manage Sid's scrum then I can do the rest and manage the interns." I nod and she walks away. Is it a blessing or a curse that I'm managing Sid's scrum? I'm not sure but I decide to make the most of it. Tonight, if Sidney Crosby has anything left after the game, I'm going to finish what we started, twice.

* * *

The room is really light with a lot of joking. It's a game, sure, but it's not really a game. There aren't any points on the line or rankings in the standings. We still go through our same rituals and routines but there is less focus. I can feel it the minute she enters the room. I've become so in tune with her body that I can feel her when she's twenty feet away. I've got it bad. I look up and watch her walking toward me. Fuck, she's wearing another short skirt. Doesn't she own any pants? She's smiling and sits beside me in the empty stall. As she makes a move to touch my sticks; I react and say "no!" She pulls back startled. "Sorry Sloan, it's just that no one touches my sticks once they're taped up." She nods and tries not to look like I'm crazy. "Ok Sid, anyway, I'm running your scrum after the game so that Jennifer can focus on the whole room and the interns. I wanted to ask you about a couple of things. Do you want to answer questions about the concussion or do you want me to move them along?" I didn't know that she could do that and I guess I look skeptical. "I would do it softly, with a velvet glove even, but I would move them along." I chuckle knowing that she absolutely could do it and reply "no, it's ok. They're going to ask it the first few times I play and then it should go away." She nods and says "ok. We will also have a ten minute limit. Jennifer will let them know of the rule change before we let them in so they will be aware. Also, I'll give them a two question warning and then when those two questions are asked and answered then that's it. Please do not keep answering if they keep asking Sid. We need to gain more control of this room now or else it will be bedlam when the season starts and you guys need to have all the focus that we can support you with." I look at her and she seems really genuine. "Thanks Sloan. That will be great."

I expect that she's going to get up now but she crosses her legs instead and leans back. I watch her skirt slide slowly up as her legs cross. Fuck me. I travel my gaze over her body until it reaches her face. She's smiling and I know she's doing this on purpose. I feel my jock getting a little too small. She looks around and sees that there's no one within hearing of us but she still leans in to talk to me. It's no louder than a whisper when she asks "how much energy do you usually have after these games?" I don't get it. We usually all go home and eat, unwind and sleep. I don't need a lot of energy for that. "Um, it depends on how long I play." She rolls her eyes and says "Crosby, do you think that you'll have enough energy to finish what we've started, twice?" I still have no idea what she's talking about. When I look down and see her legs slowly rubbing together then it hits me, oh! I look back up at her face and she smiles so fucking sexy; then the dimple winks and I know my jock is too small. "I'll check back with you after the media scrum. You know, I will need a ride back to my hotel." With that, she winks at me, stands and walks away. I can't help but watch every step she takes. "Mon dieu" I hear beside me and know that it's Kris. "Yeah" is all I say. There's not much else to say.

One of the interns approaches me and in a voice that cracks says "they want me to mic you Mr. Crosby." I know I'm only twenty-five but looking at this kid, I feel forty. "Call me Sid" I tell him and get up so that they can rig the mic on me. I hate when they do this but at least it's our guys and I know they'll edit out anything that we wouldn't want getting out. No sooner am I mic'd up then Dan comes in and gives us the pre-game talk. We're ready to go and both 'teams' go out on the ice at the same time. We have a lot of guys from WBS up so that we can have two full teams to scrimmage. As we get closer to the ice all I can hear is screaming. Fans are blowing the roof off of the place. It was a really good idea to make it free and fill the place to the rafters.

The rest goes by as expected. Sutter has trouble with a play so we talk it out and he gets it right on his next shift. Kuni even got confused on a play. They've created a lot of new ones and it's going to take time for everyone to learn. I catch Sloan out of the corner of my eye and remember what she said to me in the locker room. It was just enough time and lack of focus for Orpik to plaster me into the boards. It hurt because I wasn't paying attention. At the next whistle, he approaches me and says "you ok Sid?" I nod and say "it wasn't your fault, I didn't see you." He laughs and skates off saying "that's kind of the point." I really need to focus on this damn game. We have penalties called that aren't really penalties but an opportunity for the power play and penalty kill to practice. We even get to a five on three opportunity to test that out too. Before we know it, we're into a shoot-out and Dan is using the WBS guys to give them a chance to score. My team lost, of course, but the win/lose wasn't the important part. The coaches got to see what's working and what we need to change. It's exactly what they needed to see and we got to play a game. Most importantly, the fans had a great time and when we saluted them at the end you could really feel their support for their team.

The mood is light in the locker room again. The guys who didn't play in Europe are definitely feeling their first full game. I know that I'm tired. Again, that makes me think of Sloan. Was she serious earlier? Dan chats a bit with us and then we hear Jennifer say "media's entering the locker room." Hmm, that's new. Usually I just look up and they are there. I like getting the notice. When I look up I see a bunch of the press guys following Sloan toward me. The guys are looking at her ass of course. She stops in front of me and turns around. "You guys know the rules. Don't make me get nasty with you; that means you Rossi." Everyone, including Rossi, laughs with her and then they are all focused on me. I get the expected concussion and 'how are you feeling' questions first. It quickly turns to the team, our chances, the changes and what we still need to work on. Sloan gives them their two question warning and then dismisses them after the two. When someone asks me another one, I'm about to answer but then I remember what Sloan told me and keep my mouth shut. Instead, I focus on taking off my gear and the guys roam away. Within fifteen minutes, the press is gone from the locker room and I didn't hear a single complaint.

As I take off my skates, I see Sloan talking to Jennifer in a corner. Jennifer looks serious and is nodding as Sloan talks then, all of a sudden, Jennifer has a bright smile on her face that is lighting up the room. You can just tell from the body language that Sloan has paid her a compliment and I see Jennifer mouth 'thank you.' When Jennifer leaves the room, Sloan surveys it and then walks over to me stopping directly in front of me. "How did the scrum work for you Sid?" That's not what I thought she was going to say so I play along. Maybe she was just kidding earlier. "It was good. The questions were starting to get monotonous anyway; asking the same question so that it's there voice asking it." She nods and smiles "yeah. Like they can't fix that in post anyway." I open my mouth to say something and Sloan shakes her head slightly then hands me a small piece of paper. "Ok, I'm glad it worked. We'll continue to refine it of course. I'll touch base with some of the regulars like Rossi and Yohe to see what they thought too. See you later." She offers me an impersonal smile and walks away. I'm distracted by her ass again. When she turns the corner, I remember that I have the piece of paper in my hand. I make sure that no one is watching me and I open it. 'You're still mic'd!' it says. Fuck, I forgot I still had the mic on from the game. 'If you still have reserves in the tank, meet me in my office in thirty minutes. My hotel is close by.' Holy shit, she was serious. I can't move. Seriously, I think I'm stuck to this very spot in indecision. It takes me maybe three minutes to decide. If the last two years have taught me anything, the concussion, neck problem and lock-out, it's to seize the moment and I know exactly what fucking moment I want to seize.

I am showered and dressed faster than ever before and I'm still one of the last ones to leave. As I head to the elevator for the offices, Tanger asks "where are you going Sid?" I have to think quickly so I yell over my shoulder "they need me to sign some stuff" and I keep walking. The guys can always tell when I'm lying so I don't want Kris to see my face. I can actually feel my palms sweating when I press the button up to the executive offices. Fuck, I hope Mario and Ray are gone. What would I say to them? When I get off the elevator, the offices are dark and it looks like everyone is gone. I make my way to Sloan's office and the door is open with a soft light glowing out. When I enter, she's sitting at her desk with a bottle of water. "I was going to give up on you in two minutes Crosby. As usual, your timing is impeccable." I say nothing and watch her get up and smooth down her skirt. She grabs her purse and jacket. When she gets to me, she hands me her jacket like a woman used to having a man help her. I hold it out and let my fingers skim the nape of her neck when I pull her hair out of the collar. I see her shiver. Hmmm, Sloan isn't as impervious as she wants everyone to believe.

We walk to the elevator close to each other but not touching. "Hey Sloan, I was just stopping by to see if you needed a ride home." It was Michelle. Before I can respond, Sloan says "thanks so much Michelle. Sid offered and we're going to debrief the new scrum process." She turns to me and says "it worked pretty well, right? Just a few tweaks needed." I'm silent for a moment until she narrows her eyes and then I look at Michelle and say "yeah. I think it's going to work well; with a few tweaks." We all ride down the elevator together but go our separate ways in the garage. "Really smooth Crosby" Sloan says to me. I look over and she's laughing which makes me laugh too. "Look" I whisper to her "I've never snuck around with the boss's daughter before." She raises an eyebrow at me and replies "I hope not. Aren't all of Mario's daughter's under age?" I just groan. Their like sisters, it's gross to think of them that way.

We get into my car, which is already running and warm, and then I take off. As much as I hate to do it, I drive by the fans without stopping. Getting a picture of Sloan in my car would not be good for either of us. She tells me her hotel and we get there very quickly. One of the valet's helps her out of the car but I don't move. She pops her head back in and says "seize the day Sid." How could she have possibly known that's exactly what I said to myself earlier? It's fate, it has to be so I jump out of the car, give my keys to the valet after grabbing my gym bag and follow Sloan into the hotel; all the while I'm staring at her fine, fine ass.


	8. Chapter 8

We don't talk or touch as we walk through lobby, wait for the elevator or ride up to her floor. She has to use the key card in the elevator and I notice that she's in the penthouse suite. I forget just how much money she comes from with Ron owning a conglomerate of businesses. When we enter the suite, I follow her into the living room and she veers off to a small kitchen to pull out a bottle of wine. She simply holds it up to me and arches an eyebrow. I nod, I think I may need the liquid courage even if I am in training, and watch her open and pour the wine. I notice the bottle and see that it's an excellent wine. I've learned quite a bit about wine from Mario since it's a passion of his.

She hands me the glass of wine and we both sip. I'm left wondering if I seem as awkward as I feel right now. What does one say to a girl you've known only three days and currently want to rip her clothes off of her? She takes off her jacket and my eyes follow every move she makes. I take another sip of wine as my throat is suddenly parched. I can't help but think that maybe this wasn't a good idea. Of course my dick is warring with that thought in my head. She's the bosses daughter, she's only here for the season and, oh yeah, she's the bosses daughter. If I'm really honest, I really don't want to make a fool of myself. When Talbo was on the team, he screwed everything in a skirt and I often played his wing man. Usually he left with the girl he wanted and I paid for the drinks and left alone. He usually thought I left with the friend and, since we never saw the girls again, I didn't tell him the truth. I'm not a virgin for Christ sake but I'm not nearly as experienced as Sloan probably thinks I am. The girls I've been with were not nearly as sexually assertive as Sloan is; usually I had to do some talking to get them into bed. I've never met anyone like Sloan who just put everything out there and dared you to take it. Looks like I'm taking her up on her dare.

I watch as she puts her glass of wine on the table and then walks toward me. She takes my glass and puts it on the table too. She's still in her heels so we're the same height. Her hands rest lightly on my chest and then slide up until they are on either side of my neck. "Have you decided if you're staying Sid?" I don't know that I've ever used the word vixen before but I'm sure it applies here and to her. 'Seize the day' flashes through my mind and I turn my brain off, grab her around the waist to I roughly pull her against me and take her moth with my own. I've never been this rough with a woman before but Sloan loves it and is encouraging me on. Her moans are sexy as hell. Instinct has never failed me in the past so I'm going with it now.

As our tongues dual, I pull her shirt out of her skirt and splay my hands over the bare skin of her back. She leans back to give me more room to pull her shirt over her head. Her breasts are almost spilling out of her bra. I usually prefer a girl with a more athlete build but for the life of me, I can't remember why right now. I run my fingers over each swells and then undo the front clasp. The bra pops open and her breasts spring free. They're perfect and I have to taste. I lean down and lick one nipple. She pushes her breast toward me and I take her full nipple into my mouth. Accidentally, my teeth scrape over it, she moans loudly and her hands tighten in my hair holding me there. She seemed to like it so much that I use my teeth again and she moans so deep and long that I feel all the way down to my dick. I move to her other breast and take the nipple into my mouth and use my teeth lightly over it. She moans that sexy sound again and I feel her hips shift slightly. I straighten up and take her mouth with mine. Her tongue immediate finds mine and the kiss gets hot, deep and rough immediately. I can't keep up with her. It's like sensory overload with just a kiss; of course there's nothing simple or 'just' about this kiss. I wonder if you can cum from a kiss alone and I bet this one could do it. There are tongues and lips and teeth everywhere. I would swear I tasted blood at one point when she bit down on my lip. I've never been so fucking hard as I am right now.

Her hands pull my shirt out of my waist and over my head. Her mouth finds mine again as her nails rack over my chest. For a brief moment I hope she doesn't leave any marks that I can't explain to the guys but then, fuck, I feel it down to my dick as I grow even harder and don't care. Her hands begin to work at my belt and zipper. She slips her hand over my shorts to stroke my erection. I'm already rock hard and don't need any more encouragement but she strokes slowly and seems to relish in the pain/pleasure that she's causing me. This girl knows exactly what she's doing and it's so hot. She pushes my pants and shorts down now and my dick pops out. She looks down and then back up to my eyes. She smiles so that sexy dimple flashes and then licks her lips. Oh my fucking God she's going to, yep, she drops to her knees and takes the shaft in her hand. Looking up at me she licks the tip once, twice, oh God, a third time. This gorgeous woman is kneeling in front of me in only a skirt and her heels giving me a blow job. Then I watch as my dick slowly disappears into her hot, wet mouth. I feel my dick hit the back of her throat and almost cum right there and then. She starts running her tongue over the entire length of me like I'm her personal lollypop. Then she uses her lips to suck at the tip before going back to licking again. I have never experienced anything like this before. Sure I've had blow jobs but this woman is doing things I've only heard of and definitely never experienced firsthand. She doesn't just bob her head. She is licking and sucking. Both of her hands get involved too. As she takes me deep into her mouth again, one of her hands reaches for my balls and that is all I can handle. Oh God, I'm going to "Sloan, stop, I'm going to ..." then I can't stop it and I cum into her mouth. I'm vaguely aware that she's licking up every last drop and cleans me dry. Fuck me.

I help her stand and, when she's directly in front of me I see her grin. She knows exactly what she did to me. Wanting to return the favour, I reach around her and lower the zipper of her skirt until it falls to pool around her feet. She kicks it aside and, wow, she's standing there now in black lace panties and garters holding up her stockings. My dick starts to stir again. I take a long look at her from head to toe. The mass of blond hair falling over her shoulders and just reaching the tips of her breasts. Her nipples are full erect too and begging for my lips. She has a tiny waist and full hips. Those legs, fuck, those legs go on forever and I can already see them wrapped around me. I don't know why but I'm suddenly incredibly intimidated by her. She is obviously experienced, much more than I am if you use the blow job as a barometer, and I'm worried that she's going to, I don't know, laugh or kick me out. As I continue to look at her, she lifts and eye brow and tilts her head. She's waiting for me to make a move now. Fuck it, might as well go for it. I've never had any complaints before. I pull her too me and cup her ass to lift her until she's straddling me. Kicking my pants and shorts free, I carry her toward the bedroom.

I've never been happier for both my balance and upper body strength. I manage to kiss her as I walk us to the bed. When I'm in front of it, I notices she's already had turn down service and it's a massive king bed. I put a knee on it and lower her to the bed following her until my body is covering hers. I slide to her side so that I'm not too heavy on her which also gives me more skin to look at and touch. This woman is incredible. She has full breast and a small waist. Her hips flare out which makes her much more curvy than the women I'm usually attracted too. I had no idea what I've been missing! I run my hand lightly from her throat, over her full breast, down her stomach and then inside her panties. As I slide my fingers between her legs I'm surprised to find her clean shaven down there. I've always wanted to be with a girl who was smooth but never had the guts to ask the few girlfriends I've had to do it.

* * *

What's he waiting for? I've asked myself that question a few times tonight. He has seemed to hesitate or have to talk himself into making a move. I don't get it. He's been a pro athlete for how long? How can he be so hesitant? When his fingers dip inside my panties I'm desperate for him to touch my core. When he doesn't, I push my hips up and force his fingers between my legs. He takes the hint and slips two fingers inside me and I moan. He may be slow but he picks up quickly and has very clever fingers when he does use them. He swirls them around the entrance and then slides them up to my clit. Oh, he does have clever, clever fingers. He pushes down on it first and hits it just right that my hips push up into his hand. I can't help the moan that escapes my lips. I reach up and pull his face down to mine. His eyes are dark and I can see the obvious desire there.

I take his bottom lip between my teeth and scrape it then I use my tongue to sooth. Sid slips his mouth down my jaw and to my neck. I'm surprised when I feel his teeth nip into the sensitive skin there. It looks like he does have a few surprises for me. He licks and kisses his way to my breasts and takes one nipple in his mouth as he starts rubbing at my clit again. I almost cum when he bites down on my nipple and pushes hard on my clit simultaneously. "Oh God!" I cry out and Sid moves to the other nipple and repeats the same action.

He continues to lick and nip down my body until he's between my legs. He pushes my knees far apart. I look down at him and he looks a little apprehensive. Oh oh, not exactly what a woman wants to see on the face of her lover as he's going down on her; apprehension. He takes a deep breath like he's about to try something he has to focus on then he dives in. I'm stunned by how good he is given how apprehensive he looked. He takes a long, slow lick of me and I shiver. Then his mouth settles on my clit and he flicks his tongue over it again and again. My hips shift on their own to bury his face in me. He pushes my legs even further apart and dives his tongue inside me while his fingers play at my clit. He's still rubbing like he's trying to rub it out. I reach down and touch his hand with mine. "Change speeds and direction" I tell him. He looks up at me slightly hurt, oh oh, did I damage his ego? But then he gets this look of concentration and purpose and he dives back in.

He assaults me inside with his tongue and my clit with his slippery fingers. He alters speed, direction and flicking then rubbing. I'm on sensory overload and can feel that I'm soaking his face. I'm gushing under his ministrations. My hips begin to rotate and thrust of their own accord. I can't control the sounds coming out of me or the movements of my body. Sid begins to move faster and I feel myself approach the fall and then tumble over. I'm over taken by my orgasm for more than a few moments.

When I can finally open my eyes, he's lying next to me on the bed. His hand is stroking up and down from my waist, over my hip and down my thigh than back up again. When I look into his eyes I swear I see more than lust and warning bells go off in my head. Shit, tell me he's not going to become attached, please God let this just be sex. My thoughts all fly out of my head when he leans down and kisses me. Not only does he have clever hands but he has clever, clever lips too. He leans into me and slides his leg between. I can feel that his once flaccid dick is getting hard again. Mmmm this is why Jeffery said to fuck a young athlete. The have great stamina in so very many ways.

I grab onto his shoulders and pull him even closer to me. I love the feeling of my nipples rubbing against his hard muscular chest. His lips travel over my jaw and to my neck where he licks and kisses. I turn my neck slightly and bite on his ear lobe; he groans in response and I feel his erection grow. I am still feeling my last orgasm pulsing inside of me and yet I'm hungry for even more. I reach down and grab his dick. I stroke it slowly as his lips find every erogenous zone I have above the waist. His lips and tongue duck into each sensitive spot like they're on a mission. I don't care because I'm definitely the beneficiary of that wonderful mouth. I feel his erection grow as I continue to stroke him and, on a particularly passionate kiss, he groans directly into my mouth. What a fucking turn on. I take his bottom lip and bite down. He groans again and I feel myself getting soaked all over again.

I push him back now so that I'm on top and straddling his stomach. Both of his hands push my hair back from either side of my face. He's getting that gooey look again so I lean down and take his lips with mine in a hot, searing kiss. I shimmy myself farther down until his erection is rubbing at my core. I can't wait to feeling him inside of me. God, I can actually feel myself getting him wet, both his stomach and now his dick; a combination of my last orgasm and getting ready for my next. I take his bottom lip in my mouth and scrap it through my teeth while rocking so that his dick teases my entrance. His eyes open wide and they are wild with desire. "Condom?" I ask him and he just looks at me blankly like I'm speaking another language. Seriously? I quickly slide off of him and go to the bathroom. I still have a couple from ... anyway, at least I have one.

I hop back on the bed and the on him. "Sorr" he starts but I crush my mouth to his again. I could kiss this man forever with his big juicy lips. I slide down him again and moan when his erection teases me. Tearing the wrapper, I pull out the condom and spread it over his huge erection but not before I give it a last lick. Sid's moan is deep and long. It's a shame to cover it but I do and then straddle him again. Lining myself up, I hold his base and guide him as I lower myself. I let out a deep, long moan myself as he completely fills me. I stay where I am for just a few moments to relish in the feeling and then I begin to move. At first I rotate and rock against him. His hands are on my waist and move to tweak my nipples; he does learn fast. This makes me go faster and Sid's started thrusting now too. I reach down to play with my clit as I feel myself getting close but Sid's hand pushes mine away. He licks his fingers and touches my clit himself. Just those small acts of him licking his fingers and then his wet touch on my clit have me going off. I didn't even have time to warn him but he's very close behind me. His hands hold my waist and keep me upright while he thrusts a few more times and then he cums too.


	9. Chapter 9

I wake up the next morning knowing that I'm not in my own bed but not where I am. This is a bi-product of the travelling I've always done as a hockey player. You wake up in a strange hotel and try to remember what city you're in. As I wake up some more, it all comes flooding back to me. I went with Sloan to her hotel room. The first round was beyond incredible. I didn't think it could get any better until I work up in the middle of the night to find Sloan under the covers sucking my dick. This girl was so fucking hot that I returned the favour not a few hours later. I stretch and feel unbelievably rested for having such a busy night. When I reach over for Sloan, not only is her side of the bed empty but it's cold too. There's a post it note on the pillow. 'Had to go in early, order whatever you want for breakfast.' That's it? It's not even signed; and a fucking post it note? I look at my watch and it's a couple minutes to 9am. No wonder I feel so well rested. She would have been gone for hours now. I lay back and contemplate the situation. I guess it was one night, one fucking incredible night, but one night nonetheless. I guess I could have worse nights. Too bad I can't brag to the guys. But, fuck it, a post it note on the pillow?! The phone goes off and scares the shit out of me. I pick it up without thinking. Shit, it could be Ron! Thankfully it's a wakeup call. At least she had the heart to do that for me so that I wouldn't be late for practice.

I get up and grab the gym bag I brought in with me last night then head for the shower. I have to pass the living room carnage. All of our clothes are still strewn across the floor and the full wine glasses are on the table. I grab all of our clothes, put hers on the chair and throw my suit on the bed. Taking my shaving kit, I go into the washroom. The shower is one of those steam showers that is totally sealed for the most steam. As I run my body under the spray, it feels so good and works out some of the kinks I either got from the game or the gymnastics with Sloan. As I lean my hands against the wall, I think back to how hot she looked in only her stockings and heels riding me the first time. I thought my dick was going to explode. I'm starting to get hard just thinking about it so I grab my dick and go with it. The best was when I woke up the first time. I thought that I was dreaming at first. I've never experienced anything like Sloan ever in my life. She brought me just close to cumming and then stopped. Her tongue and lips licked and kissed up my stomach and chest. She left a few bite marks across my chest until her mouth found mine and she sucked my tongue into her mouth. After biting my lip, she slid lower again and covered my dick with a condom. This time, she moved off of me and got on all fours. Holy shit, I've only done this once and I loved it. You can get incredibly deep fucking from behind. I reached down to make sure she was wet and my hand came away soaked. She grabbed it and licked each finger dry. Fuck me, did she want me to cum right then? I got behind her and positioned myself so that I could slam into her hard and fast. She cried out and rested down on her elbows which opened her pussy for me even more. Since she started moving with me, I kept up the hard and fast pace. It felt like I was just trying to keep up with her. I reached under to give her clit some attention and that pushed her over the edge. I needed only a few more thrusts and then I collapsed on top of her. I moan out now remembering and cumming. What a great way to start the day. Would have been better had I not woken up alone. Of course I wasn't alone; I had a post it note.

As I towel dry, I wonder why I keep coming back to that damn note. I'm not a girl for fucks sake. I didn't expect undying declarations of love after one night of sex. The girls I've been with definitely wanted to cuddle and talk after sex and stay long past when I wanted to get out of there. Hmmm, maybe that's the difference. I've been with girls and Sloan is definitely a woman. When I was doing my Google search on her, I saw her birthday and know that she's thirty which I still find so hard to believe. The girls I've been with were much, much younger and usually very eager to please but with no technique and definitely not even in the same ballpark as Sloan. The things that woman did to me and wanted me to do to her were … I don't think I even have the words. After our last round, neither one of us had the strength to move so she actually feel asleep in my arms. As I held her, I could see a softness that she doesn't let anyone see. She was heartbreakingly beautiful. I traced her cheeks, her lips her jaw and stared at her until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and fell asleep. Of course then I woke up to the post it!

I literally shake my head to get a grip. It was sex, it was the best sex of my life, but it was just sex. What I need to focus on is the game with the Flyers tomorrow. We have practice today at Consol and then we fly to Philly. Games there are always brutal and the whole team is stinging from the series last season in the playoffs. This game is redemption for us but then we go directly to New York to play the Rangers. I can't have my head all tied up with a girl, woman, while I try and redeem my own game for the horrifying last two seasons. After dressing in my warm up gear I had in my bag, I stuff my suit in the bag and, without much thought, I grab the post it note and put it in the bag too. As I make my way to the elevator, I check my phone and there's a text from my dad. He thought we looked good at the inter-squad game. There's nothing there from Sloan. I roll my eyes and give my head a shake again. I've really got to stop this and focus on preparing for the next game.

Valet had my car ready and I drive directly to the rink. There are no fans yet because I'm earlier than usual. It didn't make sense for me to go home only to leave five minutes later to drive back. I have a locker here with extra suits and stuff. I never know when they'll need something different for a photo shoot last minute and I never fit into anything they bring with them. As I head to the locker room, more than a few people notice that I've arrived earlier than usual. Dan greets me and as we both grab some breakfast he asks if I can join him in his office. We each take our oatmeal, mine loaded with fruit, and head down to his office. He shuts the door and we sit down at his table. "So what did you think of the game last night Sid?" I expected that this was what he wanted to talk about. "I think we're getting there. It's going to take some time with the new plays but Sutter and some of the new guys are catching on. We need to look at the power play after we try it out in a real game. That's hard to judge when it's inter-squad. The D know what we're going to do so we improvise and that doesn't tell you in the plays are working." He nods "yeah, I'm not yet convinced there either. We'll see against Philly tomorrow. We're considering giving Tangradi a shot with Geno's line. What do you think?" I consider his question while I eat. "Dan, I think he's earned it both in the work he did off season and then this week. It's really going to be can he gel with Geno and Nealer. Their winger will definitely need skill but they'll also need chemistry. We'll really only see it in a game." Dan nodded and said "we agree. Ray and I are going to talk to him this afternoon. He doesn't have a spot yet. He needs to continue proving himself."

There's a knock on the door and Dan yells "come on in." That's when my heart stops. Sloan comes through the door with Sam. I can see her lips move into a smile and then she's talking but I only hear buzzing in my ears. I'm snapped back when Dan slaps my shoulder and says "thanks Sid." I guess our talk is over so I get up and follow Sloan out the door. Sam is staying to talk to Dan about … I have no idea since I wasn't listening. We continue down the hall side by side and passing staff and a couple players. When we turn a corner, Sloan pulls me into an interview office. After she's slammed the door, she pulls me to her and attacks my mouth with hers. I recognize her taste now and it's still intoxicating. I don't realize that I've dropped my bowl as I pull her even closer to me. My fingers dig into her ass and I pull one of her legs up to encircle mine. Her skirt rides up and I can feel her bare skin at her hip. She pulls away and rests her forehead against mine. "God I wish I had more time for this but Ray is expecting me in his office soon. Oh fuck it, one more" and she dives into my lips again and her tongue makes fast work over mine. We're both gasping for air when we part again. Sloan pulls back further so that she can smooth down her skirt and tuck her shirt back into it. I didn't even realize that I'd pulled it out. "You are addictive Crosby; seriously addictive." I know that I'm just staring at her but she is captivating. Her rich, full lips are even fuller after playing with mine. I reach out and smooth down her hair where my hands messed it up then I can't help but pull her close again but for a slow, sweet kiss. Her lips feel very hesitant against mine now. It's not at all what I've come to expect from her. As I hold her lips to mine, I open my eyes and find her beautiful blue ones huge and staring into mine almost confused.

* * *

What is this kid doing? We're having a very hot, albeit quick, moment and he goes and ruins it. Didn't last night, or this morning, demonstrate to him that this is just sex? A generation ago they would have called it an affair. Now it's friends with benefits, although I guess we haven't known each other long enough to be friends. Maybe we're fuck buddies? I don't care as long as he gets it but he clearly doesn't as he gives me the most tender kiss I've ever experienced in my entire life. It's more intimate than anything we did last night and I can't take this right now. Suddenly his eyes pop open and are staring into mine as we continue to hold our lips together. An errant thought flies through my head tell me 'you will not fall in love.' What the fuck! I need to get out of here and now. I pull back from him and say "I really need to find Ray. We'll have to pick this up later." I wink at him trying to keep it super light, open the door then walk down the hall. It takes everything I have to walk slowly when I want to run like the wind.

Why didn't I wait to get to know him better so that I could see if he's clingy? I know why, I've been around the athletes in LA and they would, and do, fuck anything that fawns over them and is pretty. Between Sid's gooey eyes last night and that last kiss, I'm lamenting my seriously lack of self-control especially in the place where I work. Oh God, especially in the place my dad owns. As I boil everything down, I see two problems: Sidney Crosby seems to be becoming attached after we only had sex once, well one night because it was most definitely more than once; and, I am craving him to do it again and again. Why can't he be like Kobe or Antawn? Of course I've never had sex with them but if even half of the rumours are true than the guys on the Lakers then they have racked up the numbers. Maybe I can just put an end to it now and we can laugh about it in a few weeks. Ha ha ha, remember when we … oh, shouldn't remember because just the quick flashbacks are getting me wet.

Giving myself a mental shake, I turn the corner, put a smile on my face and walk into Ray's office. When I walk in, I notice that David Moorehouse, CEO/President of the Pens is in the office too; interesting. We make small talk for a few minutes as Ray closes his door and we all make ourselves comfortable in Ray's seating area. I cross my legs and see both men looking. Men are so predictable sometimes; do the really think that we don't notice? It's funny. "Sloan, I know that it's only been four, well today is five day's that you've been with us" Ray begins "but we've been very impressed. You are rallying your team and the ideas and work coming out of there is impressive." I thank him and, although I may be much younger than both men, I've been around long enough to know that there's a 'but' coming. Either there is something that they don't like, which I don't think is it, or there is something more that they want me to do. I'm betting on the latter. "We would like you to partner with another area of the organization on a little project." Yep, nailed it and I know the expected answer. "Of course Ray. How can I help?" Moorehouse goes on to explain about a series of half hour shows that Roots Sports wants to do on the team. It would be an expanded version of the popular Dan and Dan show. I nod like I know what they're talking about and make a mental note to go on You Tube first chance I get. "Sloan, as you know, David Peart's team works with our broadcasters but we think that this has cross over between sales and service and your team in communications. We'd like to take advantage of your experience in PR and marketing with this venture. David will be assigning a team lead that we would like you to mentor. This is someone who has grown up through the organization and played at WBS for five years before joining the office staff. We'd like to see how he does with this opportunity and would like you to guide him." I smile and nod mentally trying to shuffle everything else I'm going to be doing to fit this in; yikes.

I look between the two men and know that this isn't it. They have another bomb to drop on me. Technically, Moorehouse is my boss so I want to be accommodating. On the other hand, are they trying to kill me in the four to six months I'm going to be here? I continue to smile and wait them out. This time it's Ray who talks. "We have one more request." Yep, nailed it again. Can't I be wrong for a fucking second on anything besides Sid? Holy crap where did that come from? Ok, I really need to focus and get that man out of my head. "Sure Ray, what can I do?" He smiles and says "we have already seen a huge change in Sam, Michelle Jennifer, the whole team actually, since you got here. Their professionalism has risen, they seem to be taking the job more seriously and the work they are putting out is phenomenal. I know we never really discussed this but we'd like you to travel with the team just like Sam, Michelle and Jennifer do. We think that your presence will continue the progress that they're making, you'll continue to develop the relationships with the media, coaches and players." Oh my God, you mean I'd be traveling with Sidney; sleeping in the same hotels; seeing him in the locker room in various forms of dress and undress? I can't think of a single reason to tell either of these men that I shouldn't travel with the team that doesn't involve me explaining how I can't keep my hands, tongue and a myriad of other body parts off of their franchise player. Fuck! Double Fuck! "Of course Ray. You're right, it wasn't necessarily in the plans, but the work doesn't end because the team is on the road. Of course I'll travel with the team." Everyone is smiling, including me. We're all so happy with ourselves when inside I'm spinning. We all get up, I thank the two men and let them know I'll have to pop back to my hotel to pick up a few things since we leave for Philly in two hours.

I rush back to my office to pack up some of the work I'll need to do on the trip. I think about sending an intern to pick up some stuff for me but I don't know if housekeeping has been there yet. I don't need some intern spreading rumours about the boss's hotel room being a mess with empty condom wrappers. As I'm just about to head out the door, I'm stopped by an attractive man who is smiling widely at me. He approaches with his hand out and covers mine with both as I shake it. "Sloan, it's great to meet you. I'm Ian Jones. I work for David Peart in Sales and Service. Just spoke with David and he told me that we are going to be working very closely together." He hasn't let my hand go and I definitely don't like the way he lowered his voice when he said 'very closely together.' I pull my hand back from his and say "it's nice to meet you Ian. It sounds like a great project. Let's set some time up when I get back from Philly and New York. Please book some time in my calendar for Monday afternoon, maybe ninety minutes initially to talk through the proposal and the work you've done so far." He smiles what I'm sure he thinks is a charming smile and says "Sloan, it will be such a busy couple of days for you with the travel, how about we talk about it over dinner?" Oh God, I want to take a shower right now from the slime this man is putting out. "Ian, while I appreciate the offer, I prefer to meet during business hours. The afternoon will be best because the formal part of the day for the players will be over. Please review my calendar for a ninety minute slot when we can meet." With that, I smile, nod and then turn around and walk away as fast as possible. What a slime bucket? I just know he's watching my ass as I walk away.


	10. Chapter 10

No one was exaggerating when they said that the Flyers fans hate the Penguins. There is no doubt that the venom the fans are spewing has certain specific-ness about it aimed at the Pens and Sid in particular. There was a lot of taunting and booing every time he touched the puck. The pushing and shoving during and between play was intense. Before the game, I shadowed Michelle and Sam to see their routines and activities. They sit way up on the press level during the game and set themselves up long before the game begins to Tweet. Jen is there talking to the press and either fielding questions or answering requests. Everyone wants a one-on-one with Sid or Marc-Andre after the game. Apparently, Marc-Andre has been blamed a lot for last year's play-off loss and interviews with Sid are always in demand. Jen does a good job of saying no with a smile. The locker room is pretty much banned by anyone not essential to the game preparations right now. Players have their routines that must have strict adherence. My guys stay away completely and I made sure that I was out of the way but I needed to see this process. Everything that I can do to help me understand the game, the team and the environment will allow us to support the players.

The game itself was just rough. I've never been at ice level for a game and you can hear everything. The language and taunting by players and fans didn't faze me. I've heard worse on movie sets; but, it's the sound of the players hitting each other that was impactful. They bounce off of each other and the boards like they're ping pong balls. It's just brutal. In between periods is fascinating. First, the coaches rush to watch video. Apparently Tony Granato is in constant contact with Andy Saucier, the video coordinator, during the period. Both of them are looking for the small, and sometimes big, mistakes that the players make on both sides to see how the Pens can fix theirs and capitalize on the others. The players go to the locker room and have their rituals there too. The equipment staff is busy making small adjustments and wiping skate blades. Roots Sports is covering the game and they're interviewing Sid at the first intermission. I follow Jen to watch this part of her job; or so I tell myself.

Directly as the players are coming off the ice, she grabs Sid and steers him toward the interview site. An equipment staff member takes Sid's gloves and helmet. He leans his stick up against the wall and I remember what he told me before the black and gold game; no one touches his sticks once their taped. Jen hands Sid a towel to rub at some of the sweat on his head and face. I don't know why I'm surprised that he's absolutely soaked like all the players. He puts on his baseball cap and then is ready for the interview. It doesn't go live. TV has gone to commercial but we don't want the players to be inconvenienced by the interview so it's recorded as soon as they're off the ice and shown a few minutes later. Dan Potash asks Sid a couple of questions which are easy to answer because the Pens are up 2-0. Ninety seconds later, the interview is done and Sid grabs his stick and heads off to the locker room. He doesn't seem to even notice I'm there and I feel slightly, hell I don't know how I'm feeling but it's definitely weird. I chat with Jen for a few seconds and then she goes to talk to the Roots guys to coordinate the next intermission interview. I over hear that if Paul Martin keeps playing the way he did in the first than they'd like to interview him. Apparently he was another one, like Marc-Andre, who got the brunt of the blame for the playoff loss last season.

I wander back to the locker room and pass Dan, Tony and Todd reviewing video and deciding what to talk to the guys about. The equipment staff is rushing about, every one of the clearly on a mission and the players are in various states of dress and undress with every one of them chugging something down. Most are drinking Gatorade and some water. A few have their own concoction in a bottle. I can't help but watch Sid. He's one of the few guys who stay in complete uniform except that he's missing one skate. Dan passes me and the room goes silent; any guy who was standing or not in the room quickly finds their place to listen. Tony and Todd stop beside me. Before Dan begins, I whisper to Todd "should I go?" and he shakes his head. I don't understand half of what Dan is saying. There are "F3"s and "F2"s and a few other terms that pass right by me. Overall, he's pleased with their play and only has a few adjustments to make. Most of the conversation is focused on defensive play and taking advantage of Flyer mistakes. Toward the end of Dan's talk, guys start putting equipment and jersey's back on. I move off to the side and use my phone to scroll through the twitter feed of Sam and Michelle. During the game they give a play by play of key moments and during intermission they are making some astute and witty comments about the players and the game. They've been retweeting some fan comments too although there's one that I don't think I would have retweeted and I'll need to chat with them about later.

The rest of the game goes by quickly until the horn sounds and that's when my team goes into over drive. Michelle and Sam have to rush down from the media level to the locker room so that they can capture video of player interviews for our website. Jen is already corralling the media and, without my prompting, she is telling the reporters about our new interview policy. She has Philly reporters there who wouldn't know. Good for her and I make a mental note to give her that feedback later. Michelle and Sam get down just in time for the doors to open. Right before they do, Jen asks me "Sloan, would you please manage Sid's scrum?" I nod to her. I like that she is asserting herself more, even with me. She's taking it seriously now that this is her room while the media are in there and she's running the show. I don't like that I'm always being assigned Sid. If I were her then I would do the same damn thing but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. I've managed to avoid Sid since yesterday morning. It wasn't too hard since the players seem to go their own way on the road and the staff their own way. I haven't figured out if I should leave it as a one night thing or maybe we can carry it over the season. Of course I'd have to make sure that he doesn't become attached.

When it's time, I ask the reporters interviewing Sid to follow me. As we all walk toward him, my eyes lock with his immediately. He has his 'interview face' on and I can't read a damn thing in his eyes but they continue to bore holes into mine. I break contact first having to move to the side to let the cameras set up first. A reporter throws a question to Sid who simply looks to me. It seems that he's catching on to the new rules too. "Please wait until the cameras are set up before asking any questions" I tell everyone. Once I see everyone is ready then I say "first question" and let Sid manage it from there. The interviews themselves are informal in that every player decides who they'll take a question from and how they'll answer it. From previous video I've watched, these questions seem typical of what you'd expect in Philly. Of course a few of them refer back to the play offs and Sid handles them perfectly. He's really quite good at this and I suspect part of it is natural and part of it is the superb media training that he received from his agent's team. Pat is known for his media boot camps for new players.

I keep close look at my watch and call "two more questions" when we near the end of the interview time. After the last two, a Philly reporter calls out another one and Sid looks at me. He's definitely caught on. "That's it, thank you all. We need to get to our plane." Everyone knows what I'm saying is absurd because it's a charter flight and it lifts off when we're ready but it's the gentlest way to get them to move along and they all go with it. I smile down at Sid and turn to find Jen. Sid grabs my wrist before I can walk away so I turn to him carefully putting my own 'company smile' on. He just chuckles and shakes his head. "What did you think of the game?" he asks me. I say the first thing that comes to my mind "it's a lot louder when you're at ice level." James Neal, who has the place next to Sid, laughs along with Sid. "It definitely is" Sid replies and I walk away this time. Damn, I should have probably said how well they both played and I would have if I hadn't been so damn preoccupied with Sid's wet hair curling over his forehead and his muscles clearly seen through the shirt he wears under his gear. I need to remember that they're clients even if I have seen one of them naked. As I pass Marc-Andre, I pause and say "vous avez joué très bien." He looks up at me surprised and replies "merci et votre français est très bon." I just smile back at him. I don't often use French but I thought he might appreciate it especially after a stressful, must-win game for him.

Jen is finishing up with the last reporter and when she's finished I call her over. "Jen, really, really well done. You had command of the room and you remembered to tell the new reporters about our policy. Most importantly, you saw that you needed help and you told me where you needed me. It's your room and you're using it the way you should. After New York, I'd like to hear your recommendations to further improve the way we handle the media. We've pulled the leash because we had to but now we need to give a little. They need more time with our guys than they're getting. Let's come up with a solution before they tell us that there's a problem. I want to be as proactive as possible with this relationship. Ok?" She's wide-eyed at me but nods. It really makes me pissed about the leadership, or lack of leadership, these guys had before I got here. Speaking of which, I go in search of Tom and find him talking to one of his cameramen.

When he's finished, I approach Tom with a smile on his face. Of course after seeing me, he frowns and rolls his eyes. Is he a fucking two year old? Seriously! "Hi Tom, did you get some good footage of the first game? Great win over Philly huh?" He answers me with a simple "yes." Ok, I could scream right now but I keep the smile. "That's great. I'd like to see a rough cut of the first episode. When will you be ready to show me?" He snaps back "when it's done then you'll see it." I notice out of the corner of my eye that a couple of players have heard Tom raise his voice. I lean in so that no one can hear me. With a clear smile on my face, I whisper "stop talking right this second and follow me now!" I've had enough of his shit and now that he's done it in public I can't let give him any more space to come around. I find an office and wait for Tom to follow me in before I shut the door. I turn to Tom and his face is red and he opens his mouth to speak. I beat him to it. "You really don't want to talk right now Tom. I have allowed you to be disrespectful and downright belligerent because I'm sensitive to the situation. This is the last time you will ever be disrespectful to me. I've had enough." I pause for a moment because I can feel myself getting very angry and I want to speak while in control. Tom takes this opportunity to jump right in himself. "What about the complete and utter disrespect you show me every day. I'm the fucking VP of Communications!" He takes a step toward me so that he's right in front of my face. At this point I'm up against the wall and have nowhere to go. I'm in heels but he still towers over me. He's leaning in so that I can feel the heat of his body radiating at my own. I feel the first bead of sweat roll down my back and my heart beat getting faster. No, this can't be happening now! "I don't care if they gave you a fancy title because of your daddy but this is my team and you are not going to change that no matter what you think." Tom's face is now white with anger and I have his spittle on my face he's so close. I can feel the shaking about to start. I need to end this conversation. The walls are starting to close in on me and, damn it, I have started shaking. "Tom, this is unproductive and disrespectful. When we are back in Pittsburgh, you and I are going to talk about this calmly and discuss how we are going to work together. Now, you want to leave this room right away before you go too much farther over the line." I continue to stare at him. I can feel my nails digging into my palms now and I purse my lips to keep them from quivering. Tom looks like he's considering what he's going to do and then he turns and leaves the room slamming the door behind him.

I finally let go and a sob leaves my mouth. I slide down the wall until I'm hugging my knees and willing the shaking to stop. Resting my forehead on my knees I try to take deep breaths but I know that I'm beginning to hyperventilate. I try all the techniques I've been taught but I can't stop it now that it's started. My whole body shakes and I can't catch my breath. I feel like I'm dying. When the flashbacks start, I cry out loud, I can't stop it. "Sloan, baby?" I barely hear my name and don't register that someone is in the room. When I feel the hand on my arm I look up terrified and scramble away.

* * *

A few of us heard Tom raise his voice to Sloan and then watched the two of them walk off. Sloan had a smile on her face so everyone went back to packing up their gear. It was clear to me that her smile didn't reach her eyes. That was the business smile that she uses to hide how she really feels. Tom is in a world of trouble if he underestimates her. I grab a quick shower and dress. With the new media rules, I actually have some time before getting to the bus. Usually I'm running onto it just as it's supposed to leave. Walking down the hall to see if I can find some water, I see Tom storm out of an office and catch a glimpse of Sloan before the door slams. Looking at my watch, I realize that we have twenty minutes before the bus is going to leave. Hmmm, what kind of trouble can Sloan and I get into in twenty minutes? There's no one around so I slip into the room rather than knocking. I don't want anyone to see me.

When I get inside and see Sloan, I freeze. She's on the floor hugging her knees to her body. She is shaking all over and I can tell that she's hyperventilating and sobbing at the same time. I stoop down beside her and say "Sloan, baby?" It's like she doesn't hear me so I touch her arm. Her head whips up and her eyes are wild as them meet mine. She pushes away from me saying "no, please no!" I don't know what to do. What did Tom do to her? What should I do to help her? I'm careful not to touch her again and I stay low in front of her. "Sloan, it's me, Sidney. Come on baby, it's Sidney." I see the moment that she finally realizes that it's me. She looks around the room like it's the first time that she's seen it. Comprehension comes to her slowly about where we are and then she tries to stand but can't. I get up and offer her my hand to help her up careful not to touch her but wait to see if she places her hand in mine. Her wet eyes look up at me and then to my hand like she's unsure what to do. Finally, she places her hand in mine and I help her stand. She doesn't let go of my hand so I take that as a good sign. Her breath catches every time she takes one like it does when you've hyperventilated. I decide to press my luck and I pull her into my arms. She resists me but not in a way like she's scared so I continue to pull her in until she is flush against me and encircle my arms around her.

I run my hand up and down her back trying to sooth. I keep my hold light and try my best to comfort although I don't know what I'm comforting her for. What did Tom do to her and how many times can I kill him for it? Getting his ass fired could never be enough. When her breath evens out and she has completely stopped shaking, she pushes away from me until she's out of my arms. I feel disappointed although I couldn't say why. She won't look at me so I tilt her chin up with one finger. Her eyes are red but they no longer hold tears. I don't want to upset her again but I have to ask. "What did Tom do to you?" I ask softly. She shakes her head and says "it wasn't him, no really Sidney, he didn't do anything" she continues when she sees me about to protest. "I mean he was an ass and he'll be lucky if I don't fire him but he didn't do anything really." I can see that it's the truth so I have to ask "so what happened?" She turns away from me and grabs her purse from the floor. I watch her take out a compact and fix her make-up. When she's done, she turns back to me and most people wouldn't know she'd been a mess not five minutes before. "Sid, I appreciate what you did for me" and she gestures to where we were just in each other's arms. "But I didn't ask you to come in here and I really don't want to talk about it. I am very appreciative of your help but I'm fine, really. Let's just forget it happened, ok?" She gives me her 'company' smile then moves by me and is out the door.

I'm still too stunned to move. Something happened and she won't tell me. This was not a girl who was upset about a situation or something someone said to her. Sloan was genuinely terrified when she looked up at me. I can't even describe it to myself and I was here. It was like she was in her own nightmare and unaware of anything or anyone until I touched her arm. That's when she went wild and scared. Fuck, it was much more than scared; she was petrified, terrified. I've never seen anyone that scared in my entire life. "Sid?" I hear my name and shake out of the fog that I've been enveloped in. "Yeah, in here." It's Dana and he pokes his head in the room to say "you coming?" I smile and tell him I'll be right along. Taking one last look around, I leave the room and follow Dana down the hall. Looking at my watch I see that I'm just on time. At least it's the first game of the season so no one thinks it's strange. I see that Sloan is on the bus and talking with Sam like nothing happened just ten minutes ago. I don't understand this woman. My heart aches for whatever happened to her that caused whatever happened in that room. I also wonder what I'm going to do now that I've slipped a little more in love with her.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Author's Note: wow, thank you so much for the comments. I love hearing what you think about the story. Enjoy ...**_

* * *

The woman is deliberately trying to stay away from me and she's doing a fucking good job of it too. On the plane ride to New York, Sloan and Jennifer stayed with the press so I couldn't talk to her then. At the hotel I completely lost sight of her. I got her cell number from Sam but she wasn't answering my messages, voice or text, so I know that she's ignoring me. I roll over and the clock says that it's 3am. Great, now I have a sleepless night because of her. Part of me is really worried about her. That complete breakdown can't be normal or healthy and then the complete change not ten minutes after she was sobbing in my arms isn't normal or healthy either. I'm really worried about her. Of course the more I think about her, the more my dick responds and just enough to make me uncomfortable. I debate taking care of my hard on and hoping that puts me to sleep when I hear a faint knock on my door. I'm not even really sure that I heard anything it was so faint. As I'm convincing myself that I didn't hear anything, there it is again.

I get up and forget that I'm only in my shorts until I reach the door. I look through the peep hole and it's Sloan! I open all the latches and then the door. Before I can say anything, her arms are around me and her lips are on mine. She takes my lips in big, hungry gulps and I'm just trying to keep up with her. I try to push her away – wow, I must be crazy – to try and talk to her but her hand has reached inside my shorts and begins to stroke me. I may be crazy but I'm not stupid so I go with it. I push away her hand and pick her up in my arms. Her legs go around me and we continue to kiss as I carry her to the bed. We tumble onto it and reverse positions so that she's on top of me. We continue to kiss and I wrap her hair around one of my hands while the other pulls her core even closer to my erection. She doesn't need any more encouragement and begins to grind against me. I sit up, taking her with me, and pull her sweatshirt over her head. I only find lots of skin underneath. I take one of her nipples in my mouth and she cries out when I nip at it so I repeat the move on the other one. Her nails dig into my shoulders and I groan releasing her nipple. She throws her head back and I attack her neck with my lips and tongue. She tastes so good and I love the small mews she makes as I continue to kiss and lick. Her moan when I dig my teeth lightly into her shoulder makes me rock hard.

I pull back from her and flip her on her back. I pull off her shoes and her yoga pants groaning when I see that she's not wearing any panties. I can't help myself, I spread her legs wide and take a long lick of her. She has already started getting wet. I flick at her clit over and over with my tongue and she lets out a loud, long moan that only encourages me. I move between flicking and sucking that she liked before and I'm rewarded by another moan. Fuck this woman is so hot. Taking two fingers, I slowly slide them inside of her while I look up and watch her face. She's biting her lip now and getting flush. I begin to thrust them in and out and she reaches down to take my hand in hers. What the fuck? I've never had complaints before and this is the second time she's done this to me. She pushes my fingers in as far as they'll go and then tilts her hips. She absolutely comes apart in my hand as my fingers push up. I can feel a difference in this spot … oh, I get it now. I pull my fingers out and she whimpers until I slam them in again and find that same spot pushing hard on it. I repeat this two more times and she screams with the orgasm that shakes through her entire body. Sweat has broken out all over her and she's shuddering. Wow, ok, maybe I did need that little bit of coaching but I think I can take it from here.

She starts to come down from her high but I don't let her come down all the way. I dive back in and play with her clit again with my tongue and lips. It's so huge that I can actually suck it. Her hips begin to move slightly under my mouth. When she pushes them up, she soaks my face but I keep licking. She's moaning again and I know that she's flying up again. I keep going until I know that she's close. I hate to do it, but I have to move away to the table at the foot of the bed for my wallet. I made sure to put some condoms in there after last time. I strip off my shorts and turn to the bed. She's kneeling on it now, naked and looking freshly fucked. I've never understood that phrase until right this moment. She gives me 'that' smile and her dimple winks. That's probably the moment that I know I'm lost to her. I join her on the bed throwing the condoms on a pillow. We kneel together in the middle of the bed kissing with hands moving everywhere. She pushes me on my back and straddles me. I can feel her wetness where she's straddling on my stomach. Fuck, she's still soaked. He hands run over my chest following each muscle followed closely by her mouth and then they move over my stomach and again followed closely by her mouth.

She's had to slide back and we both moan when her wet core slides over my dick but she doesn't stop. She takes my shaft in hand and looks up at me while taking a long lick up one side and then down the other. Oh fuck, I could cum right now. When she takes me fully in her mouth, I almost do. Watching her lick and suck my dick is driving me crazy. Her eyes never leave mine as she continues. I can feel that I'm close but I don't want to cum this way; I need to be buried deep inside of her. She must sense it and she sits up then leans over to get a condom. I watch her every move as she takes it out of the package, places it over my dick and then slowly lowers it over me. How I've managed not to cum at least twelve times by now I have no idea. I can't help but close my eyes and groan as she lowers over me. She's so hot and wet. I would swear that her walls are clamping on me already. She starts slowly by rocking and rotating her hips. I wait until she's found a rhythm she likes before I start thrusting with her. I can feel myself getting closer but I know she's not quite there yet. Remembering last time, I reach for her clit and rub it a couple times which puts her up and over. I feel her walls clamp down hard on me now so I let go riding my own orgasm.

Sloan collapses on top of me and we lay that way both trying to catch our breath. She tries to shift but I wrap my arms around her and hold her exactly where she is on top of me. I realize that, expect for the moaning and her screaming, we haven't actually said a word to each other. My heart wants to say something but where do I start. Do I ignore what happened in Philly? Do I curl her to my side so that we can sleep? Do I beg her to let me help with whatever was tearing at her soul? When I first met her, I thought that she was out of my league because I have no game with girls. Now I wonder if I'm completely out of my depth in every way with this woman and desperately wish that I wasn't. How do you fall in love in a week? I know nothing about her, really, but I know how I feel. God, I sound like a girl! I can just picture Talbo telling me to grow a pair if he knew. The decision is out of my hands because she pulls herself out of my arms and moves to the side of the bed. I watch her stand and look for her clothes. What is she doing? She's putting on her sweat shirt, yoga pants and shoes. Without even looking back at me, she walks out my door.

I have no idea what to do. I may actually be paralyzed wondering what to do. Fuck this, so I run to the door, forgetting that I'm buck naked, and whip the door open. Thankfully, there are no strangers out in the hall to see me. Unfortunately, there's no Sloan either. As I go back into my room I can't help but feel confused. This woman is so complicated that she's driving me insane. Of course I've never been so intrigued in and captivated by a woman in my entire life. I flop down on my bed and fall asleep almost instantly. Guess I know the cure for insomnia.

The next morning, I leave my room and am heading down the hall for breakfast when I hear "Sid, wait up." I turn around and it's Duper so I wait for him at the elevator. I look at him and he has a huge grin on his face. Confused, I ask "what's that for?" He just keeps grinning like an idiot. Paulie joins us and he's looking at me weird too. What the fuck? "Ok, someone fill me in on the joke." I look between them and it's Pascal who finally asks "who did you meet last night?" Now I've really confused. "What are you talking about?" I ask. They both look at each other and then start laughing; great. "Seriously guys, what the fuck?" Now it's Paulie who answers "you do realize that I'm on one side of you and Duper's on the other, right?" It takes me a few minutes but I get that they mean their rooms are adjacent to mine. "Ok, so what?" Now they're really laughing. Fuck. "Seriously, Sid, it woke me up at 3 in the fucking am. If you need to fuck, can you at least find a quiet girl?" Oh shit! Seriously, oh shit! I look around and no one else is there. We get in the elevator and thankfully no one is in it. "Ok, guys, sorry about the noise but please, I swear please, do not tell anyone, ok?" They're still laughing but then Duper catches on that I'm serious. "I know that guys break the rules all the time about girls, but please don't let anyone know, ok?" They both nod but Duper asks "you can at least tell us who she was." I just shake my head. They wouldn't believe me even if I did.

* * *

How stupid can I be? Really, I think I'm reaching an all-time low, or maybe it's high, on the stupid-meter. Not only do I completely fall apart in front of Sid, a client, but then I had sex with him again. The nightmares came back. I guess it was predictable after the episode yesterday but when I woke up it was almost 3am and I was scared. I didn't know what to do and, instinctively I guess, I went to Sid's room. With my position, I have all of the travel details and know how to find every player or coach at all times on the road. After I knocked on his door I just froze. I didn't know what to do them so I went with instinct again and threw myself at him. If I couldn't get rid of the cold in my soul myself then maybe I could burn it out with him. While it satisfied one itch, it didn't help with the other and I slept only a couple hours before I woke violently again. Finally, I gave up and got ready for the day.

As the players trickle in for breakfast, I've just finished up my morning meeting with the team. Tom wasn't at it. I suggested that he work with his production team to determine when they'll have footage for me and we'll connect at work on Monday. At this point, I'm afraid that I'll say something I'll regret or quite possibly smack him if I have to talk to him again. Once the fear went away, I was left with mad and I get vicious when I'm mad. I thought some distance was a good idea; if I'm going to fire him then I need some perspective first and to do it calmly. My phone buzzes and I see that Ian has sent me yet another email about working together. What an ass! Looks like I'll have to slap him around too. Wow, I better get myself out of this mood before I talk to any of the players or media. Thankfully, my meeting was with Michelle, Sam and Jennifer. They are always up and in a positive mood. Unfortunately, now that the meeting is over and they are each off to take care of things, I'm left stewing again.

"I join you?" I hear and look up, wow, way up, to see Evgeni Malkin standing beside me with his breakfast. I gesture to a seat. Once he's seated, I say "that was a great game yesterday." He shrugs and says "we win, that always good." I'm wondering why he sat down when he doesn't seem to want to talk. He eats half his food, inhales is probably a better description, and then drinks his orange juice. I'm captivated by the process. He catches me staring at him and says "hungry." I chuckle, so does he, and then he gets serious. "Sloan, my parents come from Russia at end of season every year. They are already getting interview questions." It takes me a few minutes but I catch on. "They are already receiving requests to be interviewed?" I ask him. He nods and replies "they only speak Russian and don't like interviews." I wonder for a moment why his agent doesn't take care of this but I'm here to help. "Let me know who is bothering them and I can take care of it Evgeni. Or can I call you Geno like everyone else does." He smiles at me now and I can see the Russian charm come through. "Geno good. Thanks." He's finished the last of his breakfast now so he wanders away. I can't help but chuckle. After making a note to ask Jennifer about the Malkins, I gather up my things to leave. "Can I join you?" I don't have to look up to see who that voice is because I would know it anywhere.

When I do look up, I see very intense green eyes staring back at me. I briefly consider running away like the coward that I am but something in his eyes makes me say a soft "sure." He sits down and I quickly take in who is sitting around us and thankfully no one is; or maybe it would be better if someone was so that we wouldn't really have to talk. I open my portfolio up again to make it look like we're talking business but I know there will be nothing business about this conversation. He starts eating his oatmeal and I sit there fidgeting. He takes a drink of his orange juice and asks "do you want to talk about what happened?" I decide to play it flippant and say, with a sly smile, "if you don't know what happened last night Sid then maybe we aren't doing it right." He doesn't smile back but simply stares at me with that damn patient look so I go back to his original question. "No Sid, I don't want to talk about it. I'm here to do a job and in a few months I'll be gone. We seem to have a crazy sexual connection and I'd enjoy continuing to explore that; but, if you want more, then I'm not your woman Sid. What happened in that office yesterday will never, ever happen again. It's just sex Sid." I know that I don't believe it even as the words pass through my lips but I won't give this kid hopes of happily ever after with me. He's so young and inexperienced that, had I known before, I would have never touched him. It's too late now so he has to make a decision.

He still sits there like a vigilant and patient puppy only now his eyes are disappointed and sad. "Do you think so little of yourself or me?" he asks. Ok, wow, didn't expect that from him. I briefly wonder why this kid is always surprising me. "Sid" I pause as a few players walk by our table. "Sid, it has nothing to do with what I think of you or me. It's a fact. You need to decide if that's enough for you." I don't know why but I'm sad now. I've given this speech before, a few times actually, and men are always fine with keeping it casual. Why is this kid any different? Is it his age? Has he really been that sheltered that he doesn't realize adults have these kinds of relationships? He continued eating his oatmeal while I gave my little speech and then he simply asks "is that enough for you?" Why doesn't he get it? Why am I so confused? I'm never confused about this, never; at least not since … "Sloan, are you sure that's enough for you?" Now I can only stare into those beautiful green eyes and wonder. I was so sure of everything until five minutes ago and now I'm not sure of much. There is one thing I absolutely know with all of my being. "If you're looking for more Sid, I don't have it to give." Now I gather my things up and put on the company smile. "Have a great practice" I tell him and head out the door quickly.


	12. Chapter 12

Madison Square Garden is a labyrinth. I'm lost, yup, definitely lost. I heard that the New York sports media are brutal and I want to be downstairs in case any try to beat up on Jennifer. She has a new found confidence that I don't want damaged in any way. Once she's had it for a little while then she'll have to learn how to deal but right now, I want to help shield her as much as possible. We usually stay away from the team when they first get to the arenas because the press are setting up on their level and beginning their blogs etc. But New York reporters don't give a shit what we want and always try to find a way into the locker room before the game. Of course I'm used to LA reporters, more commonly known as paparazzi, and the reporters in NYC aren't going to faze me one little bit. What is pissing me off is walking and walking and feeling like I'm going in circles. Damn it, how does anyone find anything in this arena? It's like the built it in little pieces and you need a compass and a map to find your way.

Finally, I see a Penguin's logo. I've never been so glad to see that logo in my life. I turn down a few more halls and see equipment, I pass the skate sharpening room, and I must be getting closer. I push open a door that must be the locker room and all I see are half naked men, oops and a few completely naked ones; shit it's the change room and not the locker room. "Oh God, sorry guys, they really should label these doors." I turn and leave as quickly as I walked in absolutely mortified by the cat calls and requests to come back that follow me out. There was even a French comment and me having to show them 'mine' now. When the door closes, I turn and there is a damn sign that says change room. Ok, I'm an idiot. I wish I had done it on purpose because then I would have tried to take a good look. I turn the corner quickly and lean against the wall covering my face with my hands. This is not the way to impress clients that you are still getting to know.

"Walk into the change room by mistake?" I nod. "Was it really a mistake?" Now I move my hands and respond "Dan, yes it was a mistake! Don't you think I would have stayed a little longer and taken a good look if it wasn't?" We both stare at each other and then start laughing uncontrollably. Still laughing, I say "I don't know that I've ever been so embarrassed." Dan puts his hand on my arm and says "it's not the first time that it's happened and it won't be the last." Hopeful, I look at him and say "do you think they're going to forget about it?" Now Dan laughs again "oh no. You are in for chirping the whole season about this now. I suspect a nickname or two might surface as well." He keeps chuckling as he walks away. I was supposed to keep the press out and instead I got myself in; oh boy. I see Dana and he's trying not to laugh. "Go right ahead Dana. I have a feeling that I'll be the butt of this joke for quite a while now." He smiles but manages to suppress the rest. "Would you please point me to the locker room so that I don't mistakenly walk into the Ranger's change room next?" He just points and I head that way. His laughter follows me.

I do find the locker room and sure enough there is a guy with press credentials around his neck. I approach him and ask "may I help you?" in my most haughty voice. He looks up at me and says "any time sweetheart with anything." Great, just great. "Allow me to rephrase that for clarity. What are you doing here?" He continues to look me up and down and I definitely put a scalding shower on my list of 'to dos' to get rid of his slime. "I'm the press sweetheart, I'm here to interview Sidney Crosby. He's expecting me." Oh this gets better and better. "Well, Mr. Crosby is not doing any interviews before the game. There will be a scrum after the game and you will be able to participate and ask him questions at that time." He actually pats me on the arm now and says "sweetheart, Sid and I go way back. He'll talk to me. Just go tell him that I'm here." Ok, I've had enough of this ass. "Well, sweetheart" I begin "Mr. Crosby doesn't not have any press scheduled before the game. I would know because all press approvals need to go through me. I'm going to give you three seconds to take you hand off of me and then ten seconds to vacate this part of the arena. If you do those two things in the time I've allotted you then maybe, maybe, I'll let you in for the media scrum after the game." His mouth flops open like a fish and when he realizes that he is still touching me, he pulls his hand away like it was just burned. I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow at him. He immediately turns and scurries away like the rat he is.

"Are you ok?" I turn and see Sid. He's dressed in his warm up gear he wears before the game. He looks really concerned. "I only heard some of that. Do you want me to call security?" I see one of the equipment guys walk by and look at us strange. I put the company smile on my face and pull Sid into the nearest room. Looks like it's a medical room and the doctors don't get here until closer to game time. When I turn to look at Sid, I almost melt under his concerned green eyes. "I'm fine, really. The New York press are usually all bark and no bite." He shrugs and turns towards the door. Now I feel like the ass. "Thanks though; I appreciate it even though jumping into a press issue probably isn't such a good thing for you to do. I'm supposed to step in front of the press for you, remember?" I give him a smile which he slowly returns. The silence turns to awkward and we both say "look I" and then stop and laugh which cuts some of the tension. I put my hand up for him to wait. "Sid, I owe you an apology for this morning. Not for what I said because I was just being honest with you; but, I was pretty rude about it and definitely shouldn't have had that conversation where someone could have heard us. I'm really sorry." He stares at me now. I feel like I'm being studied or dissected; not in a creepy way but in that really intense way that he has. Then his face relaxes and he says "I was going to tell you that I'm in. You want to keep this as just sex then I'm in." I'm stunned. From our conversation this morning, I assumed that this was over but now it looks like Sid wants in. Why do I feel a little disappointed? "Great then; we'll need to keep it quiet from everyone though. I can't be gossiped about, well nor can you, and neither one of us would want this to get to my dad." He nods and then says "speaking of quiet, we'll need to meet in your room from now on when we're on the road. Both Paulie and Duper wanted to know who I had in my room last night. Apparently 'she' was very loud and woke them up." Oh God, this has to be a record; full embarrassment twice in one day. "Ok, we'll need to work on that." He puts his hand around to the back on my neck and pulls me to him. After a long, hot kiss, he stays close and says "no. I like the screaming. We need to work on our location." Then he turns around and is out the door. Well good, I guess.

* * *

So, step one is taken care of; she thinks that I'm into her 'just sex' plan. The more I thought about her plan, the more I knew that I had to go with it. If I didn't, then I would only have interaction with her around everyone else. It's not like we could 'date' even if she wanted to so this was the only plan. Of course I also get the most amazing sex out of it so I'm not exactly suffering in this deal. I need to get to know her better. I need to understand her and I need her to get to know and understand me. We have six months to get to know each other and I know I can break through that hard exterior. It's just going to take some time. I'm whistling as I head to warm up. After I get on the treadmill, Nealer comes in and gets on the one next to me. He doesn't talk to me; all the guys know to leave me alone when I'm warming up. Only during soccer will I talk to the other guys before I get my uniform on. It helps me stay focused and visualize the game before we play it. The trick really helped me after we lost the cup in 2008. When we started playing the next year it was like I lost some of my confidence but the team shrink helped with some techniques. It's been great ever since. I use it before every game now as a way of focusing and preparing.

When I'm done, I nod at Nealer and head out the door. I complete my stretches in the small gym they have set up with mats for the visiting team. I hate MSG. The facilities for the visiting team are for shit. I flow through the rest of game prep easily enough and get dressed to wait for Dan to do the pregame meeting. When Dan comes in the room, everyone takes their seat and pays complete attention to the coach. He gives us a last overview of our plan to attack the Rangers. They've added Nash as a sharp shooter and, after an incredible season last year, the Rangers are one of the teams to beat. Tonight we do just that, beat them. We win handily 6-3 with Geno getting three assists and Nealer getting two goals. I get an assist but don't quite play the way I want. Usually it takes me a couple weeks to get into the rhythm and get my timing. After only playing limited games in the past two years, I might be rustier than I anticipated. The problem is that I don't have the luxury of a couple of weeks in a shortened season to get going. I need to find my game and fast.

After the game, we do the press scrum and Sloan is my PR rep again. She manages the media well including the asshole who gave her trouble before the game. As she leads the media away from me, I wait until she's out of earshot and then call over the asshole. He puts his recorder up to my face immediately and I say "turn it off." He looks at me weird but does turn it off. I lean in so that no one else can hear me and say "if you ever bother one of the Pen's staff like that again, I'll make sure that I give an exclusive to all of your competitors every time I'm in in town and have you banned from our locker room." I take a beat to see recognition come into his eyes so that he knows I'm not kidding and then I go back to my seat and begin to undress. Sloan doesn't need to know anything happened but I won't let her be treated like that ever again.

Thankfully, with the new media process, we get out of MSG even earlier than anticipated and we catch a break on traffic too. We're in the air in no time and the trainers are doling out ice packs to anyone who needs them. I just need food and eat dinner very quickly. Many of the guys have turned off lights and gone to sleep. Some are watching movies or TV. The coaches are watching video of the game and preparing for practice tomorrow. We have our home opener in three days and there's a lot we still need to work on. Our defense, while better than last year, needs to tighten up and the power play still sucks wind compared to what we can and should do. I briefly consider going to the back of the plane to where Sloan is to talk to her but I never leave the players area except to talk to a coach. It would really be obvious if I did so now, so I stay where I am. I guess I do fall asleep because I wake up when Flower nudges me. "We're home Sid." I look out the window and there are the lights of Pittsburgh. "How's Vero feeling?" I ask Marc about his pregnant wife. Marc just grins that huge, tooth filled grin and replies "loving it now that she's stopped puking constantly." It's great to see him happy and I'm happy for both of them. There's already a pool on when she'll have the kid and how big it will be.

Before we land, one of the flight crew hands me an envelope. I open it and it's my media schedule for the next week. Flower looks over my shoulder and says "shit, they've got you busy already" and then he turns back to the window. I notice that there's a post it note attached to the schedule. Another fucking post it, is this woman serious? I'm mollified when I see the simple question "Tonight?" Of course I know who it's from and what my answer will be. I pray for the plane to land faster. When we deplane, our cars are waiting for us and I take my time putting my stuff in the car to see if I can catch Sloan. She might need a lift to her hotel. Anyone paying attention would buy that, right? Damn, I see her getting into Michelle's car but not before she looks directly at me and arches an eyebrow. Yep, I know exactly what that note means. I take my time driving to her hotel to be sure that Michelle is gone before I get there. I put my car in the parking lot rather than valet. Who knows if the valet guys here are fans? Luckily no one recognizes me as I walk through the lobby but then I remember that she's on a key card floor. Shit, what am I going to do now? Before I can figure it out, I can smell her perfume and know that she's behind me so I go directly to the elevator.

A few people get in with us so we stand apart. Sloan's used her key card to press the button for her floor and I stay where I am. We stop a couple of times for people to get off until we are finally alone. I turn to her at the same time she turns to me. We are quickly wrapped in each other's arms and almost miss getting off the elevator. Laughing like we're kids, we slip out and walk to her suite. When we enter, she turns on a couple of lights that make the room glow rather than cast a harsh light. She turns to me and bites her lip looking indecisive. This is new. "What?" I ask her. She ponders a moment and then asks "do you mind if I unpack? It will drive me crazy to leave everything in there. It will only take me a few moments, I promise." She looks at me like I'm crazy when I start laughing. Finally, I slow down and say "I'm exactly the same way. As soon as I'm home, I need to unpack and then I do whatever." "Thanks" she replies and heads to her bedroom. Pausing, she turns around and says "there's some wine in the fridge if you want some. There's water too if you don't want a drink. I'll just be a minute."

While she's in the bedroom, I take off my jacket and tie then head to the kitchenette. I grab a bottle of water for myself and pour her a glass of wine. I'm not opposed to drinking during the season but I try not to after a game. I need to hydrate and alcohol does the opposite. As I'm making myself comfortable on the sofa, she comes out of the bedroom. She's changed into yoga pants and a sweatshirt, a Pen's one this time, with bare feet. She takes the glass of wine I hand her and then a sip. She stands there for a moment so I put my arm on the back of the sofa and she slides in next to me. This feels right, after a game, sitting her on a sofa with Sloan in my arms. Sloan says "at least the years in LA prepared me for the crazy hours that you guys keep. Only with my clients, it's parties and premiers that are at night rather than games." It's funny, I keep forgetting that this is only a part time thing for her and she has a whole life in LA that I know nothing about. "What's it like, working for movie stars?" She chuckles and replies "very much the same as athletes and then very different too. With celebrities, there is a vanity that usually hides insecurities. With athletes, there is a cockiness that hides fear." Fear? That's interesting. "What do you mean when you say 'fear'?" She thinks about my question and then says "for most players, there's the fear that they won't be good enough to stay in the NHL. For some, if they have a bad game then they can get sent down to WBS." She's not wrong but "do you think it's fear for guys like me too?" Now she's quiet for a longer time so I say "Sloan?" She takes a sip of her wine and finally says "yeah, I do. Only for you, what drives you is the last year or two. You must have gone through hell with your injury or really injuries. Then, when you're in the best shape of your life, the lockout happens. The fear for you is losing hockey again." Wow, she's totally right.

Before I can say anything, she puts her glass down and straddles my lap. Slowly she undoes the buttons on my shirt. "I can think of much more interesting things to do than talk about athletes versus celebrities. Don't you have other ideas Sid?" Thinking that I may have pressed my luck tonight with the non-sex activities, I go with it. Sliding my hands up her thighs and to her waist, I bring her closer to me so that I can take her lips with mine. Within seconds, the kiss is heated like we're being ignited. I slide my hands up under her sweatshirt to feel the warm flesh underneath. Quickly, I strip it off of her so that I can taste that flesh too. Her nipples are right there for me so I take one in my mouth and lap at it with my tongue. I love the soft sounds she makes. I take a bite the way she loves and her soft sound becomes a loud moan. Both sounds are so fucking sexy I can feel myself harden. She strips off my shirt and now we're flesh to flesh. I take her lips again and love the feeling of her breasts against my chest. I can feel her hard nipples too. Her hands dive into my hair and I splay my hands across her back. Our tongues dual and play. I could go on forever kissing her; ok, maybe not forever with the way she's started grinding against me.

I've had enough of the sofa so I slip my hands under her ass and stand with her legs wrapped around me. I need to watch where I'm going so I have to break the kiss. She immediately starts kissing, licking and nipping at my neck and shoulder. "Be careful" I tell her. "It was an interesting discussion when Tanger noticed your nail marks on my shoulders today." She pulls back and looks at me startled then we both start laughing. "What did you say?" she asks me. I sit down on the bed with her still in my arms and reply "I ignored him and hoped for a change of subject. That didn't happen but Duper helped by deflecting the conversation." She chuckles and says "I'll have to be more careful I guess." I take her bottom lip and scrape my teeth over it. "Not too careful I hope." She flashes me one of her killer smiles with that gorgeous dimple and I'm lost again. I flip our positions so that she's now lying on the bed with my body covering hers. I slide my hand down her side, over her waist and pull her yoga pants down. Again, I find no underwear and groan moving my hand between her legs. I move beside her so that I have better access with my hand. Pushing her legs apart, I slip a finger between her folds and feel how hot she is and she's already started getting wet for me too. She moans when I slide that wet finger up and play with her clit. This woman is so incredibly responsive and expressive. The women I've been with have always been embarrassed to make any noise. Sloan seems to have no inhibitions.

She pushes me back now and undoes my belt and pants then pushes them down with my shorts. When we're both naked, I cover her body again with mine and begin kissing her again. Her hands are sliding up and down my back. Her legs have parted so that my dick is in line with her but I know she's not ready yet and I'm not nearly done with her. She tries to reverse our positions but I hold her underneath me. Taking both of her wrists in one of my hands, I hold them over her head. That gives me better access to her body and I use my free hand to touch every inch that I can reach. She tries to wiggle free but I won't let her. My free hand slips between her legs and I'd swear she's started whimpering. I work my lips as far down her body as I can go while still holding her wrists over her head. I'm rock hard between the sounds she's making and the way her body is grinding against my own. It's about all I can take so I slip my free hand between her legs and see that she's soaked now. She moans and says "drawer, there's condoms in the drawer." Moving quickly, I grab one and glove up. When I settle back between her legs, I push insider her with one quick stroke. She cries out and I groan; she's so hot and slippery. I pump again only this time her hips thrust with me. We find what is becoming a familiar rhythm. She's moving with me, every thrust, every pump, every time. We are almost moaning in unison until we both find our quick release. Our heartbeats begin to slow and sleep takes over us both. It has been a very long two days. One of us, I can't remember who, pulls the covers up and we drift off into sleep. My last thoughts are that we won the game and I won the girl, at least for tonight, and if feel fucking great.


	13. Chapter 13

I wake up at my usual 6am even though I only got to sleep a few hours ago. The glow of the light from the living room spills into bedroom. I look over and see Sidney sleeping beside me. He's on his stomach and his face is toward me. Relaxed in sleep, he takes on a more relaxed and less intense look. He's 'boyishly handsome' now; almost sweet. I lean over and brush the hair from his brow. Actually, he's beautiful, truly beautiful. Tracing his brow, cheek, chin, I take the opportunity to observe him while he's asleep. I'm so glad that he agreed to our arrangement. It was going to be a very long season without a, well, a diversion; if you can't get that diversion in a very nice package too then all the better.

He looks even younger sleeping. I looked it up and he's twenty five. I thought he was younger although he has been playing for the Pens for seven years so I should have known I guess. I stretch and feel all the aches in my body. A few are from the lack of rest this past week and a few are from our antics last night. He's really stepped up. He's learning my body and me his. While the first and second time with a new lover are exciting because of the unknown and unexpected, the third and fourth time get even better because you start knowing each other's body. I was happy that he didn't take offense when I gave him a little 'direction.' I was thrilled when he remembered the next time. I feel my body involuntarily shiver as I think back over how his hands played over my body. Yep, it's going to be a great season.

I slip out of bed to take a shower. I have to prepare for my meeting with Tom today and I'll need to touch base with Ray first. I may want to fire Tom and, although I know I have David Moorehouse, Mario and dad's approval to do what I think needs to be done, I'll need to get Ray on side too. It's the right thing to do and I have a lot of respect for him. I also need to connect with the Foundation about the Little Penguins; I'll ask Sam to take care of that today. Coach Granato and Sid are really invested in supporting these kids and want to make sure that we fit that in even with the shortened season. Oh crap, I can't forget about the Malkins. Geno's parents should not have to deal with media crap half way around the world. I know his dad played hockey and knows what it's like but he still shouldn't have to be bothered by North American media.

I quickly get ready and take a last look at Sid before I leave. I'll set up a wakeup call for him down in the lobby. Shit, I guess I should leave him a note too. Looking around, I see a hotel note pad and dash off a quick one then leave it on the pillow. Sid sleeps like the dead. Once he's asleep, he doesn't seem to wake up unless I wake him up of course. As tempting as that is this morning, I really have to get going so I turn away from him regretfully and head off to the office.

As usual, when I get there it is dead quiet. So far I'm always the first person here. It gives me a lot of time to do some thinking and planning. Today, that is focused on Tom. I dash off an email to Ray asking to see him when he comes in. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet about Tom. I think most of it is going to be determined by Tom's demeanor and response to our discussion. It might also depend on whether I kill him or not! I plan on using the desk for our meeting rather than my seating area. It's time to assert my authority rather than be collaborative. Time for nice and sensitive is over. I might give someone more time in normal business situations but in an accelerated season we don't have that luxury and Tom has gone too far over the line this time. I've never had a man, in a professional situation, get angry like that and try to physically intimidate me. Since I've never had that experience, I had no idea that I would react like that and that it would be so immediate or debilitating. At least I'll be prepared this time and we'll be in my office rather than a small room where he can threaten me.

I put that aside and go through emails. There's a few that I set flag for review and respond to from the team. Sam has his first 'behind the scenes' quick video he wants me to review and Michelle has an idea for the game previews. I love that they are feeling the creative freedom and are making lots of suggestions. It shows that they just needed some encouragement. I hear the knock and look up to see Ray at my door. "Is this a good time Sloan?" I smile and stand "of course Ray, please come in." I shut the door behind him and we both sit down. "So, how was your first road trip?" he asks me. "Quick" I tell him "and successful. We won both games so I guess we're all happy." He chuckles and replies "yes, very happy. I hear you had an issue with a reporter?" Does this man hear everything? I guess so. "Nothing I couldn't deal with; NYC reporters are 'interesting'." I tell him.

"Anyway, Ray, I'm having a meeting with Tom today and I guess you could say this is the last one before we have a decision to make." I fill him in on Tom's behaviour in more detail than the last time Ray and I spoke. I tell him everything because he needs to have the full picture; well, almost everything. I leave out my reaction of course. "Ray, I know that a certain amount of yelling and raising voices can happen in hockey teams. I saw Tortorella last night which is a perfect example; but, I won't accept it from office staff or aimed at me or someone from my team." Ray raises a hand to ask me to stop. I pause and wait for what he's going to say next. "Sloan, we don't allow that kind of coaching or behaviour here. That's not the way Dan runs the team, it's not what the players would accept and it's not what we should allow anywhere. I am in complete agreement with you on the seriousness of Tom's behaviour. Personally, I wouldn't give him this last chance that you are; however, I won't tell you how to run you're department." I smile at him and reply "I appreciate that Ray and we are aligned in our thinking, except for giving Tom another chance. I've been here a week, only a little more than that since he was told I was coming in, so I want to be patient. The problem that we all have is we're in a shortened season, there is way too much to do and too little time to do it for us to be patient for too long. Tom and I are having a 'come to Jesus meeting' and he's going to find religion or he's out on his ass. I have no problem making that decision." Ray nods and stands. When he offers me his hand, I take it and he holds it for a moment. "Good. Please know that you have my complete support. Oh, and if that day is today, then your first call is to security so that we can escort him from the building and your second call is to me." I nod my agreement and Ray leaves.

Feeling resigned to the task I'll have shortly, I go back to my desk to review my email. Shit, Ian has sent me a meeting request for today. The last thing I want to deal with is that clown but I guess it's necessary. At least it's within business hours this time although it is at 4pm. He's probably hoping to extend the meeting into dinner or drinks. Ian can keep dreaming. I've had enough of these alpha males who need to pee everywhere to mark their territory. I thought Hollywood was bad but professional sport is so much worse. I'm so glad that Sid isn't like that; wow, where did that thought come from. I guess if I'm honest with myself, I know that he's never far from my thoughts. Of course I'm surrounded by him everywhere I go in this building so it would be hard to forget him. I catch myself daydreaming when there's a knock at my door. When I look up, I see Tom looking as defiant as ever. Ok, looks like this may be the day. "Tom, please come in and shut the door behind you."

* * *

I wake up alone again to a wakeup call. This is becoming a very bad habit. I wake up to an empty and cold bed with a note on the pillow. At least it's not a fucking post it this time and it's signed "S". I have a bag with me since we just got in from the road trip but I don't bother with a shower, I'll do it after practice. I throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt, grab a bottle of orange juice from the fridge and head down to the lobby. There are a lot of people milling about which is actually better than if it was sparse. With more people, I can blend in rather than people have nothing to look at and noticing me. I manage to get to my car unnoticed but it does make me wonder if we should use my house sometimes too so that I'm not always leaving the hotel. I've never had this kind of 'arrangement' before so I have no idea how to handle this kind of situation.

At least the hotel is close to the rink so it takes me no time to get there. I change into warm ups and notice a sign on the locker room door when I go in to get my hat. "Meeting at 10am in the locker room." Hmm, it's not unheard of to see a notice for a meeting but it isn't all that common either. We've been winning our games so I have no idea what it's about. "Sid" I turn when I hear Ray call my name. "Hi Ray" I answer. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" I nod and follow him into a trainer's room. He shuts the door and turns to me. "Sid, I'm sorry for not giving you prior notice about the meeting. Things have happened pretty fast this morning." I just nod. There's no obligation for him to give me notice or a heads up about meetings but he usually does. As captain, I'm more involved than most players with what goes on behind the scenes. "This morning, we had to let Tom go. While I won't go into details with the rest of the team, I'll let you know that he hasn't been performing the way we need him to and I think you saw some of that during your injury last year." I nod again. Ray knows that I wasn't happy with Tom last year during my concussion. "Sloan was brought in for a lot of reasons but one of those has been to evaluate the staff. Tom has not responded the way we needed him to and we can't have anything disrupting the season. Anyway, we'll be as circumspect as we can with the team but I wanted you to know at least some of the details." We chat a bit more and then both leave.

I want to run up to the offices and see if Sloan is ok. Although Ray didn't say it, I know she would have been the one to fire Tom. She would have considered it her responsibility and would never put that on anyone else. I look at the clock and don't have time to do it. Fuck. At least I'll see her after practice during the media scrum. When I make my way into the locker room, there are a lot of players talking and wondering about the meeting. When Ray comes in the room, we all sit down and watch as the coaches come in after him. The doors are closed which makes players look at each other. Ray does it quickly and with not a lot of detail. He uses a lot of the same language we all use about personnel changes; fit, culture blah, blah, blah. We all know that Tom wasn't 'the' guy anymore and that Sloan pretty much made him obsolete even if she is only staying for the season. Damn, just thinking that makes my heart ache a little. She's not staying beyond this season. I keep forgetting that fact.

The rest of the morning goes by quickly. Practice was good and we focused a lot on our power play. It has to get better; the penalty kill too. After practice, I'm not the last person on the ice which is odd for me. I can't wait to see Sloan and make sure that she's ok. When I get to my stall, I'm very disappointed when I see Jennifer bring the press to me. Fuck, where is Sloan? I get the press done and look around but she's not here. This is the first time since she started that Sloan hasn't been in the room when the press is here. Something has to be wrong. For the next two hours, I try to break away but there are work outs and then a meeting to review some video. Finally I'm able to have a shower. Most of the guys are gone when I come out so I head directly up to the offices. Thankfully, I do have to go up there to pick up some information. Of course I told Sam that I'd come up here rather than him meeting me downstairs but he seemed fine with it.

I move toward the executive wing to find Sloan when I hear my name. I turn around and see Sam wave me over to his cubicle. I walk over to him and we chat for a bit about the last two games and the game opener on Wednesday. He gives me a folder on the Little Penguins work we'll be doing. Looks like Sloan didn't waste any time after Granato and I went to see her. Of course coach had to drag me there because I was avoiding Sloan then. Wow, what a difference four days can make. Sam has to leave for a meeting and excuses himself. I'm happy because I can finally go find Sloan. I say hi to a few people as I pass them in the hall. Finally, I get to Sloan's office and thankfully no one is around. I slip in but she's not there. Shit. I move to her desk and her computer is here. So is her phone, a cup of coffee and her iPad. She can't be far so I sit on her sofa and wait. I really need to make sure that she's ok. All I can see in my head is her on the floor in that office in Philly. I really need to make sure that she's ok.

I'm about to go find her when she comes in the door. As soon as she sees me, she smiles hugely, then looks behind her and shuts the door. "You can't be coming up here Sid without us having an actual reason." Her smile is gone. I get up and walk to her. She tries to move past me but I grab her arms and keep her in front of me. Searching her face, I look for signs that she's distressed or has been crying. She looks fine, a little annoyed but otherwise fine. "Are you ok?" I ask her. She looks confused for a moment but then seems to get it. "Yeah, Sid, I'm fine. I've been meeting with the lawyers to finalize his settlement. Tom had to go. It became obvious that he doesn't have the skill or ability to change the way we need him to and he crossed way over the line the other day. Without contrition, or grovelling, there was no way he could stay." She pats my arm and walks back to her desk. The impersonal, all-business Sloan is back. I'm beginning to wonder more and more what's behind that mask of hers. "Seriously Sid, if you want to ask or talk, try text or the phone. People will talk if you are up here more than usual. Neither of us can have that, ok?" I know she's right about the gossip so I nod and turn towards the door. "Thank you" I hear her say softly. When I turn, she looks slightly embarrassed but doesn't say anything else. I nod and head out the door. Inspired, as I head to the elevator, I text her 'what are you doing tonight?' In a few moments, I get a text back simply saying 'you' which makes me chuckle. Thinking about this morning, I send another one saying 'my place this time, don't want hotel staff talking.' This time it takes longer for her to respond. Did I go too far or push too much to go to my place? I'm never good at these things and have never done this, specifically, ever. She makes me wait but texts back '9pm, send me the address.' I can't help but whistle as I take the elevator down. It's going to be another great night. Shit! I need to go home and clean.

As I drive, I realize that I'm never going to be able to clean the house and do everything else I need to do so I call the service I use and request an emergency cleaning. I don't even know if there is such a thing but I need it and its last minute which makes it an emergency to me. I'm sure I'll pay for it but the place is a mess since they haven't been in since the season started. With that taken care of, I stop at the grocery store and pick up some food. There isn't much in the fridge except Gatorade, water, wine and fruit. That's all I really eat at home. I think I have yogurt too but it may have expired. Since I got to the rink every day, I have breakfast and sometimes lunch there too and then I go out for dinner or bring in. It takes me a while to figure out what to get so I stick with the basics. She'll probably have eaten but I pick up some eggs and stuff for omelettes just in case. I can't really cook anything but eggs but I'm not going to let her cook her own meal in my kitchen if she's hungry.

When I get home, the cleaners are there and the house is already looking better. It wasn't dirty, I don't spend that much time here, but I can be untidy and leave stuff where I use it. There are three of them so they finish quickly. When they're done, I head up to my bedroom; need to change the sheets and I forgot to ask the cleaners to do it before they left. After that chore is done, I head into the bathroom and put out fresh towels too. Ok, anything else I need to do? Oh, yeah, I get condoms out of the cabinet and put them in the bedside table. We'll definitely need those. My phone goes off and it's TK asking I want to grab some dinner with him and Nealer. I have to eat so I agree. Before I leave the house, I take a look around the bedroom and see if there's anything else I need to do. Candles seem like too much so I just leave a light on and then head downstairs. Guess that's it, I'm done, so I head out for dinner. I can't wait for tonight. I keep replying over and over in my head her soft "thank you" as I left her office. Maybe I'm starting to get through.


	14. Chapter 14

Ian was as obnoxious as I feared. He pretty much slithered into my office and I'm sure he thinks he's one of God's gifts to women. The fact is his tan and super white teeth just looked tacky. Thankfully, he wasn't as stupid as he looked and is actually on top of the work with Roots. Basically, they want to do their own behind the scenes thing. They started filming it in the summer but it never aired because of the lockout. Now they want to start airing them but continue filming too. It's going to require some careful scheduling. We have our own In the Room series, the quick hits that Sam is doing and now Roots wants to interview the guys and follow them around too. Scheduling is going to hate us but there's nothing that I can do about that; it's a lockout year and we need to give the fans and the advertisers whatever they want. I will need to make sure that the players don't hate us though. Their time is already so tight because of the shortened season that they won't like it taken up with more interviews.

As I predicted, Ian took my hand in both of his as we end our meeting and shook hands then suggested we continue our conversation over drinks. It took all of my will not to wipe my hand on my skirt after I pulled it away from his. I declined his offer and told him to have a good night. He finally got the hint to leave when I turned around and sat at my desk. As I drive to Sid's house now, I relive that final handshake and can't stop my nose from crinkling. I think I need a really hot shower to wash the ick away. Hopefully Sid will have some wine too. I got the car rental with GPS so it's easy to find his place. There's a gate with an intercom; I press it and the gate opens. Getting the car rental made sense because I'm tired of relying on others to drive me places. Plus, I think Sid is right and we'll need to spend time here so that he isn't photographed at my hotel all the time. I grab my purse and bag as I step out of the car then notice the house for the first time. It's all brick and kind of a red-brown colour. It would be quaint if it wasn't so big. It looks much newer than the homes I passed on my way here. I wonder if he built it.

Sidney is opening up the door as I walk up the stairs. His smile is a welcome sight after the very long and difficult day. Usually I would have wanted to go back to the hotel and work out before passing out in bed. I don't know why I was drawn here instead but I can get a good workout this way too. When I step through the door, Sidney leans down to kiss me; yep, this was definitely a good idea as his lips meet mine. "Hi" he says as he pulls away. "Hi" I say back. He takes my coat and hangs it up in the closet. "Want a glass of wine?" he asks me. "Like I never have before" I answer. He chuckles and leads the way to the kitchen. I can't help but notice how beautiful his home is; there are dark woods that make it modern but warm colours that make it traditional too. Overall, it looks very comfortable and very much like him. The kitchen is spectacular. "Wow Sid, this is some kitchen and house. Did you remodel or build it?" He smiles as he's pouring two glasses of wine. "Thanks. I knew that I wanted to live in Sewickley but I wanted to be closer to the centre of town rather than near Mario. I'd bought a house out near him but it never really felt like home so I never moved in. I waited until a property closer to town came up and bought it. The house was old and not in a good way so I tore it down and spent the fall building the new house." I take my glass from him and sip. He must have acquired Mario's taste in wine because it is really good. He gestures to another room and I can tell right away that he spends a lot of time here. Besides the huge TV, there are comfortable couches and chairs, a fireplace with a fire already lit and the whole room feels inviting. I slip onto one of the couches and almost moan when I sink into the cushions. I think this is the first time that I've relaxed all day.

Sid sits down beside me and makes himself comfortable too. "Thank you" I tell him. "I think this is the first time I've relaxed all day." He smiles at me and says "it can't have been easy for you with Tom." I don't know why but I want to tell him about it. I look into his eyes and he has that intensity that always gets me so I find myself spilling out everything that happened. Tom got angry when I talked about my expectations and how he needs to change to stay a part of the team. He yelled and screamed but I was ok. I'd prepared for this and made sure we were situated with the desk between us. When he stood up and kept yelling, I called security as Ray suggested and then told Tom that he was fired. While I'm telling him, Sid reaches over for my hand and his thumb rubs over my knuckles, back and forth. It's soothing and I continue to feel myself relax. "I don't think any of the players were surprised when Ray told us" Sid says. "We knew that Tom was a lightweight and he really treated his guys badly. I think Katie was scared of him which is why she wanted off of the road trips so badly and they brought in Michelle." I hadn't thought of that, the Katie thing because I knew how he treated his team, so I'm even happier that I made the change that I did.

"Did you rent the car?" Sid asks. "Yeah, if I'm going to be here a while than I thought I should" I reply. He frowns like he's figuring something out then asks "why are you staying at a hotel? Doesn't your dad own a house here?" I was really hoping that no one would ask me that question or any question about my father. I take a sip of wine and then reply "yeah he does. The hotel is right in town, close to the arena and easy to get to after working so many long hours." I look at him and I see he's not buying it. Damnit, he has enumerable patience. He just stares at me with those intense green eyes and waits for me to talk. "Fine" I say. "My father and I have a strained relationship. I'm here of course so we do talk but I wouldn't want to put him out and stay at his home." That's all he's going to get from me and I'm surprised that I told him that much. I take another drink of my wine and then put it down on the coffee table. I take his and put it beside mine. When I come back to the sofa, I straddle him and rest my hands on his shoulders. My skirt rides up and his hands follow it. I slide my hands up until they are on each cheek. "This is the perfect way to end a perfectly shitty day. Thank you for having me over." I tell him and then peck at his lips. He smiles and replies "you're welcome." We stare into each other's eyes for a moment. I can feel his thumbs begin to circle at my thighs and feel it deep inside of me.

I take his lips with mine in a deep and long kiss. I could kiss him forever but I have many other plans tonight. I bite at his lower lip and then take his mouth again while I rock my hips against him. There is no avoiding that he's glad I'm here too. He tugs my shirt out of my skirt and, before he can start on the buttons, I pull it over my head. His eyes are resting on my breasts and I can feel my nipples harden through the lace of my bra just with his gaze. He lowers his lips and nips at me through my bra; first one nipple and then the other. His hands pull down the straps so that my breasts spring free and he takes complete advantage. I rock my hips against him again and my skirt hikes up higher. He pulls up and kisses me again before he lifts me off of his lap so that I'm standing in front of him. He pulls my skirt up the rest of the way until it's around my waist and then he strips off my hose and panties in one motion. He swipes a finger between my legs once, then twice. I can't do anything but watch as he then takes my hand and slips one of my fingers between my legs so that it gets wet. My heart begins to race as I watch him. I can't take my eyes off of him. Then he takes my hand and pulls my finger into his mouth to suck my juices off of it. When did he learn that trick? Oh fuck, he is so hot. I can almost feel myself drip now from wanting him.

He pulls me to him again and I go willingly. Straddling him again, I pull off his tee shirt and then run my hands over his shoulders and then chest. I love his body. I lean back a bit so that I can let my hands go lower until I've undone his jeans. He yanks me back to his lips like he's dying of thirst and my lips will save him. The kiss takes on a more desperate quality as I begin to rock against him. He slides a hand between us and fingers me. He knows immediately that I don't need any more time. I reach down and pull him out of his jeans. After producing a condom out of his back pocket, he uses his hands at my waist to lift me up, position me perfectly and then I slide down over him. I set the pace slow at first but then increase as he kisses me. His tongue plays with mine as we move faster and faster. Oh yes, this is exactly what I needed after today; a quick and intense orgasm can often cure all. Sid doesn't disappoint. Very soon I'm crying out and then slumping onto him. He's found his release too and holds me close to him. Our heart rates eventually slow and I lean back. I think we're both surprised at how quickly this just happened. It was no frills sex but with a lot of frills in the finish.

I slip off of him and stand up. Pulling my skirt down, I know it's a lost cause until laundered so I take it completely off. Sid hands me his tee shirt with I pull on and then I grab my panties too while Sid takes care of himself. When we're both in our partial dress, he pulls me down beside him asks me "before we were distracted, I wanted to ask if you ate. Did you?" He's the cutest. "No, I worked until I had enough and then came straight here." He stands up and pulls me with him. Handing me my glass of wine, he takes his own and says "follow me." I follow him to the kitchen and he points at the breakfast bar so I sit. "Do you like omelettes?" he asks. Is he really about to make me dinner? "Sidney, you don't have to cook for me. I'm fine." He looks at me as if I'm crazy. I just throw up my hands and let him cook. I offer to help chop the vegetables but he won't let me do anything. This boy's mom raised him right although I have a sneaky suspicion that he only has a few things in his culinary repertoire. In no time, I have a delicious omelette and a full glass of wine in front of me. Sid eats an apple with his wine.

"Delicious, really, thank you" I tell him. He smiles and then asks "you said that your dad and you have a strained relationship. What happened?" He's like a dog with a bone on this; didn't he realize before that I didn't want to talk about it. I look at him and think of how to change the subject. There's that intense, patient look of his again. Fine! "When my parent's divorced, it was ugly and my sister took my mom's side. She and my dad barely talk now and she only sees him for public events that she can't avoid. My brother took dad's side and he hasn't talked to my mom since. I refused to take sides. Their divorce wasn't about me so I wouldn't take sides; I loved them both. While they both still talk to me, they are each a little bitter that I didn't take their side and see it like I sided with the other one by not siding with them. It was ugly Sidney. Their divorce went all the way to the California Supreme Court." It's not something that I like to talk about but anyone can find out through a simple Google search so it's not exactly a secret. "Sid, it doesn't define me. I came to accept the limitations of my relationship with my parents a while ago. I can't change them so I'm left with accepting them for who they are and I live my life and they live theirs." I finish off my omelette and take a sip of wine. When I look at Sid, he looks sad and I know he feels sympathy for me. This is the last thing I wanted to talk about, well maybe not the last, but this is not what our relationship is about so I change the subject fast.

"Did you get your calendar for the Little Penguins activities?" I ask him. For a moment, I don't think he's going to answer but then he says "yeah, today. It's going to be a really busy season isn't it." I chuckle and say "you don't know the half of it. We're doing something with Roots that's going to require player interviews and involvement too. I met with Ian form marketing later this afternoon because we're partnering with them on the project." He nods and asks "what did you think of Ian?" I simply make a face and Sid laughs. "Yeah, the guy's a douche. He comes into the locker room like he's one of us and tries to get us to go trolling in bars with him. He's really a douche." I laugh because Sid is so right. The guy is a douche. "Yeah well, I have to work with that douche but I've dealt with worse before. He's harmless really." Sid shrugs and takes my dishes to the sink. He looks like he's considering cleaning up but instead he says "let's go upstairs." "Why don't you let me clean up?" I ask him. He shakes his head and says "they'll be there tomorrow. We're both exhausted, come on." He takes my hand and leads me back to the stairs. After he picks up my bag and purse, we head upstairs. "Sid, this is gorgeous. I love the stair rails and the warm colours are great." I look at him and he has a huge boyish grin on his face. "Thanks. I picked everything out. Well, my mom helped with the kitchen and living room. I really wanted it to be comfortable, you know? I've been in too many big houses that feel like you can't get comfortable in them or are afraid to touch something. That's not how I want to live." I can't help but think how sweet he is and then I can only think one thing: bed!

The master bedroom is dominated by a California King bed. It's huge! "Wow" I tell him. When I do look at him he's blushing so I have to keep poking. "You really wanted to have a statement bed, huh? Do you like all that room or that many visitors?" Now he turns even redder. I take a running leap and jump into the middle like I used to do as a kid. I bounce a few times and can't help laughing. Sid leaves my bags at the foot of the bed and climbs onto the bed beside me. He leans on one arm and then partially on me. His free hand pushes my hair back from my face and trails over my cheek and then chin. "You are so incredibly beautiful" he tells me. I've been told in countless ways that I'm beautiful over the years. This is the first time that a man has said and made me believe it simply by his conviction. He leans down and brushes my lips with his soft and slow. I don't know where he's going with this but I go along for the ride. The mood has changed and I can't put my finger exactly on it. As we kiss, his hand slides into my hair and buries in there. I run my hands over his bare arms and shoulders then back again. He's holding himself up so I can feel the muscles in his arms flexing. God, he has incredible arms.

He stops and pulls back to look at me. Oh oh, there's that gooey look in his eyes. I thought we settled this and I shut my eyes for a moment to think. When I open them again, the gooey look is gone and he's smiling at me. Ok, I must be imagining things. I give him a quick peck and ask "where's the bathroom?" He points to an en suite so I grab my bag and head to it. I brought a few toiletries with me and go about brushing my teeth and taking care of business. I can't help but take a deep breath of Sid's shirt that I'm still wearing. It smells so much like him and I feel a shiver go through me. I look around and he has a steam shower. I love those and it would really take the kinks out. I turn on the water and then stick my head out the door bathroom. Sid's on the bed in only his jeans, just as I left him, watching TV. "Sid? Feel like a shower?" I send him a grin and then shut the door again. Quickly I strip off my panties and borrowed shirt before stepping into the steamy shower. Soon after, Sid steps in too. I'm under the spray and he comes up behind me, wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him. I can feel that he is semi hard against my lower back. He grabs the soap and begins to lather up first my stomach, then he moves up to my breasts and then he goes down lower again. He lets go of me so that he can slide down and wash each of my legs. The water from above rinses the soap off of me.

Sid turns me around so that, since he's on his knees, he is in line with my core. The shower is full of steam now and I can't see him; but, I definitely know he's there. He pushes me slightly back so that I'm flush against the wet wall. He lifts one of my legs over his shoulder to expose me to him. I feel one of his fingers dip inside of me and then his lips on my clit. At first he leaves light kisses and then he flicks and plays using his tongue. I can feel it throughout my whole body. Since I can't see anything, all I can do is feel. He adds another finger inside of me and increases the pressure with his tongue. I feel myself going higher and higher. His clever fingers and tongue work me. He changes position slightly to give himself a better angle and that causes the pressure to build. I feel it getting harder and harder to breathe. I feel the pressure gaining over me. Finally, I can't hold back anymore and I feel my orgasm take over me.

Instead of standing, Sid slides up my body leaving kisses in his wake until he reaches my lips and takes the kiss deep. I can feel his erection against my stomach. When I reach down to take care of it he pulls my hand away. His lips travel to my ear and he groans "wait until we're in bed. I want to be buried inside of you when I cum." His words make me shiver. I grab the soap he's abandoned and lather up his chest, arms and shoulders before moving around him to get his back and that spectacular ass. I turn him around now and, well, it's right in front of me so I take the tip of his dick in my mouth. I just take the tip in and suck it before rubbing my tongue around it. Wanting to abide by his request, I take my lips off of his dick and slide my body over his as I stand slowly. "Good God, are you trying to kill me woman?" I chuckle at him as he dumps shampoo and washes my hair. It is so erotic to have his hands through my wet hair washing it. We both rinse down under the spray until we're squeaky clean. Sid turns the water off and steps out of the shower. When I follow him, he wraps me in a big, fluffy towel and then grabs one for himself. We never lose eye contact while drying ourselves off. He grabs another towel and rubs it over my hair to get most of the moisture out of it.

When we're both dry, Sidney brushes his teeth and I slather on some cream. We seem very domestic except for the hot and hungry looks we keep sending each other. I can see his erection pushing at the towel he has around his waist. I can still feel the tingling from my last orgasm or maybe it's in anticipation of my next one and having him inside of me. We finish and turn to each other. Our lips and bodies meet at the same time. He sweeps me up in his arms. It should seem really cheesy but it works for Sid. He carries me to the bed and I notice he's turned down the sheets and there is one light softly glowing in the corner. He lays me down and follows pressing me into the mattress with his body. He pulls back slightly and opens my towel so that he can see and touch me. At the same time, I pull his away from him and throw it on the floor. We continue to kiss and touch but we're only savouring now. We both know that the other is ready and we're only prolonging the inevitable. It's the prolonging that makes me shiver again throughout my whole body. Sid leaves me for a moment and reaches into the night table. I see a condom in his hand and take it from him. I love the look in his eyes as I push it down over his huge erection. When I go to climb on top of him, he pushes me back instead until he's settled between my legs. He lines himself up but instead of slamming inside of me as he has done, he takes it inch by sweet and slow inch. It's exquisite torture. When he's fully inside of me, we begin to move at the same time and the same pace. Slowly at first and then a little faster until I know I'm close and Sid sends me over the edge when he reaches down and rubs at my clit too. I feel him let himself go as I'm clamping down on him.

He collapses on top of me for a moment and then rolls onto his side taking me with him. We are face to face now on the bed with our bodies still touching from head to toe. One of his legs is through mine and my leg is over his. He kisses me softly, sweetly, once and then twice. I shiver, only this time I'm cold, so Sid reaches for the sheet and comforter to cover us and then he pulls me close to him again. This is weird. Usually he falls off to sleep or I fall off to sleep. Neither of us do this time. Sidney continues to touch me softly; along my cheeks, a finger down my arm, the back of his fingers over my breast. He moves in to kiss me again only this time neither of us close our eyes. I smile at him and say "this is much better than a hotel for sure." He frowns, pauses like he's trying to decide something and then says "don't do that. We're having a nice moment. I know our agreement but that doesn't mean that we can't have a nice moment." I'm surprised by his words and even more surprised that I seemed to have hurt him. I may not want to fall in love but I'm not heartless. Before he can move away, I take his cheeks in my hands and pull him back for a slow, sweet kiss. Leaning back, I look at him and say "I'm sorry. You're right, it is a nice moment and I'm glad for it." He pauses and then must see that I'm sincere so he lies back on the pillow and takes me with him. I allow myself to curl up at his side. I feel badly that I didn't react the way he wanted. It makes me wonder what the rest of the season will be like and if I'll hurt him again.


	15. Chapter 15

I wake up slowly and take a big stretch. I may not often know where I wake up but waking up in my own bed is always recognized and enjoyed. I roll over in the early morning light and I'm alone, again. Maybe I should be used to it by now but I definitely don't like it. Why can't she, just once, stay the whole night. I know she needs to be into the office much earlier than I do but can't she wake me up at least to say good bye? I notice another note on the pillow. I sigh and then pick it up. 'I had to go into the office and know you need to sleep. Thank you for a great night.' And it was signed with an 'S' only this time there is a PS. 'Look in the fridge, I left you a surprise.' That's new and has really peaked my interest. I throw on some shorts and head down to the fridge. When I enter the kitchen, I see that she has cleaned everything up from the night before. I should have figured that she would clean. When I look in the fridge there is a tray with an envelope with a note on it. I take the tray out and see that there is orange juice and cut up fruit. The note that says 'I know you eat at the arena but thought you'd be hungry after last night.' She ends it with a happy face. I sit at the breakfast bar and eat the fruit she made me. This is very much unexpected. I think that I'm starting to get to her. She's opening up more, doing nice things for me and we're having mind-blowing sex. I'm doing things with her that I've only dreamed of doing with other girls. Not only does she let me but she likes and encourages it. I continue to eat and pick up the envelope. It's lumpy and weird so I open it. Holy shit, she's left me her g-string. I take a sniff and I know that it's one she's worn and think I remember it from last night. My morning wood becomes instantly more uncomfortable.

I head off for a shower and take care of myself while thinking about those panties. Without any idea why, I put them in my pocket before I leave; there's something so erotic about having her panties in my pocket without anyone knowing. I'm going to be fighting wood all day. I get to the arena at my regular time and sign some autographs for waiting fans. I need to focus. We have our home opener tomorrow against Toronto who don't seem to suck as much this year as in the past. We'll definitely have some film today with Tony to look at their defensive weaknesses for five on five and the power play. I'm right and we go into meetings first to watch film so that we know what to practice when we hit the ice. It only takes thirty minutes and then we go dress for practice. In the change room, Sloan's panties fall out of my pocket as I'm folding my jeans to put them in my locker. Before I can grab them, Flower has them and starts chirping in French. « C'est quoi? Qui appartiennent-ils? Vous gardez secrets mon ami? » I'm not sure how to respond as Flower swings Sloan's panties from his finger. I run over the different ways to handle this but know that I'm turning red. I turn to Flower and simply hold out my hand. He gives me a few more taunts and then puts them in my hand. I push them quickly into the pocket of my jeans and turn toward my locker. « S'agit-il de rayures sur votre dos aussi? » Oh God, of course he notices the scratches on my back. This requires some kind of response. I turn to Flower and see the other guys staring at me now too. I simply shrug and give them a huge smile then turn back to my locker. There's lots of chirping now and more than enough lewd suggestions about what may have gone on. I'm thankful when I'm dressed and leave the change room. I guess this adds rather than detracts from my rep with the guys. They always see me as squeaky clean so are glad when they see a little 'dirt.' I'm usually too boring for them.

There's more chirping on the ice but that ends quickly when we start running plays. Don focuses on the power play and penalty kill. We still aren't where we need to be on either. The PP gets a new look, again, and puts Geno up near point. That will give him more time and space. I'm down by the boards where I prefer to be and can dish off to Geno if they give him even a little time and space up there. Practice goes by quickly and we have another tomorrow morning, game day, so everyone either works out after practice or leaves for personal things to do. I shower and then change into a Pens warm up suit. I have Little Penguins today. I really hope that Sloan is coming down to run it. I'm disappointed when I go out to the locker room to put on my skates and see Jennifer. I smile at her, of course, but I'm definitely disappointed. If I'd been thinking, I would have realized that the boss doesn't do these kinds of things even if I am involved. I have to keep reminding myself that we're having sex and fun; this is not a relationship, at least not yet.

When I walk down the tunnel, I see her. She's in her regular 'uniform' of a short skirt, man style shirt and jacket. The suit is blue pinstripe and the shirt is a dark pink with pinstripe; both are hugging every curve. When her eyes glance up and meet mine, they are the deepest, truest blue I've ever seen. It takes me all my focus to keep my face remaining neutral and not breaking out in a huge smile thinking of her panties in my locker. Oh God, I sound like a high school kid now. She approaches me and has a guy in a warm up suit and skates. "Hi Sid, I was just talking to Jerry one of the organizers of the Little Pens with the Penguins Foundation. The kids are so excited to be here at Consol. They were disappointed when they saw you guys all leave the ice so they have no idea that you're coming." She smiles widely and I can't help but match her enthusiasm. It's contagious plus, I always love the little Pens. They have trouble skating never mind stick handling but they put everything into it.

I watch from the tunnel as they start a drill and that's when Jennifer motions me to go out on the ice. There's no introduction or fanfare and the kids notice me just a few at a time until I grab a puck and do the drill with them. That's when they all notice and start tapping their sticks on the ice in greeting. Jerry introduces me and the time we're going to be together. The whole group breaks out into four smaller groups for drills and skills. I'm the skills part and each of the groups will rotate in to experience all four areas. I'm teaching them something basic but essential; how to cross over. When we're at our station, the kids pay close attention while I explain what to do, show them how to do it and then talk them through it when I'm doing it. They look a little doubtful so I say "the important thing is that you try. I think I fell the first time I tried this myself." It's true, I did fall but I don't tell them that I was three years old at the time. They all get in line and one at a time, they try the skill. I give pointers and encouragement. Keeping it simple is what's important for these guys. The purpose of the Little Pens is that they get exercise and have fun. Sometimes we see diamonds in the rough but more often they are there to have fun and maybe learn a few things.

* * *

Leaving Sid in bed this morning was hard. I was exhausted, the bed was so comfortable and he was so warm. Remembering everything that happened the night before really made me want an encore but I forced myself to get up. There's no way that I can lose precious hours of work sleeping. He's an athlete and needs his sleep so I leave him to it but I have an idea this morning; since we're in his house, I go down to the kitchen to leave him a little something for breakfast. I remember, as I walk into the kitchen, the mess we left the night before so I clean up first. It's not in me to leave a mess. He eats at the arena every day so I pour him some orange juice I know he lives on in the mornings and cut up some apples and oranges for him. I left him a note on my pillow to come down when he wakes up and I leave him another note on the fruit. Inspired, I pull an envelope out of my portfolio and leave my panties for him. That should keep him going until next time. I chuckle while I grab my things from the living room floor where I left my skirt, shirt and bra. I throw on the sweatshirt and yoga pants in my bag then head out to my car. It's 6am and I still need to go to the hotel, shower and change before heading into work. I'll need to find a way to work out today. I'm getting all off schedule and my body can go from sexy to love handles very quickly if I'm not careful and the sexy fun with Sid is only cardio. Damn, as I drive to the gate I wonder how I'm going to get out. Damnit, I don't want to wake Sid, he needs to sleep; but, as I approach it, the gate opens. It must have sensors on this side.

I mentally go through my schedule today. I have some strategies to review for fan appreciation; Ian sent me the information I requested on the Roots project including his note of how incredible it was to meet and spend time with me – ick – I guess he's damn lucky to be so good at what he does or else he's a walking sexual harassment suit; oh, and the Little Penguins. I really want to see the Little Pens. They are going to look so cute in their little skates and helmets. I bet the jersey's cover them to their knees. It's not, of course, to spend more time with Sid. As I arrive that the arena, I know that the security is used to my arriving early by now but not in my own car. I drive to the ramp and it takes a moment for the guard to recognize me. I notice his name tag "Hi Trevor, I just got the rental last night. Is there somewhere that I can park?" He gives me a big smile and says "of course Ms. Burkle. Mr. Burkle isn't in town today. Please use his spot and I'll have your parking information to you by the end of the day." I thank him with a smile and drive in the direction he's pointed me. The spot is beside Mario's of course and near the door. I know that dad is busy with his supermarket labour negotiations right now but I wonder if he'll be coming to Pittsburgh when they're settled.

The morning goes by quickly and I intended to get some breakfast from downstairs but I completely lost track of time. I hear a soft knock on my door and it's Dana. Surprised I say "hi Dana, come on in." He enters hesitantly and I notice that he has something in his hand covered with a Gatorade towel. He takes the towel off and I see cottage cheese, fruit and corn bread. "You didn't come down for breakfast today so I figured you got too busy. Breakfast is important so I thought I'd bring some up for you." He is the sweetest man. "Thank you so much Dana, that is very kind of you and I am starving." He smiles and replies "since we eat breakfast every day together, I know you want cottage cheese and fruit but the corn bread was so good that I had to bring you a piece too." I thank him again and he says that he has to run back downstairs before the guys get here. I sit back at my desk and dig in; I really am starving. "Oh, we don't want to interrupt you" I hear Michelle say as she and Sam come in the door. I wave them in and swallow "please, come in. I didn't get breakfast so Dana brought some up for me and I'm trying to wolf it down before you got here. My apologies." I take another bite and then put it aside. "Let's sit over there" I say and we move to my seating area.

"So" I begin "we're looking for promotional ideas for Marc-Andre Fleury. His agent asked if there is something special that Marc-Andre can do with the fans to promote the game and Marc-Andre of course. They want the focus on the fans though. So what are your thoughts?" They look at each other and Sam nods for Michelle to go. I make a mental note; I like how Sam let Michelle introduce it to me rather than him doing it. He's letting someone from his team have the limelight. "Sloan, we thought about combining Flower with the Student Rush. We don't have anything new planned for the Student Rush this year so we could have the first four people in line at Student Rush get tickets to sit behind Flower during the game. He'll be giving away tickets and they'd get to meet him, get a picture, autograph etc." I think about it for a few moments. "What would you need to do to make sure it happens?" I ask. I want to see how far they've thought it through. "We'll need to check with AE since they sponsor the event." Michelle says. Sam continues "we know that it's within the budget that Marc-Andrea's agent gave us for what Marc would spend so we'll just need to see if he likes the idea and then work out the schedule." Yep, they've thought of everything. "Sounds good guys. Touch base with marketing before you go to AE to give them a heads-up. AE is their relationship. When that's cleared, go through Flower's agent but have an exact plan: know how much it will cost per game and in total; what would the schedule look like for game day and how much of Flower's time will you need." Michelle chuckles and I guess I look at her odd because she says "you're officially a Penguin; you're using nicknames now." I realize what I've been saying and laugh too. "I guess you're right. Great ideas guys. Go make it happen."

They are clearly excited as they walk out the door. I sit down at my desk and look at the problem of In the Room. Without Tom, I need to figure out who is going to manage this work. Most of my guys are crazy busy and, while I don't mind pushing people, this just might snap them. It's too much for an intern and I'm swamped. Resourcing is a bitch when it's a shortened season. There's no time to hire anyone. I'm going to have to figure something out and fast. My phone rings and Jerry is here from the Penguin Foundation for the Little Penguins Practice. Jennifer has gone down to talk to Sid, she runs these events, so I go to meet Jerry. He has a pass so I take him back to the locker room area. We chat pleasantly and he is very appreciative that we fit it into such a tight season. "Actually Jerry, it was Coach Granato and Sidney who came to me themselves and said that we had to fit it in. It's a priority for them and we had to make it happen." He smiles even more widely now. I show him to the visitor's change room so that he can get into his skating clothes and skates. While he's doing that, I send a message to Jenn that I'm with Jerry. She tells me that Sid is putting his skates on and the kids have just taken to the ice. We are on schedule. I've heard that it was a problem in the past, running off schedule, which is why it was so important to me that Jennifer be empowered to run events and the media. It is through her authority, the velvet glove kind, which keeps everyone to a schedule.

Jerry comes out ready to go and we wait at the tunnel to the arena for Sid. When Sid comes out, he sees me and has a huge grin on his face. I answer with a grin of my own before I give myself a mental shake and dial back the wattage. "Hi Sid, I was just talking to Jerry one of the organizers of the Little Pens with the Penguins Foundation. The kids are so excited to be here at Consol. They were disappointed when they saw you guys all leave the ice so they have no idea that you're coming." As I'm describing it, I'm getting more excited to see the kids and Sidney. Jerry and Sid exchange a few words and then head out to the ice. Sid watches for a few minutes from the tunnel and then Jennifer gives him the 'ok' to go out. There's no announcement or fanfare, he glides out and waits for the kids to notice him. A few do and then everyone does when he grabs a puck and drops into the drill with them. They all start tapping their sticks with I guess is like clapping your hands. Everyone greets Sid and the coaches talk about how they're going to run the practice.

Sid gets his own group of kids and is teaching them a skill about skating. I have no idea what it is about but the kids look nervous until Sid says something to them and they all laugh. He is so good with kids. They naturally take to him and he is equally at ease with them. It's great to watch. "Isn't he great with them?" Jennifer says beside me. I smile down to her and reply "yeah, usually people who don't have kids are awkward with them but Sid's a natural." Jennifer nods "he's always been like that. From his first year here, the kids have flocked to him and he has always been great with them. He says that he wants a bunch of them himself." She chuckles so I do too. He'll be a great dad someday and to someone's children. "I have to go back up to my office Jennifer. I'll see you later." I wave goodbye to Jerry and head back to the elevator.

"Sloan" I hear my name and it's one of the cameramen from the In the Room series. What's his name? Rod, Tad, oh "Todd, how are you?" I ask him. He looks flustered. "Not good to be honest. The schedule is a mess and there are overlaps in the times where we are supposed to shoot with meetings and practice for the guys. It's a nightmare." I take a couple deep breaths and wish I had killed Tom. "Ok Todd, what is the immediate problem right this second?" He takes a deep breath too and replies "we are supposed to interview Paul Martin but he is scheduled for a work out." I don't know the rules in this situation but I'm sure that we don't' pull any of the players from preparing for games to be interviewed. Working out would come first. "Ok, where are you set up right now?" Todd is calming down already. I guess he figures that I have all the answers. He might feel different if he knew I was making it up as I went along. "We're set up in that small area up on the 200 level so that we have a background of the arena." Isn't that going to give them background noise from the kid's skating below? "Todd, go back over there and I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Please have all documents about scheduling with you so that I can see them. We'll figure this out right away." He nods and walks away.

Considering my options, I decide to call Katie. I haven't had any time to observe her work but she's been around for a while and has a senior position so it's time to field test her. She answers and I ask her to meet me outside the locker room since she's on that floor. She looks very concerned when she walks up to me. "Hi Katie, I'm really hoping you can bail us out of a jam." That makes her a little calmer. We borrow a trainer's room and I run down the situation. "The immediate need is to sort out today's schedule and then the schedule for tomorrow. Would you please work with Todd and scheduling to ensure that we are lined up? Where we aren't, then let's fix it so that we are. Oh, and he's filming while there's a practice going on with the kids. Won't that be distracting on film?" She nods and we make our way to the 200 level. "When you've sorted out today and tomorrow, I'd like you to come and see me. Give some thought to taking over the In the Room segment. You would need to be the producer and therefore in charge of everything. It's jumping in immediately and fixing what is obviously broken without any of the quality suffering; in fact, I'd like it to improve. So don't give me an answer now. Fix the current issues and then we'll connect, ok? Focus on one thing at a time. Firefighting now and then planning afterward." She looks shell shocked for a few minutes but then recovers as we are approaching Todd's location. Just before we arrive, I whisper to her "I wouldn't give this to you if I didn't think that you could handle it." I then turn to Todd and we talk about the current issues. I don't solve anything. Turning to Katie, I hand her the documents then tell Todd that Katie is going to work with him to get back on track and she has my full support. That seems to calm everyone down so I turn around and leave.

As I walk back to the elevator, I can't help but stop and watch Sid with the kids. He's currently playing keep-a-way with them. Sid is stickhandling all over the ice and they are trying to get the puck from him. It is adorable and I can make out his laughter amongst all of the kids. They're having as great a time as he is right now. I think back to what Jennifer said and he should have a whole bunch of kids. He's so good with them and enjoys it so much. Most of these guys are big kids themselves. Maybe it comes from playing a game for a living but I think it's part of Sid's nature. He's fun and funny; thinks of others first and always; he has a patient and giving soul. I can't help but sigh. He's definitely one of a kind. I sigh again and then pull myself away from looking at the ice and him to go upstairs. What I didn't notice was Sid looking back up there at me.


	16. Chapter 16

The building is quiet, really quiet. When we don't have a game, folks try to leave early, well earlier I guess since no one really makes it out of here before 7pm. I didn't make plans with Sid tonight so that I could get a workout in and relax. Not that I don't enjoy being with Sid but the past 10 days have been crazy and so busy that I really haven't had time to think. A good workout will clean out my cobwebs for sure.

I grab my stuff and go to the staff gym. I use my badge but the door won't open. What the hell? I try a few more times and it won't turn green. Damn, I really want to work out. That makes me wonder; I know we're not supposed to use the player's gym but no one is around tonight. No one would know or find out. I take the elevator down to the player's level. There are some lights on in the halls but the rooms are dark. I find the visitor's dressing room and get changed into shorts and a sports bra. I couldn't use the play's dressing room; it didn't seem right. My badge gets me into the gym. I hit the lights and look around. Wow, all state of the art equipment, anything you could ever want to mold your body. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since these are elite athletes and would have the best of everything.

I jump onto a treadmill and crank it up. It feels so good to stretch and tax my muscles. I turn up my iPod and get lost in the movements. I decide to take it up a notch and increase the incline. It gets harder and harder. The sweat is dripping now. I go until my lungs are burning and then I lower the incline and slow the speed until it's a jog. I take out my ear buds and slow down to a walk. That's when the clapping begins. I turn around quickly and see Sidney smile and clapping at me. With my hand pressed to my heart, I shoot him a dirty look. "You scared the shit out of me Sid!" I tell him. He walks over and hands me a towel that I use to wipe up my face. I notice that he's in workout gear too. "You know that you're not supposed to be in here, huh?" I tilt my head and reply "my pass wouldn't get me into the staff gym so I came here and I really didn't think anyone would be here anyway. Come to think of it, why are you here?" Sid smiles and says "I didn't have plans tonight so I thought I'd work off some of my frustrations." I chuckle at him and his innuendo at the word 'frustration.' "Are you done?" he asks me. "I'm done on the treadmill. I was going to do some weights too" I reply. "How about some plyometrics instead?" he says. I think about his suggestion and say "sure" although I'm not exactly positive what he's talking about.

We both move into the gym farther and Sid sets up some bands and steppers for us. As I watch him bend over to pick up the bands, I can't help but look at his ass and then I know exactly why I'm here. He hands me a band and demonstrates a movement. It doesn't look too hard to me so I try it and he has to correct of my posture. I love the feel of his hand over my skin as he moves my leg a certain way. The next hour continues in the same way. I've never done these kinds of exercises before and I was a little skeptical at first. Really, a professional athlete working out with oversized elastic bands? Of course is drastically underestimated how vigorous the workout would be. Sweat is pouring off of me when we're done. Holy shit, I am going to pay for this over the next couple of days for sure. "Are you ok?" he asks me with a chuckle. "Yeah, I'm good but I'm definitely going to be sore for the next few days; may a week." He laughs full out now and then leans in to whisper "I know of some aerobic activity that could help burn the lactic acid." Did he really just say that? Now it's my turn to laugh but it gives me an idea. I tilt myself too far and suddenly that not even Sid's great reflexes have time to recover and we both end up on the mat with me on top. His eyes go wide when my hands go up and under his shirt. I say "oh, you didn't mean now?" He looks around like he's considering it but then says "you never know when the cleaners could come in, we better not." I laugh and roll off of him and onto the mat. I begin to stretch out the muscles that I know will be painful tomorrow.

Sid gets up from the mat and positions me so that he can stretch me out. I'm on my back with one leg pulled up and across my body so that Sid can push down. The stretch feels incredible after the hard work out. I'm barely able to focus on the muscle though with Sidney two inches from my face. His intense eyes are burning into mine. He pulls back and switches to my other leg never losing the connection of our eyes. He's back close to me again and some of his sweat drips onto me which serves to break the moment. "Oops, sorry" Sid says. I chuckle a little "it's not the first time we've been sweaty together Sid." We both stretch some more and then head out of the gym. We haven't made any plans to get together tonight so I'm about to say goodbye when Sid turns to me and says "want to come back to my place? I'll pick up some dinner and we can shower there." I'm tempted, very temped, but "Sid, I don't have anything to wear if I don't shower." He holds up a finger and runs down the hall. I wait, having no idea where he has gone. He comes back with some clothes in his hand. "Sweat shirt and pants. You'll have to roll up the pants a bit but they should work." He gestures for me to follow him into the change room but I just tilt my head and lift an eyebrow. "Sloan, there's a lot less in here now than what you saw in New York you know?" Not even Sid has let me forget about walking in on the guys at MSG. "Ha ha ha" I reply and follow him in. He changes into some warm up gear over his shirt and shorts and I put on the sweatshirt and pants he gave me. I notice briefly that his number is on them and the front of the sweatshirt says 'property of' but I don't say anything. I feel odd about wearing his clothes. It's like I'm a cheerleader and the captain of the football team just gave me his letterman's jacket.

I give my head a shake and say "ready?" Sid nods and we each grab our bags. As we walk to the parking lot, we don't pass anyone for which I am very grateful. I didn't think about someone seeing us until we started down the hall. After we enter the garage, he sees where my rental is parked and chuckles. "It's just temporary since my dad isn't here. There's a spot farther down that they've given me for tomorrow and onward." "Do you want to just take my car?" he asks. "Sid, besides the fact that I get up hours before you do, we can't drive in together." He looks sad for a split second and then smiles. "Yeah, you're right. You know where you're going, right?" I nod because I know that I still have the GPS. "Hang on a second" and he runs off to his car. When he comes back he hands me something with a button on it and a key. "Here's the opener for the gate and the key to the front door. I'll only be a few minutes behind you. I'll pick up dinner. Do you trust me to choose?" I take a few moments pretending to consider and then I just laugh. Sid rolls his eyes and heads to his car.

I get into mine and I can't help but cuddle into the sweatshirt he gave me for a moment. Odd, I take a sniff and know immediately that it didn't just come out of the wash. Sid has worn this recently and I take another deep breath of his unique scent. Damnit, there's that college girl again. I give my head a mental shake and leave the garage waving to security. It doesn't take me too long to get to Sidney's house. I'm again struck by the warm and family oriented neighbourhood. There are even kids playing in the snow. As Sid told me, the button opens the gate smoothly. I park away from the garage so that I don't block Sid's way and then get my bag. The key works as easily as the gate opener. As I walk in, there is a high pitched whistle-type sound that I recognize. He has an alarm and didn't give me the code. I grab my phone and dial his number quickly. He doesn't pick up and I get voicemail. I try again and it goes to voicemail again. Fuck! The alarm goes off and I hear someone say "give us the code word. We have called the police and alarm company security is on their way. Give us the code word." Fuck! "I don't know the code word. Sid game me the button to the gate and the key but not the fucking code to the alarm and certainly not the fucking code word!" I try Sid again and still get his voicemail. This can't be happening to me.

I go outside to the front stoop to wait for the cavalry and am very happy that it is hidden from the street. When I see the lights of a cop car over the fence, I hit the button to open the gate for them. Two squad cars and two security cars drive in and park. The cops have their hands on their guns as they approach me. Really? Do armed robbers sit on the front stoop and let the police in the fucking gate themselves?! A flashlight shines in my eyes and one of the cops say "identify yourself please." The security guys have gone into the house and, thank God, they turn off the alarm. My ears are still ringing. "Sir, my name is Sloan Burkle. I work with Sidney Crosby at the Penguins. Since I'm from out of town, Sid asked if wanted to come over for dinner. It was a last minute plan so he gave me his key and gate opener while he picked up dinner. He must have forgotten to give me the alarm code." It's close to the truth at least. I'm certainly not telling the cop that I came over here for sex with the city's favourite Penguin. The cop is trying to decide if I'm telling the truth when I hear an annoyed "I live here." Thank God Sid's back. He comes up the walkway and says "Sloan, I'm so sorry. I forgot about the alarm." I give him a 'ya think' look. "Sir" I say to the cop. "May I go inside now? I'm freezing my ass off out here." He nods and I leave Sidney to deal with the mess. I go directly to the family room and wrap myself in a blanket. The cold of the weather and the cement of the stoop have sunk deep into my bones now.

About ten minutes later, Sid comes into the family room and has the good grace to look embarrassed. "I'm so sorry Sloan. I completely forgot about the alarm, then I left my phone in the car while I was inside getting dinner and when I tried you back, you didn't answer. Anyway, I'm really sorry." I nod to him. I can't talk because my teeth have started chattering. I can't seem to get warm. Of course I was sitting on cement in the dead of winter, in Pittsburgh, in only sweats. Sid tosses off his hat and comes over to the sofa to pick me up, blanket and all. "Come on, we really need to get you warm." As he carries me up the stairs, I know part of me is starting to warm up. He carries me into the bathroom and sits me on the counter. "Wait here" he says and walks over the deep soaker tub. First he turns the hot water on full then he steps into the shower. When he comes out, he has a bottle of body wash. I guess I look quizzical at him because he shrugs and turns red. "For bubbles" is all he says as he dumps some into the tub.

After adjusting the temperature, he comes back to me, unwraps the blanket and then pulls off the sweatshirt and my sports bra. I stand and he pulls down my pants and shorts before he groans seeing that I'm not wearing panties. I just shrug and say "they ride up when I work out." I'm shivering again so Sidney picks me up again and lowers me slowly into the tub. I briefly wonder why I'm letting him do all of this for me, I never let men just take over and certainly not to carry me like I'm some damsel in distress. As the hot water hits my body I actually sigh. It feels so good and warms me quickly. Before he can stand, I take his hand and ask "are you going to join me?" A quick boyish grin flashes across his face and he has his own clothes off in seconds. I pull forward so that he can slip in behind me and then settle back against his chest. I can't help but sigh. "Are you warming up?" he asks me. I tilt my head so that I can kiss him. "Yes, thank you." He snorts "don't thank me. I'm the one who caused all of the problems. I'm really sorry about the alarm. I never remember I even have the damn thing until it beeps when I walk in. There wasn't any press around and you were shielded from the road the whole time if you stayed on the front porch." "It's over Sid and I'm warm now so forget it."

I settle back against him again. This is one of those moments when everything seems perfect and right. My muscles are tired from the work out but a satisfied tired. I'm nice and toasty warm and in the arms of a very hot man! What else is there in the world that you could possibly need? We lay like this for a while and both lose track of time. I can feel myself start to drift off when I hear Sid's stomach rumble. It sounds like a freight train. "Was that your stomach?" I ask him incredulously. "Yeah, sorry." I forgot that we didn't eat. Sid must be starving and I know that I'm more than a little hungry myself. "Ok, I do need to bathe so let's grab a quick shower and then eat. We should be well fortified for the after dinner entertainment" I tell him. We get out of the tub and jump into the shower. We do bathe but with some intermissions for long, deep kisses. Out of the shower, I wrap myself in a towel and Sid leaves for a moment then comes back with a big, fluffy bathrobe. "Here, you can use this" he says and wraps me in the robe. Before it's even on me, I know that it's his and can smell him on it. Sid throws on some jeans and a tee shirt and we head downstairs.

We head into the kitchen and Sid points me to the breakfast bar. He pulls out a bottle of wine and I take it and the glasses from him while he pulls our dinner out of the oven. He uncovers the containers and I see that he got us Chinese. "No MSG" he tells me. We heap our plates and eat at the breakfast bar. "So, are the guys going to rag on me forever about that change room thing?" I ask him. Sid winces but says "yeah, pretty much. It just means that you're part of the team now, that's all." I guess so but it's only a week into the season, not even, and I've already been embarrassed; fun. "Ok, so what do I do? Do I give it back or just let it lie?" He glances over at me "you could leave it alone and just take your lumps. You could also give it back but then be prepared for more chirping or even pranks." I'll have to consider this before I do anything. I may not know hockey that well but professional athletes are known for their pranking for sure. "This is delicious. I have to know where you picked this up. It's not the usual Americanized Chinese food." He smiles and says "yeah. Pascal told me about it and now I can't get enough. It doesn't have the really weird stuff that you don't recognize as food but it isn't chicken balls with horrible red sauce either."

I laugh at him and say "yeah, I know. When I was in China, I think it was the third day, I stopped asking what I was eating and just said 'xie xie' which is 'thank you' in Chinese. It just got too scary when they explained what was in each dish." He looks up at me and says "you've been to China?" Damnit, this is what happens when you stop kissing and start talking to them. Now he's going to ask why I was there and when. Hopefully I can get around it. "Yeah, it was a great trip. I started in Beijing and saw the Great Wall of course but it was when I went into the ancient cities that I fell in love with the country. As you get close to Mongolia and see the rich history of the ancient world, it's just incredible. It's like when I saw the Pyramids in Egypt for the first time. You get an overwhelming feeling of how small you are and how long our human history goes back." I've been staring ahead as I've been reminiscing about my trip and telling Sidney about it. When I turn back to him, I notice that he's stopped eating and is simply staring at me. "Sorry, I get carried away when I think of that trip. It was really beautiful." I tell him and before I can change the subject, Sid asks me "why were you visiting China?" Fuck. So now what do I tell him. I've actually become fond of Sid and don't want to lie to him. I'm also not going to tell him that I was running for my life; literally. Double fuck.


	17. Chapter 17

I almost missed it but I saw the quick look of panic when I asked Sloan why she was visiting China before she covered it. Over the last couple of days I've begun to think that she's hiding something. We're not in a relationship so she can keep private everything if she wants of course; but, if I'm going to get her to open up, then I have to start chipping away at her hard shell. I keep looking at her and she simply says "I always wanted to visit there so I took the opportunity when I was between jobs to take a long vacation." I know there's more to it but she's not going to give it up tonight so I leave it alone; for now. "You've travelled a lot too, right?" she asks me. Another evasion and change of subject but I answer "yeah. I've been all over Canada and the US of course but I love going to the Caymans and really anywhere down south where there's a beach. I've been a few places in Europe too." She smiles and that dimple winks at me again. I'm so obsessed with that dimple.

I love talking to her, and want to keep her talking, so I ask "can you tell me what really happened with Tom?" She frowns and says "it didn't have to go the way it did. They wanted to fire him before I got here, Mario, David and my dad, but I asked to come in and make the assessment myself. I hoped that I could help with some of the strategy pieces and then he could take it from there. Unfortunately, I knew early on that it wasn't going to work. He crossed too many lines for me to salvage the situation. The more I'm spending time with the team, the more I'm really starting to dislike him. He was a tyrant and treated people badly." I nod and reply "you know he wasn't always like that. Before my injury, he was a good guy; but, he handled my injury and the media approach badly. Pat, my agent, had to step in and take over. From there it was straight downhill." She nods "yeah, it was a true fuck up the way the media was mishandled during your injury." I look at her surprised. "I thought that you didn't follow hockey" I say to her. She chuckles "except for last year when LA won the Cup, you're right. When dad asked me to come here, I watched almost everything I could from the last few years. You could tell the exact moment that Pat took over. Everything was much more polished and you didn't have to talk to the media every fucking day to say 'no change' to them." I didn't realize that she watched everything although it makes sense of course. I guess she knew a lot about me before I even knew that she existed.

"So, what exactly do you do out in LA?" She smiles at my question. "I have a PR firm I started with a partner and long-time friend. We've built it into something really good and have some great and high profile clients. It's fun if you don't take it too seriously. Of course, we don't tell the clients that we don't take it too seriously. Everything they do is deadly serious to them." I smile at that and ask "would I know the names of any of your clients?" She looks at me moment then says "you might. A couple years ago we started representing Anne Hathaway. We also represent Hugh Jackman and Robert Downey Jr." Wow, I had no idea she had such high profile clients. I guess I should have figured that she'd be a big deal knowing Ron so well, she'd have to be at least a little bit driven like he is, but I didn't really think about it. "Ok, so you do have some big names." She laughs and says "some people think so and that's what it's all about in LA; what do other people think. Like I said, you can't take it too seriously or else I'd probably commit murder three times a day. An actress gains one pound and you'd think the world was about to come to an end." She chuckles but it makes me wonder "so why do you do it?" She quickly looks up at me, surprised and puzzled. "Hmm, no one has ever asked me that before. I guess I really enjoy the work. It's like a dance, working between the client, media and studios, and that is a lot of fun. Trying to get what I want and need for my client without giving up too much. As much as I poke fun, we have some really great clients who care about what they do. A lot of what my clients do is for charity too. That makes it worthwhile." I'm surprised that no one has ever asked her what she likes about her work before. I'm left, again, wondering what kind of men she meets.

Sloan leans back in her chair and says "you've certainly taken good care of me tonight Sidney. I think it's time that I returned the favour." She slides off of her chair and slips in between my legs. Since we're at the breakfast bar, the chairs are higher up and our faces are at the same height even though I'm sitting. Her hands first rest on my chest and then slide up until they rest on each shoulder. She steps in closer so that she can press her body completely against mine. As much as I want to keep talking and getting to know her, another part of me definitely has other ideas. She slides one of her hands back down my chest and keeps going until she finds the buttons of my jeans. Slowly, with her eyes on mine, she opens my jeans and slips her hand inside my shorts. I can't control the catch in my breath when she takes me in her hand. As she very slowly strokes me, she leans in to take my lips with hers. Her hand continues as her tongue comes out and licks at my lips now. I slide my hands up to open the robe, my robe, until her shoulders are bare. I slide my lips over her jaw, down her neck and to her shoulder. I take a bite, as she strokes me faster, and hear her gasp. I pull down the robe more until it falls to her elbows and holds her arms hostage. I push her back against the counter and her hand comes out of my shorts.

I lift her up slightly and reverse our positions so that she is sitting on the chair and I'm between her legs. I open the robe completely so that I can see all of that gorgeous skin. My gaze holds on her full breasts and I watch her nipples harden under my gaze. I can't help myself, and I don't want to, so I lean down and take one of those nipples in my mouth and tug with my teeth. She pulls her arms free of the robe and her hands go into my hair. I lap at her nipple with my tongue and then take it in my mouth again. Her nails dig into my scalp when I tug it with my teeth again. I straighten quickly and take her mouth hard with my own. She matches me and our tongues duel. Sloan pulls my shirt up and I break way long enough for her to pull it over my head and then I take her lips again. This time I slide my hand between us and push her thighs farther apart. I find her clit with my fingers and she gasps into my mouth as I push down on it. I alternate between rubbing and flicking it the way she loves it. Deciding to try something new, I push down on her clit fast and hard then release it. She cries out into my mouth so I do it again. Her nails dig into my shoulders and her head falls back. I attack her neck with my lips and slip my fingers inside her. She's started to get wet but I know she'll drip before I'm done with her tonight.

I spread the moisture up and to her clit. I slide my fingers around and around before pressing down on it again. Yep, she's definitely going to drip for me. I slide my hands under her ass and lift her against me. She grabs onto my shoulders and her legs tighten around my waist. I hold her to me more so that I can see where I'm going. It wouldn't be a good way to end the evening by dropping her down the stairs. It takes me no time to get to the bedroom and I sit on the bed with Sloan still straddling me. Her lips have found mine and we simply hold each other and take the kiss deeper. I could go on kissing her forever; or, maybe not as she grinds her hips against me. She pushes me so that I'm lying back on the bed then she slips off of me and pulls my jeans and shorts down and off of me completely. Before I can grab her again, she's kneeling beside the bed in front of me and holding the shaft of my dick in her hand. I can almost feel her lips on my dick before she even touches it. Her tongue comes out first, it's wet and circles the tip around and around then the tip disappears into her lips. I can't help the groan that escapes me. I watch as my dick completely disappears into her mouth. Fuck, she's really good at this and I feel myself get even harder in her mouth. Her hair falls over her face so I brush it back to keep watching her. Her other hand reaches up and holds my balls adding a steady, slight pressure. I pray that I can hold on. She continues to work me in her mouth and in her hand and I know that it's coming fast now. I'm getting really close to blowing. "Sloan, stop, I'm going to …" but I can't finish because she ignores me and works my dick even faster until I cum.

As I recover, Sloan climbs up on the bed and lies beside me. I can't help it; I turn my head to look at her and say "you're awfully good at that Sloan, thank you." She chuckles and replies "you're very welcome Sid. Now you're up." There's always something that I've wanted to try and I guess she sees that flash across my face. "What are you up to Crosby?" I smile and say "come here, I want to try something." She sits up and straddles me but I say "no, come here" and I indicate for her to move up. She does but I say "farther." She gets a sly grin on her face and I know she has figured out what I'm up to now but has decided to tease me. "Farther" I tell her and we play this game until she is finally straddling my face. I've always wanted to do this and it looks like I have my chance. Now I need to not blow it; metaphorically speaking.

* * *

It took me a few moments because I didn't know that he had it in him. While sex with Sid hasn't been boring, very far from it, it hasn't been adventurous either. When I saw that he wanted me to sit on his face, I was surprised and could also feel something deep inside me begin to shiver. It takes him a couple moments to position himself and me exactly as he wants us. I can feel his breath over me and I think I actually quiver. He hooks his arms over my thighs and spreads them farther so that I'm completely open to him. He takes on long, slow lick and I almost come apart having to brace my hands against the headboard to keep from collapsing. He settles on my clit lapping it up and flicking it; alternating between each movement. My hips begin to move without my even being aware of it. For something that he wants to 'try,' he's awfully good at it. Oh wow, he is really, really good at this. I can feel his breath on me as he uses his tongue and lips too. His tongue goes deep inside of me and then he swirls it around before taking it out. He settles on my clit and works me until I can feel the orgasm coming. It takes me over and I can feel it go throughout my entire body.

I slide off of him and onto the bed trying to catch my breath. I feel Sid move on the bed and feel his lips on my neck and shoulder then back to my neck again. His free hand is sliding up and down the side of my body. What is he up to now? When I feel his hand slide between my legs I open my eyes to look at him. His intense eyes are right in front of my face, watching me. He slides his hand between my legs and lightly touches my clit. I shiver feeling the light touch as a huge sensation because of my last orgasm only moments ago. Sid lightly traces his finger around and around it and his lips come back to mine. I can taste myself on his lips. His tongue sweeps my mouth as his fingers become more insistent. It doesn't take long for the pressure to build again since I'm still feeling the last orgasm. Was it just a week ago that I had to show him what to do with those fingers? The kid is a very quick study. I reach for a condom in the side table and Sid takes it from me to quickly put it on himself. He shifts to slip between my legs and I can feel how hard he is again. I reach down to really feel it for myself and then line him up. He thrusts inside me hard and fast. I grab onto his shoulders and meet his every thrust. Again and again we meet each other and I can tell he's trying to hold on for me. Thankfully, he doesn't have to wait long. Just as my orgasm begins, he lets go and I almost black out again. I feel Sid collapse on top of me.

We lay like that for a few minutes. He shifts saying "I must be heavy" and takes me with him to pull me to his side. I rest my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat begin to slow. I don't even notice that my hand on his chest and side and has started tracing his muscles there until he laughs and says "sorry, ticklish." Hmm, that gives me an idea. I pull back so that I can see his face and he's smiling up at me. "Really?" I ask and a split second before he can figure it out I've dug my fingers into his side and he's squirming and giggling. That giggle is hilarious and makes me laugh too and lose myself just long enough for Sid to roll me over to pin me to the mattress. I don't even bother trying to get out from under him. He's way too strong and, although I'd never admit it, I like the feeling of his body over mine. "I now know the captain's secret; he's ticklish." He narrows his eyes and says "you know my secret now but you can only use this power for good." He's so corny that I have to laugh. He continues "but remember that I know a secret about you too." I guess I look confused and he leans into my ear to whisper "no one knows that you're naked in my bed and it's not the first time." I roll my eyes but before I can say anything, Sid leans in and takes my lips in a soft, sweet kiss.

When we part, I ask him "what was that for?" He is quiet for a moment and then replies "because I wanted to." I guess that is as good an answer as any so I lean up and kiss him the same way. When we part, he slides to his side and takes me with him. I shiver so Sid pulls the sheet and comforter over us. We settle back to lying side by side and looking at each other in the faint light coming in through the blinds from the street. I smile at him thinking back to the two work outs I got in tonight. His hand comes up and a finger traces my cheek. "You know" he says, "this dimple was the second thing that I noticed about you; very sexy. It gets me every time." I shake my head at him and ask "do I want to know what the first was?" Chuckles and says "you were walking up to the front of the room in that first meeting." Of course, he was looking at my ass. In case I couldn't guess, his hand slips down to cup my ass and brings me even closer to him. I slide my hand up and into his hair. "You need sleep Sid. Tomorrow is the home opener and you need to be rested. Actually, I need some sleep too. It's going to be another eighteen hour day. It's no wonder the staff takes a couple months off in the summer. They put in a year's worth of work and then some during the regular season and more in the playoffs." He kisses me and says "aw, you don't like actually working for a living." I considering tickling him again after that jab or maybe just slugging him but instead I say "not all of us can sleep in until 9am every day and get to have an afternoon nap." His eyes narrow so I quickly say "we both need some sleep. How about a truce for tonight?" He acts like he's thinking it over and then finally agrees. I give him a kiss and then roll over to my usual sleeping position. Instead of just going off to sleep, as he usually does, Sidney pulls me back to him so that we're spooning. What is truly weird is that I don't pull away. I also get the best night sleep I've had in years.

The next morning, I wake at the crack of dawn as usual. Sid still has his arms around me and is mostly on my pillow now instead of his own. It looks like we didn't really shift throughout the night. I see the bedside clock and I really need to get back to my hotel to shower. I wasn't kidding when I told Sid about how long the day was going to be. A home opener alone is a huge event. Add to that the lockout and everyone wants to see hockey again in Pittsburgh. My dad was even trying to get out here but his labour negotiations have taken a bad turn for the grocery business and he can't leave LA. If it was New York then he could fly in and out the same day. It's just not possible with it being California. I know that he's disappointed but I can't say that I am. It would be really weird and I don't know that he wants to see me right now. He made the sound business decision to bring me in to help out the team with PR but that doesn't mean that he has forgiven me for the past. Just when I thought we put the divorce behind us, dad had to find out about Mike and everything just snowballed from there. I'm not ready to see dad again; at least not yet. I give my head a shake and put the past where it belongs, in the past.

I slide out of bed and Sid moves to completely take over the pillow I was using. Three quarters of the California king is available but Sid had to sleep on my pillow and on my tiny piece of the bed. I quietly grab all of things and wear his sweatshirt and pants to go back to my hotel. I leave him a note on the pillow and head downstairs. Our dirty dishes are still out so I clean up the kitchen; it's the least that I can do for him after he bought dinner. I look in his fridge and there is nothing to eat so I can't make him anything for breakfast. Oh well, he's going to have to eat at the rink like he usually does and I do too. Checking my watch, I curse myself running thirty minutes late for my day. There is too much to do today to be running behind already and I still need to drive back to the city. The sex is incredible but maybe this is become too much of a distraction from what I came here to do.


	18. Chapter 18

We lost the home opener to the Leafs. The fucking Leafs of all teams. The fans were pissed although not as pissed as we were. I had two points but who gives a shit when we lose. I think we hit the real low in the next game when we lost to Winnipeg; seriously, the Jets! We're in Ottawa now and we have to win this game. We can't be swept in three games in a row. At least practice felt good and the place was packed with people watching us at the small arena. The guys are all leaving on the team bus but I'm staying behind for a bit. Apparently I'm being presented with the Diamond Jubilee Award by the Governor General of Canada. It's supposed to honor significant contributions and achievements by Canadians. I guess there is some prestige to it since Sloan is managing this rather than Jennifer. It still seems odd that it's being presented to me at a rink but this doesn't even break into the top fifty odd things that have happened in my life. When I come out of the locker room, I see Sloan with an older man. As I approach them, they both turn to me and smile. Sloan speaks first and says "Sidney, this is the Governor General of Canada David Johnston. Governor General, please meet Sidney Crosby." I shake hands with the man and hear the whirl of pictures being taken. It always strikes me as weird that the cameras are all digital these days yet they still make that whirling sound.

Thankfully, the presentation and picture taking doesn't take long. I stay for a little while to talk to the Governor General. He was at the Olympics in Vancouver and wants to discuss the 'golden goal' the same as most politicians. I'm getting impatient when Sloan breaks in and says "I'm so sorry to interrupt. Sidney needs to move on in his schedule. I'm so sorry Governor General." Wow, she's really good at this and no one seems upset that she's interrupted and taking me away. I say goodbye to everyone and Sloan hustles me out the back and into a cab waiting for us. As she sits down beside me, I watch her skirt rise up to mid-thigh and am painfully aware that we haven't had sex since we left on this road trip. "Sid?" I hear her say my name and look up. She must have asked me something because it seems like she's waiting for a response. "Sorry, I missed that" I tell her. She smiles and I have a distinct feeling that she knows exactly what distracted me. "I said that it is an honour to be given that medal." I smile at her and she continues "it's probably one of a very many that you have, huh?" I don't want to seem rude so I just shrug. I am honoured, definitely; but, I can't focus on medals when we're on a two game losing streak. We have to win this fucking game tonight. "You guys will win Sid." I snap my eyes back to hers. How did she know that was what I was thinking?

As we approach the hotel, Sloan directs the driver to go underground with the cab. I take a quick glance at the front of the hotel as we drive by and I see a lot of reporters and fans. Again I think about how great she is at her job. She knows that we'll see them when I leave for the game and can sign autographs then. Underground, Sloan pays the driver and we take some back hallways to an elevator. When we're in the elevator, I can't help myself from pushing her against the wall and taking her lips with mine. The kiss is hard, bruising, and full of all the frustration I've been feeling. I pull back and simply rest my forehead on hers. "You guys will win Sid" she repeats what she said in the cab. The elevator 'bings' for our floor so I pull quickly away from her as the doors open. I take a last look at her before I turn for my room and she heads the other way. As much as I want to follow her right now to her room, I know that I need to have my pre-game nap if I'm going to be any good tonight and the time change is playing with me.

Thankfully my frustration doesn't keep me awake and I'm able to get my full nap and join the team on the way to the arena. I don't see Sloan on the way. Lately she and her team have gone to the rink before we do. I've seen them meeting when we usually get there and then they are all very busy. I put them out of my mind and begin my routine for getting ready for the game. The team is quiet as we change and each begin our warm ups. Even the soccer kick-around is on the quiet side. Each of us wants to win this next game to stop two loses from becoming a three game losing streak. Throughout all of the pre-game activities there is a complete and utter focus by everyone. We are going to win this game. Even Dan is more intense than usual. For the guys that were here last year, we all have something to prove after that series with Philly and our complete melt down. So we're focused and that's not a bad thing. The game is tight, really tight, and Nealer gets our only goal in regulation. Overtime doesn't get us a goal so we go to a shoot-out. Both Geno and I score and we win the game. After the game, there were a lot of questions about what I thought of our play. Basically, it wasn't pretty but we won. I notice Sloan out of the corner of my eye when I say that and she smiles slightly. I guess it was a good answer.

The Ottawa press isn't happy with the new rules but Sloan gets rid of everyone after the allotted time and Jennifer clears out the room. We do our after game rituals and are out of the arena on time. As we're waiting to clear customs, I see Sam and Sloan talking with Nealer so I join them. "You guys can't do any more games like that" Sloan says. Nealer and Sam laugh so I ask "what are you talking about?" She shakes her head and says "the overtime and then the shootout. It's way too much stress. I can't take more games like that." Now we're all laughing. "What are you guys laughing at?" Pascal asks as he approaches us. Nealer says "Sloan can't take the stress of OT and the shootout. She wants us to win or lose in regulation for the rest of the season." There's more laughing and Flower joins in saying "maybe she needs to wander into the change room again. We won when you got a good look; maybe she should do it more often." Everyone laughs, including Sloan, then I see the devilish look in her eyes. She turns to Flower and says "I don't know Marc. There wasn't really that much to see; not that much at all" and she looks him up and down before walking away. I just watch her walk as Duper says to Flower "she got you there mon ami." We don't have time for more chirping because we get called to our plane.

* * *

The past couple of days have been extremely long. I'm trying to keep up with work in Pittsburgh and manage my first road trip. The guys lost two games which made it even worse. Everyone's mood ebbs and flows with the wins and losses. This makes sense of course but it doesn't make it easy. My hours and Sid's responsibilities has made it impossible for us to have more than ten minutes together. I miss him. When he's texted me, I'm still working, and when I finally get back to the hotel then he's asleep. I'm glad we won in Ottawa but what a nail biter the game was with over time and a shoot-out. Sid got a goal of course. He's incredible to watch and I'm starting to appreciate his skill more the more I learn about the game.

As we fly home, I look around and see that most are sleeping. I like to sit at the very back of the plane because no one comes back here. The three coaches are watching video from the game. A couple of the players are watching TV or reading. The training and equipment staff fell asleep before we even lifted off. I've learned that, while we go home directly after the flight, these guys have to go to Consol and lay out all of the equipment, do laundry and unpack everything. They get the least amount of sleep out of everyone. I'm trying to work but my brain has stopped. I really need some sleep too. I put down my iPad and lean my head back with my eyes closed. "You need sleep" I hear a familiar voice say. I feel him sit down next to me so reply "yes, I definitely do. The problem is even when I get down time, something, or I should say someone, keeps me up." I hear him chuckle and roll my head over to look at him. Sid is smiling at me. I look around us and see that everyone who isn't sleeping is preoccupied. Just in case, I turn off the overhead light so we aren't in a spotlight. "Seriously Sloan, are you sure that you're getting enough sleep. This season may be a sprint but you need to take a break now and again." I look at him again and his eyes look concerned. Since no one is around, I take his hand in mine and say "thank you. I'll be ok. It's hard to hit the ground running when I also need to learn about hockey, evaluate the staff and now I'm down a team member; not that he did much to help anyone." He turns our hands so that his thumb can rub over my knuckle. "You're doing really well Sloan. All of the communications team love you. The guys think you're hot and that's all that they really need but they also think you're doing great. You need some rest. Maybe you don't get up before the birds one morning. You'll be amazed how much you can do when the mind and body is rested." It's sweet that he's trying to take care of me. I can't help but think back to the last time that someone actually tried to take care of me. When I don't think of one, I can't help but be a little sad but also grateful for Sid. Maybe we'll become friends too. He seems to be handling the 'sex only' thing well. If we get along personally, I guess that's ok too. It's nice to have a friend here.

The flight attendant moves down the aisle and Sid and I drop hands. "Mr. Crosby, Ms. Burkle, we will be landing soon." She walks back down the aisle and Sid picks up my hand again. "I'm not kidding. You really need some rest Sloan. It's going to get so much worse than this and we definitely need you." After a quick glance ahead, Sid lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it before he heads back to his seat. I know he's right and I figure that I've got two more days left in me before my body forces me to shut down. I pull up my calendar and see that we play in two days. Maybe I'll do exactly like Sid suggested. I'm not going to get to the hotel until 1am anyway. As long as I'm there before the players are then I should be ok. I see Ray up ahead and quickly sneak up to talk to him before we land. He seems surprised that I'm telling him I'll be in later tomorrow but he says "about time. We'll be fine Sloan. Get some well-earned rest." I smile at him and head back to my seat. I text Sid and say 'thx sleeping in 2morrow.' He sends back a smiley face and says 'good.' He really is a sweet man.

After a multiple game road trip, we all disperse quickly to head off and grab some sleep before we begin the next day. Before I can drive off, my phone chimes and it's Sid – 'I was going to invite myself over but you need sleep.' Ok, this man is really, really sweet. I think for a moment and say 'tomorrow?' He sends an emoticon back with its tongue sticking out. I can't help but chuckle as I drive away. It doesn't take me long to get to the hotel and unpack. I'm in bed quickly and about to fall asleep when I hear my phone vibrate. It only vibrates at night when it's a call. I pick it up and see that it's Sid. I answer it saying "I thought you told me to get some sleep. Why are you calling me?" I hear his low, deep chuckle and the sound goes deep inside of me. "I just wanted to make sure that you're not working." It's my turn to laugh now. "I am not working Sid. I'm actually in bed right now." He groans. "Did you really need to tell me that? I'm trying to be a good guy here." "Sid, thank you. You're right, I do need some rest. I may even sleep in until eight." "Wow, way to live dangerously." Neither of us says anything more but I don't think either of us wants to hang up. I can hear him breathing through the phone and it's lulling me to sleep. "I need to hang up Sid" I whisper. "I'm drifting off." Right before I hang up, I hear "good night Sloan." That's the last thing I hear before I drift off to a good and long sleep.

The next morning, I wake up and feel really refreshed. I'm a little foggy still but definitely feel good. A quick shower and some coffee then I'm out the door. The offices are still quiet. It's almost nine so folks should be coming in soon. I leave my things in my office and head down for some breakfast hoping to beat the players. When I get down there, the equipment staff is gone but the coaches are eating. I guess I look unsure so Dan says "don't worry about us. Join us Sloan." I smile and grab some food before joining them at the table. "So how are you doing Sloan?" this is from Todd. "I'm good, I think. It's a lot to learn and even more to do but we're making some headway." The three guys nod at me. "Well, we can definitely see a difference for the better Sloan" Dan tells me. I'm oddly touched that he would go out of his way to compliment me. "Thanks Dan. It hasn't been easy but we're getting traction." We talk more as we finish our breakfast and then all go our own ways.

Between the long sleep and the good breakfast, I'm ready to take on the day. That's probably why I'm surprised and unhappy to find Ian in my office, relaxing on the sofa. Annoyed now, I say "what do you need Ian?" and I make my way to my desk. Ian stands and moves to me. "Is that anyway to say hello after we haven't seen each other for days?" This was a perfectly pleasant day and now this ass is trying to ruin it. "Hello Ian" I say with a smile. "What do you need?" I stand there staring at him. "Fine" he says. "If we need to focus on business then we must. We have a schedule from Roots about when they want to shoot and there are a few conflicts between that schedule and In the Room. We'll need to move one of them." I desperately want to pinch the bridge of my nose where I feel a headache forming. "Ian, as I said in our last meeting, please coordinate directly with Katie O'Malley regarding any cross over between In the Room and the Roots filming. If she needs me to get involved then she will let me know." Ian keeps smiling and says "ok darling. I will coordinate with Katie on this matter." Yuck, why does every word he says make me want to take a hot shower? He turns to leave and then turns back to me. "Oh, I was in your old stomping ground this weekend Sloan. I love LA; especially when it's so fucking cold here. It seems like you are pretty well known the in La-La town." Ian pauses, maybe for dramatic effect so I wait him out. I can't wait to see where this is going. He continues "yeah, it didn't take me long to find someone who was willing to talk about Sloan Burkle. It is a fascinating story. I don't know why you haven't told everyone." He turns and walks toward the door again but pauses at the threshold. "Of course it got even juicer when I heard what happened two years ago. Too bad I couldn't find Mike and talk to him myself?" With that last comment he turns and leaves.

I can't move. He knows. How does he know? It can't be possible but, he knew Mike's name. Why would he care? What is possibly in it for him to find out? He knows. Oh God he knows. I slide into my chair without realizing it. I'm paralyzed. My instinct is to grab my stuff and run. What else can I really do? If Ian knows than everyone will know but I can't leave. I promised dad I'd stay. After the last broken promise I can't break this one. Oh God, he knows. "Sloan?" I look up and see Sid in the doorway. I don't even know how long he's been standing there. How long have I been sitting here? What's going on? Oh, right, Ian knows.

* * *

I say hi to Ian as I move down the hallway. He's always seemed a little slick to me but I don't really have to deal with him so what do I care. Sloan's office door is open so I swing in with a smile on my face. I hope that she's good and rested because I have plans for us tonight. I stop abruptly when I see her at her desk. She has no colour to her face and she's staring right at me but I know she doesn't see me. "Sloan?" I say and she doesn't respond. I close the door and move to her side. Twirling her chair around, I kneel down in front of her. I take her hands in mine and they are ice cold. "Sloan? Look at me, come on, look at me." Her eyes move and finally seem to focus on me. "There you go. What's wrong baby?" She looks, well, terrified right now. I take her cheek in my hand "Sloan, what's wrong?" Her eyes are unfocused again but then come back to mine. In a split second, she pushes me away and runs for her bathroom. I fall on my ass but quickly get up and follow her. I can hear the sounds of her retching bit instinctively know that this isn't the flu. Something is very wrong with her. It reminds me of Philly and when I found her in that room.

I hear the water running now so I go to her mini fridge and pull out a bottle of water for her. When the door opens, I move toward her but she puts her hand up slightly. Instead of touching her, I gesture to the sofa and she goes there. I choose the chair and put the water on front of her on the table. She takes it and sips, all the while staying absolutely silent. I let her settle for a few moments. She turns to me eventually and gives me a small smile. "Thank you Sid" she says. This is the second time she's thanked me. I softly say "what's going on Sloan? You can trust me you know." Her face goes blank again and she just shakes it slowly. At least this is different than her trying to change the subject or having sex with me. She takes another sip of water and I make a decision. "Today's skate isn't optional so I have to go." I look at my watch and do some calculations. "I will be back up here in ninety minutes. Clear your calendar this afternoon. You obviously need some time away from this place today. I'll take you to my house. We can talk, watch movies or have sex. I wouldn't mind all three." This earns me a small smile again. "I'm serious Sloan. Tell everyone that you have the flu and don't want anyone to catch it. If you saw yourself in the mirror then you'd know that they'll believe you. Really, don't argue. Be ready to go in ninety minutes." I stare at her until she nods then I get up and leave. It's going to be a long fucking practice. Although, beyond taking her home with me, I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do.


	19. Chapter 19

I stayed on the sofa for at least thirty minutes after Sid left me. It felt like I was paralyzed and couldn't move. I know that most people knew a little bit of what happened to me even if they didn't know all; but, I really didn't want it to follow me here. I finally gave up on therapy because it never could help me break through the fear. I know that nothing ever will. My focus is my work and living my life on my terms. In LA that's possible and I thought I could do it here. Who knew that slime bag Ian would check into my past. I thought that everyone would be scared enough that I was the boss' daughter to at least stay out of my way and let me do my job for the season.

Eventually Sam came to my office and immediately sat beside me to ask if I was ok. Sidney must be right and I look like hell. Before I could think of anything else, I told him that I might have the flu and he should really leave so that he doesn't catch it. I also told him that I was going home to rest for the day. He was very sweet and told me that he'd clear my calendar for me. He also helped me pack up my things and both he and Beth walked me down to my car. A few times, they offered to drive me but I reminded them that the hotel was close. I felt a little guilty letting them think that I was sick but I knew Sidney was right.

Now I'm sitting in front of Sid's house and hoping that some nosy neighbour doesn't call the police before he gets home. Before I left Consol, I texted him and said I'd meet him at his house. I got a text back about twenty minutes ago telling me he's on his way. I feel numb. I know that I've completely shut down and there is a tiredness deep in my bones. Lots of therapy has taught me what is happening, why it's happening but it has never told me when it will go away. Dad's money managed to cover up the really bad stuff. Here I am, leaning on a man again but I don't know what else to do. In my life, my LA life, everyone talks behind your back so there are no confrontations. Everyone talks to the media and becomes an 'un-named source' rather than being catty to your face. It's been easy to ignore what people say about me and focus on my clients. Since coming to Pittsburgh, I've become a mess and that isn't like me. For the past year, I've been able to hold it together all by myself. Damnit.

I look up and see Sid's car so I turn around and follow him through the gate. I almost forget my purse when I leave the car but grab it at the last second. I go to grab my briefcase too but just can't seem to do it so I turn instead and walk up the driveway to where Sid is waiting for me. He pulls me into his arms, kisses my forehead and then, with an arm still around me, he walks me to the door. We don't stop until we're in his bedroom. He sits me on the bed and tells me to stay there while he moves to his dresser. After rummaging around, he finds what he's looking for and comes back to me. "Here are some sweats. Change and then meet me downstairs." I just nod and begin to undress. He leaves the room and I can hear him go downstairs. After undressing I just stare at the clothes Sidney gave me. I can't put them on. Right now they seem too clean and too perfect, like him, and I'm as far from clean and perfect as you can get. I don't want to put my suit back on so I decide on a shower and hope that will help; sometimes is does. In the bathroom, I turn the shower on hot then step in. I keep it as hot as I can stand it and scrub every inch of my body. Finally I feel better so I get out and dry off. I feel better putting Sid's clothes on now although I do have to roll up the bottoms and sleeves.

When I go downstairs, I find Sid in the kitchen opening containers. I stand there watching him for a few moments. He's mumbling to himself until I hear a clear "fuck" and goes to the cupboard. When he turns around with plates in his hands he notices me standing there. His eyes go all intense and he looks me up and down. I guess he likes what he sees so he smiles and says "lunch is served." I look at the take out containers and ask him "do you ever cook at home?" He chuckles a little and replies "I made you an omelette." That makes me smile which in turn makes him smile again; I love his smile. "Come on Sloan, dig in." I look at the food and my stomach tells me that it's hungry. We eat in silence but a comfortable silence. It's like neither of us knows what to say but we don't want to fill the air with useless chit-chat. After eating, I feel better, tired, but better. I help Sid clean up and when everything is in its place, he takes my hand and leads me to the family room. He sits down on one end of the couch and pats the spot beside him. I sit down and cuddle in beside him and his arm comes around me. He still hasn't asked me what's wrong or demand that I talk to him. Who is this guy? He puts on a movie that I don't recognize but it doesn't matter because I'm asleep in seconds.

* * *

When I got to Sloan's office and saw that she was gone I was pissed. I told her that I would be back but she took off anyway. I was left wondering why I keep hitting my head against the wall with this woman. That's when I pulled out my phone and saw that she texted me and said she meet me at my house. I felt an instance relief. It took me no time to get on the road and I called for take out on the way. Maybe I should start grocery shopping or ask the cleaning service to at the very least. I was relieved when I saw her car as I drove up my street. I don't think I really believed that she would be there until I saw her. After parking, I watched her get out of her car and I've never seen anyone so wrecked in my life. It was more than sadness. It was beyond sadness. I took her into my arms for a moment and then turned us, with my arm around her, led her to the house and upstairs. Inspired, I told her to change and gave her my warm up gear then left her alone. Even though I've seen her naked, it didn't seem right to stay with her. Of course that also gave me time to run out to my car and get the take out I left there. When I got back in the house I could hear the shower running. That's a good sign I guess; although, when she did come back downstairs she looked like a kid dwarfed in my gear and without makeup. She did have more colour to her cheeks. During and after we ate, I desperately want to ask what the fuck was going on but it didn't feel right. She needed to be cared for and not interrogated so I led her to the family room and the couch. It took her seconds to fall asleep.

Now we're still on the sofa and I can feel Sloan's even breath beside me. I gave up on the movie I wasn't really watching and put on Sportsnet instead. What am I going to do with this woman? The longer I know her, the more intrigued I am. Fuck, if I'm honest, it's more than intrigue. I've thought it before but now I know that I've fallen in love with this woman I barely know. Who has secrets, deep dark secrets, which she won't tell me' secrets that seem to have damaged her soul. I keep watching her take two steps closer to me and one step back and have to remind myself that at least she's coming forward. Despite all of that, when I look down at her right now in the crook of my arm, I know that she fits. She shouldn't fit but she does. Everything inside me wants to take away this pain that paralyzes her. When I Googled her, wouldn't something have come up if there was a trauma or accident or something? Maybe I didn't go deep enough because there was a lot up front about her job and then her parents' divorce. I know that this isn't about her parents.

It's like the war movies I love to watch; she must have post traumatic stress disorder but from what? I look down as she stirs but then settles back against me. What am I going to do with her? My phone vibrates and it's some of the guys wanting to know if I want to join them at Diesel tonight. I thank them but say no. I don't want to be anywhere but where I am right now. I turn back to the TV and get lost in the recaps and scores for a while. I feel Sloan stir again and look down to see her eyes open. They are soft and sleepy. I can't help myself so I dip my head down to hers and first kiss her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. I slowly explore her lips keeping the kiss light. She reaches up and tries to pull me down closer to her but I won't let her take the kiss deeper. After few minutes, I pull back from her and watch her eyes turn puzzled as I tuck her back under my arm. "How long have I been out?" she asks me. I look at the clock and reply "about two hours." She sits up and stretches long and slow making my body respond instantly. I shift and urge my body to think of other things.

Sloan doesn't say or do anything else. I guess I'll have to ask so I turn off the TV and turn to her. "How are you feeling now?" I ask her. She shrugs but I stay silent trying to force her to answer. Finally she says "better. Thank you so much Sid. I know it's a lot to ask in a friends-with-benefits sort of thing but I really appreciate it." I know what she's saying is true but I still feel insulted. "Sloan, in your description, the 'friends' part comes before the 'benefits' part. You definitely needed a friend." She offers me a small smile and then tries to kiss me. I pull back and she looks puzzled again. "Sloan, if we are friends, then you can open up to me. I hope you know that you can trust me." I watch her bite her bottom lip. This is the first time I've seen her look unsure of herself; when I look closer though I see that she is also scared. That bothers me so I pull her to my side and kiss the top of her head. "That's ok; you'll tell me when you're ready." Maybe I should be more insistent that she talk to me but I can't do it. It's the fear that stops me. I turn the TV back on but I'm not really watching it.

A few minutes later I hear Sloan softly say "it was bad." I want to throw a million questions at her; what was bad; what happened; who was bad; why are you scared? It is so hard to keep quiet and let her speak in her own time but I know her well enough that I can't force it. She takes a deep breath and it shudders out. "I was in a relationship, I lived with him, and it was really bad." I really want to ask what she means by bad but I stay silent. I feel her breath shudder out again and then she's sitting straight up and shaking. Her whole body is shaking. Her tear filled eyes look into mine and she says "I can't Sidney. I want to but I can't." I'd have to be heartless to push her more so I simply gather her into my arms and hold her until she stops crying. I'm once again struck by the dichotomy of this woman. She is confident, intelligent and forceful but also soft, scared and insecure. I kiss the top of her head and say "you don't have to tell me right now Sloan. Know that I am here for you and will help you with anything; but, you don't have to tell me right now." She leans back and her eyes are still drenched with tears. "I want to" she whispers. I wipe away her tears and reply "then you will; when you're ready." I lean down and kiss her soft lips again.

When we part, she gives me a small smile and turns her head to lie back on my chest. I hold her cheek with my hand so that she is still looking at me. "We can work on your timetable Sloan. I'm comfortable with that and don't want to push you; but, you need to stop saying that this is just sex. Regardless of whether you're comfortable with it or not, it's not just sex. We may not know what it is but it's not. just. sex. Got it?" She tries to shake her head to deny it but I can see the exact moment when she realizes what I'm saying is true. She looks scared again but it's different. Her eyes are so expressive when we're alone like this; at work they're always so guarded. I watch as the fear leaks out of her eyes and finally she looks resigned. She purses her lips for a moment and then whispers "I know." Tonight we've gone two more steps forward. Now I just need to stop her from taking another one back.


	20. Chapter 20

They lost to the Islanders at home – we damnit, I have to start saying we – and now we're in New York City again. Ever since we left for NYC, many of the guys have been ragging on me about 'accidently' walking into their change room again. It's actually a nice feeling that they're teasing me; we've settled into a friendly relationship. Now if I could only figure out my relationship with Sidney that easily. I'm so uncomfortable since I spent that night at his home and told him about my past. Well, I guess I didn't really tell him but I told him more than I've ever told any other man. In fact, I've never even talked about it with family or friends. Even when Mom and Dad came to see me at the hospital, separately of course, I wouldn't talk about it. What they know they found out from the police. Of course dad paid everyone off to keep the worst of it out of the press so no one really knows all of what happened.

I pull my attention back to the media scrum. They finished practice and the press are now interviewing the guys. I call the usual 'last two questions' and get a groan from the New York guys. They know that we mean business now and that we will protect our players so, while they may groan, they do keep to my request for only two more questions. When we're done, the press heads out of the room and it's just the Pens team and staff left. I sit down on the bench suddenly tired. Sid starts taking off his gear and without missing a step asks "how are you?" It's just like him to ask. We haven't spoken much since that night. I think he's trying to give me space, which I appreciate, but while my mind is tired my body has started craving him like I'm going into withdrawals. When his gear is off and he's left in the skin tight clothes he wears underneath, I can't even concentrate on what he's saying to me. "Sloan?" I hear him ask so I look up at his face. "Sorry" I tell him and his face breaks out into a wide smile. He knows exactly what I'm thinking. He bends down to pick up a towel and whispers in my ear, quickly, "tonight" and then he's off to the change room. I can feel myself already getting wet in anticipation. This whole thing is so complicated now but the sex part is easy, simple and exactly what I need to clear out the cobwebs of the emotional side of our, well, whatever it is we have.

I hate the offices at MSG so I leave with the team for the hotel after practice. I'll work there. My guys decide to stay at the arena as they usually do. We're becoming a well-oiled machine. Everyone knows their role and is rocking it every night. Sam is really become a great leader and I'm thinking of reorganizing a bit so that he has more responsibility. Currently, only Michelle reports to him. I think Beth and the interns should too but I wanted to see how he handled some extra responsibility first and he's doing really well. Maybe I'll make the change this week. Even though the season has only just begun, I have to consider the end game and what the communications team is going to look like when I leave.

When we get to the hotel, I say good bye to the guys and head to my hotel room. As I'm kicking off my shoes, I hear a knock on my door. Sid must have changed his mind about waiting until tonight. I go to the door and open it without looking in the peep hole. Of course I'm surprised to see the coach. "Hi Dan" he looks uncomfortable which really isn't like him. "Sloan, I know this is unusual but can I chat with you a minute." I stand back and let him in the room. He paces a bit so I sit at the table and wait. Finally he sits down in front of me and says "we need a new policy on what we say to the press about the line-up and injuries. What we've been doing leads to speculation and we need to put a stop to it." I don't know what I was expecting but this is surprising. He's usually such an even tempered guy too so I'm surprised when I hear the frustration in his voice. Of course when I think about it, his frustration makes perfect sense. He's been dealing with Tom for the last few years. "Ok Dan, every team seems to do their own thing about what they will and won't say about injuries so we can decide anything we want. We do need to be cautious of pissing of the media for not letting information out. I'll need to craft a strategy. Maybe we give a little somewhere else and draw a hard line on injuries and the line-up." He's been listening carefully to me and finally smiles. "What?" I ask him. "I don't know" he replies. "I wasn't sure what to expect but it wasn't for you to agree and start make plans already." Now I smile, "Dan, you know hockey much better than I do. If you want to hold something away from the media than there's a good reason. You're a seasoned guy and wouldn't do it for the hell of it. I suspect that the reason is the same for both the line-up and injury question; you don't want to tip your hand to the opposing team." He nods "Sloan that is absolutely correct. Also, there just isn't anything to say sometimes." He gets up now and heads for the door. "Dan, let me consider how we're going to do this and not piss everyone off. We've been drawing a hard line in the scrums too so we really need to do this cautiously. Consider what you want to say instead of answering the question and I'll figure out how to keep the peace." He pats my arm and opens my door. That's when he comes face to face with his star player and captain.

Sid has no poker face so his eyes go wide and he turns red when he sees Dan. Oh my God! I've seen him face down huge goons on the ice stone faced but put him at my door, facing his coach and he goes all school boy. Thankfully I don't have the same problem. I look puzzled at Sid when I notice Dan looking between us. I say "hi Sid, did you need something?" Before Sid can answer, Dan steps into the hall and says "I've got to head back, thanks for the help Sloan." "You're welcome Dan" I reply and then turn back to Sid. I stay in the door way, not letting him in, instead I say "I thought you'd be having your nap? What can I help you with Sid?" We stand there looking at each other until I hear Dan's door close far down the hall. I take a quick look to make sure that there's no one else in the hall. When I see no one, I grab Sid's collar and pull him into my room. Just being this near him has my heart beat quickening. I push him up against the wall and attack his lips with my own.

It's been only days since we were together and it feels like months; years. His hands slide down to cup my ass and hoist me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and he walks us to the bed. Our lips never leave each other. Sid must misjudge where the bed is because he bumps into it and we tumble onto it laughing. "I hope you skate better than that tonight" I tell him. He slaps my ass in response. Suddenly, it's not funny anymore and I need him inside of me right now. I push him onto his back and straddle him. I pull my sweater up over my head and Sid pushes my skirt up to my waist. I lean down to take his lips with mine again and his hands wander up to unhook my bra. I move away just long enough to strip off my bra and pull at his shirt. He sits up to pull it over his head before I push him back down. I grind against him and feel how hard he's getting. Sid slips a hand between us and moves my g-string aside so that he can slip a finger between my legs. First he slides inside which is an easy thing given how wet I am. Fuck I've been wet since I saw him in the locker room. Then he slides his wet finger up to play with my clit. Now I'm grinding against his hand. It's not enough, not nearly enough; I need him inside of me right now. I slide away just enough to pull him out of his pants. It doesn't take much and he springs free. Fuck, I don't have condoms. I guess Sid reads my mind because he reaches into his pocket. I stand just long enough to pull off my panties and then I climb back on Sid now that he's fully sheathed. I slide down over him and we both groan. This is what I've been so desperate for and needed so badly. We both hold still for just a moment but then our bodies take over and there is no more savouring.

I rock my hips against his over and over at first. As I feel the pressure building, I change motion and Sid begins to meet me thrust for thrust. It takes no time at all before my orgasm takes over and I feel Sid give a last couple of thrusts and he follows. I collapse on top of him and we stay that way for a few moments as our breathing and heart rates slow. "What did Dan want?" Sid asks me. I lift up just far enough to look at him and say "we've just had sex, you're still inside of me, and you're asking me what Dan wanted?" It takes a moment but Sid sees the absurdity of the situation and we both start laughing. Soon we're trying to catch our breath we're laughing so hard. I slide off of him and we're lying side by side. "I really hate to do this Sloan but I do need my nap." I turn my head to look at him and say "sure, I'm just a sleep aid now, huh?" Sid's smile quickly leaves his face and his hand cups my cheek. "You know that you're more than that; don't joke that way." I'm surprised by the sudden change in his demeanor and the intensity in his eyes so I can only nod and reply "ok." I feel bad that I upset him so I lean in and kiss his lips softly. "I know Sid" I say and continue to kiss him softly. After a few moments, I pull back and say "you really do need to have your nap and it probably shouldn't be here I guess." Reluctantly, we pull away from each other and I grab my robe while Sid dresses. Before he can open the door, I touch his arm and he turns back to me. I offer a tentative smile and ask "are we still on tonight." He gives me a wide smile then turns back to the door. I guess that gives me my answer.

* * *

I managed to have a good nap, great sex will do that for you, and am now dressing to go to the game. This woman is making me crazy. There are times when I want to hold her tight and protect her from all of the demons that chase her. Then there are times, like this afternoon, that I need her so badly that I forget all finesse. I'm glad she felt the same way. I've been trying to give her some space but we're like magnets these days; we just keep getting pulled together. I chuckle when I think of my own reaction when I was about to knock on her door and Dan came out. Sloan has a quick brain and covered but I really need to be more careful. It's just that 'Sloan' and 'careful' don't seem to go together. I'm already in way too deep to be careful now.

The rest of the time before the game goes as usual. We hit the ice and I forget everything else. It's like that when I play. I leave everything in the locker room and only the game is on the ice. It's taken me years to develop this skill but it's really helped my game and my piece of mind. The game is quick but once we finally break Lundquist then the Rangers don't stand a chance. The game was odd though. Geno got into a fight with Marc Staal. Vokoun was cross checking guys in front of his net. Although the refs never caught him, he really pissed off a few Rangers and even got Brooksy once. Thankfully, we won the game 3-0 and can head home happy. I'm very happy knowing that I'll be with Sloan again tonight. I wonder if she's not eating or if she's working too hard. She looked pale this afternoon and had circles under her eyes. I can hope that she'll get some sleep on the plane but she's sitting in the back, like usual, and is working. It's funny; I've always seen how long and hard the communications staff work but I never thought too much about it before Sloan. After landing, I get into my waiting car and text Sloan 'my place or yours?' A few seconds later, I get a text back 'my place?' I reply 'sure' and leave the airport. We've been going to my place most times recent but her hotel is much closer to the airport and I guess we're both tired.

We arrive at the hotel separately and I park my car in the public lot. I followed behind Sloan to the hotel and she gave me a key card before we separated to park. This way I can let myself into the back of the hotel and no one will see me. We need to be more careful than we have been. I don't know what I'd say if someone took a picture of me at the hotel and it got out.

I don't know if I should use the card to let myself in her suite or knock when I get there. Just in case, I knock. She opens the door and looks surprised. "Sid, you have the card. You could have let yourself in." This woman definitely keeps me guessing. Who knew she'd be ok with me just coming in. I follow her into the living room area. She heads to the fridge and grabs two bottles of water. I sit down on the sofa and stretch. "Tired?" she asks me and hands me a bottle of water. I smile and reply "yeah" and hold out my hand to her. She sits and cuddles beside me.

We simply enjoy relaxing together for some time. Sloan yawns but tries to smother it. "You must be tired too" I say. She sleepily answers "a little." I chuckle, "liar" I tell her. She tilts her head up and says "fine. I'm exhausted." That's exactly what I thought. I pull her closer to me then stand taking her with me. I walk us into the bedroom and put her down at the foot of the bed. She reaches up to kiss me and yawns before our lips meet. "Ok" I say "that's it. You are going directly to bed to sleep." She must be exhausted because she doesn't even argue. Instead she strips and crawls into bed. I pull the covers up and kiss her forehead. "You have a good night's sleep" I tell her and turn to leave the bedroom. I have made it to the door when I hear Sloan softly say "Sid?" I turn back to her and she's biting her bottom lip. "Yeah?" I reply. She pauses and then says one word. "Stay?" I smile and walk to the other side of the bed and strip down to my shorts then climb into bed with her. She slides over and into my arms. It doesn't take long before she drifts off. As I follow her into sleep, my last thought is that this is the first time we've simply slept together.

The next morning, predictably, I wake up alone and to a note. I swear, one day I'm going to wake up with this woman! I read the note and smile. 'Thanks for a great sleep. See you at the arena later. S' I stretch and then look at the clock. I have enough time to go home and unpack before I have to be at the rink again. It doesn't take me long to get dress and down to my car. When I'm home, I do a quit change, unpack and am off to practice.

The mood in the locker room is upbeat. With the win against the Rangers last night, we're all feeling good. We still need to figure out the power play. It's good but with our talent and shooters it should be much better. When I get on the ice, I warm up and feel some of the bruises from last night. The Rangers are always a tough team to play and you can't come out of MSG without bruises and aches. The warm up and subsequent practice helps me work out the aches and pains quickly. As I thought, we focus on rushes and the power play. After practice, the media is let in and Sloan comes in with an intern. She whispers to the intern who then tells the reporters that I will take their questions now. It looks like Sloan is training the intern to manage scrums. It goes smoothly and is over quickly. After Sloan finishes talking to the intern she comes back to me.

I look at her and say "you look well rested." She gives me a smile, with that adorable dimple, and replies "well, I got a great sleep last night." I smile back and it's like we're alone for a moment. I hear Cookie laughing across the room and it breaks us back to present. "Sid" Sloan begins, "we have a slight change in your schedule if you don't mind. Can we have you for about thirty minutes before you leave? We have some video we'd like to get for In the Room." It's cute that she's asking me herself. I've seen this woman at her most vulnerable but, at the rink, I'm the captain of the Pens and treated as such. It seems stupid to me but I know that Sloan takes her job seriously and want to respect that. "Sure" I tell her. "Give me about 20 minutes to get showered and dressed." She shakes her head and says "take thirty. We have to set up and I know you'll want to grab something to eat." Interesting. She knows my routine. I nod and she smiles before leaving the room. I can't help myself from watching her walk away. I say a silent 'thank you' that she's always wearing those short skirts. "That shouldn't be allowed" Nealer says beside me. I know it's out of character for me but I turn to him and say "yeah." We both grin and then go about taking off our equipment before heading to the showers.

It doesn't take me too long to shower and dress and I even have time to grab a snack before I have to be at the shoot. When I come out of the locker room I find the intern waiting for me. "Mr. Crosby" she says "I can take you to the shoot." The interns usually use "Mr." when addressing me the first time. It always feels weird. "Call me Sid" I tell her and she gives me a huge smile. "Ok, Sid." I smile back and then follow her down the hall. We go into the 'fake' locker room where we usually record interviews for Pens TV. Katie is there and briefs me on questions and what they want to talk about. Thankfully, it goes by quickly and is only the thirty minutes Sloan promised.

I leave them to wrap up and decide to see if Sloan's free. I know that I shouldn't but I can't help myself. Thankfully, the offices are really quiet. Most people must be at lunch. Sloan's office door is open so I pop inside. Unfortunately, it's empty and the door to her bathroom is slight open so I know that she's not there. I take a moment to figure out what to do when I feel someone's lips at my ear and then they say "looking for me?" I chuckle and feel her breath all the way to my dick. Sloan walks around me and into her office. For the second time today I enjoy watching her walk away. I follow her in and sit in one of her visitor's chairs. "How did the shoot go?" She asks me. I smile and reply "it didn't take long so that's good." She smiles at me. Without giving it too much thought I say "have dinner with me tonight." She looks up quickly and before, she can cover it up, I see surprise in her eyes. "Ok" she replies "but you know we can't go out, right?" I feel frustrated but I know she's right. "My place" I tell her. "When you're done work, text me and I'll make sure we have food." She smiles and replies "sounds good." I know she has a busy day so I head out. I catch myself whistling as I head to the elevator. I can't help it. I have a date with my girl tonight.


	21. Chapter 21

I've felt like a kid planning my first date since Sloan said that she'd have dinner with me. I thought about it all the way home and decided on Italian. I called my favourite place and did what I never do; I asked for a special favour. Now I'm looking around the house to see if everything is in it's place. The cleaners were in while I was in New York. I debate kitchen versus dining room and decide on the dining room. I might as well go all out. With the main floor figured out, I head up to the bedroom to change the bed and put out clean towels.

When I've finished and the house is clean and ready then I jump in the shower and get myself ready. Now I'm just standing in my closet trying to figure out what to wear. She's going to be coming directly from work so I don't want to be too casual but a suit seems like too much. Ok, dress shirt and jeans will work. I can't believe how nervous I am. Before I can think more about it, I hear the gate buzzer so I head downstairs. It has to be the restaurant.

I buzz them in and wait at the door. Two of the staff from the restaurant walk up with their arms full. "Hi guys, come on in. We're going to set up in the dining room through there." I point them toward the dining room and follow them. They quickly set everything up. The linens go first and then the plates, cutlery and glasses. In less than ten minutes, the entire dining room is ready including flowers, which I forgot to think of so I'm glad that they thought of it, and candles. They are out of the house as quick as they came in. The food will be coming in about thirty minutes so I select the wine and let it breathe. I take a last look in the dining room and everything is set. At the last minute I decide to go all out and set up candles in the bedroom. I might as well go for it. I survey the bedroom and it's all set. That's when I hear the gate buzz and my phone goes off at the same time. I buzz the gate and look at my phone. I know a huge smile breaks out across my face when I see that it's Sloan and she's leaving the rink. The timing is perfect. I let the chef in the door and take him to the kitchen. He shows me what is in each container and how to serve everything. It's all in the oven and fridge and ready when we're ready. Alone again, I take a last look around and everything is perfect. Oh boy, there's the gate buzzer; Sloan's here!

I light the candles on the table and go to open the door. As I open the door, Sloan is coming up the walk. She has an overnight bag and her purse but no brief case. It looks like she wants a relaxing evening too. "Hi" she says and leans in to kiss me. I hold her there in a slow, sweet kiss. When I pull away, I reply "hi." After a few moments, Sloan arches and eyebrow and asks "may I come in?" I chuckle and move back for her. "Of course" I say as I take her coat. She wanders back to the kitchen while I hang up her coat. I notice that she's taken off her heals and left her bag with them. I head down the hall after her and find that she's staring at the containers on the counter then she turns to look at me. Ok, I'm caught. Now I am feeling self-doubt. Did I go overboard? We can't go out so I wanted to make it special here. I'm not going to serve her grilled cheese. Maybe she's not into this kind of thing. Or maybe I've gone too far and read too much into it when she agreed with me that this isn't just sex. What the hell is going on in her head right now? As I'm debating asking her, Sloan smiles at me and says "I guess you decided not to cook." With those six words I feel the weight lift. Ok, she's not pissed off or freaked out.

"We can't go out so I brought the restaurant to us. I know that I make a great omelette but how many can you eat?" She chuckles so I ask "hungry?" and she gives me a look that makes it clear that she's hungry but not for food. I debate taking her up on that look before dinner. The food will keep and, now that she's moved in front of me and her hands have moved up under my shirt I'm really sure the food will keep. My shirt pushes up as she runs her hands over my stomach and then to my chest. She leans her face within an inch of mine and literally purrs the word "yes" before biting my bottom lip. Fuck, his woman is so hot. It takes every bit of my willpower, and some I didn't know that I had, to pull back from her. "How about we have dinner first? We do have all night." She arches her brow and tilts her head. After a moment, she smiles and says "ok. We can wait if you want." I kiss her softly and say "it'll be worth it I, I promise."

I turn and pour the wine I left on the counter. I hand her a glass and then lead her to the dining room. When I turn to see her response to how I've set up the room. I'm stunned to see her stopped in the doorway taking in the table, linens, dishes and flowers. Her face has an odd look. "Sloan?" I say. She's still not looking at me. "Sloan?" I repeat. Now she looks at me but still doesn't say anything. Her face has become very pale. "Sloan, what's wrong?" This time she replies "Sid, what did you do?" I'm confused by her question. "I brought in dinner." She shakes her head and gestures to everything in the room. "Why?" Ok, now I'm getting pissed off. "What do you mean why?" She shakes her head again. "What do you mean, what do I mean? This is too much Sid; seriously too much." Why is it always one step forward, two steps back with this woman? "This is just dinner. I decided to make it a nice dinner but it's still. Just. dinner." She looks skeptically at me. Finally I've had enough. "Look, Sloan I know that we don't know what this is but you need to stop this!" She frowns and says "stop what?" I hate to do this now, when I have such a great night planned, but it's over time that we talked. "Stop pulling away. Stop trying to think this is just sex. We both know that's shit. Fuck, we've agreed that it's shit. All I've done is make dinner. Well, buy dinner actually. Oh yeah, and I changed the sheets on the bed and put out some candles. Deal with it!" I can't believe that I just yelled all of that at her. Did I go too far? Was it too much? Fuck, all I can do is wait for her to respond.

* * *

I'm reeling now. I was overwhelmed by how gorgeous Sid looked when I got here that I almost attacked him. When he led me to the dining room, I was stunned. I didn't think he picked up a pizza but this looks like one of the fanciest of restaurants I'd ever eaten at. He even had flowers on the table and candles. It just became too much. He's too much. Now, he's yelling at me and he is pissed off. I finally pull myself together. What kills me now is that he's right. I'm getting all bent out of shape over a man who is trying to do something nice for me. Why am I over reacting so badly?

I make a decision and take a step closer to Sid. I can feel his frustration coming at me and I want to run but I force myself to step closer still. I finally go with my instincts and take his face in my hands and press my body up against his. Slowly, I kiss his lips. I keep it light and soft. When I pull back I simply say "I'm sorry" and stare into his eyes. Finally, he sighs and presses his forehead against mine. "What am I going to do with you?" He says at me. It looks like I'm forgiven. "Hopefully you're going to feed me a great dinner and then take me upstairs to bed." We smile at each other and I know that all is forgiven. I'm left simply feeling foolish. He kisses me again and leads me to a chair. After I'm seated, he brushes my hair aside and kisses my neck. I shiver when he whispers in my ear "you're definitely in for a treat." As he leaves the room, I call after him "here or in the bedroom?" I hear him chuckle in response. While I wait for him, I sip at my wine and look at the table. It really is gorgeous. There are beautiful linens and the flowers are gorgeous. The fragrance of the flowers and the candles mix together in a lovely way. He must have done some fast talking, and opened his wallet wide, to get all of this organized in a couple of hours.

I look up as he comes in the room with two plates of salad. I'm surprised when he's frowning at them. "What's wrong Sid?" I ask him. He looks up at me frowning still. "I couldn't get it to look like they do in the restaurant." He is seriously the cutest thing. He's frowning at salad. "I'm sure it will be delicious and looks much better than you think." Still frowning, he puts a plate in front of me. Ok, so it isn't artfully arranged but it looks delicious. "It looks delicious and isn't that what counts." He sits down and smiles at me. "Ok" he says. "It's mixed greens, goats cheese, poached pears and roasted beets. Oh yeah, and roasted pecans too." Now he sounds like a waiter. That's the moment it hits me; he's nervous. Oh my fucking God, I behaved like a scared idiot earlier and the whole time he's been nervous. Ok, I need to take over. "Really? I love that combination together." I take a bite and it is delicious. "Ok Sid, as advertised. This is really, really good." He looks a little skeptical but sees that I'm telling the truth. He smiles like a proud schoolboy and starts eating his own. So very cute. "I'm surprised you had time to pull this together." He shrugs when I say that and replies "it didn't take that much." Yeah, really so very cute. Ok, time for me to step up in this, well, whatever it is. "You haven't talked much about yourself Sid. What was it like growing up in Nova Scotia?" He looks up at me quickly and surprised. Yeah, that's definitely guilt I feel having taken very little interest in Sid other than as a hockey player.

He gives me the usual shrug but says "it was great when I was young. I mean, when I started playing hockey with the leagues there was more travel involved; but, I remember seeing my family a lot. There were cousins and one of my grandmother's was always around too. The other one lived in PEI so we didn't see her as often." I smile when I see the look on his face when he talks about his family. You can see how important they are to him. "I hear that your sister plays hockey too." He smiles that huge, gorgeous smile. "Yeah, she's at Shattucks where I went to school for a year. She's a goalie like our dad was. I got to see her during the lockout and she is really good. I mean she's always been good but she has really become a great goalie. I can see her on team Canada someday." The pride in his voice and clearly on his face makes me smile too. Sidney gets up to clear our plates and I get up with him. "No, you stay here. I couldn't cook it but I can serve it." As he takes my dish, he leans in and kisses my cheek. That little voice plays in my head saying starts saying "what are you doing Sloan?" but I ignore it quickly. Nothing is going to ruin this evening and certainly not me.

I hear something hit the floor in the kitchen. It sounds like a utensil so I know Sid didn't break anything. That sound is followed by "fuck" a few times. After a little while, Sid comes back out frowning at the plates again. "Seriously Sid, you're frowning at the plates again. All we need is delicious food. I went to this uber trendy, opened for only for a half second, restaurant in LA once. The food was gorgeous; I mean, take out your camera and instagram gorgeous; but, I stopped at In and Out Burger on my way home. The food was gorgeous but there wasn't much there. I was starving." He starts laughing, as I hoped he would, and puts the plate in front of me. Again, it looks delicious. There's roasted chicken, pasta and grilled vegetables. "Mmm, this is delicious too. Sid, you're going to make me fat with all of this food. I don't work it off on the ice like you do." I glance up in time to see Sid's eyes look over my body and can't help the shiver I feel in anticipation of when he's going to do more than look. He says "you can always use the gym again if you want to work it off." I raise an eyebrow at him and reply "not with you though. After the last time, I had trouble sitting down." He tilts his head and asks "was that the workout or the 'workout' that got you." I roll my eyes and reply "what's up with the cheese factor Crosby?" He laughs, maybe at me or maybe himself, and says "I've been told that it's endearing." Now I laugh and it's definitely at him. "Ok Sid, we'll go with endearing. Really, though, this is incredibly delicious. We'll definitely have to get take out again from there." I take a sip of wine and watch Sid's eyes get dark and intense. "What?" I ask him. I wipe at my lips with my napkin thinking I must have something on my face. He stares at me a moment longer and then says "that's first time you've ever mentioned us getting together again when it's not just for sex." Oh. Wow. Did I just do that? Hmm, I guess so. I try out one of Sid's shrugs and, before I can reach for my fork, Sid has grabbed my hand and leans into me for a deep kiss. I taste the wine on his lips and tongue and that unique Sid flavour. When he sits back down, I rub my lips together. Yep, even better than the food.

We finish eating while talking about the game in New York and some of the changes Dan's making with the power play again. It's comfortable conversation and we both know that we're avoiding the serious turn our dinner took a few minutes ago. We both seem to want to think about what it means before we talk about it. I know that Sid didn't get dessert, he doesn't eat it during the season and knows that I don't really either. For him it's part of his training, for me it's trying to keep it off my hips. I can easily go from curvy to hippy with a couple slices of cheesecake. I help him clear the plates now and clean up the kitchen too. I bend over to put the dish soap away as we're finishing up and I feel Sid's hands on my hips and his body pressed against me. I very slowly straighten up knowing that my ass is rubbing against the front of his pants as I do. His hands slide up to my waist. When I'm completely standing, Sid pulls me back completely flush to him. Nudging away my hair, his lips explore my neck slowly. He turns me so that I'm facing him and I take his lips with mine in big, hungry bites. Sid pulls back suddenly and I guess I look as confused as I feel. He leans in and kisses me deeply but slowly. When I try to take it faster, Sid pulls back again and whispers "slow down" against my lips. Now I'm really confused. What's going on here?


	22. Chapter 22

My instinct is the same as Sloan's: I want to rip off her clothes and bury myself inside of her as fast as possible. I replay Sloan's "I'm sorry" in my head and keep that soft, confused admission in my heart. This is a night for firsts for both of us. While I've had sex that was loving, I don't know that I've truly made love before and I know that Sloan hasn't. Maybe it's time we explored this together. I've been so focused on Sloan recently that I haven't taken time to consider how I'm feeling. There's no more doubt in my mind, I'm in love with this woman. I don't dare tell her; she would definitely run and never stop running. That doesn't mean that I can't make love with her. We can do this as a first together even if she doesn't realize it.

I pull back as she tries to take our kiss faster. With my lips a sliver from hers, I whisper "slow." Her eyes open and stay open on mine as I lean closer and kiss her lips slowly. I take the kiss deeper and slide my hands to her back to simply hold her close. We find a pace that's slow but intense. We both close our eyes and simply feel. I can feel the exact moment that she completely relaxes into me. It's a small but perceptible feeling. Her hands slide up my arms slowly and hold at my shoulders. I change the angle of my head to take our kiss even deeper. When I hear her low moan I feel my dick respond. Her hands slide even further until I feel them on either side of my neck.

I need more. I pull back and take her face in my hands. She opens her eyes and it's the first time I've seen them look soft and almost like she's dreaming. I like her this way. "Let's go upstairs" I tell her softly. She only nods. I think about carrying her but decide to take her hand in mine and walk together. I do bring her hand to my lips and kiss it. She gives me an almost shy smile. We walk up the stairs and enter the bedroom as I remember the candles. I lead her to the bed to sit down and ask "would you shut your eyes for a moment?" She lifts an eyebrow at me and I can see the sarcasm. There's my girl. "Com'on, please?" I ask. She huffs now playing it to the hilt and shuts her eyes. I find a lighter and get to work on the candles. I didn't realize how many I put out until I'm trying to light them now. It takes me a few minutes but, when I finish and turn the lights out, the room is glowing. I turn to Sloan and she is so breathtakingly beautiful that I can only stare at her. "Can I open my eyes?" she asks and brings me back. "Ok" I tell her and watch her open her eyes and adjust to the light. She looks around at the many, many candles flickering around us. I can't read the look on her face. She looks around again, stands and walks toward me. Without breaking stride, she puts her arms around me and takes my lips with her own.

This time I don't need to tell her to slow down. The kiss is slow and deep. It would almost be comforting if it was so powerful. I pull her closer to me. We stand in the middle of the room simply kissing and holding each other. Her hands slide down and circle my waist. I feel them continue up my back under my shirt. I put my arms up and let her pull my shirt off completely. Her hands come back to my shoulders and slide down to my chest. I feel her fingers lightly play across my bare chest but I can't take my eyes off of her face and watch as she lowers her head until her lips are following her hands. She leaves soft, light kisses across my chest. It takes all of my willpower to let her. Her lips travel higher now and up my neck until they find my lips again. I let her take the lead now and she maintains our slow pace. With my hands at her waist, I pull her blouse out of her skirt so that I can feel her skin under my hands. Sloan nudges me back until I feel the bed behind my legs. She pushes me down so that I'm sitting on the bed but she takes a step back from me. Very slowly, she unbuttons her shirt to reveal a little more skin with each button. When the shirt is open, she shrugs it from her shoulders and it slowly slides down her arms until she tosses it aside. I can't take my eyes off of her. Her long blond hair falls softly over her shoulders. The swell of her breasts trying to break free of her bra. Her curves are in all the right places but I need to see more. Her arms circle behind her and I hear the zipper on her skirt release and then her skirt drops to her feet. Holy fuck! She's standing there in her bra pushing up those gorgeous breasts, her panties dip low to barely be there and her stockings each go to mid-thigh. All I can do is lick my lips and stare. She is incredibly stunning.

She walks slowly toward me and stands between my thighs. I lean in to leave kisses over her stomach and then up further. I suck on her nipple through the lace of her bra and her head falls back. Her hands grip at my shoulders like she's trying to hold herself up. Moving my mouth to the other breast, I repeat the same. Her fingers tighten on my shoulders. I slowly stand up and my lips leave a wet trail up her chest, her neck and then to her lips. Our kiss has a more desperate feel to it now but I want this night to last. I pull back to slow us down again. After reaching behind Sloan to undo her bra, I slide the straps down her arms until it falls to the floor. Her breasts spring free to my greedy eyes. I simply cup them and rub my thumbs over each peak. Her hands push mine lightly aside and she reaches for the buttons on my jeans then pushes them down. She follows them until she's kneeling in front of me. As she looks up at me, her fingers lightly play over me through my shorts. I get harder and harder under her light touch.

Her fingers continue to lightly outline my dick through my shorts and I can feel my heart begin to race. This 'go slowly' thing is back firing on me now. She puts her fingers in my waistband now and pulls my shorts down so that I spring free. Her tongue slips between her full lips and licks at my tip. Ok, I know I'm not going to last if she keeps this up so I bend down and pull her up until she's pressed against me. My turn now so I wrap my arms around her until her feet are off the ground, reverse our positions and then gently lay her on the turned down bed. Her hair has fanned out like a halo around her head. Her skin glows in the candle light and only a small swatch of fabric covers her. I slip her panties off of her, then her stockings, and let my fingers graze over her skin. I can see her visibly shiver.

I climb onto the bed beside her and lay on my side. I run my free hand up the smooth skin of her leg and over her hip. My fingers dip at her waist and then continue until my thumb slides across her nipple. It puckers even more and a sigh escapes her lips. I lean down to take it in my mouth; laving it with my tongue first and leaving wet kisses all around. Her hand has gone into the hair at the nape of my neck where she strokes softly. Now I shiver. I move to her other breast and give it some attention too. Her sigh is longer this time. It's a breathy sound that I've never heard from her before.

I kiss down her body now, lapping with my tongue and leaving light kisses all the way down. Her legs part but I don't go there. I continue with my lips over her hip and then down her thigh. She keeps sighing and making mewing sounds. When I get to her foot, I hold it in my hand and kiss the instep. She pulls away and giggles. Oh my God! Did she just giggle? I look up and at her and she's grinning with her dimple winking. I kiss her foot again so that she'll giggle again; which she does. It's a wonderful sound and I feel my heart swell with it. I move to the other foot, more giggling, and then move my way up that leg until I'm lying beside her again.

* * *

I don't know what kind of mood Sidney is in but I'm going with it. I was surprised in the kitchen when he told me to slow down. Usually we're ripping each other's clothes off. He seems to want to savour tonight so I decided to go along for the ride. Right now, part of me is wishing he would go a little faster. He seems determined to kiss and touch ever part of my body except one. I reach up now, as he lies beside me, and let my fingertips trace his cheeks, chin and full, beautiful lips. He nips at my finger and holds it lightly between his teeth. I can't help smiling up at him. My smile disappears when he sucks my finger into his mouth and I feel his tongue circle it. When he releases my finger, I trace his lips again. I love his lips. How they feel against mine. How they feel over my skin. I pull his face down to mine and take his lips with my own.

Our kiss is slow, deep and I feel it all the way to my toes. I pull him closer to me until his body is covering mine. We continue to kiss and our hands play lightly over each other's body. This gives me time to notice the little things. I feel every point where his body is touching mine; his hard body against my soft curves. I notice the simple feeling of his body lying on mine. The weight is comforting and arousing at the same time. The simple feeling of being completely encompassed by him, enveloped by him, is almost overwhelming. I've never noticed that before. When we've had sex before, it's always satisfying - beyond even - but it's also always frenetic. This slow, almost lazy pace is foreign to me but no less pleasurable. It's almost like my senses are heightened. I'm feeling so much more because I can focus on each and every feeling as it washes over me.

Sid pulls back slightly so that he is staring down at me with his dark, intense eyes. I know his eyes are green but, in the glow of the candles and fully aroused, his eyes are dark and fathomless. I couldn't look away if I wanted to. I'm enraptured as he lightly brushes hair from my cheek. His lips take my in light sips; it is sweet and intense at the same time. On the next one, I hold him to me and trace his pillow plump lips with my tongue before I slip it between them. Our tongues play lightly over each other. I can feel myself go from damp to soaked with this latest kiss and my hips begin to move on their own.

Sid must have felt it because he pulls back and smiles down at me. I can't do anything but smile back. He leans in to kiss me again and this time his hand slides between legs. He gently cups me and a low, deep moan escapes my mouth and into Sid's. He pulls back and, staring into my eyes, he slips two fingers inside of me. I moan again and my hips tilt up to meet his hand but I can't move my eyes from his. His fingers slide up to my clit to tease it. In small circles he slowly moves his fingers around and around my clit. When he lightly but steadily applies pressure, I can't keep my eyes open anymore. I feel Sid slide down my body and settle between legs. He opens them wide and then takes a long lick. I cry out this time. With the long foreplay, I feel like I could come apart from that lick alone. He settles his lips on my clit and kisses it and around it. Then his tongue comes out and flicks it a few times. The sensations are overwhelming. I can feel the pressure building and pooling where Sid is currently buried. I can't keep the moans from escaping my lips but it turns to a cry when Sid begins to kiss up my body. I miss the feeling of his lips between my legs. I'm mollified when he slips his fingers inside of me and his mouth settles on my nipple. His fingers work me in and out, in and out, again and again. He mouth moves from on nipple to the other. It's becoming essential that I feel him inside of me. I pull his face up to mine and kiss him deeply.

He settles between my legs directly over me. I can't take my eyes off of his as I reach down and guide him to my entrance. He slowly lowers until he's deep inside of me. We never lose each other's eyes as we begin to move slowly together; thrust for thrust we build our rhythm. I can feel every nerve ending in my body tuned into Sid. His eyes are so dark and intense that I can't look away. I can feel the pressure building inside of me. Sid must see or feel me getting close so he increases his thrusts. Within seconds I feel my orgasm overtake me and, after Sid thrust a couple more times, he loses himself too. I hold him to me, tightly, like I'll never let him go. Sidney tries to push off of me but I can't let him go, I don't know why but I just can't let go of him. "Babe, I must be heavy" he says to me. I just shake my head and continue to hold him. He sighs and rolls so that we are still holding each other but are side by side now. He leans back so that we can see each other and pushes the hair back from my face. Suddenly, he looks concerned and asks "are you ok Sloan?" I'm confused by his question until he reaches up to my face and brushes his fingers over my cheek. That's when I notice that I'm crying. I didn't even notice the tears until Sidney wiped them away.

* * *

As I lay on Sloan, I know I'm heavy but I can't move off of her just yet. I've softened but am still inside of her. I can feel her heart beating against mine and she's holding me like she'll never let me go; I could only be so lucky. I'm overwhelmed by the waves of emotion I'm feeling. This is the most intense orgasm I've ever had in my entire life and, especially lately, I've been having some really good ones. "Babe, I must be heavy" I tell her but she won't let go so I roll to my side until we're facing each other. I pull back and am startled to see tears falling from her gorgeous blue eyes. I wipe them and ask "are you ok Sloan?" She seems confused and surprised. When she bites her lip I don't know what to think. I desperately want to tell her that I love her but I know instinctively that it's not the right time. If dinner scared her then a declaration of love would cause her to run fast and far. I kiss her lips lightly and ask again "are you ok?" She nods now and kisses me. When she pulls back, she says "I don't know why I'm crying" and chuckles. I release a breath that I didn't know I was holding. I wipe away the last tears from her cheeks and then simply trace the planes of her face. She is so beautiful like this; soft and sweet. I love it when she's all sassy and in control too. There are so many facets to this woman and I know that I'm still learning so much about her. Wow, so this is love. It's as perfect as you hear it is; it's all encompassing and permeates my entire body. I know she feels it too but can't admit it yet. I have the rest of season to convince her.

Oh God, it hits me that we didn't use a condom! Sloan notices the change in me and asks "what's wrong Sid?" "Sloan, we didn't use a condom." She's surprised too but then says "it's ok Sid. I'm not going to get pregnant, I use condoms to be safe. There's no reason on my side but, well, I know you guys are tested up and down for everything but you can't be too safe, right?" I smile and kiss her. I'm not as relieved as I thought that I would be. Ok, I need to stop that thought right now. If I'm trying to figure out how to tell her I love her then I'm definitely not talking about kids. "Yeah" I tell her. "We go through medicals at the beginning of the season so I'm completely healthy." Her hand slips down to my ass and she says "yeah, I can vouch for that, definitely healthy." She's so adorable right now. First she was giggling and now she's playful. I really like this side of Sloan. I've really only seen her completely in control or completely fallen apart. It's nice to see her playful and fun side too. Her grin disappears quickly and a frown replaces it so I ask "what's going on in your head right now?" She looks into my eyes and asks "why did you do all of this Sid? I mean the dinner and the candles; everything." Ok, this is going to be tricky. I don't want to lie but I can't tell her the truth either. Maybe part of the truth will work. "I wanted us to have a special night and enjoy each other. We had the time and I think we both needed a little relaxation." She smiles at me now and replies "well, it was a very good idea. I'm glad that you went to the trouble; thank you." She kisses me lightly and then settles against me. I roll onto my back and take her with me. After pulling the blankets over us, I kiss her forehead and say "let's get some sleep." She yawns and nods. As I drift off, I wonder if she'll still be in my arms when I wake up in the morning.


	23. Chapter 23

I wake up alone, which I've come to expect now. Either Sloan thinks it's too intimate to wake up with me or maybe she gets into the office long before I need to be there; it's probably a little bit of both. I think back over our night together and remember each and every moment fondly. I feel like a 'girl' thinking it, but sex is different when you're in love. I know that Sloan felt it too. When her orgasm started, and we were staring into each other's eyes, there was no doubt in my mind that there was recognition in hers. At the very least, she knew that this was different. I see that it's only 8am so I contemplate going back to sleep. That's when I hear something in the hall. Before I could get up to investigate, Sloan comes in the door wearing my sweats and carrying a bag and coffee. "Damn, I wanted to get back before you woke up. Sid, you really need to go grocery shopping. All you have for food is cereal and you don't even have milk. I need more than Gatorade in the morning." She climbs onto the bed and sits cross legged. She pulls out a bottle of orange juice and hands it to me. Then she pulls out two Styrofoam containers. "Egg white omelette for you and regular for me." I guess she notices that I haven't said anything so she asks "is everything ok?" I speak before I think "you stayed" is all I say. I watch Sloan blush; the morning is full of firsts. She looks down and busies herself with her coffee. I sit up and lift her chin until she's looking at me. "You stayed" I say again. Now she shrugs and replies "yeah, so." I decide to let her off the hook and simply enjoy.

"And you brought me breakfast. Thank you." She smiles now and we both dig into our food. "So, we have the Devils tomorrow and then we leave directly after the game to go to Washington. I guess the Washington press are going to be interesting, wanting to continue to compare you and Ovechkin." I guess I'm smiling at her because she asks "what's that look for?" I keep smiling and reply "you're finally saying 'we' rather than 'you.' It's nice to hear you include yourself in the team, that's all." She smiles again and looks at the clock. "Damn, it's getting so late. I have way too much work to do to have a lazy morning." I decide to push my luck so I ask "why did you stay?" She looks surprised by the question and doesn't answer me right away. In the past, waiting her out has worked so I stay quiet. She sips at her coffee and finally looks up at me. "I just wanted to" is all she says. I think those are the four sweetest words I've ever heard come from her lips and maybe ever. I push aside my container, then hers, and pull her onto my lap. Brushing her hair away from her face, I lean in and kiss her slowly. It takes only a few moments before the kiss becomes heated. I pull back and tug at my sweatshirt that she's wearing. "I don't remember saying that you could borrow this you know." She smiles, there's that dimple, and replies "well I like it so I guess you'll have to take it from me." I love a challenge so I change our positions so that she's pinned under me. She grins up at me and says "ok, now what are you going to do?" I hadn't thought this through carefully enough although I have noticed that she's covered neck to toes and I'm naked.

I push her arms up and hold them over her head with one of my hands. Her lips are too tempting so I take them with my own. I try to keep a lazy pace but, when her hips push up against me, I can't keep it slow. I let go of her hands and strip my sweatshirt over her head. She's naked underneath so I sweep the pants off of her too; more bare skin. As I plunder her mouth, I push my hand between her legs and find her getting wet already. I dip two fingers inside and her hips between to grind against my hand. Wanting to replace my fingers with my mouth, I lift up but Sloan pushes me onto my back now and straddles me. When she leans her face closer to mine, I push her hair back from her face but her lips stop an inch from mine. "You took care of me last night, now it's my turn to take care of you" she tells me. I don't quite know what she's talking about because I enjoyed last night as much as she did but I'm not going to try and stop her. She kisses and licks her way down my chest and over my stomach. I prop my head up with a pillow so that I can watch her. She holds the base of my dick in her hand. With her tongue, she takes a slow lick up one side and then down the other. She repeats this twice more and I'm rock hard in her hand. Sloan closes her lips over the tip and I can feel her hot, wet tongue swirl over it.

She looks up at me as she now sucks on the tip then slowly takes more of me inside of her mouth. I watch as my dick disappears. Oh God, I try and concentrate on not blowing like a teenager; but, this woman knows what she's doing too well for me to hold out for long. "Sloan" I whisper and when she looks back up at me, I see in her eyes that she knows exactly what she's doing. I watch her pull my dick out of her mouth and then she licks it again; up and down then around and around the tip. She holds the base again but this time her mouth moves lower. Oh fuck, I've always wanted a woman to suck on my balls but have never had the nerve to ask. This woman just seems to know exactly what I want. As her lips open and I feel her tongue, I can't keep watching because my eyes are rolling back in my head. Her hand starts to stroke me as she sucks on my balls. It's too much. "Sloan" is all I can say and she moves her mouth back over my dick. Her hot and wet mouth continues to work me. I know I'm close so I say "Sloan" again but she keeps going and I cum in her mouth.

I can't move. It feels like every nerve in my body is on fire and my dick might be dead. This woman is going to kill me yet. I feel her settle beside me. "Are you alive in there Sid?" she says on a chuckle. I laugh back and reply "you are trying to kill me aren't you?" We both laugh now but I can already feel that I'm getting my second wind. I shift to my side and see that she's her naked body laid out for me. With my eyes on hers, I slide my hand between her legs and she is drenched. I've had so many of my fantasies fulfilled with Sloan that I decide to keep going. I take her hand and push it between her legs now. After dipping them inside, and hearing the sexist moan from Sloan, I pull her fingers out and to my lips to suck on them. Her eyes go wide and the gorgeous blue darkens. I lick her fingers clean and know that I'm only warming up.

* * *

I woke up at my usual 6am and was going to slip out as I usually do when I turned and saw Sidney sleeping. There was only a faint light in the room but I could make out his sharp cheekbones and his full lips. Suddenly, I didn't want to leave. There was so much work waiting for me but I couldn't leave so I borrowed some of Sid's sweats and went to his kitchen. He only had Gatorade and water in the fridge so I grabbed a Gatorade and answered emails on my Blackberry. When I was done, I was definitely hungry and Sid was still sleeping, so I went to a local diner and grabbed us breakfast. As I waited for the takeout, I tried to process what happened the night before. I couldn't and still can't. What I experienced with Sid was unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life. It terrified me but I still couldn't leave this morning. I know it will end, that's the inevitable result, but I can't let that happen just yet.

As Sidney begins kissing down my body, I'm brought back to present. How could I do anything else when his lips close over my nipple? I dive my fingers through his hair and enjoy the sensations. That's when I hear a ringing. What the hell? I look down at Sid and he's looking up at me. "It's not my phone" he says. Oh shit, it's my phone and it only rings, instead of vibrates, for a few people. I give Sid an apologetic look and reach for my phone on the side table. Double shit! It's my father and he's calling from a 412 number. Triple shit, he's in Pittsburgh. I answer it "Hi dad" and send another apologetic look to Sid. "Sloan, I'm at the arena. Don't you usually come in early?" I look at the clock and its 8:30am. I can't help but roll my eyes and feel like I'm twelve years old again. "Sometimes dad; it's a whole different schedule in hockey." He's quiet and I know in the silence is disapproval. That doesn't surprise me and neither does the fact that he didn't say hello, ask how I'm doing or even tell me that he was coming to Pittsburgh. "I'll be there in forty-five minutes" I tell him then hear the phone go dead. At least I brought an overnight bag and a change of clothes with me.

I get up and scurry into the bathroom with my bag. I'm half way in the shower when I hear Sid say "hey! Forget something?" I don't have time to stop so I simply yell back "so sorry Sid. That was my father and he's at Consol so I have to get there fast." I turn when Sid comes into the shower but keep washing my hair. "Didn't you know what time he wanted to meet you?" I dunk my head under the water to rinse so that I don't have to answer right away. How do I tell Sid that my father didn't even tell me that he was coming to Pittsburgh? When the soap is rinsed, I add conditioner and wash the rest of my body. "He wasn't sure what time he was going to be getting in last night so he didn't know what time he'd be up" I tell Sid. I dunk again to prevent the continuation of the conversation. When I'm rinsed, I give Sid a quick kiss and then leave him to bathe while I dry off. When he's done and has secured a towel around his waist I instantly regret that I have to rush off. Is there anything this man doesn't look good in? He comes behind me, puts his arms around my waist and kisses my shoulder. Now I desperately want to stay but know that I can't. "I'm really sorry Sidney." He props his chin on my shoulder as I finish with my mascara. "That's ok" he says. "I'm just happy to wake up to you and not a note from you." I look into his eyes in the mirror and see that he's genuine so I turn to face him. I kiss his lips and reply "so am I" and I realize that I am happy that I stayed. I give him another quick kiss then say "I really have to get going" then I dash off to the bedroom to dress. After one quick look in the mirror for a final assessment, I put all of my things back in my bag and notice that Sid is now dressed in jeans and a tee shirt.

He walks me downstairs and to the door. After helping me with my coat, Sid hugs me to him and then kisses me. "You're most likely going to be with your dad tonight huh?" he asks me. I have no idea but I reply "yeah, most likely." I turn to the door to go but go with my instinct and turn back to Sid. I kiss him soundly on the lips, the cheek and whisper in his ear "thank you for last night" then I run out the door. The normal trip from Sewickley takes longer because now I'm in rush hour traffic. I'm frazzled by the time I get to Consol so I take a quick moment to myself in the car. Some deep breathing and lipstick helps me settle so I get out of the car and head to my office first. After dropping my things and quickly rearranging my schedule to accommodate whatever my father needs, I take a deep breath and head to the executive offices. As I get closer to my father's office, I hear laughter coming from it and know that he's not alone inside. I take another deep breath and put on the company smile then head through the door.

Inside I see my dad sitting in a plush leather chair with Mario in a matching one. Ray Shero and David Moorehouse sit on the sofa. All of the men are drinking coffee and look like they are casually catching up. I know my dad well; there is nothing casual about the situation. He likes to make people feel comfortable because then they'll tell you more than they otherwise would. When he sees me, I see a flicker of annoyance flash in his eyes as he then glances at his watch but my father puts his own smile on and stands to greet me. He gives me a hug and says "there's my girl." I know that this is really for the benefit of the others in the room. Dad is all about the optics. "Hi Dad" I say and then greet the other men. My father gestures for me to sit and join them, so I do. "How's my girl doing David?" dad asks. He wouldn't ask me of course. "Sloan has done so much for us in only four weeks Ron. We are firing on all cylinders in communications. The dead weight is gone and the new ideas are flourishing. The press is under thumb and happy. I don't know how she did both but it's a miracle." We all laugh and I notice that Mario is looking between my father and me thoughtfully but then I'm pulled back to the conversation.

We continue to talk about the team and the dialog turns to the players. I'm sure someone in my job normally wouldn't be part of this conversation but my position is hardly 'normal' so everyone speaks freely. The talk is general at first: how the defense is improving over last year; how the new players are doing; and what are we doing to fix the power play. Finally, they discuss individuals and the talk turns to Sid. "What about Crosby? Is he going to shake off that rust soon?" my father asks. I know that Sid hasn't played stellar, well for him that is, but he's still the best player on the ice. Ray speaks now and says "in his last two games, he's steadily improved. With the way he's skating, he's going to have his best year ever Ron." Everyone in the room seems to agree. "I always had slow starts Ron" Mario says now. "It's expected but Sid will put it into overdrive very soon." That seems to end that conversation and they switch to talking about other players. They dissect and debate the line up and talk about future acquisitions. Ray is always looking to improve the roster and he has a few moves in mind but wants to wait until we get closer to the trade deadline. He needs to see what is specifically missing or needed.

"Hey, there he is!" my father exclaims and gets up. I turn and watch Sid walk through the door. Oh God, tell me this isn't really happening. I manage to keep a neutral smile on my face while everyone greets Sid and he sits down to join us. My father asks about the start of the season but I'm having a hard time paying attention. There is a buzzing in my ears as I think about how surreal this moment is; two hours ago I had Sid's dick in my mouth and now we're having coffee with my father and the other Penguin brass. It is definitely surreal. I hear my name and give myself a mental shake. "The media scrums are much easier now. Sloan implemented some new guidelines that make it simpler on everyone I think" Sid tells my father and then smiles at me. I can tell that he's trying to keep it normal and neutral too. Who knew we were such good actors? "Which reminds me" Sid continues and looks at me. "Sloan, do you have the revised schedule for the Little Penguins? I misplaced mine." I grab onto the lifeline that Sid throws me and reply "sure I do. Would you like it before practice or I could bring it after if you like?" My, aren't we so polite in front of the others. "If you wouldn't mind, now would be good." I want to kiss Sid right there and then for saying that but I simply agree and we say good bye to the group. My father says to me "let's catch up later Sloan." I nod and know that everyone in the room heard an off-the-cuff comment but I know it was a command.

Sid and I walk to my office in silence. When we're inside, he shuts the door and I collapse on my sofa. Sid does the same in a chair. We catch each other's eye and then start giggling like school kids. "That was the most surreal thing that I have ever been through" Sid says. "That's exactly what I thought when I saw you come through the door" I reply. "All I could think about was that I had your dick my mouth two hours ago and now we're talking in my father's office all professional-like." We laugh again. "When I got to the locker room, Jen told me that Mario asked if I could spare a few minutes to come upstairs. I didn't realize it was to see your dad and everyone else too." Sid checks his watch and says "I really have to go to practice." We both get up and I walk him to the door. Before he opens it, he kisses me softly and says "I'm sorry our morning was interrupted but thank you for a great night." I can only smile at him. After a moment, I pull back so that he can open the door and there is my father walking up to my office. "Thanks Sloan" Sid says and walks down the hall. "Hi" I say to my father. "Did you want to see me?" I move back to let him in and, after entering, he shuts the door. He walks farther into the room and then turns to me. "What do you think you're doing Sloan?" Oh God! He knows about Sid.


	24. Chapter 24

_**Author's Note: thank you all for your wonderful comments. I love reading what you think of the story and what is going to happen next. I truly appreciate it.**_

* * *

Practice was good and the guys were all in a great mood. Winning can do that for you and the game against the Rangers really put us in a good mood. They were heralded to be one of the ones to beat this year now that they have Nash. Beating them was a great boost to our confidence. We have New Jersey coming in tomorrow and we're ready. I look around the locker room and don't see Sloan. She wasn't here for the media scrum and I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong with her. The vibe between her and Ron was off. I've come to know Sloan really well now and she was covering for more than our relationship in her dad's office. She seemed to feel strained and there was tightness in her whole body. Most wouldn't have noticed. To everyone else, I'm sure she looked calm and relaxed. I've seen her truly relaxed and that wasn't it. I learned from Mario that Ron's grocery negotiations were concluded and that's why he was able to come to Pittsburgh. Usually he would be here at the beginning of the season but it wasn't possible this year. I've always liked Ron. He's a brilliant businessman and I know that Mario has a lot of respect for him too. Now that I've seen Sloan and Ron together I can't shake the feeling that something is off there. Maybe it's part of the secret Sloan's keeping.

As I shower and change, I wonder if I should wander back upstairs to the offices or leave it alone for now. This new 'phase' of our relationship is fragile and I don't want to come on too strong for Sloan. I text her 'r u ok' and wait for something back. It takes a few minutes but she texts back 'yay, busy, I'll catch up with u later.' I feel like I've been brushed aside or dismissed but I tell myself that I'm imagining things now. If you look for problems then you'll find them, Nana Forbes always says. "Sid" I hear my named called and see that it's Mario. I head over and he says "Nathalie is doing a family dinner so you have to be there of course. Say seven?" I haven't spent much time with the Lemieuxs the past couple of weeks and Sloan will be busy with her father so I say "definitely." We talk a little bit about the Devils and then head our separate ways. I'm really looking forward to tonight's dinner.

* * *

"What do you think you're doing Sloan?" my father says to me. Of course the first thing I think of is that he knows about Sid and me but I wait him out. My father loves the dramatic pause. "When I talked to Mario, he said that you haven't spent any time with him and Nathalie. He is my business partner and I would expect you to represent our family, and me, while you're in Pittsburgh. You could have at least taken them out to dinner." Of course this is what he's worried about. Again, with my father, it's all about the optics and I haven't been making him look good to his partner; in his eyes at least. I take a deep breath so that I can speak calmly. "Dad, you asked me to come here to do a job. That's what I've been doing. Your communications department was in shambles, the media run amuck and the players frustrated. It's been three weeks since I got here. The department is being rebuilt, the media is under control and the players couldn't be happier." I guess he can sense my frustration because he gestures for me to sit down and he follows me. "Sloan, I know you had a big job here; but, you know that the relationship with the Lemieuxs is important. I've smoothed that over and we're having dinner at their house tonight. Be there at 7pm." With that last comment, he gets up and leaves my office; another pronouncement from the great Ron Burkle.

I sit at my desk and collect myself. My phone goes off and it's Sid asking how I am. How do I even answer that question? I message back that I'm fine and that I'll connect with him later. Mario's house is around the corner from Sid's so maybe I'll stop by after dinner. I'll definitely need a little stress relief afterward. I don't feel like I can focus so I decide to look at the website and see the upgrades that Sam and his team have been making. It's definitely easier to navigate and the pictures of the players on the splash pages look much better. They are incorporated now rather than an afterthought. I send Sam an email giving him that feedback and then I concentrate on going through the rest of my emails. One in particular catches my eye. Damnit, Ian has stepped all over himself. I know that David and Ray asked me to mentor the guy but he's proving to be more than a pain in the ass. If he can't see an angle to look good then he delegates or ignores the task altogether. Now it's starting to piss off the Roots Sports people. I read through the thread of emails between Ian and Roots where I'm copied. It looks like Roots has copied me and not Ian. Great, he's pissing off our greatest media supporter so badly that they are escalating the issue to me. I want to avoid Ian altogether and go right to Roots myself but that doesn't teach him anything and they did ask me to mentor the guy. I decide to call him instead and see if I can reason with him. He answers the phone quickly.

"Hello gorgeous! Now my day is on the right track." I cringe at the slime coming through the phone at me. "Hi Ian. I was reading the emails you exchanged with the Roots people. Would you bring me up to date on how it's progressing?" He chuckles and replies "everything is on track. They need to come around on a couple of things but we're on track." I can't decide if he's that conceded or that stupid; doesn't matter. "Ian, in case you didn't notice in the emails, I was copied on the last string between you and Roots." I leave that a moment to sink in; looks like he's stupid if he didn't notice. "They have escalated it to me so I need to know where we are with this project." He chuckles at my comment and says "it's just taken me a little while to get them on side with what we want. I don't know why they included you in the emails but I'll have them agreeing in no time." Ok, it looks like he's stupid and conceded. After spending time with my father today, I'm not in the mood for Ian. "Ian, this has now been escalated to me so I need to get involved. Roots has three concerns that they have clearly outlined in their email. I want to see concrete plans for how you are going to address these concerns, and by plan I mean specific tasks, dates and accountabilities, by 6pm tomorrow. You can come by my office and walk me through it." I decide that I don't want to hear any more from him so I continue "I need to go, I'll see you tomorrow" and then I disconnect.

The day went from bad to worse after that: we had the website go down when someone tried to change the new formatting; the NHL demanded a conference call to discuss a co-sponsored event; and I was sporting a raging headache. All I want to do now is go to the hotel and soak in the tub but I'm pulling up to the Lemieuxs' home for a tedious dinner of pretending everything is great. I take a deep breath and ring the doorbell. Nathalie answers and we chat as she leads me toward their great room. It's dominated by a huge fireplace and a comfortable conversation area with plush sofas. I see my father who immediately gets up and kisses my cheek. Best manners and façade is first on the menu I guess. After greeting Mario and meeting the kids, I settle on the sofa and to listen to my father recount the closure of the contracts he just negotiated. The bell rings and Nathalie goes to answer it. When I hear a familiar voice, I glance at the hall to see Nathalie coming in saying "since when did you start ringing the doorbell Sidney?" That is when I see Sid coming in behind her. Great, now I need to pretend that I like my father and I'm not sleeping with Sid. This doesn't bode well for my headache.

I've never been so glad to have three teenagers in the room in my entire life. They start talking to Sid about Austin's team, he plays hockey of course, so I'm drawn into that conversation. It's obvious that Sid is incredibly close to Mario's kids. Of course he would be after living here for so many years. He's genuinely interested in what each of them has to say and knows a lot of their interests. When he tells them that I worked in Hollywood, the kids start asking me about my 'famous' clients. They're Mario Lemieux's kids but they want to know about the actors I know; too funny. I tell them about some of my clients, those who are public about their publicists, and tell them some benign stories I know they'll like. We're all laughing when Nathalie announces that dinner is ready. Sid and I are the last to leave the room and, when I know we're out of earshot, I ask "what are you doing here?" Sid whispers back "Mario told me they were having a family dinner. I didn't know you and your dad would be here." We look at each other and, as frustrated as I feel, I can't help but smile at our absurd situation. Sid smiles back and then we have to stop because we're near the dining room.

While we're eating, Nathalie tells my farther how great I've been doing with the Pens and how lucky Mario and David say they are to have me. My replies "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree of course." I smile at him, knowing that's what he expects and, being too used to his ways, it doesn't bother me that he takes credit for my accomplishments. It wouldn't cross his mind that I had talent of my own. It has to be because I'm his daughter. I feel a hand on my thigh under the table. It's Sid of course, who is seated next to me. His hand isn't stroking or even moving; he simply lays it there for a few moments and then it's gone. I don't dare look at him right now. It's odd how he seemed to know I needed reassuring or comfort without my even saying anything. With that one moment, I'm able to get through the rest of meal and even manage to join in on the conversation.

After dinner, we're back in the family room when my father announces that he needs to leave because he's flying out first thing in the morning to New York. He has a house in the neighbourhood so his driver will take him there. Sid and I decide to leave too. I know that I need sleep. My headache has gotten worse and I definitely need quiet and sleep. Out at the cars, my father gives me a hug when he says goodbye and then gets into his car. I say goodnight to Sid and the Lemieuxs then get into my car. I don't make it a block before Sid calls me. "Hi" I say. "Come over" is all Sid says and hangs up. That's really not like him, to be terse or hang up, so I head to his house and arrive shortly after he does. He doesn't say anything as I follow him into the house and down the hall to the kitchen. He goes to the fridge and takes out two bottles of water. After handing me one, he drinks from his own and paces the kitchen. I've never seen Sidney like this and don't know what to say or do. I drink from my own bottle and wait.

* * *

I was very surprised to see Sloan and Ron at the Lemieuxs. When I asked, she indicated that she'd be with her dad for the evening. I guess she could have meant at Mario's. The evening started well. I had time to catch up with the kids and Sloan joined in. She seemed relaxed then so I dismissed the tension I thought I felt from her when I initially came in the room. That was before dinner. There were a few, although very subtle, jabs from Ron aimed at his daughter. First, he joked about her "little PR firm in LA" as if it was a hobby. Then, when Nathalie was complimenting Sloan on her work with the Pens, Ron belittled her again. I don't know how Sloan kept the smile on her face when I could feel the tension radiating from her. I took a risk and touched her thigh under the table. I couldn't sit there and do nothing. I've never seen Ron like this, ever. There's definitely something going on here.

There was no way that I was letting her drive home when she was so tired and pale. I basically told her to come to my house. It verified for me just how tired she is that she didn't argue. Now she's just standing there while I pace the floor and figure out what to say. I stop in front of her and we're the same height in those tall heels she always wears. Having no idea what to say, I go with my instincts and kiss her. She's resists for a moment but then melts into the slow meeting of our lips. That seemed to work so I go with my next instinct and pick her up. Her arms go around my neck and I feel her eyes on me. I take her up to my bedroom and sit her on the bed. She's still pale and I can see circles under her eyes. I go into the dresser and grab a tee shirt then give it to her. She looks at it for a moment and then up at me. "Sloan, you're almost asleep on your feet. We didn't get much sleep last night and then you had a long stressful day today. Someday, and that better be soon, I want to hear at least some of what I saw today with your dad; but, for right now, let's just crawl into bed and get some sleep." I see her eyes get wet. She stands and takes the shirt from me then puts her arms around me. We simply hold each other, I have no idea for how long, and then she pulls back, smiles at me and heads to the bathroom. I know that she doesn't have anything with her so I call out "there's a spare toothbrush under the sink."

I put on the NHL network to catch some scores while I undress. I'm in my shorts when she comes out with her clothes folded over her arm and wearing my tee shirt. She looks even more vulnerable now that she's washed her face clean of make-up and she has her hair up in an elastic. I have to tell my dick to calm down because tonight we both just need sleep. The game against the Devils tomorrow is going to be tough and I need a full eight hours the night before game day. After I take care of my own business, I come back to the bedroom and she's in bed scrolling through her Blackberry. I climb into bed, turn off the TV, take her phone and turn it off too and then the lights. She slides under the covers and hesitantly closer to me. I pull her to me and we cuddle in to sleep. I hear her breathing slow and know that she's out. I can't stop my brain from thinking.

She's told me that she has a past and it was bad. I know that when she was in that small room and Tom got aggressive then she freaked out. I draw the logical conclusion that something happened with a man. What I can't put together is her strained relationship with Ron. Oh fuck!? It can't be Ron who did something to Sloan! Could that be why she never talks about him and was like a stranger with him today? Actually, I think she's warmer and friendlier with strangers. Ok, no, that doesn't make sense. She was tense with him but didn't cringe from him like she didn't want to be touched. No matter what Ron might have done, there's no way that he could have laid a hand on his kids. That divorce brought out all of the dirty laundry. I read that they each had private detectives and accused each other of some vile things, including ignoring the children, so if Ron had done something then his ex-wife would have sussed it out and brought it into court. She wasn't above using the kids to get more money and did. I feel a little better eliminating that from the list of possibilities. So what is it that haunts her? How do I help her? I try to put it aside so that I can get some sleep. I manage to do just that and fall asleep quickly.

When I wake up the next morning, I'm alone with a note. I'm not surprised. Looking at the clock, I see that it's 8:30am and Sloan needed to go to her hotel to shower and dress and then would want to be in early. As I lean over to grab the note, I can still smell her on the pillow. Grateful that there is no one to see me, I push my face into the pillow and breathe deeply. My morning wood gets harder. Even her scent does it to me. I chuckle at how easy I am for this girl. Reading the note makes me chuckle again. It simply says 'thank you, S' and that's it. At least I know that this time she really did have to get to work early and wasn't running away; or at least I hope that's true.


	25. Chapter 25

Sidney was incredible last night. I just couldn't handle any more yesterday and Sid knew it. I forgot how good it is to have someone take care of you. Actually, I don't know if I've ever had someone take care of me like Sid has since I've known him. It terrifies me to let him in like this because I know that I'm leaving at the end of the season. I guess I can either got with it or stop it now. Since I don't think I could stop if I wanted to, and I don't want to, so I'm going to go with it as long as I'm here.

I felt bad that I had to leave so early but it is a game day which means there is a lot to do for the game. Of course the rest of the work doesn't go away because there's a game. I just finished my game day team meeting and everyone is on their way. I'm really impressed with the way the team has taken control of their new responsibilities and roles. Sam has taken to being a team leader so well. Katie is embracing her role leading the In the Room project. The interns have even stepped up their game too. The team is coming together. Soon I'm going to have to find my replacement, well, a replacement for Tom. They don't need someone as experienced as I am.

I manage to take a break to watch some of the practice. I started finding it relaxing to watch practice. The skates on the ice, the slapping of the puck, even the whistles are soothing to me. I must be going crazy to find this soothing. Dan doesn't like something so he blows his whistle. The guys reset and start again. Dan must like what he sees this time because the next group goes too. I see some of the Devils' players at the tunnel watching. This is one thing I still find weird; they are ok with the opposing team watching practices. It's not just the Pens, every team is ok with it. I guess they all watch video of each other so it's about who can execute. Who cares if they watch you practice then?

When practice is done, Sid stays on the ice with Kris. I have no idea what they're setting up right now. Sid is in front of the net and it looks like Kris is about to shoot pucks at him. I watch as Kris shoots the puck. Sid hits it out of the air and redirects it into the net. Then he does the next one and the next one. I can't even follow the puck with my eyes so I have no idea how Sid is picking it out of the air with his stick. It's crazy just how good he is; I can't believe it. "He's amazing, isn't he?" I turn and see Mario sitting behind me. I didn't even hear him sit down. "Mario, I can't even see the puck. I have no idea how he's doing it." Mario laughs and replies "from doing what he's doing right now. Practice, practice and more practice. When they're out there they can't think out it. They just do it. They just react." It makes sense. "Your father left?" Mario asks me. We both know that he already knows the answer. "Yes, early this morning." I wait to see where Mario is going with this but he only says "we really appreciate everything you're doing here Sloan." He pats my shoulder as he stands and goes back up. For a moment, Mario looked like he was going to say something but must have decided against it. I see why Mario and Sid are so close. They have the same temperament and similar personality; that quiet strength, so reassuring to those around them. I know that I feel it when I'm with either of them.

I see Geno come back out to the ice and he waves me down. When I get to the seats by the tunnel, Geno opens a door I didn't know was there to let me onto the Pens bench. "I want to say thank you" Geno says. When he doesn't say more, I ask "for what?" He smiles "no more reporters call my parents." I forgot all about that with the other issues I've been dealing with these days. "You're welcome Geno. When they get here for the playoffs then I'll see if they want to do an interview with Roots but if they don't we are not under any obligation." He smiles his unique lopsided, goofy grin and says "spasibo" then heads down the tunnel. I turn to the ice in time to see Kris and Sid cleaning up the pucks. I don't know why I'm surprised to see them doing that but I always am. I guess I would have thought that there would be someone else who would take care of the pucks and not million dollar players. When they come off the ice, they both stop where I'm standing. "Hi guys, ready for tonight?" I ask. Kris laughs and says "elle nous donne quelque chose à jouer pour." Amused, I reply "je suis tellement content que je peux aider " and both Kris and Sid look stunned at me. "Oui, je parle Français." Kris laughs and Sid shakes his head. I may not speak Quebec French but my Paris French is flawless. Kris heads down the tunnel to the locker room. Sid pauses beside me and softly asks "tonight?" I look at him surprised, I thought he'd be too tired after the game but say "sure." We grin for a moment at each other and then he heads to the locker room.

I look at my watch and see that I have a little time before my meeting so I head to the locker room to watch the media scrum. The press has just been led into the room as I approach it. I hang back and watch the scene. To an outsider it might look like chaos but I can see the organization of it. It's choreographed perfectly. Jennifer is really coming into her own. She has complete control of the room and the interns are in the right places. The players and reporters are intense and then, when time is called, the reporters leave to file their stories and the players are stripping off their gear. It's a great accomplishment for Jennifer and her team. When she's finished, I call her over. "Hi Jen, how do think the scrum went?" She looks at me surprised and says "um, well, it went well, I think." I'm reminded again at how badly Tom treated these people that they are so unsure at a simple question about their performance. "Well Jen, I think it's working really well. You have control of the room and both the players and the reporters have settled into the process. Congratulations to you and your team." I look at Jen and she's beaming. I have to remember to give the team more feedback on how they're doing to continue to build their confidence. I say goodbye to Jen and head up to my office for my meeting. The rest of the day will be quiet until the doors open for the game. Damn, I have that meeting with Ian before the game. I really don't want to meet with that slime. Hopefully it will be quick and then I can focus on the game.

* * *

I stopped by Sloan's office before leaving the rink and she was in a meeting so I just went home for my nap. I'm so glad that she agreed to come over after the game. We'll probably have the day off tomorrow since we don't play for two days and then we have a road trip. We just had warm ups on the ice and are waiting to go out for the start of the game. The room is quiet as it usually is before a game. Dan comes in to give us the last minute talk of what to focus on then we just wait for the signal to go. Everyone has their own routines before we go out to the ice. I sit at my stall until I see the guys start to go out. Geno wipes the whiteboard with the opposing team's line up, we do our handshake and then we get in line to go out. I see Sloan standing to the side and she looks odd; very tense like she was last night with her dad. I know he left so I don't know what this is about. I catch her eye and she smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. Something is definitely wrong.

As I hit the ice, I put everything but the game out of my mind. I focus on the puck, the ice and the net. The first period goes by without a goal. Both Flower and Brodeur are hot and stop everything thrown at them. We got some good chances but nothing went in. At the intermission, Dan talks about staying the course and it'll go in; we just need to keep doing what we're doing. He's right because when we get on the ice again, I find Sutter near the net, make a pass and he shoots it in only two minutes into the second period. Four minutes later, Kuni is all alone on a breakaway and then it's 2-0. We got a little sloppy on the power play and the Devils get a short-handed goal at the end of the second period. I hate these goals he most because there's no fucking reason for a short-handed goal. You have to fuck up for them to get a short-handed goal. We go into the third period pissed off about that Devils goal which means goals; first Tanger, then me and then Bortuzzo. We end the game winning 5-1. We talk to the media first and I see Sloan standing at the doors. She looks less tense and more tired now. I'll have to take care of her tonight. Of course that thought sends my mind in interesting directions and I miss the last question so I bring my attention back to the press.

When the media scrum is done, the team does its ritual of awarding the helmet to the best player of the game. It goes to Kuni who got a goal and two assists. I see that Sloan is still at the door but is being pulled away by Ian from marketing. The mood of the room is light and the music blaring while everyone cools down on the bikes and then showers. I'm the last one out, as usual, and I text Sloan to see if she's still around. When I don't hear back, I head up to the offices. There shouldn't be anyone up there now but I bet Sloan went to do some work while she waited for me to finish. We really need to do something relaxing soon. I know we can't go out but I should be able to think of something that we can do. I'm always practicing or working out and she's always working. I'll have to think of something.

As I get closer to Sloan's office, I see the light coming from the half opened door. Exactly where I thought she'd be. About six feet from her door, I stop in my tracks when I hear a muffled cry. It's coming from Sloan's office so I run to her door and throw it open. I'm stunned for a second. Ian has Sloan pushed over her desk. His hand is over her mouth and his body is pushed over hers. Her shirt is ripped open. She's thrashing about to break free and trying to scream through Ian's hand. I notice all of this in a second and it only takes me two more to get to Sloan. I pull Ian off and, before I can think, I punch him once, twice, three times before he falls to the ground. He could be knocked out, he could be dead for all I care, I turn from him go to Sloan. She's sitting up now. Her face is white except for a welt on her cheek. I reach for her and she shrinks back like I just burned her. Her eyes are wild and she looks terrified. For a moment, I don't know what to do. I stay where I am and try to catch her eyes. When they are finally on mine, I say "Sloan, it's me, Sidney." She's still not really focusing. "Sloan, come on baby, look at me. It's Sidney." She finally focuses on me and whispers "Sidney?" I hear people in the hall so I quickly take off my jacket and put it around her before she can pull away more. Just as I'm doing that, Sam comes in the door with Beth. "What's going on?" Sam asks. "Is Sloan ok?" Beth asks at the same time. I gesture for them to come over and they gasp when they see Ian on the floor then glance at me. "Ian attacked Sloan." They're stunned and look down at Ian. I pull out my phone and call Mario. When he answers I say "come up to Sloan's office; urgently." He replies "on my way." I hear Ian moan and say to Sam "make sure he's fine but keep him here. Mario is on his way."

I touch Sloan's arm and she jumps back with a cry. This time, instead of touching her, I gesture for her to follow me and lead her to her washroom. When we're inside, I shut the door and turn to her. Her hair is half out of her bun. Her shirt has clearly been ripped open. As I look down, I see that her stockings are ripped. Oh God! I'm desperate to ask if he … I can't even think it never mind ask but I just have to know. "Sloan" I say as gently as I can. When she looks at me, her eyes still huge and her face impossibly pale. "Sloan, did he?" I can't even finish my question. She stares at me but shakes her head. Thank God. If he'd, done that, then I'd have to kill him. I take one of the towels and wet it. When I try to touch her, again she cringes away. It's killing me to see her like this; she's terrified. "Baby, you're very pale. They towel is cool. Let me wipe your face a little, ok?" She looks from me to the towel and then back again. When she nods, I slowly wipe her face with the cool towel. She has a little colour come back into her face now. There's a knock on the door and Sloan scurries back to the wall again. "Stay here baby. I'll come back, ok?" She looks between me and the door a few times and then nods.

I open the door and slip out. Mario is there but he's the only one in the room. "What happened?" he asks me softly. I pull him away from the door so that Sloan can't hear us. "Mario, when I came in, he had her pushed over the desk and was trying to …" I can't even finish it. I see the question in Mario's eyes so I shake my head and he lets out a breath he's been holding. "She does have a welt on her cheek like he hit her. Her clothes are torn up. Mario, she's terrified; not just scared, terrified. I need to get her out of here without anyone seeing her. I'm sure that you've called the police but she can't talk to anyone right now. It's like she's in shock. We don't have practice tomorrow so I'm going to take her to my place. She's comfortable there and" I stop realizing what I just said. Mario gives me a small smile. "Sid, I've known you for seven years. You lived in my house for most of those years. Don't you think that I know there's something going on between you and Sloan?" I guess I should have known he'd figure it out. "Sid, the police need to talk to her. Ian has been taken to the hospital so they want to talk to you too. We have the paramedics here to look at Sloan." I think for a moment. "Ok, let's have the police come in here, only one. I'll sit with her. I don't think she's up to the paramedics too. Mario, I'm not exaggerating, she's terrified." He nods and heads out of the office so I go back into the bathroom. Sloan must have been sitting on the toilet lid because she scurries up and against the wall. "It's me" I tell her. She has a little more colour to her face but she's still pale and clearly scared.

"Sloan" I say and her eyes come back to mine. Oh God, I don't want to tell her this part. "The police are here" I tell her; her eyes get wide and she shakes her head. "It's ok baby, I'll be right beside you. There is going to be one officer, we'll talk to them and then we'll go home, ok? It'll be over quickly." I say that part praying that it's true. When I open the door, Sloan clutches my arm. I much prefer this to her cringing from me. I see the police officer, it's a woman and she's sitting in a chair by the sofa. I lead Sloan over and we sit on the sofa together. She hasn't let go of my arm the whole time. "Mr. Crosby, Ms. Burkle, I'm sorry to have to do this now but we'll be as quick as we can, ok?" We both look at Sloan and she nods slightly. The officer opens her pad and says "can you tell me what happened Ms. Burkle?" Sloan nods and it's then I realize that, except for saying my name, Sloan hasn't said anything since I got here. "I, um, had a meeting with him earlier, before the game. It didn't go well. He was very angry." Sloan pauses here. The officer nods and asks "what was the meeting about?" Why the fuck does that matter? Sloan continues "um, he and I were working on something and I told him to put a plan together to present to me at the meeting. He met me but didn't have the plan. When I questioned him about it, he was cocky at first but then he got angry that I was questioning him." She pauses for a moment and I hand her my bottle of water that I forgot I had in my pocket until now. Sloan sips and then continues. "Anyway, I told him that I would have to talk to his manager about it and we would discuss it in the morning. It was almost game time." She pauses again and the officer let's her take her own time. When Sloan begins again, she's clutching my arm tighter. "After the game, outside the locker room, he said that he wanted to talk to me. We came up to my office; he didn't want to talk downstairs. I went to my desk. When I turned around, he punched me and I feel back against my desk." She sobs now and I just want to put a stop to this but I know it has to be done. "He ripped open my shirt, pushed open my legs and put his hand over my mouth when I tried to scream. I tried to get him off, I did, but I just couldn't" and she sobs on the last word again. I desperately want to put my arm around her and hold her tight but I don't know how she would react to that. The officer turns to me and asks "is that when you came in Mr. Crosby?" My turn I guess so I tell her what happened, including when I punched Ian. "Do you usually go to the offices after the game Mr. Crosby?" Ok, this is delicate. "Not usually, no; sometimes if I'm looking for Mario. This time I saw Sloan leave after the media scrum and came up here to find her." Not a lie and as close to the truth as I'm going to get. I'm a master of the non-answer answer. The officer nods and says "Ms. Burkle, are you sure that you don't want to see the paramedics?" Sloan answers "I don't want them, no. I just want to go home." The office stands and says "we may need to talk again but that's all for tonight. Please rethink the paramedics Ms. Burkle." After her last comment, she leaves the office, shutting the door behind her.

I can't stand it anymore so I detach Sloan's grip on my arm and pull her into me. She resists for a moment then clings to me, tight. A few minutes later, Mario comes in and says softly "everyone is gone." Sloan, startled, looks up at Mario with wide eyes. Mario doesn't know what to say after that so I say "come on Sloan. I'm going to take you to my place." She nods and, after we stand, grabs my arm again. Mario says "I've cleared everything from here to your car Sid. Please text me when you get home and I'll talk to you in the morning. Don't either of you come in here tomorrow, ok?" Sloan doesn't respond but I mouth 'thanks' to him. True to his word, we don't see anyone all the way to my car. I help Sloan into the passenger side and have to put her seatbelt on for her. She curls into herself in the seat. I get in quickly and try to make it the fastest drive home ever. As I think back over the night, I can't believe what's happened. It's crazy; truly crazy. I would never say this out loud, and I'm sure it is incredibly traumatic to be attacked as Sloan was, but her reaction seems extreme to me. I mean she was terrified like someone was trying to kill her. Fuck, I feel like an asshole even think that; I don't know what that kind of helplessness is like so I really shouldn't think this way.

I make the drive home in record time. When I open the passenger door, Sloan is staring straight ahead like she's in an awake coma. Going on instinct again, I lift her into my arms and she settles in them. I take her into the house and up to my bedroom. When I put her on the bed, she whimpers and softly says "shower." She doesn't move so I pick her up again and take her to the bathroom. I place her on the counter then turn the shower on. Coming back to Sloan, I see that she hasn't moved an inch. Going with instinct again, I take my jacket off of her and then her shirt. I help her stand and continue to undress her. As I pull off her bra, she cringes and I can see bruises coming up on her back. I feel an incredible rage that I've never felt in my entire life. I take a few deep breaths to calm down and lead Sloan to the shower. "Do you want me to help you?" I ask her softly. She looks at me blankly, at the shower, and then back at me. "No" is all she says and steps in. While she showers, I pick up all of her clothes and take them to the bedroom. I don't want to leave them out since they're ripped so I put them in my closet and take out a tee shirt and a pair of work out shorts for her. After putting them on the bathroom counter, I head back to the bedroom and strip down to my shorts. I turn down the bed and then text Mario. We go back and forth a bit and he tells me to let him know if we need anything. Right now I just want to focus on Sloan and we'll figure the rest out later.

As I look at the bed, I think oh shit, should I put a shirt on? Maybe I should sleep in one of the spare rooms. I'm still trying to figure out what to do when I realize that she's been in there for a very long time. I head back to the bathroom and hear the shower still going. I enter and head toward the shower when I see her, sitting in the corner of the shower hugging her knees to her chest. It breaks my heart to see her in this much pain. She's rocking back and forth and muttering to herself. I reach in and turn off the water. Sloan doesn't even know that I'm there. Crouching down in front of her, I can finally make out what she's saying. "Not again, not again, not again, not again, not again, not again, not again" over and over she says this. What does she mean 'not again;' oh fuck! This has happened to her before!


	26. Chapter 26

It breaks my heart to find Sloan huddled on the floor of the shower. She's broken, absolutely broken, and when I hear her say "not again" over and over, I'm rocked. She's had this happen to her before? Oh my God! I don't want to scare her so I dip my head until I can look in her eyes. When I know she's looking at me and actually seeing me, I say "come on baby, let's get you out of here." She looks around as if seeing where she is for the first time. When she finally moves, I help her stand and lead her out of the shower. Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around her. When she just stands there, I rub her dry including her hair. She's shivering so I grab the tee shirt and pull it over her head. I lead her into the bed and, after sitting her on the bed, I grab a sweat shirt and pants from a drawer and dress her. She's stopped shivering finally.

"Do you want anything?" I ask her. "Some tea?" She shakes her head, turns and climbs into bed. I'm not sure what to do. Should I go to the spare room? Should I climb in with her? "Um, I can sleep in the spare room if you want?" I ask her. She looks confused but then pulls back the covers for me to get in. Relieved, I climb in beside her after turning off the lights. I lay on my back and, after a few seconds, I feel Sloan shift toward me so I open my arms and she cuddles into me. I'm relieved again. I stroke her hair and she whispers "thank you." Between the game and everything that's happened since, I'm exhausted but can't seem to settle. I can tell that Sloan's awake too. I have a million questions going through my head right now. What happened to her before? Has she been attacked like tonight? Worse? Who did it? And the better be dead! We lay in silence for a long while. I want to ask all the questions swirling in my head but I won't. There is no way in hell that I'm making this night any worse for Sloan. She'll tell me in her own time and in her own way. I need to be patient. It's not about me; this is about Sloan and what she needs.

"It happened before" Sloan whispers. I stay quiet and continue to stroke her hair. "When I worked for my father's company, I met a man. He was a favourite of my father and was quickly climbing through the company. My father was definitely grooming him. Anyway, we dated for a while and he was incredible. At first we were worried what my father would say since we both worked at the company but my father was thrilled. Anyway, we got to the point where we decided to move in together. Everything was great and we were doing so well. One night, I came home after being out with friends and found him waiting up for me. He demanded to know where I was and who I was with. I was stunned by how angry he was so I didn't say anything right away. He started yelling at me so I told him I was with friends. He called me a liar, grabbed my arms and started shaking me. When I begged him to stop and told him that it was the truth, he hit me. I was stunned. He immediately begged me to forgive him. He had a horrible day at work and the stress was getting to him. When he came home and found me gone, he worried where I was and if I was ok. I thought I'd told him I was going to be out but maybe I forgot. He begged me again to forgive him. I thought it was just because he was worried and was having trouble at work. He would never, ever hurt me deliberately, so I forgave him and we moved on." She stops talking now and is so still that I wonder if she's gone to sleep. I don't say anything because I can't talk; I'm stunned by what she's telling me.

She takes a deep breath suddenly and continues. "I had to stay home from work a few days until I was able to cover the bruising with make-up. He was so attentive for the next few weeks. It was like that night had never happened and I put it behind me figuring it was just a bad night. He had so much pressure at work. My father was grooming him and there was so much on his shoulders. Then it happened again. We went to a party for a movie premier and we were separated for a little while. It happens at these things. Suddenly, he was beside me with a smile and an apology for the people I was talking to for pulling me away. I didn't say anything because his fingers were digging deep in my arm. When we were in the car, he drove fast and didn't say a word all the way home. I followed him into the house and didn't even see it coming when he whirled around and hit me. I fell to the floor and he grabbed me by the hair and pulled me further down the hall. This time he continued to hit me and called me filthy names. He said I was a whore and flirted with every man there. I should know better than to disrespect him in front of others. When he was done, I lay on the floor and couldn't move. I was too stunned or in too much pain or maybe both. He came back a few minutes later and pulled me up. He told me that he was sorry and that I really need to stop making him do this to me. I knew that he had a lot of stress at work and that he hated it when I flirted with other men. He said that he hated himself for doing this to me and I really needed to behave better so that he could stop." She pauses again for a moment.

"I knew in part of my brain that he was wrong and that I hadn't really done anything but I, well, he convinced me it was my fault. The next weeks went the same way. He had more and more stressful days at work and took it out on me at home. He got better at making sure it wasn't my face he hit so the bruises were easier to conceal. One night, after another celebrity party, we got home and he used his belt on me. He had too much to drink and took it too far. I was in bed for a week. While I was off work, he convinced my father that I quit and wanted to stay at home to take care of him. My father and I didn't have a good relationship after my parent's divorce so my father believed him. From that day on, I was a prisoner in my own home. I cooked and cleaned and waited in terror for him to get home every day. Everything was delivered to the house, groceries and anything else we needed, so I never had to go out. He oscillated between being loving and doting on me and beating and raping me. This went on for months. I never saw my friends or family. I lived in a prison basically and thought it was what I deserved. I was always a disappointment to the people in my life. He was only giving me what I deserved." When she pauses again I try desperately to keep from vomiting. My heart is breaking for her.

"Anyway, there was an awards dinner honouring my father and there was no way for me not to go. As I dressed, he was very specific about how I was to behave and what I was to tell everyone. I had to repeat the lies until he was sure I had them. He gave me a few punches to the stomach to remind me to behave and be sure that the marks and bruises it would be hidden from everyone. He kept me by his side all night. I wasn't allowed out of his sight. He even made me use the 'family' bathroom so that he could go in with me. After the banquet, we stayed overnight at the hotel. He was very drunk when we went to our room and complained about how he never got any respect. All people saw was my father and never saw how he did everything in the background to make my father look good. I prayed that he would pass out or be too drunk to have any coordination. Neither of those things happened. Instead, as soon as we were in our suite, he started pushing me around. By this time, he didn't even bother with telling me why. He used his belt to whip me over and over then he grabbed me by the hair and dragged me to the bed. He raped me and then threw me to the floor. That's when he alternated between whipping me with his belt and kicking me. I felt more than heard the scream come out of me and then I blacked out." I feel the tears fall from her eyes and onto my bare chest. I don't dare move though. I think I'm afraid to doing anything.

"When I woke up, I was in the hospital and it was two days later. That night, someone was walking down the hall, heard me scream and called the hotel staff. They found us in the room and he was still kicking my unconscious body. I had four broken ribs and a concussion. My eye was swollen shut and I had bruises over my entire body. My mother was there in the hospital room crying and wondering why this was happening to her. My father kept telling her to shut up. He had me taken that night from the hospital ER to the private hospital I woke up in. He couldn't let this get out and damage his image in any way. The police came in and took my statement. My father talked to them too making sure that the records would be kept confidential. He paid the media off too. When the police and my mother left, my father stayed behind and told me how disappointed he was in me. A true daughter of his would never have let this happen to her; would never be a punching bag for any man. He left after that and I didn't see him again for a year. As soon as I was able, I left the hospital and fled to Europe. I spent time recovering in Paris for a few months. When I was better, I wanted to escape everything and everyone so that's when I went to China. I toured China for two months. I spent time in small villages and large cities. It was the ancient city that changed my life. Being in those places was almost holy. It was so much bigger and majestic than anything I'd ever experienced. I found my life again and knew I needed to change my life. It took me a year but I went back to LA. I went into therapy, reconnected with friends and started my PR firm. My father kept most of it out of the papers and public. My, um, he went to prison. He made a deal to avoid a trial. That was four years ago." She takes a deep breath now and lets it out slowly. I don't know how to respond or what to say. The thought of this strong, beautiful woman being so broken is killing me. I don't say anything but simply hold her until her breathing slows and I'm sure that she's asleep. Now what the fuck am I going to do?

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I wake up to Sloan screaming and hitting my chest with her fists. I can see in the pale light that her eyes are closed and she must be having a nightmare. After trying to hold her still doesn't work, I reach over to turn on a light and grab her arms lightly so that I don't scare her further. "Sloan, wake up baby, you're having a nightmare." Her eyes fly open and are as wild and terrified as I saw them after Ian attacked her. "Baby, come on, wake up. It's Sidney." Eventually her eyes focus on mine and she gradually calms down. I wipe the tears from her eyes. I desperately want to kiss her and make everything go away but I can't. I don't even feel right holding her like this after everything she has been through. She coughs a little and reaches for a tissue. "I'll get you some water" I tell her and get out of bed. In the bathroom, I fill up a glass of water but put it on the counter. I need to take a few minutes to steady myself as everything she's told me washes over me again. Sloan was beaten and raped by a man she loved and trusted. When she needed him the most, her father more than turned from her, he blamed her. I am clearly out of my depth here. I have no idea what to do. After picking up the water, I grab a bottle of aspirin too. When I head back into the bedroom, I see Sloan sitting up in bed now, still wearing my sweats and looking exhausted. There is a welt on her cheek. I hand her the water and then two aspirin. She hesitates but then takes them. She looks at the clock and then turns back to me. "You need your sleep Sidney" she tells me. After everything she's told me, everything she went through last night, she's worried about my sleep. "I'm fine Sloan. We don't have practice tomorrow, well, it's today I guess." She just nods and takes another sip of water. I guess neither of us knows what to say or do now. I simply take the glass from her and put it on the bedside table, turn out the light and then climb back into bed. I fold Sloan into my arms and then hope we both can get some more sleep tonight.


	27. Chapter 27

When I wake up the next morning, my head is pounding and my body is achy. I turn over and see that Sidney's side of the bed is empty. There is sun coming through the blinds so I know that it's morning. That's when I remember everything that happened last night. Ian's attack, Sidney finding us and saving me then, finally, my telling Sid what happened those years ago. I'm scared, embarrassed, grateful and more. I do remember Mario being there too. Oh God, Mario knows and Sam and Beth were there too. It's going to be all over the team and the organization. How am I going to face any of them again?

I guess I should get up and see where Sid is to face him. I'm still wearing his clothes so I roll up the bottoms and then head downstairs. I follow my nose and find Sidney at the stove. When he notices me there, he smiles and says "good morning. Have a seat, I'm making omelets." I sit and drink the orange juice Sid pours for me. He then goes back to the stove. I really don't know what to say but I am curious about one thing so I ask "have you talked to Mario?" I see Sid's shoulders tense up. He answers "yeah. Ian has been charged with assault. Mario said that he's out on bail. Mario also had the lawyers get a restraining order first thing this morning. Ian isn't allowed within one hundred feet of you." He turns and puts dishes with the eggs and toast at each of our places then sits down beside me to eat. We eat in silence. I don't think either of us knows what to say. When we're done eating, I help him clean up and make myself some tea. Taking my cup, I follow Sid into the family room. We each sit down on the L-shaped sofa and look hesitantly at each other. "Oh, I heard from Sam too. He wanted to make sure that you were ok." I can only nod right now but I know that I have to say something soon.

"I guess we should talk about this, huh?" I ask. Sid nods and says "yeah." Where do we even begin? "Thank you for stopping Ian last night. I got overwhelmed and scared or else I might have screamed or something. It was pretty stupid of me to go up to the office alone with him like that when I knew that he was so mad." Suddenly, Sid gets up and starts pacing the room. He whirls on me from across the room. "Sloan, it wasn't your fault! There was nothing you could do last night. You're working with him so of course you went up to the offices. He's twice as big as you are and had you pinned. How were you going to stop him?" I know he's right. "I know Sid but I am grateful to you; for that and everything else. You took over and made sure everything was ok. Thank you for bringing me here. I don't know what I would have done without you last night." Sid runs his hands through his hair and sighs. "Sloan, you didn't see yourself last night. You scared the shit out of me." Now I'm surprised. "What do you mean?" I ask him. He walks over and crouches in front but doesn't touch me. "Sloan, you were in shock or something. I don't think you even knew where you were or what was going on. It terrified me." Now I feel so bad for Sid having to put up with all of this when he should only be focusing on hockey right now. I set down my tea and cup Sid's face in my hands. "I'm grateful regardless." I say and lean in to kiss him. Sid pulls back before I can and sits at the other end of the sofa again. I guess we do need to talk some more so I ask "do you want to talk about the rest?" I ask him. He looks at me and says "only if you're up to it." I don't know that I'll ever be 'up' to it but know that Sid wants to talk about it.

"How do you want to do this? Do have questions you want to ask?" I ask him. He purses his lips and says "I don't know where to start." "Sid, what question is at the top of the list?" He pauses and then asks "why did you stay?" I knew that would be his first question; it's the one I always go back to and the one that will haunt me for the rest of my life. "I talked a lot about that in therapy because I still can't believe that I stayed. There are two answers to that question. First, when you're in it, when I was deep in it, it becomes part of your life. It built slowly and he was always so apologetic in the beginning. Then you're in too deep to get out. It becomes almost normal and what your life is. The second reason is murkier. Basically, I thought that I deserved what was happening. It was things that I did that made him hit me. If I could be better than he wouldn't do it. Essentially, I made him do it; I made him that way." I look at Sid and he's still listening to me. "Who knows when it really started? Was it my parents' divorce or my father's treatment of me? Is that when I started believing that I couldn't have more or couldn't have what I wanted? Is that when I knew that I wasn't deserving of anything more or better? I don't know and by now it doesn't matter." Sid is sitting there, quietly watching me. He hasn't moved or said anything since he asked me that one question. I sip at my tea and try to centre myself again. The roller coaster of the past two days is catching up with me now. My entire body is exhausted. I look at Sidney and he looks as tired as I feel right now. He is pale and has dark circles under his eyes.

"What else do you want to know Sid?" I ask him. He's silent for a long while. I don't know if he's processing or is trying to figure out how to ask me something. Finally he says "what do you need?" His question takes me by surprise. What does he mean? I ask "I don't know what you're asking me Sid?" He repeats "what do you need? Right now, right here, after last night and everything you've lived and relived, what do you need?" Could it really be that simple? After everything I've told him and everything that he's had to put up with, he wants to do something for me? The gate buzzes startling us both. Sid gets up and says "stay here, I'll go see who it is." I wait and in a few minutes I hear voices in the hallway then coming closer to the family room. When I look up, I see that it's Mario. He sits down on the coffee table in front of me and takes my hand saying "Ma pauvre fille, cela n'aurait jamais dû arriver à vous, je suis tellement désolé." He's such a sweet man, apologizing to me for what happened when it wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, except Ian of course. "I'm ok Mario. A little shaken up but I'm ok. Has it made it to the media?" He nods and replies "yeah. Some of the reporters were still in the arena when the police arrived and they found out that Ian attacked you. They wanted a statement so I referred them to the police. There is no reason for anyone in our organization to speak to the media today since the players have the day off. We'll have a meeting tomorrow to tell the players what happened and what they can say." I nod at him. It's the right thing to do. I also know, even though he hasn't said it, that I'm the one who will be speaking to the press tomorrow. I'm the head of communications for the Penguins right now and I need to be the one to speak. When I look into Mario's eyes, we share an understanding. I'm going to wait to tell Sid later. He's had a lot to deal with today. "Don't worry about this" Mario says gesturing between us. "I told Nathalie about the two of you but no one else knows or suspects. I don't think you guys need that right now too." I offer him a small smile. Mario stands and says "ok, we'll talk later about what we're going to do but until then, no work for either of you, ok?" We both nod at him and Sid walks Mario to the front door.

When Sid comes back, I try to stifle a yawn but do it poorly. "We're both exhausted" Sid says. "Why don't we go up to bed for a nap?" I smile, nod and hold my hand out for him to help me up. He lets go of it quickly when I stand so I wrap my arm around his waist and hold on tight as we walk up the stairs. I climb into the unmade bed and watch Sid take off his jeans and tee shirt. He climbs into bed and seems careful not to touch me. I'm exhausted, physically and mentally, but I really Sid to hold me. I tell myself that I'm starting to depend on him too much and I can't let that happen. I'll be gone in a few months and on my own again. While I know this is true, and it's unwise to depend on him, I can't help myself right now. "Sidney" I whisper to him. He rolls back towards me and replies "yeah?" Oh God, here goes, "will you hold me?" His eyes soften and he sighs. He opens his arms and I go into them easily like this spot was made for me. I burrow my face in his neck and take in his unique scent. It's comforting and arousing at the same time. He strokes my hair as we lay together. His fingers in my hair, the steady beat of his heart and his scent are all comforting to my soul. Just a month ago I didn't even know this man. Now, oh God, I can't see my life without him. It must be the stress and heightened emotions getting to me. Right now I'll just put it all away and focus on the moment. I can't help myself; I nuzzle into Sid's neck and leave soft kisses up to his jaw. "Shh, go to sleep" he tells me. I stop and simply enjoy being close to him.

I wake up later feeling less foggy and sore and still in Sidney's arms. I pull back slightly and look at him sleeping. His features have soften but aren't soft. I trace the planes of his face. He is so beautiful. I can't help myself from tracing his pink, plump lips and then I replace my fingers with my lips. I take such comfort from his lips over mine. He responds to me even in his sleep. His arms tighten around me and he brings me even closer. I melt into the kiss. This is what I need even more than sleep. I can feel how I'm affecting him against my leg that I've slipped in between his. I continue to kiss and lick at his lips. I can tell the moment he wakes. His lips become more ardent on mine and his arms tighten around me. I pull back to look at Sid and his eyes focus on mine. I can see the exact moment he changes and becomes fully awake. His entire body stiffens. His eyes go very wide. He pushes me slightly away from him but it feels like there's a cavern between us. I'm definitely confused. Sid places a kiss on my nose and then gets out of bed to go to the bathroom. What just happened here? I decide to get up too and make the bed. As I'm finishing, Sid comes back in the bedroom and says "you don't need to do that you know?" He's acting really weird now so I just shrug. We stand there now looking at each other like we're strangers. "Do you" "Why don't" we both talk at the same time. I gesture for him to go first. "Do want some other clothes? Or I can swing by your hotel if you like?" 'If you like' makes it sound like he's speaking to a stranger. Maybe this is all way too much for him. Maybe he's decided that playing the white knight works but now we're in the cold light of day and he doesn't want to deal with the aftermath. "Sid, I should get out of here. You probably have a lot to do and it's your day off. You don't get many this season. You should be enjoying it." I can see that he's getting angry. "What the fuck?" he replies and runs his hands through his hair. "Why would you say that Sloan? Do you really think that I'm just going to throw you out on the street? Is that what you think of me?" Now I do the one thing that I have never done when having an argument with a man; I burst into tears.

In an instant, Sidney is pulling me into his arms and stroking my hair. "Shhh baby, it's ok. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." Still crying, I pull back and say "I'm sorry" I hiccup a little. "Sid, you've been so incredible and I'm so appreciative. I thought when you pulled away, and left the room, that maybe this was too much for you to deal with. We've only known each other a month. This is hardly what either of us signed up for." He gets a strange look on his face and then kisses my cheek. "Don't be stupid" is all he says. "Look, we both need to eat. Why don't I order in and we can spend the rest of the day on the sofa watching movies." I look at him and he doesn't look mad or upset. Shit, I need to get back on an even keel. This is just too crazy. Maybe Sid has the right idea; we'll have some take out and watch cheesy movies for the rest of the day. Before I can say anything, Sid's phone goes off. Sid closes his eyes and rubs one hand through his hair. Finally he says 'ok. Come on over." When he hangs up the phone, he looks at me and I can't decipher the look on his face. Finally he says "that was Mario. He wants to come over again and talk to us." All I can do is nod. Sid puts his tee shirt and jeans on and asks "are you sure you're still ok in my sweats?" I nod again and then follow him downstairs. We have just sat in the family room when the gate buzzes so Sid gets up to let Mario in.

Both look unsure of themselves when they come into the family room and sit down. "How are you?" Mario asks me. It's interesting to me how I feel much more self-assured with Mario than I do when I'm alone with Sid. "Better. I'm doing ok. I haven't so much as turned on my phone. What is the media doing with the story?" Mario looks hesitantly from me to Sid. "Mario, regardless of what happened, I am still your head of communications and I need to know how this is playing in the media." He sighs and says "as I said earlier, they have the story. They have that it's Ian and you and found out the details from the police." Yeah, I figured that's what would happen. Mario continues "but that's all that they have Sloan." I look sharply at Mario and in an instant I see that he knows what happened to me years ago and he's telling me that the media here don't know. At least that's something positive. "Ok Mario, let's call a press conference for tomorrow morning before practice. I'll give a statement and answer questions. Then we'll turn the page and focus on hockey again." Mario is about to say something when Sid stands up and looks between Mario and me saying "no fucking way! You aren't giving a statement or talking to the media about this; it's none of their fucking business." While Sid is incredibly experienced and mature for his years, it's in this one moment that I'm reminded of how sheltered he's been in some areas. "Sidney" I begin carefully "please sit down." He sighs and then sits. "Sid, we need to deal with it and a released statement won't do. We'll get it out of the way before practice and then we won't comment again. It will be a matter best discussed by the police or the district attorney's office. If I don't say anything at all then I won't be effective at my job. I can't be responsible for Penguins communications and media if I can't talk to the press." I know he understands but still doesn't like it. I turn to Mario again and say "I'm sorry to ask you to do this; but, would you contact Sam and ask him to set up the press conference? He'll know exactly what to do. Would you also ask my whole team to meet me in my office at 8am?" Mario simply nods and gets up to leave. Before he walks out, he turns around and says "I called your father to let him know that you're ok." I really don't know what to do with that so I simply say "thank you."

After Sid walks Mario to the front door, he returns to me and sits on the sofa. Finally he says "I don't like it." For the first time in twenty four hours I genuinely chuckle. Sid looks stunned and says "how can you laugh?" I debate for a moment and then tell him "you sounded like a five year old whose mom just told him to get off the ice. 'I don't like it'" I mimic him. "This isn't funny Sloan. You were attacked last night and now you've decided to talk to the press. That's pretty fucked up." That sobers me quickly. "Sidney, it is part of the world we live in. Although usually I can stay behind the scenes, there are many times in which I represent a client and right now that's the Penguins. We need to put it behind us so that we can move forward. Saying nothing never works. Lying never works. I will obviate over the details but I need to talk to them. Then I'll use the 'no comment' every time after because I will have already commented. If I don't get this out of the way then every player, every coach, hell every Penguin is going to get the question over and over." I know that I make sense; I know PR. Sidney knows that I make sense but he's frustrated. I look down and see that his knuckles are red. I forgot that Sid hit Ian. Gently, I take Sidney's hand in mine and softly kiss his knuckles. Each one, I kiss them gently. When I finish the last one, Sid pulls his hand from mine and stands. "I'm going to order us some food; Chinese ok?" I nod and he walks out of the room.

Suddenly, it's obvious what's going one. First, when we went upstairs today, he dropped my hand and only put his arm around me when I hugged him to me first. When I kiss him, he keeps it light and pulls back each time. When I woke him up kissing him, he kissed me back until he woke up fully and then he couldn't wait to get away from me. Sid only took care of me last night because he's a kind man. He'd probably take in a stray dog he found on the street too. Now that he knows about my past, he wants nothing to do with me. He won't kick me out of course, he's too good a guy for that, but he also can't stand to touch me either. Oh God, I can't even leave because I don't have my car, my purse, shit I couldn't check my phone if I wanted to because it's sitting on my desk! What have I gotten myself into now? I'm completely dependent on a man again. At least this one is a good man; but, he's so good that he won't kick me out the door even if he wanted to do it. Now what am I going to do?


	28. Chapter 28

The next day, I arrive at work early to slog through emails and prepare for the day. I have a few unsettled moments when I first come in my office. The attack flashes back through my mind before I can prevent it. I let it wash over me and then put it away. The room has been tidied and cleaned so I settle at my desk to go through email. The lawyers sent me over language to use in my statement and what I can't say. After reviewing and refining my statement, I glance at my watch and it's almost 8am. I finish up with email as Sam comes in the door. He looks at me hesitantly. "Come on in Sam" I get up and walk around the desk. He stops in front of me and doesn't look like he knows what to say or do. I go with my instincts, step closer and hug him. He returns it. When I pull back I smile at him. "I'm good Sam, really. Thank you so much for everything you did for me." He smiles back at me and says "you're welcome. I have everything set up for the press conference today. They've been briefed that only you will speak, you'll make a statement and then take questions. Are you sure that you want to take questions?" I smile at him, it warms my heart that he cares so much. "I need to Sam. If not, this will follow us to Washington, New York and everywhere we go. The players, coaches, everyone will get questions and we won't move past it. I'll be ok, honest." We move to sit down as the others come in. "Come in everyone. There are not enough chairs but we won't be long." Everyone gathers around the table.

"Thank you for coming in early. I wanted to talk to you before I speak to the press. First, there are a lot of rumours going around so let me clear some up. Two nights ago, I was in my office alone with Ian. He became very angry and attacked me. Before it went further than that, Sidney Crosby found us and stopped Ian from doing anything else. That's what happened. Ian was charged and pleaded guilty. He will be in prison for 3-5 years." I pause now and wait for them to absorb what I've said. "So I'm going to do the press conference and, after it's over, any question about the situation going forward will receive a 'no comment' from us. Ok?" I see everyone nodding. "Good. Thank you all so much for your support over the last two days. I truly appreciate it. Now go work" I finish and everyone chuckles. The interns all leave and my core team stays behind.

When we're alone, I pause and look around the room. Everything I was going to say goes out the window and I decide to speak from the heart. "First, thank you all for managing through this thing. I didn't so much as check my email yesterday because I knew that you would handle what came up. I wanted to talk to this group specifically about the next few days. We need to be leaders for the rest of our team and the whole organization. I have full confidence that you can do this and lead the junior members of our team through the mayhem that will follow us for a couple of days." I look around and everyone is nodding to me. "I'm going to do this press conference a little different than you might be used to seeing. Basically, I'm going to stay out there until they run out of questions. I don't want any question to go unanswered. That way we will defer to that presser every time we get another question in the days to come." I look around the group again. Sam is the first person to speak. "Sloan, I feel comfortable speaking for everyone here when I say that we'll support you in any way you need and will do anything that needs doing." The sincerity with which he's speaking and the others agree with him definitely touches my heart. What a great group of people. "I'm sorry to break this up but we have ten minutes until the presser Sloan." I look at my watch and Beth's right. "Ok everyone, let's go down and face the firing squad."

We all get up and head down to the room we use for press conferences. I'm about to go in the room and Sam stops me. I look at him and chuckle "yeah, sorry Sam. I'm not used to be the one giving the presser." He chuckles too and then heads into the room. I hang back as the rest of my team follow Sam.

"Sloan" I hear my name whispered and turn to see where it's coming from. It's Sid peeking around corner. I go over to him and say "what are you doing here? Someone could see you." He simply smiles and says "I just wanted to wish you luck. You'll do great." He smiles at me again. I reply "thanks" and hear my name. "I gotta go. I'll see you later, ok?" He nods and I head back. Sam's waiting for me and asks "you ready?" I simply smile because I don't really know the answer to that question.

* * *

I knew it was risky but I had to see Sloan before her press conference. She looked good, which I would expect from her, but her eyes have lost that haunted look finally. She's back where she's comfortable, confident and ready to go; at work. After seeing Sloan, I wander back to the player's lounge and they've turned the TV on to the closed circuit with the press conference feed. A few of the guys are eating breakfast and watching the presser. I grab some food and sit beside Geno. "Someone kill that ass hole?" Geno asks and I know he's talking about Ian. I respond "he's not dead but he's going to prison." "Not good enough" Geno says and then we all go silent as Sloan begins her statement. She speaks directly into the camera and looks down at her notes sparingly. She looks confident, poised and sexy as fucking hell even if what she's discussing is appalling. When she's finished, she takes questions and they throw them fast. She lobs them back like an expert. I've never seen her with the press like this before. It's like a dance she's doing. She's sober and calm as the subject matter requires; but, she's also bringing them into her web and they follow willingly. She keeps taking questions until there are no more left to answer. She then tells the media that this is the last the Penguins organization will speak of this matter and all further questions will be referred to the police or district attorney. With that last comment, she leaves the room and the TV goes to static and then ESPN.

She did so great and I'm overcome by how proud I am of her. No one knows how hard this was for her. She's been through so much and I hate that she's going through this too. She is the strongest person I have ever known. I'm so lucky to know her, to love her. My biggest problem now is that this has me all screwed up. How was she even able to lay in bed with me the last two nights never mind let me touch her after what's happened to her? How can she not hate every man after the way she's been treated? Not only has she been beaten, battered so badly she was unconscious for two days, but she's also been raped, repeatedly. How can she even stand to be touched after all that? I'm so afraid that some I'll do something that will bring it back for her. I think back on how energetic, almost rough, our sex has been at times and I'm truly scared that contributed to any fear she has now. What the fuck am I going to do?

I put it away and warm up for practice. It doesn't take long to warm up and get on the ice. Dan still isn't happy with the power play so Granato has us run it with a few different formations and roles so that Dan can watch. Finally, Dan blows the whistle and talks with Granato while we catch our breaths. They both must like what they see because Dan blows the whistle again and brings everyone over. We'll leave for the plane in two hours and there will be no practice tomorrow since the game is at 12:30pm. After he dismisses everyone, I stay out on the ice for a while doing puck drills with Kadar. He shoots the puck into my skates so that I have to kick it up to my stick at full speed. I think I finally have my timing back. I hate that I start slow at the beginning of every season. In a regular season it's ok, I peak at the right time as we head to the playoffs; but, with a shortened season it isn't good. The workouts over the summer and then during the lockout have really helped me get to peak form. Now that my timing is back too, I feel ready to do what I need to do for this team. Now we need to get there as a team.

When we finish, I'm the last one on the ice so I pick up the pucks. It's something I've always done. It wouldn't cross my mind not to do it. I also get a few quiet moments before they come out to get the nets and clean the ice. "Is this what you're paid millions for, puck-boy?" I look over where Sloan is standing at the bench. When I look around, I see that we're alone. After I put the last puck in the top of the net, I skate over to her. For a brief second I consider snowing her but she looks too nice to get wet so I simply stop in front of her. "Shouldn't you be in one of you hundreds of meetings?" I ask her. She smiles shyly, which is a surprise itself, and says "when I saw you alone down her, I had to stop by. Thank you so much for popping by before the presser. It was incredibly foolish but also incredibly sweet. I appreciate it." Wow, that was quite unexpected. "You're welcome. I wanted to see for myself that you were ok. It went really well. Some of the guys and I watched it on the closed circuit feed. You are really, really good in front of the press; not just behind the scenes." She gives me that brilliant smile, with the dimple flashing, and replies "why thank you Mr. Crosby. Now, as part of my behind the scenes duties, I have to tell you to get to the locker room and meet the press yourself. Then we all have to get to the plane." I guess she can tell I'm surprised because she says "what?" I try to figure out how to say it and I decide on "I didn't know that you'd be coming on the trip." Now it's her turn to look surprised. "Sid, of course I'm coming on the road trip. I've put what happened behind me and now I have a job to do. Go do your interview and get ready for the trip." I watch as she walks down the tunnel. How can one woman be so complex? Just yesterday she was crying in my arms and now she could take on the world. I know that part of it is a front but part of it, most of it, is her inner strength.

I head to the locker room and do my interview then get showered and changed. On the bus to the airport, I watch Sloan talk to Mike Kadar. I can tell that they're flirting by the way Sloan smiles at him. I do a self-check and realize that I feel no jealousy. I guess I'm secure in whatever it is we have that I'm not a bit concerned as she flirts with Kadar. Or maybe it's because Kades flirts with anyone who has breasts and is close by. He rarely takes it further than that and I know that Sloan is a flirt. It is interesting to watch her with another man. Again, I 'm left wondering why she doesn't hate everyone with a dick on principle. My phone vibrates and I see it's a text from Sloan. It says 'stop staring at me.' I look up and she's talking to Kades again like nothing happened. Yep, definitely a flirt. 'Conceited much' I text back. A few seconds later I get another text 'self-assured and I'll show you why tonight.' What the hell? Now I'm really confused. She was attacked two days ago, almost raped and not for the first time in her life, and she wants to have sex with me tonight? How can she even stand the thought of a man's hands on her after what she's been through? I'm reminded of how little experience I really have with women. Not the sex stuff but the relationship part. I wish I knew how to handle this or at least had someone to talk to about it. The only person who knows about us is Mario but I can't break Sloan's confidence in me and tell him about her past. For what might be the hundredth time over the past few days, I wonder what the fuck I'm going to do.


	29. Chapter 29

The knock at my door isn't unexpected. I still don't know what I'm going to do even as I open the door to Sloan. I move back quickly so that she can enter. "I thought you guys would never get back from dinner" she says as she enters. After giving me a kiss, she moves into the room. I close the door and, the moment I turn around, Sloan is on me. Her lips are devouring mine, her hands are in my hair and her body is pressed against mine. I can't keep up with her and I also can't help my response to her. My dick betrays my brain instantly. I haven't had her in days, my body is quickly reminding me, so I pour myself into the kiss. I can't turn off my brain though and I keep flashing back to Sloan on the floor of the shower, her knees hugged to her as she rocked back and forth, broken. Finally, my brain wins so I push Sloan away.

She tries to kiss me again but I hold her away from me. "What's wrong?" she asks me. Is she serious? I move away from her and begin pacing the room. Sloan stands where she is watching me. "Sidney, what's wrong?" She is serious. How do I answer her? How doesn't she know? I can't figure out what to say so I keep pacing. "Sidney, seriously, what's wrong?" I turn and blurt out "how can you stand it?!" She looks really confused and asks "stand what?" The emotional exhaustion I've been feeling suddenly washes over me physically. I sink down to sit on the bed. I take a deep breath and say "how can you even stand me touching you after what you've been through? Doesn't it bring it all back? It would kill me if anything I did made you think of him." I rest my head in my hands and hear, rather than see her move toward me. "Sidney" she says softly and I look up as she kneels in front of me. "How could you ever think you'd remind me of him? When I'm with you, I'm with you and only you. There is no room in my mind for anyone else. That would be true no matter what I've experienced in my past." She takes my face in her hands and tilts my face until we are less than an inch apart. "Sidney, there's no one but you." She kisses my lips softly. "No one but you" she repeats and kisses me again. "No one but you" she says with another kiss. I pull back and look into her eyes. As I search them, I see no fear at all. Her eyes are a darker blue and filled with desire. There's also something else, something I wasn't sure I'd ever see in those gorgeous blue eyes; love. She leans in and kisses me again taking the kiss deeper and pressing against me. Her arms slide to my shoulders around to my back. I slide my hands over her waist to her back and pull her against me fully. She slips her tongue through my lips and it slides over mine. I tilt my head to take the kiss yet deeper. I feel incredible emotion coming from Sloan. It's like she's putting every feeling that she can't say into one kiss.

Sloan pulls back slightly so that we can look into each other's eyes. "Sidney, you and only you" she whispers softly. I take her face in my hands and stare into her eyes. I feel my heart swell and I can't help but smile. She returns my smile. We simply smile at each other until our smiles melt away and we reach for each other's lips at the same time. Sloan slides her hands up under my shirt so I lean back for a second so she can pull it off. I pull her sweater over her head and undo her bra. I take her face in my hands again and we begin to slowly, softly kiss. Sloan puts her hands on my shoulders and stands in front of me. She then reaches behind and undoes he skirt so it falls to her feet. Her stockings are next and then she's simply standing in front of me in her panties. I kiss her stomach and her hands feast in my hair. I leave kisses across her stomach and she lets out a soft sigh. Her hands pull at my hair until I look up at her. When her hands slide to my shoulders, she pushes me back until I'm lying on my back. I push back so that I'm lying in the centre of the bed and she follows until she's straddling my thighs. Her hands slide down my chest and over my stomach until they reach the snap of my jeans. She pulls at the button and then the zipper. Her hands slip in the waistband and she pulls down both my jeans and my shorts. I lift my hips to help her. When they're are off and she's standing again at the foot of the bed, she slips her panties down and then climbs back on the bed to straddle me. Slowly, her hips grind against me. I reach up and take her breasts in my hands. I run my thumbs over her nipples and her head falls back. She moans long and low.

I sit up and take one of her nipples in my mouth. I alternate between rolling my tongue around it and sucking. I kiss my way over to the other one and repeat the same sequence. She throws her head back and lets out another long moan. Her hips continue to grind against me and my dick teases her entrance. It feels so good but I need to be buried inside her. I push her until she's on her back and I'm lying over her carefully propping myself on my elbows. I take her lips first in a searing kiss then move my lips over her chin, down her neck and spend time on each breast again. I have another destination in mind so I kiss over her stomach and further down. Pushing her thighs wide apart I can see how wet she already is for me. I open her fully and take a long lick. She moans again, deep in her throat, and I feel one of her hands on my head. I lick again up to her clit and then flick it over and over. Her hips begin to move again in time to my tongue. I continue to flick with my tongue on her clit as I slip a finger inside of her. She is so hot and wet; I add another finger. I move them in and out as I continue to work her clit with my tongue. I can tell she's getting close now so I increase speed. Faster and I faster I go until she's crying out and I feel her orgasm begin. I continue to work her with my fingers to prolong it and look up to watch her face. Her entire body is flush now and she's glistening with sweat as she rides out the orgasm. I don't want her to come completely down so I move up her body and slip inside of her. I slowly thrust as she's still riding her first orgasm trying to take her up again. She starts thrusting with me and I can feel her climbing. I know I'm getting close and I focus to hold on for Sloan to join me. Suddenly her eyes open and fix on mine. A couple more thrusts and I feel her second orgasm beginning. I can't take my eyes off of her as she rides her orgasm until I can't hold back any more. I feel mine overtake me now.

When I'm conscious again, I realize that I'm lying fully on top of her so I roll to my side and take her with me. I gently push her hair back from her face and kiss her nose, each cheek and her lips. She slides her hand up my arm, over my shoulder and then rests on my cheek. I'm desperate to tell her how much I love her but I'm afraid to scare her. She's already moved so far from what we said this would be that I don't want to spook her now. She opens her eyes and I see the softness that I love come into those gorgeous blue eyes. They quickly get serious and her hand rests against my cheek. "Sid, is that what you've been worried about for two days? I've noticed that you've been pulling away from me and avoiding touching me. Is that because you were worried about reminding me of him or what I've been through?" I decide to be honest with her. She deserves it after being so honest with me. "Yeah Sloan, it is so hard to watch someone you love tell you something so horrific happened to them. It's especially hard to hear that, well, that happened kind of thing." I look back into her eyes and they are huge and she looks shocked. It can't be surprising to her that I'm upset with what she told me; upset that it actually happened to her. Now I'm really confused. She opens her mouth but words don't come out. She swallows and then asks "you love me?" What?! How does she know that? Fuck, I just told her. Double fuck; now what do I do? I guess it's out there now. "Yeah Sloan I do." She tries to move but I hold her here, to me, so that she can't get up. "Don't run away Sloan. I didn't mean to say it but it's out there now so we have to talk about it." She bites her lower lip which makes we worry. Fuck, this was not the time to tell her.

She's quiet for so long that I really begin to worry. I open my mouth but she puts a finger to my lips. "Wait Sidney, I'm processing." I guess that's better than running out the door. It's killing me to stay silent but I do. "Ok, Sidney, we started this for sex and only sex. Clearly that changed along the way, somewhere, but you know that I'm not staying, right? I'm going back to California after the season. I have a business and a life there. You also know that I don't want a commitment or a relationship. We sort of fell into this, whatever-it-is, but it still has an expiration date." I hear the words she's saying and I know that it's all about when this is going to end. I also notice that I don't hear that she doesn't feel the same way. She hasn't said that she doesn't love me. She hasn't told me that we don't have love between us. I think that's going to have to be enough for now. Sometimes you have to make a strategic retreat and this is one of those times. Instead of arguing with her, I roll onto my back and pull her with me. When she's settled at my side, I watch her hand slide up to my chest directly above my heart. I wonder if she can feel how it's beating for her. Well, I have a few months to change her mind. I got her this far, I can get her to tell me she loves me and get her to stay with me. I just need more time.

* * *

As I watch the guys take the ice in Washington, I can't help but replay last night over and over in my head. Sidney loves me, or thinks he loves me. I don't know what's true or what's even going on. I'm so out of my depth right now. I watch Sidney warm up and admire the way he takes such even and quick strides. He is really so beautiful on the ice. He manages to be strong, quick and graceful all at the same time. "He's amazing isn't he?" I hear Mike Kadar say beside me. I chuckle and look at Mike "yeah he is. It's like he was born on those skates." Mike chuckles now and says "when I was working with him last year, after the concussion and before he was back for the second time, I was amazed. His skating is perfect. His timing is unbelievable. We don't call him the best player in the world for nothing." I smile at him and we both look back at the ice. I glance over and watch Washington warm up too. "Mike, why do they compare Ovechkin and Sid? From what I've seen, Ovechkin isn't even in Sid's league." Mike looks where I'm watching and replies "a few years ago he was incredible. Ovechkin could beat anyone, score on anyone and in incredible ways. Over the past few years, his work effort hasn't been there and that shows during the season. Compare that to Sid who is the first on and last off the ice. He works out religiously and watches his food too. In the off season, he takes a few weeks off at the beginning but then he's back to full on workouts and strengthening. It's a process. You can't just turn it on at the beginning of the season. You need to work at it. Ovechkin doesn't and Sid does." I nod to Mike because it makes perfect sense. Sid is definitely driven to be the best. His confidence when he's in 'hockey-mode' is incredible. I watch the guys file off of the ice to end warm up. They'll go back to the locker room, make a few last minute adjustments to equipment if needed and then Dan will give his last minute talk. Then it's game time.

The game is tough in the first period. Chris Kunitz got a goal only three minutes in, Sid got the assist, and then the Capitals score only two minutes later. We got another goal and led 2-0 going into the second period. At the beginning of the second, the Capitals scored only four minutes into the period to tie the game. That was the last time that we didn't have the lead. We won the game 6-3 and Sid had three assists. The locker room is really exciting after the game. Chris Kunitz had four goals for the first time in his career. He was given the coal miners hat to recognize his great game. It really seemed weird to me at the beginning of the season; the tradition of the best player of the game, if they win, getting the coal miners hat. Then they pass it on, at the next game, to who they think was the best player. After seeing it given out a few times, I've come to think of it as a way the players bond and congratulate great games by players who may not always get recognized. Sometimes it goes to the 'role players' who play on the third or fourth line and make great contributions that others may not see. Sometimes it goes to the hero of the game, today it was definitely Chris, to recognize an incredible game.

As we fly to New York, I watch as the trainers strap ice packs to various body parts of the players. The flight attendants are handing out their meals. The general mood is high and fun. The team is tired but it's a satisfied tired. I have a lot to do and read but I can't seem to get my mind on my work. I've read the same page in a report three times. Finally, I give up and lay my head back to think. Sidney is in love with me. That's all I've been able to think for the past eighteen hours. Last night, when I realized that Sid was afraid to touch me and bring up my past, it broke my heart. It was definitely not true and I couldn't let him think that a moment more. When we were lying in bed later and he told me that he loved me, although it seemed by accident, it took a few minutes for it to break through my brain. I was definitely caught off guard. I knew that our whatever-it-is had moved beyond sex. I stopped trying to pretend it was a while ago but I was not prepared for Sidney to call it love. It's crazy and probably because he's twenty-five years old and inexperienced; but, I can't seem to dismiss what he said or the feelings behind it no matter how much I try to convince myself it's not true. I am happy that he didn't look for me to make a declaration too. What would be the point if I'm leaving in a few months anyway? Of course, I notice that at no time have I denied that I feel the same way.


	30. Chapter 30

The team won against the Islanders after they beat the Capitals. We arrive at home very late and tired but it was a great success winning both games. After landing, Sid sends me text simply saying "my place" and I know it's not really a question so I don't even respond, I simply drive to his house. I arrive only a few seconds before Sid and then follow him through the gate. I bring my bag in so that I have my things.

We climb the stairs together with Sidney carrying both of our bags. When we're in the bedroom, I can't help but sink onto the bed exhausted. "How do you guys do all of this traveling and play sixty minutes of hockey each game?" I ask Sid. He chuckles and says "you get used to it. You just need to relax and get some sleep." He's right; I'm tired but wired too. How can I be so exhausted but hyped up? Sid goes into the bathroom and I stay where I am. In a few minutes, Sid comes back to the bedroom and stops in front of me. "Come on Sloan" he says and pulls me up. He walks me into the bathroom and I see that he's filled up the tub. I smile and say "what a great idea." Sid smiles back at me. I turn to him, loosen his tied, and push his jacket off. Sid unbuttons his shirt and I undress too. Soon after, we climb into the hot water and I settle back against Sidney. His arms wrap around me and I lean my head back to his shoulder. I can feel my body relaxing quickly. "You played so well Sidney. Five points in two games is incredible. You were incredible." I feel him shift slightly and kiss my temple. "Thank you babe" he whispers in my ear. I shiver in response as he nips at my lobe. I love when he does that and he knows it. "Mmmm" I can't help it escaping from my lips. He kisses my neck and his hand slides up to cup my breast. His hand doesn't move but simply possesses my breast like he owns it. I guess he currently does and I like it. I shiver again as Sid nuzzles my neck. I can feel that I'm affecting his body too. Sid's free hand slides down between my legs. He slips his fingers between my thighs and finds my clit. At the same time he sinks his teeth into my ear lobe. I can't help the moan that escapes my lips. What this man can do to my body is incredible. He's learned exactly what makes my body respond. His fingers play on my clit and his lips and teeth work my neck.

I feel the pressure building between my legs. The hand on my breast moves and he rolls my nipple between his finger and thumb. Sidney increases speed and pressure everywhere and I know he wants me to go first but I need to feel him inside of me. I sit up and catch Sid by surprise so he lets me go. I turn so that I'm facing him. He sits up and I lower over him. We slowly move together and the water begins to splash over the edge but we don't care. Sid holds me close to him and takes my lips with his. The pace quickens and I can feel every part of my body coming alive. I lean back so I can look into Sidney's eyes. I try to hold on; I love the feeling of Sid's body sliding against mine easily in the water. I feel the pressure building and I move faster until I find my release. I'm vaguely aware of Sid thrusting a few more times and then clutching me to him.

When I pull back and look around, I see that water has gone everywhere. I look at Sid as he's looking around at the mess too and we both laugh. I lean on Sid and slowly stand. When we're both out of the tub and dry then we dry up the floor around the tub before going to bed. As I now lay is Sidney's arms, I trace my fingers over his chest and enjoy simply being in his arms. "I know you may not be ready to hear this again Sloan but I love you." As Sid whispers this in to me, I do a self-reflection on how I feel when I hear those words. I definitely feel some fear and uncertainty. When I get past those emotions, I can feel my heart swell at being loved. It's been so long since I've been cared for by a good man; loved by a good man. "Sidney, you're right, I'm not ready to hear it. That doesn't mean I don't want to hear it. I don't want you to feel that you can't be honest with me." I tilt my head up to look at Sid. He looks pensive for a moment and then asks "how do you feel Sloan?" Ok, this is what I was hoping to avoid. I think for a few minutes and know that I need to be honest with Sidney again. It's just that I'm not sure how I feel. I guess I start there. "Sidney, I don't know how I feel. I want to tell you what you want to hear but ..." Sid puts a finger on my lips and says "it's ok Sloan. We can leave it there for now. I don't want you to say something that you don't feel or are uncomfortable saying." He is so wonderful. I'm left wishing that this was going to work. I thought Sid would understand that I have to leave at the end of the season and we could keep this light and fun. I thought that would be the excuse he would believe because I could never tell him the whole truth.

I turn in his arms so that I'm half lying on him and take his lips with mine. The slow kiss makes my heart ache. I pull back and look into Sid's eyes. "Sidney, you have meant more to me than other ever man in my life." At least I can give him that much. It makes Sid smile and I wish that I could always see that smile on his face. I kiss him again and then settle at his side. The warmth of his body continues to flow into mine. I know it's late and we should sleep but it seems like neither of us want to break this moment. "Sloan?" Sid whispers. "Yes" I reply. "We have a planned day off after the next couple of games. Would you spend it with me?" I smile against his chest and answer "yes." Sid kisses my temple and I can feel his smile gets wider. "Good. I'll figure something out." I know that I shouldn't do it and I know that I should pull back but instead I say "let me. You are planned our last date. Let me plan this one." Sidney chuckles and says "ok, if you want to then it's all yours." I cuddle against Sid wrapping my arms around him and slide a leg over his. His arms tighten around me too. "We definitely need some sleep Sloan." I know he's right but I don't want this moment to end. Unfortunately, my eyes and body betray me and I slip into sleep.

* * *

The next few days go by quickly. I haven't been with Sloan since the night we returned from the road trip. She's been incredibly busy. Of course I know that she's been working so hard so that she can take off tonight for our 'date.' Sloan has been very mysterious and won't tell me anything about tonight. She just told me to show up at her hotel at 7pm. We lost the home-and-home against the Devils but won our game yesterday against Ottawa so Dan did give us the day off as planned. I went in to workout but I had the rest of the day free. As I passed a mall, I was inspired and went into Tiffany's to buy Sloan a gift. It was really hard to decide what to get her. Thankfully, the saleswoman was helpful. I described Sloan to her and she took me to a display of bracelets. There was one with diamonds and sapphires. I was hooked when I saw the sapphires because they were the same colour as Sloan's eyes; a deep, rich blue. I feel the weight of the box in my pocket as I walk down the hall to her hotel room. I feel an excitement that I haven't felt in a long time. When Sloan offered to plan our date, I was surprised and incredibly happy that she wanted to plan our date. It's definitely a positive step that she offered.

In front of her door I pause. I'm not sure if I should use my key card or knock. In case she's planning a surprise, I decide to knock. When Sloan opens the door she literally takes my breath away. She's wearing a bright red dress that is cut very high on the leg and very low in the top. It shows off all of her curves perfectly. Looking at her now, I don't know why I ever preferred an athletic build on a woman. I finally make my way up to her face and she has a huge smile on her face with her dimple winking at me. "Hi" she says to me. "Hi" I say back. We stand there for few moments simply staring at each other before she moves back and says "come on in." I walk into the room and give her a slow, sweet kiss then move further into the room. I'm definitely surprised by what I find. The room is glowing with candlelight. The candles are everywhere and are the only light in the room. There is a table set for two and I can hear music softly playing. It looks like Sloan went all out for our date. I turn to find her looking apprehensive and biting her lip. She's nervous; what a surprise. I step toward her and kiss her again. When I pull back I say "this is wonderful. Thank you" and I'm rewarded with another brilliant smile.

She takes my hand and leads me to the sofa where I sit. A few minutes later, she's back with two glasses of wine. After handing me a glass, she sits beside me with her own. I'm momentarily distracted when her dress rides very high, almost high enough to show, well, everything. She holds out her glass and asks "what should we drink to; a Stanley Cup?" I laugh and reply "always but, how about tonight we drink to you. You certainly put my dinner to shame." We each take a sip of our wine then I pull her to my side. I let the atmosphere wash over me: the soft music, the candlelight, the delicious wine and the beautiful woman in my arms. She has intrigued me, surprised me, devastated me and tonight, she's bewitched me. The mood, the way she looks, the time she took to plan and execute this evening touches me. I kiss her temple and again say "thank you for planning a wonderful evening for us Sloan." She replies "I had fun doing it. I just hope you like my cooking." I pull away to look at her. "You cooked?" I ask. She replies "yes. I can cook you know." I knew she had a full kitchen here in her suite but I had no idea that she would cook tonight. She's really gone above and beyond.

We stay sitting on the sofa together for a while talking about nothing really. We talk about the last game, growing up in LA for her and Nova Scotia for me. We both love dogs but can't have one because of our work. I tell her about Sam and how my parents take care of her during the season. When we're finished our wine, Sloan asks me "are you hungry?" I really am so I give her an enthusiastic "yes" and she laughs.

I follow her into the kitchen and she says "go sit down!" She's pretty emphatic so I go over to the table. I refill our wine glasses and she brings over a large serving plate. It is heaped with marinated vegetables and cheese. "I know you're in season but I thought a little cheat would be ok" Sloan says while she picks up a cube of cheese and pops it in my mouth. It's really good. We sit and heap our plates with the veggies, cheese and fresh bread. I'll have to run an extra mile tomorrow but it will be completely worth it. We chat about nothing really as we eat. When we finish that course, Sloan gets up to clear the table and I do as well. "Sit" she tells me but I reply "my mother would not be happy if I let you do all the work" and I pick up our dishes. She shakes her head and takes the platter to the kitchen. When I follow her in, I see that it is the cleanest kitchen I've ever seen from someone who has cooked an entire dinner. "Wow, my kitchen was messier than this and I didn't even cook." She shrugs her shoulder and says "I'm a neat freak, I can't help it."

I watch as she takes foil off of a pan to reveal a roast beef. Wow! She definitely can cook. She carves the roast and asks "how do you like it? Rare I bet" and I nod. She cuts open the middle and it's perfectly rare. After placing the slices on a platter, she takes green beans and potatoes off of the stove and into serving dishes. We each grab the plates and head to the table. I dive right in and everything is delicious. "Ok, you're right, you are a great cook" I tell her and she flashes that dimple at me again in a smile. When we're finished, I push my plate away and say "I couldn't eat another bite." We clear the plates and Sloan says "we'll have dessert later than" and winks. I can't wait.

It doesn't take us long to clean up the kitchen since it was practically perfect to begin with. We top up our wine and head back into the living room. An idea comes to me so I move to the stereo and turn the volume up. I look over to Sloan and she is breathtaking in candlelight. I simply hold out my hand to her and she joins me. I pull her into my arms and hers encircle my neck. I pull her as close as possible to me. She's the same height in her heels so our cheeks rest on each other. We sway to the music. She is intoxicating; her scent, every place her body touches mine, her finger lightly grazing the nape of my neck. I simply close my eyes and feel. The words to the Pink song echo through my head:

'Right from the start

You were a thief

You stole my heart

And I your willing victim

I let you see the parts of me

That weren't all that pretty

And with every touch you fixed them'

We continue to sway slowly together. The words continue to echo:

'Just give me a reason

Just a little bit's enough

Just a second we're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again

It's in the stars

It's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again'

I pull back so that I look in Sloan's eyes and I see that they're wet. "What's wrong baby?" I ask her. She just shakes her head. "Tell me" I say to her. The song continues to echo:

'Oh, we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again

Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again'

A tear spills down her cheek and I lean in to kiss it away. I try to pull her close again but she resists. I stop moving and simply hold her. She opens her lips to say something but nothing comes out. She purses her lips for a moment then finally says "I love you Sidney." I am beyond stunned. Part of me wondered if I'd ever hear her say those words. Part of me worried that I'd never hear that from her lips. Now I can only stare at her. "Say something" Sloan says to me and more tears leak from her eyes. It's the tears that knock me out of my haze. I pull her to me, hard, and take her lips with my own. When we finally come up for air, I look into her shimmering eyes and say "I love you so much Sloan" then I sweep her up in my arms and carry her into the bedroom. When I set her back on her feet, I take her face in my hands and kiss her. As our kiss continues, her hands slide over my shoulders and I slide mine to her back. I pull the zipper of her dress slowly down her back. I move back a bit and slide her dress down her arms until it pools at her feet. She is exquisite. The swells of her breasts threaten to spill out of her bra. Her waist nips in and then her hips flare out barely covered by her panties. Both bra and panties are as red as her dress. "You are so beautiful" I tell her and her eyes get wet again. Her hands move to my shirt and they shake as they work at my buttons. I take her shaky hands in mine and pull them up to my lips to kiss each in turn. She smiles at me now and, with steadier hands, she unbuttons my shirt and pulls it off me. She moves her hands to my jeans and undoes them before pushing them down. She steps back and lies on the bed. I move to her and take one off her feet in my hands, pull off her shoe and then leave a kiss on her instep. I repeat the same with her other foot. When I look down at her, all that goes through my head is that she loves me. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, this becomes the best night of my life.


	31. Chapter 31

Sidney looks down at me lying on the bed. His eyes are so dark with passion and emotion. I'm still all churned up with emotion myself. I wasn't sure of my own feelings never mind actually telling Sidney. It bubbled up inside of me, it was bubbling all night actually, and then it simply came out of my mouth. I felt so domestic cooking for him today. It felt like cooking for 'my man,' and all the while, because there's been nothing else I've been able to think about, I kept replaying Sidney told me he loved me. I think it was that song, that damn song, which talked about finding love again after being battered but not broken that finally did it to me. I felt that way, that I thought I was broken, but now maybe not. Maybe I was only battered. Maybe I'm not really broken. Maybe Sidney has shown me that I can love again or that I can love at all. When I look up at him now, he has me truly believing that I can love and be loved.

I hold my hand out to Sidney and he takes it, climbing onto the bed beside me. I brush a curl away from his forehead and cup his cheek. I need to say it again. My heart is so full right now. "I love you" I whisper to Sid. His eyes go soft and his lips curl into a wide smile. "I can't hear that enough" he whispers back. "Say it again" he continues. I kiss him "I" and again "love" and again "you." The smile leaves his eyes to be replaced by a dark passion. His body pushes me back against the bed and his lips sear into mine. Suddenly his hands are everywhere as his lips continue to devour. There's a desperation I've never felt from him. He pulls my bra straps down and my breasts spring free. His greedy mouth moves down and feasts on each swell, each nipple, so that I'm helplessly overcome with the sensations. When his lips come back to mine, I place a hand on each of his cheeks and hold him still for a moment. His eyes flash open. I kiss him softly, soothing while my thumbs stroke his brow. As much as I enjoy our fast coupling, I want to savour our night together; it's only the second time in my life that I've told a man that I love him and only the first time when I've really known what it means to love. The irony of me being the one to slow us down isn't lost on me. I take his lips slowly now and our eyes stay connected. I see his soften, no less desire in them but less desperation. I continue to sooth and savour his lips with mine. I reach around to undo my bra and then take it off completely. Sid slides his hand down to my waist and then continues down my leg, taking my panties with him. Sid pulls back and looks down then back up my body. His free hand has followed his eyes which cause me to shiver. When his eyes are back on mine, I see the knowledge in them that he knows exactly the effect he's having on me.

All that goes through head right now is 'my turn' so I push Sid back and straddle him. From my vantage point of sitting up, I have his entire chest and stomach available to run my hands over so I do. My fingers trace every muscle and I can feel Sid growing harder beneath me through his shorts. I lower my lips to his chest and, after leaving a few kisses, I trace those muscles all the way down his torso. When I get to the waist band of his shorts, I slide myself further down and take his shorts with me until he springs free. I shift slightly to pull them fully off and then straddle him again. I slide up further so that I can feel him tease my entrance. I rock back and forth a few times so that he slides back and forth. We both take a shallow breath when he slides between my folds for a second. I know that I'm not just teasing him, I'm torturing myself too. I lower myself to take his lips in a deep kiss. His hands slide down my waist, over my ass and he pulls my cheeks apart so that I'm more open to him on the next pass. I feel him slip to my entrance now and Sid holds me there. He doesn't thrust or move at all. He simply holds me right there with his tip inside of me. Oh God! I feel like I could cum right now. To torture us both, I rotate my hips a bit and Sidney moans deep and long; God, what and incredible sound. I feel myself drip over him.

His hands slide to my waist and then up my back to pull me down flush with his body. We kiss again and, when we part, our eyes lock. I shift slightly, reach down and guide Sidney inside of me again. I sink all the way down so that he fills me completely. I relish the feeling for a moment. Our eyes meet and I begin to move. Our eyes never leave each other as I rock against Sidney finding all kinds of ways to torture us again. I can see the sweat break out over Sid's lip from the strain of holding back so I give in and increase my pace. Sid begins to thrust now too and reaches down between us. When he touches my clit I go off like a rocket and my orgasm begins. I feel Sid's hand grasp my cheek so I look down. "Tell me" he demands. I know what he wants to hear and it sings out of my heart. "I love you" I tell him and then I collapse on top of him.

We both try to catch our breath and I rise and fall on his chest. When I can, I slide to his side and Sid follows me so that we're facing each other. I brush the curls back from his forehead. "Tell me again" he says, more softly now. I smile and say "I love you Sidney Crosby." He smiles at me and says "and I love you Sloan Burkle." I know the grin on my face matches his. He leans into me and we kiss softly. I love the feeling of his lips over mine. Sid pushes my hair off of my shoulder and kisses there too. "Thank you for a great date; best ever" he tells me. "I appreciate it but men are pretty easy you know. Good food, good sex and you're happy." He chuckles and replies "great food and incredible sex." We continue lightly touch each other, kiss occasionally and just bask in the moment together. "Remind me to thank Dan for the day off" Sid whispers between kisses. "Yeah" I respond. "Does that mean if you guys won more than you'd get more days off?" He digs his fingers into my side and I can't help but squeal. I'm so ticklish so of course Sid keeps going until I kiss him and he stops. We're both laughing so hard that we can't keep kissing.

Sid leans his forehead on mine and I sigh. It feels so good to be here with him like this laughing and enjoying each other. "What time do you need to be at practice tomorrow?" I ask him. "The usual, 10am and then we'll leave for Winnipeg." "Yuck, I don't want to think about Winnipeg. I love the city and the fans but I could definitely live without the cold of winter there." He kisses me and says "awe baby, I'll keep you warm." I roll my eyes. Only Sid can be so sexy and corny at the same time. He looks so relaxed and happy right now. "Do you need to go home before practice to get your luggage?" He shakes his head at the question. "No, I brought it with me. It's in the car." My, how domestic we sound right now. We're talking about our plans for the next day and our work. It feels so good that I force any other thoughts out of my head. I give myself a mental shake and focus on right here, right now and this gorgeous man in front of me. I shiver and Sid pulls the comforter over us and pulls me to him. It doesn't take long before we fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up, the room is dark and Sloan is in my arms. The evening washes over me again. I focus directly on the exact moment my entire life changed. Those three words Sloan said that I've been waiting to hear for what feels like my entire life. Part of me worried that I'd never hear her say those words. Part of me knew it would happen. Oh fuck, if I'm honest with myself, I had no idea if Sloan would ever admit that she loves me. She's experienced too much in her life to come out unscathed. I saw a glimmer if how she felt when she offered to plan our date. Then I saw another when I walked in the door tonight. Even though I felt it, I still wouldn't believe it until I heard the three most beautiful words.

I watch her sleep now and she looks so beautiful. There are some dark shadows under her eyes but I know that's from working so hard and not things that haunt her. She sighs in her sleep and her hand lightly slides over my chest. How is it that just the smallest touch from Sloan can create electricity? I feel it going up and down my spine landing at my dick. She's so soft and warm that I want to sink into her right now. That gives me an idea. I slowly roll her away from me so that she's lying on her back. Pulling down the covers reveals her breasts to me. I lean in and leave light, soft kisses over both of them; just enough to arose but not enough to wake her up. Sloan sleeps like she does everything else - full out! I lick and kiss down her body leaving a damp trail to my goal. When I'm between her legs, I do need to push them a little wider apart so that I have room. She sighs and shifts a bit but doesn't wake up; perfect. I use my finger first and slide it inside of her rotating as I do. She shifts her hips slightly. I continue to explore with my finger while I use my tongue on her clit. I flick at it first then I kiss it with my lips. It isn't quite large enough to suck yet but we'll get there. I continue to flick it with my tongue and slip another finger inside of her. I swirl my fingers around the entrance and my tongue continues to flick. Both are things that drive her crazy. At first I was hopelessly embarrassed our first time when she moved my hand a couple times to where she wanted it. I got over that really fast when I saw the effect it had on her. A little coaching is definitely a good thing!

I can feel my fingers getting wetter as she responds to my ministrations. She starts making mewing sounds, like a kitten, and my dick immediately responds. This is so fucking hot. She's still asleep and yet she's responding to every movement now. This has been one of my fantasies; waking a woman up this way, pretty much fucking her while she's asleep and then she wakes up on fire. Of course I never would have dared try it with any of the girls I dated. Sloan is different in so many ways and I know that she'll love this. I continue to move my fingers inside of her and her clit is getting larger so I'm able to suck on it now. I alternate between sucking, flicking and using the flat of my tongue to push down. I hear her whimper and look up to see that she's still sleeping but moving restlessly. So fucking hot. I dive in again and work her clit faster and faster. She moans and I'm rock hard now. I pull up and really want her to wake up now. I use my two fingers inside her to reach deep and then up like she showed me. It takes me a little time but I find the spot and she comes off the bed. I look up and her eyes are wide and wild. I slide up her body, take her lips and push inside of her. She cries out and moves to meet each one of my thrusts. Her eyes roll back and close as her orgasm over takes her. In a few more thrusts mine captures me too. I only have the presence of mind to roll to her side and take her with me.

When Sloan finally opens her eyes and focuses on mine, I say "hi." She smiles and says "hi. Um, that's an interesting way to wake up." Oh oh, not exactly what I thought she'd said. I guess she sees my apprehension on my have because she leans in to kiss me. "A delightfully, sexy, hot way to wake up." I feel better now so I kiss her back. "I've always wanted to do that" I confess. "Well I'm very happy to be your trial person. Actually, it was really hot. I woke up and my body was on fire everywhere. All I could do was feel. It was incredible Sid, thank you." I smile at her and kiss her again. I look at the clock and its 4:30am. "Wow, we definitely need to get some sleep." Sloan wrinkles her nose and replies "definitely but I feel sticky." I run my hand up the inside of her thigh and she definitely is sticky. I can't help myself so I slip two fingers between her folds and inside her. Her walls are still quivering and she's drenched. I slide my fingers around a bit she bits her lip and then she yawns. Yeah, we're both two tired for another round. I take my fingers out of her, get out of bed and pull her with me. In the bathroom, I place her on her feet and then turn on the shower. We both focus on cleaning because we're too tired to play. Quickly we finish, dry and are back in bed cuddling. Before we fall asleep, I hear Sloan say "I love you Sidney" and I know she drops off to sleep. With a full heart and a sated body, I drift off to sleep too.

* * *

I wake up in Sidney's arms and simply cuddle in. I don't know that I've ever been so satisfied emotionally and physically. My body feels incredible and I don't even want to get up but I can see the light coming through the drapes. Its morning and I need to get up. I look up at Sid and he looks so sweet in sleep. He also looks so young and happy. I kiss him softly and try to pull away but he pulls me closer instead. He's not helping. I try to pull away again but he holds me tighter. Ok, now I know he's playing. "Sid" I say. "I have to go to work." He buries his face in my hair and says "mm no." I find the clock on the bedside table and it says 7:30am. I really have to go. "I should have been there thirty minutes ago Sid. Please, let me go. We can meet in my room tonight in Winnipeg." He pulls back and says "tell me one more time." I roll my eyes to tease him and ask "tell you what?" Shit, I forgot he knows I'm ticklish but I remember quickly as he digs his fingers into my side. "Ok, ok, I give, I give. I love you." I say in between the laughter. He lets me go now and I jump out of bed to get ready for work.

When I'm ready to go, I come back in the bedroom and Sid whistles low and long. "Wow, you must always wear short skirts and high heels. You are so fucking hot." I don't know why but I'm embarrassed and must be turning red. Sid sits up and the sheets fall to his waist. "What's this? Sloan Burkle is embarrassed?" I'm not really hearing him because I'm staring at the miles of muscled arms, shoulders, chest and abs. Ok, I better leave now before I jump back in that bed. "No" I say. "I'm not embarrassed. Now I really have to leave. I'll see you at Consol." I lean down to kiss him and he holds me there to linger. I do for an extended moment but then have to break it. "I'll see you later" I tell him and then I'm out the door.

When I get to the arena, I'm starving so I drop my stuff in my office and head down to the player's area. Of course Dana and the equipment staff are there so I join them with my breakfast. "Hi Dana, hi guys, how are you doing?" I get the usual answers then Dana asks "did you enjoy your night off?" I look up at him and carefully answer "yes. Why do you ask?" He gives me a sly smile and says "well I saw you at Whole Foods buying quite a bit of food yesterday afternoon, way too much food for only one person." I guess I've truly become part of the team if the guys feel that they can tease me. "Maybe I was simply hungry Dana." The guys all say 'yeah sure' and variations of it. I change the subject. "Anyone know the weather in Winnipeg today?" I ask them. These guys always know. Dana's assistant says "it's minus thirty with the wind chill." I'm not sure what that means since it in Celsius but it sounds very cold. "You know, I could be having a mimosa on Venice beach right now. Instead I'm going to Winnipeg in the winter. I must have a screw loose." They all laugh at me as I clean up my dishes. I grab another coffee and wave as I head back up to my office. It hits me then that they're a family. The players are like the kids that need to be taken care of and tended to; the coaches are the big brothers; Ray is 'mom;' and, Mario is 'dad.' It seems that I'm part of the family now too. Then I remind myself that this family, like the one I was born into, is going to end.


	32. Chapter 32

The rest of February flew by. The guys won most of their games except a horrible one to Philly. Then they lost two on the road but March came in so much better. It's the second week of March and they've won every game in this month so far. No one wants to talk about the streak but its there all the time in our minds. The winning has made the locker room light. The guys are pranking each other all the time. It's also giving Sidney and me a lot of time together. It's like we're on a honeymoon. I have to stop myself from staring at him all the time and smiling. I find myself in the locker room more often just to see Sid even if we don't talk. I get a shiver up my spin now as I watch Sid talk to the media and he briefly catches my eye. He doesn't miss a beat but I know he looked directly at me for a brief, hot moment.

"The room is really different" I look and see its Katie beside me. I ask her "how so?" She looks around and then turns back to me. "There's more organization" she begins. "Everyone is still intense but they seem more engaged. It's like they know they only have so much time so they make the most of every moment." I smile at her. This is exactly why we made the change; to be more efficient so that we can be more effective. "How's the next install of In the Room?" I ask her. She smiles now and answers "we'll be ready on time for your review. This one is going to be even better." It's great to see Katie step up and take over the project. "That's great Katie. I'll look forward to it."

She wanders away and I look back over the room. Jennifer is ushering out the press so the guys can get changed and cool down. I see that Sid's gone so I head down the hall to the elevator. My Blackberry goes off. I see that it's Sid. 'Last room on the right down janitor's hall?' Confused, I follow Sid's directions. The door is closed so I knock. It opens and it's dark inside. Sid's head pops out, I notice he hasn't showered yet, and then he pulls me in and pushes me up against the wall. My lips are attacked before I can even think. His lips travel to my neck and, in between kisses, he says "you were driving me crazy in the locker room." His hands travel down to the hem of my skirt and pull it up. "You look so fucking hot." I'm having trouble keeping up with him. Before I can find his lips, he kneels down in front of me and pulls my stockings and panties with him. After putting one of my legs over his shoulder, his lips go to work on me. They're everywhere at once. He moves over my clit fast trying to take me up quickly; as if he wants me to desperately catch up to him. When he slips his tongue inside of me, I can only hold on against the wall and enjoy the ride. His lips go back to my clit and his fingers replace his tongue. He drives me faster and faster until I know that I'm soaking his hand. Suddenly he stands, he moves back for a brief moment and then the picks me up to straddle him. I guide him in and then he's slamming me against the wall. Oh God, this is incredible. Who knew he could surprise me like this? It doesn't take very long for me to cum and then I clutch onto Sid's shoulders. He holds me still pushed up against the wall. Finally, I can actually breathe and open my eyes. I slide down Sidney's body and take his lips with my own. I notice that the closet we're in smells faintly of cleaning supplies. It also has a strong stench of hockey equipment and, now, sex. I'm going to need a shower; but it was so worth it. I kiss him again and say "hi." He chuckles "I guess I mussed you up now, huh?" I find the light switch on the wall and turn it on. Sid looks hilarious with this sweaty hair, skin tight clothes, yellow crocks and his now flaccid dick hanging out. I can't help but laugh. Sid looks slightly offended for a moment but then must see the absurdity of the situation and he laughs too. I look at my stockings and they are a lost cause so I put my shoes on without them. I look around for my panties and don't see them. When I look at Sid, they are dangling from his fingers. "Looking for these?" he asks. I try to grab them but he's faster. "Nope" he says. "I'm keeping these." Oh my, Sid has gotten a little kinky. Hmmm. "Ok, but that means I'm going to be pantie-less all day." He rolls his eyes and groans as I slip on my shoes. I must look exactly like what I've been doing but there is no way to go but back to my office. I can only pray that no one sees me.

I do my best to smooth down my hair and right my clothes. The problem is that Sidney isn't the only one who smells like hockey equipment. "Ok" I tell him. "Next time, you need to shower first. I smell like your locker room now." Sid laughs and kisses my cheek. He rolls up my panties so they fit in his closed fist, good thing I wore a g-string today, and we slip out of the closet. Just as Sid shuts the door, Sam comes around the corner. It would be obvious to a blind person what was going on and Sam isn't blind. I think quickly and whisper to Sid "go. I'll talk to him." Sid looks like he wants to argue, probably has some idea of protecting me, but he catches the look in my eye and walks away. After Sid is gone, I walk to Sam and stop in front of him. "So" I say to him. "Do we really need to have this 'talk'?" I ask him. He lets out a breath that he's been holding and replies "no. There's nothing to talk about." Sam was already high in my esteem; he just went higher. "Thank you Sam. For all the obvious reasons, we don't want anyone to know." He smiles and says "if I'm allowed to say it, good for you. He's a good guy Sloan, a really good guy." I smile at Sam. Is there no one that Sid hasn't won over? "I need to get the interviews up on the website so I should go" Sam says. I smile and say "sure." He walks away but turns around to face me and say "by the way, your skirt is turned around backwards." He then disappears around the corner. Fuck!

* * *

That fun in the closet stays with me for a while. I love that Sloan is adventurous and willing to let me play out some of my fantasies. This woman is damn near perfect. She's smart, brilliant really, sweet and kind and sexy as fucking hell. The team is doing well, we've won every game in March so far, and I'm having the best season of my career. It's an incredible time and after the last two years I could definitely use this good in my life. Shero has been really busy. We needed more physical play on defense so he brought in Douglas Murray. Not only is the guy a great defenseman but he's huge; both tall and wide. There is nobody going to get in his way. Then Shero got Brendan Marrow; the captain of the Dallas Stars. The one that really surprised me was when Ray called and told me we got Iggy. Holy hell, we got Iggy. The news was saying that he decided on Boston but Ray got it done. All of these guys want a Cup and they're betting on us. Their experience, strength and character are only making us stronger. Unfortunately, Jerome had some visa trouble so he just arrived today. I heard he had a huge layover in Chicago and all kinds of travel issues but he's here. They're putting him on the line with Nealer and Geno. That should make us an unstoppable one-two punch in our top two lines.

I hate this time before a game; after warm up and before the puck drops. We sit in the locker room and wait for Dan's last words. Then we wait until TV is back from commercial and we're ready to go. I can't wait to see what we're going to do with this line up. It may take some time for everyone to gel and the new guys to learn the system; but, it's going to be a lot of fun getting there. Focusing so much on our team, I almost forgot that we were playing the Islanders; almost. Tavares is having the best year of his career and the Isles are no long a team to laugh at. They are coming up the ranks for sure. I'm on the bench for the national anthem because Geno is starting. Iggy is getting his first ice as a Pen off the hop. The start of the game is fast paced. The Isles are fast, we're fast and the puck is flying. I love this kind of game. Dan calls my number and I hop over the boards to replace Geno. I love the first shift. The ice is clean and new. Everyone is fresh with the game plan in their head and focused on executing. We get the puck in our end and I set up at the wing. Brooksy gets a pass that perfectly placed for a slap shot. That's the last thing I remember before I'm on the ice.

My mouth and jaw are on fire. It takes me a few moments to realize that I got hit with the puck. I didn't even see it coming. I still don't remember being hit. I was watching Brooksy shoot and now I'm on the ice. I look down and see blood and teeth beneath my mouth on the ice. Oh fuck, not teeth too. Will they let me come back to the game if I've lost teeth? The trainer is on me quickly and puts a towel to my face then helps me stand. I do a quick mental check of how I'm feeling. I didn't snap my neck too badly and the puck hit me low. Hopefully that means no concussion. They lead me directly down the tunnel and into the medical room. The doctors are all waiting. "Get on the table Sid. Let's take a look before we decide the next step." That does not sound good. That's all I keep thinking is that doesn't sound good. As soon as he said 'next step' I knew it was bad. Injuries are tough to judge in a game. With all of the adrenaline going through your system, not much hurts too badly and you can usually shake it off. They take my helmet off and help me onto the table. The doctor shines the light in my mouth and pokes around for only a few seconds. "Ok Sid, we're taking you to the hospital." What the fuck? "Why am I going to the hospital?" I ask and notice that I'm slurring my s's. Before the doctor can answer, I hear a loud voice say "I work here and my father owns this fucking team. Let. Me. By." There's no mistaking Sloan's voice.

She comes into the room as I'm sitting up. I look into her eyes and they're terrified. "I'm ok Sloan" again my s's are slurring. I definitely lost some bottom teeth. "The ambulance is ready for you Sid" someone tells me and I look at Sloan. Her eyes are very wide and she's deathly pale. "Guys, give us the room for a moment please. Would someone go into my locker and get my wallet and shoes? I'm not going to the hospital in all of this gear." They leave and I allow myself to cringe in pain. Those three sentences hurt like fucking hell. I think something happened to my tongue. When the door closes, I look in Sloan's eyes and say "come here." She comes closer but seems afraid to touch me. "I'm hurt but I'm ok." Her eyes search mine and I guess she can see that I'm telling her the truth. She gives her head a shake and says "ok." She stoops in front of me and starts untying my skates. "Stay still and keep that towel on your bottom teeth to stop the bleeding." She gets my skates off and then says "ok, stand up." I'm in too much pain now to argue. The adrenaline is definitely wearing off. Sloan manages to figure out how to undo the gear and take everything off. When she's done, I sit on the table and Sloan opens the door. "Ok guys, come on in." The trainer and doctors come in with my shoes and a sweat shirt and pants. I put the clothes on over my under armour. The trainer puts my shoes on. I'm vaguely aware of Sloan talking to the staff. "Crosby's status goes nowhere and to no one gentleman. You will not speak to anyone. Refer everyone to Sam Kasan for a statement. You say only 'no comment.' Ok?" The no-nonsense Sloan is back.

The trainer helps me off the table and walk down the hall to the underground parking garage. The ambulance parks there for games. I hear Sloan again. "Sam, I'm relying on you to manage this, ok? When they get off the ice and before you let the press in room, make sure all players and coaches tell the media that they don't know Sid's status. Let our guys know that he's ok and being checked out but that's it. When they tell the media they don't know then I want that to be the truth. All questions about Sid should be referred to you and you can say that you'll have information tomorrow. Sidney Crosby has been taken to the hospital to be checked out by the doctors and you will have an update tomorrow. That's it, ok Sam?" I hear Sam say "I got it Sloan. You be where you need to be." The paramedics help me into the back of their truck and I sit on the gurney. Sloan manages to gracefully climb in. "What are you doing?" I ask her and immediately regret it; both because she gives me a dirty look and it hurts like hell to talk. The medic takes some vitals and then looks in my mouth. She tells the driver to go and then she calls into the hospital to tell them that we're on our way and my status.

I look at Sloan now and she is definitely a woman in charge again. She takes out her phone and asks me "what is your parent's telephone number?" Holy hell, I didn't think about my folks. I take her phone and punch in the numbers. As it rings, the medic says "Mr. Crosby, it looks like your tongue is torn. Please don't talk any more until the doctors have looked at you." Fuck. I hand the ringing phone to Sloan. She takes it in her non-nonsense way. Is it weird that I'm thinking she's hot right now? One of my parents must answer. Of course I only hear Sloan's end of the call. "Hello, Mrs. Crosby?" Silence then "yes, I'm Sloan Burkle. I'm working with the Pens this season. I'm with Sidney right now and he's ok. The doctors looked him over and decided that we need to go to the hospital for a thorough going over." Silence again then "yes ma'am. He's lost a few teeth on the top and the bottom. There will be jaw damage but we don't know to what extent yet. They'll need to do some x-rays and an MRI. Also, they don't believe that there will be anything concussion related to this injury. Sidney can't talk to you right now because he tore his tongue and they don't want him talking." Silence again then "when we've spoken to the doctor at the hospital and have a prognosis then I will call you immediately. Would you like my team to make travel arrangements for you to come to Pittsburgh? There are probably no flights out tonight. I could call my dad and ask him to send the jet for you." That was incredibly sweet of her but she says "ok, if you're sure. I will definitely call you after we talk to the doctor." They say goodbye and Sloan ends the call. "Your mom and dad send their love. Your mom is going to call your sister now and update her." I wonder if my mom will think that it's weird that she met her future daughter-in-law over the telephone first.


	33. Chapter 33

Sid is in surgery right now. I think the adrenaline has worn off because I'm exhausted. The stress is still high now that he's in surgery but that makes me more tired. When I think back, I actually saw the puck hit Sidney and it runs over and over in my head like a nightmare. Of course the only reason I saw it was because I was watching him rather than the play. I always watch him when he's on the ice. I think my heart leaped into my throat when I saw him go down. I didn't think then, I just reacted. It's amazing how fast you can run in heels when you need to get somewhere fast. I saw the blood on the ice and someone said that there were teeth too.

I knew they'd take him to a medical room rather than the trainer's room; especially if he was bleeding. Then there was the fucking guard at the door who didn't know me. I had no patience for him so I bullied my way into the room. Sid was just sitting up as I came in the door. I don't know that I've ever been so scared in my entire life. I guess Sid saw this and asked everyone to leave the room. I vaguely heard him ask for his shoes and some clothes. I could only stare at him for a while. He told me that he was ok but he was clearly in pain and lisped. I needed to do something for him so I helped take off this skates and then his equipment. Just as we finish, there's a knock on the door. Sid tells them to come in and the trainer helps Sid into sweats. I have some consciousness come back to me so I remind everyone to keep their mouths shut and only say 'no comment' to any questions about Sid. As we headed to the ambulance, Sam found me and I reviewed the media statement with him and what to tell the team and coaches.

Now I'm sitting in the waiting room. Mario and Nathalie are here too. Mario has been on the phone with Sid's parents for which I'm very grateful. I know it was my idea to call them in the ambulance but I really don't want to talk to anyone right now. It's bad enough I had strange looks from Mario and Nathalie when I said that I was staying at the hospital. Replaying what the doctors said in my mind makes me shiver. Roughly 10 of his teeth were affected, some irreparably, as the force from the puck pushed them through some of the supporting bone structure and severed the neurovascular pulp supply, which I learned is a tooth's connection to the nerves and blood supply in the mouth. Two teeth even went back so forcefully they damaged the inside of his mouth around his tongue. The impact broke his jaw, which is forcing the surgeons to cut an opening inside his mouth and use screws to fasten two small titanium plates to the bone to help it heal. He's going to need a lot of dental work after that but that's getting ahead of ourselves. The surgery is the first part. Then he needs to avoid infection. Of course he's going to be in horrible pain for a while and can't eat anything solid. I hear someone come in and look up to see Mario. He sits next to me. "I saw a nurse and they said that the doctor would be in to talk to us in a few minutes." I nod at him. We sit in silence again. I feel that I need to say something so I say "thank you for not asking Mario." I don't need to explain because we both know that I'm talking about Sid and me. He puts his arm around me and pulls me to his side. That's when I completely break down. Before I know it, I'm sobbing against his shoulder. I finally get it all out and a hand gives me some tissue. I look up and it's Nathalie. She sits beside me and I mop myself up. As I'm finishing, the doctor comes in. He introduces himself but I only focus on what he has to say about Sid. "The surgery went well. We had to use four plates to hold the break together. We did not have to wire his jaw so that's good. We had the dental surgeon repair his top veneers so that he can talk better and there was no bone damage to the upper plate of his jaw. We had to repair a rip at the base of his tongue where it came away from the floor of his mouth. This is all good news. Now we need to make sure we stave off infection that's the real concern now. We've started him on high dose antibiotics. He's also on morphine for the pain. He'll be up on the ward in about thirty minutes. Of course we have a private room away from other rooms for him." Mario asks a few questions but I've stopped listening. He's ok; Sid's ok. I sit down because I can't stand any more.

"Sloan, are you ok?" This is from Nathalie. I look at her and say "yeah, now at least. I'm not leaving." I say slightly defiantly. Nathalie smiles and replies "of course dear. We'll make sure you can stay. Mario, will you set it up?" Mario nods and then Nathalie and I sit alone for a while. When Mario comes back in, he says "it's all been arranged. Sid's been moved to the ward so let's go up there." I'm so happy that they are helping out. I don't know if I could have done this alone.

We go upstairs and I follow Mario as he leads us to Sid's room. There's a security guy at the door. It's probably another thing that Mario arranged. When we get in the room, Sid is hooked up to all kinds of machines and the lower half of his face is very swollen. It's overwhelming for me to see him like this because I've only ever thought of him as a healthy athlete. It never dawned on me that he could get this hurt. "Sloan" I hear Mario say softly so I look at him. "They've brought in a sleep chair for you and some linen." He really did think of everything. I don't know what to say so I simply hug him. He kisses my brow and hugs me back. I thank them both and they leave. I walk over to Sid and see that he's breathing evenly. I'm afraid to touch him but I really need to so I brush the curls from his brow. I don't want to be too far away so I push the sleep chair beside his bed. Kicking off my shoes, I curl on the reclined chair on my side with a blanket over me and hold Sidney's hand in mine. It's warm and strong and gives me comfort. I'm so exhausted that I fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up and my jaw is screaming on fire with pain. I try to open my eyes but it's hard to break through the haze. I can hear a moan and I think it's me. When I finally open my eyes, I see that I'm still in the hospital. I can't lift one of my arms so I look down and see that Sloan is asleep on it. She's half in a chair and half on my bed. She's lying on my arm so I know why I can't lift it. I try to move my jaw to test it out and I can't because there is a tight bandage holding it my jaw shut. I guess that's to help me heal. I shift my head and that was a very, very bad idea. I'm in so much pain that I can't help the moan that comes out of my mouth. I regret that I feel Sloan wake and she sits straight up. "Sid, are you awake baby?" I can't talk so I nod. That hurts like fuck too. "Don't move Sid. They said you need to keep your jaw and mouth complete still until the doctor sees you tomorrow. The doctor said that the surgery went well. He had to put four plates in your jaw to repair the fracture. They repaired your top veneers so that you can talk when you're allowed. They also had to repair a tear of your tongue from the bottom of your mouth. They say that everything went really well in surgery. The concern right now is infection. They're pumping you full antibiotics." I want to know how long I need to be here but can't ask. I'm also so scared about a concussion. Sloan hasn't said anything about my head so I point to it. She's confused for a moment but then says "no Sid, no concussion worries unless you have symptoms and they don't think that it's likely. They'll want to know from you how you're feeling but it isn't a huge concern of theirs unless you have symptoms. Do you?" I shake my head and thoroughly regret it. I moan again and Sloan slides to sit beside me on the bed. "Don't do that Sid. No head movements. It's going to hurt if you do." She tries to smile but her lips quiver and her eyes fill. I can't talk and my eyes are suddenly getting very heavy. I pull her to me so that she's lying beside me. I hold her to me and quickly fall asleep.

When I wake next time, I'm alone and the sun is coming in the window. I hear water running then see Sloan come out of what must be a bathroom. "Oh, you're awake. How are you feeling?" I try to open my mouth and I can't. "No, don't talk. Of course it would probably be more helpful if I stopped asking questions, right? Damn, I asked another one. How about a thumbs up, sideways or down." I give her a sideways thumb. She smiles and says "any concussion symptoms?" That's the one I'm worried about. I do a self-evaluation and my head is fine, my neck is fine and no headache. It's just my fucking jaw that's on fire. I give her a thumbs up and she smiles. I pat the spot next to me and she comes over to do just that. I tap my cheek and she chuckles then leans in to kiss my cheek softly. I take a deep breath and breathe her in then softly nuzzle her neck. She takes a shuddering breath and then leans her head on my shoulder. I can tell that she's crying. I always forget how rough injuries are on the people around me. I'm surprised my mom isn't here already. I pull Sloan back and look into her wet eyes. The only thing that I can think of doing is giving her a thumbs up so I do. That makes her chuckle. "Ok, I'll stop, honest" she tells me and I wipe the tears from her eyes again.

There's a knock on the door and Sloan quickly stands. I see Mario and Nathalie come in. I guess this means that they know about Sloan and me. It was going to get out sooner or later. Mario comes to my side with Nathalie. "How are you feeling kid?" Mario asks so I give a thumbs up. Sloan laughs and says "we're using a thumbs up, down, sideways to answer questions." They chuckle then Mario looks serious. "Sid, I talked to your dad and your folks won't be coming down. It looks like your Nana Forbes is in the hospital. She's not doing well. I told your mom that we'd take care of you so that they could stay with your grandmother." Oh God, while this isn't unexpected because Nana has been sick for a while, I feel so bad that my mom has to go through this right now. "She's ok Sid; your mom is doing ok. As well as can be expected I guess. Anyway, when you're ready to leave here then you can come to our house until you are better." I smile at them. "I can take care of him." We all turn to Sloan. I'm not sure who is more surprised at her comment, Sloan or us, but she continues. "You'll feel better at your own home. The team will be fine for a few days without me Mario." Mario looks at me so I give him a thumbs up. I definitely would rather be at my own home even though their house was my home for a very long time. He nods to me then we stop talking when the doctor comes in. "Good morning Sidney. Let's take a look at everything this morning." He asks me questions about how I feel, we go through the concussion symptoms and there aren't any. He prods around my jaw and, while it hurts like fuck, he's happy with what he sees and feels. "Ok Sid, I'll come back this afternoon and see how you're doing then. That's when we'll make a decision about if you're staying again tonight." Not exactly what I hoped to hear but I give him a thumbs up. Mario pulls Sloan aside and they talk for a few minutes while Nathalie chats with me. I watch Mario and Sloan hug and then they come back to the bed. Mario says "Sid, I'm going to the rink and will update the team on how you're doing. I'll tell them to wait until you're home so that you" he indicates both Sloan and I "have some privacy." We talk a little more and then they leave.

When I look at Sloan, I take in the dark circles under her eyes and her pale complexion. I want to tell her to go home but I still can't talk. Having an idea, I mime a pen and paper. Sloan nods and finds them in her purse. I write 'go home, have a shower and get some sleep.' She shakes her head and says "no, I'm not leaving you today." As much as it warms my heart, she is dead on her feet. 'I'll be fine and you can come back.' I see her thinking about it so I keep going 'you won't be able to help me if you're dead on your feet." She sighs and I know that I've won. "Fine, I'll go back to the hotel. I really could use a shower and a change of clothes." She pouts but I know she'll feel better after she takes some time for herself. I need a few minutes as well to contemplate the implications of this injury. I'm definitely out for a time; it's just how long that time is. The playoffs are coming fast and we need to gel as a team with all of the new guys. I'm broken out of my thoughts when I feel Sloan's hand in my hair. I turn as she's leaning in to kiss my forehead. As she straightens, I pat my lips carefully. She rolls her eyes and very softly kisses my lips. "I'll be back in a few hours" she says and turns to go. "Oh wait" she says and digs into her purse. "When Nathalie brought my purse, she also brought your phone." I smile and it hurts but I don't care, I have my phone! "Messaging but no talking Sidney." She sounds like my mom. I nod and she turns to leave again. She's almost to the door when she whips around and runs back to me launching herself into my arms. Thankfully she's careful not to touch my jaw. I feel her lips on my ear and she whispers "I love you so much; don't you ever do that to me again!" I feel her kiss my neck and then she leaves.

Wow, we have definitely taken a different road from where we stared. Alone now, I continue to contemplate what's happened in the last eighteen hours. The best season of my career gets stopped by a puck to the face. I still can't process how it happened. I was positioning for a pass at the side of the net and then I was falling to the ground and my mouth was on fire. I saw the blood and teeth on the ice and knew it wasn't good. I was immediately escorted to the doc. When I got to the hospital, there was first class treatment of course. It's the first time that it didn't embarrass me to be treated differently. I had x-rays and an MRI. Sloan only left my side for the tests. Even when the nurse tried to get rid of her as I was examined, Sloan wouldn't go. It was nice to have someone care that much about me. If she hadn't told me that she loved me, her actions last night would have.

I message my parents to tell them how I'm doing and ask about Nana. I text Taylor the same. Of course the first thing I tell them is that are no concussion symptoms. That makes them feel better of course. That's the very last thing I need after almost losing my jaw. My phone goes off and it's Duper. 'We're outside and your guard won't let us in.' Of course they didn't listen to Mario and came to visit anyway. I message back 'tell him to come in here.' A few seconds later, the guard comes in. I can't talk so I give him a thumbs up. He interprets it the right way and Duper, Nealer and Flower come in. They come up to me and say Duper says "holy shit Sid. Can't you stay away from the fucking puck? It's supposed to be on your stick or in the net man." I chuckle and then wince in pain. We talk, well they talk and I write, for a while and then the door opens. We all look over and it's Sloan coming in. She's surprised when she's sees the guys here but recovers well. "Hi guys, so much for letting Sid recover, huh?" They all laugh and begin talking to each other. Shortly, Duper says "we have to go. We'll leave Sloan to talk shop with you." Looks like the guys don't suspect anything. Once they're gone, Sloan comes to my side and carefully kisses my cheek. I tap my lips and, predictably, she rolls her eyes at me then softly kisses my lips. When she pulls back, I take a careful look at her and, while she looks tired, there is more colour to her face. She's also in jeans. I've never seen her in jeans before. With one finger, I gesture for her to spin. I get another eye roll but she does turn. Damn, I wish I could do something about that right now. "Sid, stop it." She's smiling which makes me happier than this morning when she looked so emotionally drained. I pat the bed next to me so she sits beside me. I take her hand and hold it to my chest. Her other hand runs through my hair. "You must be in so much pain" she says to me. I am but don't want to focus on it. She looks at the machine beside the bed and says "Sid, why don't you push the button and take the morphine. You can't heal well if you're in pain." I know that she's right but I don't want to fall asleep. She takes the button and hands it to me. "Sid, press the damn button." I let go of her hand, shift over in the bed and open my arm for her. "Oh great, blackmail. Fine, I'll lay beside you if you press the damn button." I press it then hug her to my side. I sigh as she cuddles beside me and the morphine quickly does its work; I fall asleep.


	34. Chapter 34

The doctors are letting Sid go home today. He's been in the hospital for two days and is definitely itchy to get home. He's allowed to talk now and basically needs to be cautious about his jaw and he can't have anything but liquids. The nutritionist that he consults periodically has provided recommendations on how to try and keep his weight up. He's going to lose weight but we want to prevent that as much as possible. I did a big shopping trip to make sure I had all the ingredients required. Sid has a good blender so we're all set. I've been bringing Sid milkshakes for the past two days. We need to start real nutrition now but a few milkshakes wasn't going to bother him much for a day or two. The doctor has given us his antibiotics to take orally now. He's also given us the follow up appointments which will probably be done at Consol. For the next few days, Sid is supposed to rest and not exert himself in any way. I'm going to make sure that he's either on the sofa or in the bed.

They let us use a loading dock to leave because there are media at the front doors. We use Sid's truck with the tinted windows but I drive. The ride home is quick and silent. As I pull onto Sid's driveway, he takes my hand and says "thank you for taking care of me." His lisp is cute but then it reminds me of the puck hitting his face and that I felt like I almost loss him. I reach over and take his hand in mine. He squeezes it and pulls it to his lips to kiss. After kissing it, he winces and moans. "Sid, as much as I love when you kiss my hand, you really need to stop using your lips until you're healed." He chuckles and then suddenly says "oh God!" I'm terrified what happened so I turn to him and starting looking over his face. "What's wrong Sid?" I look over his face but see nothing different. "Sloan, if I can't use my lips then that means I can't eat you out!" Holy shit, he freaked me all to hell and he's thinking about sex! I silently turn to the door and get out of the car. "What?" He calls after me. I just shake my head. I guess I'm happy that he's joking around because it says a lot about his mental state. At least he's not sullen and depressed as I feared he might. Now that we're get home, when did I start thinking of his house as home?, I help him in the door and directly up to bed. I sit him on the bed and turn down the bed. "No" he says. "I really need a shower babe." Part of me is glad to hear it. He didn't shower after the game and only had sponge baths since. Quite bluntly, he stinks. "Stay here" I tell him.

I go into the bathroom and decide on a bath. He seems a little unsteady on his feet from the trauma and all the pain medication. After filling up the tub, I go back to the bedroom. He's where I left him but lying back on the bed. "Come on, let's get you clean." I help him stand and strip then lead him to the bath. After helping him in, I roll up my sleeves and grab the soap and washcloth. "You're not getting in with me" Sid asks but I can hear the weariness in his voice so I soap up the cloth and begin washing him. I focus on the task at hand and try to keep detached. It doesn't work because I feel my body reacting to touching his. As I get below his waist, I can tell that he's reacting too. "Sid, stop, you need sleep." He gives me a small smile. I take some of the shampoo and wash his hair too. When he's clean, I grab a towel and help him out of the tub to sit on the ledge. He's exhausted, truly exhausted, so I dry him too. After leading him back to the bed, I'm about to ask him if he wants shorts but he slides into bed naked. I sit beside him and kiss his forehead. When I stand, Sid grabs my arm and says "stay." His eyes are half closed but his grip is firm. "Ok" I tell him and move to the dresser. I take off my clothes except for my panties and then put on one of his tee shirts.

I slip into bed beside him and turn on my side so that we are facing each other. I trace his brow lightly. "Sleep Sidney. You'll feel better after you sleep." He moves to me, pushes me gently on my back and lays his head on my chest. I sigh and run my fingers through his hair lightly. I hear his breathing slow and know the exact moment he falls asleep. As I lay here with Sidney sleeping in my arms, 'those' thoughts start crowding my brain – 'it's only for the season' and 'you should never have gotten attached.' I push them out of my head. It's way too much stress to deal with right now. All I'm focusing on is Sidney. I love him and he needs me right now so I'm going to help him in any way that I can. I feel horrible that his Nana is so sick right now too. His parents desperately want to be here for him but also want to be in PEI with Trina's mom. He told them to stay with his Nana. They think that she is dying now and his mom should be with her mom. Of course he would say that to her. He seems almost too perfect; although, he is extremely goofy, very naive, and crazy superstitious. I made the mistake of trying to talk to him while he was on the treadmill running to warm up before a game and if looks could kill then from the one he gave me I'd be dead. Those thoughts creep in again; he should find a nice, young, girl who doesn't have a black past, who isn't damaged, someone who only wants to take care of him. I know this in my head, but in my heart … Ok, I need to stop this or else I will drive myself crazy. I need to focus on the here and now.

* * *

I wake up and there is an incredible pain coming from my jaw. That's the moment I truly wake and remember what happened. I look beside me and Sloan is gone but I do smile knowing that she must be downstairs because she said that she's staying. I put on some sweats and head downstairs. When I reach the bottom I can hear the blender going. I see Sloan at the counter with various containers on it and a full blender going fast. She notices me and turns away quickly, fills a glass with water and returns to me. "Take these" she says as she gives me the glass of water and two pills. I stare at then and Sloan says "they Tylenol with codeine. They'll help with the pain." I take them and then sit at the breakfast bar. Sloan turns off the blender and I ask "what's in there?" She smiles and says "a little of this and a little of that; you'll like it, trust me." It doesn't look all that appetizing. She pours it into a tall glass and places it in front of me. I can only stare at it and it looks gross; kind of like shit, literally shit. Sloan is smiling at me so I pick it up and take a sip. Wow, it tastes good! It tastes like chocolate and peanut butter and I think there's some banana in there too. "Did you think it would be vile? There will be some, I'm sure, but I thought I'd start with one that I knew would taste good. Chocolate protein powder, various vitamins and stuff, banana and peanut butter. Starting tomorrow, there are very specific meals at very specific times of the day. I can't guarantee they'll all be tasty. They're worried about keeping weight on you." Yeah, it's something that I've been worried about too. Some guys lose 20-30 pounds when they break their jaw. I keep drinking and watch Sloan as she eats an apple. She must have showered because her hair is in a ponytail and her face free of make-up. She's wearing yoga pants and one of my sweatshirts with 'property of the penguins' across it. She looks beautiful; incredibly beautiful. I wish that I could kiss her right now but I probably shouldn't. Oh hell, it doesn't matter. I get up, walk around and take her in my arms. She circles hers around me and rests her cheek on my chest. Without her heels on, Sloan is much shorter and still perfectly fits in my arms; no less perfectly than when we're the same height but it's different. She feels smaller, more, I don't know how to describe it. She pushes back slightly to look up at me. "How's the pain?" She asks me. I lean down and kiss her lips lightly. She kisses me back lightly too. I get slightly carried away and take her lips stronger and feel the pain. "Oh Sidney, be careful. I wouldn't want to explain this to the doctor if you've been injured further." I chuckle now. She has a good point but I don't want to let her go. "Leave the dishes. Let's go curl up on the sofa." She nods and we walk arm in arm to the family room.

Her phone goes off so she answers it. "Hi Sam" I guess it's Sam. "Yeah, that's a good idea, I agree. Sid will probably be in the arena later in the week to see the guys but no press." I find it interesting how she makes decisions about the press without even asking me. I think it's even more interesting that she's right. I don't want to see the press. "Send me the statement to review please. Ok, great thanks." They say goodbye and she turns off her phone. "Sorry about that Sid." She cuddles back against me. I turn on the TV to catch some scores. "Let me get a few scores and then we can watch a movie, ok?" She looks up at me and smiles. "Sid, we can watch whatever you'd like. Isn't there a game on?" Ok, she is perfect now. "No, we can watch a movie. I'd like to watch something that takes my mind off of everything." I hug her to me and her hand slides up my thigh when she gets closer. I pull her hair out of her elastic so that it falls around her shoulders. I love it down. "Feel better now" she asks me which makes me smile. I pull up the movies available and she tells me to pick one. I choose Blackhawk Down. I haven't seen it in years and it's an awesome movie. I yawn and feel pain. "Stop yawning" she tells me. Ha ha ha. She grabs the remote and pauses the movie. Curious, I watch her stand up and grab a couple pillows and put them at the end of the sofa. She points and says "lay down." I don't argue with her because it sounds like a great idea to me. I lie down and then pat the place in front of me. She smiles and then lays down in front me until we're spooning. I grab the blanket and pull it over us then start the movie again. If it wasn't for the broken jaw then this moment would be perfect.

"Sloan" I whisper in her ear. "Yeah" she whispers back. "Thank you for taking care of me." "You're welcome. I'm kinda liking it too." That makes me smile again. "You know, this moment is pretty much perfect" I tell her and she snuggles back against me. That gives me an idea.

I slide my hand under her sweatshirt and then I feel her warm flesh at her stomach. I feel her body shiver. Yep, this was a very good idea. I slip my hand further down and inside her yoga pants and panties. As I slip a finger between her folds, she moans and her head rolls exposing her neck. I give it a soft kiss and lament that I can't do any more. Even the kiss hurts my jaw so I focus on my fingers. I dip one finger inside and feel her dampness. We'll make that soaking before I'm done. I swirl my finger around and then slide it up to her clit. This is where she loves it best. I circle around it, then push and then flick it. She moans again and again as I play with her clit. "You love that don't you baby." I don't know where that came from but she seems to like it because she moans again. I push down and she moans again. "Yeah, that is exactly what you like. I'm going to make you cum with just one finger. You are so fucking hot." I focus and try to do just that. Her ass grinds back against me which is very uncomfortable for me but I keep going. I rub and rub and then I slow down to slide a slippery finger around. She whimpers and begs to be touched again so I flick at her clit. Again and again I play this game with her body. As she climbs to a release, I slow down. This time I keep my finger rubbing and her hips begin a jerky motion so I increase speed and alternate pressure. She's crying out now. "Cum for me Sloan" I whisper and she let's go. I cup her as she rides out her orgasm. Yep, definitely soaked. I love listening to her when she cums. She cries and moans and makes the sexiest noises. "Sid, you are incredible. Thank you. Besides being fucking hot, it was a great stress release." I chuckle now and she says "I'm sorry but I have to get cleaned up. You're that good." I chuckle again and pull my hand out of her pants. She gets up, turns and gives me a soft kiss then leaves the room. I think it took me all of thirty seconds to then fall asleep.


	35. Chapter 35

I clean myself up in the bathroom. That was very unexpected from Sid. I figured he would go right to sleep as soon as the movie began. His body has been through a lot the last three days and trauma, and the medication, makes you tired. Sleep is actually a good thing for him right now. The doctor said that it will speed healing if he can rest. I'm not complaining of course. I think an intense, quick orgasm went a long way to help alleviate some of my stress. When I walk back into the family room, I see that sleep has finally got him. I sit down beside his head on the L-shaped couch. I can't help but watch him sleep for a few minutes. He is so beautiful. His neck and jaw are still puffy but he had plates and screws put in so I would think there'd be some puffiness. I get myself comfortable and grab the remote. I liked Blackhawk Down but I don't really need to see it again. After flicking through the available movies, I find an older one that always makes me laugh; Parenthood. Steve Martin is always hilarious. I settle into the sofa and start the movie.

* * *

I wake up to hear Sloan chuckling. When I open my eyes I see that she's beside me watching a movie and the movie is one of my favourite comedies Parenthood. I watch it, and Sloan, for a few minutes until she looks at me and says "you're awake." I smile at her and pat the spot in front of me. She rolls her eyes, I love when she does that, and moves to lie in front of me so that we can spoon again. She takes my hand in both of hers and pulls it up under her chin. When I hear her sigh I think it's the first time I've ever heard her sound content. We both get back into the movie. At the end, when the baby is born and they show all the different babies that have been born into the family, it's my turn to sigh. "That's what I want" I hear come out of my mouth. "What?" Sloan asks me. Damn, did I say that out loud? I guess I've already said it so I need to go with it. "I want a big family with lots of kids. The team is like the family in the movie. There are always lots of kids around and for the guys who don't have kids, they become instant uncles. I can't wait until I have a bunch of kids too. The family room at games, especially the afternoon games, is crazy with chaos. There are kids everywhere. It's so much fun. Do you want a big family?" When I ask her the question, I focus back on her and away from the movie. I now notice that she's gone stiff in my arms. Shit! I've moved too fast again. Why can't I keep my mouth shut about these things? She's barely told me she loves me and I basically have told her that we should get married and have kids. I need to fix this, now. "Forget I asked. It isn't important now." I feel her relax more in my arms. Ok, good, I fixed it for now.

"It's much better to be here at home than in the hospital. They treated me really well and the morphine was great but there's nothing like being in your own bed." She kisses my hand and says "yeah, I know what you mean. It's great to have everything done for you, and, yes, the instant drugs are fabulous, but you never feel like you have privacy or are alone." Double shit! I'm going on about being in the hospital and I forgot that she was in one for a long time too. Trying to change the mood, I say "and, of course, the gowns are delightful with your ass flapping in the breeze." She's chuckles as I hoped she would. "Are you hungry?" she asks me. I think about it and I am. "Yeah" I reply. She turns in my arms so that we are facing each other. I stare into her eyes as her fingers trace each plane of my face. She kisses my brow, the tip of my nose and then, carefully, my lips. She leans her brow to mine and says "ok, let me see what I can whip up for dinner."

She gets up and leaves the room. I stretch and shift my jaw a bit. It hurts like a bitch. My stomach grumbles so I follow Sloan into the kitchen. She has a glass of water and two more pills for me. I don't want to take them but she's right that I need to heal as quick as possible and that won't happen if I'm always in pain. After taking the pills, I watch her cutting up fruit. It looks like mango and papaya and then she puts it in the blender. She adds yogurt, ice and a scoop of vanilla protein powder. The blender whirls for a bit and then she pours it into a tall glass. "What, no straw?" She chuckles at me and replies "you're not allowed to use a straw. You'll use too many muscles in your jaw." I know that but I love teasing her. She goes to the fridge and takes out a salad she must have made for herself earlier. "Is it rude for me to eat in front of you?" she asks. "No, we're having dinner together. I just happen to be drinking mine." She sits down beside me and eats as I continue to drink. I know the circumstances suck but it's nice having Sloan here with me. It's like we're living together. Of course, if we we're then Sloan would be working. We'd both be working for the Pens, traveling together and just together a lot. I can't help but smile at that thought. "What are you smiling at Sidney?" I look over at her and say part of the truth. "I like having you here, like this, with me." She smiles back and that dimple winks at me. "That dimple is so fucking sexy" I tell her and, oh my fucking God, she's actually blushing. "Are you blushing babe?" That makes her blush even deeper; so fucking sexy. I finish my drink and she finishes her salad then we clean up the kitchen together.

"You are asleep on your feet Sid. Let's go up to bed." It demonstrates how exhausted I am because I don't even argue. When we're upstairs, I strip down to my shorts and climb into bed. Sloan disappears into the bathroom for a little while. When she comes back out, she's in my tee shirt with her hair down. I sit up in bed with pillows behind me and hold my arm out. Sloan smiles and slips under my arm. It feels so good to lay here with Sloan in my arms. I turn on Roots to watch the game. It's pre-game now and there's a lot of film and talking heads. They show the guys warming up and I feel an ache in my heart wanting to be on the ice with them. It feels eerily familiar and I feel like it's hard to breathe. I feel Sloan's hand on my neck and she turns me to look at her. When I look into her eyes she says "you'll be there soon Sid. This isn't last year and you don't have a concussion. It's only for a matter of weeks while you heal." How did she know? "Ok, thanks" I tell her and settle her back beside me. We continue to watch but I'm distracted by the incredible woman beside me. I feel her fingers lightly tracing over my chest. It's completely distracting me away from the pre-game. Her fingers slide lower and trace over my stomach. I shiver involuntarily. She always manages to illicit that kind of response from me. Just a small touch from her and my body responds instantly. I take her hand and slide it lower but she stops me. "Sid, you can't. The doctor said that you aren't cleared to increase your heart rate too high. Blood pumps the hardest in your head, outside of your heart of course, so you can't have an orgasm. It's bad for the incisions." I didn't realize that meant sex too. Shit. When I had my concussion I wasn't seeing anyone so there was no need to talk about sex. Double shit. "Ok, but you really owe me when I'm cleared for 'exercise'."

* * *

Sid fell asleep before the game even started. I thought about waking him up but he really needs his sleep so I set the game to record. At the end of the first period, I'm glad that Sid is asleep. Buffalo is up 2-1. Flower looks very shaky in goal but we'll see what happens in the second. The second period is only two minutes old and Buffalo scores. Just over a minute later, they score again. Yep, Marc-Andre was definitely not having a good night. I feel Sid stir beside me and see that he is waking up. I guess he hears the game and asks "how much did I miss?" I hate to tell him "it's 4-1 Buffalo and Dan just pull Flower and put in Vokoun." "Fuck! Why didn't you wake me the fuck up?! If I'm not playing I always watch the game; always! I'm the fucking captain. I should be there." He goes on for a little while longer and I can tell that his jaw is killing him from using it so much to yell at me, the screen and life in general. I guess this is what a grown man looks like when he has a hissy-fit from frustration. When he's worn himself out, he sits back against the pillows and pouts. Holy shit, he's actually pouting; a grown ass man pouting. Well, he can pout all he wants but he will not yell at me. "Are you done?" I ask him in a soft voice. He doesn't respond, instead he continues to stare at the TV while Derrick goes off for roughing. "Good, then you can just listen. I understand how difficult this is for you. You are in extreme pain, don't know how long you're out for and you're watching your team losing. This is incredibly stressful; BUT, YOU. WILL. NOT. YELL. AT. ME. This is not something that I've done to you. In fact, I'm the one who left my responsibilities to play nurse-maid to you and at great risk to my reputation, by the way! Do you have any idea what my father would say or do if he knew that I was with you? Do you have any idea the shit storm that would come my way? Not to mention how much the media would feed on this; Crosby and the bosses daughter. I know you're in pain. I know that you are frustrated. I'll listen to you complain, lament and go on in any kind of whiny way; but, I will not have you yelling at me for something I didn't even do!"

I'm shaking now so I leave the bedroom and go downstairs to the kitchen. I'm pissed off, not scared, but it kills me that any kind of conflict with a man still makes me shaky. I hate that but I don't know that it will ever stop. At least I don't run and hide anymore. I get myself a glass of wine and settle in the family room with the game on. As I watch the game, and drink my wine, I monitor the different Penguins' tweets. Even though we are losing, badly, they continue to do play by play on the game. It is hard on them to be upbeat but they manage and, actually, do it very well. "Can I join you?" I hear Sid say. "Yes" I respond. I may be pissed off but I'm not a child; no silent treatment from me. Sid sits on the sofa next to me but doesn't touch me. "I'm sorry Sloan. You were completely right. I am frustrated and angry but should never have yelled at you. Actually I wasn't even yelling at you. You were handy so I unleashed in your direction. I'm sorry." He may pout like a child but he apologizes like a man. Before I can say anything, Sid says "are your hands shaking?" I look down at my Blackberry in my hands and they are still shaking. "It's nothing" I tell him. "Thank you for the" "Why are your hands shaking?" Sid says in a very low and measured tone. I can tell that he already knows the answer. I take a deep breath. "It's not your fault Sidney. It happens sometimes and it's a reaction. It isn't about you." I turn to him but he stands up and walks to the other side of the room. "I scared you. I made you shake." Oh God, the sadness in his voice makes me want to cry. I told him, it feels like a millennium ago, that I don't think of anyone else but him and now I've confused that; confused him. He looks horrified. I need to fix this so I go to him quickly. Taking his face in my hands, I tell him "Sidney, it happens. It's not because of what you said or what you did. I'm being honest when I said that it isn't about you. There used to be a time when I would have completely fled in that situation. Actually, sometimes I still do; but, because I love you, because you love me, I wasn't scared. I was pissed off and told you so. I could do that because of who you are and who you are to me. The reaction is just that, a reaction, and I can't control it. Please know that it's not about you." He still looks doubtful so I start kissing him. I avoid his mouth of course but I pepper his cheeks, neck and every piece of skin I can find with kisses. I feel better when his arms come around me and he holds me tight to him. I cling to him too. "If I ever met that man who" he pauses now "I would gladly kill him."

I stroke the nape of his neck. He is so tight right now; it's like every muscle of his body is on alert. I pull back and lightly kiss his lips. "You know, I'm going to be much happier when I don't have to be careful kissing you" I tell him. I get the smile I was looking for so I continue. "I'm also looking forward to that other thing too." It takes him a moment but then he remembers our earlier conversation when he realized he couldn't go down on me for a while. He becomes serious again and asks "I need you to be honest with me Sloan. Is there anything I do that reminds you of him?" Oh, this poor, poor man. Is he still worried about this? I look into his eyes and see that he is still worried. "Sidney, at no time that we have been together have you made me think of anyone but you; honest." His eyes search mine for a few seconds and then he must see the truth there and kisses me, a little more firmly than he should, but he doesn't break contact. When we part, I say "the third period is starting. "Let's go up and watch it in bed. You can take a couple pills and hopefully get a good night's sleep." He nods and we head to the bedroom arm in arm.

When we're back in bed, we watch the third period and there are no goals. The Pens lose 4-1 to Buffalo and at Consol too. The guys are on to New York tonight. Sid will miss the road trip and I know he's thinking about it. Sometimes injured guys travel with the team but the doctor wants Sid to rest. He'll see Sid in a few days and judge if he can begin light exercise. Even if Sid can't go on the ice, if he can work out then he can keep his wind and his strength up. Infection and losing weight are going to be the things to watch out for over the next week. The calorie thing is hard because we need to get him enough calories so that he doesn't lose muscle mass. If he's going to play in the playoffs then he needs to maintain his physical condition. I chuckle at myself; I didn't know any of this three months ago and now I know the diet of one of the best athletes in the world. I'm exhausted so I lie down on my side of the bed and pull the covers up. Sid shuts off the TV and the light then lies down too. "Sloan?" he says into the dark. "Yes" I reply. "I am very grateful for you and everything you're doing for me. I love you." I sigh, I love hearing him say he loves me. "I love you too." Those are the last words we speak as we fall asleep. My heart sleeps very full.


	36. Chapter 36

I'm going to the rink tomorrow and will see the doctor. It's also the first time I'll see the team since I got the puck to the face. All of that is really great. What I'm not happy about is that this is my last day with Sloan. She's gone back this morning to work. I wonder if people are going to put it together. I find that I don't care but I know that she does and I guess I should too. I hate having my personal life and hockey mix even if I've never had a girlfriend during the season. Wow, I never realized that since I've gone pro, I have never had a girlfriend during the season. I guess I've always wanted to focus on hockey.

Sloan is coming back her tonight so I've planned a great dinner for us - mine will be liquid of course - and then I'm going thank her for taking care of me in as many ways possible. I'm also going to give her the bracelet I bought for our last date. I can't believe that I was so distracted that I forgot to give it to her but, then again, she did tell me that she loves me so I guess it's understandable why I was distracted. I'm really hoping that no one noticed that Sloan has been gone and that it happened right after I got hurt. I haven't heard anything from the guys about her and they've been messaging a lot to ask how I'm doing. I'll have to ask her what she told her guys about being off for a couple of days. Of course Sam knows the truth but he won't say anything.

My biggest problem right now is boredom and feeling useless. The boredom comes from just sitting around with occasional escapes into sleep. I felt useless when I talked to my mom. Nana isn't doing well and it seems like this is the end. I can't fly until the doctor clears me which I hope he'll do tomorrow. Until I see him, I'm supposed to sleep and eat/drink and that's it. I hate not having teeth. It feels like my mouth isn't mine; it's just weird.

I'm so bored so I text Sloan to see when she'll be coming home. It's 6:30pm, she should be leaving soon. 'How was ur day? R u leaving soon?' I wait for a response but don't get one. A few minutes later, the phone rings. "Hi babe, I couldn't text back because I'm driving. I'll be there in a few minutes." I chuckle "thanks for giving me some notice." She chuckles too. "Sorry, I wanted to get home as soon as I could." Hmm, she's called it home too. "Ok, I'll see you soon." We hang up and I hurry to the kitchen. I planned dinner and now she hasn't given me much notice.

I'm so glad that I did all of the chopping earlier. She's been living on salads so I searched the internet for recipes. Who knew there were so many different recipes for salad? It's mostly stuff a rabbit eats but you can make it thousands of ways. Who knew that you could search by ingredients on the Food Network website either? I chose some of her favourites and it popped out a recipe; easy peasy. My dinner is liquid of course. While the blender is going, I put her salad together and try to arrange it like I saw on the website. Why can't I manage to make food look good? Oh well, it should taste good anyway. I hear the front door open. It's a good feeling to hear her coming in the door. As I hear her heels clicking on the tile, I realize how much I've missed her today. She comes in the kitchen as I put her plate and my glass on the table. "What have we here?" She asks me. "I know you love your salads so I found a recipe" I tell her tentatively. I melt as her eyes soften and she walks toward me. She slowly slides her arms around me and lightly kisses my lips. "Thank you so much." Ok, I really need to make her dinner more often.

"Why don't we sit down and you can tell me about your day?" I ask her. She smiles and sits down. I watch as she digs in and her eyes open wide. "Wow Sid, this is delicious, seriously." I know my smile is huge; I even made the dressing so I'm glad she likes it. We eat and talk about her day and the team. It helps me feel more connected to the team listening to what's going on. I need to know so I ask "what did you say to everyone about why you didn't go on the trip." She frowns and says "I actually didn't have to say anything because no one asked. That alone worries me a bit." Hmm she's right, that is concerning. "What do you think? Do they know?" She shrugs and says "Sam didn't say anything to them of course but it is quite a coincidence that I disappeared the same time that you did. Even if people know, as long as they are pretending that they don't then it won't reach my father." He has to know at some point but I won't bring that up right now. We're having a wonderful evening and I don't want to spoil it. In fact, noticing that she's finished her dinner, I take our dishes to the sink. I'll clean up later. I turn as she's standing and can't help myself. I sweep her up in my arms and she giggles, actually giggles, as I carry her up to the bedroom. Inspired, I drop her in the middle of the bed so that she bounces and hear even more giggles. I love this side of her; she seems so carefree and sweet. It's not a side she lets out often. In fact, I've only seen it a couple of times and only when we're alone. "Sidney, we can't do anything yet. You need to be cleared by the doctor first." I am painfully aware of that fact but I want to do this for her. She's been incredible to me. "I know I can't. Don't worry about it. By the way, you're wearing too many clothes for what I have in mind for you."

She smiles at me and pushes herself up until she's kneeling on the bed. Her skirt raises high on her thighs as her knees pull apart. My eyes follow every inch and Sloan notices. Her hands slide down her sides and her fingers slowly slide her skirt up higher until she holds it just below her panties. My eyes slide up her body to her eyes. They have gone a deep blue with desire and knowledge that she knows exactly what she's doing to me.

Her hands slide up her body and my eyes are riveted to them. They slide over her hips, slowly, pulling her skirt up further. She let's go of the hem and her hands slide up and over her waist, further up her sides and then over the curves of her breasts. I watch as her fingers slowly unbutton her shirt. She reveals her bra slowly; the swell of her breasts first, then the red satin, finally the shirt is completely open. She shrugs one shoulder and her shirt slowly slides down her arm. Then she shrugs the other shoulder and her shirt falls completely to the bed. I'm drawn back to her eyes which are smiling along with her full, pink lips. She shrugs again and her bra strap falls. Another shrug has the other one down too. They don't fall further. She reaches around and unzips her skirt. It falls to her knees. She slides back and pulls her skirt completely off. She lies back wearing only her bra, straps at her elbows, panties and heels. Fuck, she's killing me.

I take a step forward but she puts up a hand to stop me. I pause and watch her. She pushes up on her knees again. Slowly, torturously slow, she reaches behind her and unclips her bra. She keeps it from falling by crossing her arms. I'm begging her with my eyes but she simply smiles for a moment and then lets the bra fall. Her hands are still covering her breasts. I take a step closer and she puts out a hand again. Her remaining hand and arm are trying to cover her breasts but not doing a very good job, thank God. She smiles again and slowly drops her remaining arm revealing her gorgeous breasts. They are full and beautiful. As I gaze at them, I watch her nipples tighten and pucker. I love that just my gaze makes her body react. Now she slides back down and slides her panties over her hips, down her thighs and pulls them off completely. Now she's lying, on her back, wearing only her heels. Fuck, she's so hot. She throws her panties at me and I catch them in mid-air. Going with instinct, I bring them to my face and breathe in. It smells of her and my dick actually twitches. I need to touch her as badly as I need breathe.

I walk to the bed and my eyes travel the length of her gorgeous naked body. When I get back to her big, blue eyes, it gives me an idea. "Wait right here, don't move a muscle." She looks quizzical at me and then nods. I run downstairs and get the box that I left in a kitchen drawer.

When I get back in the bedroom, she is exactly where I left her, naked, except for her heels, and on the bed. I move to her and lie beside her handing her the box. She lifts an eyebrow at me and takes the box. Opening it, her eyes go very wide and she looks back at me. "Sid, what is this for?" She's smiling at least. "I bought this for you when we had our date. When you told me that you love me, I forgot about it. Seeing your big, beautiful eyes reminded me of it like it made me think of you that day." I take it out of the box and place it on her wrist. With the clasp done, I pull it to my lips and kiss her palm. "It's beautiful Sidney. Thank you so much." I kiss her palm again and she smiles. "I chose this because of the particular shade of blue in the sapphires. They are the exact colour of your eyes when I touch you." I can't wait any longer so I gently kiss her lips. I wish that I could do more, I love kissing her, but I leave her lips. I slide my hand from her neck and down to her breast. Rubbing my thumb over her nipple has her sighing. I flick it with my thumb now and she gasps. I slide my hand down her side, over her waist, hip and thigh. I push her onto her back and slide my hand between her legs and between her folds. I side my finger inside and feel her heat. She's already so fucking wet. I swirl my finger around the entrance and her hips thrust into my hand driving my finger deeper. I give into her, slip another finger inside and thrust them in and out slowly at first and then faster and faster. She's thrown her head back now and crying out for more. It looks like we won't be drawing this orgasm out; she wants it now. I push her back into the bed and my fingers in deeper, looking for that special spot. It's hard to find so I change angle a bit and, there we go, she cries out. I push on it again and then slide my fingers quickly to her clit and work it hard and fast now. Fast and faster I go as I watch her. Her head is thrown back and thrashing; her breathing quickens and then I watch as her orgasm overtakes her. She's so beautiful, stunning, watching her in ecstasy.

I see her body slowly come down from her high. I slide my hand over her cheek and into her hair. I so desperately want to kiss her and do just a little too hard because I feel the pain through my jaw. Instead, I shift and nuzzle her hair and breathe her in again. She tilts her lips to my neck and leaves soft kisses under my ear. I'm getting very uncomfortable in my jeans. "Babe you really need to stop. As it is, I have to have a very cold shower." She chuckles into my neck then pulls back. "I guess I owe you a very, very big thank you when you are cleared for, well, thanks." She's so cute right now. I definitely need a shower and a very cold one. I kiss her cheek lightly and then head to the bathroom. I'm just hoping that the shower is going to do it.

* * *

Last night with Sid was incredible. Not only did he cook dinner, gave me a beautiful bracelet but he also gave me an incredible orgasm too. I can't believe how generous Sid consistently is to me. I had an incredible night sleep too. He seems to be feeling better. The doctor will be seeing him today and Sid couldn't be happier to be back at the arena even if he isn't skating or working out. I made sure that I was down in the locker room after practice because I want to see how happy Sid is when he's around the guys. As I get closer I can hear and smell the guys. Do you ever get used to that horrible smell? I enter the locker room as the guys are finishing up with the press. Jen gets the media out of the room and then ushers Sid in. The guys are thrilled to see him and chirping him at the same time. It is so funny to watch and I'm so happy for him. This is what he needed; his spirits will definitely be lifted by this visit.

"Burkle?! Is that you Burkle?!" I turn around in time to be swept up in a bear of a man's arms and twirled around. A furry face is rubbing against my cheek but that's all I know right now. When I'm back on my feet, I pull back and see who it is and shout "Joey?! Oh my God. What are you doing here Joey?" I can't believe he's here in Pittsburgh. Joe Manganiello is a client of mine or was a client before I came to Pittsburgh. We started representing him before True Blood. He's a great actor and a really great guy. "My parents live here in Pitts. I came to visit them and had to come see you of course. How you doing in then hockey world? Having fun?" I laugh again and throw my arms around him. "It's so good to see you Joey. I've missed you." He kisses me and replies "I've missed you too kid." I realize that I have missed him; he's a client but also a good friend. "Have you met the guys? I know that you're a huge fan." He smiles and says "I haven't." I know he's silently adding 'but I want to.' I put my arm in his and walk him into the room. I see that Geno is alone and I know he loves True Blood. After I introduce them, Geno has all kinds of questions about the show. Kris Letang comes over, another fan of the show, and then they're talking about working out for looks versus sport. James comes over now so I leave the guys to talk. Jen and Michelle are at my side quickly and Jen whispers "do you know who that is?" I look at each of them and they have wide eyes and would be licking their lips if they weren't trying to hold it together. "Yes, Joe is a client of mine. His family lives here and he's visiting."

They continue to stare at Joe as he meets all of the guys. There's quite a circle around him. Sid is standing off to the side talking to Marc-Andre; weird. The girls bring me back to them. "Are you dating him?" Michelle asks me. "Forget that" Jen jumps in before I can answer. "Have you slept with him?" They're so funny. "No and no." They both say "awe" and seem disappointed. Of course this does tell me that they don't know about Sid and me. The guys laugh loudly and I hear Joey say "get your fine self over here Sloan. Tell these guys that I was an athlete." Joe always makes me laugh. I join the group and Joe puts his arm around me and pulls me beside him. "Go on Sloan; tell them I was an athlete!" I laugh and say "sorta. You went to college on a football scholarship and quickly blew out your knee. I guess that was an athlete." All the guys laugh and Joe pretends to give me a noogie. When we first met, Joe and I had an instant attraction and slept together immediately and often. When he became a client, we decided to stop our physical relationship. He knew I wasn't looking for anything serious and neither was he so it worked out well for us both. The guys continue to chat and joke around. Marc Andre has joined as some of the other guys have gone off to shower. I look around and don't see Sid anywhere. That's strange. Maybe he went to talk to the coaches.

I'm about to leave when I hear Joe call my name. I turn and he's saying goodbye to the guys and coming over to me. "You weren't going to run away were you?" I chuckle, it's just like him to say that. "No, I was letting you 'athletes' talk" I tell him. "Ha ha ha" he says. "It's almost lunch, let's go catch up." I mentally check my calendar and I can rearrange a few things. I'd love to spend some time with Joe. It feels like forever since we've talked. "Sure. Come upstairs and I'll get my coat." We chat as we head up to the offices. He fills me in on some of the gossip from LA. When we're in my office, he asks "is Mario here?" I chuckle remembering that he's a huge fan of Mario's. "Let me call over and see." I call Mario's assistant and unfortunately he's not there. Joe needs to leave first thing in the morning so he can't come to the next game to meet him. "Sorry Joe, next time you're in town I'll introduce you." "The next time I'm back here, you'll be back in LA babe." Wow, he's right. I'll be back in LA before I know it. That never used to make me sad but it doesn't sound right to be leaving.

Lunch with Joe was hilarious, as I expected. He's head back to filming for True Blood so he's been working out like crazy. He ends up naked a lot on the show and really needs to be at his best, physically. Of course I tease him about it. I also make fun of his salad, no carbs for him, even though I'm having the exact same one. As our salads arrive, I see some of the players walk in the door. Paul Martin sees us so I whisper to Joe "do you want me to invite them over?" I see his huge smile but he says "only if you're ok with it." I say yes of course. He's so cute with his almost hero worship of the Pens. I think they're all impresses with each other. I'm not surprised to see Sid with them. He's really missed being with the guys. They join us and all start talking so soon everyone is laughing. James and Geno came too. He doesn't talk a lot but when he does, Geno is hysterical. He starts picking on James and then Paul gets in on it too. We are all laughing loons soon. Except for Sid, I notice that he's been really quiet during lunch. Maybe the day has been too long for a first outing. He's got to be tired. I'm dying to ask him what the doctor said about his jaw but I guess that will have to wait until we're alone. Actually, I look at my watch and I do have to get back for a meeting. I say goodbye to everyone and make Joe promise to call when he's back in LA then I leave. I head out the back door because it cuts down an alley to the arena. It's a short cut I learned from Sam when we came here to lunch one day.

As I'm heading down the alley, I hear my name so I turn to see Sid walking up to me. I can't read his face. He looks really odd. When he's in front of me he says "I thought you said you loved me! I thought this was more than sex! What the fuck is going on with that guy?" What the fuck?!


	37. Chapter 37

I was stunned when I saw that huge and, ok I'm man enough to say it, incredible looking guy hug and kiss Sloan and then twirl her around. Seriously, who is this guy? Then when all the guys were falling all over each other to meet him, I really had to find out what the hell was going on. The more I saw him touch Sloan the more pissed off I got. It was getting out of control so that I wanted to punch him. I did find a moment of clarity and walked away when everyone was talking. I didn't want to say or do something that I'd regret later so I left. When I knew the guy and Sloan had left then I went back into the locker room. I learned that he was some actor and all the guys love him. I don't watch True Blood so I didn't recognize him.

When Paulie suggested we go for lunch I agreed readily; I knew I could have soup at least. I've really missed being with the guys and thought it would take my mind off of Sloan and that guy. No such luck of course; when we enter the restaurant, there's Sloan and that guy. Of course they invite us to join them and the guys love that! The entire time we're there I keep wishing I was somewhere else, anywhere else, but here. Finally, lunch breaks up and Sloan leaves out the back to take the short cut. The guys all leave through the front door and I tell everyone that I have to go back to Consol so that I can follow Sloan.

Now that I'm in front of her, angry and demanding what's going on, I think I should have calmed down more before talking to her. It's too late now. She very calmly, too calmly, says "what do you mean?" I feel like it's the beginning of the season again and I'm the girl in this relationship. Why is it that I can't seem to stay on firm ground with this woman? I try and try but my emotions are never even or calm about her. She is so unpredictable. That's one of the things I love about her but it also drives me crazy too. Clearly, I'm out of my mind right now. How the hell do I get out of this now? "Ok, let me take a moment here" I say and hold up my hand. She gives me a few moments to reign in my temper. When I do, I finally figure out how to tell her. "Ok, put yourself in my position. I watch this guy come into my 'house', kiss and man-handle my woman. How should I respond to that, huh?" She simply stares at me now. Oh God, I am back to being the girl again. She takes a few deep breaths and I see the exact moment that she relaxes. "Yeah, I guess I see your point" she says. Wow, that seems too easy. "But" she continues; yep, definitely too easy. "Sid, he's a client and a very, very good friend. He happens to be a man. My partner is a man too. Here, I'm surrounded by men everywhere I turn. What's all this about?" I think about it and I don't know that I have an answer for her. I guess I can only tell her how I feel. "Sloan, we have never been on the same page about us. I know I said it would just be sex in the beginning but the more I got to know you the more I knew that I wanted more. Since then, I never knew what to expect from you. I guess I still don't know what to expect and it threw me today when I saw you and that guy." I still can't say his name. "Sid, you know my past. You know why this" she gestures between us "is so hard for me. I'm sorry that I can't give you everything you want and definitely deserve." She looks so sad suddenly and, again, I feel the ground underneath me shift. What am I going to do now? Am I expecting too much? "Sloan, I don't know what to say. You can see my point though, right?" She sighs and says "ok, yeah, I see you're point. You see mine too right?" I think about and if she means about, ok, Joe, then I do get it. "Yeah, I understand that you and Joe are just friends." She steps closer to me and kisses my lips lightly. "Are we ok?" She asks me. "Yeah, of course" I tell her. She smiles and we start walking together. "Besides Sid, Joe and I only slept together for a few weeks." What the fuck? They slept together? "I thought you were just friends. You fucked him?!" Now, all I can see is red. I can't believe that she actually fucked him. I can't believe that she ... Fuck I can't think of it anymore. I am going to say something, do something that I'll regret; so I turn and head back down the alley. I can't believe that she fucked him. I need to work off some of this mad. Double fuck; the doctor only cleared me for light exercise. Shit. What am I going to do now?

* * *

I'm left standing in the alley wondering what I'm going to do. I go back over the conversation with Sid and I can't figure out where it went wrong. We talked it out, we told each other how we felt and moved past it. Why did Sid freak out about Joe and me sleeping together? I thought we figured it out. I really don't get it. He says that he is always unsteady on his feet with me but I'm sure as shit not steady and haven't been for a very long time. God, I'm so confused. What am I going to do now? Fuck. I'm no good at this and I'm definitely not good for Sidney. I love him enough to know that but I'm right and truly screwed. I can't leave because I'm not done with my job; but, I'm just going to keep hurting Sid if I stay with him. Great, I'm screwed either way. While I don't know what to do about this I do know what I have to do about Sid. I need to make this right with him. I get what he said about how he feels. What I don't think he said is how insecure he feels and there's nothing I can do about that unfortunately. I know what he wants to happen but it's just not going to work. We don't have a future and it isn't going to get any easier to leave him at the end of the season. No matter how much I wish things were different they just aren't.

Ok, I need to make a decision. I'm not leaving Pittsburgh because I have an obligation to my father so I either need to break it off or ... I'm not sure what the 'or' is and that's the problem. Shit. Alright, maybe Sid and I try to make this work; I feel nauseous at the thought of it but maybe we do. We take it one day at a time and live for the moment. Ug, now I'm talking in clichés like some players do. Ok, what do I absolutely know? First, I need to make this right with Sid. He's upset and I need to fix it no matter what else I decide. Second, I love him. I know that I've never felt this way about a man and regardless of the difference in our ages, where we live or my past, I love him. Lastly, Sid loves me. I want to say that he's too young to know what he feels but it wouldn't be true. He knows how he feels and for some reason he loves me. He's actually starting to make me believe that we could make this work. Oh God, did I really just think that? We live on different sides of the country, I'm too old for him and my father, oh God my father would not be happy. Fuck it. For the first time in a very, very long time I decide to go with my instincts. I grab my phone and text Sid. 'Please meet me at your house in an hour.' He makes me wait so long that I get back to my office but he texts back a simple 'ok.'

I manage to shift around my afternoon and load some files onto my iPad. I get to Sid's house in just under the hour. He's already home and I find him sitting on the sofa in the living room watching TV. I sit down in a chair facing him. He continues to flick around the channels on TV. "Please Sidney" I say to him. He turns off the TV and then looks at me. I can see how hurt he is, how much he loves me is clearly in his eyes, and it solidifies my decision. "I'm in" I tell him. His brow furrows and I can tell he doesn't know what I mean. "Sid, I don't know how we'll do it or make it work but I'm in." I watch the knowledge into his eyes as he understands what I'm saying so I continue. "I really don't know how we'll do it but I don't see my future clearly without you. I can't see a future without you. I'm scared, terrified really, but I know that you won't hurt me. I know that you would never hurt me." He's smiling now. I love that beautiful smile, even if it is missing teeth. I get up and walk over to him slipping onto his lap. I feel his arms wrap around me as I wrap mine around his neck. I lean in and kiss his lips softly. That reminds me "what did the doctor say?" He smiles again and says "I'm cleared for light exercise." That makes me wonder "does that mean?" I ask him and he just keeps grinning. "Oh thank God" I say. Sex is included in light exercise.

He's been so good to me that I want to do something special for him now. I lean in and slide my lips over his neck from under his ear down. I slide off of his lap so that I'm kneeling between his legs. Smiling up at him, I lift his shirt so that I can undo his jeans. My fingers brush the warm skin of his stomach and I feel him react; good. Slowly, I undo the button and then zipper of his jeans. Rather than pulling down his shorts, I stroke him through them and lower my lips to rain kisses over his stomach. I feel him shiver again as he grows bigger under my hand. I kiss lower and lower then shift his shorts down. When he pops out, I kiss him a few times and then look up. His eyes are searing into mine. I lean down again and my hair falls over my cheeks. Before I can brush it back, Sid wraps it around one of his hands so that he can watch me. Holding the base in my hand, my lips close over his tip and I run my tongue around it. He grows harder in my mouth. I love it when that happens. I lower my lips slowly and hear Sid's sharp intake of breath when he hits the back of my throat. I repeat the action, slowly up and down, a few times. His hand tightens in my hair. I increase my speed slowly and his hand tightens even more.

I sit up and use my hand to stroke while I smile up at him. His head is thrown back now against the back of couch, his eyes are closed and he's pursing his lips. I know that he's trying to hold on. I lower my lips over him again work him faster and faster. I use my lips and tongue. I can feel that he's close so I reach with my hand and lightly squeeze his balls. His fingers dig hard into my scalp and he let's go in my mouth. When I can tell that he's done, I slide up to his lap again and lean my head on his shoulder. I listen to his breathing slow and ask "is that what the doctor had in mind when he said 'light exercise'?" We both laugh.

I sober for a moment and say "Sid, I really don't know how we're going to make it work but I want to try. We have a lot to talk about." He kisses me and says "we will. Let's wait until the end of the season. We can figure everything out." I know we're putting it off, which doesn't solve anything, but I decide to be an optimist like Sid. "Ok, we'll figure it out at the end of the season." He grins but then his grin quickly sobers. "Sloan, you're right, I will never hurt you, ever." He's so serious right now that I simply nod and kiss his cheek before settling my head on his shoulder again.

* * *

I can't sleep. Today has been incredibly emotional. First, I had great news from the doctor and then I got to spend time with the guys. Of course then there was the whole thing with Sloan and that guy. After we talked, I thought I moved past it until she told me she slept with him and I went crazy. I was surprised when I got Sloan's text to meet me at home. Of course that was nothing compared to the shock I felt when she said that she wanted to make our relationship work. I was starting to think that she would never commit. Sure, she said she loved me but I knew that didn't mean that she wanted a future. I don't know what changed her mind but something did and I'm not going to question it.

This season is too short and needs too much focus for us to start making decisions about how we're going to do it. We can talk about it at the end of the season. I guess Sloan will continue to work for the Pens full time. I know she won't want to quit working and I wouldn't want her to if it makes her happy. We'll have to make some adjustments when we have kids but we'll figure it out. We both want it to work so we'll figure it all out. I wonder what the guys will say when they find out. At least Sloan doesn't make player decisions in Communications so there isn't any conflict and the guys all think she's cool and hot. If she's working for the Pens then she'll travel with us and have summers off too. It will be perfect.

I can't turn my brain off to sleep. I'm not worried; in fact I don't know when I've been happier. We might win the President's trophy this year. We'll definitely be at the top of the Eastern Conference. The team is doing great. I should be back in the playoffs if not before they start. I'm in love with an incredible woman and we have a great life ahead of us. After the last two years, it's so good to finally have things looking up. When I got hit by that puck, I starting wondering what the fuck was going on. I can't seem to catch a break. Now that things are working with Sloan and the doctor is happy with how I'm healing, things are definitely looking up. I look over at Sloan sleeping beside me. The pale light leaking through the blinds washes over her and makes her bare skin showing glow. Sloan had to work this afternoon but at least she didn't have to go back to the office. We spent the evening in bed making love. I fell asleep as soon as the lights went off but now it's 4am and I'm wide awake. I think about waking Sloan up, she loves it when I do that, but I know that she was exhausted. She's been trying to balance taking care of me with her work and it's catching up with her.

Since I'm awake, I take the opportunity to think about my reaction to Joe. In the late night, or maybe it's early morning, I can admit that I was jealous because I was insecure and I know exactly why; while tried to convince myself that Sloan would come around I didn't truly believe it. I never truly believed that she would stay, that she would be able to commit to something more. In fact, I was convinced that it wouldn't happen. My 4am revelation is that I was terrified and that's not an easy thing to know. I've always been able to push through anything. If there was a challenge then I solved it. Even my concussion was solved, eventually. Hearing about Sloan's violent past convinced me that this wasn't going to last no matter what I told myself. I didn't want to admit it but there it is.

"Sid, I can hear how loud you're thinking. What's up?" I look over and Sloan hasn't moved but her eyes are open, sleepy and looking at me. "There's nothing wrong, my mind is just going." She brushes the hair from my forehead and smiles. "Going with happy thoughts I hope." Now I smile "yeah. I know we still need to figure everything out but yeah they are happy thoughts." At least that's partially true. My thoughts have ended happy. We're together and that's all that matters now. "You never did give me the details about what the doctor said." Hmm, I guess that I didn't. "He's really happy with what he's seeing. I need to keep taking the antibiotics but he doesn't see any sign of infection. He'll look at me in another week and we'll see if I can start really working out. I can start eating food as long as I don't chew." She laughs and says "so mashed potatoes, squash, mushed peas, basically baby food." "Yeah" I tell her. "That's about it. At least it's better than the shakes. I mean, you've been very invented but I would really like something that doesn't have protein powder in it." "You've lost weight already" she says. "Yeah, seven pounds since it happened. Some guys can lose fifty pounds if they have their jaws wired shut." We lay side by side looking into each other's eyes for a few moments. There's something about it being so early in the morning and so quiet that makes me feel like we're the only people in the world. I love these moments and "I love you" I tell her. As I watch her eyes they soften and she smiles. "I love you Sidney. I don't know how it happened but I've stopped caring about trying to figure it out. I'm grateful that it happened and I've never been happier. I need you to know that you have made me happier than anyone in my life ever has or could." Now it's my turn to melt. She doesn't express how she feels often but when she does it always takes my breath away. "And that make me happy" I tell her. I roll onto my back and open my arms for her to cuddle in. Sloan slides beside me and into my arms. Her naked body is warm and soft. I can hear and feel her sigh sweetly. "I hate to say it but I'm going to need to travel with the team Sid. We have the next two games at home and then we leave for three days." I never thought about her having to travel with the team and leaving me here. I'm not usually the one that gets left. Usually I do the leaving. "Yeah, I guess people will notice if you don't go." She tilts her head up at me and says "true but I also have a job to do. The team is doing well but they still need me. They're still green in the way we're now doing things. I hate to leave but I have to go." I know she's right but that doesn't mean that I like it. "Yeah, I know. I'm going to miss you." She kisses my bare chest, up my neck and over my check until she reaches my lips. We kiss softly, I am still in some pain, and I feel her leg slide over mine. "Are you trying to start something Ms Burkle?" She bits on my ear lobe and says "if you have to ask …" I chuckle. Yeah, I could do this for the rest of my life.

We are both startled when the phone rings. I look at the clock and it's 4:30am. Who the fuck is calling at this hour? I answer it and it's my mom. "Hi Sidney. I'm sorry to wake you but it's Nana. She passed away about an hour ago."


	38. Chapter 38

The past three days have been very difficult on Sidney. He lost his Nana, who he was very close to, a whirlwind few days traveling to PEI and now we're on our way back to Pittsburgh. As I think back to that night when Sid received the call from his mom to tell him his Nana died, I can still see the look on his face when he asked me to go home with him. I knew that I should say no, people definitely are going to notice that I'm gone this time. I also knew that I was going with him. His family was very surprised to see me with him but no one really asked questions. The moment that Sid introduced me to his family as his friend, they accepted me and welcomed me. I can see where Sid gets his warmth from. His dad is a gruff teddy bear of a man. His mom is sweet and kind.

I look over at Sid now as we fly back. He has a movie on that he's staring at but I know that he's not watching it. There are dark circles under his eyes and he's very pale. He has been so strong and so supportive to his family throughout our trip. He's also had to be 'on' for everyone who wanted to talk hockey. He hasn't had any time to think or take care of himself. I couldn't be with him alone at all. We stayed with his aunt's house, who insisted, and I shared a room with his sister. I want to do something to take his pain away but I know that there is nothing I can but I have to try. I undo my seat belt, raise the arm between our seats and pull Sidney to me. I don't care if anyone in first class sees us. He resists for a moment and is confused but the minute Sid's head rests against me he let's go. I stroke his hair as he silently cries against me. It breaks my heart that he's so sad but I know that he needs this release. When Sid stops and slow raises his head, I wipe away the tears on his face then give him some tissue. He blows his nose and looks at me. "Thank you" he simply says. I lean into him and kiss his cheek. "What else can I do for you?" I ask him. He gives me a small smile and says "you're doing it." I slide next to him and under his arm. I feel him take a deep breath, let it out and kiss the top of my head. I can feel that his body is more relaxed and the waves of stress have stopped coming off of him. I know now that I made the right decision coming with Sid on this trip. There is definitely going to be some fall out. The team is going to know I went with Sid and that means that the entire organization will too. I guess everyone's reaction is going to give us a preview of how they may react to a long term relationship between us.

We start to descend and are told to prepare to landing. Sid and I gather our things. Thankfully we both have only carry on so we don't have to wait for our bags. It's very late and there aren't many at the airport. We manage to get to Sid's car and out of parking easily. Sid suggested that we go to my hotel tonight since it's closer and I need clothes for tomorrow. He drops me at the front door while he parks and goes in the back door. I drag myself through the lobby and could fall asleep against the wall in the elevator. It even takes me three tries to get my key to work in the door. I'm surprised that there is a light on in the living room. I guess they did turn-down service tonight.

"And where have you been young lady?" I'm stunned to hear my father's voice. I walk into the living room and he's sitting in a chair with his iPad. "I come to Pittsburgh to watch my team play and, to my surprise, I find out that my daughter disappeared for two days, was back for two days and then disappeared again. No one could tell me where she went; or would tell me is probably more accurate. Of course it didn't take me long to put it together. So you and Crosby, huh? It had to be the fucking franchise player Sloan." I'm too stunned to respond to him. He stands and walks over to me. "Sloan I thought you would have learned your lesson about dipping your pen in the company ink. Haven't you learned to stay away from my employees?" Oh my God! Did my father just say that to me? Did he just tell me that being battered and abused should have taught me a lesson? I still can't say anything. He has always been like this so why am I still so surprised when he blames me for what happened?

"Ron, if you want to talk about Sloan and I then maybe you should talk to us both." I turn to see Sidney at the door. This is a nightmare. I can't believe this is happening. "Sidney" I begin but my father moves around me to shake hands with him. "Hi Sid, it's good to see you. I'm so sorry about your grandmother." Sid nods and says "thank you Ron. I think we should all discuss this together." I can tell that my father is very unhappy but Sid is his franchise player, as he just said, so he is trying to figure out what to say. "Sid, I understand that you'd like to be involved but this is really between my daughter and me." Sid nods and I can see my father begins to relax. That completely changes when Sid says "I understand Ron but this is about Sloan and I so I will be involved in the conversation." I look between the two men and have no idea what to do. It's a test of wills now. My father knows that he's the boss because he owns the team but this isn't like business. Sid is the talent regardless of who is paying the bills. Like a movie star, he might be an employee but he holds all the cards. I see my father clamp down on his anger then he responds "I understand that Sid but this is between Sloan and me as she's my daughter and my employee." I can feel myself begin to shake and I cross my arms so that no one can see. Of course the two men are staring at each other and may have even forgotten that I'm in the room. Finally my father says "this has been a long couple of days for you both. Why don't we call it a night and we can catch up tomorrow?" He says this like there's nothing wrong; we can 'catch up'. I know that it's what my father calls a 'strategic retreat' because he doesn't want to have this conversation in front of Sid. I can see that Sid doesn't recognize this because he relaxes, smiles and says "that's a great idea Ron. It has been a very long couple of weeks actually." My father shakes Sid's hand and, when Sid has turned towards the door, my father leans in to kiss my cheek and says "7am, my office" then continues after Sid.

I don't wait for my father to leave. Instead, I go into the bedroom and unpack then I start the shower and make it scalding. I hate the way I feel and even smell after being on a plane for a few hours. There's also the problem with regulating my body temperature. I'm always cold when a reaction sets in like it just did. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, I was able to keep it in check, but I always get super cold and chilled to the bone. I hear a soft knock and then Sid comes into the shower and wraps his arms around me. "I guess it could have been worse" he says softly. I lean my head back against him and slide his hands up from my stomach to my breasts. Sid softly kisses my neck but I need more. I turn so that I'm facing him and take his lips with my own. I'm way too needy right now and don't even notice Sid flinch slightly in pain when I kiss him hard. When I need to catch my breath, I lean back slightly and say "please make love to me." It comes out partially as a sob and I can tell Sid is concerned but he nods. He grabs the shower nozzle and rinses me off since I'm still covered with soap. He shuts the water off and grabs two towels. He uses one to run over my body until I'm dry and he wraps it around me. After quickly drying himself, he sweeps me up in his arms and carries me to the bed where he very gently lays me down.

Sid slides onto the bed beside me and takes my cheek gently in his hand. He sweeps his thumb over my cheek and then my lips. When he replaces his thumb with his lips I can only sigh. This is what I needed. Sidney always makes me feel safe and loved. The tiny sips he takes from my lips take us on a gentle exploration. I almost feel abandoned when his lips leave mine but they travel over my jaw and to my ear lobe. I can feel his breath when he whispers "I love you Sloan. I will always love you. You are safe with me. I'll always keep you safe." I can feel his words deep inside my heart. His lips come back to mine and he opens my towel so that his hand can explore my exposed skin. He lightly skims his fingers over every peak and valley. I feel my body respond to his every touch and graze. I can feel his touch deep inside me and very much lower than my heart. Sidney slowly and skillfully glides me through my haze so that I can focus on nothing and no one but him. When he slides his hand between my thighs he does so with such ease and tenderness. He slips between my folds effortlessly until he's found my core. His lips take mine again as his fingers explore. I open for him everywhere. His tongue slips through my lips and his fingers, oh his fingers, they are magic when then slip inside of me. I am overwhelmed by the sensations. It feels like Sidney is everywhere. I feel his body against mine, his heart beating over my heart and his hands and lips stirring up all kinds of sensations. It is suddenly vitally important that I feel him inside of me. I know that I'm not completely ready but I need to feel him at one with me.

I shift so that I pull him over me and between my legs. His hand comes from between my legs so that he can hold himself up. When I reach down to guide him in, he puts a hand over mine and stops me. "Sloan, not yet" but I can't wait. I look up at him pleading with him and I can feel tears coming down my cheeks. I line him up and simply say "please" only it comes out on a sob. Sidney very slowly enters me and I feel the exact thing I needed, Sid. He stays still and leans down to kiss me. No matter how much I shift, Sid won't thrust, he will only keep himself completely still although deep inside of me. As he kisses me and I feel every part of where his warm skin is touching mine, I can feel myself getting wetter. I feel the strength and power of his body throughout every inch of mine. Sid pushes my legs wide apart and slips his hand between us to play with my clit. He rubs and teases until he knows that I'm ready, more than ready, and I pull him up to my lips again. He slowly pulls out and then just as slowly pushes back inside of me. I can't keep he moan inside of me. I tilt my hips so that he can go even deeper. Now he quickens the pace and moans are coming from me as quickly as his thrusts. I meet his every thrust and can feel the pressure build. I look up into his eyes right before my orgasm takes me and I pull Sid close to me as he finds his release too.

Sidney takes me with him when he rolls to his side so that we are face to face. I look into his eyes and they are filled with love and sadness. He wipes away my tears. "I love you so much Sidney." He leans in and kisses my lips, my cheek and then my brow. "And I love you Sloan." I can see the question on his face. He wants to ask me if I'm ok. He wants to ask what happened. All I can give him is "thank you for being exactly what I need. Thank you for taking care of me even when I'm supposed to be taking care of you." I smile at him and get one in return. "I'll be right back" he tells me and slips out of bed. I pull all of the covers over me and settle back to wait. I hear the shower running. Oh yeah, I guess I didn't give him a chance to shower earlier. When he comes back to bed, he turns off all of the lights as he goes. As soon as he slips into bed, I cuddle up next to him into his arms open for me. "I guess you'll be gone when I wake up, huh?" He asks me so I tell him "not unless you want to be up at 6am." He cringes and replies "no, I definitely don't need to see 6am. Will you meet me at my place for dinner? Stay over?" As if he really has to ask. "Of course" I tell him but then I'm really uncertain what's going to happen after I talk to my father. It doesn't matter, I'm not giving up Sid.


	39. Chapter 39

As we both predicted, Sid was still asleep at 6am and didn't as much as move a muscle when I showered and dressed for work. Now, as I get ready in my office to meet my father, I think back to last night and my vow not to give up on us. I realize now, in the harsh light of day, that I still feel that way; I'm not giving up on Sid and me. It's complicated, very complicated, but I wouldn't want easy. Nothing worth having is ever easy although, as I look at my watch and see it's almost seven, I wish that this part could be easier. I have no idea what to expect from my father and as terrified as I am, I'm also resolute in my feelings. My father is going to have to just get over it.

I take the short walk in confident strides. When I get there, his office door is closed. Of course it's closed; it's a power play to make me knock. I do and hear him call "come in." After entering, I close the door behind me and step further into the office. My father is sitting behind his desk; another power play to make me sit in the guest chair. This isn't a father/daughter talk. This is an employee/boss talk. I sit in the chair and wait for him to begin. He takes his time about it.

"Sloan, I require an explanation for your behaviour." He doesn't even ask how I am. I've known him and his games for too long to be sucked into them. "To what behaviour are you specially referring?" Now he frowns, he always frowns when I don't fall in line. "You know damn well what behaviour; don't get sassy with me young lady?" I have to take a deep breath but I don't give in. "Father, there seem to be so many things that I do in which you don't agree that I have to ask the question." Now his frown turns into a scowl. This really isn't going the way he wanted it to go. "Sloan, you know exactly what I'm talking about. We have all employees sign a non-fraternizing agreement when they join the organization for a reason. I would think you'd understand why we need these more than most." I absorb the slap at the end without letting the wound show. Will he always blame me? "Father, I didn't sign one. In fact, I didn't sign anything when I came here. You were going to have something sent to me and I guess you got caught up in the labour dispute and never did." He frowns and I can tell that he remembers. He sits back now and considers his next move. I see a light come into his eyes and it worries me. "You may not have but Crosby did." The minute he said it, he knew how absurd he sounded. As if the Pens would ever do anything to their franchise player. "But I'm not talking legalities little girl; I'm talking about what's right." He knows I hate it when he calls me 'little girl' and it takes everything I have not to rise to the bait. Instead I say "if you're talking about what's right then you should know that my team knew how to reach me at all times over the days that I was gone. What's happening between Sid and me has not affected this team or my job one bit. So if I'm not breaking a contract and it isn't affecting the business then what is the problem?" I can see his face getting redder now. He tries to maintain his cool but can't. Finally, he says "I will not be put in the position to clean up another one of your messes. I will not have you damaging another one of my star employees because you fancy yourself in love. This won't happen this time Sloan. I won't allow it!" I don't know if it's because I've finally had enough or because I know what I have with Sidney is true and deep; but, I decide that I can't just let my father tell me what to do and I'm not running away this time. "This isn't something that you can decree from your perch atop the mountain father. I don't 'fancy' myself in love, I am in love. Sid and I have decided that we are going to make this work. He is a decent, kind and loving man. This will not end never mind end badly. There might be backlash when it's public because you've kept any pictures with Sid and women out of the press so far but we'll get through it. Oh, guess what, the Pens will survive it too." I didn't realize that I had raised my voice until I yelled the last word. I can tell how worked up I am; I'm breathing heavy and I know that I must be flushed. It feels good though, to finally express myself to my father rather than taking his lashes and staying silent. "Do you feel better now Sloan. You've had your little tantrum. Can we now act like adults? I know that there is a certain appeal with these young men and I know you'd want the pick of the litter; but, you need to hear me clearly when I say that this is over. I will not have it. I own this team and I will not have you destroying it." "You don't own me" I respond softly. He simply tilts his head and asks "don't I? Does Sid know about your past?" Before I can answer him, he continues "your whole past Sloan." Although I try to hide it, he can see the acknowledgment in my eyes. "Ah, you've told him some but not all of it. I bet I can guess what you left out. You will end this Sloan. You will end it now and you will end it without any blood spilled. I don't want my star player damaged. We need Sid too much." I sigh; should a father think that way about his daughter. Should a father put his company ahead of his own daughter? The underlying threat in his tone doesn't get past me. I either end it with Sid or else my father will. Would he really be that spiteful? No sooner does the question flash through my mind when the answer follows it; yes, he would. "Know when you've been beat little girl. You won't win this one and you know it." We stare at each other for a few moments then I stand and walk to the door. "Sloan?" He calls after me. I don't turn around. Instead I simply say "fine, you win." As I shut his door behind me, I hear him say "I always do."

* * *

I wake up to a note but for the first time I'm not unhappy to see it. I know it's because Sloan had to go into work early. In fact, I should probably get used to notes in the morning. We will most likely never get up at the same time in the morning for the rest of our lives. We may work for the same place but we most definitely have different schedules.

I think about last night and it is both wonderful and heartbreaking. It was wonderful because Sloan turned to me for comfort. She needed me and I don't think she's ever truly done that before; I'm usually forcing the issue. Last night she needed me in a way I don't think I've ever been needed before. It's interesting to me that in 25 years I've never really understood the phrase "feel like a man." Of course I feel like a man but not in the way that you know people use that phrase. Last night, when Sloan turned to me and I told her that I would always take care of her, I truly understood what that phrase meant. It is that true intimacy that you don't get through sex. You get it through your soul reaching out to another's soul. Oh fuck, the guys most definitely should never know I even thought that sappy stuff, ever.

I stretch and grab my phone. Hmm, I thought I might have a text from Sloan but there's nothing there. I wonder if she talked to her father. I should have got up early and talked to Ron myself but I didn't really think about it last night. Ron left in a good mood so I figured that he was fine. As I think about it now, he has never changed his mind that quickly. He knows his mind and never deviates. I've never known anyone to change his mind, ever. Damnit, I should have woken early to go see him with Sloan. I text her now 'did you see your dad'? I wait and don't hear anything back. I guess she could be in a meeting but even then she usually sends me something back. I have a bad feeling deep inside about this; shit! I should have gone with her. I get up and decide against a shower. I'll do it at the rink after I work out.

When I get to Consol, I try to head up to the offices but it seems like the world is conspiring against me. First I run into Kadar who wants to talk about rehab after the doctor gives the ok. Then Dan catches me and wants to chat. Just when I think I'm going to kill the next person who stops me, I manage to slip into the elevator and up to the offices. Thank God I don't see anyone else. When I get to Sloan's office, it's empty. Her iPad and laptop are gone. I go inside and look around her desk. Her briefcase and purse are gone. It's like she completely cleared out of here. I text her again 'where are you'? I head back downstairs and still don't get a response from Sloan. Finally, I give up and change into work out gear. At least I can work off some of this stress. I get on the treadmill and in short order I'm running. This is exactly what I need. Some of the guys stop over to talk and the gym fills up with more guys. It's an optional skate today so some are working out instead of skating. While guys may opt out of skating but they will usually still work out. I feel better as I start sweating and breathing hard. Yep, this is what I need. I see some of the guys going to the door and I look over as Ron comes into view. He's shaking hands and talking to guys. When he looks over at me, he nods and I see the look in his eyes. That's when I know that he talked to Sloan and it's not good. What the fuck happened? I get off the treadmill and head into the change room to get my phone. There is still no response from Sloan so I call her. It goes right to voice mail. Shit. Where is she? I want to go to Ron and punch him. I always thought he was such a good guy. I guess he is until you cross him.

I shower and dress quickly. I apologize to the guys who try to stop me by making some excuse about a media thing. They're used to me having to do that stuff. I peal out of the parking garage and head directly to Sloan's hotel room. At the last minute, I remember to park around the back and take that elevator. I almost run down the hall to her room. Once inside, I look around and she's not here. Where the fuck is she? I sit on the bed and try to think this through. Does her father really have that kind of power over her that she would do whatever he told her? I look up and then I have my answer: her closet is empty. I look in the bathroom and all of her stuff is gone there too. How could she just leave? How could she just leave me? She said that she loved me. She said that she was 'all in' and wanted a future with me. I shouldn't be surprised and yet I am. After last night, every fear I still had disappeared. Now, oh God, now it hurts that much more because I believed her when she said she wanted to figure this out. How could I have been so stupid? Didn't I have enough evidence over the past months to know that this wasn't going to work? She told me over and over again that it wouldn't but I thought I could convince her. Should you really have to convince someone who loves you that they should stay? That they should make a future with you?

I hear the door open and go running to it. The disappointment rises like bile in my throat when I see that it's the cleaning staff. "Oh, I'm sorry sir. We were told that the guests had checked out of the room." Checked out? That's the last nail in the coffin; she really is gone. To think it is bad but to have it put right in my face like this is truly destroying me. The worst thing is that I can't talk to anyone about it. I'm not going to talk to my parents about my love life; that's just not going to happen. I also can't talk to Mario because it would put him right in the middle between Ron and Sloan. What am I going to do? I thank the cleaner and leave the room. I really have no idea where I'm going to go now. I can't skate, I can't play and now I've lost my girl. I need something. As I make my way out to my car, I make the decision. I hit the call button and it only rings twice before it's picked up. "Oui hello" I smile when I hear Flower's voice. "Hey Flower, are you at home? Can I stop over?" "Of course" Flower tells me and I end the call.

It doesn't take me long to get to the Fleury's home. Marc meets me at the door with a huge grin he seems to always be wearing. When he looks at my face, his smile disappears and he moves back to let me in. We go back to the kitchen and Vero is at the counter with two dishes; one of soup and one with a sandwich and salad. "Hey V, I'm sorry. I'm interrupting your lunch." She shakes her head and says "no, I made this for you both." She puts them on the table, kisses Marc and then my cheek before she waddles out of the room. When I'm sure she's gone, I say to Marc "is she going to burst? She just keeps getting bigger and bigger." Marc laughs and says "don't tell her that mon ami." I chuckle and we both sit down to eat. Marc digs in right away but I'm already feeling nauseous so I don't eat straight away. I finally just sit back and watch as Flower eats. He stays silent knowing that I need to come to it in my own time. I finally just take a deep breath and then let it all out. I tell him about how Sloan and I started, how we fell in love and how we decided on a life together. I gloss over Sloan's past, it's not my story to tell, but I do tell him she had a very difficult past and lastly about Ron. When I've finally purged my heart and soul, I sit back and wait for Marc to say something. He finishes off his lunch and sits back too. "Sid, getting hit by a puck to the jaw wasn't enough?" He actually makes me laugh; only Flower could do that today. "You know me Flower, I'm a glutton for punishment." He leans forward and says "do you really love her?" He looks straight at me and the answer comes from my heart "yes." "Then you need to find her and figure it out." I think about it and I'm not sure that he's right. "Marc, I don't know. I feel like I've been chasing her for so long and all I am is tired." He smiles at me and says "that's love mon ami. You always feel like the ground underneath you is unstable at all times." "Marc, is it supposed to be this hard?" He chuckles and says "Sid, we play hockey, we know how much work anything that matters takes." He's right but still ... "I don't want to sound like a girl but she's stomped on my heart so many times. Now, right now, I can't believe that she's done it again." Marc gets up and goes into a kitchen cupboard. He gets a bottle and a glass. "You're going to have to drink alone since I'm starting next game but I think you really need a drink; or maybe more than one." I look at the bottle and maybe Marc's right. I take the glass he's poured and down it quickly. Yeah, this might be the exact right idea.


	40. Chapter 40

I wake up suddenly and need to vomit. Thankfully I get to the toilet in time and all the scotch I drank last night with Flower empties. There might have been some stomach lining too. The last thing I remember is telling Marc how lucky he is to have a good woman like Vero and then he helped me into the spare room to pass out. I don't think it was even 4pm. Looking at my watch now, I see that it's 3am. I feel disgusting, smell disgusting and really just want my own bed so I make the bed and then head downstairs. The light is on in the kitchen so I head there. Vero is sitting at the kitchen table with her iPad and a cup of tea. When I enter the room, she looks up and a sympathetic looks falls on her face. "You look horrible Sid. Can I get you anything?" If Vero is telling me that I look horrible then I must look close to death. She has is always the upbeat and happy person. "Thanks V, no. I'm going to head home. I think I need to drown myself in a shower and then a bottle of aspirin. Thankfully I've slept for twelve hours and emptied my stomach. I'm definitely sober." She chuckles and then stands. I go to her and help; I don't know how she does it on her own. She is so tiny and looks like she swallowed a beach ball. "Thanks Sid" she says and tries to give me a hug. I pull away and say "I smell foul V." She waves away my words with her hand and pulls me in for a hug. "Sid, you are going to be just fine. There is a girl out there for you who will love you and want to be with you for the rest of your life. Don't give up hope." I feel tears come to my eyes as Vero whispers this in my ear. I thought I found the girl but I lost her and I don't think I'm going to be fine. I thank Vero and she walks me to the door.

The drive home is short since my house is close and there is no one on the street. After the gate opens and I drive in, I stop hard enough to be jerked by the seat belt. Sitting in my driveway is Sloan's car! She's here. She didn't leave me. I'm so excited that I don't even close the garage door. Instead, I run into the house and up to the bedroom. She's not there. I check the bathroom and all of the other rooms upstairs but don't find her. I run back downstairs and into the family room. The TV is on and Sloan is asleep on the sofa with a blanket over her. She looks very pale and there are dark circles under her eyes. I want to let her sleep but I've been through hell the last day and really need to see her beautiful blue eyes. I'm saved from having to wake her when those eyes open and look up at me. "Sid?" she asks softly. I kneel on the floor in front of her and cup her face softly. "Hi baby" I whisper. She smiles, her dimple winks and I lose it. I gather her close and must be crushing her to me but I don't care. I thought I lost her and nothing has every torn at my heart more. "Sid, as happy as I am to finally see you here, you stink." I pull back as we both chuckle. Her eyes change from laughter to concern and she cups both of my cheeks. "What's wrong? Actually, what time is it? I must have fallen asleep here." "It's almost 4am and I was at Flowers sleeping off too much scotch. When you didn't respond to my texts and then I saw your dad at Consol, I was worried." She looks confused for a moment and then it hits her. "Oh" is all she says as she sits up and makes room for me on the sofa. I sit down beside her and don't know quite how to begin so I start where my day began wondering "did you talk to your father today?" She frowns now and looks down at her hands. "Yes" she says softly and then takes a deep breath. "Last night, or is it two nights ago now, anyway when you were walking to the door to let him out, he whispered to me to meet him in his office this morning." I guess I was right. Ron didn't change his mind, he just changed tactics. Sloan is still looking down at her hands and continues "so I did. It got ugly Sid, really, really ugly." I grab her hands now and kiss them then tell her "this morning I knew that I should have gone with you. I knew it." She looks at me now with wet eyes. "It wouldn't have changed anything Sid. If he wanted to talk to me alone then he was going to do it. Anyway, it got really ugly, he got really ugly. I finally agreed to his demand that I break up with you." I stay quiet but I feel like a fist is squeezing my heart. "I agreed and left. I tried to work but couldn't focus so I went back to my hotel. Before I knew what I was doing, I packed up everything and was driving here. I saw your texts but didn't know what to say so I thought I would talk to you when you got here. I fell asleep and didn't wake until now." I'm hopeful but I've been hopeful before. "What does this mean Sloan?" She takes a deep breath "it means that I can't leave you; won't leave you. Sidney, I love you so much." Now I let out a breath that I think I've been holding for the last day. "What have you told your father?" She shakes her head and answers "nothing. I'll let him think what he wants until the end of season and then we'll deal with it then. Let's focus on getting you healthy and winning a Stanley Cup. Nothing else has changed. We'll still figure the rest out later. Oh, I guess something has changed; I've moved in." She gives me a shy smile and my heart beats again. I cup her face gently and kiss her lips. When we pull back she says "I do love you but, Sid, you really, really stink." We laugh and I stand taking her with me. "I'll have a shower and then we can go to sleep." She nods and we head upstairs. I veer off to the bathroom while she heads to the bed. In the shower, I indulge in a very hot drowning for a few minutes. Brushing my teeth after the shower makes me almost feel human again. I see Sloan sitting up in bed and a glass of water with an aspirin bottle on my night stand. She smiles at me as I make my way, naked, to the bed. I do manage to take the aspirin before I flop into bed. Sloan cuddles up next to me and I feel more centred and have my feet more firmly planted on steady ground. I also think that Marc is right; you never have the ground completely level with the right woman. "You know" Sloan begins "we never did talk about my simply moving in here." I can hear the concern in her voice although she's trying to keep it light. I kiss the top of her head and say "this way I don't have to convince you. Go to sleep." I shut my eyes but can't prevent the sigh as Sloan snuggles closer. It looks like we're both home.

When I wake up, Sloan is still sleeping beside me. It seems neither of us moved during the night since we're still tangled up together. I look at the clock and it's 9am. Sloan is not going to be happy that she slept so late. "Sloan" I whisper in her ear which causes her to bury her head deeper into me. "Come on Sloan, you're definitely late." She only moans but it's an adorable moan. "Sloan it's 9am babe. You have to get up." She moans again but says "nope. Told them I wouldn't be in until noon." She shifts to prop her chin on my chest and looks up at me. "I was hoping we could have the morning together. Get that look off of your face Sid, I think we should talk." I guess she's right. We really need do need to talk. "Yeah, I think we do." Now I'm not sure what to say. "Let's start with my father. Please don't let what's happened here affect what you think of him as an owner Sid. He still is a brilliant businessman and will financially keep this team successful." I can't believe she's saying this; how can she think I'd be able to even tolerate him after what he's done to Sloan. Before I can say anything she continues "I know what you're going to say and I truly love you for it. I want you to think this through Sid with your head and not your heart." I stop and do as she asks. After some rather nasty thoughts, I finally agree that she's right, I know that she's right and I hate that I can't just punch him. "Ok, I get it Sloan. I need to separate business from personal. How do you do it? He's treated you so badly. How do you continue to treat him as a father? You even did him a favour and came her for him." I didn't want to ask her but I need to understand. She closes her eyes for a moment and then looks at me again. "It's complicated" she says and then laughs. "Actually, if I'm honest, it's decidedly simple. He's my father. Regardless of what he's said or done, he's my father Sid." As much as I hate what she's saying, I admire it too. How could she have believed that she couldn't love or be loved? The loyalty she's showing her father is misplaced, to my point of view, but it is admirable and makes me love her even more. "I don't necessarily agree with you Sloan but I love you and will respect your decision." She gives me her beautiful smile that I only see in moments like this and aimed at me. "Thank you Sid. So we just need to make sure we keep this away from my father. I feel like a teenager saying that but you get how complicated this is, right?" I don't know why or how but I do get it. "Yeah, I do Sloan. Now, let's talk about something much more interesting. So you've moved in, huh? I'm living with a girl." She smiles again and says "yeah, you're living with a girl. Got a problem with that Sidney?" I chuckle now. It's the first time I've lived with a woman and I'm really, really happy about it. "I guess I can put up with you." She gives me a look with one eyebrow raised. "Ok fine, I'm really very happy that you've moved in. You can help me decorate this place as it's finished. We have some time before all of the construction is finished." I notice that her smile has diminished slightly. "You don't like to decorate?" I ask her. "It's not that Sid. I know that it's just decorating but you're moving really fast. There is a lot to figure out still and it's not going to be easy. There is SO much that we haven't talked about. My job for instance. Where we live at different times of the year. I know that it's Pitts during the season. Anyway, we don't need to talk about it now. I need to know that you understand that this isn't as simple as decorating a house." It all makes sense so I reply "I do and I need you to know that we will figure it all out." She looks contemplative for a moment and then says "ok."

Wow, we've actually made progress in our relationship. We're talking about a future together. I'm so excited. Actually, I can tell that I'm very excited. Looking at the clock, I see we still have two hours; perfect. I push Sloan until our positions are reversed. "So you've got me Crosby, what are you to do to me?" She asks in a very sexy tone. Oh yeah, I'm going to make great use of these hours.

* * *

When Sid wasn't home, I freaked out a little bit. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. My father is blackmailing me and I let him. It made me nauseous, physically nauseous at the thought of never being with Sidney again. The truth is going to come out, whether I do it or my father; it's going to come out. That will be the last piece of the puzzle for Sid. Then the decision will be his. He'll decide if he can still love me or not. I'm terrified; everything I've always dreamed of but thought was completely out of my reach, is right here. Now I'm terrified of living without Sid. He told me he loves me. He vowed that her would never hurt me and would always take care of me. I have to believe in that; I have to believe in him.

I wanted to answer his messages or pick up when he called but I really didn't know what I was going to say. I knew that I would know when I saw his beautiful face; and I did. When I opened my eyes and saw him, I truly thought that I was dreaming but then he touched me. I'm feeding off of Sid's enthusiasm and have decided to look at the positive instead of the alternative. My mind keeps wandering to the challenges ahead but I put it aside and focus on here and now.

As I lie under Sid now, I feel so much love I think my heart might burst. He kisses down my neck, I give a silent thank you that his jaw is getting better, and then lower. His lips skim over the swells of my breasts and then he flicks his tongue over my nipple. My hips grind against his as he does it over and over again. He moves to the other one and my nails dig into his shoulders. He kisses lower now traveling over my stomach. His hands slowly press my legs open further for him. Once there, he uses his fingers to open me wide. I feel his tongue flick over my clit and I cry out. "You are so fucking hot" I hear Sid say. He takes a full lick and then pushes his tongue inside me. He swirls his tongue around and all the nerve endings there come alive. He slides his tongue back up to my clit and pushes down with the flat of his tongue. I feel him shift but his tongue stays put. When I feel two fingers enter me his tongue flicks my clit at the same time, a loud moan escapes my lips. "That's it babe, I want to hear you scream." Oh God, his words spur me on as much as his mouth and fingers. It's like he's assaulting all of my senses. I moan again and his fingers and tongue go faster. "Scream for me Sloan" oh God. When did he get so aggressive? Where did this come from? I hope he doesn't stop; anything. My hips begin to move with his fingers. "That's it Sloan, scream for me, I want to hear you scream my name." He is so fucking hot and, oh God. I don't even finish my thought. The orgasm takes over my brain but I do hear myself scream his name before I go semi-conscious. I try to recover but Sid won't let me. He starts licking me up. Everything that dripped out he's licking me clean. I feel myself begin to shake. He didn't even let me come down and he's taking me up again. His tongue moves so fast that I'm having trouble keeping up. He slides up my body now and captures my lips. I can taste myself on his lips. He reaches down and fingers me. He bites my lip and pushes his fingers deep inside me and finds that spot that makes me scream again. I soak his hand as I cum again. I can't even open my eyes. I feel Sid slide over me and then inside of me. "Look at me" he says. I try to open my eyes but they're too heavy. "Look at me" he demands again and I do. His eyes are searing mine as he begins to move. I don't even know how I find the energy but I meet each of his thrusts. The whole time we're staring into each other's eyes. I hear the slap of our bodies together. I'm soaking him now. After the two other orgasms, I'm soaked and getting ready to cum again. "Your mine" Sid says. "Tell me that your mine." I try to speak but I can feel the feelings over taking me. "Tell me!" Sid demands again. "I'm yours" I say before I completely fall apart. I feel heat and chill invade every part of my body at once. I even begin to shake.

When I finally begin to rise out of my fog, I feel Sid's heavy body on top of me. He's flaccid but still between my legs. I wrap my legs and arms around him to hold him there. He takes a deep breath and then reverses our positions. When I'm on top of him, I push myself up and look at his red and sweaty face. I brush the curls away from his forehead and kiss his lips. "Where did all of that come from?" I ask him. He chuckles and replies "I don't know. It just came over me. Was it ok?" I take his lips with mine and then bite the bottom one. When I pull back, I say "much, much more than ok." We both chuckle now and I slide off of Sid so that we are side by side facing each other. I brush more curls from his face. "Your hair is getting longer." I tell him. "Should I get it cut?" he asks. I look at his hair and reply "no. I love it longer. There are more curls now and I love them." Sid actually blushes. "Awe, you are so cute when you blush baby." Of course that makes him go even redder. I kiss his cheek. "By the way, you were incredible Sidney. I mean, you're always great but this was off the charts. I couldn't keep track." Oh God, Sid is so cute. He looks so proud of himself; he should. I snuggle closer. "I wish we could stay here all day" Sid says. For a moment, or more than a moment, I consider doing it but I can't. I don't even know if my father is still in town. "I do too but I have to go in. I have update and planning meetings all afternoon. I really need to spend some time with my guys. Sam wanted to talk to me about an idea he has for the playoffs. Jerome is on my calendar too although I don't know why." Sid chuckles "I guess you do need to go in huh." He sounds disappointed and that's exactly how I feel too. "Regardless of my father, I made a commitment to the team, to Mario, and I need to fulfill that promise." He smiles down at me and kisses me. "Although that's one of the reasons I love you, I can't say that I'm happy about it today." "I'll be back tonight, early if I can. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day with the game. Wait, you have a doctor's appointment today, right?" He nods and says "yeah, four root canals. It's going to be brutal but I'll be in less pain in the long run." "Do you need be to drive you?" I ask him. He smiles down at me again and replies "thanks but I'll be ok." Sid suddenly looks serious then says "I know we are going to wait to have all the big discussions but I want you to know something very clearly. I am going to spend the rest of my life with you. We are going to go grow old together with a huge family." I smile and kiss him but he looks puzzled. "Did I go too far?" I guess he sees that I'm not as enthusiastic. I can't be truly happy until Sid knows everything; but, now is not the time. "No, that's exactly what I want too. I love you. We just need to sort it all out." This is as honest as I can be right now and it seems to appease him. "I love you Sidney Crosby. We are going to have a long and happy life together." I kiss him again and it becomes heated quickly. I love touching him and take advantage now that we're facing each other again. I trace my fingers over the planes of his face, over his chin and then down his neck. Even when he's relaxed, I can feel his hard muscles and let my fingers skim them over his chest. "Enjoying yourself?" He asks me. Looking up into his eyes, I see that they are both full of humour and desire. I replace my fingers with my lips and tongue. I kiss and lick my way over his neck and shoulder. I'm enjoying myself too much to stop so I push Sid onto his back to give me more skin to work with and explore. I kiss down his chest, stopping to play with each nipple, and then continue further down. His stomach quivers as I take tiny licks. I move my hand lower to encircle him as I rain kisses over his gorgeous abs. I feel his sharp intake of breath under my lips as I start to stroke him slowly. I can't resist looking up at Sid as I stroke him. His eyes are closed and he's biting his lip; gorgeous. I move lower and hold the base of the shaft while I enclose my lips over his tip. I can taste myself on him. It should be weird but it's not. I take long licks up and down before taking him again with my lips. He pushes deep until he hits the back of my throat. I use my teeth very, very lightly to add a little friction and Sid moans and yells "oh fuck!" I do it again and again then I reach under to grab his balls. I massage them as I bob my head over him. He groans again and I can feel his balls tighten. I squeeze slowly and take him deep in my mouth. He let's go and I feel him empty down my throat. When he's done, I slowly lift my lips off of his now flaccid dick. I slide up beside him and watch his face. Even with his eyes still shut, those gorgeous lips curve into a beautiful smile.

"Ok, now I'm really, really sticky. I have to have a shower." I turn to get out of bed but Sid grabs me and pulls me hard to him. "Sid, seriously, I really need a shower." He kisses the top of my head and says "fine. We'll pick this up again tonight." I make my way naked to the bathroom and can feel Sid's eyes follow me. This was a wonderful way to wake up and especially after the turmoil of the past few days. Actually, it has been difficult since he was hit by that damn puck. Oh well, I need to shower, dress and get to Consol.

As I dress, Sid is lying in bed watching me. "How do those things stay up?" He asks me. I look at him quizzical and ask "what do you mean?" Hi points to my legs and says "those things, how do they stay up?" He means my hose. "They have a band at the top the sort of sticks to my skin. That's how they stay up. Men may love garters but they are very uncomfortable and I hate full hose." He chuckles. I'm struck by how normal, how domestic we sound. This is what we can look forward to for the rest of the season; making love, small moments together, lazy mornings. Well, maybe not the lazy mornings part during the season. Sid needs his sleep and I need to work; which I need to do right now. I walk over to the bed and sit beside him. "Ok, I need to go. Do we have any damage control to do so that we keep this from going everywhere?" Sid thinks for a moment and replies "Flower and Vero aren't going to say anything. Sam isn't either. Then anyone else who suspects or knows is being respectful. The guys may prank and chirp each other but we all respect each other's privacy and the guys are especially respectful of mine. Your father won't hear anything from then." I sigh; I hope he's right. "Ok, I guess we can't control it but it seems in check. I have to go. Text me after your root canal, ok? Let me know how you're doing?" Sid smiles and says "will do. Have a good day." We kiss and I lean in to draw it out a few moments. "Ok, I have to go." We stare at each other for another moment and then I finally stand and walk away.


	41. Chapter 41

The next few days went by quickly. I had more dental work and finally everything that needs to be done before I play has been done. I'll be without my four bottom teeth until after the season is over but that's really just aesthetics. I need to let the jaw fully heal before we look at bottom teeth. I don't care, whatever gets me playing faster. I see the doctor this morning to get the ok to practice. I've worked with Dana to figure out which modified visor might work best. All of them impede my vision when I look down. That sucks for face offs and when the puck is in my feet. There's nothing that I can do about it so when I think about it, I put it aside. If I can't control it then why worry. The thing that always puts a smile on my face is thinking about Sloan. Living with her has been an easy transition. It's even easier since we're having sex every chance we get. I think it's the little things of everyday life that I enjoy most: watching her put on her makeup or iron her hair although I still don't know why it's called ironing; sitting on the bed together and folding clothes which of course leads to sex when I happen upon her g-string or panties. I also think that there is more food in my fridge than ever before. It's nice not to have to go out to get food all the time.

Basically, every day is a new adventure with Sloan. With her father gone, she's much more readily smiles and jokes around. She is still working ridiculous hours but so is all of the office staff as we get closer to the playoffs. The new guys are fitting in really well and the mood is light but determined in the locker room. We've clinched first place now in the eastern conference but I don't think we'll catch the Blackhawks for the President's Trophy. They have been incredible this year and keep getting even better with each game. It's these thoughts that swirl in my brain as I park in the garage at Consol. The top thought is a prayer that the doc will let me skate with the team today. I'll skate on my own first, if I get the ok, but I'd love to do some line rushes with the guys too. There was a problem with the ice so they pushed their practice to the afternoon. It might be a sign that I'll be able to skate with them.

I do all the usual things as I enter the arena, say hi to the same folks, but instead of veering off to the locker room, I head straight to the medical room. I see both the oral surgeon and the team doctor when I enter the room. That's a good sign since it's the team doctor who officially clears me. It seems to take forever for me to hop on the table and then they get there lights situated and look around inside my mouth. It's sore but not painful. When they're done, I sit up and both doctors consult the latest x-ray. When they're done, it's the surgeon who says "everything looks great Sid. There's still no infection and the incision is healing nicely. We are confident that you can get on the ice if you use the protective shield and have no contact. We want to do this one step at a time." I look to the team doctor and he smiles. Woo hoo, I can skate!

When I leave the room, I immediately text Sloan and she sends back 'congrats, now I'll have to visit practice.' I sent a text to my dad and Pat too. When I walk through the players' lounge, a few guys are eating breakfast. Geno looks up and must notice my grin because he says "you skate?" "Yeah, I can skate" I answer him. There's lots of high fives and chirping too. We don't even finish when Kadar pokes his head in the room and yells "you coming sometime today Sid?" Of course he's ready for me. Let the hour of hell with Kadar begin; I can't wait. I warm up and dress quickly. Dana is waiting for at the bench. "Sid, I've attached the shield. It's going to be cumbersome getting in and out of it but it's fitted to your jaw and will hold your jaw still. The padding will provide a cushion should you get hit or bumped." He helps me on with it to shows me how the contraption works. It's harder to put on then the full shield I used to wear in juniors. Oh well, better start getting used to it. Kadar is already on the ice setting up drills. I set about my on-ice warm up. It feels so good to feel my muscles strain and flow. I glance around the stands and I see Sloan sitting there with Sam. I resist the waving. It's been a long time since I've had 'a girl' in the stands watching me. I definitely want to show off but Kadar has other ideas first. No shooting allowed yet. "Ok Sid, how's your breathing, good?" "Yeah" I tell him. With a broken jaw there can be breathing issues but I haven't had any fortunately. "Good, puck drills" he says and points to the small cones he's set up so I get to work. It goes that way for the next hour until I'm dripping with sweat. I feel like I could take a week of naps I'm so tired but it's a good tired. The guys star coming on the ice for practice. It's really great to be on the ice with them. The last game of the season is coming up and then we'll have to wait to see who we play in the first round. The bottom four teams keep fluctuating ranking order. I know that I won't be able to start the play offs with the team but I'm really hoping to be part of the first series. The last two years have been a nightmare and I simply want to play again, in the playoffs, when everything is on the line. I thrive in those situations. It's the pressure that feeds me and I miss it. Dan sets up the line rushes and I partner with the guys you will most likely be scratched at the next game. During the playoffs, everyone has 'extra' players to substitute for injuries or when an active line player goes cold. Sometimes there are just better match ups. Dan's going to want to have options. It feels so good to be practicing with the guys. I manage to get a few pucks by Vokie but when I look up in the stands, Sloan is gone. So much for showing off.

* * *

It was so good to see Sid on the ice again and he was flying. You can tell how much he loves this game by the joy you feel from him even in practice. Sam wanted to talk about video of fans during the next game, he had a new idea, and so I suggested we go out to the rink. Of course Sam knew the real reason but it was also helpful to point to sections and platforms for camera mounts. Sam has really grown this season. His ideas are creative, he epitomizes the concept 'there is no box' rather than 'out of the box' thinking. He sparks on an idea and then figures out how to make it work bypassing the question of if it will work. There is more seasoning required for him but Sam will definitely have a senior leadership role here should he wish one. That makes me think about next season. I could stay on with the Pens and move Sam up in the organization. That gives me time to keep my hand in the LA business, although I'll definitely need to take a smaller role, and I can still stay with the Pens organization. Of course that depends on my father not firing me after he learns I disobeyed him. It also depends on Sid still loving me after he finds out ... Shit, I told myself to put all of that away and focus on the now. We'll deal with it later.

I look up from my desk and see Jerome come in. "Do you have a moment Sloan?" Jerome has been on my mind for a while now after our last conversation. "Of course Jerome, come on in, please." I move over to the sitting area and he joins me. "Thank you so much for your help Sloan. The kids are really excited to come down for the playoffs. It was becoming a nightmare for my wife to get the passports and paperwork to spend that much time here." That is so nice of him of him to come back and thank me. It was easy to do but a huge thing for the Iginla's. "You are very welcome Jerome. The government was being, well, let's be nice and call them annoying." He laughs now and gives me that adorable smile. "Well, it might have been easy for you but it saved my marriage. We all really appreciate it." He really is sweet. He gets up and we shake hands. Wow, that's all he wanted was to thank me. His reputation was spot on; he is one of the nicest guys in hockey. Before I can get back to my desk, I see Marc-Andre at my door. It looks like it's an afternoon of players for me. "Hi Marc, how are you?" He smiles his big, goofy smile, and says "bien, may I have a moment of your time?" He looks serious. I gesture to the sitting are I just vacated with Jerome. I'm surprised when he shuts the door. We sit down and I wait to let Marc begin. He looks very uncomfortable but he does begin. "Um, this is très difficile Sloan but I thought I should talk to you. I might be completely out of line but I've been debating for a week now if I should say something." I nod and wait for him to continue. "You didn't see Sid that day; the day he thought you left. I have never seen him that upset. Not even after we lost the Stanley Cup in 2008 was he that utterly, I don't know, destroyed. He's my friend, he's one of my best friends, and I may not have any right to say this but ... He's my best friend." I don't know what to say now but Marc continues "he's never been in love before Sloan. He's had girlfriends, sure, and even thought he was in love but he wasn't. He is so knowledgeable and self-assured in hockey but he is so incredibly naïve in life. This is the real thing for him Sloan. I want to make sure that you're going to be good to him, that you love him and want a future with him. He's seeing forever with you. I hope you love him." This is none of Marc's business but he clearly loves his friend and wants only the best for him. I understand that and can appreciate it so I'm not offended. "Marc, you aren't out of line because he's your friend and you care about him. I love him Marc; I do. I want the forever he dreams about too. Beyond that, I think the rest is between Sidney and me." He looks thoughtful for a moment and then says "très bien." He gets up, nods and then leaves my office.

I turn to go back to my desk and hear a knock at the door. Holy fuck, can't I have a moment to myself today? I look up and it's Mario. Ok, another conversation about Sid and I is surely coming my way again. "Hi Sloan, do you have a moment?" I realize the question is perfunctory, he's the boss and can have as many of my moments as he likes, so I simply gesture to my seating area, again. Mario shuts the door and follows me to sit down. I always forget how tall he is until he sits down and tries to stretch out his legs. I wait for him to start. "Your father saw me before he left town. He asked if I knew about you and Sid. I told him that I did; I won't lie to him" he says quickly when he sees the surprise on my face. Of course, I should have known that Mario wouldn't lie. It's not in him to lie to his business partner even if it's not about business. "He said that I didn't need to worry about anything because he put a stop to it. Now I haven't known you very long or very well; but, I've known Sid for seven years. He lived in my house for most of those years and I know him as well as I know my own kids. He is in love with you and if you had broken up with him then I would know. The kid couldn't keep it to himself. So I have to wonder, if your father thinks you've broken up but Sid thinks you're still together, then what game are you playing Sloan?" Wow, I didn't expect this and I'm not sure what to say. I decide on at least part of the truth. "Mario, I love him, I'm in love with him. Yes, I lied to my father and I'll deal with him after the playoffs." Mario stares at me for a few moments and I wonder if he'll push me for more. He must like what he sees and says "ok then. I'll apologize for prying but I care about both of you. Please let me know if I can help." He stands and so do I. He leans down and kisses my cheek then leaves my office. Well, that was unexpected.

Ok, now I can get some work done. There's another knock on the door and I'm about to bark at whoever it is when I see Sid shut the door behind him. He puts his hands up and says "I'm unarmed." He always makes me laugh. "I highly doubt that; I've seen your weapon." Now he laughs and locks the door behind him. I watch him slowly walk toward me. "I saw you on the ice earlier; very hot Crosby." He grins, the toothless grin, and continues walking. He walks right up to me and lifts me up on the desk. Stepping between my legs, Sid wraps his arms around me, pulls me to him and kisses me; thoroughly. When we part, I rest my forehead against his. "Ok, you can come to my office anytime." "Good to know. Why were you so agitated when I came in?" I think for a moment and tell him the truth. "First Jerome came to see me. Then Marc and Mario stopped by." He looks at me quizzically so I continue. "Jerome was a business thing. Marc wanted to make sure I love you and want a future with you." Sid frowns so I keep going "Sid, he is your friend and cares about you. He's looking out for you. I'm not offended, really." I smooth his furrowed brow with my thumbs. "Then Mario wanted me to know that my father saw him before he left town. Don't worry, Mario is supportive of us. Good grief, I feel like a teenager or Romeo and Juliet. But let's not have their ending, ok?" I smile at him and eventually get one back. "Ok." Good, he looks happier now. "You did look mighty good out there today; good and very, very happy. How did you feel?" Now his grin gets bigger. "It felt great. My wind is ok but it'll come back quickly. Most importantly my timing is still there so as soon as the doc clears me then I'm ready to go." He looks so happy right now. I'm struck by how beautiful he is; even with missing teeth. "Then I'll have my girl" he kisses me "and we'll be playing for the Cup. I'll have everything." He is so sweet. "Well, I have everything too Sid; right here in my arms." I kiss him softly and it takes no time for the kiss to become heated. Sid's hands are sliding up my thighs under my skirt. I pull him closer to me. That would be the moment my phone goes off. I just can't catch a break today.


	42. Chapter 42

The day didn't get any better for me. The phone call that interrupted Sid and I led to a problem in the editing bay. I spent an hour there and was almost late for my meeting with Roots. The next thing I know it is 7pm and I receive a text from Sid asking 'when r u coming home?' Wow, he's asking when I'm coming home. I feel warmth spread from my heart. I love that question. Looking at the work left on my desk, there is still hours left. Oh well, it will be here tomorrow. 'Leaving now' I text him back. I swing through the communications bull pen and see that Sam and Michelle are still here. "Guys, go home. The work on my desk hasn't gone away and neither will yours. Get a fresh start in the morning. Come on." I wait for them or else I know they'll keep working. We walk out to the garage together and say goodnight. I have to remember to talk to Sam tomorrow about workload. I need to find out if this is normal as we ramp up for the play offs or if we're under-resourced. We can't be killing our staff.

I put all of that aside as I pull into the driveway. When I walk in the door, there are marvelous smells coming from the kitchen. I find Sid putting two plates on the table. I can't help myself; I say "hi honey, I'm home." He looks up at me with a huge smile and I feel a shiver go through me. I hope that never changes. "Hi babe" he walks over and kisses me. "I didn't make it but I put it on the table." I chuckle and kiss him back. "Thank you Sid. I really appreciate it." He grins at me again and we both sit down. "It smells delicious. I love the roasted chicken from Wholefoods." It really does look good; roasted chicken, grilled vegetables. I dig in and it tastes as delicious as it smells. "Really, thanks Sid. Hey, wait, you're eating solids. You can eat solids now?" He smiles at me and says "yeah. The doctor told me today to try it. I can't eat anything that requires a lot of chewing like steak but chicken and vegetables should be good." This is great. Hopefully he can put on some of the weight he's lost. His face is looking thin. "That's great. So let's dig in." As we eat, we talk about our day. Sid tells me more about his doctor's appointment. I relate the tales of my revolving office door. Seriously, all I did was meet with people today. Nothing else got done.

We clean up the kitchen together and then head upstairs. Sid watches a game, the Bruins and somebody, while I take a bath. There is nothing more relaxing than soaking in the tub. When I'm finished, I wrap up in a towel because I forgot to bring in a robe. Walking into the bedroom, I'm stunned to hear Sid yell "stop!" What the hell? He gets off of the bed and walks to me. "You know, I think this is the most beautiful I've ever seen you look, ever." This makes me all gooey inside. How is it that just a few words from this wonderful man can make my heart melt every time? I put my hands on his cheeks and pull him down to me. I put everything I can, everything I'm feeling, into the kiss. Sid's arms circle my waist and he pulls me flush against him. We continue locked together for a few minutes simply lost in each other. When we part, Sit stuns me even more by whispering "marry me." I'm actually stunned silent. What did he say? What did he say? When I finally come back to my body and senses, I see that Sid looks as stunned as I feel. I open my mouth but close it again because I have no idea what I'm going to say to him. We stand there staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. I really have no idea what to say or do right now.

* * *

What did I say? Oh my God, what did is say? Did I really just say that to her? This is a disaster. I didn't even mean to say it. When I saw her come out of the bathroom wearing only that towel, I immediately needed to touch her so I went to her. The kiss was incredible. What was in my heart just came out of my mouth. It never crossed my mind to say it but it came out of my mouth anyway. Now Sloan looks as stunned as I feel. How do I get out of this now? "Sloan, I don't know what I'm saying. Seriously, it just came out of my mouth." I think she may be in shock. I know that I am. "Sloan, you have to say something. Please say something." Her eyes seem to refocus and she's looking into mine again and seeing me. "Um, you just really threw me there Sid. I mean, you know I want a life with you. I've moved in; but, this is just, I mean ..." "Sloan, it's ok. We agreed to wait until the end of the season and I really think that's what we should do. I'm trying to get back playing and we're going into the playoffs. Really Sloan, let's wait until then." She looks at me for a few moments and then says "ok. Sid, I love you." That's exactly all I need to here and I send a silent prayer of thanks that I got out of that one. I know we'll get married and have a family. I do agree with Sloan that it's too complicated to discuss now. Usually I tell friends and family to let me focus on hockey through the playoffs. I really do want and need that focus, especially now that I'm trying to come back, so waiting works for me too. I have other ideas now as I look at Sloan in that towel. I kiss her again and try to take it deeper but Sloan puts a hand on my chest to push me back. That's weird. I guess I look puzzled because Sloan says "oh, don't read anything into this Sid. I have my period so we'll have to wait a few days." She pecks at my lips and then walks into the closet. Ug, a couple of days are going to feel like hell.

* * *

Wow, I still can't get it out of head and it's been two days. Sid asked me to marry him. Of course I want to marry him but, shit, it's getting more and more real and more and more scary. I bring myself back to my meeting. We're planning the coverage for the play offs. Sam says "I think we're set Sloan. We'll need to wait for the schedule to plan the calendar but we have all of the activities." I smile at him because he's right; he has all of the communications plans together. "I think you both" I gesture to Sam and Michelle "have everything ready to go. Now we only need to know who we're playing and when we're playing them." They agree and get up to leave. "Sam, can you stay back for a moment?" I ask him. Michelle leaves and Sam sits back down. "Sam, have you thought about what you'd like your next step to be? I mean career-wise." He thinks for a few moments and replies "I don't know. I haven't thought about it that much." I think I know what he's leaving out of his answer. "If I can be candid Sam, I suspect that's because you didn't think you'd have a future here." He doesn't say anything for a moment then says "yeah. I guess so." "Sam, you do have a future here now, if you want one. I think you could take on more responsibility and a greater portfolio." I pause to let that sink in for a moment. "I'd like you to give it some thought Sam. We can revisit it at our next one-on-one." Sam smiles at me now and says "that would be great. Thanks Sloan."

After Sam leaves, I take some time to review email. There's one from my brother, John, which is odd because he never writes or calls me just to catch up. There's always an agenda or reason. When I read it, I know that my father has talked to him and told him to 'check in' on me. I decide to ignore it but something catches my eye. John says that he's thinking of visiting Pittsburgh to see a game in the playoffs. As far as I know, he's only seen one game ever and it was in the finals for the Cup. Is my father that petty, does he need that much control over me, that he has my brother spying on me now to make sure that I'm doing as I'm told? As soon as that thought goes through my head I know the answer; of course he is. It makes me rethink waiting to tell Sid everything but that will only cause turmoil for him during the playoffs and I can't do that to him. What's the expression: damned if I do and damned if I don't. The only way to play with my brother is to kill him with kindness. I email back that it would be great to see him and his family. He just needs to tell me when and I'll book the hotel unless he wants to stay at our father's house. Hopefully, by being so agreeable John will decide not to come. I really don't want to deal with him.

A look at my watch shows me that it's lunch time which would be why I'm hungry. I don't do it too often but I'm going to drop downstairs to the player's lounge and see what's for lunch. They had meetings today after practice so lunch would have been brought in. Most of the players are still around; they're working out, getting treatment and some are eating lunch. I see Marc so I grab some salad and sit beside him. "How is the new papa?" I ask him. He and Veronique just had a beautiful baby girl the name Estelle, Stella. His impossibly big smile gets even bigger. "I'm good. They're even better." He pulls out his phone and shows me his new pictures of her. "Oh she's gorgeous Marc. Look how beautiful she is." Not to be out done, Kris pulls out pictures of his son. He's adorable too. He has plump, chubby cheeks and a big toothless grin. The guys start arguing over whose child is cuter. It's rather funny to watch. I see Sid come in and my eyes are immediately drawn to his body. He's wearing those tight under-clothes he wears to practice in. Every muscle is visible and I have to tear myself away so that no one notices. I go back to eating and listen to the guys continue to joke around. They are so funny. I can see why Sid misses being around them. I take out my phone and text Sid 'you did that on purpose.' A few moments later, he texts back 'I don't know what you're talking about.' He has the nerve to send a happy face with it. I love his playful side. It is frustrating though and he knows it. We can't have sex right now. I guess two can play at this game. I send him 'I'm wearing my red thong.' He loves seeing me in my red thong. He responds quickly 'you don't fight fair.' I can't help but chuckle and reply 'you should remember that' and I send him a happy face in return. He replies quickly again and asks 'how many days?' I know exactly what he means and text back '2 days.' I wait for a reply and he sends 'we have a date in 3 days.' He's so cute. "Sloan?" I look up and it's Geno. "Hi Geno." He sits in the chair Marc has vacated. "Hi, my parents come here today. I want to hear about press interview." Geno is following up on the interview request from Roots to talk to his parents. "What are their thoughts?" I ask him. "They are ok with it. Will need someone to, um." He struggles for the right word. "Interpreter?" I ask. "Yes, an interpreter. They don't speak much English." I smile at him. "Geno, we will do whatever your parents need to make them comfortable. I will be there myself if you'd like." Now Geno smiles and says "yes, thank you." He pats my arm and heads to the buffet. I'm struck by how great these guys are; they're more like a family than hockey players. I think back to when Marc came to see me, and Mario, and I can see how close these guys are. It's touching really.

I head back to my office and run into Dan Potash from Roots coming out of the media room. "Hi Dan" I call out to him. "Sloan, how are you?" I smile and say "good. I just talked with Geno and his parents are willing to do an interview this year. Do you want it?" Dan looks surprised but recovers quickly and says "of course. Not that I'm arguing but why us?" "Dan, we have really tightened up on player availability this year and you and Roots have been very accommodating. While so many others whined about it, you never did and always made it work. I believe in saying 'thank you' and recognizing a great partnership." Dan smiles now and says "thanks. Should I work with Sam to arrange it?" "No, I told Geno that I'd work on it for him. It'll make his parents more comfortable. You will need an interpreter and that's not easy to find. Once you have that set up, let me know and we'll arrange the interview." We say goodbye and I head to the elevator. "You really are good at this" I hear and turn toward the voice. It's Mario of course. "Thanks Mario" I reply. "We would be very fortunate to keep you here after the season ends. Don't let anyone tell you different." I look up at him and can't read his face. He is being very cryptic. "I would be very fortunate to stay Mario." He nods at me and then continues on his way to the player's room.  
I head back up to my office and David nabs me in the hall. "Sloan, can we talk" he asks me. He looks intense which is very unlike the Pens president. "Of course" I tell him and follow him to his office. He shuts the door behind us and we sit at his conference table. "Sloan, we just received notice that Tom McMillan has filed a wrongful termination lawsuit against the Penguins organization." Of all the things I could have expected David to say, that wasn't it. I recover quickly and ask "what reason does he give?" David replies "he said we breached his contract by terminating with cause. We have our lawyers looking at the documents now. We need to come up with a response for the press." I'm struck by the fact that David is asking me to create a strategy and not to defend the termination. That support is not lost on me. Mario's comment earlier is making more sense now too. "What do the lawyers advise? We need to start with them before we create a strategy." David nods and says "they would like us to say nothing. They aren't saying we have to stay silent legally; but, they would prefer it." That's good news. "Then we take their advice and the only answer is 'no comment.' We shouldn't engage anyone in discussion." David nods and stands so I follow him. We both walk to the door but before opening it, David turns to me and says "while you will have to spend time with the lawyers, you need to know that ownership and leadership is one hundred percent behind this decision. In fact, you gave him more chances that I would have." I smile and shake his hand before I leave. I know we did the right thing but it is nice to have David's express support for my decision.

When I get back to my office, I sit on the sofa rather than at my desk. Then knock on my door has me sighing. "Yes" I call out and Sid walks in the door. "Hi, Mario told me about the lawsuit. How are you?" I smile when he sits beside me and takes my hand. "I'm fine. I know we did the right thing so I have no worries on that." Sid kisses my hand and says "well Mario, David and your father all support the decision and you." He pulls me to him and I settle under his arm. He is such a sweet man. He came up here to make sure that I'm ok. "Thanks sweetie. We're going with 'no comment' because it's moving through the legal system. I'll talk to Ray and have him do a scrum before practice tomorrow to get rid of the question before you guys get it." I feel his lips on my temple. "I know I haven't said it" Sid begins "but you are truly impressive at your job. We've been able to focus much easier on hockey since you've established the new rules. It's changed a lot for us players and the room is much calmer." Ok, now he's going to make me cry. "You are a very, very sweet man Sidney Crosby." I tilt to look up at him as he lowers his lips to mine. There's a knock at my door so I quickly move to the chair and Sid sits up on the sofa. "Come in" I call out. Sam and Jennifer come in. "Oh, sorry. Do you have a moment?" Sam asks me. "Of course, come in." Sid says goodbye to us and Sam and Jennifer sit. "I was just asked by a reporter about a lawsuit by a former employee. I told him that we would address it tomorrow." He's quiet now and waits for me to comment. It looks like the news got out quickly. "That was the right answer since you weren't aware; my apologies for not informing you. I only found out an hour ago myself. Tom is suing the Pens for wrongful dismissal. I'm sure the lawyers will want to talk to you both at some point. Tomorrow we'll have Ray address it in a scrum before practice." They both nod and look very unsettled. "Guys, there's nothing to worry about. If you need to talk to the lawyers then you simply need to be honest, ok?" Sam and Jennifer look at each other and then Sam says "we wanted to make sure that you know we support you one hundred percent; the entire communications team. It's been incredible to work for you." Ok, if Sid almost made me cry, these guys are definitely going to do it. I take a moment to collect myself. When I'm sure I have it under control, I say "that means a great deal to me. I truly appreciate it. It's our job to control the press, as much as we ever can, and keep this from being a distraction to the team. Tonight we'll know who we play in the first round and then we should have the schedule tomorrow or the next day." They both nod and leave. There's no coincidence that Tom waited until directly before the playoffs to file this lawsuit. He's out for blood. Ok, so I need to worry about my father and my brother; the law suit by Tom; the stress of the playoffs; and, of course, how I'm going to tell Sid the truth. It's going to be an interesting play offs.


	43. Chapter 43

The playoff schedule has been set and the team is ready. I'm not cleared yet to play but I am cleared for contact. That's the last hurdle before playing. I'm going to practice with Kadar today and hopefully get see Sloan. We may be living together but I haven't seen much of her the past two days. The lawsuit got out and between playoff planning and meeting with the team lawyers, Sloan has been crazy busy. She gets home late and leaves early. It's her first playoffs so I'm hoping her hours will become normal, or normal for the playoffs, when they are underway. She's pretty stressed too. I'm really hoping she keeps our 'date' tonight. I think we both need some stress relief. It's been four days of sleeping next to her but not having her and I can't do it anymore. I've even been dreaming about her and waking with a raging hard on that I need to take care of before I can sleep. While I was never a monk, sex was never a big part of my life during the season. I would focus on hockey. Now, I've got this woman in my system and she's never getting out. I feel like a teenager all the time.

Looking at my watch tells me that I'm early for practice with Kades so I head to the interview room. The Malkins are giving an interview today and I know that Sloan will be there. She's been doing a lot to make sure that they were comfortable. I don't know how she did it but she even found out Dan's first couple of questions so that the Malkins would be prepared and start off right. They've already started so I hand back in the doorway. I can't hear much but I can clearly see Sloan. She has her uniform on, a suit with a short skirt and mile high heels. Her skirt has risen ridiculously high on her thigh as she sits on a folding chair.

"How long you dating?" I turn as Geno asks me the low question. I give him a quizzical look. He doesn't by it. Too many people take his trouble with English as a lack of intelligence; those people are very wrong. I look around and pull Geno away from the room where no one is around.

"Am I that obvious?" I ask him.

Geno laughs and says "she took care of you after puck and went to funeral. What do you think?"

Yeah, I figured everyone must know. "Ok, fine, yes. But we really want to keep it quiet until after the season G so I'd appreciate it if everyone kept playing dumb." Geno looks confused so I continue "if everyone can keep pretending that they don't know." He gets it now.

"Cause of her dad?" he asks me.

How do I answer this? "He's only one reason G but, yeah, he's part of it. We're going to deal with it after we win the Cup." We both smile.

"She's smart, nice too. Take care of my parents really good. She'd be good for you." Wow, this is the first time that Geno has ever commented on my personal life. He must really like Sloan. I nod and we go back to watch the interview. A few minutes later, they finish and the cameras shut off. Geno goes to his folks and talks to them in Russian. He must be telling them that they did a good job because his mom smiles and pats his cheek. Mr. Malkin says something to the translator and then they both go over to Sloan. After a few words, Mr. Malkin kisses both of Sloan's cheeks and then walks back to his wife. They are such great people. Of course Sloan's pretty incredible too. I watch as she talks to the translator and then to some of the camera crew. I feel like someone's eyes are on me and I glance over to see Potash looking between Sloan and me. I make sure my face is expressionless as I stare at him. He gets it and holds up his hand while mouthing 'ok.' If Dan can tell that there's something going on between Sloan and me then I definitely need to be more careful. I really don't want to deal with personal questions during the playoffs and I know that Sloan definitely wants to put off the circus too.

I head down the hall to the players' lounge and only the equipment guys are there having breakfast. I grab some and sit with them. "Sid" Dana begins "we replaced your steel." He knew that I wanted new blades for my skates before I started practicing with contact.

"Thanks. Have you seen Kades?"

Dana answers "yeah, he's on the ice setting up how to torture you." The guys all laugh, so do I, because we all it's the truth. I finish eating and start warming up.

When I get on the ice, sure enough Kades is out there and so is Despres. He hasn't been playing the last couple of games so to get some extra time in he's helping me out. We warm up for a while and then we set up for wall play. Kades passes me the puck and Despres tries to take it from me. He's bigger than me by more than a few inches but definitely not as fast. He gets me a few times pushing me into the boards. My head bangs against the glass a few times and I feel it once in my jaw. It's not a sharp pain and it goes away quickly. We continue to work and Despres doesn't give an inch which gives me a good test. I'm definitely going to have a couple of bruises.

Kades calls it and we stop. "How do you feel?" He asks me.

"Felt a pull on the jaw once but that's it."

"Ok, you want to stay for practice then?" He already knows the answer so he doesn't wait for an answer skates away. I thank Despres and watch some of the guys come out on the ice to warm up. I join them and know that I'll be playing in this series with them. I can feel it.

* * *

I'm exhausted. All I keep thinking about is how exhausted I am. The last two nights I've had, maybe, three or four hours sleep tops. Everything seems to be hitting all at the same time. My brother is still talking about visiting for the playoffs. The amount of work to prepare for the playoffs is crazy. All the while, I feel like a shadow is hanging over me and my time of bliss is running out.

I look at the amount of work on my desk and don't really know where to start; it's a combination of how much there is and how exhausted I am that confounds me. At the knock on my door, I'm actually happy for the interruption. "Sloan?" I look up and it's Sam.

"Come on in Sam." He does and shuts the door behind him.

When he sits in front of me, he stares at me for a moment then asks "Sloan, may I make a personal observation?" That definitely gets my attention. Is Sam going to bring up Sid after all these weeks?

"Sure" I tell him.

He takes a deep breath and says "you need to leave." Wow. What?

"What are you saying Sam?" I ask.

He takes another breath and continues. "Sloan, you're exhausted. If you think the regular season was busy then you're truly in for some interesting times over the playoffs. We are planned and set. We have all of the media and press availability organized. The only thing left to do is execute. Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day with more media being credentialed and the players all having formal pressers. Why don't you take off, get some sleep so that we can sprint to the Cup."

I look at Sam and I must look like completely like hell if he's here telling me to get some down time. I know he's right though and maybe I should take some time. "Ok Sam. I guess if you're here telling me this than I must need some down time desperately." He chuckles now and looks relieved. "Sam, I appreciate your concern. I think I'm going to take your advice and get out of here."

Sam stands and says "good. I'll see you tomorrow morning." I decide to take Sam's advice to heart and back up my things immediately. A nap sounds like the best thing in the world right now. Before I leave, I text Sid to tell him I'm going home early to nap. I do get home before falling asleep. I manage to strip, put on one of Sid's shirts and then flop into bed. I think I fall asleep before my head hits the pillow.

* * *

I was so glad to get Sloan's message. She was going to pass out soon if she didn't get horizontal. I spend more time at the rink working out and talking with the coaches. We're planning for me to join the series in game three or four if I continue to progress. I can't wait to play. I'd love to get in game two but the doctor doesn't think it's going to happen. We'll see I guess. As I head home now, I'm really looking forward to seeing Sloan. Ok, if I'm honest, I'm hoping she got a good nap because I want sex. We need to have sex first then I'll be able to focus on other things. I stop at our favourite Italian restaurant and pick up dinner. We'll need to eat at some point.

The house is completely quiet when I get home. I drop off dinner in the kitchen and head upstairs. The room is lit because the blinds are still opened. If it wasn't for the rise and fall of her chest, I might need to make sure Sloan is alive. She didn't even pull the covers back. It looks like she undressed, threw on one of my t-shirts and passed out face down on the bed. The shirt has risen up to show some of her gorgeous ass. It's almost 5pm. Sloan's probably been asleep for two or three hours; long enough to recharge for what I have in mind. I strip off my clothes and climb onto the bed beside her.

Slowly, I slide my hand up from her calf, over her thigh and then over one of her cheeks lifting the shirt so that I can see all of her beautiful ass. I lean in and kiss the small of her back and then over a cheek. She sighs and curls up on her side; perfect. I slide in behind her and push the shirt up higher. First I cup one breast. As her nipple goes hard under my fingers, I go hard too. I slide my hand lower, over her flat stomach, the curve of her hip and then between her thighs. She shifts her hips and they push further back into me. I love how she responds to me even in her sleep. I slip my hand further between her thighs until I can slip two fingers between her folds and over her clit. As I play with it lightly, she moans in her sleep and instinctively pushes into my hand. I change pressure, motion and direction which cause her to make a mewing sound. I love that sound and I get even harder. I've been thinking about this for four days now so I'm hoping that I hang on. Pushing her hair aside gives me access to her neck too. I kiss and take licks to taste. At the same time, my hand slides further so that I can slip my two fingers inside. I can only go so far in this position so tease her entrance the way she loves. She's getting wet which allows my fingers to slide around easily. I slide them up to her clit and tease it more. My slippery fingers easily move around and around. I flick it and then move lower so that I can slip my fingers inside again. By now, she's definitely wet and I need to be buried inside of her. I place my lips at her ear and whisper "wake up Sloan. Come on baby wake up so that I can fuck you properly." Oh oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that; this woman brings out my baser instincts. She moans as my fingers increase pace shallowly in and out of her. "Wake up baby, all the way, come on." I move my fingers to her clit again and swirl then push and it does the trick. I can tell the moment she wakes up. Her ass pushes into me. Her legs shift to give me better access. "You're awake now." I whisper in her ear and then slip my finger back inside. She pushes against my hand.

"Tell me how much you want me to fuck you."

She cries out and says "now, Sid, now." She tries to reach back and grab my dick but I shift so she can't. If she touches me now, I'm going to blow before I'm even inside her.

"What do you want? Tell me what you want." I push my fingers up to her clit again and she screams this time. "Tell me" I demand.

"Fuck me" she screams. I slide my leg through hers so that I'm lined up. She tilts her hips back so that I and easily slip inside of her. Oh fuck, she is so hot and wet as she envelops me. She tilts her hips more so that I have even better access and then I can't really focus on much. I'm slamming into her and she's pushing back on me too. I try to hang on but I'm definitely going to cum soon. To hurry her along, I reach for her clit. Thank God I have good dexterity. I rub at her clit as I keep thrusting but I can't last. I blow and my last conscious thought is hoping I did enough so that she came too. I try to catch my breath and come back to full consciousness.

When I'm aware again, I notice that Sloan is still tight rather than soft and lax. She didn't come; shit. I move backward and shift her so that she's on her back. Before she can say anything, and I don't really give her a chance because I feel so bad, I push her thighs apart and dig in. I alternate working her clit with my tongue and lips. I increase speed to bring her up again and push her legs farther apart so that I can slip my tongue down and inside of her. Her hand comes to my head and her nails into my scalp. I know that she's close. I slide my tongue up and press on her clit with the flat of my tongue. She cries out so I start flicking it with my tongue, over and over until she screams out and her body begins to shudder. As her orgasm washes over her I rain kisses over her thighs, up her stomach and then move beside her to kiss her neck. When she comes down, she rolls to her side to face me with a soft and sexy smile. "Hi" she says. "Best way to wake up ever." I laugh at that part but then get serious.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait. I feel like a teenage with absolutely no control."

She brushes curls from my forehead. "Don't worry about it Sid, it happens. Besides, you more than made up for it." I see that her response is genuine and that sexy dimple is winking at me again so I stop worrying. I lean in for a long, slow, deep kiss. This is what I needed.

Sloan centres me more than even playing hockey does. I wish we could stay in our bubble forever. I may be new to relationships but even I know that we're in a happiness bubble. Hopefully we can stay in it until we win the Cup. Then we'll deal with it all. I know that Ron won't deal harshly with me because I mean too much to this organization and Mario wouldn't allow it. What really worries me is the toll it's going to take on Sloan. Her relationship with her father was complicated before me but now, well, complicated is an understatement for sure.

"Let's grab a shower and then eat." I say.

She smiles at me and replies "good idea. I like you wet too."

I looks like Sloan needed this as much as I did. In the shower, we succumb to our needs again but do manage to take care of hygiene too.

"How is it?" I ask her as later we're sitting across from each other eating dinner.

"Delicious and perfect" she replies. I watch her scoop up more pasta and chicken. I had them give us a double order with grilled veg. I can eat it too and am still so happy I eat more than mush now.

"The interview with the Malkins seemed like it went well. What did you think?" I ask.

She swallows and says "it went really well. It's too bad that they don't speak English. They are incredibly personable and charismatic. At least some of it still comes through when they're speaking Russian."

"Geno seemed happy about it. He was nervous but your being there really helped him feel better." I tell her. I notice that she's stopped eating and is simply smiling at me. "What?" I ask.

"You really are a sweet man. Thank you for bringing dinner home. There is so much to do in preparation for the playoffs. We had rough plans but we've had to adjust and finalize them."

I can tell that there's more to it. "What else is going on?" I ask.

She pauses and takes a sip of her wine. "My brother sent me an email that he wants to come see a game during the playoffs."

I know she doesn't have a great relationship with her brother but there's something I don't get; there's more there. "Sloan, tell me" I say.

She takes another sip of wine and then stares at it. I wait for her to answer. "Sid, he's only coming because my father wants him to come. He's my father's mini-me in almost every way. It just adds another layer of stress."

That makes sense now. Only family can put that furrow on her brow. Six months ago, I thought so much differently about Ron than I do now. Of course, six months ago I would have never thought that I'd be living with a woman that I'm in love with and looking towards a future that wasn't single mindedly about the Cup. "Sloan, why don't we put everything aside tonight? There are no Penguins, no hockey and no family. It's only us."

Her stress look turns into a smile. I love those soft, special smiles that she only gives me. We finish our dinner in silence and smiling at each other. After cleaning up, we settle on the sofa. Sloan puts a game on but I take the remote from her and change the channel.

"Sid, we can watch a game."

She's so sweet. "I told you, no hockey tonight. What kind of movie are you in the mood for?" I ask her. She takes the remote now and chooses the Hangover II. Excellent. We settle back for a few laughs. I'm laughing along with the movie but, about half way through, I'm distracted more by Sloan. With her hair up in a ponytail and her face scrubbed of all makeup, she so innocent and sweet. We interact so much at work when she's 'all done up' that I forget about the girl sometimes. I pull her closer and she snuggles onto my lap. This is the perfect evening; just me and my girl.


	44. Chapter 44

**_Author's Note: I've had a horrible sinus infection which is why the delay. The chapter is shorter than usual but I wantd to post something for you since it's been a few days. I love all of your comments; thank you so much._**

* * *

I'm so excited for the first game in the playoffs; it's my first playoffs. I'd be more excited if Sid was playing but it's still really great and he'll be playing soon. I got in early and am making my way down to the players' lounge to eat breakfast. I pass the visitor's locker room to and see the Islanders' logo on the door. There are also a lot of NHL posters that my team put up yesterday. The NHL dictates which ones we use and how many there are. I guess that's understandable. Taking a side trip to see the official media area I see that there are tables set up on a podium and the NHL backdrop has been set up. They'll need to bring in the chairs but that won't take much time. I have to double check of course, too much is at stake, but I knew that everything would be done right. Sam really is good at this and I remind myself that I need to help define a new role for him.

When I walk into the lounge, there's no one there but the buffet is laid out. I grab some oatmeal, it feels like an oatmeal day, and some fruit then head back to my office. The equipment guys must be dealing with a problem if they aren't eating yet. When I get to my office, I get comfortable on the sofa rather than my desk to eat my breakfast. This might be the only time that I have a moment to myself today so I'm going to pause and enjoy. The nap and then the evening with Sid was exactly what I needed to recharge yesterday. The sex didn't hurt either.

"Comfy?" I look up and see Dan at the door.

"Actually, I am. I'm taking advantage of a little calm before the storm. You're here early." I reply.

"I like to get here early on the first game of the playoffs." He tells me. I gesture to a chair and Dan sits with me.

"Even you have you're superstitions, huh?" I ask him.

He laughs and replies "we all have them; don't let anyone tell you differently."

I can't help but think about some of Sid's superstitions and I laugh too. They include what he eats, how he walks into the arena and even what he wears when he goes into the locker room. If he's in his street shoes he won't walk into the locker room. It's crazy but it's what they do, these crazy hockey players, and now it seems that the coaches are just as crazy. "I guess you're all crazy" I say.

We chat more about the game and the series. "Oh Sloan, I keep meaning to thank you for helping with the press. I know they find it amusing that I won't comment on the line up or injuries but it takes a lot of the shit out of the interviews."

Dan really is sweet. I'd forgotten that we created that strategy. "I'm glad it worked for you" I answer. He looks like he wants to continue talking but doesn't. "Is there something else on your mind?" I ask him.

He looks at me considering. "You've made a really big difference here Sloan. It's not just because Tom's gone. You've set a great tone for the communications team. They're all completely dialed in to what they need to do and you can tell that they're having fun too. I know staying after the season wasn't in your plans but it would be a shame to lose you."

Wow, I'm touched by Dan's words. "Thank you Dan. I'm glad that the team's hard work is being recognized."

Dan shakes his head and says "not just the team Sloan; you. It's you who has made the difference. Coaches never take the credit, we always give it to others; but, from one coach to another, I want you to know that I've seen the difference you made with this team and that's beyond your communications group. You've had a great impact on the entire organization. Don't forget that."

I'm too touched for words and afraid I'm going to cry so, when Dan stands, I stand with him and hug him. He's surprised but hugs me back. As Dan turns to the door we both see Sid there. It looks like he doesn't know if he should come in or go back out.

"Just leaving Sid. She's all yours." Dan says as he leaves and closes the door behind him. I sit down on the sofa and grab a tissue; damnit, I am crying.

Sid's beside me in a second "are you ok baby?" I nod and wipe up my tears.

When I think I'm done, I answer "yeah, I'm fine. Dan was incredibly sweet and touched me with his compliment. Don't get too many of those."

Sid leans back on the sofa and pulls me to his side. "You do get them often, from me at least."

I tilt my head up to look at him and respond "he wasn't talking about my ass Sid!" He laughs as I hoped he would.

"Ok, fair point, but I like more than your ass." His hand slides to cup my breast. I laugh and pull away from him.

"Go practice" I tell him. "I have work to do."

"So you are working here!"

Sid and I both turn to the door and watch my brother stroll in, without knocking of course. Oh fuck!

* * *

I look between Sloan and her brother and I instantly know that there's something wrong between them. He's smiling like he's joking but I can feel the stress radiating from Sloan and his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. If this was my sister, Tay would have already launched herself into my arms. Sloan hesitantly walks over to her brother and they air kiss each other's cheek. Wow, the entire room radiates with awkwardness and tension.

"It's good to see you John. Have you met Sidney Crosby?" she asks John.

With a huge grin on his face, John approaches me with his hand extended. "Of course I know Sid. We met at the Cup win and celebration. Looks like we're going to win another one this year."

I shake his hand. I hate that he says 'we' like he's part of the team and I definitely hate the way he's affecting Sloan. I know how to play the game of course so I respond "we're going to go far, that's for sure. How have you been John?"

"Good Sid, good. Unfortunately the kids are still in school but I really wanted to see the first game so I came alone. When have the doctors said that you can play?"

"I'm practicing with the team now with contact so it should be soon." I give him the same answer I give to everyone. Just because he's Ron's son doesn't meant that I trust him; especially not with Sloan's reaction to him. "Speaking of practice, I do have to get there." I hate to go but I really need to start warming up. Damn, thank God I caught myself before I went to Sloan to kiss her goodbye. "Thanks for the help Sloan. Let me when the interview is set up."

"You're welcome Sid. I'll see you later."

I say goodbye to them both and leave. Shit, I wish I could have stayed with them. I hate that I can't support her with this and that we have to keep our relationship a secret. I'd love to give John a good punch or, at the very least, stay with Sloan as she has to deal with him. I can't help shaking my head at this family. They are like vipers each taking pieces of each other. I know that Sloan isn't perfect but I really can't see how she can possibly come from this family. She is as warm and loving as they are cold and cruel with her. Thankfully, when we're married, she'll be a part of my family and can receive all the love that she deserves. That reminds me that I have to call my mom back. She always worries but worries even more when I'm hurt. Before I walk into the locker room, I give her a quick call.

"Hi Sidney, how are you?"

"Hi mom, I'm good; sorry I haven't called."

"I know how busy you are sweetie. How are you feeling?"

"I'm good mom, doing much better. I've been skating for two days now with contact and I've been pain free. The doctors are happy with how I'm doing."

She chuckles and says "but you're not happy. I know my boy. You won't be happy until you're playing. How is Sloan doing?"

I know the question behind the question of course. "She's fine mom." I get silence on the other end. I know that she's considering what she should say next. "Go ahead mom; what do you want to know?"

"Sidney, it's clear that you are in love with this woman. As soon as I saw you together I knew it. Does she make you happy?"

This is unexpected. I wasn't expecting that question. "Mom, she makes me crazy, frustrated, sometimes infuriated; but, yes, she makes me happy."

She chuckles again. "Oh Sidney, I'm so happy for you. Does she feel the same way? Is she good to you?"

That is such a 'mom' thing to ask. That's more what I expected. "Yes, Sloan feels the same way and yes, she's good to me. It's complicated though mom. She has a complicated relationship with her father and a" how do I put it? "She has a difficult past mom. I know that I can tell you anything and I trust you with anything; but, this isn't my secret to tell. When the season is over and things are less complicated then we can talk about everything. Ok?"

She pauses for a few moments. "Ok Sidney, you'll tell us when the time is right. Remember that we love you and are always here for you."

Again, another mom thing to say; thank God for her. "Thanks mom."

"So, forget the crap that you're telling the media. When are you going to play?"

"I should be back in game two on Friday. The doctors are talking about game three but I'll be back Friday. I'll practice today and then tomorrow. Friday morning I'll do line rushes in my usual spot and we'll assess after that. The shield will protect me and I'm not in any pain when I get hit. The guys have been doing a good job of testing that out."

"Ok Sidney, we'll schedule our flight for Friday morning."

Of course they're coming for the playoffs. They always do. Oh, that means that they need to know. "Um, mom, Sloan has moved in with me." I blurt it out and wait. I have no idea how she'll respond to this since I've never lived with anyone before.

"That makes sense Sidney. I'm glad that you have Sloan to help and support you through this; with your Nana …"

"Mom, I know you had to be with Nana when I got hurt and I wouldn't have wanted you anywhere else."

"I know dear but I still wish I could have been there too. Allow a mom to worry, ok?"

Chuckling, I say "ok mom and you worry better than anyone I know. I'm sorry but I have to go to practice."

"Ok, please say hello to Sloan for me. I love you sweetie."

"I love you to mom, bye.

It doesn't matter how old you are, you still feel better after talking to your mom. Dad has always been more involved in hockey but mom was always the rock. I don't know what I would have done without her during my concussion. She gave me sympathy when I needed it and a kick in the ass when I needed that too. It's going to be nice to have them here. Shit! What are we going to do with my parents here and Sloan's brother too? How do I explain to my parents that we can't tell Sloan's brother about us? This is getting more and more complicated. I put it all out of my mind while I change and then warm up. It's easier to put everything out of my mind when I'm working out or practicing. Hockey fills every part of my brain and pushes everything out. Today is no different.

The guys are focused but loose during practice. I'm on the 'leftover' line with the guys who aren't playing tonight but staying on the roster for the playoffs. They could be filling in for someone who is injured or they could be right for the particular team we're playing down the road. As I wait for my turn again, I make the mistake of looking up and I see John in the stands. He's by himself and when he looks right at me, he smiles so I become instantly worried. What does it mean? It's definitely a smug smile. What did he do? I want to run to Sloan and make sure that she's ok but I can't of course. At least we're almost done practice and hopefully she'll be down for the presser. It's now being held at the official media area and we're interviewed one or two at a time. Since it's the playoffs, I would assume that Sloan will be there on the first day. I can only hope that she'll be there so that I can see for myself that she's ok. I can only hope.


	45. Chapter 45

The feeling of dread that pools in my stomach when I see my brother can't not be ignored. I'm almost glad that Sid has to go to practice so he doesn't have to be involved in this ugliness. When Sid shuts the door behind him, I move to the sofa to sit and wait for John to say what's on his mind. When I look at John, the smile he had on his face the entire time Sid was in the room is gone. John sits down in the chair beside me and I wait.

"So, dad told me what's been going on here and it's more than hockey. I thought you gave up the Kid sis. What was he doing in here?"

While my father has always had a sheen of polish over him, John has never been able to cultivate that skill and contempt radiates from him. After all of the years that have gone by since our parents' divorce, John blames me even more now than ever for not taking father's side. Growing up, I was always so much closer to my father than my mother; but, the divorce showed the ugly side of both of them and it has coloured my view of them ever since. I pull myself back to the present.

"John, let's stop the bullshit ok. I know father sent you here to check up on me and you always do what he wants, don't you John?"

He smirks at me and replies "you are avoiding the question Sloan. Tell me that you've given up the Kid?"

"John, I don't answer to you and I only answer to father because I work for him. I will tell you this once and only once because I want you to leave as soon as possible. Father was abundantly clear about what he wanted and you can report back that he got everything he wanted, ok?" I watch as John stares at me intensely. What he doesn't realize is that I've become a really good actress.

He must like what he sees because he finally smiles and says "good. That was smart Sloan. I'm glad you've decided to be smart. Now, I'm going to watch the practice and then I'll be leaving. I'll make some excuse about business for having to leave if anyone asks."

I nod and don't say any more. I can finally release the breath I've been holding when the door closes behind him. What is this family? What is wrong with us that my father is so cruel, my brother travels across the country to make sure my father's 'orders' have been followed and I haven't talked to my mother in months, or has it been a year? I thought I'd carved out some peace for myself in my life. Then I let my father guilt me into helping with his sports team, I fall in love with his star player and my life becomes a satirical farce or some mafia movie with the father making demands and all his kids falling in line. I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't in the middle of it right now myself. This can't end well. There are so many lies told to so many people surrounding me that I don't know that I can see the truth anymore. Shit. I can take some solace that John is leaving. I don't know why he's staying for practice but I can only guess that he wants to make sure that he makes me as uncomfortable as possible by observing Sid. Oh shit, that's not what he wants. He's going to talk to Sid after practice!

I don't think, I just run. In the hall, I resist the urge to keep running and slow down so that I'm walking quickly. I have to force myself to say hello to people as I pass them. I am singularly focused on getting to rink level. Of course the elevator takes forever to come and even longer to actually get to the level. The hall is deserted which tells me that they have started the press conference so I head there first. Yep, Sid is sitting at the table and the media have started their questions. I look around and Jennifer is managing the questions. "Have you come down to check on your star?" I hear John whisper behind me.

"It's the first press conference of the playoffs. I need to be here. What about you?" I ask him.

"Sloan, I'm taking a keen interest in our star too. He doesn't seem too heartbroken to have lost you."

Shit, I was really hoping to avoid this conversation. "John, not that I need to explain myself to you, ever, but it wasn't a real relationship. If you must know, it was only sex and it was only going to last the season."

He chuckles "at least you had that much sense in you. I guess you could have done worse than an athlete. Make sure that you don't move on to another one. We need these guys focused for the playoffs."

I take the insult by ignoring it. It's better that he thinks that I'm playing around then the truth. I notice that Sid is finishing up and he walks our way. I plaster the company smile on my face. "Hi Sid, I hope that was as painless as it looked."

Sid smiles back and I know that it's his company smile too. "It's a necessary part of the job. Thankfully it's short."

We both turn toward John who looks between us. "You know, maybe I'll stay for the game tonight. It has been so long since I saw a game. Mario won't mind if I crash his box."

Great, that's just great. He's staying for the game which means he'll be here overnight too. I wonder "John, will you be staying at father's house or do you need a hotel room." I pray that his answer is the house because I don't want to explain why I'm not staying at a hotel.

"Since dad was just here his house is open and ready so I'll stay there. How are you doing at the hotel?"

"It becomes home after a few months. At least it's only temporary" I respond.

We all walk to the locker room and, at the door, John says "I haven't seen some of these guys in years. I'll see you later." He makes his way directly to Geno. I guess he wants to make sure that he's talked to all of the 'big stars' while he's here.

Sid and I are left standing at the entrance. Under his breath, Sid says "I hope you don't mind me saying this but your brother is an ass."

I have to swallow back a chuckle. "Yeah, he really is" I reply. I feel Sid lean slightly into me and then he goes to his stall. That small moment of contact goes a long way to sooth me. I can't resist watching him walk away.

"What did you think?" Jennifer asks as she comes up beside me.

"It went really well. You handled the large presser as well as the smaller ones. It was really well organized." I tell her.

"Thanks Sloan. It's been so much easier handling them with the new rules. They may have grumbled at first but the reporters are following the rules without my prompting now. It's really working well."

I'm glad to see that she can see the difference. She's really come a long way. Jennifer heads into the locker room when her name is called and I'm left watching the room again. My brother is currently fawning over James. It's like he feels that he's above everyone yet he also wants to be accepted as one of them. Sid was right, he is an ass.

I move beyond John and take in the rest of the room. Even though we're managing the press when they are in the locker room, it's much calmer in here with press out at the official media location used for the playoffs. It's definitely calmer but it's also more serious. You can tell that it's the playoffs. The guys are joking but there is also an undercurrent that's very thoughtful. Everyone knows that the Stanley Cup is at stake now.

My phone vibrates and it's Sid 'meet me in medical room 2' is all it says. I head that way and, when no one is in the hall, I slip inside. Before I can say anything, Sid pulls me into his arms and his lips are attacking mine. I can't do anything but try to keep up. My hands feast in his damp hair and I can smell the soap he just used in his shower. When Sid pulls away, his hands cup my cheeks gently.

"How are you?" He asks.

"Better now" I respond.

He smiles then says "really, how are you Sloan? Did John give you a rough time?"

This man is the sweetest. "I can handle my brother Sid. He may be an ass but I've known him my entire life. I know how to handle him. I have to tell you though, the end of the season can't come soon enough so that we can stop all of the hiding" although then Sid will know. I'm not looking forward to that part.

"I agree but after seeing your brother and father's reaction, I'm even happier that we're waiting. We don't need anything unpredictable right now." He kisses me softly and I hold him close to linger on his gorgeous lips a few moments longer. Finally, we do part and Sid says "I talked to my mom. She and my dad will be coming in tomorrow." Oh oh, that means they might overlap my brother. Sid seems to know exactly what I'm thinking. "We'll deal with it Sloan. If your brother is still here then we'll deal with it. Of course mom knows that I'm in love with you. She said that she knows me too well for her not to have seen it."

I'm panicked a little at first. His parents know not only that we're together but that we're serious. Then I calm down. His family isn't my family and they were wonderful to me when I met them.

"Are they ok with that Sid? Are they ok with me?" I can't help but ask him. I need it confirmed.

"Yes she is very much ok with it and with you; mostly with you. I told her that we're living together too. They stay at a hotel when they're here so it won't be a problem but I wanted them to know. They started staying at the hotel because I was living with Mario and Nathalie then they just kept doing it. I guess they're as superstitious as the rest of us."

I get over my surprise that he told his parents that we're living with each other quickly and focus on the fact that they are ok with it. "Sid, you're not just saying that? She was really ok?"

He caresses my cheek and kisses my lips again. "Really Sloan, she's very happy that we're in love. She said that she could see it right away and is looking forward to spending more time with you."

I see the truth in his eyes. "Ok, I look forward to spending time with your parents too." It's the truth. I really want to get to know his family. Hopefully they're going to be my family too someday. "But Sidney, what are we going to do about your family and my brother in the same place at the same time?" Then it hits me "Sid, do they know about ..." I leave it there.

"I won't lie to my parents Sloan but, no, I didn't tell her. I told her that you have a difficult past and that we would talk after the season. I told her that it's not my story to tell. She trusts me Sloan. She was fine with that, really." Sid looks a little wary at me.

"Ok Sid, I trust you too." I kiss him slowly and within moments we are wrapped up in each other again. I can't get enough of his lips, cheek and then his neck where I nip and lick.

"Sloan, we need to either stop now or keep going."

I pull back when Sid says this and I want to keep going but my head cools even if my body doesn't. "Ok, I know. We need to stop."

Sid kisses me softly and says "yeah, we do."

I pull back and straighten my clothes. Sid has managed to pull my shirt out of my skirt and unhook my bra. I think back to the first time we were together and I had to give him some direction. He's certainly caught on and fast. "Ok, I'll see you at home later after your game day nap. Hey, I like the sound of that, I'll see you at home" I tell him.

Sid smiles. "I like it too. I'm heading home then. Will you sit up in Mario's box with your brother tonight? Will he expect you to do it?"

"I don't think so. I really hope not." I tell him. I give him a last kiss on the cheek and then head out the door. No one is in the hall so I head to the elevator and back up to my office.

"Sloan" I turn when I hear my name as I'm about to go into my office. It's David; it can't be good when the President wants to see you. It never has in the past.

"Hi David" I say and he gestures me into my office. That's when I notice another man with him. Once in my office, David shuts the door and we all sit down.

"Sloan, this is Alex Samuel. He is our chief legal counsel on the lawsuit from Tom McMillian."

I turn to Alex. "It's nice to meet you Alex."

"You as well Sloan. I've spoken with David, Mario and your father about this lawsuit to find out what precipitated them bringing you into the company when they did. Their actions and reasons set up that Tom wasn't performing before you ever got here. The premise of the lawsuit is that you terminated his employment because of a personal issue between you which we all know is far from the truth. In fact, all three, David, Mario and Ron, said that they would have fired Tom before you did. If we find the right proof, we can get this thrown out before it goes anywhere."

I consider this for a moment and then reply "ok. If he's blaming me then why am I not being sued personally too?"

Alex looks up from his notepad and says "I suspect that's going to be next. His lawyers wanted to see what the organizations' response would be and then they'll add you to their list."

Great, this day keeps getting better. Now I may be sued too. "Ok, so I can anticipate a lawsuit coming my way. What's our next step?" I ask.

"Sloan" David jumps in. "You don't have to worry about anything. The law firm will represent you as well as the Pens."

"Thank you David. Alex" I turn to the lawyer now "what do you need from me?"

"Sloan, this is a preliminary meeting. I wanted to meet you and let you know some of the details of the lawsuit. In the next couple of weeks we may need to meet again. We could also make it all go away and then you won't have to be any more involved than you are today."

I nod to him and we all get up. David and I both say goodbye to Alex at the door and then go back into my office. We sit down again and David asks "how are you Sloan? I know that this wasn't what you signed up for when you came to help us."

I smile at David and reply "no, it isn't. David, nothing that has happened here was planned. That isn't a bad thing. In fact, I really think that this was a good move for me."

David pats my arm. "Sloan, I hope that you know that we're lucky to have you too."

We chat a little more about the playoffs and the media strategy then David leaves. I shut the door behind him and go back to the sofa.

What a fucking day! My head is spinning with everything that has happened. Dan and David's encouraging words were heartwarming. John has been the biggest rock in the road today. He loves to cause trouble and especially to me. Sidney's news about his parents coming was surprising too. The ups and the downs of today have me dizzy and the game preparations haven't even started. I look at my watch and know that Sid has already gone home for a nap. I wanted to go home with him or at least meet him there but that isn't going to happen with the way that this day has already gone. I send Sid a text to let him know that I won't be home and then I go back to my desk. I have to get some work done.

* * *

I felt better after seeing Sloan. Well, better but with a raging hard on. Those few minutes in the medical room weren't nearly enough with her. They made me feel better to know that she was ok and that her brother didn't give her too much trouble. It's going to be interesting having her brother and my parents here at the same time. Hopefully John will leave long before my parents get here.

As I drive to Consol, I wish that I was playing tonight. It's the first game in the first series of the playoffs. I hate that, once again, I'm watching my team play. At least this time I know that I'll be back and I'll be back tomorrow if I have anything to say about it. This afternoon, I'm going to have a lot of time to waste while I wait for the game to start; but, even if I'm not playing, I still get to the rink at the same time. Call it superstition or routine, it is what it is.

After parking, I head to the locker room and see the guys warming up. After talking to some of them, I move onto the rink and sit up in the stands. This is why I tape my stick out here. I love the quiet and peace of the ice before anyone has skated on it. They haven't even put out the nets yet.

"Is this where you hide before the game?"

I turn and see John walking to my row and sit a couple chairs away. Ass. "Hi John. I wouldn't say that I'm hiding since anyone can find me."

"I guess so. It's going to be a good game. I'm looking forward to it."

"Yeah, it's going to be a great series. It's most of the Islander's first time in the playoffs so you can expect the unexpected."

"I love the unexpected. It makes life so much more interesting" he says. What an ass.

"I guess so" I reply.

"So" John says "how long are we going to keep making small talk rather than discussing how long you've been fucking my sister."

I know he's trying to get a rise out of me saying it the way he did; unfortunately, it's working. I take a few deep breaths and try to calm down before I answer him. "I don't see how that's any of your business John" is all I can say.

"It's my sister Sid so it's my business. Tell me how long you've been fucking my sister."

Yeah, it's definitely working. I want to punch the guy. "Ok, I have a great deal of respect for Sloan so I'll answer your question then I'm not talking about this anymore with you. I was sleeping with your sister; past tense. We stopped a few days ago. It was only sex and it wasn't for long. She broke it off and I'm fine with that, ok?" I turn to him now being sure to keep my face neutral. John stares at me for a few minutes and then turns back to the ice. I do too. Hopefully this is over.

"Well, I apologize Sid for the direct questions but I need to look after my sister. She's had a tough time of it and I only want to make sure that she's ok" John finishes. Does he really think that I'm buying into his shit? Asshole.

"I understand John and that's why I answered you." I let that lay there and hope that he takes it as his cue to leave. I'm relieved when he gets up and begins walking away.

"Oh Sid, I heard that your parents are coming in tomorrow. I haven't seen them since you guys won the Cup. I can't wait to see them again."

Fucking asshole.


	46. Chapter 46

The game was incredible. The first game of the playoffs, my first playoff game ever, and we beat the Islanders 5-0. The guys had restrained excitement with the press but, once in the locker room alone, they were definitely more excited than restrained. The only thing that would have made it perfect was if Sid was playing. He watched the game from his usual perch at media level. I floated in different locations as I usually do. We both stayed as far away from Mario's box as we could. Neither of us wanted to run into my brother.

I do my last check in with Michelle and Sam after the game and then head to my office to close for the night. "Great game" I turn when I hear John.

"Yes it was" I reply.

"Too bad Sid wasn't playing but it looks like they didn't need him tonight." When John says this, I look at him and see the smirk on his face.

"That's one of the great things about his team John; their depth. In every position they have a depth of talent. Ray has made that they have the talent, the coaching team has created great plays and adjust superbly during the game and the players are executing. That's how you win Stanley Cups."

"Looks like you could run the team now Sloan." John and I both turn to look at who said this; it's Mario.

I reply "with such great teachers, I've learned a lot about hockey Mario." He smiles at me and pats my arm.

Mario turns to John and asks "when are you heading back John?" I've never been happier to see Mario than I am right now. I really want to know the answer to that question too.

"I'm going to stay overnight. Maybe I'll go home tomorrow evening. I so rarely get to spend time with Sloan these days" John says and smiles at me. I suppress my gag reflex thankfully. John continues "actually, Mario, why don't we all go to dinner tomorrow night? It can be a family dinner." As I desperately search for a reason to decline, John goes in for the kill. "You know Mario, I think Sid's parents will be in town. Maybe all of us could go to dinner. It would be great to catch up." John looks expectantly at Mario.

To his credit, Mario maintains his smile and replies "sounds like a great idea. I'll confirm we're free with Nathalie and she can talk to the Crosbys." Mario gives my arm a squeeze before he moves into the locker room.

I turn to John and, under my breath, I ask "what game are you playing now John?"

He only smirks at me then says "oh, will it be uncomfortable for you to spend the evening with your former lover, his parents and his boss? It's too bad that I didn't think of that before I suggested it." That's exactly what he thought about of course and why he did it. "I need to leave so that I can follow up on some business in LA before I turn in. See you tomorrow sis. And make some reservations for dinner for the seven of us."

John has the nerve to pat my cheek before he heads off down the hall. My phone goes off and it's Sidney.

'Don't turn, I'm behind you around the corner' he messages.

'You heard?' I ask.

'Yeah, don't worry about it. We can get through one evening.'

He really thinks so. 'What about your parents?' I ask.

'I'll explain as much as I can. It will be fine Sloan.' I wish that I had his optimism. The pressure of the entire situation is closing around my neck like a vice. I have to force myself to take deep breaths. John is such a wild card. Even though he believes that Sid and I have broken up, I wouldn't be surprised if he spilled the details of my past to the Crosbys just to be vindictive.

'Sloan, pack up and go home. I'm leaving now too. I love you.'

That's all I ever need to hear from Sid. 'I love you too. Ok, I'll meet you at home soon.' I head to my office now to pack up. When there, it doesn't take me long to close down everything.

"I hate to pry, but are you ok Sloan?"

I look up from my desk and see Mario at my door. I try to reply but I can only shrug. He comes in and sits in a chair in front of my desk.

"I hope you know that you can count on me, trust me, if you need someone. I don't know what is going on between you, your father and brother but I can see that there's something. Don't worry; I'm sure no one else knows. I just know Ron too well not to see it even when he tries to hide it."

It's almost a relief to hear Mario say that. I can't possibly unburden myself of my secret to him; but, it is wonderful to feel that support from him. "Thank you Mario. I think we just need to get to the end of the season, after winning the Cup of course, and then everything can be sorted out."

He looks at me unconvinced but nods and stands. "Ok then. I'll see you tomorrow." He leaves the room and I'm left wondering again; about nothing in particular actually, just wondering. Mario is still an enigma to me although not in a bad way. He has this silent strength about him. Actually, I could see Sidney being like that in fifteen or twenty years. As I think about Sid, a smile breaks out over my face. I don't need a mirror to know that.

I'm packed up, in the car and then home quickly. Sid beat me though.

"I'm upstairs" he yells down.

"Ok" I shout back and then head up to the bedroom. When I get to the bedroom door, I'm stopped in my tracks. Sidney is sitting on the bed, lounging against the headboard really, wearing only his shorts.

"Hi babe" he says to me but his eyes stay on the TV.

I drop my bags at the door and slip off my shoes. I make my way to the end of the bed, blocking Sid's view of the TV, and his eyes shift to me. I slip off my jacket and it falls to the floor. Sid watches my shirt open as I undo each button. I shrug each shoulder and the shirt slips off too. Sid's eyes come back to mine and I can see the dark desire in them. I slide my skirt up until I can pull my panties down. Sid follows every movement. I climb onto the bed and crawl up until I'm straddling Sid. I run my hands over his chest and up to his shoulders with my eyes feasting on every inch of skin. I replace my hands with my lips over his shoulder and feel Sid's hands at my waist as I kiss up his neck.

When I get to his ear, I lick at his lobe first then put my lips to his ear. "You are so hot" I tell him. "I can't help myself from touching you, tasting you." I take his ear lobe between my teeth now and hear Sid's sharp intake of breath. I can also feel him harden beneath me. Sid's hands tighten around my waist and I am urged on even more. Pulling back slightly, I first kiss and then lick his lips maintaining our eye contact. His hands slide up my back and he unclips my bra then pulls it off my shoulders. I move my arms to let Sid pull it off of me then he takes over. Sid's strong hands pull me up and against him so that his lips slip over my nipple. His tongue laves at it, his lips kiss and his teeth tug. I throw my head back which pushes my breast further into his mouth. Sid releases that nipple and kisses his way over to my other breast to repeat his ministrations.

He's grown very hard beneath me so I slip my hand down and pull him out of his shorts. He bites down on my nipple as take him in hand. I can't help but cry out and feel myself getting wetter. My skirt has ridden up so that it's around my waist. I line my hips up so that I can slide his dick over my entrance. He can feel how wet I am and he pulls his head back so that he's looking directly at me. I grind my hips against him now and take his lips with my own. The feel of his lips over mine, his tongue teasing mine and his dick teasing me puts me over the edge. I rise up slightly so that I can lower over him. He slides into me so easily. I pull back to look at him as I begin to move slowly. I shift between rocking and lifting so that he can thrust. He takes my breast again in his mouth as I continue to move. His teeth work over me and it nearly puts me over the edge. My head falls back again when Sidney pulls me closer to him again and begins thrusting hard and up. I meet him thrust for thrust and can feel that I'm getting close. I pull my head up and see that Sidney is looking directly at me. We maintain eye lock as we move closer and closer to the edge. I can't keep my eyes open when my orgasm takes over me. Sid thrusts a few more times and then pulls me so close to him that we're almost one.

When we can finally move, I lean away slightly and kiss Sid. "Hi honey, I'm home." I tell him and he chuckles.

"I noticed" he replies.

"This is what happens when I come home and find you on the bed almost naked. It's your entire fault" I tell him.

"Fine, I'll take the blame every time. You must be exhausted though. It was a really long day and you didn't get a nap." He strokes my cheek as he says this to me.

"Actually, it just hit me right now. I am tired but I need a shower before going to bed. Someone made me all sticky." I kiss his nose and then get up. After taking off my skirt, I grab my shirt and reach for my bra.

"Leave it Sloan. I'll grab your clothes. You go have your shower." He tells me so I decide to let him. The shower feels great and definitely takes me closer to sleep. Sid is lying under the covers when I come back into the bedroom. I slip into bed and Sid pulls me to his side. I can't help but ask "what are we going to do tomorrow with your folks and my brother here? Now we're having this dinner too."

Sid sighs and then says "I'll talk to my parents so that they know we can't let John know about us. This is becoming surreal. All of the reasons for not telling John, so that your father doesn't know, still hold but it's becoming much more complicated."

Poor Sidney doesn't know the half of it. "Yeah, I know. Should we just get out of this dinner? Or you could say that you and your parents have other plans."

I can tell that Sid is considering it but then he says "no. We'll go ahead with it. I'll talk to my parents and just ask them to trust me. It's only for a couple of weeks and then everything can come out in the open. They'll understand."

It bothers me that he's keeping his parents in the dark; that probably stems from my worrying because I'm keeping him in the dark. At least I can make one thing right. "Sid, tell them about my past. I hate lying to them after they were so wonderful to me when we were there a few weeks ago. I want them to understand at least if we're asking them to do something dishonest."

Sidney sits up so that I have to as well. When I look at him, his eyes are soft and there's a worry line between his eyes. "Are you sure Sloan? I want to make sure that you're comfortable too baby."

I love when he calls me 'baby' in that soft way he does. "I'm sure Sidney. I trust and love you and these are your parents. I can't judge your family by mine; it's not fair."

He kisses me quick and hard. "You overwhelm me Sloan. It overwhelms me even more when you say that you trust me. That has to be so hard for you and it's a gift that you feel that way about me."

Now I'm the one that's overwhelmed. "I love you Sidney."

"I love you Sloan. Let's get some sleep now. It's going to be a very long day tomorrow."

* * *

The next day I woke up alone which is the usual. Sloan left me a note, again the usual, only this one had a happy face on it. I smiled when I read it which is what she wanted of course. My dad sent me a message that they were on their way to Pittsburgh and they'll meet me at the rink. I need to get to them before they come to Consol so I sent him a message back telling him that I'll meet them at the hotel instead. I made sure that I told him everything was ok but I want to talk to them before they come to the rink. This is getting very complicated. I was completely and incredibly moved when Sloan said that I should tell my parents about her past. I know what it costs her to have other people know and that she trusts me enough to tell my parents touches me.

As I drive to their hotel now, I keep trying to figure out what and how much to tell them. They need to understand why her relationship with her family is so fucked up and what she's overcome. It's one of the many reasons I love her. Parking and walking to their room doesn't give me enough time to figure it out but I knock on the door anyway.

"Sidney!" mom exclaims and pulls me in for a huge hug. It doesn't matter how old you get, there's always something comforting about being hugged by your mom. "Hi mom" I say and return her hug. Dad comes up behind her and we embrace too. It is so good to see them. I notice that mom looks a lot less tired than at the funeral. The black circles are gone from under her eyes. I know that she'll miss Nana but watching her mother suffer for the past few months was really difficult for mom.

We all walk inside and sit in the living room. Dad asks "did you see the doctor today?"

I smile and reply "yeah, after practice. We won't announce until tomorrow afternoon but I'll be playing tomorrow." Now there are more hugs and smiles. I don't know who is happier, my parents or me. Of course Sloan may have been the most excited and had the best reaction. I sent her a text and she only replied 'come to my office.' When I got there, she shut the door and launched herself into my arms; good thing I have fast reflexes.

When we're settled back again, I begin "I talked to Sloan and we both agreed that you should know more about her past. That will provide some context about what's going on."

They both nod and mom says "Sidney, we only want what's best for you and if it's Sloan then I'm sure we'll love her too."

I smile because it's exactly what I knew mom would say. Dad simply nods as he usually does too. Ok, here goes. "First, we've only seen Ron Burkle as the businessman and co-owner of the Pens. When you see him as a father, well, let's say that he's a good businessman. The divorce of Sloan's parents was ugly. It went to the Supreme Court of California, was a landmark case and they forced their kids to take sides. Sloan's sister chose their mom; John, her brother, chose Ron; and Sloan didn't choose which caused Ron to resent her anyway." I leave that to sink in for a moment before I continue.

"Sloan was a bit of a prodigy when it came to business. She went to Harvard and got her MBA from Wharton all before she was twenty one. She went to work for Ron's consortium and moved up quickly." Now I pause to take a deep breath. This is the hard part. "She met someone who also worked at the company and was a favourite of Ron. They moved in together and that's when the abuse started." I need to pause again because of the bile rising in my throat. If I ever meet that asshole, I'll probably kill him. "It was physical and emotional abuse and lasted almost a year. The last time he" I can't say it. "Anyway, the last time, Sloan ended up in the hospital in a coma with many broken bones. Ron blamed her for it!" I raise my voice, I can't help it.

"Oh Sidney" mom says and takes my hand.

"He did mom, he blamed her. I don't understand how a father can do that to his own kid."

Mom strokes my cheek and wipes away a tear that slipped out of my eye. "I know sweetie. I don't understand either. This certainly does explain the volatile nature of their relationship."

I knew she would understand. I look at dad and he looks plain pissed. That solidifies my decision to tell them the truth. They needed to understand Sloan before I tell them the rest now. "Ron came here after Nana's funeral and knew that Sloan went with me. He knew we were together and demanded that she end it with me." Mom looks angry now; that's unexpected. She rarely gets truly angry.

"Oh Sidney, that must have been horrible for her and you sweetie" mom says.

I give her a small smile and reply "it hasn't been easy. Anyway, she told him that she would and packed everything in her hotel. When I got home, she was there and had moved in with me. We decided to wait until the end of the season to tell Ron the truth. She didn't want to upset everything as we took a run at the playoffs. It made, and still makes, complete sense to me too. Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this now is because her brother is here. He's just as bad as Ron; a real asshole. He wants to go out to dinner with Mario and Nathalie and the three of us to torture Sloan. He thinks we've broken up too." I stop now and take a few deep, if unsteady, breaths.

Mom and dad look at each other and it's dad you speaks first. "Sid, first, I'm very disappointed in Ron. You're right, he's a brilliant businessman but I can't respect a man who treats his own daughter with this much loathing and disrespect." I start to speak but dad holds up a hand to stop me. "One moment Sid. Second, I don't agree with lying and I'm sure one of the reasons you waited to tell us about this is because you know how I feel. That being said, I understand the reasons for lying now."

I let out another breath that I was holding. "I know; lying doesn't sit well with me either dad but it's as necessary not to shake up the team before the playoffs as it is for Sloan right now. I hate that we're lying, the dishonesty is killing me, but ..." I don't know how to finish that sentence.

Mom takes my hand and says "we understand sweetie."

It strikes me that this is something that Sloan has never known; unconditional love. At least she has that from me now. "Sloan wanted to come with me to tell you but I told her that I wanted to talk to you alone first. It just felt right but can she come over now? I told her I'd text her and she really wants to see you alone, before dinner."

Mom smiles and says "of course."

I text Sloan and she sends one back quickly 'you're sure?'

I reply 'yes, everything is fine, they want to see you.'

'On my way' is all she sends back.

"She's on her way" I tell mom and dad. "There's one more thing that I want you both to know. I'm in love with Sloan. We're going to have a life together, a family, everything I've ever wanted. It's not going to be easy but she's worth it." I turn to mom and repeat "she's worth it."

Mom's eyes tear up and she pulls me into her arms. "Oh sweetie, I'm so happy for you. She better know how lucky she is to have you." I chuckle at such a 'mom' thing to say.

* * *

When I received Sid's message, I was instantly nervous and didn't want to go. But I also did really want to go so I let Sam know that I'm heading out for an hour or so. Now, as I stand in front of the Crosby's hotel door, I have to rub my hands over my skirt before I knock.

Sid opens the door and says "hi baby." His smile reassures me that everything is ok and then his kiss makes me certain.

I enter the living area and Trina gets up right away, walks to me and then opens her arms. I go with my instinct and move into her arms. Trina holds me tight and I return the hug.

"It's so good to see you again Sloan. We didn't get to spend enough time with you when we first met so I'm glad we'll get to spend some time together now that we're here in Pittsburgh."

I lean back and Trina pats my cheek then gestures to the sofa.

I move toward the sofa and Troy is there looking very uncomfortable. Again, I go with my instincts and move toward Troy and hug him too. I can feel the moment he relaxes and truly hugs me back. It's a comforting feeling. When we each pull back, Troy smiles and kisses my check then we all sit down. Sid joins me on the sofa and takes my hand. I don't quite know what to say now. I'm saved by Sid.

"Sloan, we've talked about everything" he tells me.

Trina takes over "Sloan, it is a horrible thing that you've been through. While we don't agree with lying usually, we completely understand and know that it's only for the rest of the season. You can both celebrate your relationship at the Cup parade." We all chuckle.

"Thank you so much Trina, Troy. I know this is hardly ideal but it is only for the rest of the season. I'll need to face my family then and" I say and Sid interrupts before I can finish.

"We can face them Sloan" he says. I turn to Sid and he brings my hand to his lips. My heart skips a beat.

"Ok, then we can face them together. It's going to be messy and ugly but we'll do it together." I feel an intense stab of guilt when I see the smile on Trina's face. Shit, now I'm lying to them too. I smile back at her. A change in topic is definitely required so I ask "did you hear that Sid is playing tomorrow?"

I look at Troy and a smile breaks over his face now too. "Yeah, he just told us. It's going to be a great game."

I smile back. "I saw my first playoff game last night. It was incredible; such energy in the building and, of course, the win." We're all silent for a few moments and I can feel the unasked questions hanging there. "Please, I know Sid told you about my past. If you have questions, please go ahead and ask."

Trina and Troy look at each other and then back at me.

"Sloan" Trina begins and then pauses. "We don't need to get into it now. I'm sure you'd prefer never to talk about it again. All we want you to know is that it's clear to us how much Sidney loves you. That's really all we need to know."

I am surprised and overjoyed. "Trina, I hope you know how much I love Sidney too. He has changed my life." I can feel my eyes getting wet and I see that Trina's eyes are wet too. We both get up at the same time and embrace. I can't describe how I'm feeling even to myself. I only know that Trina's arms are around me and I feel comforted, safe and cared for; I clearly can see where Sidney gets his character from.

We both pull back and laugh as we're wiping at our tears. Trina pulls me down beside her on the other sofa and we start talking. Trina asks me about the changes we've made in communications and how I'm enjoying hockey. We both lose track of Sid and his father. Trina is easy to talk to and radiates warmth. I regret that I need to get back to work.

"I'm sorry Trina but I really have to get back. Let's figure out how to spend some time together while you're here. After my brother's gone we'll have more time together."

Trina smiles at me and says "I would love that. Why don't we have dinner before the game tomorrow?"

"That sounds great" I tell her. I say goodbye to both Trina and Troy. Sid walks me to the door while his parents stay in the living room.

When we get to the door, Sidney pulls me into his arms and I go willingly. I feel his love pouring into me. We simply stand there in each other's arms for a few moments until I know that I need to go. "Sid, I need to go. I guess I'll see you at the dinner from hell." I feel Sid laugh beneath my cheek.

"Yeah, I'll see you then. I love you" he tells me.

"I love you too" I reply. We kiss softly and then I leave. Ok, now we just need to get through dinner. I think this dinner is going to require more than a few cocktails.


	47. Chapter 47

At least I was able to book the private room. That's probably the last thing that is going to go well. As the hostess leads me to our table in the back room, I'm dreading the whole evening. At least I know that Sidney and his parents are already there. He sent me a text when they were close to the restaurant so I left Consol then. I really hope there's wine open.

When I arrive at the table, the Crosbys and the Lemieuxs are both there. My brother isn't of course because he wants to make an entrance. I greet everyone and sit next to Nathalie. It doesn't seem like a good idea to me to sit next to Sid. Mario pours me a glass of wine which I eagerly take a sip of and then a second one. We start talking about the game tomorrow and how excited the Crosbys are that Sid is playing. It's when I feel myself relaxing that it happens; John makes his entrance.

"Good evening all" he says as he slips into his chair. "This is wonderful, our families getting together like this and enjoying an evening together."

We all smile at each other and I can't help but consider how many Oscars could be handed out at this table right now. The waiter brings a drink to John, which he must have ordered on the way in, and he takes a healthy drink from it.

"It's great to see you here in Pittsburgh John. How did you enjoy the game last night?" Trina asks my brother.

"What's not to love? Five to zip is definitely winning with authority. Of course, when Sid is back tomorrow the winning will keep going for sure" John answers her. While most of us cover our reaction to John knowing that Sid is back tomorrow, Trina is unable to do so. "I hear things Trina. Of course, it's hard to keep this one a secret like November 2011's comeback was kept quiet. Actually, do you still call it a comeback if you went off again? Anyway, it's great that you'll be back Sid. It almost makes me want to stay another day but I have to be back in LA for a morning meeting. Not all of us can simply pick up and leave like our Sloan did from her little business." John has the nerve to pat my arm as he makes this comment.

I notice Sid's jaw tighten and change the subject to prevent a potential explosion. "Trina, how is Taylor's team doing? She plays hockey too, right?"

Trina picks up the baton and talks about Taylor's team. Nathalie takes it from there and talks about Austin's team too. I notice that John has ordered another drink while the conversation goes on around him. This worries me because John gets mean when he drinks but I stay quiet. We order our dinner and John downs another drink. I'm really worried.

Mario and Troy start talking about the draft this year, even though it's still a couple of months away, and the kid from Cole Harbour. They think he will either go first or second in the draft. I'm only half listening. The other half is preoccupied by John's drinking and Sidney's increasingly tightening jaw.

"Sloan?" I'm brought back to the conversation by Nathalie.

"Sorry Nathalie, I missed you're question" I reply.

"That's ok. I was asking about the promotions for the playoffs. The kids' friends love the Pens Points" Nathalie says.

I can't help smiling. "That's great. We're getting a lot of participation." I tell her.

"We definitely need to keep them for next year then" Mario breaks in.

Everyone looks at me when Mario says this and I'm not sure how to reply. Thankfully, I recover quickly and simply say "that's the plan."

"Too bad you'll be back in LA" John pipes in, after downing his next drink. "Somehow they'll have to carry on without you, huh sis?" He pats my hand and I see the vein in Sid's neck popping out. Oh God. "How will they do it, go one without you?" John asks dripping with sarcasm.

Mario jumps in "Sloan is going to help with the transition." Mario leaves it that ambiguous.

"Oh that's right" John says as he exchanges an empty glass for a full one. "Don't you begin interviewing your replacement this week Sloan? Or is it next week?"

I can feel Sid's eyes on me, along with everyone else, but keep my eyes on John's. "That was the plan John. We may be looking at different timelines." Hopefully he'll leave it at that; but, no such luck.

"Wait, dad told me that David was working with an executive search firm and has a few good candidates. He's meeting with them this week I think. Of course no one will be as good as you." John counters. Fuck.

Trying to stay calm, I answer "John, I haven't spoken with David about this so I'm not sure what he's doing right now." I hope, again, that this conversation is going to end. Again, no such luck.

"Mario, you must know what David's up to and the status of replacing Sloan." John smiles broadly at Mario.

Everyone looks at Mario now, everyone but me, I'm looking directly at Sidney. He's staring right at me now. There's more than one vein popping out of his neck now.

"John, right now we're focused on the playoffs and winning the Cup. Next year is a season away. We'll look at everything after the playoffs." Mario replies very diplomatically then changes the subject. "Trina, is Taylor going to be done school in time to come to Pittsburgh and see the playoffs?" Mario is diplomatic and my savior.

Trina picks up the conversation ball. "When we get to the finals then she'll be here. She has exams until then. Unfortunately, not even Shattucks will forgo exams for the NHL Playoffs." Everyone chuckles at the last comment and the conversation turns to the Shattucks playoffs.

I look at Sid and he looks hurt; actually, he looks devastated. Why couldn't I have forced Sid and his parents to make an excuse to avoid this dinner? I look at John and see his smirk before he downs another drink. He knows exactly what he did and relishes in it. Does he also know that Sid and I are still together or was it a shot in the dark? Either way, he's very happy and Sid is very, very not.

* * *

I was so happy that my parents and I were the first ones to arrive at the restaurant. I was able to situate myself so that I was facing the door. Mario and Nathalie arrived early too, probably for the same reason, and we had some time to chat and catch up. I was finally starting to relax a bit when Sloan came in the room. She looked so stressed and tired. This is the last thing she wanted to do tonight. I know that I would have much rather had a quiet family dinner with my parents and Sloan. Instead we have a tedious dinner with an asshole.

Shortly after Sloan arrives, so does John and that's where the evening takes a downward direction. It takes John a little while to warm up but when he did, it was deadly and unexpected. First, he belittled Sloan and her 'little' business. That was the warm up. When John brings up Sloan's replacement, I'm still not worried, just pissed off. He was probably trying to get a rise out of someone. There was always a plan for Sloan to leave. She hasn't made any moves to change it since we aren't going public with our relationship. Of course John would still think that the Pens are replacing her. Still, with every word John says, I've got more and more pissed off. It killed me to watch him take shots at her over and over. I wanted to punch him. Mario diplomatically jumped in a few times but I can slowly felt every joint in my body tighten the more this guy said. Mom must have noticed because she patted my thigh with her hand. Unfortunately it didn't help. How can someone treat his own sister this way? I would kill for Taylor not take shots at her.

I was brought back to the conversation again when John said "Wait, dad told me that David was working with an executive search firm. He has a few good candidates and is going to start interviewing. Of course no one will be as good as you." He finished and patted Sloan's hand.

John asked Mario about this and Mario was very diplomatic. What was very obvious to me was that Mario never denied what John said. He never said that John was wrong and that they aren't interviewing for Sloan's job. Part of me thinks that Mario is playing along with the charade. Although wouldn't they have put the interviewing on hold even if no one said why? The President of the Pens has more to do with his time, especially in the playoffs, then interview for no reason. I can't believe it. They're planning on replacing her. I looked at Sloan and she looked stunned. She looked stunned and guilty. She's leaving; she's always planned on leaving and the rest was a lie. How could she? I thought we had moved past this point. I thought we were going to get married and have a family. All the while she was planning to leave. This doesn't make sense. I mean, I guess part of me always worried that her turnaround was too quick; she said that she loved me and then moved in, both were too fast and not at all thought through. Sloan thinks everything through. She's never spontaneous. She said it, did it, and then regretted it and that maybe she was just trying not to hurt me during the season. How did I go from happier than even winning the Cup to having my life fall apart right in front of me?

Our food comes and I had trouble eating. I was nauseous from this epiphany and couldn't finish my meal. I saw Sloan look at me off and on and I felt my mom looking at me too. Everyone seems to see the truth now and I'm just the idiot who believed the girl.

I finally had enough and couldn't take any more of this farce or John's smug smirk. While everyone was enjoying their coffee and dessert, I told everyone that I needed to get to bed early if I was going to play tomorrow. I saw the sympathy on the Lemieuxs and my parents faces; Sloan still looked guilty; and John looked smug and satisfied. I guess this dinner was a great idea. I learned so much that I needed to know even if I didn't want to know it.

When I'm in the car, I text Sloan to say 'sleep somewhere else tonight, I'll send your stuff to you.' I send one more to my parents and tell them that I'm ok and I'll call them first thing in the morning then I turn my phone off. There's no one that I want to talk to tonight. What I'd love to do is great drunk but it's the playoffs and I'm playing tomorrow, finally. The drive home takes forever and then I can't get in my bed fast enough. The problem is that now that I'm here, all I can think of is Sloan. The bed smells of her. My mind is full of her. I flip on SportsCentre and try to watch it. My mind keeps drifting back to the dinner and then over the past four months. Now it makes even more sense why she didn't want her brother around. He's definitely an ass but she didn't want him to tell me that she was really leaving. Then why would they want us to break up? If Sloan was leaving anyway, what would it matter if we were sleeping together before she left? Is it really all tied back to that guy from her father's company? Maybe Sloan is just too screwed up from that to be in a relationship. Fuck.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because I hear my name. "Sidney?" Did I really just hear Sloan say my name? "Sidney?" This has to be a dream but she feels real as I pull her down to me. Whatever she is going to say next is smothered by my lips. I thought I'd lost her. I thought this was a nightmare and not a dream. I can't get enough of her and I hold her to me tight while I devour her mouth. When I slide my lips over her cheek, down her jaw and to her neck, the unique fragrance that is Sloan washes over me. "Sidney?" I hear her voice again. This time I feel something on my shoulder and I open my eyes. Looking up, I see Sloan sitting beside me on the bed and I realize that I was dreaming. As I look at her tear filled eyes, I know that I've come back to my nightmare.


	48. Chapter 48

I can't believe that Sloan is here, sitting on the bed beside me, right now. I reach up and pull her down to me. My lips smother hers before she can say anything. She melts into me and I take advantage of that moment to roll her to my side. I can't believe that she's here but I don't care why. All I care is that she's here. "Sidney?" I hear my name but I can't stop kissing her. "Sidney?" I hear it again a little more insistently. I slide my hand up her side and pull her to me tight. "Sidney?" My eyes open and I realize that I've been dreaming. Sloan is sitting beside me on the bed and not in my arms beside me.

It all comes flooding back to me now. The devastation in my heart makes me feel like it could bleed right out of my chest. There is a physical pain in my chest like Sloan has scooped out my heart with a spoon. I jump out of bed on the other side and stare at her. It's when her eyes glance down and over my body that I remember that I'm naked. I quickly grab some shorts and put them on then turn on a light. I sit down on the chair across the room from Sloan on the bed. I don't know what to say to her. This woman who just hours before I wanted to be my wife who I loved in every fiber of my being and who reached down my throat and pulled out my heart before she smashed it. When I look more closely, I can tell that she's been crying. I feel a pull to go to her, to cuddle her up into my arms and make everything go away. Than my heart tears further, I bleed more and can't move at all.

Sloan sniffles and asks "how could you send me that horrible message?"

I'm stunned. She actually is mad at me for telling her not to come here. "What the fuck Sloan? You know why I told you're not to come here tonight." I tell her. She has the good grace to look guilty at least.

"Sidney, I know that John was horrible. I wish I'd gone with my instinct and told you and your parents not to come. It was a disaster from its inception." She explains.

She's serious about this shit. Can she really be this blind? "Sloan, I don't give a flying fuck about John's behaviour. I'm talking about the interviewing that's going on to replace you. I'm talking about your telling me that you love me, that you want a life me, and knowing all along that you were really leaving at the end of the season. Mario even knew that they're interviewing. I would have never thought that you could do this to me. How could you do this to me? To us?" My voice breaks on the last words and I can feel my eyes fill.

Sloan walks over to me and kneels directly in front of me and between my legs. She looks up at me with tears streaming down her face.

"Sid" she sobs and has to stop talking to collect herself. "Sidney, I am not leaving. I'm not. I couldn't leave you." She completely breaks down on her last word.

I watch her and its killing me but I'm so confused. What does she mean that she isn't leaving? I don't get it. I watch her pull herself together again.

"I'm not leaving Sidney. I'm not leaving." I look into her soaked eyes and she's destroying me here.

I have to ask "then what was all of the interviewing about?"

She wipes her eyes again and answers "they're interviewing for a director. Sam isn't ready for the job yet although he will get a promotion. I need a senior leader working for me so that I don't have to work all the time next season. It's useless to be here if I can't spend my time with you."

I stare at her. It's almost too good to believe. I was really all wrong? She never planned on leaving here, leaving me. I sink down to my knees in front of her and take her face in my hands. "You're not leaving me?" I ask.

Her eyes are still watering but she gives me a small smile. "No, I couldn't leave you; ever. I love you. I love you. I love you."

I pull her to me and smother her lips with my own. I've been in hell for last few hours and I need to feel Sloan. I need to feel her lips on mine. I need to feel her body pressed up against mine. "It was killing me" I tell her between kisses. "I couldn't lose you. The thought that you lied to me drove a knife through my heart." I keep kissing her until she pushes lightly at my chest. I move back slightly to look at her. She looks so sad right now. "Sloan" I say and chuck under her chin so that she has to look at me. She looks so very sad. "Everything is ok now baby. It was a horrible misunderstanding and I should have asked you before I jumped to conclusions. I'm so sorry." She tilts her head like she's going to say something but I don't give her the chance. I need to have my lips always touching hers.

I stand and take Sloan with me. I want to slowly undress her but I need to have her skin touching mine. She runs her fingers over my skin as I take off her skirt, shirt but leave her in her bra and panties. When I'm standing back in front of her, I can only see how beautiful she is, how much I love her and how much I never want this moment to end.

* * *

Sidney stands in front of me now but doesn't touch me or move then, suddenly, he pulls me to him, hard and fast, and buries his face in my neck. I stroke his hair and simply hold him. This is unexpected. He takes a couple of deep breaths and then pulls away to look at me. I use my thumb to wipe at a tear that has escaped. He leans into my hand and kisses my palm. I stroke my thumbs over his cheekbones as I stare into his eyes waiting for him to gain his equilibrium. After a last sigh, he rests his forehead on mine. "Are you ok?" I ask him softly. He smiles slightly and kisses me. "Yeah, I am. Sometimes you completely overwhelm me. The thought of losing you was too much to bear. Now, with you standing here in front of me and the soft light glowing against your skin … I feel my love for you throughout every nerve in my body, with everything that I am and everything that I ever will be." Oh, now he has tears forming in my eyes. I don't know how to respond, in fact, I can't form a single word.

As quickly as I feel the guilt build, I push it down and pull his face down to mine to kiss him softly; at first. I run my hands into his hair and my tongue along his bottom lip; that plump, beautiful lip that I have to taste and suck with my own. I alternate between kissing his lips and sucking on the bottom one. Finally, I slip my tongue through those lips and play with his. Our tongues softly glide and tease each other. We both appear to want this to last as long as we can. Savouring is our focus. I feel his hands slide from my sides around to my back where he finds bare skin and groans into my mouth. It is so erotic. His hands don't stop there. They continue down my back, pull at my panties until they pool at my feet and then brings me closer to him. I feel his erection grow against my stomach. We are swaying although there is no music playing. I move my lips from his and kiss over his cheek, down to his chin and then back up his other cheek. He pulls my lips back to his and takes them tenderly. He takes tiny sips of my lips to slowly savour me. It makes me feel, well, loved.

He pulls back and I open my eyes looking directly into his. They are deep and dark with desire and love. I reach around to undo my bra and let it fall to the ground. Sid takes a step back from me and then uses a finger to ask me to twirl. I smile slyly and turn slowly around. I hear him whistle and he says "you are so incredibly beautiful."

I chuckle at him. He takes my hand and leads me to sit on the bed. I put my hands on his hips and look up at him. While maintaining eye contact, I slide my hands into the waist of his shorts and pull them down. I slide my hands over his hits and around to his gorgeous back side. I lean in and kiss his stomach over his six, no eight pack. "Mmmm" I say while I continue to kiss his stomach. "You taste so good." Sidney chuckles but it turns into a groan when I use my tongue to slowly trace each of his stomach muscles. His hands are lightly lying on my shoulders. I see his erection of course but carefully avoid it. He's not the only one who wants to savour tonight. I continue to kiss up and down his stomach and my hands slip around him to massage his backside. I take a deep breath to breathe him in and the smell is heady.

* * *

She hasn't even touched my dick and I feel it growing. When her hands move to my ass, I think that I'm going blow. Her tongue is working all over my stomach. I move my hands from her shoulders into her hair. I love that it's down and curtaining over her shoulders. She pulls back, looks up at me and then slowly stands while sliding up my naked body. Once standing, she pushes her body against my body lightly. Her hands slide over me slowly beginning at my shoulders, sliding down my arms and back up. It is brutal to stay still when those fingers lightly touch my chest. I almost come apart when she leans in and touches her lips to my neck. She offers me light kisses down my neck, over my chest and then lightly slides around one nipple and then the other. She is moving so slowly with light touches of fingers, lips and tongue. I need to touch her too and can't wait anymore.

I cup her cheek and pull her face up to mine to capture her lips. I hold back from devouring her but do take the kiss deep and thorough using my tongue to sweep at every recess of her mouth. While continuing our kiss, I trace my fingers over her shoulders and then, in slow circles, down to her breasts. I trace her nipples lightly and then roll each between my thumb and finger. She gasps and I see a shiver ripple throughout her body. I feel my body responding to hers and I know I'm torturing myself as much as Sloan by going so slow. I move my hands to her waist and then pull her warm, naked body full against my own. Her arms slide around me and rub up and down my back. First she goes softly but then she begins to massage the muscles at my back deeper.

I pull back and take her lips with my own. I can't go slowly this time. Her lips are more moving more ardently against mine and I respond in kind. I dip so that I can slide my hands to pick her up and pull her legs around my waist. Her hands go into my hair and our kiss becomes even more passionate. I walk the couple steps to the bed, kneel on it and slowly lower her to the bed following her so that our bodies don't lose contact. I feel her nipples harden against my chest and another shiver run through her and then through me too. Her legs naturally fall open so that I'm nestled there but I don't enter her yet no matter how much I want to; I'm not nearly done exploring her gorgeous skin. After the stress of the evening, I have a primal need to make this last. I kiss down her neck and chest pausing at her breast to lick, then suck and then lick some more. Moving to the other breast, I repeat my actions and use my hand to play with the nipple I just left. I move my lips lower because I have a destination in mind. I leave a trail of wet kisses across her stomach until I end at my goal.

With her legs wide, I have a perfect view and use my finger first to tease her opening. She whimpers as I trace her without going inside or touching her clit. She whimpers again and tries to press into my hand. I'm preventing her from moving so I continue to play. The problem is that I'm not just teasing her, I'm teasing myself too and I need to taste her now. I lean in and use the flat of my tongue to lick her up; once, twice, three times. Her whimper turns to a loud cry. I settle up at her clit running my tongue around and around. Sloan has her hands in my hair holding me where I am; as if I would move. I suck and lick and nibble at her clit while she cries out over and over. I use the flat of my tongue again, this time to push on her clit while I slowly slip two fingers inside of her. Fuck, she is soaking my hand. I push my fingers in as far as they will go and then push against the wall while I push on her clit. She cries out so loud and I fear that she'll pull out tufts of my hair. I move off of her clit and slide out my fingers and simply blow air while she wiggles. Fast, I push on her clit with my tongue again and slam my two fingers inside her and move them in and out. Faster and faster my fingers and tongue work her. I can feel her get closer and closer so I stop.

Sloan cries out but this time it's because I've removed my fingers and mouth. I'm leaving soft kisses on each of her thighs and one of my hands travels up to play with one nipple and then the other.

"Sidney, please!" and she tries to use her hand to move my head.

"What baby?" then I continue kissing her thighs and close, just to the edge, of where she wants me before I move away again.

"Sidney, I need …"

I'm not done with her yet. "Tell me what you need baby. I want to hear you tell me what you want me to do to you."

She moans and tries to move my head and her hips again. "I need you to touch me again, please."

Fuck, she is so hot when she begs for it. "How do you want me to touch you baby?" She continues making sounds of frustration.

"I want to feel your tongue on me" she moans.

Hmmm, still not enough. "Where do you want my tongue baby?" Her hips can't stop now; she's grinding them now without even knowing it. Her body is running completely on instinct and I know that I've almost lot her.

"I want your tongue inside me Sid" she cries out. "Fuck me with it, pleeeease!" Now that's what I needed to hear. Fuck!

I pull her open and slam my tongue inside her while moving my finger to her clit. I use her moisture to rub her clit over and over then pinch lightly and then rub again. My tongue is doing exactly what she begged me to do; I'm tongue fucking her. She went from whimpering and mewing to moaning a deep throated, gut wrenching sound. Now she's crying out with complete abandon. Her head is thrashing around and I ride her orgasm inside of her. She pulses around my tongue and I continue to stimulate her to extend it. Her hands have fallen away from my hair and my face is soaked as she cums on me. I feel her orgasm begin to subside so I lift my head to look at her. Her body is involuntarily shivering and shuddering. I run a hand over my face to clean it off while I watch her beautiful body.

I don't want her coming down too far so I slip two fingers inside and then up over her clit. It's overly sensitive now so I'm careful and soft but I want her to go back up again. I start slowly to maintain where she is and then I build. Slowly, moment by moment, I feel her begin to respond. Her hips begin to make slight movements against my hand at first. She begins to moan again, softly at first and then with more feeling. I add a little more pressure and her hips push against my fingers. Good, she's rising up again. Her eyes suddenly open and attach to mine. They are wild with desire and I feel like my dick is going to explode. Sloan roles over suddenly, grabs my neck and then pulls me down on top of her. With her lips attached to mine, she pulls me between her legs and reaches down to guide me so that my tip is at her entrance. Her eyes are on mine again and I push inside of her. Fuck, she is so hot and wet. Her hips immediately begin to move against mine and we quickly find our rhythm. I focus hard to keep myself in check before she goes over again but it isn't easy. Sloan is doing her best to drive me insane with the sounds she makes. She pulls her knees up so that I'm reaching even deeper inside of her and I must hit the right spot because she cries out and I feel her orgasm begin so I let myself go.

I fall to my side and pull her with me. We both are trying to catch our breath and when I open my eyes I find Sloan looking at me with sheen of sweat over her face. I kiss her lips and we both smile. Her smile quickly disappears and she says "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that tonight. I never, ever would want to hurt you. Please believe me, I love you so much and would never want to hurt you."

She is in such distress. "Sloan, it's not your fault. It's really not your fault. Your brother is gone and we're back on track. I start playing again tomorrow. Everything is the way it should be and always will." Her frown doesn't disappear so I kiss it and pull her to me. "Let's get some sleep and everything will be better in the morning. Actually, everything is going to be perfect in the morning." I fall asleep easily this time and completely at peace.


	49. Chapter 49

The preparations for the second game of the playoffs is even busier than the first game. This is all new to me but I think I'm getting the hang of it. The media is demanding more availability and the players want more time to themselves. This isn't any different from the regular season but it's heightened because it's the playoffs. I have calls with the NHL offices every day to review the media plans, goals and challenges. The demands on my time have doubled and it's mostly firefighting. I love it! One of the greatest challenges in LA PR was balancing the needs of the studios, press and client and I was always firefighting. I never knew that I could find that here. It doesn't seem like I'm losing anything in my career by moving to Pittsburgh permanently next year. I'll need to figure out what to do with my interest in the LA business but I'll have the summer to work that out so I don't have to leave them to fend for themselves. As I look around the players' lounge, it's clear that we are ahead in the series, even if it is by one game, and everyone anticipates that this will continue. There is an additional buzz because they've announced that Sid will be back tonight. Ever since practice where Sid took his usual position between Kunitz and Dupuis, my phone has been blowing up and every reporter who sees me has been asking for a private moment. They all want an exclusive with Sid. No one is really surprised when I turn down every request. There will be nothing that distracts Sid from his first game back.

"It's very different from the regular season" Sam says to me as he joins me surveying the room.

"Yes, it's definitely different. I'm enjoying the frenzy though; it's very exciting" I reply.

Sam chuckles "wait until we're in the finals. I'll check back and see if you still find it exciting. It's not only the players who have injuries and get exhausted toward the end of the season. We may not be physically damaged but there is definitely fatigue."

I decide to take advantage of the lull and our relative privacy to talk to Sam about next year. "Sam, I know that the players don't want to discuss anything beyond the next game but we don't have that luxury. I need to be thinking about next year." I turn to Sam now and he also turns to face me. "Sam, currently you are Director of Content. I can see your role expanding so that you are VP of Communications in two to five years." I watch his surprise and then a smile break out over his face. "You've done really well this year Sam. Anyway, I want you to know that I'm bringing in a senior leader to replace Tom. While I think you are progressing well to take that role soon, it won't be next year. What I do want for you next year is an expanded role in Communications. You've taken on some additional responsibilities this year and I want to formalize and expand that for next year. Then we'll look at a plan to get you to that VP role. What do you think?" It's almost comical how surprised, even stunned, Sam is right now.

When he does recover, he begins "wow! I would love that, really. Sloan, I have learned so much this year. Thank you for believing in me and giving me this opportunity."

"You earned it Sam; truly. I'm thinking of broadening your scope to include Pens TV. I want to expand Jennifer's responsibility with the media so that she can take on more of the strategy. If we move Pens TV fully under you, not just the content, then that gives her the opportunity to do more media strategy. Then the new person will take on more coordination of the full strategy and free me up from those details so that I can work with the major players in the media and especially Roots." I watch Sam look like he's considering his next words carefully. "Sam, I hope you know by now that we can talk about anything."

"Ok" Sam says. "All of this sounds like you're coming back next season."

He was quick to pick that up. "I know that I can trust you Sam so, yes, I will be coming back next year for obvious reasons."

Sam smiles hugely now and simply replies "good" before we're interrupted by the players coming off the ice from practice.

Sid isn't with them so I make my way out to the ice. I see that he's stopped by the stands to sign some autographs for a few kids. Before I can move further, I hear Jennifer say behind me "I'm here. Just heard" and she runs by me to Sid's side. A few months ago, she might have just watched it happen or may not have come out at all and let Sid manage it himself. I watch her engage the kids in conversation and see her insinuate herself into the interaction seamlessly. When Sid has signed everything for them, Jennifer makes apologies to take the blame, if there is any, for pulling Sid away. Both Sid and Jennifer walk toward me and, after Sid winks at me, they head back down the tunnel. I look back at the kids and they are so excited to have the autograph and interaction with their idol. Sid is always going to go against the rules if it involves kids; he will always stop for them. Jennifer is learning very well how to manage the situation. For the second time today, I'm incredibly proud of my team and how well they are performing.

I follow after them and head to the locker room. The guys are all getting out of their equipment and the ones who are going to be interviewed are putting on warm up gear or sweats. I leave them to it and head out to the press area. Everything is set up and their waiting for the players to come out. Rossi steps up beside me and says "you still have us on a short leash Sloan."

I look at Rossi and reply "you're getting access Rob. In fact, Sid will be out in a few minutes himself."

He shakes his head and says "you know exactly what I mean Sloan. Come on; let me have a one on one with Crosby."

He is persistent, I'll give him that much. "Rob, you know that if you want individual interviews then you need to submit a request like everyone else does. We've already lived up to the agreement we signed with the Trib."

"Yeah, but come on Sloan. Just twenty minutes, please" he continues.

I can only shake my head at him. "You better get back to your chair Rossi. You'll be late to the presser." Rob shakes his head at me and goes back to his chair. Sidney comes out and the room goes quiet. When he's seated, Jennifer says "first question." Sid answers the first one, then the next and then the next. When the fifteen minutes is up, Jennifer calls for a last question and it's Rossi.

"Sid, are you going to lead the team to a five nothing game again?" There's laughter throughout the room and Sid joins them.

"I'm going to do whatever I can to help the team win" Sid replies. He is the best at the non-answer answer. Jennifer signals the end of this scrum and Sid leaves the room. A few minutes go by and Dan sits down for his interview. I slip out of the room and head up to my office knowing that my team has everything handled. I grab a coffee before heading to my office. My phone is ringing when I get there.

"Hello" I answer it.

"Sloan? It's Trina, Trina Crosby."

It's sweet that she thinks she needs to give me her last name. "Hi Trina, how are you?"

"I'm good Sloan. I wondered if you wanted to have some dinner before the game tonight. Since our hotel is around the corner, you could slip over and we could order room service and get to know each other better." She pauses now.

I really do want to know Trina better so I say "that sounds great. I would love to have dinner with you. How does four o'clock sound? I need to be back here between five and five-thirty since TV coverage goes on at seven."

"That sounds wonderful dear. We'll call it a late lunch."

She is so sweet, "great Trina. I'll see you then." We both hang up and I review my calendar to move a meeting that I have scheduled for the same time. It's much more important that I spend time with Sid's mom.

"Are you cheating on me?" I hear from my doorway. I look up and it's Sid with his back to my closed door. "You're having dinner with someone while I'm warming up and getting ready for the game?"

I talk before I can think "Sidney, I would never cheat on you, ever. That was your mom. She asked me to have dinner with her before the game. That's it, honest."

Sid chuckles and moves further into the room. "Relax Sloan, I was kidding, honest. Wow, you are wound up tight."

He stands in front of me now and cups my face in his hands. I can tell that he was just kidding around so I feel better. "Ok, sorry. Yeah, I am a little stressed out. Should I be stressed about having dinner with your mom?"

Sid frowns and replies "Sloan, she really wants to get to know you better. She knows that I'm in love with you and wants to get to know you better. That's it Sloan. There's no subtext with my family; they aren't like yours. No one is ready to eat their young at any given moment."

He's right and I need to stop looking for problems where there aren't any; for now at least. "Ok, I'm really sorry. I am looking forward to spending time with your mom. She is really very warm. When I met your parents, it was easy to see where you get your best traits Sid. I am looking forward to it; even if I'm nervous. I've never met the parents before."

"Really?" Sid asks. "Not even when you …"

He stops talking and looks horrified so I cup his face in my hands now because I know what he was going to say. "Sid, it's ok, really. You don't need to tiptoe around my past. I thought that I was over it but I don't think I ever really was; not fully and not until you." I kiss his lips softly and know that my words are the truth. Sidney has helped me cleanse my soul of my past.

"Ok, good. I hope that you'll enjoy spending time with her. I love her and I love you. Of course I'm a little biased." He kisses me now and we both linger.

"I really hate to say this Sid but I need to prepare for my next meeting and, before that, I need to juggle my schedule so that I can meet with your mom."

Sid raises his eye brow and then says "fine. I'll see you before the game?"

I give him one last kiss and reply "yes, I'll pop down to the locker room before the game. You are going to be so good tonight Sid. I can't wait to see you play in a playoff game. You're going to have a really spectacular game and I can't wait to see it."

Sid grins and turns to leave. I can't help myself from watching him leave; he looks as good going as he does coming towards me. I give myself a mental shake and then dig in. I'm going to have a very long and busy few hours if I'm going to get to Trina's hotel on time.

As I figured, the next few hours are crazy. I am left rushing to get to the hotel on time and knock on Trina's door exactly at four o'clock.

"Sloan, I'm so glad that you could come" Trina says and gives me a huge hug.

I'm surprised but I manage to hug her back. "Hi Trina, I'm sorry that I'm a little winded but it's been a crazy afternoon."

"Oh Sloan, I never thought that this must be a horrible imposition to take time from your busy game-day." Trina looks stricken as she says this to me.

I reply "Trina, really, I'm so happy for the break and even happier that I'm spending time with you. By the way, where is Troy?" I ask.

"You know how superstitious Sid is" she asks and I nod while rolling my eyes. Trina continues "well, Troy is just as superstitious. He eats at the same restaurant, eats the same thing and walks the same way to the rink for every game."

I can't help chuckling as we walk over to the living room area. We settle and Trina pours us both a glass of wine before we settle back to chat.

"Since we're alone Sloan, I would like to be candid if you will allow me." She looks at me and waits until I nod. "Good, Sloan, when Sid told us about you, I was worried. You are five years older than he is, living in LA and come from a very wealthy family. No matter how much we like, or liked, Ron, we've met kids from wealthy LA families and I wouldn't want my son in love with any of them."

I take a sip of my wine to have something to do with my hands. This is not going well. If Sid's parents don't like me then it's over. No matter what Sid feels or thinks, if his parents don't like me then it would split Sid in two.

"Then you came to PEI for my mother's funeral and I saw you take care of him. I saw you hold his hand, get him water and stay by his side no matter who wanted to talk to him or what he needed to do. It's true that people give away more by their actions then their words. I definitely want to get to know you better; but, I made up my mind that you were right for my son that day in PEI. Now I only want to know you." She takes a sip of her own wine now and waits for me.

I'm not quite sure what to say to Trina right now. The immediate acceptance by Trina confuses me and also warms my heart. Before I can say anything, my phone goes off. I give her an apologetic look and then grab my phone. It's a text from Sid.

'How is it going?' he asks me.

I look at Trina and say "Sidney is checking in. Is he worried about you or me?" That has Trina and I both laughing. "Let me reassure him and then we can get back to chatting." I message Sid back and then get comfortable. It seems like I'm really going to enjoy spending time with Trina.

* * *

Sloan texts me back 'we're good, stop worrying and go warm up.' I smile and put my phone away to do exactly what the woman said. I don't know why I was worried but it is the first time that I've brought a woman home to 'meet the parents' so to speak; maybe that's it. It's very important to me that mom and dad love Sloan as much as I do. It's vital that I give Sloan the family that she has never had. I can't wait until Taylor comes for the playoffs so that she can get to know Sloan better too.

I take my sticks and go out to the ice to tape them up. It always helps with any nerves to tape my sticks and visualize the game before I play. Everyone knows to leave me alone and they keep the benches and rink empty while I'm out there. One of the benefits of home ice is being able to control conditions like this although at away games I still tape my stick at rink side. I take a last look around the rink and then grab both of my sticks to go back to the locker room. My stretches are next. Everyone walks around me and leaves me alone during my preparation. I don't require this for my routine but it's my first game back so I guess everyone is trying to give me some space. Geno comes into the locker room but doesn't follow everyone else's leave.

"Sid, your dad and mine have a beer before game." Geno tells me.

"They are?" I ask him. "Doesn't you dad only speak Russian? How are they talking?"

Geno says "Alexei is with them." He's referring to Mr. Malkin's friend who has been coming over from Russia with the Malkins for the past couple of years. He is bilingual.

"Dad will enjoy that" I reply. "Just tell your dad not to get mine drunk. No vodka this time."

Geno laughs and answers "I don't promise" and then he heads to the gym.

The last time my father had a drink with Mr. Malkin, he had a little too much vodka and mom wasn't happy. It was actually really funny. I know that it's a stereotype that Russians drink a lot of vodka but its proven true in my experience with the Russians I know.

With my stretches done, I move to the gym and get on a treadmill. I hate running; I mean, I really hate running but it loosens everything up quickly so I run before every game. I focus on ESPN on the TV but I'm not really watching it. This is how I get focused before the game. Everything I do is a way to prepare for the sixty hard minutes we'll be on the ice. No matter how hard I try, Sloan seeps into my brain and I can't get her out. Last night with her was amazing. Not the misunderstanding of course, but everything that came after was incredible. I've had Sloan every way that I can think of and it's amazing and surprising every time. She is so hot and uninhibited. Every girl I've had before her pales in comparison in, well, every way but especially in bed, or in the shower, in the family room, anywhere. I wonder how adventurous she wants to be. I do have a few fantasies that we haven't tried; or at least I haven't tried.

"Sid" I turn when I hear my name and see Kuni with the soccer ball. I've lost track of time on the treadmill and the kick-around is about to happen. I get off of the treadmill and continue running as I go to the hallway where we kick the ball around. The game starts when I get there. It's called 'two touch.' When the ball comes to you, you have two opportunities to kick it to someone or else you're out. It's usually Geno or Kuni to the very end. Engel or Nealer are usually the first one out. I'm out this time somewhere in the middle. As I walk back to the locker room I see Sloan in the hall leaning against the wall and talking to Michelle. I can't help but look over her body from bottom to top. We're going to win tonight, my first game back, and then I'm going to take her home and fuck her brains out.

Unfortunately, we don't win the game. It was our own fucking fault too. We were up 3-1 going into the second period and then we had an epic break down. Our defense sucked huge, Flower folded in the cage and we couldn't catch a single break. The room is quiet when we all get inside after the game. We know that we gave the game away, not to take anything away from the Islanders because they were great, but we gave it to them. I hate that my first game back was a loss. Fuck, I hate when we lose any time. My two goals don't mean shit if we lose. We head to New York tomorrow and have to play in their barn. At least we're good on the road but I'm really concerned about Flower. It's like he's lost his confidence. We have Vokoun at least this year but we need Flower too. I look up and see Sloan at the door. She tilts her head while looking at me and I know she's giving me her sympathy. This was not the beginning to the night I wanted damnit.


	50. Chapter 50

We have an optional skate the day after we return from the road trip. We split the games in New York and the series is tied at two apiece. I decide to take the option and don't skate. I get some treatment for bumps and strains then work out. I'm done around 2pm and that gives me an idea. After getting into my car, I call Sloan and she answers on the second ring.

"Hi Sid, how was the work out?"

"It was good. I, um, have an idea" I tell her and I'm tongue tied. I should have given it more thought before calling her.

"What's your idea?" she asks.

I swallow hard before replying then dive right in. "I want to have some fun tonight a little different than we usually do. Are you up for that?"

Sloan pauses for a moment then says "are you talking about sex Sid?"

I can feel myself blush and I'm really glad we're on the phone. "Yeah" is all I say. "Are you willing to trust me?" I ask.

"Of course Sid. It sounds like you have a few fantasies you'd like to play out. I'm all for it."

Now I'm getting less embarrassed and more excited. "Good, thank you."

"Sid, hopefully by the end of the evening I'll be thanking you." She chuckles low and I feel my dick twitch.

"What time do you think you'll be home?" I ask.

She pauses then replies "should be home by 7pm."

She'll be home earlier than usual, good. "Text me before you leave, ok?"

"Will do. Now the day is going to drag. I can't wait."

"Me either babe. See you later."

Now I have to get going because I have a lot to do. I need to stop by Whole Food to pick up a few things. It doesn't take me long to get there. I pull my cap down farther over my eyes and hope no one recognizes me. I grab the few things I need and only the cashier recognizes me. I've been here a few times and have seen her before so there's no big deal made.

I get home and look over everything I have. Wow, I have a lot of set up to do for this evening. First I head up to the bedroom and set everything up in there. It takes me over an hour; of course I change the sheets too. I head back to the kitchen and get everything ready down there too. I look at the clock and I don't have too much time left before Sloan gets home. I quickly shower and throw on jeans and a tee shirt. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing because I won't be wearing it for long. One last look and I know that I'm ready. God, I'm starting to get hard just thinking about the night ahead. My phone goes off and it's Sloan telling me that she's on her way. Ok, guess I'm ready too.

* * *

I've been curious all day as to what Sid has in mind for us tonight. He sounded so hesitant when we talked on the phone earlier and he mentioned his 'idea.' It was so sweet. I'm really glad that he said something about his fantasies and I'm hoping it's as exciting as I anticipate it to be. I message Sid before I leave Consol and he tells me to come upstairs to the bedroom but not to come in. I'm intrigued for sure and can't wait. Thankfully I don't pass any cops on my way home because I'm pushing the speed limit. I almost run into the house when I get there and I do drop my purse and bag at the front door along with my coat and shoes.

When I reach the door, I find Sid standing in front of it waiting for me holding one of his ties in his hand. What does he have in mind? I guess I'm staring at the tie because he says to me "do you trust me?" I bite my lip and nod. He motions me to turn around so I do and he places the tie over my eyes as a blindfold and does it up. I feel him say in my ear "let me lead you Sloan." I feel his breath all the way to my core and I know that I'll follow him anywhere. He turns me around and I feel his arm around my waist as he guides me. I know that we're going toward the bedroom and hear him open the door. When we walk in, my senses are immediately assaulted. I can smell the wax of candles burning. I hear some orchestral music playing. We don't stop though; Sidney guides me deeper into the room until I can feel the tile beneath my bare feet and I know that we're in the bathroom.

I hear door close behind me and I jump. I can smell more wax and the bubble bath I usually use. I reach up to undo the tie and Sidney's hands are immediately covering my own. "Not yet babe; the tie needs to stay on." Hmm, this is interesting; I'm really enjoying this side of Sid. I stay where I am standing and feel Sid's hands on the buttons of my blouse. With the release of each button, I feel his fingers graze my skin and I shiver in response. When the blouse is open, he pushes it off of my shoulders. My eyes are covered but I can feel his gaze on my breasts and I shiver again. He runs is fingertips over the swell of one breast and then the other. I'm aching for him to touch more but he doesn't. I sense that he's close and then I feel his lips on mine. I move my hands up to his chest but he swats them away. "No touching Sloan." I am incredibly turned on now. His tongue slips out and licks at each corner of my mouth and then my lips themselves. I open my mouth but he moves back from me. I feel each of his hands slide up the back of my thighs and up to my ass under my skirt. I feel his body against mine and his fingers push my legs slightly apart. One of his hands slides over my hip and in between us. He takes one finger and slides it between my legs from my entrance to my clit moving the moisture around. I think I've been wet most of the day in anticipation for this evening.

I hear him lick his finger and then he whispers "you taste so good Sloan" in my ear. A gasp escapes my lips; I'm so turned on from his words. Sid has become more assertive in the past weeks and I love it. He moves his whole hand to cup my mound and he massages there. I try to shift so that he slips his fingers inside but he won't. I moan and grab his arm to try and move his hand. He pulls it back and says "I said no touching Sloan. You're being a bad girl; are you looking to get punished." Oh my God, I can't believe that he's saying these things to me. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this and I'm surprised and incredibly turned on. I can actually feel more moisture pool between my legs. I shake my head trying to play along. "Good, then you need to behave." He shifts away from me and unzips my skirt so that it falls to me feet. While behind me, Sid also unclasps my bra and pushes the straps off of my shoulders so that it follows my skirt to my feet. His fingers also make quick work of my panties too. I feel exposed standing naked in front of Sidney blindfolded and I love it.

He takes my hands and guides me to the tub. I feel his hands at my waist and he lifts me into the tub. I feel the hot water on my legs and he guides me down into the water. "Lay back babe." I do and feel the bubbles and warm water surround me. I actually sigh it feels so good. I hear and feel the water move then I feel Sid's hands slide over my shoulders and smell my favourite soap. The soap allows his nimble fingers to slide over my skin. He starts at shoulders and works down each arm. It's relaxing as he massages while he goes. I hear the water again and think he's lathering up again. He starts at my shoulders again but this time, instead of moving down my arms, his slippery fingers slide over each of my breasts. I gasp again and actually feel my hips shift without realizing what I'm doing. His fingers lightly trace around my nipples then he pinches ever so lightly but enough to make me cry out. It feels so good. Again I'm surprised at this side of Sid and it is so fucking hot.

When he's finished with my breasts, he moves lower over my stomach and massages the muscles there. One hand continues to travel lower and he cups me again. I try to push against him but his other hand is holding me still. I wait and wait but he doesn't move. I cry out a little but he still doesn't move his hand.

"Sid?" I beg him.

He only says "yes?"

I try to move against him again but he continues to hold me where I am. "Sidney please."

I hear him chuckle low and deep. "Yes?" I almost die waiting for him to touch me.

"I need you to touch me, please Sidney." I'm actually begging him; I feel like I'm going to die if he doesn't touch me.

"Where do you want me to touch you?" This is killing me.

"I need you to touch me deep inside Sidney, please." I keep trying to move so that his finger slips just an inch lower but he's an immovable force. I feel his breath at my ear. He licks my ear and sucks my lobe into his mouth.

After sucking it and running his tongue over it, he bites down then whispers "how deep do you want me to go inside you?"

He's killing me now. "Please Sidney, God, I need to feel you as deep inside as you can. Now!" As I say the last word he pushes two fingers inside me as deep as his hand will allow. It happens so fast that I can't even catch my breath because he's pushing at 'that' spot deep inside. He's pushing up from inside and down using the hand on my stomach. My hips come off the tub and I scream out. He does it again and I'm prepared this time but I still scream. The pleasure is so overwhelming. With all of the lead up to this point, all day really, all it takes is his last push and I explode. I think I scream long and loud. I feel electricity go through my whole body down to my toes and fingers and I'm shaking all over.

I finally come down and I feel his hands sliding over my body. One hand has move up my stomach and over my breasts. He cups my cheek and he tilts my face towards him. I feel his lips slide over mine and then over my cheek to my ear. "I'm not nearly done with you Sloan." I shiver again. I can tell that he is moving away and I hear the rustle that I think is him taking off of his clothes. "Lean forward" he directs me and I do. He steps into the tub and slips in behind me with his legs on either side. He reaches around and pulls me back to him with one hand on my breast and the other low on my stomach. I shiver again. Is there no end to the pleasure this man can give me? I certainly hope not. I can feel that he's hard and I shift my hips slightly to move against him.

Again, at my ear, I hear "you're being naughty again. Whatever am I going to do with you?" and then he bites down on my lobe again. I feel it deep down as he sooths with his tongue. His hands move so that he is hugging me closer to him. I love the feeling of being completely enveloped in his arms. He slips us down lower so that we are submerged to my chin. I can feel my body relaxing more and more. It feels so good to be in his arms and, well, feeling very well loved.

I cry out as I feel a pinch on my ass. "Ow."

Sid chuckles "I can't have you relaxing too much Sloan. I told you that I'm still not done yet."

Ok, that's made me shiver again. His hands begin to follow every curve of my body. There isn't any of my skin that he doesn't possess and there is no way that I'm relaxing now. I feel my nerve endings come alive again. His fingers play me like a well-tuned instrument and he's the maestro. His fingertips graze the inside of my thighs and I shiver all over. Just the hint of a touch does it to me now. I guess my head flops to the side which only exposes my neck for him to explore with his lips and tongue. He takes a long lick at the skin just blow my earlobe and then kisses it. He takes another long lick and then kisses there again. One of his hands has gone to my breast while his lips play with my neck. His hand doesn't move nor does play it with the nipple; it simply stays there and possesses. I feel the nipple pucker under his hand. I feel his warm breath in my ear and I know that he knows how much that drives me crazy. His free hand slides between my legs and one finger slips in to lightly touch my clit and I cry out. It is so sensitive after his ministrations and an orgasm. It's almost painful how intensely sensitive it is right now. He holds his finger there with slight pressure. He holds my breast with the same pressure and his lips are on my neck. It's like he's trying to gauge how much I can take. His finger pushes ever so slightly on my clit and I cry out again. It feels incredible and sore all at the same time.

He moves his hands and whispers "lean forward." I do and he gets out of the tub. A few minutes later, he grabs my hands and says "get up slowly babe." I do and then he says "step out. I have you and there is a mat." I do and begin to shiver. As warm as the room is, it's cold after the warm bath. I'm not cold for long because Sidney has wrapped me in a towel and is using another to dry my exposed skin. He rubs the soft towel slowly and lightly over my exposed skin. I can tell he's deliberately being gentle and teasing at the same time. I'm desperate to open my eyes and ask him to let me see. He responds "in a moment. Stay right here." I follow his directions while he walks away and then he's back. He pulls the towel from around me away and I hear it drop. He takes my hands and guides me out of the bathroom and into our bedroom.

When we are inside, and I think close to the middle of the room, he reaches for the blindfold and pulls it off of me. It doesn't take me long to adjust to the light because it's only candles but there seem like hundreds of them. I turn to Sidney and he's only wearing a grin. I can't help it. I leap into his arms and only having quick reflexes lets him catch me. He twirls me around and I hold on tight. When he lets me down in front of him, I hold his face in each of my hands and bring his lips down to mine. When we part, I know that I have tears in my eyes. He brushes them away with his thumbs and is looking at quizzically. "They're good tears baby. I love you so much and am so lucky to have you in my life. Not just for tonight, this has been incredible by the way, but for everything that you do for me. I love you so much." He gives me his misty smile that tells me he feels exactly the same way. A thought comes into my head and I kiss him again, a little more deeply, and slowly walk him toward the bed. He doesn't realize how close the bed is since he's walking backwards. He does know when he falls back on it. I know there's a smile on my face when I say "my turn."

* * *

Sloan is standing over me as I lay back on the bed. I still have plans for her but she has that smile on her face, the one that drives me incredibly wild, so I let her take over for a while. She kneels in front of me and runs her hands up each of my thighs then back down again. She continues that way, up and down and up and down. She changes so that her nails are scraping at my skin and my dick twitches. She smiles again knowing exactly what she's doing to me. Her hands move so that they touch my dick. Her fingers outline it growing harder. As she strokes me, she leans in and kisses my neck; first on one side and then on the other. Her lips travel lower and she kisses and licks at my chest, nipples and then lower. With a last smile up at me, she travels lower. Her nimble fingers are still stroking me. She takes me in hand and gives me little licks on the tip. Her tongue feels so good. Her hand lightly strokes me as she licks at the tip. I groan out loud when she takes the whole tip in her mouth and sucks at it. I'm overwhelmed by the different sensations. Her hand is stroking, her lips are sucking and her tongue is running around the tip. Fuck, she knows exactly what I like and exactly how to drive me crazy. I use my hand and slightly shift her so that I can watch as she sucks me off. Those lips, plump from my kissing, look incredible wrapped around me. I am watching her and it turns me on even more. Fuck, she knows exactly what she's doing.

Just when I don't think that I can take anymore, she reaches up with her free hand and begins to stroke my balls. I don't know how she is able to touch me everywhere at once but she's doing it and I'm coming apart. I want to cum deep inside her again so I pull her up. She looks at me quizzically and I pull her so that my mouth is in her ear. She shivers when she feels my breath; I know exactly what she likes too. "I want to cum deep inside you babe. I want to be balls deep inside of you." I pull back and her eyes are wide open on mine and a smile grows on her lips. I take those lips and crush mine to them. I tilt her head so that I get better access to her mouth. My tongue sweeps her mouth and then I take her bottom lip between my teeth. I nip just hard enough for her to cry softly and then I sooth it with my tongue. I can't help crushing my lips to hers again.

I push her up until she's standing in front of me now beside the bed and I take one breast in my mouth. I suck at her nipple and then nip at that with my teeth too. She cries out my name and my dick twitches again. I feel pre cum on the tip and just pray that I'll last. I move to the other nipple and repeat the suck and nip. Her hands are in my hair now holding me to her. I continue with one breast and then the other; back and forth between each until her hands fist in my hair and pull my head back. Before I can object, she's crushing her lips to mine again. My hands travel to her ass and massage the soft skin and muscles there. I separate her cheeks and her legs widen for me. We continue to devour each other's lips and I slide one of my hands down her leg then up the inside of thigh. I slip my hand up between her legs and feel her from front to back and then front again. Fuck, she's dripping again. I push my thumb on her clit and she moans right into my mouth. I can't believe how huge her clit is and so sensitive too from our previous play. I push again and she leans heavily on my shoulders as she cries out again.

I grab her waist and throw her on the bed slamming inside her at the same time. She screams out. I am having trouble controlling myself but she's right there with me so I keep thrusting. She continues to moan and cry out. I want to feel a different angle so I get up and kneel then push her onto her stomach. Pulling her hips up to me, I thrust into her again and get even deeper at this angle. I'm so close, too close to wait for her much longer so I reach under her and push on her clit again. Her orgasm starts as she screams out my name. I let go and enjoy my own ride. When I can finally think, I collapse beside her with only a last minute thought preventing me from falling on her. I can finally open my eyes and I look at her. I can't see her face so I brush it from her face and there is a brilliant smile there.

"Have I mentioned that I love your idea Crosby" she says with a smile.

I can't help but say "I'm not nearly done with you yet."

I get up from the bed and grab the tie before making my way back to the bed. She lifts an eye brow at me and says "really? Have I mentioned how much I love your stamina?"

That makes me smile and I motion for her to kneel on the bed. She does and I put the tie on her eyes again. "Don't move, not a bit" I say after I lay her back against the pillows. Quickly, I run downstairs and get what I need.

Back in the bedroom, I see that she's stayed where it told her to and I pause a moment to look over her well used body. It's no wonder I get ideas when I can touch and love a body like that.

I set one of the bowls on the bed and straddle over Sloan. I slowly start kissing her cheeks and then down her neck. She nuzzles and sighs into me. While I love my Sloan soft, that isn't what I want tonight. I slide down her body until I can situate myself between her legs. I'm holding myself up so that I don't crush her which means I can only touch her with my lips and tongue; but, I'm managing just fine. I slide lower on her body so that I can taste her breasts. First, I move my tongue around one to taste the nipple and then kiss every inch of her breast. Her skin is so soft here. I take that nipple into my mouth and suck on it then run my tongue around it the way she loves. I move to the other breast and give it all of the attention it too deserves. I play with her nipple between my thumb and finger as my lips move lower on her body. I kiss across her flat and smooth stomach but leave it soon after for my true goal.

I settle between her legs and push them far apart so that I can see her. I reach for the whipped cream this time. I look up and she's propped on a pillow with the blindfold on and it makes me hard again know that she has no idea what I'm going to do to her. She's biting her lip. I dip my finger in the whipped cream and spread it over her. She shivers at the cold and her hips rotate up. I just watch the way the cream settles against her hot skin. Some has slid onto her thighs so I lick it up there but that's as far as I go. Sloan begins to whimper and her hips move again. I see some cream drip onto her other thigh so I lick at it there while looking up at her. She might bite clean through that lip. She's mewing and whimpering now. I just smile up at her.

She just moves her hips again but I stay watching her. There is a long drip now down her thigh so I start at the bottom and lick all the way to the top stopping short of where I want to go but I'm not done teasing her yet. She moans and tries to move but I'm holding her thighs open now.

I use my fingers to open her up wide for me and then I lick the cream off of her. First I use little licks that tease her. Then I use a couple of long licks with the flat of my tongue along the length of her. I open her up even further and focus on her clit for a while. First more whip cream and then I use my tongue to flick at first, the light and feathery kind, then I push down with my tongue and suck with my lips, alternating back and forth. I continue until all of the whip cream is gone. She begins to cry and moan loudly now. God she tastes so good with the whipped cream and that taste that is uniquely her. I know she's getting close. Her clit is huge now even though it was already big from her last orgasm. The whipped cream has been replaced by her juices. I use my fingers to continue playing with her clit while I slide my tongue inside her fast. I lap up inside of her while my fingers play. It doesn't take long before she's thrusting into my face and I feel her inside walls begin to shake. Her orgasm rips through her as I continue to ride it.

It's not enough for me so I quickly slide up her body, pull her hands over her head with one of mine and slam into her. She pushes her legs wider so that I can go deeper. This is exactly what I wanted; this is exactly what I wanted to do with her, to her. She's blindfolded, can't move her hands and she's crying out my name as I continue to thrust inside her. Her entire body is tight getting ready for her next orgasm or maybe still up from her last. I didn't give her much of a chance to come back down before taking her again. I continue to slam hard in and out and I know I'm going to cum soon. At least I have the presence of mind, who knows how, to make sure she cums first. Then a few more thrusts and I'm gone, absolutely unconscious.


	51. Chapter 51

**_Author note: sorry for the wait everyone. Both work and life got in the way this week. I thought that might happen which is why I gave you an extra long, extra juicy one last time. Maybe I should apologize for this one two; guess who's back?_**

* * *

I wake up stiff and sore the next morning. There are definite aches that I'm not used to having. Sid is most likely used to waking up with aches although they are usually from hockey. I didn't play hockey last night but I'm definitely sore everywhere. Every time I thought that Sid was sated, he took me on another exciting journey. I shift and stretch to take inventory: lower back is sore; thighs are sore; and my vagina, holy shit it's sore. How much sex do you have to have that your vagina gets sore? I think it actually trembles as I sit up at the side of the bed. I'm also sticky from the whipped cream, honey, strawberries, pineapple and chocolate sauce having been smeared across and then licked off of my body. I look behind me and Sid is buried into his pillow but I can see the nail marks that I left when I dug into his shoulders and raked them across his back. I survey the room and it is a mess. There are clothes strewn everywhere, candles gutted out and various plates and jars on most of the surfaces not holding candles. It definitely needs to be cleaned up but I need a shower first.

I pad into the bathroom and see the mess here too. Wow, we tore up the place. Desperate for a shower, I turn it on to heat up and find a clean towel to dry off when I'm done. Bathing takes a little longer than usual as I find honey in interesting places and dried whip cream in my hair. Thank goodness we have a shower massager to reach some hard to reach areas. When the hot and hard spray hits my clit I almost cry out from the pain. Ok, it definitely got abused last night and is letting me know it. Wow, I don't think that I've ever been so thoroughly used in my entire life. Sid's aggression was so hot. He's been taking more control when we have sex recently but nothing like last night. He was amazing last night. Even when he let me take over, he was still in control and simply allowed me to play for a while. I never thought that, as a modern woman, I would be so excited by having a man in control. Maybe it's because it's Sidney and I trust him completely do it. I never would have thought he was capable of this when we first started together. I had to show him how to touch me for God's sake. Now, he needs no direction as my aching body reminds me.

Feeling a little more human now, I dry my hair and do my make-up. Still naked, I go back into the bedroom and Sid is sitting up in bed but not quite all the way awake. His eyes do open further when he sees me come out of the bathroom.

"I hope this means you're coming back to bed" he says.

I chuckle and say "there is no way. I am stiff and sore everywhere."

I continue through the bedroom and into the closet. Sid surprises me when he lightly on the shoulder.

"Sid, really, maybe tonight." I'm laughing as I turn around but stop immediately when I see a weird look come over his face. "What is it Sid?"

He doesn't answer me. Instead, he brushes the hair off of my shoulder and looks almost horrified. I try to look where his eyes are but I can't see anything. "What is it Sid?" I ask again.

This time he answers me. "You're bruised Sloan. I'm so sorry." Now I know what he's upset about.

I take his face in my hands before he can turn away and reply "Sid, it's ok. We were very, well, energetic last night; that's both of us. Have you looked at your back? You have nail marks in your shoulders and scratches up and down your back."

He looks up into my eyes, searching. I can see the moment when he believes me. He sighs and then says "how am I going to explain that to the guys in the locker room?"

I smile back at him then kiss his lips. I feel his morning wood against me. "Sid, you're going to have to take care of that yourself. I'm running late and way too tired anyway."

He chuckles, as I'd hoped he would, and swats my ass, lightly thank goodness, and leaves me to get dressed. When I'm ready for work, I head downstairs and find Sid in the kitchen.

"Why don't you go back to bed Sid? You have time before practice." I suggest to him.

Sid stands, stretches and walks over to me. "I think I will babe. Oh, I invited mom and dad over for dinner tonight. Before you say anything, mom insisted on cooking even when I tried to convince her not to Sloan."

I think about it and it sounds just like Trina. She would insist on cooking for us. "That is a very 'mom' thing to do Sid. Well, everyone's mother but mine of course. She is a good cook, right?"

Sid laughs and says "a really, really good cook."

I kiss Sid and say "I look forward to it" then I head out the door.

* * *

The next few days go by quickly. We won the Islander series and are now preparing for the first Ottawa game. Mom and dad went back to Nova Scotia after the last home game. The series with the Isles was hard but Sloan was great during it. For someone who knew nothing about hockey a few months ago, she has slipped seamlessly into the life. We've slipped into a great routine too.

Practice was intense today. We're all a little battered and bruised but the excitement is palpable that we got through the first round after last year's epic failure. Well, all of us except Flower. He didn't get through the series. Vokoun had to come in and become our starter. Flower is a shell of himself; he's destroyed. It was the right call by Dan but that doesn't mean that I don't feel bad for Flower and I still need to support Vokie. It's bad news all the way around and if Marc-Andres doesn't figure this out for next year than the organization may need to do something about it.

We start the Ottawa series tonight and I can't wait. I've been able to reduce the size of the chin guard and can see better. I'm winning more face offs and can see the ice better too. The only thing that dampens my mood is the thought of Ron coming back to town. He usually doesn't join us in the first round but he's always here, in Pittsburgh, for the subsequent rounds. I know that Sloan's going to be stressed about it. My parents will be here at least. It's been really nice to see how much mom and Sloan have been getting along. They've formed an incredible bond. They talk almost as much as dad and I do. I was a little concerned how Taylor would react but she and Sloan are getting along great too. Now we just need to win the Cup and everything will be perfect. I wonder if it's too fast to plan a wedding for August in Cole Harbour.

I say goodbye to the guys and text Sloan as I head to my car.

'Nap?' I ask her. Sometimes she comes home with me for my afternoon nap.

'Can't Sid, sorry.' She texts back.

I didn't expect that she could today, the first game of the second series but it was worth a shot.

'Ok, I'll see you later.' I tell her.

'Nite, nite' she sends back.

I can't help but smile as I get into the car. Yep, everything is going great.

* * *

I couldn't tell Sid before his nap that my father was here. He would want to come to my office and get involved which he doesn't need before the first game of the series. I bring myself back to the conversation and watch my father laugh and joke with David. Unfortunately, there's nowhere else I need to be right now or an excuse I could even make up. Everything is really quiet at the rink for the next couple of hours. We don't even let the press back in.

"Sloan?"

I look up at my father's voice. He looks slightly annoyed that I missed his question.

Sorry" I tell him. "What did you say?"

"How is the interviewing going for your replacement?" He asks me.

Before I can say anything, David jumps in. "Ron, actually, I've been interviewing and creating the first short list. It seemed better for me to judge organizational fit and then Sloan can interview for strategy and skill."

I look at David surprised. He's lying for Sidney and me but I don't know why. Of course, I'm not going to argue with him.

My father says "I guess that makes sense. We do need to ensure fit in the organization. McMillian proved that to us, huh?" He laughs as if he's made a joke. David and I join him although I don't know why I'm laughing. David's phone rings and he steps away to take the call. It's the first time since he got here that I've been alone with my father.

"So Sloan, how have you been? No residual, well, fall out over your dalliance and subsequent break up with Crosby I hope." He says to me with a smirk.

"No, it went smoothly. Everyone is focused solely on the playoffs and winning the Cup." I tell him.

"Good girl, looks like you're finally getting smarter. I hope you enjoyed your brother's visit" he says with another smirk.

"John is John. He only stayed for a short time at least." I had to be honest here. Our father knows that John and I don't get along. In fact, that's why father sent him.

David joins us again then they both leave to go to David's office. I go back to my desk and try to focus on work. No such luck with my father in town. I take a moment, lean my head back and shut my eyes. It helps me calm my brain even there is still an ache behind my eyes. When my phone rings, I actually consider ignoring it but I can't do it.

"Hello" I answer it without looking at it.

"Hi there sweetie, how are you?" It's Trina's voice.

"Hi Trina. How are you? When are you coming back to town?" I ask her.

"I'm sorry we couldn't be there for today's game but we will be arriving tomorrow before dinner. Has your father arrived?" She asks.

"Yes, he got here an hour ago and has already be torturing me" I answer. While Trina was here for the first series, we had some really great, long chats. I told her all about my parent's divorce and my abusive history; up to that one thing of course. I couldn't do it.

"Oh sweetie, well, we'll be there tomorrow and can help distract him for you." Trina tells me. She really is so sweet.

I respond "thank you Trina. I know I shouldn't let him bother me, and for the most part I don't, but sometimes he gets under my skin, you know?"

I hear her sigh through the phone. "Yes, I know Sloan. It will get better. At the end of the season, everything will be out in the open and there will be no reason to hold your tongue. All of the secrets will be out."

Trina doesn't know how prophetic her statement is right now. She'll learn soon enough I guess. We talk a little more and I make sure to get her flight information. Sid always arranges a car for them so I want to make sure he has the all of the details. After I hang up, I realize how silly that is since Sid doesn't arrange that himself. Pat's office does it for him.

I can't get rid of the feeling of nausea that comes over me every time I think about how happy we are together. I'm happy too of course; I can see a future with Sid so clearly in my mind when I try to picture it. I have adapted so well the hockey life. The travel is hard but I'm with Sid so it's not that hard. It will be interesting to see what travel will look like for us next year. Everyone will know that we're together but we'll probably still stay in separate rooms. Sid won't want to be different from the rest of his team mates. It's very important to him that he's one of them. At least no one will accuse him of getting favoritism. He could get it easily, if he wanted it, simply because he's Sidney Crosby. He wouldn't need to be dating the boss's daughter.

My phone rings again and it's NBC about the broadcast tonight. That begins my hectic afternoon. I don't think I stopped until Sam knocked on my door and asked "are you coming?"

I look at my watch and it's 6pm already. "Wow, I totally lost track of time. Yeah, I'm coming" I tell him and then follow him downstairs. After a quick huddle with Michelle and Sam, I head to the locker room. I love this time of day. The guys have all warmed up and now they're doing their last rituals before putting their gear on. Some, like Brooks, are sitting silently at their stall. Sid told me that Brooks likes to visualize the whole game before he puts on his gear. Others, like Sid, go out to the ice before we open, to do that stuff. I love the intensity and electricity in the room. It always gets me pumped too; like a contact high. Of course I feel a thrill go through me every time I see Sidney go by in his tight under clothes. It's like a second skin on him. Between the body and the intensity on his face, I can feel it deep inside me. I really hope they win tonight.

"Checking out the product Sloan." I don't need to turn around to know it's my father.

I manage to hold back a sigh and respond "I like coming down here before the game. It's like the eye in the middle of the hurricane. All around them is craziness; inside the rink, outside the doors, even in the press booth. But here, in here, there's calm and intensity."

"Still waxing poetic little girl?" He knows that I hate it when he calls me that. "Who would have thought you'd find something here that you like. Bet you're missing the LA weather though."

This time I can't hold back the sigh when I say "the weather does suck but Pittsburgh is a great city."

My father replies "sure Sloan" sarcastically then he pats my arm and heads down the hall.

I don't notice Sid until I hear him whisper "are you ok? Why didn't you tell me he got in?"

I put on my company smile in case anyone is watching then turn to face Sid. "He got in this morning and there was nothing that you could do. You were going to find out when you got here for the game. I didn't see any reason to tell you before your nap."

He takes a deep breath then says "fine. Are you ok?"

"Yes Sid, I'm fine. Finish this series quickly, ok?" I ask him and he laughs.

"I'll do the best I can babe" and then he walks away. I can't resist watching him go.

The rest of the time before the game starts flies by. NBC has an issue that need to be fixed. Then Roots wants an interview with a couple of the players. I tell them as delicately as I can that there was no chance that's going to happen. They don't have playoff rights but I give them marks for being brazen. Jennifer has a minor meltdown that requires some hand holding. It's the first time that she's gone through to the second round with the Pens in her current role and she feels the weight and the stress for a few minutes. Once she's off the ledge then I move on to the next crisis. They aren't in short supply before the game. Finally, the guys take the ice for the national anthems and then the puck drops. The next couple of hours fly by for me.

The guys won the game 4-1; Geno had a huge game and Vokoun was spectacular in goal. The locker room is electric after the game. The guys are excited but there is still caution underneath it all. They know that they can't take anything for granted. It is the playoffs and anything can happen, anything. They're really feeling like their game is coming together although no one would dare say that out loud. These guys are all incredibly superstitious. There are some things that you just don't say.

I leave them and walk out to the interview area. The press are all milling around and waiting for the signal to sit down. The first team out is always the home team. They get preferential treatment of getting the media over with quickly. The visitors go last.

"Who are we getting today?" I turn when I hear the question and it's Dan Potash.

I can't help but smile when I see him. You always smile when you see Potash. "Hi Dan, the regulars I guess" is all I tell him.

"C'mon Sloan. Are we getting Geno? Are getting Vokoun?" He throws at me.

I turn to him and decide to throw him a bone. "Yep, you get Geno. We're even going to give you Vokoun" and I watch Dan's eyes get wide with surprise at that name. We almost never let the press get their hands on the goalies during the playoffs. They're a rare breed of player and need to be treated as such. "Tell your friends Dan; one question about Fleury and we'll stop the interview. Before you bring it up, no, I'm not telling you what you can and can't ask. I'm only saying what will happen if that particular question is asked of Vokoun. Ask any other player or coach but not Thomas. Got it?" I look directly into his eyes now.

"Yeah" he says. "I got it." Then he moves a little closer to me and lowers his voice. "I haven't been able to connect with Sid since weren't not the broadcaster for the playoffs. Please tell him that reporters are talking about your relationship. Right now, it's the guys we know and trust but the room isn't that big and others are staring to watch. You may not have much time left to keep this a secret."

I've been staring at him since he started and schooled my face to give nothing away. In the end I give him a simply nod and say "thank you" then we part.

The first thing that crosses my mind is how much these people really love Sidney that even the reporters, who could get a lot of press by breaking the news of our relationship, are keeping their mouths closed. They are good guys, and girls of course. My very next thought is that if the press is talking, how much longer do we have before my father knows that I defied him. That's the moment that he'll seek his revenge and then the bubble bursts.


	52. Chapter 52

Winning the first game of the series put Sidney on a very good mood. I promised to cook for him if they won so I'm currently in the kitchen while he's catching scores and recaps from the other games in the family room. I knew he was going to be really hungry so I picked salmon and grilled vegetables to be able to put something together quickly. I don't cook often but I can definitely cook. It's going to be a big surprise to Sid. We are both at Consol every day, all day so we eat there primarily or are so tired that we get take out.

The salmon is in the oven and almost done. I'm layering the grilled vegetables with goat's cheese and basil then a thin layer of balsamic glaze on top. As I finish the veg, the timer goes off and the salmon is done. "Sid, dinner is ready, would you poor the wine please?" I hear him move into the dining room as I place all of the food on platters. Taking a quick look, I see that everything is turned off and I have all of the food together.

Sid glances up from pouring the wine as I come in the room with the platters. "Wow, delicious; the food too." He tells me.

I roll my eyes at his incredibly cheesy comment. "Sid, seriously, sit down." I place the platters on the table and we dig in.

Sid looks up at me after taking a few bites and says "holy shit, you really can cook. This is delicious Sloan, seriously good."

I smile at him and say "thanks. I do love to cook. Maybe this summer I can do more of it." I say this without thinking. We've been so very careful not to talk about our future at all. Now I look at Sid quickly and he has a huge smile on his face but, thankfully, he doesn't respond to my statement. He looks so happy right now. I take a mental picture of the moment that I know I'll remember it over the years to come of an incredibly happy time.

We finish eating dinner and clean up together. It's all very domestic and feels natural. We then move up to the bedroom and get ready for bed. Sid has an optional practice tomorrow so he'll go in to work out and watch tape but he won't skate. He'll probably get some treatment too.

"How's your back?" I ask him. He had some pain and I know he got hit a few times, badly, tonight.

He crawls into bed and sighs. "It's killing me. I can't wait until I can't get some treatment tomorrow."

That gives me an idea. I run off to the bathroom and get some ice gel. When back in bed, I tell him "roll over."

He raises an eye brow at me and then notices the ice gel in my hands. I think he's grinning more now than if I had proposed sex. He flips over quickly. I slide his shorts down so that I can access his lower back. After warming some gel in my hands, I start rubbing his tight muscles of his back and Sid moans. I'm sure that I'm not nearly as good as the trainers but it's doing the job.

"Sloan, if I hadn't already declared my love for you, you'd have my heart forever right now" he tells me and I chuckle. I continue to work the knots and Sid occasionally moans and sighs. I soften my pressure slowly and work up and down his back. I can feel him relax until he has fallen asleep. I'm glad that I can do these little things for Sidney. I think over the evening as I wash my hands and put the jar away. When back in bed, I look over Sid before turning off the light. We live such big lives and have such incredible highs in them; but, it's the small moments like this that I truly cherish. I love taking care of Sid. He's so good to me and has done so much for me that I want to do anything I can for him. I turn off the light and settle beside Sid on his pillow. He shifts to pull me closer to him as I'd hoped he would. Even in his sleep, Sid holds me close to him. I easily drift off to sleep.

The next game was incredible. Sidney had a hat trick and scored all three of those goals in the first twenty one minutes of the game. He was the first star of the game of course. It was hard not to feel the excitement after winning the first two at home. Going to Ottawa, we dropped the first game in overtime. Sid said that we gave it away basically and in the last moments of the third period too due to a defensive breakdown. The guys were so pissed off that they went out in game four and won it seven to three. Sid had another goal as did his line mates Chris and Pascal. We came back to Pittsburgh for the fifth game which ends up being the last game in the series. As I watch the locker room, the guys are definitely giving themselves permission to celebrate the end to this series. It's an incredible feeling watching them have some fun. James is trying to be humble but he had his own hat trick tonight; a career first in the playoffs. Sid didn't get a goal but he did have an assist.

I've managed to stay busy and avoid my father most of the series. We had dinner twice and it was torturous. Thankfully Mario and Nathalie joined us for one of them. He hasn't caught on that I don't live at the hotel anymore. With most of his businesses being run out of LA, he goes back to his house after the games to call LA and deal with whatever he needs to there. The time difference has helped save me. I also think that it's beyond his comprehension that I wouldn't follow his directives so it never crosses his mind that I wouldn't have broken up with Sid. I'm going to have to confess but at least it will be on my terms and in my way. We'll have won the Cup by then so maybe that will lessen the blow to Sid. I'm probably being overly optimistic or avoiding the inevitable but I need that right now. I need to believe everything will be ok.

After the media is done and the guys begin to their cool down and showering, I head up to my office to close everything down and go home. I have a very special celebration planned tonight with Sidney; one that he's not likely to forget. I can't help but smile as I think of it but come up short when I see my father sitting at my desk in my office. The look on his face is unreadable. That's when I feel nausea deep inside of me. All that I can think is that he knows. Fuck, he knows about Sid.

"You really surprise me Sloan. I didn't think that was possible anymore but you've really surprised me this time. I'm not sure if you have a need for self-destruction, are incredibly desperate to defy me or are simply stupid; but, you've really surprised me this time little girl." He stays seated at my desk while he says this to me. I step further inside of the room but can't seem to say anything.

"You don't need to say anything Sloan; I know that you are still fucking Crosby. In fact, you're living with him now and have been living with him since I told you to stop. Sit down" he tells me so I sit in the visitors chair in front of my desk.

I want to yell and scream. I want to tell him that he doesn't know me, he doesn't own me and that any good father would be happy for me that I'm in love and happy. Instead, I'm living a nightmare and can only wonder what I can say to him to prevent him from telling Sid my secret. I quickly dismiss my wondering because I know that there is no way he'll let me tell Sid in my own time. Although, maybe …

"Can we put this aside until the playoffs are over?" I ask him in a whisper that I barely recognize as my own voice.

"Oh little girl, you are very naive aren't you. Of course we'll keep this away from Crosby until after the playoffs. We are going to win the Cup this year and nothing, nothing, is going to prevent that from happening. For you, this will not be put aside. I know you're a great actress, I've seen it for years, so you'll make sure that he doesn't know anything is wrong. You will figure out how to get yourself out of this mess at the end of the season. I will not be cleaning up yet another one of your messes. Then you'll figure out how you can get out of my life and by my life I mean anywhere I do business. That's it Sloan, I've had enough of your continual fuck ups. For as smart as you are and as much good as you can do, I no longer have the energy or the will to sweep up after you. I thought, hoped, you learned after the last time" he ends on a sigh and a shake of his head.

I don't know where it comes from or why now; but, I've finally had enough. "How dare you?" I say softly.

I watch his eyes snap back to mine. "How dare I what little girl?"

Taking a deep breath, I continue "how dare you treat me this way? I'm your daughter. You're supposed to love me, protect me, not threaten and use me. I'm only convenient for you when you have a business problem that I can solve or if you're bored and want to watch John and I go a few rounds. I know that the mess" I have to pause for a moment before I can go on. "I know that it was difficult for you to deal with the fall out of the mess at your company but I was the one who was left broken and battered! I was the one who was beaten so badly that I was in a coma! I was tortured for months and you didn't give a shit! How can a father treat his own daughter that way?" It feels like a huge weight lifts from my chest as I finally say the things that I've been wanting to say for years.

"Oh, you want to have this conversation, do you little girl? Fine" he says to me. "How about you taking advantage of my protégé? How about you using him to gain approval from me that you need desperately because you don't have enough pride in yourself that you embarrass yourself, and me, constantly by acting out. You knew that John was never going to take over the company; he doesn't have the brains even if he does have the ambition. You still had to sweep in and seduce my only protégé. You had to fuck with him, figuratively and literally, until he finally had to put you in your place. Don't shake your head at me little girl. I know what happened. Do you think I'm stupid or blind? Of course I knew what was happening all along. When you finally quit your job and started being a homemaker, I thought that he finally had the control over you that I could never manage. It was good for you; but, you just couldn't do it and took it too far didn't you? You defied him just one too many times, antagonized one too many times and he was forced to take you in hand a little too far. If you had just done the right thing, behaved yourself and married then I would have someone to take over the business that was in the family. You ruined it all."

I knew he hated me, a daughter knows when her own father feels contempt and hatred, but I never truly understood why until this moment. I never truly understood why he blamed me. As I look at my father, I see him for the monster he really is and I can't understand why I never really saw it before now; not the extent of it. It always has been about him, his legacy, his power and his need to control everything and everyone. Although she's no saint, I am feeling much more empathy for my mother right now. As my father stares at me, I don't know what to say to him or how to respond. What do you say to a father who has not only blamed you for being abused but tells you that you ruined all of his plans by being abused?

He stands and walks to the mini fridge to get a bottle of water. After drinking from it he turns to me and says "the pattern is very clear to me now Sloan. First, you turn against me during the divorce. When a father needs his children the most, you turned against me. Don't even try to give me that bullshit again about how you didn't take sides. You didn't take my side and that's going against me!" He pauses and collects himself for a moment before continuing. "Next, you needed to go against me again by fucking the heir to my legacy. Not only do you fuck him but you destroy him too. When that story got out there was no way to contain it. There was no amount of money that I could give to anyone to keep all of it out of the papers. His name and a police picture of you got out, from you I suspect, and there was no going back or redeeming his image. Now, and I can't believe we're here again, now you've done it again. Do you really think that a kid from bumfuck Nova Scotia will ever forgive you when he knows the truth?"

He can see that his last question was a direct hit and he goes in for the kill. "Crosby probably loves the story you've weaved for him. The big bad father and the abusive man you 'loved.' Crosby probably sees himself as your white knight rescuing you from all of the horrible men you've had in your life. What would your white knight think if he knew the truth? If he knew that you had an abortion, you killed my grandchild, which has left you sterile? What would the squeaky clean Sidney Crosby think if he knew you couldn't give him the children he desperately craves? What would he think if he knew it was because you were so cavalier about a life you were carrying that you aborted it which caused permanent damage?"

"What?!"

My father and I both turn to the door and see Sidney standing there. I can tell by the look on his face that he heard everything my father just said. As long as I live, I will never be able to erase from my mind the betrayed, heart wrenching look on Sidney's face.


	53. Chapter 53

We won the series! When we won the first round, I felt relieved that we got out of the first round this year and satisfied that we were going on to the second round. Winning the second series makes me truly feel that we're going to win the Cup. I was confident but reserved with the press, as usual, and kept the celebrating for the locker room. Even then, we were all trying to be reserved because we know that we're only half way to our goal. Tonight at home is going to be different. Tonight I'm going to celebrate with my girl and I don't have to be reserved. In fact, I don't have to be anything with Sloan but who I am. She knows and accepts me for who I am and I know and accept her for who she is; we're perfect for each other.

I can't help myself so I slip upstairs to her office. She always goes up there after the media is finished. Usually I head straight home but I know that she's still here and I want to surprise her. Maybe we can get a head start on our celebration. The offices are mostly dark and very quiet. Sloan's door is almost closed but I can see a sliver of light coming through and I can definitely hear her and Ron arguing. My only thought is to protect Sloan so I jog to the door. I don't give a shit if Ron knows about us or not. I won't let him treat Sloan this way anymore. When I push open the door, neither Sloan nor Ron has noticed me. Ron is yelling at Sloan.

"Crosby probably loves the story you've weaved for him. The big bad father and the abusive man you 'loved.' Crosby probably sees himself as your white knight rescuing you from all of the horrible men you've had in your life. What would your white knight think if he knew the truth? If he knew that you had an abortion, you killed my grandchild, which has left you sterile? What would the squeaky clean Sidney Crosby think if he knew you couldn't give him the children he desperately craves? What would he think if he knew it was because you were so cavalier about a life you were carrying that you aborted it which caused permanent damage?"

It takes a few minutes for Ron's words to seep into my brain. Did he really just say … when his words do get through, without thinking I say "What?!"

Both Sloan and Ron turn to me quickly and each looks startled. Somewhere in my brain, I notice that Ron's surprise turns to a smile and Sloan looks like she's going to be physically ill. I don't give a shit about either. I'm still processing that Sloan had an abortion, that it caused her to be unable to have children and, especially, that she has still been lying to me. After everything we've been through, after everything she's trusted me with and I've trusted her with, she still kept something this vital from me. Following closely after that thought is that the woman I love had an abortion. I can't even keep up with the thoughts swirling through my head. It would probably be comical to think of the three of us staring at each other right now if I didn't feel like my heart was being ripped in two. I can't take my eyes off of Sloan now.

"Sidney" she whispers but I stop her by putting my hand up.

Deep in my heart, I know it's true but I want so desperately to believe in her; to believe in us. "Tell me it isn't true." Sloan only stares at me not saying a word. I repeat "Tell me it isn't true." She still just stands there with tears running down her face. I can feel how angry I am; my hands are clenched, my face must be red and every muscle in my body is tight. Finally, I can't take it anymore and I yell "tell me it isn't fucking true!"

In a tiny voice, Sloan finally says "I can't."

That takes a moment to sink in but it's all I need to hear. This is not the woman I thought I knew; that I thought I loved. "I'm going home. I will have all of your things packed and shipped to you in LA. Don't call me, don't email me, and don't contact me ever again. Ron" I look at her father now. "Don't test me on this by saying that she needs to stay for her job. You don't want to experience the problems that I can cause for you." For a moment he looks like he's going to argue with me but then he simply nods.

"Sidney please" Sloan begs me but I can't even look at her now. I turn and leave her office. Thankfully, I don't see anyone on my way out and my parents have gone back to their hotel room. I don't even remember the drive home. I remember leaving Sloan's office and now I'm sitting at my kitchen table with a bottle of scotch and a glass. We don't begin our next series for probably a week and we have the day off tomorrow. I'm going to drink as much of this bottle as it takes to forget everything about Sloan and the past five months. All I've had and been able to depend on is hockey for the past twenty five years and that's all I need.

A few hours, and half a bottle later, I'm still sitting at the kitchen table and I hear a buzzing. Wait, must be my imagination. Nope, there it is again. Now it's gone. There it is again. Oh, it's the gate buzzer. I stand up the world shifts around so I end up staggering to the front door. "Who is it?" I sing into the speaker and then laugh at how funny I am.

"Sid, is Pascal. Let me in." It's Duper! I'm so excited to see Duper. "Sid, seriously, let me in." Oops, I forgot to push the button to let him in. I do now and then stagger to the door. I have to lean on it after opening to wait for him.

"Duper!" I shout when he starts up the stoop. I step forward and trip over the door jamb and fall into him. "Hi Duper. What are you doing here?"

Pascal catches me and helps me into the house. "You called me about an hour ago Sid. You were, and still are, drunk as hell and talking about lies and whores and murder. I thought maybe I should come over and see how you're doing."

Awe what a great friend he is to me. He was worried about me. Duper has never lied to me or done anything that could never be forgiven. "You're a good friend Duper. Such a good friend." He sits me down on a chair at the kitchen where I reach for the bottle of scotch again.

"Nope" Duper says as he takes the bottle from me. "You've had more than enough Sid." He takes the bottle with him but I still have the half full glass so I down the whole thing in one shot. Duper comes back to the table and gives me a bottle of water and aspirin.

"Take these" he tells me "and drink all of the water." He sits down across from me and waits until I follow his directions.

"Thanks for coming Duper."

He smiles and says "you're welcome. Now, do you want to tell me what is going on? You wake up my house at 3am babbling like an idiot."

I'm having trouble following his question. "What are you talking about Duper?"

"Sid, you called me, drunk, talking about lying whores and murderers. You want to tell me what's going on?"

Duper is hilarious and I'm laughing my face off now. Wait, murderers, whores. Oh shit. Now it's coming back to me. Sloan. As the fresh wave of pain washes over me, and wasn't the damn scotch supposed to stop that, I rest my head in my hands. "Dupe it's complicated." I tell him.

I raise my head and see that he's staring at me for a moment and finally says "what happened with Sloan? Tell me Sid. Let me help you."

Maybe it's the scotch, or maybe it's that Pascal is the one asking, but I talk openly about Sloan with my friend for the first time. "Duper, she's gone. She lied over and over to me. Ok, maybe she didn't lie all the time. She did tell me that she had stuff and she did tell me about it eventually but fuck me! An abortion! How could she have an abortion? I know I'm supposed to be all 'it's her body and her choice' but shit! Look what her choice got her: a dead child and she can't have any more. What the fuck!"

I look up at Pascal and he has a furrowed brow. He opens his mouth but I cut him off before he can utter a word. "Oh and this is the best, the absolute best; I didn't hear it from her! I heard it from her asshole father. Oh yeah, Ron is an asshole Duper. Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the um, the um, you know what I mean."

He shakes his head at me and I start seeing two of him. "Sid, what are you talking about?"

Isn't he listening? I've been clear as crystal. Or clear as crystal. Oh fuck it. "Duper, how can you not get it! Sloan is a fucking liar. She took my heart and stomped on it man. She lied about everything Dupe, everything." I reach for my glass and it's empty so I get up for the bottle and fall flat on my ass. Duper gets up and stands over me. "I fell Dupe" I tell him.

He starts laughing, I don't know why, and leans down to pull me up. "C'mon Sid, let's get you up to bed. You need to sleep this off bud. When you're sober, we can talk about it because you're making no sense now."

I try to pull away but I only trip. Duper grabs me before I can fall and hauls me up beside him. "Really kid, you need to sleep this off. Let's get you up to bed." I try to struggle against him but I'm too unstable and can't do anything but stay at his side.

When we get to the stairs, Duper is half carrying me and I can't help but laugh. I'm not quite sure what's so funny but I'm laughing like a loon. In the bedroom, Duper pushes me onto the bed face down. Fuck. All I can smell is her on the sheets. "I can't get away from her. I'm never going to get away from loving her. I'm never going to stop loving her Dupe." I roll onto my back and try to focus on Duper standing over me. I'm so drunk there that are three of him and he's all fuzzy. "Will I ever stop loving her?" I ask him. My last thought, before I pass out, is that my eyes aren't blurry; they're full of tears.

* * *

It's been a week and it doesn't seem real. It isn't just the last night; it's the whole five months that seem unreal. Did it happen? For a few minutes I can convince myself it was some horrible nightmare, or beautiful dream, and then I remember it all. I've been crying since I got home. Actually, I started crying in my office as soon as I saw Sidney standing there. He looked so hurt, so destroyed when I couldn't deny what my father said. I knew it would be ugly, I knew it would be hard but I had no way to know just how ugly, just how hard. Sidney was just so hurt, so fucking hurt, and I knew it was going to happen. Every time Sid mentioned having a family, I pushed aside the guilt. When we talked about a future or our life together, I pushed the guilt deeper and further away. Now I'm left with, well, nothing; I'm left with nothing except all of the boxes cluttering my living room of my stuff Sid had packed and shipped to me. He did it so fast that they almost beat me home. I thought I'd felt the most pain of my life when I woke up in the hospital beaten and battered. Then I thought I'd felt the most pain of my life when I had the abortion and killed my child. That was topped when I had the aneurysm and they told me that I couldn't ever have more children. But that was all eclipsed when I stood in my office and heard Sidney demand that I tell him it 'isn't true' and I told him that 'I can't.' That hurt worst of all.

Of course this starts me on another crying jag. I've given up keeping track of how much tissue I've been through. My phone rings again and I ignore it again. I can't talk to anyone. My friends have been calling and texting, which is really nice, but I can't see or talk to anyone. For the first few days, no one knew that I had come back to California. My friends here thought that I was still in Pittsburgh. I have no idea what they said about my sudden departure in Pittsburgh.

Even though I've shut out the world, I'm still watching the first game in the Pens / Bruins game today. I can't help myself. I have to watch it and see Sidney. I've been watching everything I can find on line about him. There's the Pens' site of course and all of the player interviews. There are also the sports channels, NHL channel and Pittsburgh stations. It's quite sad actually how desperate I am for any information on him or any glimpse of his face. Maybe I'm doing it to punish myself, looking at what I almost, but can never, have. He has been very serious, very stoic in his interviews, which most will say is because it's the playoffs. I know different of course. When he looks directly into the camera, I can see it in his eyes; the pain is plainly there if you know what to look for. What have I done to him? Why didn't I listen to my instincts? Why didn't I simply stay away from him? Oh God, what a mess! I can actually feel my heart breaking all over again. It's a slow and painful tearing that I know will never heal. The pre-game show has started. They're playing up the clash between the offensive power of the Pens and the defensive prowess of the Bruins. I'm hoping that Sid can stay away from Chara. That guy is huge and deadly and they'll definitely try to match him with Sid as much as possible.

They show the warm up as the commentators talk over the video. There's a lot of talk about Sid so I'm able to watch him skate as they talk about him. I'm still amazed at how graceful he is on the ice and then there's that huge burst of speed that comes out of nowhere. I've worked out with him so I know how hard he works off the ice to make his body do what he demands. Of course thinking about his body takes me on flashes of memories. The first time we kissed and I nearly mauled him in the alley. The second time we kissed and I nearly mauled him in my office. I chuckle and sniffle simultaneously at those memories. It was so cute and funny as Sid tried to keep up with me. I stunned him both times. The girls he's been with have not been very sexually assertive. In fact, you can count the number of women he's had relationships with on one hand and they were definitely all girls. Of course he would be better off with one of them. At least they wouldn't have the baggage I do; although, I was probably more naive than one of those girls. Did I really believe that there wouldn't be horrible consequences from my lies? How could I be so naïve? Or so in love? God, I'm starting to think that I should solely focus on work and keep men for sex. I'm not meant to be happy. Maybe that's it: I knew happiness wasn't going to last, it never does, so I grabbed some where and when I could. That sounds so selfish. Maybe I am and Sid is paying the price.

Now I'm even lying to myself. Work and sex will never be enough for me now. I watch the close up of Sidney on the screen. The commentators are talking about how he needs to lead in this series. What the hell do they think he's going to do if not lead? He's staring directly ahead and is focused but he looks odd to me. He looks off; not at all like himself. Did I do that to him? Everything in my life, all the pain I've gone through, doesn't even register for me compared to what I'm feeling now. Have I finally found the one thing that I can't possibly live with it?


	54. Chapter 54

_**Author's Note: I'm sorry for the less frequent posts recently. This summer has been very busy and work has been crazy too. I'm trying for a couple of chapters a week. **_

* * *

We didn't get a fucking goal. Not one single, fucking goal. Not only didn't I play well but I also got two penalties. The first one was a bad call and the ref knew it. The second one was out of frustration in the third. I could shake Chara, Rask stopped everything and we couldn't catch a fucking break. The Bruins are sneaky and constantly cross checking me. Of course when I respond back, I get called for the slash. It wouldn't be so bad if the refs called the game evenly but everything is going the Bruins' way right now. It's like they have horseshoes up their collective asses. I can't get through the media shit fast enough. Although I won't express them, two thoughts keep going through my head. First, we played a good, solid game and the Bruins not only beat us but kept us off the board altogether. Second, I'm off. My game is off, I'm having trouble focusing and I might as well not been on the ice. The only thing I did out there tonight was get two penalties. Fuck.

My parents asked if I wanted to go for dinner after the game but I didn't want to be around people, even my parents. Looking at them makes me feel worse about losing; both the game and Sloan. Since I told them that Sloan and I broke up, Dad has been unusually quiet and mom keeps looking at me with sad eyes. I know that they're concerned but I can't talk about it. They want to ask me what happened but they respect that we're in the playoffs and give me space. They've both been around hockey and me long enough to know that I need to focus on my game no matter what else is going on around or to me. The guys don't know what to say to me either. It's the elephant in the room but no one wants to bring it up. Only Pascal knows what really happened between me and Sloan. I barely remember the night when it all happened. I know Pascal poured me into bed and that I drank the better part of a bottle of scotch because the next day my head constantly threatened to explore. I puked up everything in my stomach and some of my stomach lining too. Pascal came back over the next day to talk to me. I wanted to talk to him, share with him since he was obviously concerned, but I couldn't do it. Every time I tried, I couldn't get it out and was afraid that I would start crying and embarrass us both. He forced me to join his family for dinner. It was a great idea. Kody, Pascal's son, is hilarious and kept me laughing the whole time. When we played mini sticks, he even got past me I was laughing so much. It helped me take my mind off everything for a while. Of course then I had to go home alone. The pain has been with me every day since it happened including tonight when we got spanked by the Bruins.

Walking in my front door, the weight of what happened hits me. I'm alone, the house is empty and silent. I dreamed of a house full of children and Sloan waiting with them after a game. I'd come home and go upstairs. First, I'd check on each of the kids and kiss them goodnight. After I've tucked them all in, I'd go to our bedroom and find Sloan in our bed watching highlights or reading something on her iPad. I feel my chest tighten now when I walk into my bedroom and see the empty bed.

I quickly take off my clothes and climb into bed. We'll have practice tomorrow and then meetings. There's going to be a lot of video to watch I'm sure. I don't need to watch the video to know what I did or didn't do. Fuck. I don't have any answers for the next game and that's not what you want in a captain. I need to lead by example and I'm definitely not doing that right now. I did nothing right and the team followed me. Fuck. I know that Mario is disappointed in us, in me. He expects more from us and he should. With our talent, there is no reason that we should shut out in a game against anyone. I keep replaying the game over and over in my head looking for a way to be better in the next game but I come up empty. For the first time in years, I have to use relaxation techniques to get to sleep. It takes a while but I finally do.

The next morning, the alarm goes off and I feel like shit. My body is reminding me of every hit I took last night. I rub my hand over my chest as I feel my heart ache too. Will this pain ever go away?

"Sidney?!" I hear my mother call me from downstairs. "I have breakfast ready. Come downstairs."

I'm not surprised to hear my mom call me; partly because the call is so familiar from my youth and partly because I knew she would try and 'take care' of me at some point.

"Ok mom. Be down soon" I call back. Quickly, I dress and then head downstairs. Mom and dad are in my kitchen and mom is plating omelets for all of us.

"Good morning Sid, sit down and eat breakfast with us" dad tells me.

I join him at the kitchen table and we dig into our omelets. "Delicious mom, thanks."

Mom pats my arm as she sits beside me. We're all silent for a few minutes and busy eating. Finally, it's my dad who breaks the silence. "Sid, do you need to talk about it?"

I look up stunned that it's my dad who asks. Usually mom is the one who pries and needles her way in when either Tay or I are upset. "I really don't know that I can right now dad. I don't if it's too fresh or if it hurts too much but I just can't." Neither of them says any more about it; we finish eating and I head off for practice. No, it wouldn't help to talk about it. What would that solve?

* * *

I wake up to banging. It takes me a few moments to fully wake up and realize that it's someone banging on the front door. I get up from the sofa where I was napping and wrap the blanket around me before heading to the door. It seems like the only way to stop the noise to go to the door and tell the person banging on it to stop. I look through the peep hole and it's Jeffery. Damn it. Looks like my business partner and best friend knows me too well and has come to take care of me.

I open the door and say "hello Jeffrey."

He breezes in and kisses both of my cheeks. "Darling, you haven't returned any of my calls or messages. It's been almost two weeks since you got back and I refuse to let you wallow any longer." He walks down the hall and into my living room leaving me to shut the door

I follow Jeffrey to the living room and sit back onto the sofa. Jeffrey goes to the wall and pulls back the blinds then opens the door.

"Let's get some ocean air and sunlight into this room. It feels like a mausoleum in here. Darling, you really can't stay here and be a hermit for the rest of your life. It's time to get back to the living Sloan."

"I don't know that I can Jeffery" I whisper back. I'm suddenly so very tired from just walking to the door. He sits in a chair facing me.

"Sloan, this isn't healthy. I've let you be for almost two weeks and that's it. I'm really worried about you darling. I saw you in the hospital after that scum beat you nearly to death. I took you to the clinic for the" he pauses before continuing "for the procedure. I was at your side after the surgery when they told you that you'd never have more children. You hurt, unbelievably hurt, but you were never like this Sloan. You let me take care of you then. We cried together and got drunk together. This hibernating and ignoring me isn't like you and it isn't healthy."

I know he's right but I can't seem to care. "Jeffery, I had it all. I wasn't looking for it and, shit, I didn't even want it; but, I found him, fell in love and saw a happy future for the first time in a very long while. Then it was gone. Oh God, I hurt him so badly. It destroyed him Jeffery, destroyed him. Then everything that was finally within reach, happiness and love, was gone. This is the last hit I can take; seriously, you know that I don't wallow but how much more pain can I possibly take?" I break down again and Jeffery comes beside me then pulls me into his arms. I don't know how long we sit there or how long I cry. It feels like forever and yet like no time has passed at all.

When I do finally empty myself again, Jeffery hands me his hanky to dry up. I lean back against the sofa with him and we both stare out at the ocean.

"Tell me how to help you this time Sloan. I'm really, truly scared for you" Jeffery says.

I sigh and reply "to be honest, I am too. Unfortunately, there is nothing to do. It's going to get better or it's not."

"Well, I'm coming over here every day until you leave with me Sloan. You aren't in this alone."

I lean to him and kiss his cheek. "You're a good friend. Now, it's almost 3pm and you need to help one of our clients get ready for her premier. I'll be fine, really, go." I give him the best smile that I can muster up.

After a hug, he gets up and says "I'll be back tomorrow Sloan and every day after until you break out of this state. I love you."

After Jeffery leaves, I put the TV on in time for the puck to drop. It's game four and if they don't beat the Bruins today than they will be swept out of the playoffs. I have to force myself to watch. It's like a white hot poker is driven into my heart every time I see Sidney on the screen. The commentators keep talking about Sid and how he doesn't look like himself or is playing like himself. They speculate about what's going on with him and why he doesn't have any goals in the series. They're right of course. You can see it in his play; Sid isn't himself at all. He's getting into scrums and even argues with Chara. I gasp when Chara punches Sid in the jaw and again when they're nose to nose arguing.

In the end, they lose the game and the series. During the handshake line, Sid is stoic but I can clearly see the devastation on his face and in his eyes. Of course I watch every last moment of the telecast. I deserve all of the pain I feel. Sid deserves so much better than I gave him.

I turn off the TV and head to the bedroom. I only have enough energy to brush my teeth then reach for my bottle of Percocet and take a couple. I'm tired of being tired. Maybe with these I'll finally sleep tonight. I climb into bed and stare at the ceiling to wait for the drugs to take effect. Finally they do and I fall asleep.

The pain is incredible. I feel everywhere his fists have marked my skin. I've curled up in a ball on the floor so he changes to kicking me. When I look up to plead for him to stop, he's not there, it's my father instead.

"You know you deserve this little girl" my father says and kicks me.

"Daddy?" I cry feeling the pain in my abdomen.

He kicks me two more times and says again "you know that you deserve this little girl."

The last kicks have me curling into myself again. When another kick doesn't come, I look up again to find my gather gone and Sidney standing over me.

Sid crouches down beside me and says "I tried to save you from all of this Sloan. I only wanted to take care of you, love you, but you lied to me over and over again. Maybe I could have forgiven that; but, you know that I want a big family. I could never be with someone so damaged, so fucked up, that she couldn't give me kids."

His words hurt me more than the kicks and fists I felt earlier. I plead to him "Sid, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. Please let me make it up to you. I love you."

I watch Sid stand up again. "You don't know what love is Sloan. You deserve everything you're going to get."

Sid walks away and I'm left confused. What does he mean that I deserve everything I'm going to get? I don't have to wonder much longer as the fists of him and the kicks of my father descend on me.

I wake from the nightmare with a scream and sit straight up in bed. My heart is racing and I'm covered in sweat. I make my way to the bathroom and splash water on my face. The face staring back at me in the mirror is stark white. I almost expect to find bruises the nightmare felt so real.

I've had enough of this pain and I'm so tired. I grab the Percocet bottle. Did I take some before I went to bed? I can't remember if I did or not. I pour a few pills out into my hand and then a couple more. I can't take it anymore. After downing the pills with some water, I stumble back to bed with a silent prayer that I don't dream this time. I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I can hear the ocean in the background and it turns to a buzzing. It doesn't take long for my eyes to get heavy and my brain to get fuzzy too. I try to focus but I just can't. I can't open my eyes and there's a heavy feeling in my chest too. Before I can do any more assessing, I pass out.


	55. Chapter 55

I wake up slowly. At first, I can't open my eyes. They feel so heavy and my head hurts so much. I fight it and fight it until I can finally open my eyes. My vision is blurry and the room seems to be spinning. I hear buzzing around me and a very bright light shining in my eyes.

"Sloan, come on Sloan, wake up."

I can't figure out who is talking to me and I keep trying to focus my eyes to see but I can't.

"Sloan, fight through it and wake all the way up now."

I do as the voice says and manage to focus my eyes. It takes a few more minutes to adjust to the light. When I do, I see a man in a white lab coat periodically shining a pen light into my eyes.

"That's it Sloan. Open all the way up."

He stops shining the damn light into my eyes and I can see now. The doctor, I assume, is standing beside me and I'm lying on a bed. I feel someone grab my left hand and see that it's Jeffery. He kisses my hand.

"Oh darling, you scared the shit out of me. If I hadn't decided to come by and see you for breakfast, I don't know what would have happened to you. Why did you do it?" he asks me.

It takes me a minute to process but when I do, I'm still confused so I ask "do what?" My voice is very raspy.

"Try to kill yourself" he answers.

Oh my God, is that what they think? I try and go back over the past night in my mind but it's really fuzzy. I remember being kicked and Sidney telling me that I don't know what love is; but, wait, that was the nightmare. What really happened? I have no idea but I don't remember trying to kill myself.

"Jeffery, I didn't try to kill myself. What makes you think that?" I ask. Finally I can focus well and see how tired and scared he looks. He really does think that I tried to kill myself.

"Darling, you took an overdose of Percocet. I found you, unconscious, in your bed. I tried to wake you but couldn't so I called an ambulance."

Now it comes back to me. "Jeffery, you're right, I did take too many; but, it was an accident. I took a couple before I went to bed. At some point during the night, I had a nightmare and got up to splash some water on my face. I was so out of it from the nightmare, and probably the couple of pills I took earlier, that couldn't remember if I did take any before bed. That's when I took a few more."

"That would do it Ms. Burkle" the doctor says to me. I forgot he was even there. "There were enough pills in your system to cause a coma-like-state but definitely not to kill you. When the police found the pill bottle half filled, we assumed it was accidental and I'm glad to see that we were right. You do need to be more careful with that medication. Not only is it extremely addictive but it can be dangerous if not taken as prescribed. I'll get the nurse to take your vitals in a few minutes and then I'll back in later to check on you."

After the doctor leaves the room, I turn to Jeffery again. "I'm so sorry to put you through this sweetie. God, you must have been frantic all day waiting for me to wake up."

Jeffery shakes his head and says "Sloan, you've been out for three days. They think you had an allergic reaction or something to the drugs too. For some people, Percocet can do horrible things to you."

I've been out for three days! "Wow, ok. Three days?" I ask him.

"Yeah, three days" I hear only this time it isn't from Jeffrey. I look to the doorway and Sid is standing there with a bottle of water in his hands. I look to Jeffrey and instantly know that he called Sid. Great. Jeffrey told Sid that I tried to commit suicide and Sid came here out of pity. Just great!

I look back at Sid again and say "hi."

Jeffery lets go of my hand and says "I'll leave you two alone" then he heads out the door as Sid moves into the room. Sid sits in the chair beside the bed and looks down at the bottle of water in his hands. Neither of us seems to know what to say.

"When did you get in?" I ask Sid. Its lame, I know, but I'm scared to ask him my real questions.

"Jeffrey called Pat. I guess he knew that Pat is my agent and then Pat called me." Sid doesn't look at me when he's talking. He keeps his eyes on his water bottle.

"I'm sorry they dragged you all the way out here Sid. It was an accident, really. I'll have to be more careful" I tell him.

Sidney looks up at me finally and says "yeah, I guess so."

That's when I notice them. "You have teeth" I say without thinking.

Sid smiles at me. "Yeah, I got them done. They still hurt like a bitch, I was in the chair for a while, but they're back. I'll need some additional work but they want me to heal fully and then I'll get it done before camp."

We're smiling at each other now and both seem to realize at the same time what we're doing. Both of our smiles immediately fade. We're now back to awkward silence. I want to ask him why he came. What does this mean? Did he only come because he thought I'd tried to kill myself? Is it guilt?

Instead I ask "are you going home to Nova Scotia?"

"Not yet" he replies. "I think I'm going to go down south for a week or two."

I forgot that he likes to take a vacation after the season is over. Again we are silent. It's like we're strangers. We don't know what to say to each other or maybe we're scared of what the other might answer if we ask real questions. The silence stretches on and on. A nurse comes in and wants to check all of my vitals. It takes a few minutes and Sid stays seated, looking at his bottle again.

"Do you know when I can go home?" I ask the nurse.

"I'll have to check with the doctors for you" she answers. Doctors? As in more than one.

"Why do you say 'doctors?' Is there more than one that has to decide?" I ask.

She looks at Sid and then back at me so I say "go ahead." I know she's wondering if she should continue talking in front of Sid. At this point, what does it really matter? He knows everything else about me and has already kicked me out of his life.

"Well, the internist will need to say that you are physically stable. There is also the psychiatrist who will need to sign off" she tells me.

Oh, I guess they do this with patients who overdose. I simply nod at her then she leaves. I can't look at Sid. Everything is suddenly too much to take again. There's heaviness in my chest and it's hard to breathe. I can feel myself break out in a cold sweat and try to force myself to relax. I startle when I feel Sid's hand on mine.

"Take deep breaths Sloan. Feel it from your diaphragm up through your lungs and out. Now breathe in deep and feel it go through you again" he tells me.

When I feel calmer, I open my eyes and say "thank you."

Our eyes lock and my fingers curl into his. This is the first time I've felt 'right' in two weeks. Just our fingers intertwined are all I need to centre me. With his other hand, Sid brushes my hair away from my forehead.

"Sloan" Sid whispers and I watch his eyes soften.

It erases all the hard days and harsh words between us. He leans in and his lips graze my forehead. When he pulls back, he doesn't go far and our lips are only inches apart. He leans in again and …

"Ms. Burkle, I understand that you are wondering when you can leave us" the doctor says as he interrupts us.

Sid pulls away from me like I've scalded him. The now familiar heaviness comes back over me and the precious moment has past. Sid moves to the window with his back toward me. I'm left wondering what was going to happen and what it means.

"Ms. Burkle?" the doctor repeats so I look at him.

"Yes doctor. I was asking the nurse when I would be able to leave." The doctor looks at Sid and then back at me. "It's fine doctor. He's um" how I describe Sidney? "He's a friend. You can speak freely in front of him."

The doctor nods and says "well Ms. Burkle. Dr. Carlton has cleared you medically. All of the tests show that you didn't do any damage to your vital organs. We worry about the liver the most in these situations and all of the enzymes and function are normal."

He pauses now. If Carlton is the internist than this guy must be the shrink that I need to convince it was an accident. I stare at him and wait for the inevitable questions. Maybe I should have asked Sid to leave the room.

"Ms. Burkle, I don't see any reason to keep you here either. It's clear that it was an accident or else you would have taken the whole bottle. I am going to leave you a prescription for a mild sedative. Percocet is not a good drug to be taking for sleeping. In fact, it is highly addictive and I would encourage you not to take it at all." He writes in the chart and then looks at me.

"Ok, thank you doctor. Does that mean that I can go home today?" I ask him, hopefully.

"I understand that you live alone Ms. Burkle. You've had a very difficult few days and Dr. Carlton is willing to release you if you will have someone with you tonight." Now the doctor glances between me and Sidney. Great, that's all I need; Sid staying with me out of pity or guilt. Of course, he did come all the way across the country to make sure I'm ok and that moment we shared felt real.

When Sid doesn't say anything, I tell the doctor "my friend Jeffery will stay with me."

"I'll be there doctor" Sid tells him.

"Good, then I'll leave the prescription with the nurse along with the orders to release you. Take care of yourself Ms. Burkle."

I'm not sure I really comprehend what the doctor is saying because I'm staring at Sid. He's going to stay with me, really? Now I'm very confused. Sid knows that he doesn't have to stay with me. Jeffery clearly is able and my best friend. I'm left wondering, again, what does this mean?

Before I can ask Sid, Jeffery comes in the door saying "I hear that you are getting sprung darling. Let's get you out of here. That hospital green doesn't look good on anyone. We'll get you home and into your own clothes and own bed. I'll call a car for us."

"Jeffery, I have a rental car. I can take her home" Sid tells him.

Jeffery looks to me with a question in his eyes. I give him a nod then a smile.

"Ok then. Looks like you're getting out of here right now. If I'm not needed here, we have some very high maintenance clients who could use some attention. I'm going to head to the office."

Jeffery gives me a kiss on each cheek and lingers to whisper "I hope this works out darling."

Jeffery shakes Sid's hand and leaves the room. I don't get a chance to talk to Sidney because the nurse comes in and starts unhooking the monitors and tubes. She helps me sit up.

"Ms. Burkle, I have some directions for your care that you need to follow closely. I don't know why the doctors are sending you home so quickly, usually we keep overdose patients for at least one more day after the wake up. You must have some pull over them. I have some clothes for you to wear home. I'll be back in a moment."

Oh God, the 'must have some pull over them' comment isn't lost on me. I look at Sid and it wasn't lost on him either. Surely my father wouldn't know I'm here and he certainly wouldn't do anything to help me after the torture he put me through?

The nurse comes back in and gives me some blue scrubs to change into. I head into the washroom to change. When I look into the mirror, I almost don't recognize myself: there are very dark circles under my eyes; my hair is a stringy mess; and, I'm deathly pale. I take a moment to splash some cold water on my face first then I change into the scrubs. When I look at the gown I was just wearing, I see a few smears of dark gray across the front. They must have pumped my stomach and that's charcoal. I've worked with celebrities long enough to know this process. Leaving the gown in the bathroom, I return to my bed and find an orderly and a wheelchair. After telling me that it's procedure and Sid went to get the car, the orderly helps me into it and we are wheeled to the elevator and taken downstairs. When he veers away from the corridor to the main lobby, I look at him over my shoulder.

"Where are we going?" I ask him.

"There is some press outside Ms. Burkle so your friend asked me to take you to a back entrance where he will have the car" he tells me.

It's just like Sid to think of this and I must really be out of it if I didn't. Of course they may not even be here to catch me. Ha, not if my luck holds true. We pull up to the curb the same time as Sidney does and the orderly helps me into the passenger side and we say goodbye. Sid makes sure that I'm buckled up before he pulls away.

"I have a GPS if you'll give me your address" he says.

I tell him my address, he enters it into the GPS and then pulls out to follow the directions. I only live ten minutes from the hospital but it takes twenty because of LA traffic. After Sid parks in my driveway, I remember what a mess my house is right now. I left all of the tissues I used all over the living room, there are clothes everywhere in my bedroom and there are probably some science experiments growing in my kitchen. Oh, I also don't have a key.

Sid must be reading my mind because he says "I have one" then he unlocks and opens the door.

I walk down the hall and into the living room. It is pristine; the way I usually keep it. The drapes are open so that the sunshine is coming in and the ocean in view. There are no tissues anywhere and even the pillows are exactly where I like them. Jeffery must have had my cleaning lady in while I was in the hospital. He is so thoughtful. I go into the kitchen and get myself a glass of water. I'm so thirsty. After downing one and then filling it up again, I turn to Sid.

"Can I get you something?" I ask.

"No, I'm fine. Why don't you go and have a shower, change, whatever you need to do and I'll see if there's anything I can put together to eat" he tells me.

I can't help the laugh that escapes me. Sid tilts his head in question.

"Sid, you know that you can't cook. I'm also not sure that there is anything in here" I say as I open the fridge.

I'm surprised again when I see it full of fresh food including a couple of prepared meals. I see the fairies have been here too.

"I guess I'm wrong. There is some stuff in here to reheat." I tell Sid.

Turning around, I bump directly into him not realizing that he had come up behind me. He grabs my waist to steady me and my hands go to his chest. I feel his heart beat strongly then faster under my hands and feel mine beat faster too. I look directly into Sid's eyes, confused again.

He pulls back suddenly and says "why don't you go have your shower. I can handle reheating."

I nod and quickly move around him down the hall to my bedroom. This room is perfect and tidy too. I keep walking until I reach the bathroom, strip and get into the shower. After my shower, I throw on some yoga pants and a tee shirt. I feel so much better now that I'm clean. That hospital smell stays with you and is gross. I do feel extremely tired though. I could crawl into bed and sleep for a year; but, I head out to the kitchen where Sid has two plates ready with salad and chicken.

"I hope this is ok" he says to me.

"It looks great Sid. Thank you, for everything I mean; thank you" I tell him and sit with him at the breakfast bar.

We eat in silence for a few minutes. Sid must either be as hungry as I am or trying to avoid conversation like I am too. Finally, I can't stand the silence and not knowing anymore. I turn to Sid and wait until he looks at me.

"Sid" I begin. "Why are you here?" I ask and then wait, frightened, for the answer.


	56. Chapter 56

When I got the call from Pat, I was the most scared that I've ever been in my life. All that Pat knew was that Sloan was in the hospital and she may not live. It took me a whole second to ask Pat to arrange a flight for me to LA immediately. There were no direct flights. I'd have to go to New York and connect so I chartered a plane. All of the lies and betrayal disappeared and it was imperative that get to Sloan's side. I was panicked to think that my last words to her would be to kick her out of my life. I don't think beyond that, even though nothing has really changed, and only focus on getting to her side as quickly as humanly possible.

I met Jeffery for the first time at the hospital. He is an incredibly good friend to Sloan and she's even called him her real family. Sloan and I had talked about visiting LA when the season was over so that I could meet him. This was not the way I wanted to do it.

All I wanted to do was get to Sloan but Jeffrey wanted to meet me in the lobby to talk first. We sat on a bench and he told me what happened. He said how worried he was about her and how he went to her house with breakfast. Jeffery has a key and let himself in. When she didn't answer, he went looking through the house assuming that she was asleep and that's when he found her in the bedroom. He tried to wake her up but couldn't. He said that her body was cold and her lips and fingertips were blue. Later, the doctors told him the blue skin was because she didn't have enough oxygen. They pumped her stomach when she arrived at the hospital but it already been a while and the pills were mostly digested. The lack of oxygen is what worried them. It could have affected her brain. The pills could have affected her liver. The coma-like state was the body's way of healing itself. They didn't know how long she would be in it. The true shocker was when Jeffrey told me that they think she tried to commit suicide. At first, I couldn't believe that; the vibrant woman I knew would never have taken her life. Then I remembered when Ian attacked her and she sat on my shower floor rocking and muttering to herself. Why do I forget how much she's been through?

The next shock was when I walked into her room. Sloan was almost as pale as the white sheets on the bed. Only the dark circles under her eyes added any colour. She was hooked up to monitors and tubes. It was heartbreaking to see what had happened to her; or, maybe, what she did to herself. I immediately felt guilt for having contributed to this, well, this situation.

The next twenty-four hours were hell. Jeffery and I sat by her bedside waiting. Doctors and nurses came in and out. Occasionally, they would try to make us leave but we wouldn't. We only left to take turns buying coffee and food. I sent a message to my parents who expected me to arrive in Nova Scotia the next day. I didn't give them all of the details of course; but, I did tell them that Sloan was sick and I was going to see how she was doing. I never told them what really happened between Sloan and I. They loved her, still love her, so much that I couldn't tell them about it. I know how it felt to be so incredibly disillusioned by someone I loved and I didn't want my parents to go through what I did. Mom and dad are very Catholic and this would kill them. It would kill them to know that she had an abortion. Mom would never, ever think of Sloan the same way again.

I don't know why I agreed to take Sloan home and care for her. It came out of my mouth before I thought about it. I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit that I regretted it a second afterward. Why didn't I let Jeffery take her home and take care of her? Now, here I am, sitting alone with Sloan at her kitchen table. She's looking at me waiting for a response to her question and I really don't know what to say to her.

"Sid, why are you here?" She asks me again.

I chew the food in my mouth slowly to buy some time to figure out what to say as well as being careful of my new teeth. I look at her and I see fear in her eyes. What am I going to say?

"You needed someone Sloan, so I'm here" is what I decide to say. That's the truth at least.

"Ok" she says and continues eating.

I can tell that she's disappointed. Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe it's not fair to her when nothing has really changed. Maybe I'm just going crazy. I look back at her and she stifles a yawn. She does look exhausted and I know that I'm tired too. I don't think I've slept in the last couple of days for more than an hour or two. I have to stifle a yawn of my own.

"You must be exhausted Sid. I'm sorry you had to come all this way" she tells me.

Now I feel guilty again so I say "it's ok Sloan. I'm just glad that you are on the mend."

We finish eating in uncomfortable silence and then I take the dishes to the sink. There's nothing else to clean up since I didn't have to cook anything.

"Let me show you the guest room" Sloan says to me.

I nod and follow her out of the kitchen. We continue down the hall after picking up my bag from the front door. Sloan takes me past a room that looks like hers then onto a room at the end of the hall. I enter and put my bag on the bed. When I turn to Sloan, she is standing at the door entrance looking uncomfortable.

"There's a bathroom across the hall with fresh towels for you." Sloan points across the hall as she says this to me.

I wonder again how we got here. Just a month ago, I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with this woman. How did we get here?

"Thanks Sloan. I'll be ok. You need some sleep and I do too."

"Ok, goodnight Sid."

I offer her a smile and say "goodnight Sloan."

She looks like she might say something more but must decide against it because she gives me a small smile then turns into the hallway. I take a deep breath and then grab my shaving kit before heading to the bathroom. After taking a shower and brushing my teeth, I feel almost human and head back into the guest bedroom. I wonder how long it would take me to fall asleep but I don't wonder long. I drift off as soon as my eyes close.

At the sound of the scream, I shoot straight up in bed immediately awake. Years of traveling has made me accustomed to waking up in unfamiliar rooms. It only takes a few seconds for me to remember what has happened the last couple of days and that I'm in Sloan's guest room. I listen for noises and hear nothing; I must have been dreaming the scream although it's weird that I woke out of a dead sleep. Settling back against the pillow, I hear the faint sound of crying from the next room. Now I have a decision to make. Do I go to her or leave it, and her, alone? Nothing has changed between us so I know that I'm not staying. What's the point in soothing or comforting when I know it will hurt us both even more when I leave? Again I reconsider my decision to even come here. Fuck, of course I'm going to her. It's breaking my heart to hear her crying so I get out of bed and pad down the hall. Her door is closed so I softly knock. I knock harder when I don't hear anything. Again, there is only the sound of Sloan crying.

Again, I weigh what I should do. It doesn't take me long and I enter her room. When my eyes glance over the room, I see the California king quickly and Sloan is a very small ball on her usual side of the bed. I vaguely think that I sleep on 'my side' too. They crying is mixed with whimpering too. I go to the side of the bed and sit beside her. In the soft light coming from around the blinds, I can see tears rolling down Sloan's cheeks but her eyes are closed. My mind registers how heartbreakingly beautiful and sad she looks.

"Sloan" I whisper.

She doesn't seem to even register that I'm there. I brush my fingers across her cheek lightly. Her eyes fly open and she pulls back like I've burned her. She backs all the way against the head board with terror in her eyes.

"Sloan, baby, it's Sid" I say softly.

I can see that she's trying to focus and then finally the moment she realizes that it's me.

"Sid?" she whispers.

I know that I should simply make sure that she's ok and then leave. I know that nothing has changed, nothing has been fixed, and I should leave not only her room but LA. As I watch her now, I also know that there is no way that I can leave her like this with tears still on her cheeks and a scared look in her eyes. I guess I made my decision before I even came in the room. I walk around to 'my side' of the bed and pull back the covers before sliding in.

"Come here" I tell her as I open my arms for her.

Sloan stares at me, down at my arms and then back up to my eyes. I nod and she sniffles then crawls under the covers herself and curves into my side. When her hand rests on my chest, I'm acutely aware that I'm only wearing my shorts. Her hand slides over the bare skin of my chest and her leg slides over mine. My dick reacts to her touch like I haven't had sex in weeks; which I haven't. I tell my dick to calm down and hope it does. Sloan sighs as she settles against me and I can tell that she falls asleep quickly. It's going to be a very long and sleepless night for me.

It takes a long time but I finally fall asleep. When I wake up again, I'm disoriented but quickly know where I am. Sunlight is coming through the window and I'm alone in bed. The clock beside the bed says that it's 9am. I stretch and try to decide what I'm going to say to Sloan this morning. It felt so right to sleep with Sloan in my arms. It was the most natural thing in the world. What the fuck am I doing? I am truly and rightly screwed. How am I going to get out of this mess? What am I going to do?

I am startled when I hear a door open. It's Sloan coming in from the en suite bathroom. She stops in her tracks when she sees that I'm awake. I'm very aware that I'm only in my shorts and she's wearing only a tank top and panties. I still don't know what to say.

"Hi" she says.

"Hi" I reply.

She stays at the door and I don't move from the bed. Now what are we going to do? The awkward silence goes on until it becomes really awkward.

"Um"

"Um"

We both say at the same time. It breaks the ice at least. Sloan goes to her closet and pulls on a robe.

"I'll get us some breakfast" she tells me.

"Ok" I reply and she leaves the room.

I try again to tell my dick again that this isn't the time. What the fuck am I doing? I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing? I guess I can start with breakfast so I head to my room to get some clothes. After dressing, I leave my bedroom and head out to the kitchen but Sloan isn't there.

"I'm out here" I hear her call out to me.

Following her voice, I go through the living room and out the double doors to her patio. I didn't get to see this last night and I have to stop at the sight. The ocean is laid out in front of me, it's gorgeous and the sound is powerful.

"It's what sold me on the house" Sloan says.

I look over at her and she's cuddled on a patio sofa with a coffee.

"I can see why; it's gorgeous. It's so different from the lake but no less beautiful. I always forget how loud the ocean is and powerful too." I tell her.

I sit in a chair at the table and look over the spread. She's brought out fruit, cottage cheese and a few other things. I grab the coffee first. It's strong, the way we both like it. I've missed the way she makes coffee; fuck, I've just missed her. What the fuck am I doing?

"I don't know how to thank you Sid. I can't even count the things that I should thank you for; coming to LA, staying with me, comforting me during the night. This couldn't be easy for you. I really just don't know what to say." She pauses and looks down at her coffee now.

What the fuck am I going to do now? What do I say to her? This is beyond complicated. Fuck.

"You don't need to thank me Sloan. Of course I came. Jeffrey didn't know if you were going to live. Of course I came Sloan." I had to be honest. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her being in the hospital and Jeffrey thinking that she was dying.

"Well, I guess Jeffrey can be melodramatic." She says to me and chuckles.

This pisses me off so I say "Sloan, do you realize how close you came to dying? You took too much of a very powerful drug. You almost died!"

All of the frustration and fear that I've been feeling for the past couple of days, shit the past couple of weeks, comes out of me. This is so unfair. I'm the one who was lied to over and over. Why do I feel guilty? It isn't fair for me to have to come out here and take care of her. This isn't fair. I definitely hadn't gotten over her and this doesn't make it any easier.

"Sid, I wasn't trying to, I mean I wasn't, God" she fumbles and throws her head back against sofa.

I wait until she looks at me again to say "I'm sorry Sloan. It's been a very long couple of days."

"I know Sid and I am sorry that you came all the way out here for my stupidity. I'm sure the last thing that you wanted to do was see me right now; or ever. I don't know what to say except that I really am so sorry."

I know that she's not just apologizing for the past few days. My problem is that I can't forgive her. I can't get past this and I don't think I ever will. When I used to look at her, I would instantly have a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. Now, I can only see pain and regret. My heart is warm but it's because it's bleeding. I know that she is waiting for me to respond.

"Sloan" I begin but I don't know how to continue. I take a deep breath and then say "let's put it all in the past."

I see hope light in her eyes and a smile come to her face. Fuck, she thinks that I mean putting our break-up behind us.

"Sloan, I don't mean that we should get back together. I mean that there is no need to apologize. Let's just move past it."

I see her face fall and feel some of that guilt again. Why am I feeling guilty? We wouldn't even be in this situation if she hadn't ... fuck.

"Ok" she says softly.

Now we have more awkward silence. I feel the need to explain.

"I didn't say that to be mean, Sloan, really. I'm sorry if it was too direct or cruel."

We sound like strangers now. This was a really bad idea and I don't know how to get out of it.

"It's ok Sid. You're just being honest" she tells me. "I'm going to get my phone so that I can call Jeffrey. I'm sure he's wondering how I am."

She quickly leaves the patio and I'm left feeling, fuck, I don't know what I'm feeling now. I think I'm going to call Jeffrey and let him take care of her now. I need to get home to the peace of my lake.


	57. Chapter 57

I was stunned that Sid stayed with me all night and slept, not only in the same bed, but with me in his arms. It was an incredible feeling to wake up with Sid's arms around me and feeling his warm body everywhere it was touching mine. Of course I was more stunned when, later, he said that nothing had changed. In fact, he only came here because Jeffrey told him that I might die. I'm not naïve enough to believe that everything was fixed overnight; but, I did think that we were on our way back. Now, only a few hours later, I'm sitting on my patio watching Jeffrey bring me a cup of tea and our dinner.

"Ok my darling, grilled chicken with wild rice and mixed grilled vegetables. Only the best that I can buy for my best girl" Jeffrey says as he makes his way to the table.

"I'm your only girl Jeffrey. You have that beautiful man waiting for you at home. Actually, you should really be there with him you know. I'll be fine, truly" I try to convince him.

He stares at me like I'm under a microscope. I meet his gaze head on and wait him out.

"Ok, physically you seem to be fine" he begins. "But, I know your heart must be breaking all over again. He just left today and nothing has changed. The bastard should never have come here at all if was just going to leave you again."

"You called him Jeffrey. How did you think that this would end?" I ask him.

He sits down beside me and stares at the ocean. I start eating because I know that Jeffrey needs to think this through. He's what I call a 'noodler;' he likes to take his time while thinking. He rubs his hand over his face and sits back.

"Ok, you're right Sloan. I guess I wasn't thinking. You were unconscious and they weren't sure if you'd come out of it. I wasn't going to call your useless excuse for a family. I'm sorry if I did the wrong thing darling."

Now I feel bad for Jeffrey. He's been through so much too. Jeffrey and I are family. We found each other despite all obstacles and became each other's family.

"Jeffrey, I'm sorry. This has been horrible for you and I didn't mean to sound annoyed. You did what you thought was right because you love me. How could that ever be the wrong thing to do?" I tell him.

He gives my hand a squeeze and then focuses attention to his food. We eat for a few moments then comes the question I've been expecting.

"How did you leave things Sloan?"

"Sid told me, straight out, that he only came because I was ill and might be dying. It hasn't even been a month since we broke up. There has to be some residual feelings I guess; but, nothing that's happened changes anything. I thought maybe he would want to talk about what he heard my father say or what happened; but, he didn't ask a single question or bring it up at all except to say that nothing has changed. It broke my heart all over again Jeffrey. I had another nightmare last night." I tell him.

He places his hand on my arm and says "oh Sloan. Was it bad?"

I nod and say "bad enough that Sid came to my room. He stayed with me, slept with me, and I had the best sleep since this whole thing happened. In the morning, this morning, we were back to awkward strangers. I don't know why I expected more. I hurt him so badly Jeffrey. It's in his eyes all the time."

I can't eat anymore so I push my plate away. Maybe this will be the way that I get rid of some of my curves. A broken heart is the best diet I guess. Jeffrey's phone rings and I zone out watching and listening to the ocean.

"Ok, I need to get going darling." Jeffrey says "Here's the last thing I'm going to say before leaving: it's Thursday so take the weekend to pull everything together and then come back to work Monday. If you stay here, you're going to wallow and that really concerns me."

He kisses my cheek and doesn't wait for me to answer. He's right of course. I need to shake myself out of this quickly. Taking time to lick my wounds is one thing, a necessary thing, but I will spiral if it turns into wallowing. Then I might do something I'd rather not think about. Yeah, I need to get back to living.

For the next few days, I focus of getting back into my personal routines. I start at the gym which makes me feel a lot more like myself. The endorphin rush is incredible from a spin class; although, I thought the hot yoga was going to kill me. I had coffee or drinks with some of my clients. It's always liquids since most don't eat. Jeffrey even surprised me with a dinner at his home. His husband and all of our close friends were there. While they don't know about all of the details of my life, they do know what I've been through and there never any judgment or pity, only love and friendship. It was a wonderful evening and I'm starting to feel more human.

As I stand in line at the Starbucks next to my office, I'm thinking about the day ahead of me. It's my first day back and I'm really excited. All of my experiences have taught me a few things and the big one is the shit kicking my self-esteem has taken. That's why I'm having the nightmares again, I'm positive. The breakup with Sidney was the catalyst for my reliving my past. I don't blame Sid of course. I'm the one who lied and kept things from him.

Sipping on my coffee, I walk into the office and almost drop it when I hear "surprise!"

I look around and there are flowers and balloons everywhere. Everyone is in party hats and there's a big sign that says "Welcome Back, We Missed You."

"Oh my God. You guys are incredible" I tell them.

In turn, everyone comes up and hugs me. They tell me how much they missed me and how glad they are to have me back. Lastly, Jeffrey approaches me and kisses both of my cheeks.

"Jeffrey, you didn't need to go through all of this for me."

"Darling, who else would I do it for?"

We both laugh then I give him another big hug. It is so nice to be home.

"There's one more surprise in your office" he tells me.

Cautiously, I go to my office and open the door. The first thing I notice are the Stargazer Lilies everywhere. They are my favourite flower and they fragrant the whole room. The next thing that I notice is the gorgeous man in my chair.

I cock my hip and say "I'm going to think that you're stalking me Joe."

He chuckles and says "maybe I'm just glad that you're back."

I laugh now and he stands. Walking over to me, he hands me a lily and grabs me into a hug which I return. I vaguely notice that I don't feel the old tug for him, neither emotional nor sexual. When we pull back he kisses my forehead.

"I kind of thought you'd be staying in Pittsburgh Sloan. What happened with the Kid?"

I feel the sharp pain in my heart at just the referral to Sid.

"It was only a season thing Joe. I'm back here for good."

When I look at Joe, he only raises an eyebrow at me. He knows that it was more than a casual thing with me and Sid but he won't poke at me if I don't say something first. "It's good to have you back Sloan. I know it's your first day so I'm taking you out to dinner tomorrow. I'll pick you up at 7pm here."

Joe kisses my cheek and leaves my office without an answer. I guess I'm having dinner with Joe tomorrow. Actually, that will be fun and will definitely take my mind off of everything. It will be great to reconnect with Joe. I don't have any more time to think about it because my cell rings and the fun begins.

The day goes by quickly and so does the next one. I dove right into my work and it was great. Feeling useful again and having success is exactly what I need. I glance at the clock and it's almost 7pm. I close everything down and duck into the bathroom to freshen up before Joe gets here. When I'm done, I go back into my office and there he is, sitting in a visitor chair with his feet up on my desk again. He looks good.

"Getting all pretty for me?"

"Ha ha ha Joe. Comfy?"

"Very, but I'm really hungry too so let's get going."

I grab my things and follow him out of the office. We get into his car and he heads off.

"Does Nobu work? I made reservations."

"That's great Joe. You know I love that place. One of the things I missed the most about LA was the great sushi."

"Yeah, there is maybe one good sushi place in Pittsburgh and it's nothing like the west coast."

We pull up front of the restaurant and there are paparazzi out front. This is one thing that I didn't miss. I stand with Joe for pictures for a few minutes to pose for pictures before we go in. It's all part of our jobs and this city. Thankfully, we are quickly seated and Joe orders us some sake.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

I'm surprised that Joe asks me about it. When I look up from my sake, I can see that he looks concerned so I decide to tell him at least part of it.

"It wasn't good Joe. It was ugly and it was my fault. I was, shit I still am, in love with Sidney and I screwed it up."

He reaches over and takes my hand.

"I'm sorry Sloan. You looked really happy when I saw you in Pittsburgh. It seemed like an odd match for you; but, it was very clear that you cared about him no matter how much you said it was just sex."

Joe is such a good guy. He sees more than I ever give him credit for and he's always treated me well.

"Thanks Joe. I tried for the longest time to ignore how I felt. In the end it didn't work. I fell so hard for him."

We order dinner and he catches me up on the gossip I've missed. He keeps me laughing all night. It was so much fun and I definitely needed it.

As we leave, Joe asks me "is your car back at the office or am I taking you home?"

"I got a ride in with Jeffrey. Would you take me home?"

"No, I'm going to make you walk or hitch" he jokes.

We continue to chat as he drives and arrive at my home quickly. Joe walks me to the door.

"Did you want to come in for a coffee?"

"No, thanks Sloan. You probably need some rest. I'm glad we did this though."

He's so sweet. "Yeah, I am too."

"Good night"

Joe leans in and kisses me lightly on the lips then turns back to his car. I wave as he drives off.

I definitely needed this night to relax and enjoy myself. As I head to my bedroom, I think back over the night. I had a lot of fun and forgot about everything for a little while. Something was different tonight from when I used to spend time with Joe. I enjoyed his company immensely but there was no pull, not even when he kissed me. I wonder if I will always compare all men to Sid. Actually, I don't really wonder. I know that I will always compare every man and in every way to Sidney Crosby. He's going to be the yardstick by which I measure every other man. Before Sid, I thought I was too damaged and not made to have a real relationship. Now that I know what I had with Sid was real and life shattering love, now I know that I will never have that again.

This is why I need to keep busy. I get downright maudlin when I'm by myself. I get ready for bed and then settle against the pillows with my iPad. At least I've restricted my web searches for Sid to one time a day. I'm still so hungry for any news about him. There really isn't much. He's probably gone down south to spend time on a beach. Or maybe he went to Nova Scotia and is laying low with the family. My last thought before I fall asleep is that I should be in Nova Scotia or down south with him right now.

* * *

It's been five days since I left LA and I'm miserable. I've been fishing, swimming and spending time with my family. Everything feels, I don't know, off. The feeling I had during the series with the Bruins hasn't gone away. Love was supposed to be easy, simple even. I knew that it was going to be hard to find someone who loved me for me. Of course then there's the press and all that craziness. I knew it was going to be difficult; but, I never thought that I would get my heart broken. Love is supposed to be easier than this, isn't it? I'm so fucking tired of being fucking tired.

Not even Sam nudging her nose against my arm can make me move. She whimpers and adds a paw to my knee. I give in and pat her head then scratch her ears.

"Hi Sam. I know I haven't been paying you enough attention. I'm sorry."

I give Sam some love until she gets distracted by something in the woods. I relax back against the chair again. The lake has always calmed me but today I still feel restless. Working out doesn't even help me. I can put everything out of my mind while working out but then I stop and it all rushes back.

"Ok Sid, I gave up trying to reach you and flew out here."

I turn and see Max walking down the dock.

"Talbo, what the fuck are you doing here?"

I get up and give him a hug.

"How's your leg man?"

I look down as I ask him. Max broke his leg at the end of the season and he recently had the pins removed.

"It's sore as shit but I'm so glad to have the pins out. I can start really working out in a week. Since you fell off the face of the earth, I had to come to you."

We walk up to the house while he tells me about his rehab and the prognosis. It looks good for him to start the season in great shape. When we're in the kitchen, I grab us a couple of beers and we go out back to the patio.

"Ok Sid, talk man. What is going on?"

I take a deep breath and tell him all of it, almost all of it. I leave out the details of the abuse and the extent of Ron's part in it. I also can't bring myself to tell him that she had an abortion or can't have any more children. Even though I trust Max implicitly, I still don't feel right sharing these details, Sloan's secrets, with him.

When I'm done, Max whistles and says "you can never do anything simple, huh Sid?"

"I've never felt that way before Talbo. The woman had me turned inside-out in every way possible."

"You liked the challenge, we all do. If it's easy then we don't want it. You just said the way you 'felt.' Is it really in the past?

Fuck. "No it's not. That's the biggest problem right now. It's not in the past and it's not getting easier. My nana always said that time heals. It's not healing and I don't think it ever will."

"Then why the fuck are you here and not LA begging her to take you back?"

"It's not that easy Talbo. In fact none of this is easy. Isn't love supposed to be easy? They call it 'falling' in love not 'crashing head first into concrete' in love."

Max laughs and replies "mon ami, nothing to do with the fairer sex is ever easy. They are crazy, always, and frustrating, always, and worth it, always."

I pause to think about what he said. I understand the crazy and frustrating. I'm not sure I buy into it always being worth it. Look at the way it affected my game in the Bruins series. I might as well have never shown up. I don't blame Sloan for that of course, I'm responsible for how I play, but it was why I played like shit.

"I don't know Max. You think that it's always worth it?"

"Sid, I have more experience than you with women, oui?"

"If you count one night stands as experience, than definitely."

Max has always been a man-whore, as Taylor fondly calls him, but he gets away with it because he's French. The girls all think he's 'charming.' Max laughs as my description.

"Of course Sid. So take my advice, if you find one who is crazy and frustrating but who has a tight grip on you heart then do everything you can to keep her. The good ones are hard to find."

"All those things are true Talbo but I don't know that she's one of the good ones."

We both leave it there and sit watching the sun set over the lake for a while. We talk about nothing really of any substance. A little bit of hockey of course and who we think might get bought out. No one on the Pens this year but Philly is definitely getting rid of their goalie. When it gets dark, we go inside and grab a snack before both heading to bed. Before I turn the lights out, I hear Sam scratch at the bedroom door. She has always preferred sleeping in her bed in the family room but since I got back from LA she wants to sleep with me. I don't know if she senses that I'm not quite myself or if she has really missed me but I let her in and she jumps up on the bed immediately. I settle back against the pillows and sigh. At least I'm sleeping with one of the blonds I love, even if she is a golden retriever.

Quickly, Sam falls asleep and begins snoring. I can only stare at the ceiling. I can't stop my mind from whirling over and over. Was there ever a moment when my life wasn't in complete upheaval? For the past two years, I've had concussion problems that threatened my life, personally and professionally. No sooner am I back than I meet Sloan and my life is never the same. I didn't picture myself with a woman like her; sophisticated, professionally successful, strong and cool. If I really think about it, I've never pictured the woman I would spend the rest of my life with even though I knew that I wanted marriage and a large family. Maybe I should have listened to her and kept it as sex and nothing more. When she told me about the abuse then I really should have listened to her. It was right there in front of my face. She has been through so much that it's doubtful you ever really get past it. How do you get past violence from the person you thought loved you? How do you come out the other side of that and love and trust? Fuck. Am I ever going to get past this and love and trust again? Will this feeling of loss, of extreme pain, ever go away? Maybe Max is right. Maybe the right woman always frustrates and challenges us. Fuck. What am I going to do now? Hockey has been the only thing I've ever been able to count on and I guess I need to make that the only focus of my life again. The Boston series proved that I can't do both hockey and a relationship. It's just not possible for me to do both. Maybe I'm not meant to have both. Maybe I'm supposed be the hockey phenom they've always said I am and forget everything else. At least with hockey, more is under my control. Sure I've been disappointed by hockey but I've never, ever been hurt this badly. I've sprained my ankle, my knee, had a puck to the face and teeth replaced twice and, of course, the concussion. All of them together didn't hurt as bad as when ... fuck. I really need to stop torturing myself and put this aside, at least for tonight. Fuck.


	58. Chapter 58

"Joe, seriously, I can't eat any more or else I'm going to burst."

"Sloan, you've lost weight. It's time to put those curves back on that we all love."

"Ahahaha, you are so funny. Seriously, I feel like a pig. You eat like a saint and have two a day workouts and I have pasta and dessert. I'm going to have to go to spinning and yoga classes tomorrow."

"You do not. I need to be naked in front of a camera at thirty-seven years old. You just need to fit into those tiny skirts you wear."

Looking at Joe, I can't help thinking about how spending time with him has been my salvation. Well, him and Jeffrey. I can be myself with them and don't need to hide anything. The attention from Joe has also done wonders for me trying to pick up the shatters of my self-esteem. We've had lunches and dinners together; around his schedule and mine. Today we're in Laguna Beach because there are two great art festivals walking distance from the beach. We did our walking first and now we're having dinner about half way back to LA at one of my favourite restaurants. Joe has saved me from wallowing and probably saved Jeffrey's marriage too. Jeffrey is family but not even he can be with me every hour of the day. I've been able to fill most of my time with work, I even signed a couple of new clients, and then spent a lot of time with Joe. Shooting for True Blood ended so he's doing press now and then he'll start a movie here in LA.

The drive back to my house was a comfortable silence. All of the windows are opened and the ocean breeze is blowing through. The day has perfect. Joe had a full schedule this past week with a few day trips to do press. I've had clients with 'summer blockbuster' movies opening and every day has been eighteen hours at least. We both needed this day of fun and escape.

When we pull up to my front door, we both get out and walk up.

"Want to come in Joe? We'll have some wine out back."

I ask Joe every time if he wants to come in and every time he says no. I'm stunned by his answer this time.

"Sure."

He must know that I'm surprised because he shrugs.

"What? It's been a great day. Why should it end?"

I smile and lead him back to the kitchen. I grab the wine and glasses then follow Joe out to the patio. He's started the fire and set up the double chaise lounge. I hand Joe the wine and he pours us each a glass. After sipping, we both settle down and look out over the ocean. I cuddle into Joe and feel contentment wash over me.

"This is nice" I tell him.

"It has been a great day and a great way to end it."

"I agree. Thank you for a wonderful day."

I tilt to look at Joe and smile up at him. Quickly, our smiles disappear and Joe leans down to kiss me. It's a soft and light kiss at first. We explore each other's lips slowly as if becoming reacquainted. Joe pulls back, takes my wine from me and puts both of our glasses on the table. When he turns back to me, he gives me a smile that I return. This is so easy and simple. We kiss again, still maintaining our exploration only now our hands are free to explore too. I run my hands up his arms feeling every muscle as I go. When I get to his shoulders and then back, I feel how hard and firm they are under my hands. I can't help but compare Joe to Sid. Sid was muscular too but Joe doesn't have the power behind the muscles that you can always feel with Sid. I give myself a mental shake. I shouldn't compare the men; it's not fair. I need to focus on the here and now.

Joe's lips abandon mine and make their way over my jaw and down my neck. I feel my body responding to his lips and tongue. His hand runs down my side, over my waist and hip to my ass. He pulls me close until I'm pressed fully against him and can feel that he's getting hard. His lips come back to mine more urgently than before. I can't help but push my hips closer to his and sigh. His tongue slips between my lips and mates with mine. I bury my hands in his hair and change the angle of the kiss. I can feel my body responding to his. I'm starting to get moist and my breasts are aching for his touch. Only, it's not Joe's touch that I'm aching for and it's not his hands that I need. There's no denying that my body is reacting to his every touch. When his hand slides up to my breast, my nipple puckers under his thumb and I moan; but, there's still a small part of my brain that wishes and yearns for …

"I've missed this Sloan. You are so fucking hot."

His breath at my ear makes me shiver but the voice isn't right. What am I doing? Joe pushes me slowly into the cushions and his hand works up my leg and under my skirt. Maybe this will help me put everything else out of my mind. He shifts so that his hand slides between my legs and I shift to give him better access. I gasp into his mouth when his fingers slide under my panties and over my clit. I gasp again as he runs his fingers around and around then lightly flicks. His tongue works over mine at the same time. Joe knows my body so well and exactly how to play it. He's not like Sid, who needed some direction but made up for it in enthusiasm and then technique.

"Where have you gone?"

I look up at Joe and realize that my mind has drifted away from the moment and to Sidney who's thousands of miles away. That's over, I know. Why can't this be simple?

* * *

Max kept me busy and my mind off of Sloan; at least for periods of time. He's a good friend and I'm glad he came to visit. Two days after he left, Colby came to see me too. His wife is pregnant with their second child and Army said he needed some 'guy time' before they had the baby. I suspect that Talbo called him. Even though Army left the Pens years ago, we've always stayed in touch and his family usually comes to visit me sometime in July. His son is awesome and loves to jet ski with me. I even bought a little life jacket for the kid.

Of course hearing about Army's son and soon to be child makes me think about Sloan even more. I know I did the right thing. How could I ever be with a woman who had an abortion and subsequently couldn't have kids?

"Sid?"

I look at Army when he says my name.

"Yeah."

"Where did you go man?"

"Sorry, my mind keeps drifting. What did you say?"

"Doesn't matter; I've been her two days now. Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Army, my life is a mess."

"That's hardly informative."

"Shut up. Seriously, my life is a mess. I thought I had everything I ever wanted and then, boom, everything blows up."

"Who is she?"

"Didn't Talbo tell you?"

"He didn't tell me everything. He said you were having woman troubles. Of course I asked if he really meant you."

"Funny, very funny. Yeah, I don't think I ever should have gotten involved. Hockey has been all I've ever needed and that's all I do need."

"You're full of shit Crosby. You know that's just crap. Hockey is a huge part of my life but nothing compared to the importance of my wife and children and I know that you know that Sid. Even Sid the Kid knows how important family is, always. I say this with love man but, God, check your ego and self-absorption."

I look at him quickly. What the fuck?

"I'm serious Sid. Is it your ego talking because the girl doesn't live up to your idea of perfect? Is it being self-absorbed because all you can see is how it affects you? Or is it your fucking stubbornness and single mindedness, that won't let you really see what's going on and that you should be begging her to take you back?"

"You don't even know what happened Army! Why the fuck do you think that you know what happened?"

"I know you Sid. I know you and how you think. Sure, you work for everything you get, you work damn hard, but you also have incredibly perfect standards that no one could possibly live up to man."

I think about what he's said. It's probably true but what happened isn't about me or what I think. I did everything for Sloan. It was all so complicated but I stayed with her. I wanted nothing but to take care of her, help her and love her. Then she lied and killed it all.

"C'mon Sid. What's going on?"

I take a deep breath and then say "Army, it went bad, I mean all the way bad. She lied to me. We were planning a life together that she knew we would never have. How is that ego? How is that self-absorption?"

"Sid, it's not and if she lied than of course you'll be angry and need to re-evaluate; but, are you letting ego get in the way of forgiving her, of trying to work it out and have a life together?"

This is why Army is still one of my best friends. He always calls me on shit and sees things quite clearly. Of course, he doesn't know the details of what went on with Sloan. I want to tell him, just like I wanted to tell Talbo. I want to lay everything out for him and ask what he thinks. Why do I have loyalty to a woman who hurt me so badly? It just feels wrong to tell my friends, people who don't know her and she doesn't know, about her secrets. No matter how much I trust them, it doesn't feel right. I keep seeing her, on the floor of my shower, rocking back and forth saying 'not again.'

"It's more complicated Army but I get what you mean."

We don't talk about it anymore and focus on reconnecting and having some fun. He leaves the next day. He needs to get back to his wife and son since they're having a baby in six weeks or so. I guess it says a lot about the funk I'm in that my friends are rolling in and out of Nova Scotia to see me. It feels like when I had my concussion and everyone was concerned about my mental state. It just takes time I guess. The season can't begin soon enough for me.

A couple of days later, I wake up to my mother's voice saying "get up Sidney, I've had enough."

I open my eyes and it takes me a few minutes for them to adjust to the sun coming in from the window. When I can see, my mom is standing next to my bed with Sam sitting next to her. Mom has her hands on her hips and Sam is panting.

"Mom, what the heck?"

"I'm seriously Sidney. I've stood back and watched you try to find your way back but it's not happening. You need to talk to someone and if it isn't Max or Colby then it's going to be me. So grab a shower, get dressed and meet me downstairs. I'll make you breakfast before I slap you around."

She leaves my bedroom with Sam following after her. This is my worst nightmare. My mom has decided that I'm going to spill my guts and mom always gets what she wants. How am I going to be honest but not completely candid? The last thing I want is for my mom to be hurt and if I tell her what Sloan did, well, as a devote Catholic, my mom will be hurt. Fuck.

* * *

I wake up the next morning very stiff and sore. As I try to stretch, I notice that I'm pinned down to the chaise by an arm and leg. When I shifted, Joe shifted too and pulled me back further against his body. Now everything is coming back to me: the wonderful day in Laguna Beach, dinner at my favourite restaurant and then sipping wine on my patio with Joe. It reminded me how much fun I have with him and much fun that I can have. The past months have been so intense that I forgot how to have fun. Between the stresses of the job then the intense relationship with Sid that started as passionate sex and moved into all-consuming love, when we had the final break up, I hadn't had a moment to breathe never mind have fun. Joe has helped me bring the fun back into my life. The man obviously adores me and treats me as a precious treasure. We had a wonderful day together and Joe even put up with some shopping.

When we finally got to my home and settled on my patio, I felt the contentment wash over me in Joe's arms. Then he kissed me and let him. Then he touched me and I let him. My body responded to his touch and my memories of Sidney's touch. They became so entangled in my mind. I know that my body was responding to Joe's touch but my mind, and my heart, was full of Sidney. It was when Joe slipped his fingers inside of me that I had to pull back. I was horribly embarrassed and felt like I was leading Joe on. I shouldn't have been surprised when he pulled back and told me that it was ok; he understood that I just got out of a relationship. We stayed on the chaise together and must have fallen asleep because the sun is rising now.

Joe kisses my ear and whispers "good morning."

"Good morning. I feel so bad about last night Joe. I'm really …"

"Don't you dare apologize again. I understand completely; although, I wouldn't say no if you wanted to continue where we left off."

"You're a funny, funny guy. You're also a really great and sweet guy. I couldn't have gotten through the past weeks without you Joe. I need you to know that."

I slide over a bit so that I can turn and face him. Why can't I fall for this wonderful man in front of me? Why is my body here but my heart all the way on the other coast?


	59. Chapter 59

After my shower, I head down to the kitchen as mom is putting breakfast on the table.

"Sit, eat" mom tells me.

I do because her voice has the 'do what I tell you, I'm your mother' tone. I dig into my breakfast quickly and quietly. Mom sits beside me and drinks her coffee.

"Mom" I begin but she cuts me off.

"I'm serious Sidney Patrick Crosby. You will be quiet right now. Finish your breakfast and then we're going to talk."

I can tell that she really means that she'll talk and I'll listen to her. It's going to be a very long morning and I have no idea what I'm going to say when she does let me speak.

When I finish breakfast, I take my dishes to the sink and grab a bottle of water. Mom points to the back door so I head that way. I know that we'll go to my pier and sit at the end of the dock. Sam follows us and stops half way down the dock but mom and I keep going until we get to the chairs that mom must have set up. We both sit down and I wait for her to begin.

"Sidney, you are a grown man and your father and I want to respect that you have your own life. But, we are your parents and will always be your parents. You'll learn when you have your own child that means that we will always worry about you and will always want to take care of you."

She pauses for a moment and takes a sip of her coffee. I'm not sure where she is going with this but I stay silent and let her continue.

"We were initially concerned about Sloan and didn't know if this was a good match. Then we got to know her and fell for her for a lot of the same things that you did. She is a beautiful woman inside and out. She's strong and resilient to have overcome everything that she got through in her life. We came to love her too.

Now, I don't say that to hurt you Sidney. I'm also not saying that you should get back together with her because we love her. What I'm trying to say is that I hope that the reason you broke up, the reason that you are so miserable, isn't because you are being the stubborn and hard headed boy that we love."

I hear the mix of love and exasperation in her voice. My whole life, I've been so lucky to have parents who love me and have always supported me. They know me better than anyone.

"Mom, I don't know what to say."

"Sidney, you don't have to tell me what happened but wouldn't you feel better if you did? I understand if you didn't want to confide in your friends but you have to talk to someone. This will eat you up if you don't."

That's when it hits me. "You called Talbo and Army, didn't you mom?"

"Of course I did. You're a grown man with a life of your own but you will always be my boy and I will always do anything to take care of you."

How can I possibly get mad at her now? As far back as I can remember, I've always been able to talk to my mom about anything. I didn't need to see a shrink when I had my concussion because I had my mom. My dad is great and has been crucial to my development but mom is just, well, mom.

"So, I've been waiting for you to come to me on your own Sidney and I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of watching you in pain and suffering. Start at the beginning and tell me everything. Don't even try to argue with me Sidney Patrick Crosby. I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

My mom reserves my full name for when she is very upset with me. I am so weary of carrying this on my own shoulders. Ok, here I go.

"Mom, Sloan told you about her abusive relationship. It was a defining moment in her life because it's also when her father turned away from her. In fact, he still blames her for everything including being abused. Anyway, when we first got together we agreed that it was only going to be sex."

I stop here and realize what I've said. Fuck, now my face is going red. I look at mom, she's looking at me and starts laughing.

"Oh Sidney, I know you're my son but I do realize that you have, relationships with girls."

Oh fuck, I think I'd rather have hot pokers in my eyes than talk about sex with my mother; especially if I ever want to have sex again.

"Anyway, we decided that it wasn't going to be more but as I got to know her, I started falling for her. It took me a long time to wear her down. When she was almost" I can't say the word so I say "when she was attacked by Ian, that's when I saw just how much she's been effected by what happened to her. Mom, if you could see just how broken she was, it damn near tore out my heart. I knew that I had to protect her and do anything that I could to keep her safe."

"Of course you did sweetie. You always do anything you can for those you love."

"Yeah, I guess. So she finally let me in and told me what happened to her including Ron's reaction. It just made me love her more mom. I not only saw how smart and loving she is but also how resilient and strong. We decided not to tell anyone. It made perfect sense when it was just …"

"Sex Sidney, you can say sex."

"Yeah, anyway, but when it became real then we thought we should still keep it secret. Ron was emphatic that we not be together. He couldn't order me around but he could do it to Sloan. I guess it always seemed a little weird that she wouldn't stand up to him but I assumed it was because of their difficult relationship and she agreed that we would tell everyone after the season ended. I found out later that it was because she had another secret and her father was blackmailing her."

I pause now to collect my thoughts. What am I going to tell mom? Do I tell her everything? I don't want her to hate Sloan but she says that she wants to know. Fuck it, here goes nothing.

"After we won the Ottawa series, I decided to stop up in Sloan's office to see if she was ready to go home. It was dark and empty up there but I saw the light coming out of her office where the door was slightly open. Mom, she and Ron were having a horrible fight. I could only hear raised voices at first; but, as I got closer I could pick up some words. What was being said didn't register. I only wanted to get in there and protect Sloan. Anyway, I opened the door and that's when Ron said …"

I pause here to take a deep breath.

"When I walked in, I heard Ron say 'what would your white knight think if he knew the truth? If he knew that you had an abortion, you killed my grandchild, which has left you sterile?' Mom I begged Sloan to tell me that he was wrong and that it was untrue. All she said was 'I can't.' She had an abortion mom. She killed her own child and now she can't have any more children."

I pause again to let it sink in. Some of the heaviness has lifted from me and now all I feel is exhausted and sad.

"What did you do then Sidney?"

"What could I do mom? When she confirmed that it was true then I realized that she had lied. She let me think that we were going to have a future together with lots of children and that was never going to happen. I didn't want to tell you mom. I didn't want you to know about the abortion since you loved her so much."

"Why would that change how we feel about her?"

Now I'm dumbfounded. "Mom, she had an abortion. I know how you feel about that and I didn't want you to know."

"Sidney, if I understand correctly, she was physically and emotionally abused by a man that was supposed to love her. She was raped repeatedly by that man who ended it by putting her in the hospital in a coma. I'm assuming that she found out she was pregnant as a result of the abuse. Of course she considered an abortion. I don't know what I would have decided if I was in her position. You know how I feel about abortion and yet, I still don't know what I would have decided."

This surprises me. Shit, I'm stunned by mom's statement. She might have chosen the same as Sloan.

"Sidney, do you think it would have been better for her to have the child? That child would know how they were conceived and Sloan would always look at her child as a reminder of that man. I'm not saying that having the abortion was right either. I just don't think that this is a black or white issue sweetie. We've never walked in her shoes. I won't condemn her for making an impossible decision."

I'm still surprised although what mom says does make sense.

"We both know her well. She wouldn't have made that decision easily or lightly. I bet that she agonized over it until she made the only decision that she felt was right in her heart."

"Mom, something went wrong and she can't have kids."

"Oh no Sidney, really? That poor, poor girl. It must kill her that she can't have children. I bet she blames herself thinking that if she hadn't had the abortion then she would still be able to have more children. Of course none of this is her fault. It's that bastard who abused and raped who put all of the reactions into action and caused the turmoil."

I never thought about it that way. She made a horrible choice that she never should have had to make. It must have been so difficult for her. Of course her father made it even harder for her.

"Sidney, what did she say when you talked to her about it?"

I don't answer her but can feel her eyes on me.

"Sidney Patrick Crosby, tell me that you spoke with her and didn't just react and break up with her."

I'm really in trouble. This is the third time she's used my full name.

"Mom, what was there to say? She lied to me and it wasn't a small lie. We talked about a large family and all the while she knew that she couldn't have children."

"Well God Sidney, I don't know why she didn't just tell you about it! You're such a reasonable man."

I've never heard that much sarcasm come from my mom.

"Sidney, I love you and you have a single minded focus that makes you a great hockey player but, personally, it makes you very black and white. You don't see the gray and with people, especially with love, there is a lot of gray. Was Sloan wrong to lie? Of course she shouldn't have lied to you. Do I understand and even empathize with why she lied? I most certainly do.

Sweetie, love isn't easy. I don't believe in fate or love at first sight because it's too easy. The truth is that you meet someone, there's a lot of lust and like, but love takes time and hard work. Your father and I have been falling in love for almost thirty years. We work at our relationship, every day we work at our relationship. If you're expecting something easy then you are going to be disappointed."

When mom says this, I think back to my conversations with Max and Colby. Shit, Army so much as told me that it's not easy to be in love and I didn't even pick up on it. What am I going to do now?

"Mom, you know how much I want a family."

"There are many ways to have a family Sidney. They aren't easy but there are many ways. Tell me this sweetie."

She pauses and puts her hand on my arm then waits until I look at her.

"Sidney, do you love her?"

I don't need to think about the question. "Yes, with my entire heart mom but can I forgive her?"

"Oh Sidney, tell me, what is it you'd be forgiving her for?"

I think about this and don't know that I have an answer. When I go back in my mind over all of the conversations this past week, I'm really confused.

"Mom, I'm so confused. When I talked to Max, we discussed how frustrating women can be. Max said that we need this kind of challenge. We wouldn't be interested if it wasn't a challenge. Then I talked to Colby and he called me egocentric and self-absorbed. He said that I only want what's perfect and didn't know what to do when it was flawed. I don't know what's true mom."

"Well, Sidney, you are very focused on yourself and your needs. You've had to be in order to achieve this success. I don't think that you are self-centred in the negative way of the phrase. You have a very big and generous heart that you always use with your family and friends. If there's a flaw, then it's your search for perfection. We are people so we're flawed. Sidney, when you look at your future, do you see Sloan in it?"

I always did but I haven't thought about it since we broke up. Maybe I've been scared to think that far or maybe because I don't want to think about the answer. There's no escaping it now with the question from mom.

"I can't see what my future is with Sloan; but, I can't see my future without her. There is no personal happiness without her. I love her mom."

"Then you need to figure it out. You need to figure out how to win her back. Remember, that's just the first part though. You will need to talk through the lies and the truth and arrive at forgiveness. You both need to determine what you need and want and if you can give it to each other. Think about how you can give it to each other. Stop having sex long enough to talk to each other."

Holy fuck! Did my mother just tell me to stop have sex and talk with Sloan?

Now I'm mortally embarrassed "Moooooom, seriously?!"

Now she starts laughing and I'm not sure she's going to stop. Even Sam comes down the deck to see what's going on. I start to see the comedy in what I said and start laughing too. I am shocked when my laughter turns to tears and I begin to sob like I'm a four year old. I feel mom standing beside me as she wraps her arms around my shoulders and hugs me to her. It takes me a few minutes but I manage to compose myself. When I pull back, mom wipes my tears.

"I'd say that has been coming for a while. You're never too old for your mom to wipe your tears Sidney."

I pray that the embarrassment passes quickly and thankfully it does. Mom sits back down and we both stare out at the lake. I finally begin to feel the peace that being on my dock always gives me. Things seem right again. That 'off' feeling I've had since before the Bruins series is gone. I can see my future a little more clearly and my heart feels lighter.

"There's something that I need to show you Sidney. A friend of your sister's sent the link to her."

Mom pulls out her phone and finds what she wants to show me. It's TMZ's website with the headline 'the heiress and the wolf.' The picture is of Sloan with that Joe guy. Sloan looks gorgeous in her usual short skirt and heels only this time she's wearing a plunging, sleeveless top that shows the swells of her breasts. Once I move from her body, I look at her face and am immediately struck by her wide smile. It's not the usual company smile she gives in public. She looks genuinely happy. Oh God, what have I done? What if I'm too late and she's already moved on?

"Now don't go freaking out Sidney. She loves you and you know how pictures are taken in LA of everything, everyone and everywhere. Don't jump to any conclusions. That being said, if you want her back then you better go to LA fast."

Is mom right? Should I go to LA? What if she's with him now? Or back with him I guess. Fuck. I guess I'm going to LA.


	60. Chapter 60

"Joe, I can't do this, seriously."

"Quit being a wimp. When you're hit the wave, slide on first and then jump to your feet. Do it as one motion, not two."

"You're out of your freaking mind."

"You can do it Sloan. Try and do it in one motion, not two."

I see the wave coming and do as he said. First I slide onto the board and then I keep going until I manage to steady myself and jump up onto the board. Holy shit, I'm surfing. I look over at Joe and he's clapping and whistling at me. Of course looking at him causes me to slip and then I'm face into the water. As I come to the surface, Joe is there pulling me up.

"You ok babe?"

"Yeah, I think that I swallowed most of the ocean though."

We're laughing as we swim to the beach. Joe throws the board up onto the beach. Before I can say anything, he sweeps me up in his arms and carries me up the beach.

"Joe, I can walk."

"Not after that spill. Let me spoil you babe."

We're both laughing like loons as Joe lands on towel with me.

"Ah hem."

Joe and I both turn toward my house when we hear the man clear his throat. I can't move. What is Sidney doing here? The three of us seem to be stunned into silence. Joe and I are on the blanket tangled together where we fell and Sid is standing on the patio wearing shorts and a tee shirt with a RBK cap and sun glasses. That's when I get very uncomfortable because I'm in a bikini and Joe is in swim trunks. None of us seem to know what to say.

Joe is the first one to gather his wits and he says "Sloan, I'm going to grab my stuff and get out of here."

I can only nod and stand with him. He picks up his things and turns back to me.

"I hope that you get everything you want and deserve" he whispers as he kisses my cheek.

He heads toward the house and stops by Sid but I can't hear what they're saying. Joe says something to Sid who nods and then Joe continues into the house. A few minutes later I hear the front door close and know that Joe is gone.

I pick up the blanket and our towels then head to the patio. Sid hasn't moved. I tie my sari around my waist and sit down at the patio table.

"Would you like some lemonade Sid?"

He looks at me for the longest time as if he's trying to decide what to do. I stay silent waiting. Finally, he sits at the table.

"Yes, thank you."

I pour him a glass and watch as takes off his sun glasses. He looks so tired. There are dark circles under his eyes and he's pale beneath his tan. There are so many things that I want to ask him. So many things that I want to say; begging for forgiveness being one of them.

"Sid, I"

"Sloan, I have some things to say ok?"

I nod at him and sip my drink. He looks to be gathering his thoughts first.

"I have a few things to say. I don't know if you fully understand how much it hurt me that you lied. We didn't talk about it often but we did talk about both wanting children. To find out that you never told me you couldn't have children, that all the thoughts and plans I had in my head were never going to happen. I did everything for you. I tried to be everything that you needed then to find out from your father that way. It killed me Sloan."

He stops talking now. I don't know if he's pausing for a moment or giving me a chance to respond. I have my answer when he continues.

"Now, I didn't react well then or afterward. I judged you for deciding to have an abortion and the result. I'm not proud of that and I definitely didn't behave the way that I wished I had in hindsight. I think that I owe it to us both to have an honest conversation even if it only serves as closure."

Oh God, this could still be over. I thought that Sid coming her meant that we could, would be able to try; but, he is talking about it being closure. I don't say anything yet. I'm not sure that Sid is finished yet.

"Ok, that's what I needed to say."

I guess I'm up now.

"I actually don't know where to start. I've been wishing for this moment when we could talk and I've thought over and over what I'd say and now, I just don't know where to begin."

"Start with why you didn't tell me the whole truth."

"Yeah, I've thought a lot about it. When we started, it was just going to be just sex. That's all I've wanted and had with men since ... Anyway, it never crossed my mind to tell you anything about me because we weren't going to be anything more than a good time while I was in Pittsburgh. When we started getting to know each other, I still knew that it wasn't going to last so what did it matter what I told you about my past. Even after Ian's attack and telling you about some of it, I still didn't think it was going to last so it still didn't matter. Sidney, I knew that I would never be with someone that would require me to tell them everything."

I have to pause here and take a sip of my lemonade. After a few deep breaths, I feel steadier.

"It was the night my father told me to stop seeing you that everything changed. He was blackmailing me of course. I knew that I couldn't leave you so I packed up everything and moved in with you. That's when it all became real and I felt like I was lying to you. I told you that I wanted a future with you but I wasn't honest about what that future would look like. I convinced myself that I couldn't be honest because it was the end of the season and the playoffs. That was crap of course. I was scared but I knew it would all come out after the season was over. I convinced myself we would deal with it then."

Now I stop. I can feel myself shaking but I'm able to control it. I take a sip of my lemonade again and a deep breath before I turn to Sidney.

He's staring at me now and there is something, just a small flicker in his eyes, that gives me hope. I force myself to ask this next question even though I'm terrified of the answer.

"Do you still love me Sidney?"

His eyes flash for a moment and then the look disappears as quickly as it came.

"What's going on with you and Joe?"

When I look in his eyes this time they are hard and flat.

"We're friends Sidney. He has been a very good friend to me."

I pause now trying to figure out the next part because I have to be honest.

"There was a moment when it could have become more. We kissed, and a little more, but that was it."

Sidney stares as if he's dissecting me. I maintain his gaze. It's imperative that he knows I'm being candid and honest.

"I'm telling you the truth Sid. I've been, well, a wreck since we broke up and I guess I was too much for one friend to handle, so Jeffrey and Joe traded off."

I try smiling but Sid's expression doesn't change at all.

"Please tell me the truth Sloan. Did you try to kill yourself with those pills?"

"No Sid. It was an accident. I was taking them because I was having horrible nightmares that woke me up every night and I couldn't get back to sleep. It was terrifying and I just needed sleep; but, it was an accident Sid. The doctor gave me something else to sleep now that isn't addictive or harmful."

He nods to me and then goes back to watching the ocean. My eyes follow his and I see the waves coming in and out with the tide. It's mesmerizing but I turn my attention back to Sid.

"Are you hungry Sid? I could make us some dinner."

He's quiet for so long that I'm not sure he heard me.

"Sid?"

"Yeah, sorry. Why don't we go out and have some dinner?"

To say I'm surprised is an understatement.

"Yeah sure. That would great. I, um, I need to have a shower. "

"Actually, if you don't mind, can I have one too?"

"Yeah, of course."

We get up and Sid helps me bring the glasses and pitcher inside. He picks up a bag he must have left when he came in and follows me down the hall.

"I guess you know where the bathroom is and there are fresh towels."

Sid heads down the hall and I go to my bedroom. I'm freaking out now. Absolutely freaking out. It's like we're going out on a first date only it's not a date. I'm freaking out so I grab my phone.

"Jeffrey, I'm freaking out! Sid is here and he's taking me out to dinner."

"Whoa, start again darling. What's going on?"

"Ok, I was in the ocean with Joe and he was teaching me how to surf. Then we saw Sid on my patio. Sid and Joe had a quick chat then Joe left. Sid and I talked and now he's taking me out to dinner. Jeffrey, I'm freaking the fuck out. What do I do?"

"Darling, you go out to dinner with him."

"Great, you're so helpful."

I hang up and run into the bathroom. After showering in record time, I put my make up on and my hair up since I don't have time to do it properly. Oh fuck, what am I going to wear? I grab my phone and run into my closet.

"Jeffrey"

"Sloan, wear the flowy periwinkle blue dress. It makes you look romantic and hot at the same time."

"Thanks."

I hang up and grab the dress. When I'm ready, I take a last look and sigh. I guess I'm going to find out what's going on soon.

* * *

As I shower, I think back over the past hour. I'm still not sure what I'm doing here. I'm seriously not sure what I'm doing here. When I was talking with mom everything seemed so clear. I was even clear on the plane and cab ride here. When I stepped onto the patio and saw Joe with his hands all over Sloan in a bikini, I damn near turned around and left. Joe quickly packed up his stuff and said something to Sloan that I couldn't hear. When he reaches me, he pauses and I'm not sure what to do, although I do know that I want to lay him out with an uppercut. He waits until I'm looking at him.

"I'm in love with her man; have been since the moment I met her but I never had a chance. Before, she wouldn't let herself love anyone. Now, she can only love you. No matter what she's done Crosby, you'll never find another one like her. Don't let her go."

His words echo in my brain even now. I keep hear him say 'don't let her go' over and over and over. Fuck, what am I doing? Can we really get past this and find our love again? Mom seems to think our relationship will be stronger once we've worked through this struggle. I'm not so sure but I've learned not to argue with mom.

After a last look in the mirror, I leave the room and notice that Sloan's door is still closed so I make my way out to the patio again. I can never get enough of the ocean, ever. The power of it is impressive but it's also so calming. I could lose myself in the ocean's waves.

"I can't get enough of it either. It doesn't matter how long I'm gone. When I come back, I'm always in awe with it all over again."

I turn at her voice and she takes my breath away. Her hair is up but a few curls have sprung free. The dress falls down her body and shows all of her curves perfectly. She's simply gorgeous.

"You look beautiful."

It comes out before I think about it. A smile spreads over her face and that dimple winks at me too. I'm overwhelmed by her.

"Thank you. You've cleaned up nice too."

We smile at each other for a few moments. Finally, we both laugh and I can feel the some of the tension leave from between us.

"Let's go."

Sloan nods and we both head through the house out to Sloan's car. Outside, Sloan hands me her car keys to drive. I take them and assist her into the passenger side. I can't help breathing in her scent and admiring her curves as she gets into the car.

"Where do you want to go?" Sloan asks me.

"Will you trust me to choose?"

I feel her looking at me. Finally, she says "sure."

I drive down the coast to a small town and a local, family restaurant I found by accident a few years ago. It's a Portuguese place with delicious fish.

I park and turn to Sloan. She's smiling at me.

"I grew up here and you still managed to find a restaurant that I didn't know existed."

I smile back at her and we get out. Once inside of the restaurant, we are greeted by a woman yelling "find a seat" from across the room.

Sloan laughs and looks at me. I just shrug and guide her to an empty table.

"The food is totally worth it. That woman who yelled, that's the mother and she waits tables and does some cooking. The daughter is also serving. In the kitchen is the grandmother who uses recipes that she's been making for over fifty years. Everything on the menu is good. Believe me, the guys and I tried almost everything on the menu once and it was all delicious. Would you let me order for us? We can order some of the dishes as platters and share."

She smiles again and says "sure."

When the daughter comes over, I ask her about the specials and what we can get to share. She recommends one of the specials which we order along with some wine. The daughter brings us the wine and then returns to the kitchen. Sloan sips at her wine.

"This is good."

"Yeah, they recommended it last time so we tried it. I thought you might like it too."

My how formal and polite we are again talking about restaurants and wine. When did we become so uncomfortable? I thought that we had started acting more natural and now it's weird. We're never going to be able to really talk if we're trying to be so polite.

"Sloan"

"Sid"

We both say at the same time and then laugh. It serves to break the ice and I can feel us both relax again.

"I really don't know how to talk to you now" Sloan says.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. It used to be so easy. Of course, we were having sex most of the time."

"We did spend a lot of time naked."

"My mom said that we should spend more time talking and less time having sex."

"SID! Your mom said that to you, about us. I'm mortified; absolutely mortified."

"Don't be, really. It just sort of came up. We weren't talking about sex or anything. God, just those few seconds makes me wonder if I can ever get hard again."

We look at each other and both start laughing like we're never going to stop. We continue smiling at each other and only stop when the mom drops a platter in between us. She clomps away and we break out laughing again.

"Wow, you weren't kidding about the food. It smells delicious."

"Wait until you taste it. There's also grilled asparagus and roasted potatoes. Dig in."

We both pile our plates. Sloan starts making yummy noises.

"Oh my God Sid, this is incredible. How could I not know this was here just thirty minutes from my house? I have a new favourite restaurant. God, they know how to grill fish."

I watch as she keeps eating. Yeah, this feels more natural, more like us. I keep eating too, enjoying it as much as Sloan, and that's when I see them. Coming out of the kitchen is the grandmother, who almost never comes into the dining room, with a baby in her arms. She takes the baby to a few tables and then must notice me watching her because she comes over to us.

"My great-grandbaby" she tells us.

The baby chooses that moment to wake up and her eyes open wide like an owl. They are a beautiful deep blue and ringed by dark lashes. She's adorable. Suddenly, there's yelling and screaming form the kitchen clearly in another language. Grandma says something unrecognizable and shoves the baby at Sloan. To Sloan's credit, she manages to catch the baby easily and laughs. The baby looks like she's going to let out a howl when Sloan starts making faces and kissing noises at her. Slowly the howl turns to a smile and then a giggle. At the same time, they both seem to realize that I'm watching them then I'm looking into two sets of deep blue eyes. That's when I remember and real life comes crashing down again; if I stay with Sloan, this won't happen for us. I'll never see our baby with Sloan's deep blue eyes.


	61. Chapter 61

When the grandmother shoved the baby into my arms, I was very surprised but thankfully I recovered quickly and cuddled the baby to me. Taking a deep breath, I breathe in that new baby smell; a mixture of baby powder and milk. I can feel the baby get stiff and look at her face to see that she's about to scream. I kiss her cheek and start making faces which turns her near scream into giggles quickly. At the same time we both look at Sid who is grinning too. Quickly, his grin turns into pursed lips and the light of laughter leaves his eyes. He has suddenly turned from happy to sad. Sid looks like he's going to say something when the grandmother comes over to get the baby. She thanks me in broken English and hustles off with the child.

Sid and I are left staring at each other with a big gulf between us again. If I didn't understand the phrase 'one step forward, two steps back' before now, it would be painfully obvious right now. Should I say something about the abortion, shouldn't I? What should I do? Well, here goes nothing.

"Do you want to talk about it now? We have to discuss it sometime."

Sid knows exactly what I'm talking about but doesn't answer me directly. He's pursing his lips like he does when he's thinking. I let him think for a few moments.

"Sloan, let's wait until we leave. I really don't want to be interrupted."

He has a good point of course so we chat about other things. He tells me about his parents and Taylor. She has a boyfriend which Sid doesn't like. Not the guy of course, just the fact that she has a boyfriend at all. I tell him about my new clients, especially the one I know that he has a crush on. He asks a lot of questions then which makes me laugh and make fun of him.

We leave in a lighter mood than when we came in; but, there is a shadow hanging over us. I know what our next conversation is going to be about and it's going to be painful. Sid drives us home, to my house, most likely so that we can have some privacy. When we walk in, I slip off my shoes as I usually do and then turn to Sid. He must not have expected me to stop because I bang right into him. With his quick reflexes he catches me before I over-correct and fall.

My breath catches as he holds me flush against him. I can feel every point where his body is touching mine. It's like there are sparks going off between us and for a moment neither of us move.

My phone goes off suddenly which definitely breaks the moment and we spring apart like teenagers who have been caught.

Sid brushes by me while I answer my phone. A client needs to be talked down from a challenging photo shoot. When that's done I walk down the hall to the back patio. I know that Sid's going to be back there and he is, lying on the chaise.

"Do you want something to drink?" I ask him.

"No, I'm good. Why don't you come over here?"

Sid holds out his hand so I walk over to take it and sit beside him. We both settle in and watch the sunset. Again I can feel everywhere his body is touching mine as we lay side by side. As much as I'd like to sit like this all evening, I know that we have to continue the conversation we started at the restaurant.

"I was staying with Jeffrey after I left the hospital. Basically, I had nothing so Jeffrey took me in. I had no home since it was in his name. All of my things were there too. I could have picked up my stuff but I didn't want anything that reminded me of him or us. About two weeks after I left the hospital, I started having a lot of nausea and headaches. When I went to the doctor he ran a pregnancy test with all of the other tests. That's how I learned that I was pregnant."

I need to pause now and take a few deep breaths. I haven't talked about this in years because it physically hurts me to think about that time.

"I've always wanted a big family. The shrinks told me that it's because I never had the family life I wanted. Anyway, when I heard that I was pregnant, I was terrified. Would I be able to have this child? Would I forever look at him or her and see the abuse and terror? Would I be able to live with myself if I …"

My sob breaks through and I can't continue. I take deep breaths to calm myself. It takes a few minutes until I'm steady again and can talk. When I can, I continue my story.

"I also wondered if I would be able to live with myself if I killed my baby. That's what I did Sidney, I killed my baby. It can be couched with the right to choose, and it's my body so it's my decision, or that it is a fetus and not a baby. I think that's all shit. I had an abortion and I killed my baby. Now I have to live with that every day of my life."

I need to stop again. I'm afraid that I'm going to start crying and may never stop. This is why I don't talk about it. Every time I even think about it, there is a pain deep inside of me. It's not an ache; it's a deep and sharp pain.

"You don't need to keep going Sloan."

"No, let me finish it. Anyway, I thought about it for two weeks. All I became was tired of talking about it. Another complication was that I couldn't put it up for adoption because he had rights over the child. Can you believe that; he rapes me and beats me, and he has rights? Finally, I decided to have the abortion. My greatest fear, over riding every other one, was that I would never be able to love the baby because it was his and no child should live that way. ."

I stop again. This is ripping my very soul in two to relive the pain of that decision. I will never get over killing my baby; nor should I be allowed to get over it.

"So, I had the procedure, that's what they call it 'a procedure,' and went home that day. Jeffrey took care of me. There were horrible cramps and some pain. Of course I deserved that and more for what I had just done. The fates made sure that I ultimately got what I deserved. A few days later, I woke up from a nap and I was bleeding; not a small amount, a lot. Jeffrey took me to the hospital and they took me into surgery right away. I had an embolism that ruptured. To fix it, they had to go into my uterus and between the rupture and surgery, there was scaring and damage that will prevent me from ever carrying a child. I knew it was the way that the universe was punishing me for killing my baby. If I didn't want that one then I could never have another. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, really, I just know that I got what I deserved. Actually, there is justice in almost dying from the rupture and not being able to have children."

It was easier to tell the end of the story. It was right that I was punished. There's no pain involved there.

"So, that's all of it Sid. I have nothing else to tell or reveal. You know everything about me and everything about my past."

I take a deep breath and move to get off of the chaise. Sidney grabs my arm to keep me beside him. When I turn to Sid, I'm surprised to see that his eyes are wet. He doesn't say anything but simply pulls me into his arms and I go willingly. With my cheek on his chest, I feel my eyes fill with tears too. I've needed to be right here, in his arms, for weeks now. I'm raw and bleeding but find comfort here. This man who is so incredibly disappointed and upset with me yet finds it in his heart to hold me.

We lay there as the sun completely drops out of sight and twilight takes over. It's that surreal time of day when you're not sure if everything you're seeing is true or if you're eyes are playing tricks on you.

I feel Sid's hand run lightly up and down my back. It soothes me like nothing else could.

"You didn't deserve what happened to you; none of it. You're a good person who made an impossible decision after being, well, tortured for months. You're a good person Sloan."

Now the tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks. I feel, I don't know, I feel like Sid's words have given me absolution or forgiveness. A weight that I've been carrying for years lifts and dissipates into the air. I'm not naïve enough to believe that everything between us is fixed; but, if we never have a future together, I will still always be grateful to Sidney for this moment and helping me release the pain.

* * *

I can feel the moment that Sloan falls asleep against my chest. I'm almost grateful that she's fallen asleep and I don't have to talk to her about the confession she just made. When she told me about the abuse she experienced, physical, emotional, sexual, I thought that I felt a depth of empathy and anger that I would never experience again. The empathy and anger is even greater now that I've heard about her decision to have an abortion. Why do I continue to underestimate the depth of pain that Sloan has experienced in her life? Mom didn't even scratch the surface when she said that it must have been a horribly difficult decision that Sloan made. It baffles me that she believes that she was punished for having an abortion. None of it is her fault. I guess it speaks to the depth of her spirit that she feels the pain of having the abortion so deeply and for so long.

For the thousandth time, I wonder what the fuck I'm doing. How did life get so fucked up? In the past six months I've had such incredible highs and such incredible lows. It's been overwhelming and yet here I am trying to figure out how to make this work. What am I going to do? For this moment, with Sloan in my arms, I feel like I have everything in the world I need. This is right. This feels right. How are we going to get back or go forward? Whatever, how am I going to do this? Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions. Maybe I need to take all of mom's advice and we need to do more talking; clothed. In the past six hours, I've shared more of my feelings than I ever have with Sloan and she has finally, completely laid all of her secrets out. We are on honest ground and just need to learn how to walk on it.

I start feeling the jet lag hit me. Nova Scotia to LA is a brutal trip between the length of time to get here and the time change. It's only nine or ten o'clock and I feel like I've been up for two days. Who am I kidding, since I left LA last, I feel like I haven't slept in weeks. I shift slowly and bring Sloan onto my lap so that I can lift her in my arms as I stand. She sighs and burrows into my chest but doesn't wake. Since the lights are on, I'm able to easily find my way to Sloan's bedroom. Her room is neat and tidy as I'd expect from her. I lay her down on her side of the bed without conscious thought that it's her side of the bed. She settles against the pillow so I find a throw blanket to cover her with and resist the urge to crawl inside the bed with her. That won't solve anything. I need to follow mom's advice; more time talking and less time naked.

I walk through the house shutting off lights and locking up. I grab my phone to take a moment and text mom.

'You are all wise mama-san'

'Are you drunk?'

'No mom, you were so right'

'You guys talked?'

'We've started'

'Good, still have your clothes on?'

Oh my fucking God. Yep, I may never be hard again.

'Yes mom'

'Good, you're staying then?'

'Yes, I don't know what will happen, but we're going to try'

'I love you Sidney'

'Love you too mom'

I turn off my phone and head into the spare room. I get ready for bed and end up staring up at the ceiling. This is a very familiar feeling. Last time I slept here, I laid staring at the ceiling for the longest time too. Maybe we can do something tomorrow together. It's Sunday so Sloan won't have to work. We could go hiking through the canon. I haven't had time to do that the last few visits to LA and I love hiking. There are beautiful views and you can smell the ocean.

I catch myself sighing. Part of me feels so settled and comfortable. Another part of me realizes that I'm in LA, when I should be training at home, and I'm in bed alone. There's no plan for the next, well, however many days that I'm here. I don't do well without a plan. Pat's trying to find some ice for me and dad is shipping my gear so at least I can train. That will help centre me. The rest I'll have to take as it comes. That doesn't sit right with me but I guess part of loving someone is figuring out what to do together.


	62. Chapter 62

I wake up in the middle of the night unsure of what is going on. I'm lying on my bed still in my clothes with a blanket over me. That's when the evening comes back to me. Sid must have carried me from the patio. A look at the clock tells me that it's 3am.

After a debate, I decide to get up and change, primarily because the damn under wire of my bra is sticking into me. After changing and washing up, I head back into my bedroom and let out a yelp. Sid is there sitting on my bed in a tee shirt and shorts.

"Are you ok?"

I take a deep breath to steady myself before answering his question.

"Yeah, I'm fine, except that you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry about that. I heard you up and wanted to make sure that you weren't having another nightmare."

That was incredibly sweet of him.

"No. To be honest, my bra was digging into me and woke me up."

We smile at each other. That's when he notices it.

"You're wearing my 'property of the Penguins' tee shirt."

Oops, I forgot. I used to sleep in it, when I wasn't naked, when were together. When we first broke up, it made me cry to even look at it so I stopped wearing it. After Sid left LA, I found comfort wearing it to sleep in again so I've been wearing it ever since. I guess I didn't give it much thought tonight.

"Yeah, I guess it's comfy."

He smiles at me.

"I like the thought of you wearing my shirt to bed."

Hmmm, where is this going? Is Sid flirting with me? I look at him closely and he is flirting with me.

"You do huh?"

"Yeah, it's like I'm there with you."

I feel a ripple go through my body and land right between my legs. This is a new side of Sid or at least new for a while.

"Yeah, it is like you're with me."

I take a few steps forward until I'm standing between his legs and rest my hands on his shoulders. He lifts his hands to my waist and pulls me even closer. I take advantage and run my hands up to his neck and into his hair. He suddenly closes his eyes and gets a pained look on his face.

"I can't do this" he says and I move back quickly. It feels like a knife into my heart. Sid reaches out and pulls me back to him.

"I don't mean it that way. Fuck, I'm going to sound crazy for a moment. I talked to my mom before I came out here. Please don't get mad; she's the reason I came. Anyway, one of her pieces of advice was to keep our clothes on and talk more."

For a moment I'm mortified that his mom said that to him. I'm also incredibly embarrassed. Then I think about the advice and decide that she's right. Although, wait a minute, his did his mom tell him to come here? I give myself a mental shake and focus on the part he's talking about.

"Yeah, I get that and she's right. It would be too easy wouldn't it?"

I run my hands through his hair again and settle them on either sides of his neck.

"Yeah, it would."

"Ok Sid, you really need to leave my bedroom before I forget that your mom is a very wise woman."

Sid chuckles and I move back so that he can stand.

"Come here" he says and pulls me into his arms to simply hold me. It feels so good, right. We stay as we are for a few minutes but finally do separate.

"Good night Sidney."

"Good night Sloan."

Sid leaves my room and shuts the door behind him. I flop down on my bed face first. How am I going to sleep now; seriously? I roll over and face the ceiling. It takes me a while but I finally do fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up suddenly to my smoke detector screaming. It scares the shit out of me until I wake up fully and then I run out of my room and into the kitchen. There is smoke coming from the stove and Sid is swearing at the smoke detector.

"How the fuck do you turn this off? Stop you fucker, it's just brunt eggs!"

I can't help but start laughing at the scene in front of me. Sid turns to me, scowling, and then goes back to turning off the alarm. Still laughing, I go over to the stove and turn it off then carry the beyond burnt eggs to the sink. I turn and watch Sid continue to struggle with the smoke detector. I want to tell him how to do it but it's too much fun watching him struggle. He steps off the chair, goes into the hall and returns with his shoe. I watch him get back up on the chair and whack at the detector; pieces go flying everywhere and in every direction but it does stop. Sid gets off the chair and looks as proud as a little boy who has achieved something new. That puts me completely over the edge and I'm laughing so hard that I might pee myself. I'm doubled over and clutching my stomach. It is just so funny.

"You can stop laughing any time now."

I just can't. There's the smell of burnt eggs, smoke lingering in the air, pieces of smoke detector everywhere and Sid standing there with his shoe in his hand. Oh my God, I dash out of the kitchen and run to the bathroom before I pee myself. I do manage to stop laughing by the time I'm finished. I throw on a robe and head back out to the kitchen. Sidney is cleaning the pan at the sink so I go to the patio and open up the retractable doors to let some of the burnt smell out. When I go back to the kitchen he's finishing wiping down the stove.

"It was very sweet of you to cook me breakfast Sid. Were you making your famous omelets?"

He turns and gives me a dirty look.

"What?" I ask, trying to sound innocent. "It was very thoughtful of you."

He scowls even deeper.

"Sid, come on, it was hilarious."

He tries to hold his scowl but the corners of his mouth start curling up until he's laughing and I join in.

"Ok, so I fucked up. Why don't I take you out for breakfast instead?"

"Sounds good to me. I'm going to grab a quick shower and then we can leave, ok?"

"Actually, I was thinking about what we can do today. I love hiking through the canon. What do you think of going for a hike after breakfast?"

I'm thrilled that Sid has been giving some thought as to what we can do together today. Hiking allows him to stay active and that brings up a question.

"Sounds great. Since you're going to be here for a little while, would you like me to find some ice time for you? Or a place to work out?"

He chuckles and replies "thanks. Pat's finding me some ice and dad's sending me my gear."

It warms my heart to hear that he's already made plans for ice. It tells me that he's planning to stay for a while. He's even having his gear sent.

"That's great and I love the idea of going for a hike. It's supposed to be a beautiful day."

"Then let's get going. Twenty minutes babe!"

He brushes by me and smacks my ass as he goes by. I can't keep up with his moods. Yesterday, he didn't even seem like he was going to stay and during the night, and now, he's light and flirty. I'm not going to argue but it's making me dizzy. I guess I'm going to go with it.

I just manage to get ready in the time Sid gave me. I find him in the kitchen texting. He looks up and smiles at me when I walk in the room.

"Ready to go?" I ask him.

"Yeah, just got a text from Pat and he's found me some ice for tomorrow."

"That's great will your gear be here?"

"Yeah, Pat tracked it and he's having it sent to the rink."

"Will it be safe?"

"Yeah, it'll be ok. They'll keep it in the offices."

"Offices? Where did he find you ice?"

"The Staples Centre."

Of course Pat got him onto the Kings home ice. Yeah, I guess his gear will be safe.

"Ready to go?" Sid asks.

"Yeah, let's go."

I hand him the keys and we go out to the car. I give him directions to a local diner that I love and we get there quickly.

"This is great" Sid says as we pull up in the parking lot.

"Yeah, I love coming here on Sundays. Only the locals know about it so it's really friendly and a lot of fun."

We walk in and a few regulars say hi.

"You must come here a lot."

"Every Sunday and sometimes on Saturday."

Sid spots an empty table and we get comfortable.

"Hey there Sloan. Well now, who is this gorgeous man you've brought with you today? It's about time that you had a man."

Jackie has always been on me to find a good man. She's going to give Sid the third degree now I'm sure.

"So who are you handsome?"

I watch Sid actually blush. It's so cute. Jackie's old enough to be his grandmother but she never lets age stop her from anything.

"I'm Sidney, nice to meet you."

Sid holds out his hand and Jackie places hers in it.

"Well, well, well, he's gorgeous and polite. You hooked a good one here sweetie."

Sid blushes again and Jackie pats his shoulder.

"What can I get for you both?"

We order and Jackie leaves our table.

"She's awesome Sloan. I can see why you come here."

"Yeah, I love it. The food is good and the servers even better."

My phone goes off and it's a client.

"Sorry, I have to take this call. It's a client."

I head toward the washrooms where it's quieter. It takes a little longer than I'd hoped. She wanted to meet today so it took a little while to convince her that we could do it tomorrow. I don't want anything to interfere with my day with Sid.

When I make my way back to our table, Jackie is dropping off our food and flirting shamelessly with Sid. It's so incredibly cute to watch Sid turn red all the way to his ears. While watching the scene in front of me is entertaining, I need some food and should really rescue Sidney.

"Jackie, are you trying to take my man?"

She laughs and pats my arm as she pushes by me.

"You keep this one happy honey or else I might just try."

I look back at Sid and realize that she's right. He is one of the good ones.

"Mmm, it smells so good."

I sit down and dig in quickly to my meal. I'm really starving.

"Are you tasting it?"

I laugh at his question but keep eating.

"This is really good, great idea babe."

Again, I feel a thrill go through me when he calls me 'babe.' It feels right.

"I'm glad you like it. So, I'm not sure that I should ask, but what precipitated your mother telling you that we should keep our clothes on more?"

The minute it's out of my mouth, I can't believe that I asked it. I guess that I'm so encouraged by Sid's almost overnight turnaround that more I'm comfortable talking about this stuff. It is also fun to watch him blush again although he turns serious quickly.

"Um, I guess I've been really grumpy since we broke up and mom had enough of it. She showed up at my place one morning, woke me up, fed me breakfast and then told me to talk."

He gets quiet and focuses on the glass of orange juice in his hand like it holds all of the world's secrets.

"Anyway, I guess you should know that I told her everything."

Oh my God, Trina knows that I was pregnant, that I had an abortion and that I lied to Sid. What she must think of me.

"Don't worry Sloan, she's on your side and gave me some perspective of what it must have been like for you. In fact, while she didn't have the details, she really nailed how it happened and how difficult it must have been for you."

I slowly get over my complete mortification that his mom knows and realize that she's the reason that Sid came here. At first, that makes me happy and I'm glad that she stepped in. When I start thinking about it, it begins to concern me because I thought that Sid decided to come here himself. Maybe he had thought about it all and decided that we were worth saving or, at the very least, he wanted to ask me the questions that he should have asked instead of simply kicking me out of his life. To find out that he had to be convinced worries me. Twice now, Sid has walked away from me with seemingly very little thought about it. Will he do it again? What about the sudden turnaround from yesterday to today? Is he going to keep making snap decisions? Can I live like that not knowing what he's going to do or if his feelings will change so quickly again?

"Where did you go Sloan?"

I look back at Sid and he looks puzzled and concerned. I want to ask him about his changing feelings and all of it but as I look around and the quickly filling diner, I know that this isn't the best time. Maybe we can find some quiet time to talk more on our hike or maybe I shouldn't ask at all. I am trying to mend fences here.

"Sorry, yeah, I understand talking to your mom. I'm also really glad that she understood."

Sid smiles at me and then signals for Jackie to bring us the bill; when we're done clearing that up, we head to the canyon. We enter the park from Runyon Canyon Road and you can tell it's going to be a beautiful day because the parking lot is almost full. We grab our gear and head towards the trail. Of course we have to walk through the clearing where it is an off-leash area. Many of the dogs come over to us to greet and sniff at the newcomers. Sid bends down to pat each one of them until he's surrounded. He looks up at me.

"You're the one who knelt down to greet them. You get yourself out of it."

He just laughs in response and tries to stand up. A large Doberman gets a little too friendly and almost pushes Sid over. He manages to keep himself righted but the dog does get in a few licks across Sid's face.

"If you're done playing with the dogs, would you like to start our hike?"

Sid laughs and does get up this time.

"Ok, let's go."

He takes my hand and we head across the field and start up the first hill. Very quickly I know why it's called Hero's Trail. I've never attempted this one before and its steep hill after steep hill. We're both breathing hard about thirty minutes later when we come around the corner and I stop in my tracks. We're at the pinnacle and have the best view of the canyon and can see the ocean far off to the west. Sid pulls out his water and takes a long swig before handing it to me.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah, how come I grew up here and I've never done this trail but you, who only visit periodically, know exactly where you're going?"

"Because you only work out indoors at the gym."

He's right of course. I look at exercise as something to do to stay healthy whereas Sid has a physically active life.

"Want to sit for a few minutes and soak up the view?"

I smile and nod to him so we find some shade to relax in. It's so quiet up here. You can't hear the highways or the city and there are only the sounds of birds. It's peaceful and relaxing and seems like a good time to talk again.

"Sid, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did you only come out here because your mom told you to come?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, would you be here if your mom hadn't said to come?"

Sid is quiet for a while and it begins to worry me.

"I guess you're right, I wouldn't be here right now if I hadn't talked to my mom."

I'm actually speechless. Not only is it true but he doesn't seem to think that there's anything wrong with that. If he was embarrassed or said that he would have come to the decision on his own then I guess that I would feel better about it. Having Sid not only confirm that it was all his mom but do so easily is very disconcerting. I'm really confused. He only came here because of his mom. The first day here, Sid was distant and odd which I simply thought was because of the situation and our trying to work things out. Then today, he's making me breakfast and flirting with me. I feel like I'm walking on quicksand. It's just so hard getting my hopes up, and no matter how much I try not to it's impossible, and then feeling like they get dashed. What am I doing, what are we doing?

"Mom helped me understand how everything affected you."

I comprehend what he's saying but why did his mom have to talk to him and convince him? Why didn't he ask me or talk to me? Instead, Sid kicked me out of his life without asking me anything except if what my father said was true. I really want to talk to him about it but I'm not sure if I should say anything. I've been the one who has caused all of the turmoil and pain. Do I really have the right to share how I'm feeling?

"I'm here now though, which is good. Let's keep going."

Sid stands and holds out his hand to me. I need to figure out how to talk to him about this because we really can't have a future if we can't talk. We also can't have a future if Sid can turn away from me so easily.


	63. Chapter 63

The rest of the hike was exhausting but fun. When we got back to the car, I nearly passed out in my seat. We stopped by a juice bar and picked up some protein and fruit smoothies and to go.

"Why don't we go swimming?" I suggest to Sid.

"Good idea. I've never seen you in a bikini and before you say it, I've completely blocked out that afternoon I found you with Joe."

I look at his face quickly but he doesn't look upset. That's good. We each head to our rooms to change. I go through my drawers and find the smallest bikini I have. Usually, I would never wear it in front of anyone else but I still haven't put back on all the weight I lost after we broke up so I might just look ok.

After changing, I look at myself critically from all angles. I might even look good. I grab a sarong and head out to the house. The doors are open to the beach and I take the sun screen, towels and blanket out with me. Sid is standing with his back to me and looking at the water. I pause a moment to take him in. God, he looks even better with some tan on those muscles: those broad shoulders linking the muscles in his neck down to the muscles in his back. All of those muscles narrow down to his narrow waist.

"Are you coming out or are you going to stare at me all day?"

Of course he knows that I'm watching him. Well, two can play at that game.

"Yeah, I'm coming but it is a really nice view."

I walk to, and then past Sid down to the beach. I spread out the blanket and then put down the towels and sunscreen. When I'm sure that Sid is watching, I drop my sarong to the sand. Sid's eyes go wide and begin to roam over the abundance of skin I have showing. I decide to push it and bend down to pick up the sunscreen. After squeezing some into my hands, I start covering myself so that I don't burn, which I do quickly. I manage to reach almost all of my body accept between my shoulder blades. I turn back to Sid and hold out the bottle.

"Can you get my back?"

Sid stares at me saying nothing. It looks like I've had the desired effect.

"Sidney?"

"Hmm, yeah, what?"

I manage to swallow my chuckle.

"Would you help me and get my back?"

"Oh, yeah, sure."

He walks to me and takes the bottle. He squirts some into his hand and I turn around to give him access. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. With his hands massaging the lotion onto my skin, I could almost purr. I have to take a few deep breaths in order to not whip around and rip his board shorts off.

"There you go. You're done."

I turn and our eyes lock. For the longest moment, our eyes are locked and I can feel my heart rate increase. Sid is the first to turn his gaze and he looks back over the ocean. I follow his gaze back to the ocean too. That was a bad move because while I'm watching a wave, Sid whips around to me, picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.

"Sid!" I call to him but he is running toward the water. I bounce over his shoulder until we hit the water together and I go under with him. I find my footing and manage to stand up, sputtering.

"Sidney!"

I look around but don't see him anywhere. What the hell? Sid surprises me by brushing by me under water. He pops up a few yards away.

"You know this means war."

Sid simply raises an eyebrow at me. Ok, he really needs to be taken down.

I duck into the water and make my way to Sid's right. He always goes right first. I have the advantage since Sid doesn't know that I was a champion swimmer in high school. Everyone used to say that I was part fish since I could hold my breath under water for a very long time. I watch as Sid does go to his right and seems to be looking for me. I swim directly behind him and pull his shorts down to his ankles. When he bends to pull them back up, I burst up through the surface high enough to push down on his head and dunk him. Before I can get away from him, Sid grabs my ankle and pulls me back to him. I may be faster and sneakier in the water, but Sid is definitely quicker. He pulls me to him as I try to pull away but he's also stronger than me. When he's pulled me completely back against him, I hold up my hands and stop fighting.

"Does this mean that you give?"

He whispers it into my ear and I feel it deep into the core of my body. I'm also very aware of his arm around me and his hand low on my stomach. His other hand is cupping my breast. To punish us both, I push back against him and can feel that he's getting hard. Both of his hands tighten on me and pull me even closer. His lips kiss my ear and then he bites my lobe causing me to cry out. I can't take any more, so I turn quickly and attack his mouth with my own. Our lips are desperate and we take the kiss even deeper. I wrap my legs around his waist and grind myself into him while our tongues duel. One of his hands starts at my lower back and then slides down inside my bikini. His other hand releases my top until my bare breasts are against his chest. His lips leave mine and he pulls me up until he is able to take one of my nipples in his mouth. His tongue plays around and around and his lips suck. When his teeth sink in, I cry out at the pain and extreme pleasure. I feel myself quiver and pulse deep inside. He moves to the other breast and his fingers slip lower until he reaches his goal. His finger parts my lips, slips inside of me and he bites down on my other nipple. Oh fuck, I can feel the pressure building inside of me.

That's when it hits me what we're doing. No matter how much I want to keep going, and my body is desperate for that relief, his mom's words keep playing over and over. I push myself back with my hands on his shoulders. Sid and I lay our foreheads against each other and each try to catch our breath. His hands move to my waist. When I finally have myself under control, I push back from Sid and stand on my own. I look around and don't see my bikini top.

"Here it is."

I take it from Sid and put it on trying to take a few deep breaths.

"I'm going to swim a bit before, well, before getting out of the water."

I watch Sid swim away quickly so I turn back to the beach and make my way up to our blanket. I flop down on my back and try to convince my body that it's not sexually frustrated. I guess it was bound to happen. Every time we're together the sparks always fly and I always get wet. Right now I feel like I'm soaked and it has nothing to do with the ocean water. I don't know that I've ever been this ready to cum without a release. I can still feel the pressure inside of me; my nipples are hard and huge. I can even feel my clit throbbing. I understand the decision we made not to have sex right now but I didn't think that all the way through. I certainly didn't think I'd be this ... fuck. Maybe I should have stayed in the water too and tried to swim it off. How are we supposed to really talk if I can't even think straight?

I feel Sid walk up to me and then lay next to me on the blanket. We lay silently for a while. I almost think that Sid has fallen asleep.

"That was interesting."

I laugh at him. He has a knack for the understatement.

"Yeah, I guess 'interesting' does describe it."

We chuckle a bit. I take a deep breath and muster up my courage to ask the question that's been on my mind all day.

"Sid, I, um, want to ask you something."

"Ok."

"Why didn't you want to talk to me that night in my office? Why did you simply banish me from your life without talking?" I blurt it out before I can lose courage.

Sid is quiet and it goes on for a very long time. It kills me to just wait for him to answer.

"What do you mean?"

I wait for an answer and then I get a question back. Ok, here goes ...

"I know how I screwed up so I'm not trying to deflect or obfuscate my responsibilities for how fucked up everything is. I know my accountability. What I'm saying is that it felt, I guess, unfair that you didn't want to talk to me either then or when you were last in LA. I understand having an immediate reaction when you heard my father say what he did; but, I thought that what we had was stronger than how easily you cut me out of your life. You even packed up my things and had them shipped to me the very next day. We weren't just having sex or dating Sid; we were in love. No matter what happens, when you love someone and you are hurt or disappointed, you still talk to them."

I heard my voice getting harder as I went on but I couldn't stop it. I didn't realize just how angry I am about how he treated me. I've been so focused on what I did wrong that I never really thought about how Sid reacted and behaved; specifically, how he treated me. I thought it was exactly what I deserved for what I did to him. I still know that I deserved that and much more; but, if we're going to have a future then I need to keep being honest and I need to know what to expect. Will he punish me for the rest of our lives together?

"Sid, I didn't think about it much at the time or even for a long time afterward. I know that I deserved whatever you gave me, however you treated or even treat me now. I'm sure that I don't have any right to even ask you the question. It's just ..."

I have to pause before I keep going.

"I have to ask because I don't think that I could go through a third time."

"What do you mean 'a third time'?"

"The first time was that night after the Ottawa series. You asked me if it was true and then you cut me out of your life. You cut deeply, quickly and there was no opening to even talk about it. The second time was when I was hospitalized. You took me home, you made sure that I was ok and then you left without really a conversation. Each time you left me, it shook me to my very soul and the pain was tangible. I don't think that I could live through it again Sidney. In fact, I know that I couldn't do it again. I don't have any right to expect better, I know that, it's no less than I deserve, and it's probably unfair of me to ask you to consider how I feel here. I guess I'm still asking."

I feel the tears falling out of my eyes and down my cheeks. It scares me how deeply I know it's true that I couldn't handle it if he left me again. This is why I never get involved. No matter what I show on the surface, I will always be incredibly, emotionally fragile regardless of what I do. I don't want to put all of that on Sid though. He needs to follow his heart and if that means we're not together then it will be no less than what I deserve for having lied to him. It also isn't fair that I've made him have to take on my past and bullshit onto himself. I knew that a while ago and yet kept going. I guess the universe really likes to make sure that I get exactly what I deserve.

* * *

I was confused when Sloan first asked me about cutting her out of my life. I still don't know that I complete understand what she means. Everything is getting confused with her actions, my actions and getting what we deserve. As that last thought goes through my head, our conversation from last night plays through my mind. Sloan is saying that she deserves my treating her badly because she lied to me. She thinks she deserves every bad thing that I can dish out; but, she doesn't think that she could survive it again. I feel a deep and chilling cold run through my body. There are so many things wrong here: have I really treated her that badly? Wasn't this all her fault? All I wanted to do was take care of her. If she does feel that I've treated her badly, what does it mean that she can't take anymore? I immediately flash back to her pale and lifeless body in the hospital after her accidental OD. For not the first time, I wonder about the 'accident' part of it. Now what do I say or do? She seemed to be doing well when I arrived yesterday, maybe I should have never come here. I feel all of my inexperience with women right this moment. Maybe there is one thing that I can clear up.

"Sloan it worries me to hear you talk about getting what you deserve. This isn't the first time that you've said it and it just plain isn't true. We all make mistakes, and not telling me the whole truth was definitely a big one, but that doesn't make us inherently bad people not deserving of being loved. You need to understand that right now."

I hear her sniffle and want to gather her into my arms and never let her go. My mom's voice echoes in my head to talk so I stay where I am.

"I don't understand what you mean when you say that we should have talked? I made sure that it was true. When you confirmed that it was true then what else is there to say."

"Sid, if that's true then why are you here now?"

She asks a good question and I don't have an answer.

"Sidney, you are an incredibly black and white person. You see things as right and wrong but there is so much of the world that is gray. When I told you that it was true then I wore the black hat. I had an abortion, I couldn't have children, and therefore I was wrong. I lied to you which made me even more wrong. When I was simply an abused woman then you could weave a story about how it all happened to me with little choice. Then you learned that I did something you thought was wrong. That's when I was no longer someone to protect. Since you still saw it as black and white, we know which side I fell down on for you."

I really don't know what she's talking about. I'm not that literal or black and white as she says. I know that there is a lot of 'gray' in the world and I'm always open to others and their points of view. After I sit up so that I can see her, Sloan follows me and sits up too.

"I am not a black and white person. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and an opportunity to give their side of things."

"Except for me Sidney! Except for me! All you wanted was to know if it was true and then you ended it. Where was the opportunity to see my side of things? Where was the love you professed over and over? No matter how hurt you are, if you truly love someone then you want to hear from them, you want to try and salvage the relationship. But you heard all you wanted to from my father so you ended it; black and white. If you can't see this, if you can't understand that we should talk about things, if you can't see why it hurt me so much, then I really don't see how we can have a future."

She stands quickly and runs into the house. I've never seen her that angry before, at me at least. How did I become wrong in this situation? She's the one who lied. She's the one … oh fuck. How did I get here?


	64. Chapter 64

I think about it for only a second before I follow Sloan into the house. She's in the kitchen getting a glass of water.

"For someone who says that we need to talk, you sure ran away fast."

Sloan gives me a dirty look; so much for trying levity in this situation.

"Sid, you know, it was actually three times that you walked away from me. I forgot about dinner with my father when he asked about finding my replacement. Fuck, I should have figured it out then. When you said that you were inexperienced in relationships, I didn't think through what that really meant. You have no idea how to talk to me about what bothers you. Sure, you love talking about my past and knowing everything about me but what do you share _with_ me?! Each time something was wrong, you ran away as fast as you could. The first time, I chalked it up to a misunderstanding and we got over it quickly. I told you that I wasn't hiring for my replacement and that was done. The second time, I was so devastated, and I was the one who lied, that it didn't even enter my mind how unfair you were. It wasn't until you left me here in LA after I came out of the hospital that I started to think about it. Even then, it wasn't really conscious thought until today. Sid, this is never going to work, no matter how much we love each other, if we don't talk. I have my faults and I've committed my sins; but, you, the great Sidney Crosby, is far from blameless. I know how much I hurt you. Do you know how much you've hurt me? Do you have any idea just how much you've hurt me?!"

She's yelling at me now which surprises me more than anything else. Then her words start sinking into my brain. I really never thought about hurting her. Oh God, or maybe I did and I was ok with that; I thought she deserved it. Oh my fucking God! I'm no better than him. I deliberately inflicted pain where I knew it would hurt the worst. It wasn't with my fists but it might as well have been. I feel dizzy and grab for the chair so that I can sit.

"Sid?

I hear Sloan's voice in the distance as if it's through a fog. I actually deliberately hurt the woman I love. She didn't want or intend to hurt me with her lie. In some warped way, she thought that she was saving me from pain by keeping the truth from me. What I did was purposeful. I knew how much it would hurt to cut her out of my life like that, and in front of her father too, somewhere in my brain that registered and I did it anyway or because of it. What kind of man does that to the woman he supposedly loves?

"Sid?"

I think I hear my name again and see Sloan kneeling in front of me putting a glass of water in my hands. Drinking from it like I'll never be able to quench my thirst, I can feel it slide down my throat quickly and it helps me focus. Sloan is pale and looks scared kneeling in front of me. She takes the glass and puts it on the table then takes my hands with hers. When that registers, her hands in mine, I get up quickly and push her aside.

"Sloan, don't touch me."

I look back at her and she looks hurt and scared now.

"Oh, Sloan, I don't mean it that way. Fuck! I don't know how you can even have me in your home. How can you let me touch you? What I've done is …"

I don't know how to finish the sentence. The only analogy I can think of is kicking a sick puppy. I knew what she had been through so I knew how to hurt her and I did.

"Sid, what's wrong. One minute you were fine and then the next minute you were pale as death. What's going on?"

I look into her eyes. How can I make this right? Can I ever make this right?

"Sloan, you're partially right. I didn't give you the opportunity to explain anything. I made up my mind quickly and that was that. I do see things as black and white and that's not fair to you. But that's only part of my sins, as you call them."

She frowns now. I guess if she's laid everything out then I should too. What else does either of us have to lose?

"I knew how to hurt you Sloan. I knew that cutting you quickly, each of the last two times, would hurt the most. When I was in LA, that was the worst though; after everything that you had been through, I still left you without a word. I guess I didn't know what to say and I was still so scared that you were going to die. That's no excuse because I knew simply by looking at you how painful my leaving was to you. I'm no better than that asshole you used to …"

"Don't you dare say that Sidney! Don't you dare! You are nothing like him. This is the second time that you've compared yourself to him and it couldn't be further from the truth. Yeah, it's pretty despicable that you deliberately focused on where it would hurt the most; but, that's what everyone does when they're hurt. We all lash out at the people we love in the way that will hurt the most. No one knows which buttons to push like the people we love. Fuck! There you go again too. I get dizzy watching you go from one extreme to the other. You are blameless and I was the only one guilty then you were the worst kind of man and completely to blame. Fuck Sid, this isn't black and white. This isn't all or nothing. In a relationship, people screw up and make mistakes. We're never going to have a lasting relationship if you don't give me and yourself a little bit of slack. You are so maddening that I just want to shake you!"

I watch her stalk away from me and begin pacing the room. A few things fly through my head. First, that she doesn't think that I'm horrible which makes me feel instantly better. Second, she's right about the black and white thing. I do tend to see things in extremes. I guess it's part of my driven nature and the way I look at the world. You need to constantly strive for the best in hockey and nothing else matters; second place might as well be last place.

When I look back at Sloan, it's like I'm seeing the woman I first met again. She's confident and vibrant. Now she's muttering to herself as she paces the living room in her tiny bikini. Her long blond hair has mostly dried and is falling in waves around her shoulders. Her movements are very quick as she stalks from one end of the living room to the other. For the first time in months, I can see how she really is, who she really is, at her core. It makes me feel guilty for my part in making her less than herself for the past months. I realize that it's not all my fault but I also now realize that I am culpable too.

"Sloan?"

"What?"

"Would you please stop for a moment? I have a few things I'd like to say."

She turns fully toward me and looks sexy as hell with anger in her eyes, colour in her cheeks and all of that skin showing. I have to shake my head to focus on what I want to say.

"Ok, you're right. I've always tried to keep things simple because my life is so crazy and, in my world, there is a lot of black and white. You win or you don't. You put forth your best effort or you don't. There is no in-between. A couple of years from now, no one will remember that Boston lost the Cup to Chicago in 2013 except for the Bruins. They will never forget and it's not because they got so close, although that's part of it; it's because they didn't win. You either win or you don't. I never realized just how much that affects my life, the way I behave and think and the decisions I make."

I can't read her face so I just continue.

"Like you said, that's not an excuse, it's just a fact. It's worked for me for so long that I never realized that it's probably fucked up some of my relationships."

"What relationships?"

At least her sense of humour is back.

"Fair enough but I've been like this for, well, always so it had to impact something along the way. Anyway, you really are right. You were either the victim and perfect or you were a liar and bad."

"They call that the 'Madonna / whore' complex and before you ask, no, not the pop singer Madonna. Mary the Mother of God is who the Madonna refers to; you saw me as either perfect or not perfect."

She's right.

"So, where do we go from here?" I ask her.

"I don't know where we go from here. I only know that I'm exhausted and need a nap."

When she says that, I realize that I'm exhausted too. Between all of the sun and the emotional upheaval, I feel like I could sleep for a week.

"Yeah, me too."

We head outside and pick up all of the towels and blanket. Sloan heads back to the house before me and, when I get to the patio, she's lying on a hammock. Where did that come from? I guess Sloan sees the puzzled look on my face.

"I don't take it out often because I lose so many of them when the wind whips up at night. I thought that we could have our nap out here."

Does she mean together?

"We?" I ask her.

"Yes we, ever had a nap in a hammock? There's nothing like it."

I haven't but anywhere I lay with her is perfect. I take our things into the kitchen and then come back out to Sloan.

"Ok, I have to admit that I've never been on a hammock. How do I get on without tipping you over?"

"Carefully Crosby, very carefully. It's going to seem weird but get in from in front of me. You'll slip over and behind me. Just slide in one motion. Come on Crosby, use some of that grace and balance."

Great, now she's mocking me. I laugh as I try to follow her directions exactly. The problem is that I over correct when I get off balance and end up on my back on the patio with Sloan on top of me.

"At least you broke my fall. Real graceful Sid. Let's try this again."

We're both laughing now. I'm so glad no one is taking a picture of this; I feel like a giraffe in skates on the ice.

"Ok, Sid, you get in first and I'll hold it steady."

While is slightly damages my pride to have her help me get into a hammock, I don't want to end up on my ass on the patio again. She holds it still and I try rolling again. This time it works and I'm lying on my side. Sloan hands me a pillow, which I place under my head, and then she slides on in front of me.

"Wow, this is comfortable; good idea" I tell her.

"Good, now sleep" which she says sleepily.

She wiggles back a bit and then goes directly to sleep. Just that little wiggle reminds me of how long it's been since we've had sex. Our brief moment in the ocean only served to make that time seem even longer. I feel her warm skin under my hand where I'm holding her as we spoon. I can also feel her smooth legs entangled with mine. Did I really think that I was going to sleep with her in my arms? Ha, dreamer.

For the last few days, I've wondered if we would be able to find a way back to each other. It has seemed doubtful no matter how committed I was to trying. There were moments when I thought it might be ok but then I was doubtful again. With this last conversation, I'm thinking that we are making progress and learning more about each other. The one thing we really still need to talk about is kids. I know that she can't have any but I don't know if she still wants them. Would having children make her think about her 'history' over and over? Maybe it could help heal her. I doubt there was a mistake in her diagnosis since she had the best experts in the world look at her. Everyone always says 'you can adopt' but do I really want that; not that I couldn't love a child that wasn't mine. It's never been a possibility that I couldn't have my own. No matter how good I feel about our talk today, it seems like we still have a lot more to discuss.


	65. Chapter 65

_**Author's Note: super busy week at work but I thought I'd split this chapter into two so that you didn't have to wait for the weekend to read the whole thing.**_

* * *

I wake up from my nap and feel a furnace behind me. It only takes a moment to realize that it's Sid. Not only is he flush against me but his leg is over me so that I'm almost underneath him. I feel like I'm being smooshed but I love it. I can also feel his dick against my lower back; Sidney is definitely hard. I desperately want to reach back between us and stroke him; but, it's hard to argue with Trina since we're not having sex and having great conversation.

I feel more like myself then I have in a long time. I am centred and calm; except when I was yelling at Sid of course but that's part of it. I'm feeling like my old self only better. Every day that Sid and I get closer I feel less sad. I'm still scared to actually talk about kids because it's the reason there's this gulf between us; well, the fact that I lied about not being able to have them. If we stay together and do have kids, maybe by adopting, will Sid look at them every day and remember that devastating moment when I lied to him? It destroyed him to hear it from my father. Will he keep that with him forever? Will we be able to get past it?

I'm distracted when Sid's hand slides higher and slips under my bikini top and over my nipple. He flicks and pinches and makes me moan. He answers my moan with a sleepy one of his own in my ear. His other hand slides lower until he dips his hand inside my bottoms and quickly parts my lips to sinks two fingers inside me. If he's still asleep than maybe I can say that I was too and we can do, at least a little, something.

"We aren't supposed to do this" he whispers in my ear.

Guess I can forget about pleading sleep-sex. He's definitely awake and knows what he's doing to me.

"So far you're the one who's doing something; not that I'm complaining of course."

I feel his warm breath in my ear when he chuckles. Seriously, how is a woman supposed to say "no" when you have this incredibly hot man playing you like a master violinist?

He moves his leg so that he can slip one between mine and open me more to him.

"Sidney, we shouldn't do this" I tell him.

"It's impossible not to when you are lying basically naked in my arms. Your skin is so smooth and warm. I need to touch you, especially her" and he wiggles the two fingers he has inside of me.

"Yeah, you are smooth and hot here. You love it when I do this" and he swirls his fingers around to touch every nerve ending at my entrance. I'm having trouble even thinking now. It's been so long since he's we've made love and I'm desperate for him.

"You also love it when I touch you here" and he slides his slippery fingers up to my clit and makes it wet too.

"And you love it when my tongue is here" and he slips his tongue inside my ear to trace the edges before taking my lobe in his mouth and sucking.

I'm going to come undone very soon if he doesn't stop. The pressure is quickly building and I can feel the electricity everywhere across my body. It's been so long. I feel like I'm about to go off like a Roman Candle at just these small touches.

"Sid you have to stop before we can't." This comes out of my mouth on a breathy cry.

He ignores me and keeps fingering my clit and playing with my lobe. I'm only human, and Sid is so good at this, that the decision is taken away from me. I can feel the pressure building and before long I'm soaking Sid's hand. He has me moaning long and loud. I do manage one last shred of reasonable thought and roll away from Sid and off the hammock. Unfortunately, Sid wasn't expecting it and he falls onto the patio. It looks painful, and I'm so fucking ready to blow right now, but I can't stop laughing.

"You know, you could have just asked me to stop" he tells me, laughing too.

Suddenly, it's not funny anymore and as soon as Sid stands, I grab his hand and pull him behind me. I can't get to my bedroom fast enough. Once inside, Sid climbs onto the bed and I climb on top of him. We immediately join, lips and hands are roaming everywhere. We can't get enough of each other.

It suddenly hits me; I don't want our first time back together to be like two horny teenagers.

I sit up suddenly and look down at Sidney. He looks confused and puzzled. Yeah, I owe him an explanation.

"I'm sorry Sidney. Um, let me try to explain."

I pause and try to collect myself. It's hard to do when my hands are on Sid's bare chest and I can feel how hard he is beneath me.

"Sid, I want to, God I want to but I can't get one thought out of my head. I don't want our first time back together to be like we're horny teenagers. I don't want it to be just sex. It's a big deal now. It's not like we're strangers scratching an itch. Do you know what I mean?"

He closes his eyes and I can actually feel as he tries to relax every muscle in his body. I try to move but his hands hold me still and he says "wait." I stay where I am and wait.

"Ok, you're right. I know you're right. But fuck."

I chuckle.

"Yeah, you're right of course. My head agrees but would you please explain it to my dick?"

We both laugh and I slide down to his side. He cuddles me close. I can still feel every nerve ending singing through my body. There is no way that my body likes this either; but, I'm definitely right. We started this as just sex. I don't want to go back there again even if things are different. This means too much to me, to us. We can't get lost in a sex haze again. We still have so many things to figure out, to work out, and I'm so scared that we'll never get to it if we jump back into bed again.

"I do know what you mean Sloan and I do agree with you. This is too easy and we need to figure things out before we, well, make things easy."

"Yeah, we do."

Were both silent, simply enjoying the closeness together. I guess this is true intimacy; being together, feeling like we're one, it's incredible. It feels right.

* * *

I know she's right but my body hasn't agreed with my mind yet. Of course, once my mind is going it keeps going. It makes me wonder.

"How do we move forward from this? I mean, we've really packed a lifetime full of regrets into the five months that we were together" I say.

I've been thinking about this so much that the question just flies out of my mouth before I can catch it.

"I don't regret our time together Sidney. I regret some of the things I've said and done but I don't regret being with you or loving you."

Why does it sound like 'closure' when she says that? Why does it feel like this time together is our last time together and we are trying to heal rather than move forward together?

"Do you regret it Sid?"

There is a chasm where my regrets are housed but I know what she's asking.

"No, I don't regret being with you or loving you either. I don't think I knew what love really was before you. I thought that I was in love once or twice before; that pales in comparison to what we've had."

Oh, I just noticed that I used the past tense too; 'had.' I wonder what that means.

I can't keep up with my own thoughts and emotions anymore. One minute I'm thinking of our future and the next I'm focusing on the ending. I thought all of our talk was going to make this easier. I thought we would be figuring things out. At the very least, I thought that I would hear Sloan out and decide if I wanted to give her another chance. I never thought that she might not want another chance with me; that she would have to consider if she wanted to give me another chance.

How did it all feel so perfect two months ago and now it's all shit? Just a week ago, I knew that all of our trouble was Sloan's fault. Now, after the last couple of days, I know that it's not that simple and all I am is confused and guilty. I hate change and there has been nothing but change the past six months. One moment I'm happy and everything is perfect. A moment later, I feel incredibly guilty for treating Sloan so badly. Of course she lied to me when I trusted her implicitly. Can I ever trust her again? Oh my God, I can't even think straight in my own head about all of this stuff.

"What's going in your head Sid? I can hear how hard you're thinking."

I don't even know what to tell her. How can I possibly explain what's going on in my head to Sloan when I can't understand it myself?

"I don't know how to explain it Sloan. My brain is whirling and I can't stop it."

"Oh." Sloan really knows how to pack a lot into a two letter word.

"It's just that everything is so confusing. I don't know how to even process it never mind talk about it. I've been blaming you for everything that's happened, I'm not proud of that Sloan but it's the truth. Now I'm hit by what I've done and I just can't get past it. Who's to say it won't happen again? Who's to say that I won't do the exact same thing again?"

"Oh Sid, there you go again. It's not so black and white. I get that it's confusing, I'm just as confused, but it's not all anyone's fault. At this point, I think we need to move past it and decide what we want for our future."

She's right. We've both made mistakes and, now that everything is out in the open, we need to decide what we're going to do. I guess that's one of the problems, we keep talking about the past and we need to, but at some point we need to talk about the future. I wonder which one of us will be brave enough to bring it up first?


	66. Chapter 66

Sid's been weird since our nap. He doesn't seem upset or angry; just off and a little distant too. We're going out for dinner and I actually have some time to get ready. Last time I wore a long and flowy dress. We're going to Nobu so I'm going to dress up tonight.

I'm having some anxiety just figuring out what to wear. Of course Sid would probably love to see me in what I'm wearing right now; black push up bra and matching g-string with three inch heels. Now if only I could decide on the perfect little black dress. Finally, I settle on a gorgeous Gucci dress that hugs all of my curves. It covers me but definitely shows off all of my assets and is so tight that it's hard to take long strides; perfect. One last look in the mirror and I'm ready for dinner.

When I walk out to the living room, Sid turns around and he looks so handsome. He's wearing a dress shirt and black pants. Ok, he's gorgeous. I have to make a concerted effort not to drool. When my eyes get to his face, I see that his mouth is actually hanging open. Guess Gucci did the trick. He twirls his finger around so I turn slowly. He actually whistles as I do. Oh my God, I can feel my cheeks getting hot. I'm actually embarrassed. This is odd.

"Are you blushing?" Sid asks me.

"No, of course not."

"You're blushing!"

Of course I blush more so I turn and walk toward the front door.

"Wow, you look as good going as coming."

This time I'm glad he can't see me blush. At the front door, I open it and there's an SUV and a driver waiting.

"Good evening Ms. Burkle."

"Good evening" I reply and then turn back to Sid. "What did you do?"

"I thought that we could go all out tonight."

"Awe, that's sweet."

I turn and kiss Sid's cheek. He smiles widely at me.

"Let's go" he takes my hand and helps me into the back of the car and then climbs in behind me.

He keeps my hand in his as the driver gets into the car and then we're off. The night feels magical. I slide my hand up from Sid's and over his bicep. He smiles and slides his hand over my thigh, most of it is exposed as my tight dress rose high on my thigh when I sat down. He slides his hand higher and between them; stopping just short of where I really want his hand to go.

We arrive at Nobu and the door opens. Sid gets out first and then helps me out of the car. The paps take lots of pictures and yell for us to stop but we keep going. Neither of us wants to have our picture taken. The hostess quickly seats us in a secluded nook and I know that Sid did some fast talking and flashing of dollars to get us this table at such short notice. Sid orders us some wine and the sommelier quickly brings it to us. After the ceremony of opening, tasting and pouring, we are able sit back to enjoy our evening.

"This is really wonderful Sidney. Thank you for organizing it."

He smiles and then leans forward to take my hand.

"You are very welcome. I thought we'd do a little bit fancier for dinner tonight. I like seeing you all dressed up. You always look good, I mean really good, but tonight, wow Sloan, you look like sex."

Good, that's exactly what I was going for tonight. I can feel the look in his eyes all the way down to my panties. God, I could burst into flames at his look alone.

"You need to stop that Sid."

"Stop what?"

"Stop that, that look, you need to stop that look."

His lips curve slightly and I'm left craving those lips on mine. I'm hypnotized by his lips and the rhythmic sweep of his thumb over my knuckles. Our first course arrives and we dig into the sashimi. It's delicious of course. We talk about nothing of substance as we eat. He tells me about his plans for training this summer. He's staying in Nova Scotia for most of the summer and his trainers will be coming to him. He'll also be training with another kid from Cole Harbour who will most likely be first in the draft this summer. He'll go to Vail at the end of the summer as he usually does. The high altitude helps with their cardiovascular strength.

As easy as the evening has been, I can feel the last thing we haven't discussed sitting between us. When our main course arrives, I decide to take the leap and bring up the last thing that we haven't discussed.

"Sid, before we can talk about going forward, I think we need to talk about one last thing."

Determination comes into his eyes and he says "yeah, we do."

Then we are both quiet. We've agreed that we need to talk but neither of us seems to want to begin. How do we begin?

"I want kids Sloan. I've always wanted kids and I don't think that I would be happy without a family. I hate it when I hear people say 'I don't need kids, you're enough for me' because it's bullshit. It has nothing to do with you or me being enough. I know that I need a family and won't be truly happy if I don't have one."

Wow, he has just laid it all out there now. I guess we're really having the discussion. It's my turn I guess.

"Ok. My diagnosis was not a mistake and there's nothing that they can do so that I can give you children. I wish it weren't true, but it is; I want to feel a child, your child, growing inside me but it will never happen."

I pause and wait, terrified, for Sid's response.

* * *

I still can't believe that we're finally talking about it. I finally said what I've always known in my heart; I want and need a family of my own. It's painful to say, especially since that might mean that I don't have a future with Sloan, but it could never work if I don't have a family. I would end up hating Sloan and myself. I guess I was still hoping for some miracle that with new techniques or treatments, Sloan could have whatever is wrong repaired. She's just confirmed one of my worst fears; it's not repairable and she really can't have children. Where does this leave us?

"I don't know what else to say Sloan, really. This isn't something that we can grow from or learn. We either have children or we don't. There's no compromise or half way."

We're both quiet again and this time the silence stretches as we both come to realize the only conclusion there is; we won't have a future together.

"Sidney, are you sure, I mean one hundred percent sure, that it has to be your child?"

Now I'm confused, how do we have a child if it isn't my child?

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, have you ever thought of or even considered adoption?"

Oh. I guess I've never thought about adoption. I always assumed that I'd have my own kids so I've never thought about other options. I'm not sure how I feel about adoption. Through my foundation and work with other childrens' charities, I've seen how many kids don't have families. I also remember Jordan and Flower went to Haiti twice now. Both times, they went to an orphanage and there we so many children who needed families to love them. I feel like a horrible person but can I really give up the dream of my own children?

"Sid, you know that those are the extremes. We could try a gestational carrier."

I hear the words coming out of her mouth but have no idea what she means.

"What's that?"

"Well, they take your sperm and my egg, put them together and another woman carries the baby. It's our child but cooks in someone else's oven. I don't want to get your hopes up on that one though. I'd need to see if my eggs are good."

This is surreal. I've never even thought about this before and now I'm supposed to consider options for having children. There has only ever been one that I thought about; it's all so overwhelming.

"Sid, we don't need to decide a future at this moment. I just wanted you to consider other ways to have kids."

That's when it hits me: Sloan does want to have children. She wasn't ever lying about that part.

"So you really do want kids?" I ask her.

Sloan looks surprised at my question.

"Yes Sidney. I have always wanted to have a family. I would love to have a house full of children."

I'm at a loss for words right now. I wouldn't let myself hope that she really wants the life I do too. Is it possible?

"So, you really want a family with lots of kids?"

Sloan chuckles and cups my face with her hand to look directly into my eyes.

"Yes, really Sid, I want a family and lots of kids. I'm not sure how I'll make it happen but it's possible and I want it."

I look into her eyes and can see that it's the truth. We could actually have a life together, a little different than I had originally thought it would be, but we could have a great life together.

"You look surprised Sid. I want a big family and" she pauses for a moment "I dream of a family with you."

Oh God, this is what I was hoping for and dreaming of for the last two days but was afraid to admit it. As I look into her eyes, I see that they slowly become worried.

"I want that too Sloan."

Her eyes clear and a beautiful smile breaks over her face including that gorgeous dimple. We're both grinning like idiots at each other now.

"Let's get out of here. I have another surprise planned."

I help her stand and, before she can walk away, pull her to me for a kiss. We hold it for a few moments and linger on each lips. Parting, we're grinning at each other again.

We finally walk out of the restaurant and get into the car. This time I pull her into my arms as we drive to our next destination. Sloan crosses her legs and her dress pulls dangerously high, to my delight of course.

We arrive at the club next. Pat told me that they have a strict VIP area that has its own dance floor. I know that Sloan loves to dance, which I hate and am horrible at, but I wouldn't mind having her in my arms.

When she looks out the window, she turns quickly back to me and asks "Seriously?"

I just chuckle at her.

"Really Sid. You hate these places and especially dancing."

"Yeah, but I love dancing with you."

Her eyes soften in a way I have desperately missed. We don't have any more time to linger because the door opens and we are rushed inside. They take us down and around a corridor until we are in the VIP area at our table. They bring champagne over and Sloan is surprised again. I was worried earlier that I'd gone too over the top with all of the surprises and that it was too cheesy. Her smiles show me that I was right.

The music slows down so I take her hand and pull her to the dance floor. She slips into my arms and I love that we're the same height wearing her heels. Her arms circle my shoulders and she presses her cheek to mine. The music changes and I know this song. How do I know this song?

'Right from the start

You were a thief

You stole my heart

And I your willing victim

I let you see the parts of me

That weren't all that pretty

And with every touch you fixed them'

We continue to sway slowly together. I know this song. How do I know this song? The words continue to echo:

'Just give me a reason

Just a little bit's enough

Just a second we're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again

It's in the stars

It's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again'

I pull back so that I look in Sloan's eyes and I see that they're wet. Now I remember when I heard this song before. It was the first time she told me that she loved me. It was the first time that she truly trusted me and told me how very much she loved me. The song continues to echo:

'Oh, we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again

Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent

And we can learn to love again'

I pull her a little closer so that our lips touch. The kiss is light and sweet at first and then we take it deeper. When we part, a tear slides down Sloan's cheek.

"Sidney, I love you so much."

My heart completely heals at those magic words.


	67. Chapter 67

Sidney pulls me onto his lap and takes my lips with his as soon as we're in the back seat of the SUV. It's a sweet exploration with warmth more than heat. I can feel that warmth seep through my entire body. I feel cherished and loved. I pull back slightly having a sudden need to see his eyes. They are very dark and intense. Sliding my hand up to his cheek, I rub my thumb across his bottom lip and continue looking into the fathomless depth of his eyes. Neither of us notices that the car has stopped until the door opens. We both get out, Sid tips the driver, and we walk into the house arm in arm. I lead Sidney to my room and I only leave him for a moment while I turn on a soft light in the corner.

When I come back to Sidney, I suddenly feel nervous like this is my first time.

"I feel nervous" I tell him.

Sid smiles and says "me too."

I chuckle and so does Sid before he takes me in his arms.

"But nothing has ever felt so right in my entire life."

I can see it in his eyes as I lean in to take his lips with mine. As we kiss slowly, Sidney lowers the zipper of my dress and then pulls the dress down until it pools at my feet.

He pulls back and his eyes rake hotly over my body.

"It's a good thing that I didn't know what you were wearing under that dress or else we wouldn't have gotten through dinner."

"I thought of you when I was wearing only this and trying to decide on a dress."

His hands slowly glide over my bare skin and I can feel myself shiver under his light touch. It's my turn and I run my hands under his shirt over his abs and then chest taking his shirt with them. He lifts his arms to help me take it off. I use my finger tips to trace the muscles on his chest. I just can't get enough of touching his body. I lower my hands over his stomach and feel it quiver. I look up at him and smile knowing exactly what I'm doing to him with my touch. I rise up on my toes to kiss his lips as my hand travels down further and cups him through his pants. He's already getting hard and I love that I do that to him. He moans into my mouth as I cup him. Seriously, best sound ever!

I kiss over his jaw, down his neck taking tiny bites and licks of him there, and then over his chest. So much skin to lick and kiss as my hand begins to stroke him through his suit. I slide my other hand inside his pants at his hip and move my other hand to the other side. I kiss down his chest and then over his tight abs. As I sink completely down to my knees I undo his pants and then pull his pants and shorts completely off. He springs free and I grab his shaft with my hand. He moans and then again when I take the tip in my mouth. I use my hand to stroke him and my tongue and lips to suck. He grows huge and fast. I guess it has been a few weeks. I move my hand and mouth faster and his hand settles on my head. His fingers run through my hair and then just hang on as I increase speed again. "Sloan" he says and his hand tries to move my head away. I know he's close to his orgasm and he always wants me to go first. This time I feel the need to show him how much I want him first. It's vitally important to me that he knows how much I desire him and want to please him. After all of our challenges, I want him to know just how much I miss him, want him and need him. Within seconds his body seizes and his orgasm washes over him. I slowly slide up his body until I'm standing and looking at the rapture on his face. I feel it all the way to my core how much pleasure I gave him. He wanted to stop and couldn't.

He regains composure and is looking at me. I can't stop a smile from spread over my face. "You are the devil, you know that don't you." I love how deep and husky his voice is when he says this to me. My smile just widens and I nod. He chuckles deep and low, second best sound ever, and kicks his pants and shots from his ankles. Then he picks me up so that I'm straddling him and walks toward the bed. He slides me down his body and onto the bed. I'm kneeling on it now which puts me at the same height as Sidney with him standing in front of me. He coils my hair around his hand and pulls my head back to completely expose my neck to him. He begins to lick and suck at various spots. I cry out when he takes a little nip. My hands have gone to his shoulders to steady myself. He tilts my head just the way he wants it and kisses below my ear. When I feel his breath there I shiver all the way through my body. He is so good at that and he knows it. I feel his smile against my neck as he continues to kiss it. He moves over my jaw line and up my chin to my lips. But he doesn't kiss me. I let out a little cry from wanting and still he doesn't kiss me. I slip out my tongue over his lips but he won't come closer. His tongue finds mine and we have a little duel before he finally crushes his lips to mine. His hand pulls my head back as far as it will go. His other hand goes around my waist to keep me flush against him. I can't do anything but try to keep up.

He releases my bra and then pulls it off of me. My breasts are now up against his bare chest. My nipples harden immediately. He continues to kiss me and sweeps his tongue over mine as his free hand finds one of my nipples. His thumb slides around and around it and then he rolls it with his thumb and forefinger. I can't keep up with all of the pleasure I'm feeling. My lips are swollen from his hard, searing kiss. My nipples are hard from the feeling of his skin and his ministrations. He keeps his hand in my hair as his mouth travels over my neck, down my chest to lap up one nipple with his tongue. I moan loudly. He moves to my other breast and continues. I moan again. He pushes me back until I'm lying on the bed and he has moved over me.

* * *

I actually thought the woman was going to kill me; when I felt her lips take me into her mouth I thought I might just die. When I came so quickly, I thought I might die of embarrassment. I try so hard to make sure she comes before I ever do, especially in case it can only happen once, that I didn't want her to do it. Turns out that I just can't stop her and, I guess, after so many weeks apart, I really didn't want to; but, I'm going to make it up to her now. We finally made it to the bed and I'm sliding off the last remaining barrier between us, her g-string. When we are finally both naked, I lie beside her and run my hand from her cheek down to her thigh but carefully not touching between her thighs. She lets out a small mew when I touch all around it but don't go in between. Her hips begin to move as I near but I still don't dip lower. Her legs widely open and I still make her wait. She's not the only one who can tease.

I lean over her and take one of her nipples into my mouth. I run my tongue around and around and then suck on it. I lightly play my teeth over it too. She lets out a groan at that so I do it again. My hand is sitting on her hip and the other is in her hair. I still make her wait. My 'game' has improved since we first came together and I know her body now even better than I know my own. As my mouth moves to the other breast, my hand finds the one I just left wet and I slide my finger around the wet nipple as I take the other one into my mouth. Repeating the action with my tongue, lips and then teeth, my hand slides lower. I skim over her stomach, lightly rest at her hip and then caress her thigh. Her hips arch again and I move my fingers to her inner thigh now. I'm closer but not close enough for her. "Sidney, please" she begs me. I can feel how tight her body is and how desperate she needs me to touch deep inside her.

Deciding that she has waited long enough, I slide one finger from front to back over the crevasse but not inside. Still I make her wait. I move my finger back and forth while dipping a little more inside each time. When my finger is outside her entrance, she tries to thrust her hips to take it in but I don't let her. I move my mouth to a nipple again and lick at it. I take her nipple in my mouth as I slip my finger deep but slowly inside her. She lets out a long, loud cry that I'm sure the neighbours can hear us. I rotate my finger so that every nerve ending at her entrance can feel it. I add another finger as I take her other nipple in my mouth. I pump her in and out a few times and then take my soaked fingers to slide over her clit. I circle it round and round and then rub. She comes off the bed with her hips and cries out loud again. When my fingers slip back inside her, they are instantly soaked again. I kiss down her breasts and then stomach as my fingers continue to pump her. I remove my fingers when my lips get to her stomach. I slip off the bed and pull her closer to the edge. My hands hold her thighs as wide apart as they'll go and I can see her open to me. Her clit is completely engorged. She is glistening with how wet she is and I can't wait to taste. Using the flat of my tongue, I take a big, slow lick of her; once, twice, three times. I can hear her uneven breath and cries, moans and mews. I feel myself getting hard again with every noise she makes.

Using my fingers, I pull her lips apart and slip my tongue inside her. I dart it in and out over and over again. Her hips begin to rotate with my thrusts. Making my tongue flat again, I lick up until I find her clit. It is so sensitive right now that the little lick I give it brings her to the brink of orgasm. I decide to let her have her first release and take her clit in my mouth. I alternate between sucking and licking. I continue this going faster and faster, over and over, until I hear her crying out and finally letting go. She gushes as she orgasms and my face is soaked. She is still shaking as I climb back up on the bed and, after wiping my mouth, I lean in to kiss her. Her entire body has gone lax now. I continue to run my hands over the hills and valleys of her soft skin. I don't want her too relaxed. I'm not nearly done with her yet. I trace circles on the inside of her thighs and feel her shiver again. Good, not too relax. I slip a finger back inside of her and she shivers again. If I thought she was responsive before she had an orgasm, she is exponentially more sensitive and responsive directly after she orgasms.

I swirl my finger around her entrance and then up to her clit. I barely touch it and her hips jump like I used electric shock. I flick it ever so softly with the tip of my finger and her hips jump again. Good. I continue to tease her clit as I take her mouth with mine. I kiss her so deeply I don't know where her tongue starts and my stops. It's like our bodies are slowly becoming one again. It's been so long that I want to explore every single part of her before we finally mate. I slide one and then two fingers inside of her and feel that I can add a third. When I do, there is an increased friction as I pull in and out. Her hips begin to move in time to my fingers and her mouth and tongue continue to play with mine. I move over her and spread her legs as wide as they'll go. She guides me inside her with her hand and we both moan when we are finally connected. It kills me but I hold there for as long as I can. I want to extend the pleasure and I also want to savour this moment that I've been waiting weeks for and thought I might never have again.

I move very slowly at first drawing out every nuance, every touch, every feeling. We both pick up the pace slightly and the friction is incredible. She puts her arms around me and rolls me onto my back. We stay connected but now she's on top. She is setting a quicker pace and reaches back to rest her hands on my thighs as rocks over me. I love this position because I can be buried even deeper in her and I can also reach up and rub at her clit just the way she likes. I do this now and she begins to rock faster. I'm praying that I can hold on this time. I've never had to worry about that before Sloan. She rocks faster and faster and I rub her clit harder and faster too. I'm trying desperately to hold on longer when she throws her head back and cries out. While she's riding her orgasm, I let myself go and almost black out for a moment. Sloan falls completely on top of me and we both try to catch our breaths. I take each of her cheeks in a hand and kiss her softly but deeply. We are both covered with sweat and completely flush.

"I love you" I tell her "very, very much."

I see tears gather in her eyes and she kisses me and then says "and I love you very, very much Sidney."

I am still inside her, although soft, and I feel more connected to her than any other human being in my entire life; physically, emotionally, passionately. This is truly what it feels like to love. Can I really have a future and life with this incredible woman? How did I get this lucky? There is one thing that I want to ask.

"Sloan, a future together means that you'll need to live in Pittsburgh, at least for the season. Are you ok with that?"

"Sidney, I know that your life is in Pittsburgh and Nova Scotia. I'm hoping we can spend time in LA too in the summer."

Wow, really, is it this easy?

"What I don't know Sid is what my father's going to say about my joining the Pens full time."

I didn't realize that she'd want to come back to the Pens.

"I guess I thought there would be too many bad memories to come back to the team."

She lifts her head and rests her chin on my chest.

"There are bad memories, sure; but, there are also the best memories of my life. We fell in love there."

I can't help but smile. Here resilience is one of the reasons I feel in love with her.

"That would be great then. We could travel together during the season and then have the freedom to be where ever we want to be during the summer. I'm used to spending some time in LA anyway, so we'd divide our time between Nova Scotia and LA."

Her smile widens. It really can be this easy. Quickly though, her smile disappears.

"I will need to talk to my father."

I quickly jump in "we'll need to talk to your father. We're in this together now."

She gives me a small smile, kisses my chest then lays her check against it.

"Ok, we're in this together. Let's figure this out tomorrow. I don't want anything to interfere with this perfect moment tonight, ok?"

I sense that there is something else that she wants to say but she doesn't. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.


	68. Chapter 68

In the morning, I decided to stay with Sidney rather than go to work. It was a light day, as Mondays usually are, and Jeffrey understood. In fact, he told me to stay in bed and not to get out all day. Sidney and I are doing our best. Currently, we're in bed eating breakfast of oatmeal and assorted fresh fruit.

"This is the way we should eat breakfast every day."

I laugh at him and reply "in bed?"

He grazes his thumb over my nipple, which immediately puckers for him, and says "naked, in bed."

Juice from the orange he's eating drips onto my chest starting at my clavicle and running over my breast.

"Oops" is all Sid says before his tongue follows the trail of juice. He starts at my clavicle and licks and kisses every inch of skin there. Then he moves his tongue lower lapping up every drop of juice he finds. Still moving lower, I moan when he finds my nipple. His tongue rolls around it over and over. I moan again when he sucks it between his lips and takes a tiny nibble. I can feel moisture pooling between my legs. He moves to the other nipple and repeats his attention there. His fingers replace where his lips just left and he rolls my nipple between his thumb and finger. He squeezes lightly while his teeth sink into the other one. Oh fuck! It feels so good. A shiver and sweat break out over my entire body.

"Sid!" I cry out.

He continues down my body and over my stomach. He spends time kissing over every inch of skin at my stomach. His hands push my thighs apart as he slides lower. My hips shift slightly in anticipation. I feel his breath on me lightly at first and then he blows. Again, a shiver breaks out over my entire body. His fingers open me up to him and he blows again. I feel that air blowing across my wetness throughout my entire body. That's when Sidney leans in and takes a long, slow lick. He pauses on my clit and flicks at it with the tip of his tongue again and again. I can feel myself getting wetter, I may even be dripping now and Sid moves to take a long, slow lick again.

I reach down and run my fingers through his hair. Sid pries my lips apart again and pushes his tongue inside me. Oh fuck! Involuntarily, my hips move to meet each thrust of his tongue. He darts and swirls and drives me crazy. I can feel the pressure building as Sid continues to tongue me. He moves to my clit and sucks and licks and flicks over and over again. My hips move and grind against his face until I feel my release. It takes over me and I'm shaking all over. The orgasm plays over me again and again.

When I can finally open my eyes, I see Sid laying on his side looking down at me.

"You're awfully good at that Crosby."

He chuckles and outlines my breasts with his nimble fingers. He slides them lower as he leans in to kiss me. Our lips play softly while his fingers dip between my thighs. His fingers slide easily inside of me. I'm still soaked. He slides them deep inside of me until he hits the right spot and I come right off the bed. I scream into his mouth as Sid pushes on that spot again and again. I feel like it can't control myself, I'm completely at his mercy now. He pumps his fingers in and out then alternately pushes on that spot. I have barely come down from my first one and I'm on my way to my second orgasm. There's one small thought that breaks through my sex haze. I need his dick inside me; now!

"Sidney, I need you inside me, now!"

I feel Sid slide over and then slam into me. He sets a frenetic pace. I hear my heart roaring in my ears and Sid moves faster.

"God, Sid harder, fuck me harder."

He doesn't need to be told twice. Sid moves off of me quickly and pulls me with him. I just make it to my hands and knees in time for Sid to slam into me again. He can get deeper this way and I'm soaring again. Sid moves faster and faster. I know he's getting closer. Sid reaches under me to rub at my already swollen clit and it puts me over the edge. I only stay up because Sid is holding my waist as he finishes himself off. When he let's go, I fall flat on my face and Sid falls on top of me.

All I can hear, besides the fast beating of my heart, is both Sid and I trying to each catch our breath.

"I must be too heavy but I just can't move right now. You'll have to slide out from under me if you want to move me."

"I don't have the strength Sid. Go ahead and suffocate me, I can't seem to care at the moment."

I can feel his chuckle. He kisses my shoulder and then rolls to the side taking me with him so that we are spooning. I can feel his breathing slow and start wondering if he's fallen asleep.

"What do you want to do today?" He asks me.

"Is it too decadent to want to stay in bed all day?"

He laughs and replies "no. In fact I whole heartedly agree with that plan. Shit!"

I look over my shoulder at him and ask "what?"

"I have to be at the rink for 10am. We have a two hour work out planned."

I calculate the day and current time in my head.

"Why don't we do this: let's actually get out of bed, I'll take you to the rink and do some work while you're skating and then we have the rest of the day?"

I can feel him smile into my shoulder.

"That's a great idea. Are you going to sit in the stands while you work so I can show off?"

Now it's my turn to chuckle "sure. Now I really need to take a shower if we're going to be on time."

Before Sid can have another idea, I jump out of bed and dash into the bathroom. After showering and dressing, I head out to the kitchen to find Sid. He's not there so I go out to the patio. I think Sid could live out by the water. When I head out the door, I overhear him talking on his phone.

"Congratulations man! That's great news. Your mom must be so excited."

There's silence for a moment then Sid talks again.

"Yeah, things are going really well."

I feel bad listening in so I continue out so that Sid can see me. He smiles and holds out his hand. I take it and he pulls me onto his lap.

"Well, my woman is here so I need to go."

A thrill goes through me when I hear Sid call me his 'woman.' He says goodbye.

"That was Max Talbot. He was telling me that his girlfriend is pregnant. He's so excited."

I know the moment that Sid and I both realize what he's said. We know that we'll never have that moment. I want to say something but I don't know what to actually say.

"Sloan, we'll have that moment, even if we adopt, we'll have the moment when we hear that we have a child. It will happen for us."

He is incredibly sweet and right.

"Yeah, you're right. It may happen differently, but it will happen."

We kiss softly and then I cuddle into his chest. Wow, I can't believe after everything we've been through we're finally at a point of complete honesty. I glance at my watch and see that we're running late.

"Sid, we need to go."

He glances at his watch too.

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

Last night and this morning were incredible. Every time I think I've experienced the best sex of my life, we top it. Sloan is indescribable. I glance up at her in the stands while I wait my turn for the next drill. She's focused on her iPad and on her phone; so much for impressing my girl. This makes me laugh. I've never played to impress anyone before. I've always focused solely on the game and how I've played it. I measure myself against what I should be doing and how I should be playing; basically what perfect looks like. It's odd to be thinking about what Sloan thinks of my game. I've cared about what my dad thinks and some coaches, Mario of course, but never a girl. Ha. Sloan is hardly a girl. She's all woman.

"Crosby! You going to play or you want to stare at your woman all day?!"

"If she was your woman, wouldn't you stare at her too, eh Sid?"

I listen to the guys chirping at me and take it quietly. They don't know the half of how lucky I am. I do get my ass in gear though and take my turn at the drill. I find myself glancing at Sloan periodically throughout the whole workout. Sometimes she's on her phone or working. A few times I catch her watching me. I love that she's watching me skate. I feel my dick twitch every time I see her eyes on me which makes my jock very uncomfortable.

We stay on the ice for about 90 minutes and I'm drenched by the time we're done. I glance into the stands and Sloan's gone. I look around and find her at the Kings' bench so I skate over. I can't resist spraying her with a snow shower.

"Ahhh, SIDNEY!"

She looks so cute trying to wipe off all of the snow. I start to feel bad so I lean over to help her.

"Stay away from me. Seriously Sid, I love you, and forgive you for getting me all wet, but I seriously can't take the stench! I had to put up with it in the locker room but I don't need to put up with it now. Seriously, how can you stand yourself?"

I chuckle at her.

"You do get used to it."

"Never, ever, will I get used to it."

"Ok, let me go shower and I'll meet you out front."

I lean in to kiss her and she crinkles up her nose.

"I'll make it worth your time if you wait until after you shower."

Hmm, I like the sound of that and it's giving me ideas.

"Ok, after my shower, but I have ideas on how you can make it worth my time."

She laughs and I skate off to change and shower. It doesn't take much time, especially with incentive to hurry, and I find her in the lobby.

"Ready to go?" I ask.

She turns around and gives me a huge smile. There's that sexy dimple. Yeah, I have a lot of ideas. I take her hand and we head out to the car. As soon as we're inside the car, Sloan grabs me and pulls me to her, hard. Her lips assault mine and I just try to keep up. Her tongue plays over mine and I feel her hands in my hair. As fast as she was on me, she pulls away and sits back in her seat. I'm left feeling more than a little shell shocked and on my way to feeling very hard.

"Was that worth it?" she asks.

"It was good, for a start."

I pull out of the parking lot and on our way home. Wow, I just called her house home. My thoughts are interrupted when I feel Sloan's hand on my thigh.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"You said the kiss was a good start. I thought I'd try something else."

She's an evil, evil woman. Her hand slides higher until she's actually cupping me through my shorts.

"You can explain this to the police when I get pulled over for erratic driving."

She only chuckles, unzips my shorts and slips her hand inside. When she takes my dick in her hand, I have to focus not to drive off the road. Just as she starts to slide her hand down, her phone rings and she moves back to her seat to grab it. When I stop at a red light, I look at Sloan and her smile has been replaced by a sad look.

"What?" I ask.

Sloan looks at me and I see that she's more than a little sad.

"What?" I ask again but I have to turn away when the light turns green.

"It's my father."

Oh, that's why she looks that way.

"When was the last time you spoke with him?"

Sloan doesn't answer me which really does answer the question.

"Sloan, have you spoken to him since that night in Pittsburgh?"

"No."

Her answer doesn't surprise me. I haven't talked to him either; although, for me, I want to kill him for how he's treated his daughter. I reach down and zip up. The mood is definitely over.

We drive the rest of the way home in silence. As we walk into the house, I take Sloan's hand and pull her through the house and out the back. I pause at the edge of the patio and kick off my shoes then wait for Sloan to do the same. We walk down the beach hand in hand and silence for a while.

"We need to go see him and clear the air before the season begins. I would love to avoid it but we can't Sloan."

"Yeah, I know. Regardless of being my father, he's an owner and has a say about my going back to the Pens."

"I wonder if we should talk to Mario first. He can help us that way as an owner. It's a tough spot to put him in but I know he'll want to help. He's always been supportive of us."

She's quiet for a few moments and I begin to wonder if she doesn't agree. This is the one thing we haven't discussed that could be an issue between us. I wait for Sloan to respond.

"I don't like the idea of putting Mario in the middle but I understand what you're saying."

Yeah, she's right but I don't have a better idea.

"It is putting him in the middle. What else can we do?"

"What if we talked to Mario and asked what he thinks we should do? That way we're not putting him directly in the middle but he may have some ideas."

Of course she has a better idea. I always seem to underestimate Sloan. I forget how fragile she can be and how brilliant she is.

"That's a great idea." I tell her.

She looks at me and smiles. I'm glad she's smiling again, which reminds me ...

"Hey, you still owe me you know."

Sloan arches her brow and, before she can do anything, I sweep her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Don't even think about it Crosby. Seriously, don't even think about."

She can say that all she wants but I'm going to do it. I turn toward the ocean and run us both in, fully clothed.

* * *

He's a crazy man! As I hang our clothes to dry, that's all I can keep thinking is what a crazy man he is. Of course that led to some fun shower sex when we finally got out of the water and came into the house. It's been a really great day and I'm glad that I stayed home. I love watching Sid skate and he was incredible today, as usual. He's so graceful and powerful on the ice. It's amazing how he can be both at the same time. I tried to focus on my work but there were long periods of time when all I could was watch him skate.

I feel Sid's hands come around my waist and he pulls me flush against his body.

"I'm so glad you liked my ideas."

He's so cheesy.

"I usually like your ideas Sid but today you had some especially good ones. I didn't necessarily enjoy the dip in the ocean, fully clothed, but the shower was a lot of fun."

Sid kisses my ear and then neck. I shiver in response.

"I have more ideas if you're interested."

He nuzzles my neck and I very much want to explore these ideas of his but my stomach growls.

"I think I need something to eat so that I'm fortified before we try anymore of your ideas."

"Ok, want to go out or are we cooking something."

"Given that your last time cooking almost set my kitchen on fire, why don't we go out?"

Sid bites my ear lobe.

"Ouch."

"That's what you get for disparaging my food."

"Ha! Your food consists of omelets. They're good omelets but really?"

"Fine. Just for that, you're buying lunch."

"Fine. I'll buy. Let's go to McDonald's."

"Now you're the one being funny."

"Ok, how about vegan?"

"You're really trying to kill me, aren't you?"

"Hahahaha I wouldn't do that to you."

Sid laughs and smacks my ass before walking away. I finish hanging up our wet clothes then meet Sid in front of the house.

"How about that diner?" I ask Sid.

"Sounds good. I loved breakfast."

"Yeah, they do breakfast all day but they also have a lunch and dinner menu too."

I start thinking about our earlier conversation.

"Sid, should we talk to Mario soon? I'll need some time to transition out of my business and pack everything up. We really need to figure this out with my father so that I can start everything. As soon as my clients know that I'm leaving then it will be everywhere. I don't think my father would be happy to hear about this from someone else."

"Yeah, I know. I would also like to go back to Nova Scotia for a while."

He's going to leave?

"Sloan, would you be able to take some time before you have to do everything here? I'd really love to go to Nova Scotia. You'll really love it there."

He wants me to go with him? I really want to see his life there. Oh wow, I guess it's our life now.

"Yeah, I can figure it out. I'd love to go home with you."

"One of our homes Sloan. I can't wait for you to see the house and the lake. It's different than the ocean. The ocean is loud and powerful. The lake is peaceful and quiet. You'll really love it."

"Maybe we can go for a week or so and then I can come back her and do everything I need to do. I'll probably need to go to Pittsburgh before you guys do to set things up for the season."

"I hadn't thought about that but I guess you will. I'm scheduled to go to Vail before training camp but I can probably go early too."

I guess we will have some time apart when he needs to train or has other obligations. During the season, we'll be together all the time because I'll travel with the team but outside of the season we may be apart.

"What are you thinking?" Sid asks me. Usually it's the other way around.

"I guess I'm learning about your schedule. Do you usually train across North America in the summer?"

"I usually stay in Nova Scotia for July and part of August. I actually come to LA for part of August and then go to Vail before pre-season. Is that a problem?"

"No, definitely not. I'm thinking things through that's all. We could be together in Nova Scotia and then LA. I'll go to Pittsburgh while you're in Vail. That would definitely work for us."

"We'll make it work for us."

I'm surprised that Sid is being so flexible. I know that he's fanatical about his routine so I didn't think that he would be flexible enough to envelop me into his life this easily. Maybe we're both more willing to make compromises now that we know what it's like to be apart. We'll need that cohesion when we face my father.


	69. Chapter 69

"If Mario thinks that he can smooth the way then we should let him."

"No Sidney, I am not going to let Mario talk to my father like I'm a teenager and he's your dad. We're adults and no matter what an ass my father is, or will be, we're going to face it ourselves. I will not have Mario smack dab in the middle of this nonsense."

The woman is driving me crazy! Ever since we got off the phone with Mario, I've been trying to convince her that we should take Mario up on his offer to talk to her father. Mario thinks that if he talked to Ron then he could offer his support and, as the face of the franchise for the owners, Mario holds a lot of cards when it comes to what happens with the team. Why can't she see that it could help?

"I understand that you don't want to get Mario in the middle, I don't want that either, but he wants it and it could help. They have a really good relationship Sloan. They've had differences in the past but they've always worked it out. It might help.'

She's silent for a few moments and it makes me wonder.

"Sloan, what's the real reason that you don't want Mario to talk to your father?"

She bites her bottom lip and I know that I'm right. There is something else going on here; something she's not telling me.

"Sid, it's just that, well, I've never stood up to my father. I've always either done what he wanted or run away. This, you and me, is too important not to deal with it myself."

Oh. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't that; we're 'too important.' I feel all of my frustration melt away as I see the pleading look in her eyes. She wants me to understand and I do.

"Babe, I just don't want to put you through this, any of this, if it can be avoided. If I thought you wouldn't kill me, I'd talk to your father on my own and straighten this out."

"Good call Crosby, because I would have to kill you."

"I know, so I didn't do it. I guess I think that your father has put you through enough and you should be able to live your life."

"Sidney, my life is with you."

I soften at this too. How can I argue when she tells me that we're too important and her declaration that our lives are together?

"Sid, this is something that I need to do and I know you won't let me do it alone so it's something that we need to do."

"Sure as shit I'm not letting you do it alone!"

She smiles and walks over to where I'm sitting at the kitchen table. I'm surprised when she straddles me and sits in my lap.

"I know you wouldn't and that's just one of the reasons why you are such a good man."

She runs her hands from my shoulders up until she's cupping my cheeks.

"So we do it our way Sid which is together. Why don't I invite him here one evening and we can talk?"

I don't like it and I know that she knows that I don't like it. Looking into her brilliant blue eyes, I know that I'm going to say yes. If I'm demanding that we're a team and do things together then I need to follow through on my end too.

"Ok, fine."

Sloan leans in and kisses me softly. I pull her closer until she's flush against me and my arms completely encircle her. When we pull apart, I rest my forehead on hers and think.

"Sloan let's do this soon, ok? I want to get it over with so that we can enjoy the summer and ramp up for next season. I really want you to come back with me to Nova Scotia and spend time with my family and friends there. It's starting to feel like we're waiting for our life to begin."

"Sid, we've been back together for four days now. How does that feel like waiting?"

I guess she's right but "it was weeks and weeks before that and now I want us to have it all."

She kisses me again then whispers "I have it all, right here."

The love she feels, I feel, washes over me in waves. Sometimes the waves are overwhelming they're so huge. Right now, with Sloan's soft declaration, I feel the waves lightly lapping at me. It's almost like a slow and constant stream of love between us.

"I love you so much Sloan."

Her eyes go gooey again and she says "I love you too Sidney."

I can never get enough of hearing that; never.

"Let's stay in tonight. I don't want to share you with anyone and I know that you have to go to work tomorrow."

"I love that idea. Why don't we go buy some steaks to BBQ?"

No wonder I love this woman.

We head out and I drive to Whole Foods. One of the things that I love about being in LA is that I'm not famous here. I can go anywhere and maybe one person recognizes me every other day when I'm not at the rink. It's great. Inside the store, we debate over fruits, vegetables and the steaks. Sloan wants to buy dessert but I'm definitely in training mode and need to be judicious with my diet. During the season, I'm able to cheat more because we play so much; but, off season, I need to be much more careful. After shopping, we head home and start preparing dinner. Sloan has me chopping and peeling and basically doing whatever she tells me to do. I may not be able to cook but I do follow directions very well. Sloan marinates the steaks and as I'm finishing so is she.

"Looks like we're ready" I tell her.

She looks odd for a moment and then chews on her bottom lip.

"What's wrong babe?"

"I agree with you."

Confused I ask "that's good but about what?"

"I'm going to call my father's assistant right now and ask him to come over tomorrow night."

I'm surprised but happy that she agrees.

"Ok, I think that's a good idea."

She nods and picks her phone up. I see her tense shortly after she's dialed the number.

"Dad, hi, it's Sloan."

Oh fuck, she got her father instead of the assistant.

"I'm well, and you?"

More silence and it stretches longer and longer. I pick up Sloan's hand and hold it in both of mine. She squeezes like she'll never let go.

"That's great dad."

Fucking more silence.

"Yeah, I've been super busy getting back into the business and we signed a few new clients. Anyway, I"

Ron must have cut her off before she could continue. She has a pained look on her face now. I kiss her hand and am rewarded with a half-smile.

"Yeah dad I was but it was an accident and I recovered very quickly."

He must be asking about her accidental overdose. I guess they really haven't communicated in any way since that night in Pittsburgh. I can't help thinking how hard it must be not to have the unconditional love of a parent and, the only parent who gives half a shit about you, is mean and derisive.

"Well, before you go, I called to ask you to come over tomorrow evening."

Silence again.

"Oh, well, how about tonight then?"

Sloan looks at me with an apology in her eyes.

"It's important. Actually, um, Sidney is here and we would both like to talk to you."

Now she's biting her bottom lip and stone still. Then there's panic on her face.

"Ok, see you in an hour."

I'm sure panic is on my face now too. After she hangs up her phone, she turns to me.

"He's flying out tomorrow for New York and then Miami. We wouldn't see him for a few weeks so he's coming now and will be here in an hour."

She looks around at all of the food out and then down at herself. I make a very quick decision.

"Sloan, you go get changed and do whatever you need to do. I'll put all of the food in the fridge so that it's ready for us later. Ok?"

Relief comes into her eyes and she says "I love you so much Sidney." Then she launches herself into my arms for the briefest of searing kisses before she's running out of the room.

I put all of the food into containers and into the fridge. It makes me wonder if we should have something to eat when Ron is here. I grab the veggie dish I made up for us, add some dip and put it on the kitchen table. In my family, the family meetings were always at the kitchen table. They were usually about me and hockey but everyone, even Taylor, was involved because it affected the whole family. I also get one of the pitchers that Sloan uses and fill it with water then add lemon slices. After setting that on the table, with glasses and plates, I turn to get changed myself.

When I pass Sloan's room, I see her sitting on the bed crying. I immediately go to her and wrap my arms around her.

"Baby, what's going on?"

She doesn't respond to me right away but crawls onto my lap. Instead she burrows her face into my chest and clings to me. She might not be talking but at least she's turned to me rather than away and I'm convinced that we can face anything together. She begins to slow her breathing as I stroke her back. Sloan tilts her face up to mine and I kiss one cheek and then the other; both wet with her tears.

"What's wrong Sloan?"

"Sorry. I just had a horrible panic attack. I can't forget that last night in Pittsburgh when we were in my office and my father was berating me. You heard him and left. I don't want that to happen again; ever."

"Well, if we've been honest with each other than it won't happen. He has no more power over you Sloan; none at all. He doesn't completely control the Pens organization so he can't make his own pronouncements there. I know everything about you and you know everything about me. We hold all of the cards babe. It's just good karma to talk to your father before going back to the Pens. It will be easier if he agrees but it doesn't change anything if he doesn't."

She looks doubtful for a moment and then gives me a small smile.

"Ok, you're right of course. Let me get changed and cleaned up and then I'll meet you in the kitchen."

I kiss her cheek and we both stand. Before I can get to the door, Sloan asks me "Sid, would you move your things in here tonight?"

She wants us to share a room. Yep, we're definitely back together.

"Of course I will."

She smiles and heads into the bathroom. After I change, I go back to the kitchen and make sure that everything is set up. Shortly, Sloan comes out in a casual dress with her hair loose the way I love it. She is so beautiful. It takes my breath away.

"You are so beautiful."

She stops and looks at me, startled, and then a shy smile begins. I can't help myself so I go to her and take her in my arms. After a slow, sweet, deep kiss, I finally release her. I do cup her cheeks so she stays close.

"No matter what happens Sloan, remember that I love you, we are and always will be together and your father doesn't run the whole world. While we kept Mario out of it so far, we can and will bring him into it if we can't talk some sense into Ron. You got that?"

She touches her lips lightly then whispers "yes sir."

A sly smile comes over her face, which I answer, but both disappear when the door rings. Sloan turns to answer it but I hold her to me.

"You're not alone in this Sloan. Let me get the door."

She bites her lip but nods so I go to let Ron in. When I open the door, you can tell that he was expecting his daughter to let him in. He quickly hides his startled look.

"Sid, how are you? Are you training out here?"

I move back to let him in and then lead him down the hall.

"No, although I did have my equipment sent out so that I can skate. I came to be with Sloan."

I deliberately played down training and focused on being here with Sloan. Ron needs to know right up front that he isn't only dealing with his daughter anymore. We are a unit and he needs to deal with me too if he wants to address his daughter about our relationship. I touch Ron's arm before he can move further down the hall.

"Ron, I know everything now. Sloan has told me everything about her life and she knows everything about mine. We are back together and intend to have a future. You need to get on board with it or leave it alone. It's your choice."

I don't wait for his response. Instead, I walk ahead of him and into the kitchen. I take Sloan's hand in mine and we both turn to Ron as he comes through the doorway.

"Hello Sloan, you look well."

She only nods to him and I feel her hand tighten in mine. Part of me is happy that she's relying on me and part of me is hoping that she can stand up to her father. I really think she needs this to heal.

"Why don't we all sit down?" I gesture to the table as I say this and everyone sits.

Sloan goes about pouring water for everyone before she sits beside me. I take her hand again and try to figure out how to start.

"How have you been Sid? Working out and getting ready for the season?"

So he wants small talk first.

"Yeah, I worked with Nathan McKinnon and my trainer for a few weeks in PEI. I'm going to go back to Nova Scotia and a few guys are coming in to train. Of course I'll do Vail again before training camp."

Ron nods and I wonder how to begin what we really need to talk about. Sloan has been silent so I guess I'm going to have to bring it up.

"Ron" I begin.

"I'm going back to Pittsburgh."

Sloan and I speak at the same time. I pause to let her continue.

"I'm going to be a silent partner in the LA business and I'm moving to Nova Scotia for the summer and then Pittsburgh for the season. I am hoping to have my job back as head of Communications; but, even if you won't hire me back, I'm going to be in Pittsburgh and I'm going to be with Sidney."

At the end of her speech, she finally looks up at Ron and there is a 'dare me' look on her face. Good girl.

Ron takes a breath and says "I think you know how I feel about this Sloan. You've already proven that you can't handle dating someone you work with and it will be even more volatile with the face of the franchise."

Before Sloan can reply, I have to jump in. "This isn't the first time that you've compared me to that asshole that beat your daughter within an inch of her life and tortured her for a year. I will not allow you to compare what Sloan and I have with that abomination anymore."

Ron looks startled by my comments but he recovers quickly.

"Sid, look, I don't know what Sloan told you but there was a reason for whatever went on between her and" I give him a dirty look so he stops talking.

"I know the truth Ron. I've seen the police records and not statements but the actual pictures and records of her medical history. Every expert who examined those records said that her body shows the effects of long term physical and sexual abuse. I only wanted to see the police records to know that the asshole was away for the rest of his life. I didn't need to see anything else even though it was there. Sloan told me everything and I believe her. I also see your hand in what happened so you will want to tread very lightly on this topic."

Ron keeps a neutral expression on his face which I expected. He's been in business too long and is too good at it to give anything away. When I look at Sloan, she looks surprised and I remember that I never told her that I asked Pat to find the records on the last 'incident.' I never doubted that she was telling me the truth. I wanted to make sure that he was behind bars and would stay there for a very long time.

"Putting that aside Sidney, I do not believe that it is in the best interest of the team for you and Sloan to be together. There is a conflict if she were employed by the organization. Other players may feel that she plays favourites and then we'll have contract issues."

I'm about to tell him how preposterous that sounds when Sloan starts laughing. It starts like a cough but soon after she's laughing so hard that she can't talk. Ron looks pissed but I just feel incredulous.

"Sssorry" she says and tries to stop laughing. She succeeds finally and says "really father? You think that Sidney's team mates will think that I'll play favourites. First of all, if you've known Sid for two minutes then you know he'd rather walk through glass than get preferential treatment ahead of the other players. Second, are you really that stupid not to realize that everyone knew we were together last season? God, Pascal and Paul had to wear ear plugs a few times on the road because we were so loud!"

She's laughing again and I can see Ron is pissed. Has she completely lost her mind or has she finally had enough of his shit? I suspect it's a little bit of both in this situation but I love that she's no longer scared or intimidated by Ron. I don't know that throwing sex in his face was the right way to go about it but she's right. None of the guys gave a shit that we were together. In fact, most were happy for me and really like Sloan. I'm concerned that Ron has been quiet so long now. He may not have a secret to hold over Sloan but he is a very powerful man and can make our being together difficult. It's not good for the team or the entire organization if the owners are fighting and Mario will get into it if Ron tries something. How the fuck are we going to get out of this now?


	70. Chapter 70

I probably shouldn't, but I take great satisfaction seeing surprise quickly flash over my father's face. He didn't realize that the players knew Sidney and I were together during the season. There is nothing that I have to fear from my father anymore. Sid and I are together and we are stronger than ever. It doesn't matter what my father says or does. He can make things difficult for us but he can't keep us away from each other ever again. Even though that makes me feel like Juliet, I decide it's time to say just that to him.

"The players are fine with Sidney and I being together; in fact, they are very supportive and happy for us. There is no drama, no problems and definitely no worrying about preferential treatment. It's done father. It's done."

"It's done when I say it's done little girl. Have you given any thought to what the press is going to say about a relationship between you two? What are they going to say about your past? Who knows how they'll spin things."

I can tell that Sid doesn't understand but I do. My father will make sure that the press hears about my past or whatever version he decides to tell them. Sid looks confused because he doesn't get it. I do and it's the first thing that has concerned me since we started talking.

My father continues "it's interesting that Mike is trying to have his conviction overturned. What do you think would happen if he was able to garner the resources to fight the conviction and free himself?"

What!? What does he mean that Mike might fight the conviction? It was a plea bargain for less time so that I didn't have to go through the trial. How could he now fight it? I look into my father's eyes and I know exactly how Mike could fight it; with my father's money. Why does he have to be right at all costs? Win at all costs? Why did I think that we could have a conversation and everything would be ok? I don't know that I've ever been this naïve in my life. I should have known better.

I'm terrified now. The only thing I've never worried about could happen: he could get out of jail! My father has the money and the contacts to make that happen.

"What does that matter?"

Stunned, I turn to Sidney. What does he mean that it doesn't matter? I look at my father and he's surprised too. Before either of us can say anything, Sid continues.

"What does it matter if he gets out of prison? It would definitely be an injustice; but, it has no effect on our life. It's in Sloan's past and has no effect on our future. Help him get out of prison or not, it doesn't matter to us Ron."

I'm still stunned but slowly what Sid has said seeps in. He isn't wrong. What does it matter if Mike gets out of prison? I agree that the injustice of it would really bother me; but, I have nothing to be afraid of anymore. Sidney loves me and will protect me from anything. I'm also not the same person I was all those years ago.

"Sidney's right father. Whether Mike is in prison or not has no effect on our life. It's behind us, behind me, and firmly in the past."

I take Sid's hand in mine and smile at him. He looks quizzical at first and then smiles back at me.

"So you think you have it all figured out, don't you little girl?"

Looking back at my father, I can see the anger building in him. Maybe we should have been more circumspect when we spoke. It seems we've been more antagonistic than we should have been.

"Ron, we need to figure this out. Next season, Sloan is coming back to Pittsburgh with me. It would be best if she was able to go back to her old job. She was good at it; better than anyone before her. It makes good business sense and it works for us personally too. If you can't be happy for us then at least let us be happy."

I appreciate Sid's words but now he's being naïve if he thinks that my father is going to agree simply because Sid asks him too. Or maybe Sid is being his Canadian, polite self. We both look at my father and wait for his response.

"That's what you want Crosby? You want me to leave you both alone? Fine, you can have it. This is the last time you'll have to see me outside of business. We're done."

My father stands, pauses a moment, then turns and leaves the room. A few moments later, we hear the door close softly. Is that it? Am I really out from under his control? I look at Sid and he looks as surprised as I am right now.

"Is that it?" Sid asks me.

"I don't know. Do you think it could be?"

"He's your father babe. What do your instincts tell you? You've been right about him all along."

"Hmm, it feels like this is it. You know, he probably thinks that cutting me out of his life is a punishment to me so he feels that he won. Although, I won't be confident about my job with the Pens until I'm actually back in it."

"I understand babe." Sid strokes my cheek as he says this and I turn my face so that I can kiss his palm.

Before I can say more, Sid's stomach grumbles and we both laugh.

"Come on Sid, let's feed you."

We both get up and, before I can move, Sid envelops me in his arms. We hold each other close and take in the moment. I breathe in Sid's unique scent and it both comforts and excites me. Turning my face, I find his neck and leave soft kisses at the edge of where his tee shirt meets his neck. Sid tilts and gives me better access. I trail kisses up his neck, over his jaw until I find his lips with mine. I suck his bottom lip with both of mine and feel his fingers lightly press into my waist to pull me closer.

I change the angle and kiss Sid's lips with more pressure. Sliding my tongue through his lips and then over has him pulling me even closer. He rocks against me and I can feel my hips respond. We aren't eating any time soon; at least not dinner. Sidney's hands slide down to my ass and he pulls me up slightly so that our hips are aligned. I can feel that he's growing hard. He stoops down a bit and pulls me up so that my legs wrap around him. Sid walks us to my bedroom while I continue to kiss and lick his neck. I can feel him shiver when I get to his ear lobe and take it between my lips. I take a nip with my teeth and Sid groans. I love that sound and feel it straight to my core.

Sid sits down on my bed while I'm still wrapped around him. I move my lips to his and take the kiss deep. When Sid groans again, my hips begin to grind against his erection which is still growing. That gives me an idea. I pull back from Sid and slide off of his lap until I'm kneeling between his legs. First, I pull his shirt over his head and run my hands over his shoulders, chest and stomach. I feel Sid suck in his breath when I trace my fingertips over his stomach muscles. I smile up at him as I unzip his pants. His erection is stretching his shorts and I cover it with my hand. I stroke him and feel it grow. Sid cups my cheek with his hand and I lean up to kiss him. It's a searing, deep kiss and I pull away trying to catch my breath. When I do, I trail kisses down his neck, chest, and stomach until I reach my goal. I pull his shorts down and he springs free. Gripping the shaft in my hand, I flick my tongue over the tip a few times and hear Sid groan deep and long. Encouraged, I take the tip in my mouth and run my tongue around and around. I'm surprised when he grows even larger in my mouth. I feel Sid's hand slide into my hair and wrap it around his hand. I know he loves to watch me, so I tilt my head to the side slightly so that he can see better.

As I take him all the way in my mouth, Sid's hand tightens in my hair and he groans again. I speed up both my tongue and lips and Sid's fingers dig into my scalp. I continue my ministrations until I feel his body tighten for a moment before his orgasm takes over him. I sit back on my heels and watch Sid fall back onto the bed with a big smile on his face. I chuckle and climb up onto the bed beside him.

"Give me a minute babe and I'll return the favour."

"You need a minute? What kind of pro athlete are you? You play hockey, you shouldn't need that much time to recover."

Before I can react, Sid flips me, moves over me and takes my lips with his. I guess he's rethought the need to recover. His hands pull up the hem of my dress until he finds my panties and pulls them down. He pushes my dress up farther and shifts away slightly so that he can pull it over my head. Sid shifts to his side and runs his hand up and down my body. His fingers dip into every curve and skim lightly over my exposed skin. I shiver in anticipation and his hand moves between my legs. First he plays over my thighs and nudges them open to him. Next, his fingers dip between my folds and slide inside me. I started getting wet with his kisses in the kitchen so they slip in easily now. I can't help the moan that escapes me when his fingers swirl around.

"You are so fucking hot. I love the noises you make when I touch you."

I feel Sid's breath on my ear as he whispers. His finger slide in further and he's so close to that spot but he won't move further.

"Sidney, please" I beg him.

"Please what babe?"

I tilt my hips to try and draw him in deeper but he holds me where I am.

"Nope, not yet babe. I'm still waiting for you to tell me?"

I try to speak but can only moan again when Sid's lips close over my nipple. He tugs and sucks and I moan long and loud.

"Come on Sloan, I'm still waiting to hear what you want."

His fingers hold still inside of me and I feel his breath on my ear again.

"Sidney, please, touch me deeper" I cry out.

Sid rewards me by sliding his fingers deeper until he finds that spot. I come off the bed and into his hand. His lips take my nipple again and I feel my entire body shiver everywhere. Sid shifts slightly and his thumb presses on my clit while his fingers press again. My orgasm overtakes me fast and completely.

When I'm able, I open my eyes and Sid is nuzzling my neck. He licks and kisses my neck and I know we're not done. I reach down and feel that Sid is definitely not done. I stroke him very slowly and feel him come back to life. He groans into my neck then takes a nip at my ear.

"You know that you have me in hand, don't you? Now it's literally but it's always figuratively. Sloan, you always hold me in your hand; my heart most of all."

Sid leans back so that he can look into my eyes. I see the love in his eyes and my heart melts. I love the sexy talking Sid but this Sid, the loving and romantic Sid, simply brings me the greatest joy I've ever known.

"I love you Sidney; more than I think I can ever show you in a lifetime."

His beautiful lips curve before he leans in to touch mine. I take his cheeks in my hands as he pulls back.

"I truly love you more than I ever thought possible to love a man."

"You overwhelm me Sloan; every day and in every way."

I pull his lips down to mine and take the kiss deeper. I love the feeling of his body sliding over mine now. The steady pressure as he pushes me into the mattress and the feeling as he gently pushes between my thighs. He buries his face in my neck again and I have to sigh as he leaves soft, sweet kisses over my neck and shoulder. I take his cheek in my hand and guide his face so that I can look into his eyes. Our eyes lock and I reach down to guide him into me. He slowly pushes until he fills me completely. We begin to move in unison finding the rhythm that is uniquely our own. Our eyes never leave each other. I don't think we've ever been so connected, so completely in sync with our bodies and hearts. We slowly build our speed and I can feel that familiar pressure building. I'm getting closer and closer. When I feel myself about to go over the edge, I nod to Sidney and he speeds up. When my orgasm takes over me, I feel Sidney thrust a few more times before his orgasm washes over him.

Sidney falls to his side taking me with him. We kiss and touch softly. I love these moments. The love I feel radiating between us is beautiful and everlasting. I feel tears fill my eyes.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

I shake my head.

"Nothing is wrong Sidney. Everything feels right; perfect even. I can't possibly express how much I love you right now."

Sid wipes the tears from my cheek and smiles.

"You don't need to baby. I feel it too. We're free of everything now and ready for the rest of our lives. I have really poor timing because I'm being totally spontaneous; but, how soon can we get married?"

Married?! I guess Sid can see the shock on my face because he immediately looks worried.

"Ok, too soon I guess. We can wait." He stammers a bit. I put my finger to his lips.

"Shush" I tell him. I was surprised, shocked even, but very, very happy. I want nothing more than to be your wife and make a life together."

The wariness leaves his eyes and he gets that huge little-boy grin on his face. He looks so happy.

"Were you worried that I wasn't going to say yes?"

Sid smiles shyly and replies "I wasn't until you looked surprised that I mentioned it. That's when I started getting worried."

I kiss his lips softly.

"Sid, you surprised me, for sure, but because you brought it up now, in bed and we haven't been back together for very long. That's what surprised me. All that said, it's the perfect time to discuss our future. You tell me when and where and I'll be there."

His eyes open wide and his mouth hangs open. He doesn't say anything.

"Sid, if you wanted to go to Vegas today and get married, I would. There is no doubt in my mind that we're going to be together forever and our forever has already started. Whenever you want to make it official, I'm ready."

I've barely finished my last word when Sid's lips were on mine. I pour everything into my kiss. He pulls back and there's that gorgeous, little boy grin on his face again.

"I love you so much Sloan. What do you think of having a small wedding with just family? My parents, Taylor, Jeffery and his husband. "

I think about it and there's only one question.

"Don't you want Mario there too?"

He frowns and I'm wondering why.

"Tell me Sid. What's up?"

"I definitely would like Mario and Nathalie there but"

Sid pauses so I say "go ahead Sid."

"Ok, it just seems like there's going to be more people from my life than yours."

Aw, this man is too sweet.

"Well, Sid, Mario is really there for both of us. I've known him longer than you have you know."

He thinks about that for a moment and smiles.

"Ok, that makes sense."

I'm going to respond when Sid's stomach growls.

"I think your stomach has ideas of what to do next."

He laughs and grabs me before I can jump out of bed.

"Sid, seriously, I'm starving too."

I manage to wiggle away and go to the closet for my robe.

"No" Sid says from the bed.

I look back at him."

"No what?"

"No robe."

"I'm not cooking naked Sidney."

He thinks for a moment and then smiles.

"Ok then, underwear."

I consider it and then go to my dresser and pull out a sports bra and shorts.

"No, fancy bra and those other short things."

I go into another drawer and pull out a shear red bra and the boy shorts. Sid watches me get dressed and then turn to him.

"Holy shit, how come I've never seen that bra before? It is completely see through. How will I be able to eat?"

"You can always eat Sid. Now, throw on a pair of shorts, and only shorts, then we'll get some food baby."

* * *

Watching Sloan cook dinner almost naked made it hard to think of anything else; very hard. We made dinner together and I managed to keep it together to eat it but that's it. When Sloan stood to pick up our dishes that was as far as I could hold it together. I picked her up, threw her over my shoulder and got as far as the couch before I had to have her.

Now, as we sit out back by a bonfire and watch the dark ocean, I have everything I need in my arms. Sloan snuggles into my arms. I take a deep breath and smell her shampoo and perfume. Her breasts press against my arm and her head fits under my chin.

"I can't think of a more perfect moment."

I smile because I was thinking the exact same thing only Sloan voiced it first.

"Yeah, it really is. I love these quiet moments with you. I never realized how perfectly you fit; in my arms, in my life, in every way."

Before I loved Sloan, I would have thought these sentiments cheesy and definitely uncool. Now the words slide between my lips easily and come directly from my heart.

"I know what you mean Sid. When we met, I thought you were hot for sure, but also a kid and easily dismissible. Then we started having sex and I was convinced that you were even hotter than I thought. Moment by moment, you slipped into my heart and awoke a need and love that I didn't think was possible anymore. The ways that you've changed me are immeasurable and I can never, ever pay you back."

"Sloan, you shouldn't think of it that way. There is no payment on either side. We have changed each other, both of us, for the better and in ways that we could never count, never mind worry about payment. All there is between us is love. That's it Sloan, love."

Again I marvel at how this woman makes me feel and how she gets me to express those feelings.

"Oh Sidney" I hear the emotion in her voice and it matches what's in my heart.

"How do you manage to say exactly what's in my heart?"

I chuckle and reply "because it's in my heart too."

She tilts her head up to me and I take her lips lightly with mine. We settle back and I wonder if a more perfect moment exists.

"Ok, this wedding you want Sid, in Nova Scotia I guess."

"If you don't mind, yeah. Orr we could do it here on the beach."

"I didn't say Nova Scotia as a negative thing Sid. I think it should be at your home specifically; not just somewhere in Nova Scotia."

"Yeah, you know, that's a great idea. We could have it at the back under the trees by the lake."

"Wow, that sounds beautiful."

"When we visit, you can see what you think. I'm really looking forward to showing you Cole Harbour. When can we go?"

"Why don't we look for a flight in tomorrow? We can spend a week together there. I'll need to come back here for work and packing up for Pittsburgh. I should be able to join you again in a few weeks."

"I could come back with you to LA."

"Don't you need to train in Nova Scotia?"

I think about it and she's right. As much as I want to follow her back I know that I have obligations and it won't take long before she's back with me. We'll also have the next week together at home too.

"Sid, don't you need to train in Nova Scotia?"

"Yeah, I do. We've already arranged for Andy and some of the guys to come out east for a few weeks."

"We'll figure everything out Sid."

"Yeah, we will. Come on, let's go to bed."

I help Sloan get up and then follow her. We're both exhausted, it's been a very emotion filled day. I think it's a relief that this day is over and we're done with all of our major challenges. I don't think of having children as a challenge. One way or another we'll have kids, I'm sure of it, so it's not even going to count it as a challenge. We'll figure it out.

I automatically follow her into her bedroom forgetting that my stuff is in the guest bathroom so I head back that way. As I'm brushing my teeth Sloan appears at the door.

"Sid, this might seem silly since we could be leaving in a day or two but, um."

She stops now and looks unsure of herself. It takes me a few moments to figure out what she's getting at.

"Why don't I move my stuff into the en suite bathroom?" I ask her.

Sloan looks relieved, bites her lip and nods before heading back out the hall. It feels good to know that she wants me with her in every way including sharing a bathroom. We're not 'playing house' anymore. We are living together, whether it's LA, Pittsburgh or Cole Harbour, we're together now. I smile at the thought as I enter the bedroom.

"What are you smiling about?"

I turn at her question and watch her change into my Pens tee shirt.

"I'm happy."

Her eyes melt and she throws herself into my arms and hugs me tight. Sloan's always be free with her feelings sexually; but, I love this new Sloan who is free with all of her emotions. It's hard to keep up sometimes but I'm definitely not complaining.

"I love you so much Sidney."

I let her love wash over me. When did I become such a marshmallow? I lift her in my arms, kiss her cheek and throw her on the bed.

"You wore me out woman. Let me get some sleep and then I'll be ready again in the morning."

Sloan's laughter follows me after I pick up my shaving kit and head into the bathroom.


	71. Chapter 71

_**Thank you for the kind notes. It's been a very difficult few weeks and won't be letting up soon. I hope to update once or twice a week; sometimes it helps to dive into the story.**_

* * *

Nova Scotia is exactly as Sidney promised; it's green and lush. The ocean is very different than the west coast but still has the same power. When we were out east when his Nana died, we were in PEI and only for a few days, so I didn't really get to see this part of Canada closely. As we drive to Sid's home now, he points out some of the landmarks: where he went to elementary school, the rink where he first put on skates and then his childhood home where his parents still live. He drives by the house.

"Sid, aren't we going to stop to see your parents?"

"We'll go there for dinner tonight, if you're ok with that?"

"Of course I'm ok with that. It will be nice to see them again. Is Taylor home?"

"No, she's at hockey camp but she'll be back before you have to leave for LA. I told my folks we would have the family dinner tonight and then we want to take the day for ourselves tomorrow."

"Were they ok with that Sid?"

"Actually, mom asked if I was sure that I wanted to come to dinner tonight."

"Awe, that's really, very sweet of her to ask. I'm looking forward to seeing them. Are they ok, with everything?"

Sid frowns and I know that he doesn't know what I mean.

"Sid, are they ok with me? You've forgiven me but have they?"

He picks up my hand with his free one and kisses it.

"Sloan, there's nothing to forgive. Mom and dad love you and they've really missed you. Remember, it was my mom who poked me in the ass to go see you."

I'm relieved. I was worried about what they might think of me after everything.

"I know that we talked about a small wedding Sloan and who would come. My mom asked me about details and, I hope you don't mind, I told her to talk to you about it. I would be happy in shorts and a tee shirt with a BBQ."

"Shorts and a tee shirt are not happening Sid. I do like the idea of casual though, both ceremony and food. I love that I'm part of a family like yours and I'd love to make it a real family event."

I look over at Sid as I say this and he smiles; looks like we're on the same page about our wedding.

"I can work with your mom on this, no problem."

Sid drives up to a gate and punches in a code.

"I had to put the gate in shortly after moving in. The locals don't bother me but sometimes there are tourists. No one was destructive but they actually came to the door and asked for autographs."

"Canadian fans are so much more polite than Americans. They actually rang the bell?"

Sid chuckles and says "yeah."

I'm distracted when we pull up to the house. It's beautiful and exactly perfect for Sidney; very traditional but stylish too.

We get out of the truck and Sid gets our luggage out while I walk toward the house. Suddenly, I hear barking and the golden retriever is running at me.

"Sam!" Sid shouts and the dog stops dead in front of me before he can jump up. He looks at Sid and then me, panting and clearly excited. Lifting a paw, he looks expectantly at me so I crouch down and shake his paw. I'm rewarded by a lick on my cheek.

"Jeez Sam!"

"It's ok Sid. He's quite friendly."

"She actually. Yeah, she's sometimes too friendly."

"I forgot you had a dog. She's beautiful."

Sam must know that I'm complimenting her because she runs her head under my chin and nuzzles a bit. I can't help but throw my arms around her. Sam is so sweet.

"Awe, my two best girls."

We both look up at Sid.

"Did you just compare me to your dog?"

Sid laughs and replies "in the best possible way."

I chuckle, lucky for him, he's cute too.

I follow Sid to the front door and enter when he holds it open for me. Sam slips by me clearly comfortable and knowing exactly where she's going. The room is beautiful. Sid's kept it open concept and it's a huge room. The kitchen is gorgeous, the family room area is huge and warm and the windows to the backyard make up the whole wall. I head directly to the windows and, through the trees, I catch a glimpse of the lake. I don't even think about it, I open the glass doors and walk out to the backyard. It's gorgeous and the lake draws me in. I walk down the slope to the dock and then to the edge.

"It's the main reason I bought the property" I hear Sid say behind me.

"It's breathtaking Sidney. We definitely need to have the wedding out here."

I turn to Sid and he's grinning. That's when I make the decision.

"Sid, let's do it this week."

His eyes pop open, wide open, and then his mouth does too.

"I'm serious Sid. I don't want to wait another moment to be married to you."

His mouth finally closes and he simply says "ok."

I launch myself into his arms and he easily catches me. We're getting married!

* * *

My parents were surprised when we told them that we were getting married this week. It didn't take long for mom to get organized. She and Sloan were spread out across the kitchen table so dad and I left them to it. Now, we're sitting on the deck and enjoying the evening leaving Sloan and mom with the wedding details inside.

"When are Andy and the guys arriving for training?" dad asks me.

"Next week, which is why this week is perfect for the wedding?"

"Are you going to take a honeymoon?"

"We're going to take a few days when I go to LA to train."

"Are you sure that you guys don't want to take more or go somewhere special?"

"Yeah, all we want is to lock ourselves in Sloan's home for a few days and turn every electronic device off."

Dad laughs and says "sounds like a good plan son."

I laugh too. We both turn when mom and Sloan join us on the deck. Mom sits beside dad and Sloan stands beside me so I pull her down on my lap where she curls into my arms.

"We're all planned Sidney. In two days you'll be married" mom tells me.

I look at Sloan and she nods. Wow, they did it.

"That's great babe. We'll be married in two days. Wow."

"You're not getting cold feet on me Crosby?"

"No, of course not. I think if you and mom put your minds to it, you could solve world peace."

We all laugh.

"No. Seriously, you guys are incredible. Two hours and you got it done."

"We got the planning done Sid. There's a lot to do tomorrow. I have your list ready."

I guess I don't get off that easily; but, I wonder how elaborate this thing is going to be.

"Babe, you've kept it simple, right?"

Sloan and my mom exchange looks and that has me worried.

"Sloan?"

She looks sheepish and says "well, it's going to be simple-ish."

"What does simple-ish mean?"

"Sid we're only having your parents, sister, Mario, Nathalie, Jeffery and his husband."

Ok, so far so good but now Sloan's cheeks have turned pink. I'm not going to like the rest.

"Well, it isn't going to be just a BBQ Sid. We're getting married and only doing this once so there will be some traditional elements."

She's being evasive and now I'm really worried.

"Seriously Sloan, what have you guys done?"

"Ok, Sid, it's not a BBQ but it's not tuxes and poofy dresses either. We thought about suits."

I have to wear a suit? I don't want to wear a suit. I thought we could get away from that having a back yard wedding.

"Is that a problem?"

I don't know what to say. She seems so happy with the plans that she made but, well, it's my wedding too. Ok, here goes.

"I know we aren't doing a hamburger and hot dog BBQ but I was hoping for more casual."

Now I hold my breath and wait to see what she thinks. I guess this is part of the problem when you haven't been together that long. We haven't had a lot of conversation about what we want in our wedding.

"Ok Sid, let's talk about this. I really don't want shorts and tee shirts and, before you suggest it, no collared tee shirts either."

I see her point and want to give her what she wants. How are we going to do this so that we both get what we want?

"Oh Sid, I have an idea. Why don't we do linen? Slacks, shirts? It's casual and comfortable but also looks dressed with a purpose. What do you think?"

I think about it and that might work; pants and shirts are comfortable. It's sort of like getting married on a beach only we have a lake.

"What would you do for a dress?"

"I have one coming that would work with this theme. We can do more casual flowers, less lilies and roses, and it will fulfill what we want."

I think about it for a moment and, while it's not what I had in mind, it sounds like a good compromise. But there's one problem.

"Sloan, I like the idea but I can't just buy something off the rack for pants."

Sloan frowns and mom says "I thought of that when you were going to wear a suit. I thought you'd want a new one so I sent a message to Sarah to ask if she can fit it in. Sloan, she makes Sid's jeans and some of his other pants."

"Ok, that works. Dad, what do you think of the whole idea?"

I look back at my parents and they're holding hands as they sit beside each other. It makes me smile. I can see Sloan and me sitting just like that years from now. It's really sweet.

"Sidney?"

My mom startles me and I realize that she's said something that I didn't hear.

"Sorry mom, I missed what you said."

"Your father likes it and I said that is a great compromise. I've seen a picture of Sloan's dress and I think it will be perfect."

We talk some more about the details and I'm even more impressed with how much Sloan and mom got done. They've even created lists for both dad and I of everything that we need to do too.

Knowing that the next day is going to be incredibly busy, we leave my parents and go home where Sam greets us at the door. I head directly to the back door to let Sam out to do her business and stay to watch the sun disappear over the lake. I feel Sloan's arms wrap around me and she presses her cheek between my shoulder blades.

"You can't see the sunset from back there" I tell her.

"Maybe not, but I'm quite comfortable."

"Come here" I tell her and pull her to my side so that we can both watch the sunset and I can wrap my arm around her too. As I look over the lake and hear birds and crickets, it makes me wonder.

"Sloan, are you sure that a small and somewhat hurried wedding is what you really want?"

She tilts her face up to me and leans up to kiss me.

"Sid, I don't want something big and elaborate. To be honest, I'd really only fill it up with clients, business partners and a few extra friends."

Shit. Fuck. I forgot that she wouldn't be inviting her family.

"Sorry" I tell her.

"Sid, it's ok. I guess I need to realize that I'll never have the relationship with my family that I really want. With everything that's happened with my brother and father, I know that I don't want a relationship with them. Having a small wedding is perfect. Crap! What about Taylor?!"

Shit I didn't think of her. I grab my phone and dial Tay but Sloan grabs the phone before I can even hear it ring.

"Tay, it's Sloan. I'm using Sid's phone."

She's silent for a few moments.

"Listen Tay, when are you done at camp?"

A few more seconds go by.

"Would you mind leaving a little early on the last day? Sid and I have decided to get married in two days."

Sloan needs to pull the phone away from her ear while Taylor screams into it.

"Seriously, Tay, calm down. You can't tell anyone, ok?"

Sloan listens and I can't hear Taylor so she must have stopped screaming.

"Ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye."

Sloan hangs up.

"Didn't she want to talk to me?" I'm her brother after all.

"Sorry Sid, a few of the girls came in the room so she had to hang up."

I guess that could have happened although I'm disappointed because I wanted to talk to Taylor myself. I turn us and we head back into the house. When we get up to the master bedroom, Sloan looks around.

"It's gorgeous Sidney. I love it."

My heart warms. I didn't realize how much I wanted Sloan to love it here in Nova Scotia; but, it makes sense. This place is a huge part of who I am so it's very important to me.

We both unpack first. I love that she's as neurotic about tidiness and organization as I am. It doesn't take us long and I'm relaxing in bed before long while Sloan is having a shower. Wow, in two days we'll be married. For the first time I feel uneasiness settle over me. I've been so focused on talking about our future together that it didn't penetrate that this is happening now. Oh my God, I'm going to be married in two days. I'm going to be a husband and have someone other than myself to worry about. For almost twenty-six years, all I've focused on is hockey. My family has been important, of course, but hockey has been first and then all else came after it. How am I going to manage giving everything to hockey and Sloan; and then kids? How am I going to manage this and make it work? Oh God, what the hell have I gotten myself into?

* * *

The hot shower does exactly what I needed it to do; I'm getting clean and relaxing. Sidney's home, I guess now it's our home, is beautiful. There are a few things that I'd like to change and add a woman's touch here and there but I immediately felt, and still feel, comfortable. Wow, it's our house. We're getting married in two days. I instantly feel a shiver run over my body even though the water is still hot. We're getting married in two days. I've been so focused on getting Sidney back and making sure that he believes how much I love him that I didn't think further than that; even when I suggested today that we do it this week, I still didn't really think about it. I wonder if Sid is having any doubts. If I told him about mine, would he think that I don't love him? Would he think that I'm lying about something again? I promised Sid, and myself, that I would always be honest with him but how do you say this to the man you love? How do I tell him that I'm having doubts? Or maybe I'm just overwhelmed. I love Sidney and want to be with him for the rest of my life. It must be just all the details and the amount of work to do before the wedding. I'm sure every bride feels like this; right?

After toweling off, and a quick dry of my hair, I head back into the bedroom and Sid is leaning against the headboard wearing only his shorts. I go to my side of the bed and begin spreading cream over my body. I can feel Sid's eyes on me.

"I can feel you staring at me Sidney."

I can feel him smiling now. When I'm finished with the lotion, I slide under the covers beside Sid and he rolls to me and props himself on an elbow tracing my cheek with his finger.

"You are so beautiful."

I can't help but smile; when he says this, he melts my heart every time. I lean in and kiss his lips softly rubbing my lips slowly over his. I run my hands run up his arms and rest them on his biceps. I continue to kiss his lips lightly just playing with their fullness. I slip my tongue out and trace his lips; first the top and then the bottom. He tastes so good so I suck his bottom lip into my mouth. His tongue darts out now and seeks mine. We play with each other slowly trying to savour every moment. I push the blankets aside and slide my hand from his neck, over his shoulder and down his arm to rest at his waist. Our kisses are becoming more ardent and he nips at my bottom lip now then sooths with his tongue. I love it when he does that to me. I can feel it all the way down to my core. Maybe this is all I need to get over my jitters.

* * *

This feels so good. Maybe this is what I need to get over my cold feet. I slip a knee between Sloan's legs and then my hand under the hem of her tee shirt. Her skin is so warm and soft there. Her hips rotate against my leg and I know she can feel that I'm getting hard. I slide my hand up her body until I reach her breast and my thumb grazes her nipple. That's when her hand lower travels lower until she has me in her hand. I open my mouth but she puts her other hand over it and then kisses her way down my chest and stomach while her hand in my shorts begins to stroke me. Her tongue licks the muscles of my stomach and I feel them contract then goose bumps break out over my body. She pulls my shorts down just before her mouth gets there. Holding the shaft in her hand, she takes the tip of me into her mouth and runs her tongue around and around. Her free hand slips down and gently massages my balls. That alone makes me so hard I feel like I may explode then she opens wide and takes me full into her mouth. She begins to bob up and down with her tongue working every inch. Her hand adds a little more pressure on my balls and I can feel my dick hitting the back of her throat. It's too much now and I say "baby, I'm going to cum" then I do.

When I can think again, I'm really embarrassed. I haven't done that in a very long time. What do I do? Do I apologize? Sloan slides up my body leaving kisses as she goes until her lips reach mine. I can feel her smile and open my eyes to see hers looking at me with mirth. She knows how embarrassed I am but she isn't mad. I guess I'll just have to make it up to her now. I'm near the edge of the bed so I slip off until I'm kneeling on the floor and I grab each of her legs to pull her to the edge. Kneeling on the floor in front of her, I push her legs wide apart for me. I look up at her and she's biting her lip in anticipation. God, she is so hot when she's like this, open and waiting for me. I lean in and she takes her entire lip in her mouth. I lean further and swipe my mouth over her. She throws her head back and moans. My dick begins to wake up again at that sound. I love that sound. I flutter my tongue over her clit and her hips begin to rotate slightly and she moans again. God, that has to be the sexiest sound in the world. I dip my tongue inside her and flutter in and out. Her hips begin to rotate now and she continues to moan. I slip my hand up and over her stomach to her breast. I continue to lick her up while I play with her nipples. She is so incredibly responsive. I move back to her clit and she cries out now. I work her clit faster and faster, I want to see her cum first, and roll her nipple between my thumb and finger. She moans again and again. I keep up until I feel her shutter and taste her. As she rides her orgasm, I lick her up on her thighs and then kiss them lightly over and over. I move up onto the bed beside her and watch her flush face. I run my finger over her lips lightly and she nips at it.

Before I can react, she slides on top of me and straddles me. It's my turn to moan as she runs her hands up and down my chest. I love how her nails feel against my skin and then her hips begin to rotate against mine. She leans down to kiss me and I pull her hard against me. I sweep my tongue through her lips and across hers. We continue to kiss deeply as she now rocks her hips against me. My dick is poised to enter her but she keeps just out reach. I slide my hands up and down her back in time to her rocking. We're so in tune with each other right now. She pulls back slightly and looks right into my eyes as she shifts and slides over me. It's my turn to moan as I enter her and we continue our rhythm. She sits up now and rides me. I put my hand between our bodies and rub at her clit when I know she's close. She shifts slightly and takes me in deeper. I am trying to hold on but can't; oh God, not again. I go over the edge and hope that she's following me. She falls on top of me and I have a last coherent thought that she's gone over too.


	72. Chapter 72

**_Author's Note: thank you for the kind notes and messages. My life is still in upheaval but writing helped this week. I hope you enjoy ..._**

* * *

The day before the wedding was a whirlwind of activity. Sloan and mom gave us our orders and we all got very busy. I had to stop by Sarah's twice for 'fittings' but she was able to get my clothes done on time. I don't know how she managed it but she did. Sarah even shed a few tears as she was pinning my pants. I've known her all my life and she was so happy for me. It was really kind of sweet.

Dad and I were busy with the backyard moving furniture and setting up pots for the flowers. Sloan even gave us a diagram for how we should set everything up. I managed to see Sloan twice during the day. One time she stopped by to see how dad and I were doing with the backyard. The second time was when I was leaving Sarah's and Sloan was arriving to fit her dress. Both were fleeting moments but we made the most of them with quick, soft kisses. We were definitely busy but it didn't feel rushed. It felt, well, right.

Now, we are sitting on the back deck alone, cuddling in front of the fire. Sam has long since gone to sleep in front of us. We seem to both be enjoying the quiet moment we have right now. Taylor arrived in town a couple hours ago and so did Mario and Nathalie; they're all at my parents' house right now. Everyone respected that we wanted some quiet time together tonight. Jeffrey and his husband are flying in early tomorrow morning. Apparently they chartered a plane because they had some 'event' they had to be at tonight. I'm so happy that they are coming for Sloan. They are her family and Jeffrey is going to give her away which has Sloan really excited.

As I sit here with Sloan in my arms, all of my fears and concerns from yesterday seem stupid. How could I doubt that I'm ready? I'm glad I didn't say anything about it. I would definitely have regretted saying that I wasn't ready. I know that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. I wonder if I should tell Sloan. We decided to be honest with each other so, maybe, I should tell her.

"Sloan, I need to tell you something."

I feel her tense in my arms.

"It's not bad babe. It's just, well, yesterday I had some cold feet." I spill it out fast so that I don't back out. "I didn't and don't doubt us it just got, I don't know, huge I guess."

Now I take a deep breath and can only pray that Sloan won't be upset. What I didn't expect was Sloan's laughter? She's actually laughing.

"Ok, what's all the laughing about babe?"

"I'm sorry, it's so weird. Yesterday, I had the exact some thoughts. I know that I want to be your wife and spend the rest of my life with you; but, I felt overwhelmed and had some irrational moments too. I was concerned about telling you because I didn't want you to think that I wasn't ready or doubted anything. After all, I'm the one who wanted to do this right now."

I laugh now because of the irony but then it hits me.

"Were you going to tell me Sloan? I'm the one who brought it up today. Were you going to share your doubts with me?"

She's quiet for a moment and I start getting worried.

"Sid, if I'm honest, I don't know if I was going to tell you but it's not for the reasons that you may think. Yesterday, amid all of my thoughts, was concern that you would think I don't love you or that I wasn't sure. When I woke up this morning, all of those thoughts were gone. I was sure, deep down sure, that this is right and perfect. I decided that it was simply what you said, 'cold feet,' and being overwhelmed with everything we had to do today. It wasn't important anymore so I wasn't going to bring it up. It really left my brain completely this morning."

I mull this over. Was it really so unimportant that she didn't think of it again? I guess that's what I thought too except that I decided to bring it up.

"I didn't want it to be made bigger because of the stress to get the wedding ready Sid. While I didn't give it conscious thought, I probably would have told you at some point."

Maybe Sloan's right and I might have made it into a bigger thing or it might have magnified because of my momentary concerns. Actually, I think the latter is probably true. It does make me happy that she was going to tell me at some point and that her fears also seemed inconsequential today.

"Yeah, ok. I understand Sloan. It probably would have made me a little unnecessarily crazy today. Speaking of today, is there anything last minute that you need done in the morning?"

"No, we're in really good shape. Your mom and Nathalie will be here in the morning and we'll guide the florist and caterer. Taylor is picking up my dress before she comes here. Jeffrey wants to split the day between being with you and then with me."

That's surprises me.

"Why does he want to be with me? He's welcome to, of course, but it seems odd."

"He said that he wants to spend time with us both on our big day. Sid, it's important to him that the two of you are close and he thought that this would be a good way to begin."

"Oh, that's great. He'll have a chance to meet Mario and my dad too." Mario and Jeffrey are staying at a local bed and breakfast we rented for them. We know the owner, who won't say anything about the wedding to anyone.

"He's met Mario, a few times, when he and Nathalie came to town, we all had dinner."

I keep forgetting that Sloan's and my life crossed paths without us knowing each other.

"That's great that they know each other. So we're all ready for tomorrow."

"Yep, although as excited as I am for tomorrow, I really don't want this night to end Sid. It feels perfect."

She's right, it does feel perfect. Oh shit, I've completely forgotten my surprise for Sloan.

"Um, can you shift a bit babe?"

Sloan moves over so I'm able to get off of the bench and kneel in front of her taking Sloan's hand. I watch her eyes widen and it makes me smile.

"We've never done anything conventionally and our engagement has been the same; but, I wanted to do one thing traditionally. Ok, maybe it's a little late, but it's still traditional."

Sloan smiles at me catching on.

"Sloan, I always knew what I wanted for my life. Hockey was a no brainer for me and what I was always going to do and be. A wife and family was also always in my future but I never could picture that part of my life beyond knowing it's what I wanted."

I have to pause for a moment because my voice cracks on the last word. When I'm in control again, I continue.

"Then I met you. Sloan, you are different than anyone I've ever met. Our relationship has been unique from the very beginning. I have come to love you more than I ever thought I could. I can't see my life and future with anyone but you. I'm very honoured that you've agreed to marry me."

I watch Sloan's eyes fill and it almost makes me lose it too. Instead I focus on pulling the box out of my pocket, take a deep breath and pray that I can get through this without breaking down.

"Sloan, you never had the chance to meet my Nana. Everyone described her as feisty and fun. I was always very close to her and she loved to watch me play. She always encouraged me to follow my dream and, while that has always been hockey, I have a new dream. That's a wonderful life with you. It seemed fitting to me that you wear my Nana's ring."

I take it out and hope that Sloan likes it. When I look into her eyes again, the tears are spilling down her cheeks but she's smiling too. I place the ring on her finger and kiss her hand.

When she takes my face in her hands, she says "I love it. Sidney, you have made me happier than I ever thought that I could be in my entire life. I feel safe, I feel hopeful for our future and, most of all, I feel loved."

I'm overwhelmed by her words and can feel my eyes fill too. We kiss and it's the sweetest kiss we've ever shared. We linger and take it deeper.

"Would you guys cut it out already?! I'll be scarred for life."

Sloan and I both look at Taylor standing a few feet away from us. I get up and go over to her for a hug.

"Hey brat, respect your elders eh?!"

Taylor chuckles, hugs me back, and then moves to hug Sloan.

"Sid, it's time for you to go. I'm going to stay here with Sloan."

I look at Sloan and hate that I agreed to stay apart on our wedding night. I know it's traditional but, as I said earlier, since when are we traditional?

"Ok, gives us a minute brat."

Sloan takes my hand when I say it and pulls me through the house. My bag is already packed and at the front door. I turn to Sloan at the same time as she turns to me and we embrace.

"I love my ring. It's perfect."

"I'm so happy you love it. Ever since I knew that I wanted to marry you, I knew that I wanted you to wear Nana's ring. It's classic and traditional but unusual too."

I feel Sloan turn her face into my neck and nuzzle. I hate to leave.

"Ok babe, I need to go."

Even though I've said this, neither of us moves.

"Yeah, I know that you have to leave."

Still, neither of us moves. Sloan kisses my neck a few times and then pulls back. I take her lips with mine for a soft, sweet kiss and then we part.

"I love you" I say while stroking her cheek. She turns in and kisses my hand.

"I love you" Sloan says to me.

I grab my bag and leave before I can change my mind. As I pull away, Sloan is waving at me. This time tomorrow, she'll be my wife; I can't wait.

* * *

The morning has flown by and now I'm standing in the bedroom looking at myself in the mirror. I've achieved exactly what I wanted to with my dress. It's light and airy. The cream colour is perfect with my tan and hair style. I kept my hair down to keep it simple and I know that Sid loves it best this way. The flowers are simple too. The star gazer lilies are lovely and classic but simple.

"You are a vision darling; an absolute vision. Sidney is a very lucky man."

I turn to Jeffrey and he looks dashing, as I'd expect from him. He's wearing a light linen suit with an ascot. Only Jeffrey could pull that off and look perfect.

"Thank you Jeffrey. Are we ready?"

"Yes darling. Everyone is set and ready to go. Are you ready?"

The smile on my face must say it all because Jeffrey kisses my cheek and says "then let's go get you married."

We leave the bedroom, arm in arm, and head outside. The table is set up for lunch and it's perfect. The air is warm and the breeze from the lake perfect. I've decided not to wear shoes. The walk down the slope to the dock will be hard enough in a long dress never mind trying to do it in heals. I also think the casual wedding lends to it.

The trees are preventing me from seeing the dock. As I get closer, I can see legs. I guess Sam catches my scent because she runs up the grass slope.

"Tell me that mutt isn't going to jump on your Vera Wang darling!"

I laugh at Jeffrey and say "stop" to Sam. She stops, tilts her head and her tongue hangs out. She's smiling and it's so cute. I bend to give her a scratch between the ears.

"Go on Sam" I point her back to the dock.

She nods and takes off back where she came from. As Jeffrey and I get to the bottom of the slope and reach the dock, I look straight ahead and all I can see is Sidney. I know the others are there because I can see them in my peripheral vision but all I can focus on is Sidney. I take in his cream coloured shirt and pants but then all I can see is his smile. I've never seen it so wide or so beautiful. When my eyes reach his then I can see exactly how much he loves me radiated there and can only hope that I'm showing him the same in my eyes.

When I'm finally in front of Sidney, I feel Jeffrey shift and realize that I've forgotten he's beside me. I turn to Jeffrey, he smiles and kisses my cheek.

He leans in and whispers "you deserve every happiness Sloan, remember that; I love you."

I smile and whisper "thank you, for everything."

He knows that I mean much more than then walking me down the aisle. We share a special moment, Jeffrey takes my flowers and then I turn to Sidney. When my hands fold into his, I hear a click and everything falls into place for me. Everything that I've gone through has brought me here to Sidney. I'm so focused on him that I don't even hear the priest ask me to repeat what he says. It isn't until I see Sid chuckle that I realize I missed something.

* * *

When Sloan came into view I was completely overtaken by her beauty. I now understand what they mean by breathtaking beauty. The closer she gets the more beautiful she is until she's in front of me and I take her hands immediately needing to touch her. The ceremony goes by quickly, more quickly than I would have thought. When the priest asks Sloan to repeat after him, she's quiet. He repeats it again and she still doesn't say anything. I can't help the chuckle that escapes me and that seems to get Sloan's attention. I hear everyone chuckling now. We both look at our family and friends like we're seeing them for the first time. The rest of the ceremony goes by with a lightness that is perfect for us. When the priest finally announces us husband and wife, I don't wait for him to tell me that I can kiss her. I pull Sloan into my arms and kiss her deeply before spinning her around. We're married.

The next hour goes by quickly too with lots of congratulations and then photos. At least it's not chaos since there is only a small group of us. We do all of the family pictures first. When we're finished those pictures then Sloan and I take our individual ones and everyone goes to the house for drinks. For a few moments, when the photographer has us in each other's arms and facing each other, we completely forget that the photographer is there. It feels like we're the only people in the whole world again. Sloan's eyes are the deepest blue I've ever seen them. I can't help myself, I lean in and kiss her while we keep our eyes locked. It's an incredibly special moment that I instinctively know that I'll remember for the rest of my life.

"Ok, that's great guys. I'll take some more candid shots before dinner and then I'll leave as we discussed to give you privacy. Are there any particular shots you'd like me to get besides the ones we discussed?"

I look at the photographer and can't even comprehend what he's asking. Thankfully, Sloan is able to answer.

"No, I think that the candid pics and the ones we talked about will work for us."

She looks at me and I smile at her and nod. The photographer leaves us and we stay where we are still in each other arms.

"So, we're married Mr. Crosby."

"Yes we are Mrs. Crosby."

We grin at each other for a moment and then the smiles are gone together too.

"I love you so much Sloan."

"That's good because I love you too."

We lean into each other at the same time and everything we're feeling into the kiss. I take the kiss deeper and slide my tongue between her lips. Sloan meets my tongue with her own and I feel her hands slide up my shoulders, over my neck and into my hair. I love when she does that and pull her even closer to me. When we do part, we are both a little breathless and lean our foreheads together.

"You know that everyone is waiting for us right?"

I chuckle and reply "let them wait" and I take her lips again. I do pull back as I approach the line that I know I'm not coming back from.

"Ok, you're right babe, we need to go join everyone."

Sloan smiles and nods. Hand in hand, we walk to the house to join our friends and family. As they see us approach, everyone starts clapping and cheering for us. That begins a wonderful celebration. With such a small group, we kept everything casual and everyone actually toasted us or gave a small speech. There were tears and laughs; mostly, there was a lot of love. Yep, I've really become a romantic fool for this woman. I would have thought I'd feel silly but I don't.

The caterer has cleaned up and left and we're all sitting comfortably around the fire beside the house. My mother is current telling everyone about how I used to run around the house naked when I was three years old. Apparently I wouldn't keep my clothes on. That leads to another story and yet another story. The more embarrassing the better it seems. Thankfully, Jeffrey gets in on it and starts telling a story about Sloan and a photo shoot where she had the whole crew, including herself, in their underwear because the actress felt uncomfortable having her picture taken in hers. Even Sloan laughs at the story; it's really funny. The sun has set and the fire is glowing. We all settle into a comfortable silence. The fire is crackling, I can hear music softly playing and Sloan is in my arms. Perfect.

"We should let the newlyweds have the evening to themselves everybody." My dad says to the group. Everyone agrees and we all make our way through the house to the front door. It takes a little while for goodbyes which includes some tears. Mom hugs me and won't let go for a few moments. She does the same thing with Sloan which is very sweet. We wait until everyone drives away before we head back into the house. Arm in arm, we go back outside and sit by the fire pit. Sloan cuddles into my side, into my arms. Sam settles at my feet. Everything is perfect right now.

"Did you have a good time babe?"

I can feel Sloan smile against my chest.

"It was incredible Sidney. I still can't believe we pulled it all together in two days. It was exactly what I hoped for Sid. What about you?"

"It was exactly what I wanted too. I remember Flower's wedding last summer; it was huge. I know it was exactly what they wanted but I'm glad we did this our way. I don't think I could handle three hundred people watching us get married."

"Sidney, you realize that millions of people watch you play every game, right?"

"Yeah, but this is personal not hockey. I really couldn't do it."

"Yeah, I couldn't either. I'm so glad we did it our way too. So, what do you want to do for the rest of the night? Watch a movie? Play Mortal Combat? Scrabble?"

"Ahahaahaha. Very funny Mrs. Crosby."

I wanted to set up our evening and surprise Sloan but she was set on doing it herself. She said that she wanted to surprise me. She seemed so excited to surprise me that I gave in and let Sloan plan the wedding night. I actually had trouble trying to figure out what to do to surprise Sloan even though I want to do it.

"Actually, Mr. Crosby, I'm going to go upstairs and get ready for you."

Sloan turns and takes my lips in a searing kiss. It's intense, hot and much too quick because, before I can pull her in deeper, Sloan is up and heading into the house.

"Would you mind changing in the spare bathroom?" she asks me.

"Of course babe" I reply.

Sloan smiles and disappears inside. I bank the fire and give Sam some attention. She tilts up to lick my cheek.

"Enough Sam, you're not the one I want to be licking me tonight."

I swear she smiles at me then. I head into the house and Sam follows me in. When she sits at the bottom of the stairs with her tail wagging, I point to her dog bed in the family room.

"Not tonight Sam. You're sleeping in your own bed."

She gets up like it's the hardest thing in the world to do and then meanders into the family to settle into her bed with a huge doggie sigh.

Chuckling about Sam, I head upstairs and see the light underneath our bedroom door. It takes all of my willpower to turn off to the guest bath. I can't wait to be with my wife.


End file.
